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  1. #1
    Registered User thadderbox's Avatar
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    I started seeing a girl and her ex definitely did a number on her...

    Like holy chit.

    This girl I've been seeing (who is really cool actually) was in a 4 year relationship prior and has been definitely manipulated / lied to / mentally abused / put down constantly by her ex.

    So it's made things a little difficult, I feel like she's on the fence about trusting men in general but also I'm like "Hey, go at your own pace"

    I had her over last night, made some food, and then ended up watching some Netflix and made out for a bit.

    I'm really starting to like her, but understand that she's gotta be comfortable too.

    Has anyone been in a situation like this where their ex really did a number on them? Did it work out in the long run?
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    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Yeah I’m like that. Not really sure how that will manifest in a new relationship. But I’ll try my best to not let it have too much effect.

    So what is the effect on you? Is she waiting with sex or what is the issue?
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  3. #3
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  4. #4
    Registered User smashedurgfx10's Avatar
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    people carry all kinds of baggage from previous relationships



    the first question I'd ask is - why settle? everyone has baggage but if you're raising your eyebrows this early in you've probably seen some red flags. people cant be saved dude.

    find someone who doesn't need saving and is mentally all there. it isn't your fault she was abused (if she even was - I've never been with a girl who didn't say her ex fukked her over, fully srs)

    dont believe everything you hear. be suspicious. people manipulate to get what they want. if she's actively told you this maybe she just wants your sympathy. if you've just noticed her behaviour.. proceed with caution and go with your gut
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    Registered User dontstopbelief's Avatar
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    Usually these damaged types are still talking to their ex and if they aren't still fking them will go right back when your fling is over.
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    Registered User A4min's Avatar
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    You will soon find her going in your phone and computer digging up all kinds of private chit.
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    Originally Posted by A4min View Post
    You will soon find her going in your phone and computer digging up all kinds of private chit.
    Seriously this. My ex did same chit and tried to get me to admit to cheating when I had not. Proceed with caution.
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  8. #8
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    IMO people have to get over past relationship trauma on their own before getting into another serious relationship.
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    IMO people have to get over past relationship trauma on their own before getting into another serious relationship.
    Agree with you in theory and I’ve tried to get over it but I can’t.

    So I think will just try my best in a new relationship and see how that goes.

    Actually also think a new relationship would help me heal if the guy is nice and normal and different type from my ex so those old feelings might even just dissolve.
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  10. #10
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    Dont try to save this woman OP. Move on. (srs)
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  11. #11
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    Lol. Feels. With the current situation I’m going through

    OP. What has she done so far?
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  12. #12
    Sry babe no cardio sloppyjoe1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thadderbox View Post
    Like holy chit.

    This girl I've been seeing (who is really cool actually) was in a 4 year relationship prior and has been definitely manipulated / lied to / mentally abused / put down constantly by her ex.

    So it's made things a little difficult, I feel like she's on the fence about trusting men in general but also I'm like "Hey, go at your own pace"

    I had her over last night, made some food, and then ended up watching some Netflix and made out for a bit.

    I'm really starting to like her, but understand that she's gotta be comfortable too.

    Has anyone been in a situation like this where their ex really did a number on them? Did it work out in the long run?
    Eh, a lot of women claim this. Definitely more than men, but yet women are definitely the more manipulative type of the two genders. I've heard these kinds of things so much over the years that sometimes I think the women actually like being in relationships like that. They have such highs and lows that can probably be intoxicating to a woman's emotions. Then a stable man like you sound like comes along and it's kind of a curve ball for the both of you. I'd tread lightly. If she was in a relationship like that she probably has little to no self respect and several insecurities and may be a headache to deal with. Me personally, I've only been in two relationships because I'm picky with girls. Once they check out in the looks department it's all about sustainability for me. The crazy ones are fun but just as a fling.
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  13. #13
    Registered User Murph0408's Avatar
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    somebody carrying on about what a monster their ex was is a massive turnoff tbh

    like going to a job interview and spending the whole time saying what a mess your last job was. i mean she was with the guy for 4 years.

    you know her better than we do OP but based on my experiences i would say she's either still talking to the guy or not fully over him/moved on from him.
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    Originally Posted by Murph0408 View Post
    somebody carrying on about what a monster their ex was is a massive turnoff tbh

    like going to a job interview and spending the whole time saying what a mess your last job was. i mean she was with the guy for 4 years.

    you know her better than we do OP but based on my experiences i would say she's either still talking to the guy or not fully over him/moved on from him.
    So much this.
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    Originally Posted by Murph0408 View Post
    somebody carrying on about what a monster their ex was is a massive turnoff tbh

    like going to a job interview and spending the whole time saying what a mess your last job was. i mean she was with the guy for 4 years.

    you know her better than we do OP but based on my experiences i would say she's either still talking to the guy or not fully over him/moved on from him.
    Yep, last girl I dated did this she was mentally damaged I broke it off as I knew she wasn't ready for a committed relationship, guess who she's back with?

    U cant win this game walk away.
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  16. #16
    Sry babe no cardio sloppyjoe1's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Murph0408 View Post
    somebody carrying on about what a monster their ex was is a massive turnoff tbh

    like going to a job interview and spending the whole time saying what a mess your last job was. i mean she was with the guy for 4 years.

    you know her better than we do OP but based on my experiences i would say she's either still talking to the guy or not fully over him/moved on from him.
    So cot dam much this. People who complain about decisions they made and stuck with for years are red flags.
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  17. #17
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    This post reads like OP hasn’t even done sexors with said girl yet

    Is this truly life for Timothy?
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  18. #18
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    Originally Posted by smashedurgfx10 View Post
    people carry all kinds of baggage from previous relationships



    the first question I'd ask is - why settle? everyone has baggage but if you're raising your eyebrows this early in you've probably seen some red flags. people cant be saved dude.

    find someone who doesn't need saving and is mentally all there. it isn't your fault she was abused (if she even was - I've never been with a girl who didn't say her ex fukked her over, fully srs)

    dont believe everything you hear. be suspicious. people manipulate to get what they want. if she's actively told you this maybe she just wants your sympathy. if you've just noticed her behaviour.. proceed with caution and go with your gut
    This. I wouldn’t even bother with her. This is why I prefer younger girls. Most are complete train wrecks by the time they’re my age.

    By the time they are 30 most have popped out a couple of illegitimate kids, have a drug or alcohol problem, clinical depression, are $25,000+ in debt, and have engaged in soft or full on prostitution. That’s going to be a no thanks from me jefe.

    Give me an innocent 20 year old any day.
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  19. #19
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    Originally Posted by smashedurgfx10 View Post
    people carry all kinds of baggage from previous relationships



    the first question I'd ask is - why settle? everyone has baggage but if you're raising your eyebrows this early in you've probably seen some red flags. people cant be saved dude.

    find someone who doesn't need saving and is mentally all there. it isn't your fault she was abused (if she even was - I've never been with a girl who didn't say her ex fukked her over, fully srs)

    dont believe everything you hear. be suspicious. people manipulate to get what they want. if she's actively told you this maybe she just wants your sympathy. if you've just noticed her behaviour.. proceed with caution and go with your gut
    Read this twice because it's really good advice. I'm not saying this girl is lying, but what would you rather have? A brand new puppy? Or the rescue dog at one of those shelters that has been beaten senselessly by it's previous owner. It sucks that dog had to go through with it, but it's way easier to get the puppy.
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  20. #20
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    Originally Posted by trapspot View Post
    This post reads like OP hasn’t even done sexors with said girl yet

    Is this truly life for Timothy?
    So I’m actually a hook up kind of guy tbh, and I just recently started seeing this girl this month, so it’s still brand new.

    I actually like her, most women I’ve slept with I didn’t really like.

    So it’s going at it’s own pace
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  21. #21
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    About working things up with you, thats only up to you and her.

    Worrying about the future is gonna give you stress. Yes, be aware but let things flow, if it works cool if not cool. Srs.
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  22. #22
    Registered User thadderbox's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by randombrah1 View Post
    About working things up with you, thats only up to you and her.

    Worrying about the future is gonna give you stress. Yes, be aware but let things flow, if it works cool if not cool. Srs.
    The last thing I wanna do is be stressful to anyone or force them to make a decision they haven’t thought through.

    That’s why it’s best to have to expectations.

    Why can’t I just enjoy her company for the time being? How rare is it we get to do this?
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    Lol at you believing your gf.

    I bet she was the damn manipulative one in her past relationship.

    I bet she was the damn toxic one. Probably made everything up.
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    Originally Posted by thadderbox View Post
    The last thing I wanna do is be stressful to anyone or force them to make a decision they haven’t thought through.

    That’s why it’s best to have to expectations.

    Why can’t I just enjoy her company for the time being? How rare is it we get to do this?
    You absolutely can do this, if that's what you choose. You can take it slow and see how it goes, but just know that you could be wasting your time. If that doesn't bother you, then go for it.
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    You absolutely can do this, if that's what you choose. You can take it slow and see how it goes, but just know that you could be wasting your time. If that doesn't bother you, then go for it.
    I’ve got no timeline or deadlines and certainly no rush to be in actual relationship either.

    I like my lifestyle and the way things are
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    Yeah well this is a red flag because every toxic bitch out there had terrible ex-s.

    It's also a red flag because the sad reality is that a lot of people who have had really terrible abusive relationships have major issues themselves. Someone can simultaneously be the victim of some heinous chit that is not their fault and also kind of a dirtbag themselves. Reason I mention this is because our societal values are set up to split people into abuser (bad person) and abused (good person). Reality isn't necessarily like that.
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    Originally Posted by Bj1108 View Post
    Seriously this. My ex did same chit and tried to get me to admit to cheating when I had not. Proceed with caution.
    The same type of girl that would accuse her boyfriend of cheating then cheat herself.
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    Originally Posted by drvillain View Post
    Dont try to save this woman OP. Move on. (srs)
    This.

    Juice isn't worth the squeeze in situations like this.
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    there's two sides to the story. the real issue is if it was that bad, why would she stick around for so long? common sense would be to leave after it gets abusive.... why did she stay that long? the truth is that she's probably just as crazy as her ex and psychos tend to attract other psychos
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