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  1. #1
    Registered User DomainMaster's Avatar
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    Widowed parent remarrying

    My mom just passed away in November after a long battle with cancer, and I just found out my dad wants to get together with another women who also lost her husband to cancer. I have no issues with him living his life as he chooses, however, he knew the women before my mom's passing. She was a friend of theirs. So it angers me to think that they had something going on this whole time while my mom was sick.

    Am I in the right to be completely disgusted by him right now or is he in the right to continue living his life as he chooses?

    Do any of you have similar experiences?
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    Can’t say I blame you for thinking that way, it is a creeping thought that you probably won’t shake. Ever think about just asking him?
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    Better than you DDSF1's Avatar
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    It is too soon. At the very least for the sake of appearances, he should have waited at least a full year. Serious. Proper etiquette and protocol.
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    Registered User DomainMaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DDSF1 View Post
    It is too soon. At the very least for the sake of appearances, he should have waited at least a full year. Serious. Proper etiquette and protocol.
    This is what I was thinking as well. However, he was acting suspicious by going on "work trips" to Reno. So I knew something was up. Seriously feel like he betrayed my mom.
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    Registered User bigcat3655's Avatar
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    I would be surprised if there was anything going on when your mom was alive. Loneliness is one of the most powerful emotions and he's found someone he is comfortable with who can commiserate with what he's going through.

    Edit- with the Reno trips, maybe I'm wrong. Still hope not
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    as long as they weren't doing anything when she was still alive it should be ok with what they're doing
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    I am sure your mom would want him to be happy. When my aunt passed away my uncle was lonely af and you could see it getting to him. I spent alot of time w him as his kids were living out of state and he was miserable being inside the house by himself. He started going out and selling stuff in outdoor markets just to socialize with people and that helped a bit. He died only 2-3 years later and i am sure missing his wife and lonliness had something to do w it.


    I would say if that lady is a nice lady and will treat him right then you should definitely be supportive of the relationship. I will say one thing if you plan on interfering you better be ready to spend alot of time w him
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    First, I'm sorry for your loss. I have yet to experience the loss of a parent and you have my deepest sympathies.

    The uncomfortable truth is that when spouses are slowly losing a loved one to an illness, they lean into support groups of others experiencing the same prolonged loss (as they should). I believe in vows and 'til death do us part. She's gone, my man. Your father isn't wrong to pursue a relationship with someone after her passing. My grandmother died of alzheimers and my grandfather was faithful to her until her last breath. He married 6 months later, he was faithful to my grandmother but he's happy now and that's good enough for me. Life is for the living.
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    marrying again so fast and with a woman he knew before. ye, something very fishy here
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    Registered User DomainMaster's Avatar
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    Thanks guys for the insight! A lot to think about right now.
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  11. #11
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    they both went through very similar experiences at I assume relatively similar times

    she was there to comfort your dad through something presumably she already experienced

    its chitty and always hard on the kids seeing their parent date someone new after their father/mother dies but don't think of it as him spiting your mom but moving forward





    now, with that said if he starts trying to bring her into your life and you don't want here there that's another discussion that needs to take place and 100% reasonable to tell him you have no interest in meeting her and being friendly so soon
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    Or maybe you should praise his self control for seeing an attractive woman but respecting the bounds of marriage for you and your mother’s sake? You have no idea what’s going on in his head, why not just talk to him?
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    Registered User DomainMaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ZeroPercentTip View Post
    as long as they weren't doing anything when she was still alive it should be ok with what they're doing
    That is something I can't confirm and he was acting very distant during my moms final months.
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  14. #14
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    You need to ask him, if he lies, then he can die with that shame.

    If he is honest, then there will be room for forgiveness.
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    You just made an assumption that "they had something going on."

    Maybe there's something there, but they never acted on it until now. Would you rather he marries someone he doesn't know and could be a total scumbag?
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    Originally Posted by DomainMaster View Post
    My mom just passed away in November after a long battle with cancer, and I just found out my dad wants to get together with another women who also lost her husband to cancer. I have no issues with him living his life as he chooses, however, he knew the women before my mom's passing. She was a friend of theirs. So it angers me to think that they had something going on this whole time while my mom was sick.

    Am I in the right to be completely disgusted by him right now or is he in the right to continue living his life as he chooses?

    Do any of you have similar experiences?
    if you truly love a woman you will be faithful to her ever after he passing, if a woman really loves her man, she will never be with another man after she loses hers because they want to be together in the afterlife if there is one
    perhaps sometimes the heaviest things are not the weights we carry but our feels
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    Registered User DomainMaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    You just made an assumption that "they had something going on."

    Maybe there's something there, but they never acted on it until now. Would you rather he marries someone he doesn't know and could be a total scumbag?
    Even if they never acted on it, it seems pretty scummy of him to be thinking about another women when my mom was extremely sick.
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  18. #18
    Registered User Bcl2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Absthetic View Post
    if you truly love a woman you will be faithful to her ever after he passing, if a woman really loves her man, she will never be with another man after she loses hers because they want to be together in the afterlife if there is one
    Can you explain your logic here please? Most people make marriage vows until their spouse passes but I understand that some religions are different, I'm thinking Mormonism here where IIRC there is an afterlife with your family and wife.
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    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DomainMaster View Post
    Even if they never acted on it, it seems pretty scummy of him to be thinking about another women when my mom was extremely sick.
    Are you saying people (mostly men) don't think about other women - normally - when they're with someone?

    O_o
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    Registered User DomainMaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Are you saying people (mostly men) don't think about other women - normally - when they're with someone?

    O_o
    Listen, if I truly loved my wife and she was on her deathbed, I would spend all my time with her, nourishing and caring for her. I would not have time to think about other women. The women I love is about to be out of my life.
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    Originally Posted by Absthetic View Post
    if you truly love a woman you will be faithful to her ever after he passing, if a woman really loves her man, she will never be with another man after she loses hers because they want to be together in the afterlife if there is one
    lol
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    Originally Posted by Weezy32 View Post
    I am sure your mom would want him to be happy. When my aunt passed away my uncle was lonely af and you could see it getting to him. I spent alot of time w him as his kids were living out of state and he was miserable being inside the house by himself. He started going out and selling stuff in outdoor markets just to socialize with people and that helped a bit. He died only 2-3 years later and i am sure missing his wife and lonliness had something to do w it.


    I would say if that lady is a nice lady and will treat him right then you should definitely be supportive of the relationship. I will say one thing if you plan on interfering you better be ready to spend alot of time w him
    My great grandma passed in 97. It was obvious it devastated my great grandpa and he died 4 months later. He was never the same person after he passed, like he died from a broken heart
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    Originally Posted by DomainMaster View Post
    Listen, if I truly loved my wife and she was on her deathbed, I would spend all my time with her, nourishing and caring for her. I would not have time to think about other women. The women I love is about to be out of my life.
    That's what you want to believe, but that's not reality. We don't live in that kind of world. People have a gazillion thoughts in one day. When you're taking care of a sick person, it's almost a reprieve to mentally check out from the pain and suffering. During those moments, you find yourself fantasizing about how it would be if you weren't in that situation. It's completely normal.

    I have one uncle who never remarried after his wife died.
    I have another, who has married 3 women after his first wife died. He's a jerk so they keep running away from him.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    That's what you want to believe, but that's not reality. We don't live in that kind of world. People have a gazillion thoughts in one day. When you're taking care of a sick person, it's almost a reprieve to mentally check out from the pain and suffering. During those moments, you find yourself fantasizing about how it would be if you weren't in that situation. It's completely normal.

    I have one uncle who never remarried after his wife died.
    I have another, who has married 3 women after his first wife died. He's a jerk so they keep running away from him.
    You might be right. What you are saying might apply to other people, but it doesn't apply to me at all.

    Thanks for the insight, however, it doesn't change what I think of him (assuming he had something going on before).
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    Originally Posted by Bcl2 View Post
    Can you explain your logic here please? Most people make marriage vows until their spouse passes but I understand that some religions are different, I'm thinking Mormonism here where IIRC there is an afterlife with your family and wife.
    the energy that is you goes somewhere once your body is unable to carry itself any longer, don't you want your energy to find the energy you bonded with?

    don't get me wrong, if you truly find a new love after your spouse passes and this is something you have previously discussed go for it, but I doubt you can find that energy within a year of your spouse passing. it takes longer than a year to mourn that loss
    perhaps sometimes the heaviest things are not the weights we carry but our feels
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    Originally Posted by Absthetic View Post
    the energy that is you goes somewhere once your body is unable to carry itself any longer, don't you want your energy to find the energy you bonded with?

    don't get me wrong, if you truly find a new love after your spouse passes and this is something you have previously discussed go for it, but I doubt you can find that energy within a year of your spouse passing. it takes longer than a year to mourn that loss
    Yeah I assume any religion that has marriage and an afterlife makes remarrying fooking wierd yet remarrying after spousal death is specifically mentioned as okay in the bible. I don't get it. Honestly, abrahamic religions treat marriage as a way of tempering lust rather than a way of expressing actual love. I don't know how we got to the concept of modern marriages from abrahamic religions....
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    Originally Posted by Absthetic View Post
    the energy that is you goes somewhere once your body is unable to carry itself any longer, don't you want your energy to find the energy you bonded with?

    don't get me wrong, if you truly find a new love after your spouse passes and this is something you have previously discussed go for it, but I doubt you can find that energy within a year of your spouse passing. it takes longer than a year to mourn that loss
    I don't believe in energies in the way that you do but I respect what you're saying. I believe that when people die, they die, and that's that. I also think you'd be surprised at how quickly people grive and mourn, depending on how someone dies and the circumstances of a marriage.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    You just made an assumption that "they had something going on."

    Maybe there's something there, but they never acted on it until now. Would you rather he marries someone he doesn't know and could be a total scumbag?
    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Are you saying people (mostly men) don't think about other women - normally - when they're with someone?

    O_o
    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    That's what you want to believe, but that's not reality. We don't live in that kind of world. People have a gazillion thoughts in one day. When you're taking care of a sick person, it's almost a reprieve to mentally check out from the pain and suffering. During those moments, you find yourself fantasizing about how it would be if you weren't in that situation. It's completely normal.
    You managed to throw men under the bus and promote promiscuous behavior by implying "that's normal and how we are". Disgusting yet not surprising for a female miscer.


    Originally Posted by DomainMaster View Post
    My mom just passed away in November after a long battle with cancer, and I just found out my dad wants to get together with another women who also lost her husband to cancer. I have no issues with him living his life as he chooses, however, he knew the women before my mom's passing. She was a friend of theirs. So it angers me to think that they had something going on this whole time while my mom was sick.

    Am I in the right to be completely disgusted by him right now or is he in the right to continue living his life as he chooses?

    Do any of you have similar experiences?
    It's far farrrrrr too soon. 5 months? You've got to be fuking kidding me. I mourned that long over a college girlfriend who I was only with a year.

    Anyone that laughs or says this is okay is in denial and a scum person themselves because I guarantee your grandparents and their parents wouldn't have chased other people when their spouse passed. I've seen men and women alike sit alone for 20-30 years while widowed. That's a life commitment.

    Boyo I'd be rocking my dad's jaw if he treated my dead mother this way. Fact. I'll bet anything there was something going on with this lady friend of theirs prior to your mother's passing.

    Recent generations of people are so disgusting and hypersexual. You make your entire existence about touching other people, it's pathetic.



    inb4 some screeching pointless rebuttal. Fuk this gay Earth
    Last edited by blissful88; 04-01-2020 at 04:35 PM.
    u wot m8
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    It wouldn't sit right with me.
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    OP wants to ruin his relationship with his last remaining parent because of his feelings. Just let it go and stop being such an emo beta.
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