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  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    This is not true.

    You said he claimed he had herpes on his tongue, implying he normally had it on his lips. If he has it then you have it.

    You can have it without ever showing an outbreak.

    99.99% chance you have herpes.
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    1) break up and go NC

    2) work on yourself so you cure yourself of the need to “help” adults who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves
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    Originally Posted by elterrible987 View Post
    You said he claimed he had herpes on his tongue, implying he normally had it on his lips. If he has it then you have it.

    You can have it without ever showing an outbreak.

    99.99% chance you have herpes.
    Yes she should get tested to confirm. But it’s possible to not catch it from a positive partner, my ex had HSV 1 and I never got it.
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  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    You can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. He's a grown man and if he's that immature that he won't see the Drs regarding possible cancer, there is nothing you can do. You tried. There's nothing more you can do. Cut your losses.
    I need to understand this, but as stupid as it sounds, I pity him and the situation and I am broken hearted for him, not for the relationship. He has his life ahead of him and so many possibilities, I don't understand him, I truly don't. I had a surgery and went there alone, I was 22. He is a 30+ man who is not getting a tissue extraction for cancer. I am absolutely puzzled about what I see.

    Originally Posted by elterrible987 View Post
    You said he claimed he had herpes on his tongue, implying he normally had it on his lips. If he has it then you have it.

    You can have it without ever showing an outbreak.

    99.99% chance you have herpes.
    He believed it is a cold sore, but turned out to be cancer. Every doctor who saw it said it looks like cancer, because the tissue is simply lost.

    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    1) break up and go NC

    2) work on yourself so you cure yourself of the need to “help” adults who are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves
    I am working on that and I am helping myself now, I am my own priority for a pretty decent amount of time, but I also feel that it is my responsibility to help him, because he has nobody. The way he also worded it ''if you do not come, I will not see a doctor'' puts all the pressure on me. Maybe I'm crazy, but it looks like he pushes my buttons to manipulate me as he wants.
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    Partnerships in a business are almost always a death knell. Speaking from experience, the businesses that my brothers went into partnerships on all failed. When they owned their own businesses, they've been more successful.

    That goes to show you, you can't be in a partnership even with your own blood when it comes to business. I have no clue how people do it with friends/SO's.
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  6. #36
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    I had a convo with him today after typing this thread, so I sent him the doctors names and phone numbers. HE said not to type them anymore cause he will clear the chat anyway and not use any of it. I offered to call and let him now for this week, but he said not to.

    Basically he will stay with the cancer which manifests as loss of tissue until it will spread even more. I don't know who to call and tell that he needs help.
    I strongly believe you’re trolling....If you’re not then OP wtf are you doing. LEAVE. STOP CONTACTING. What part of any of his problems have become your problem? Your boyfriend is a phukin man child. Why are you trying to help someone that doesn’t want your help, why are you calling doctors rushing around for this person doing everything and anything? You’re not Jesus. The relationship is over. Go your separate ways and say goodbye.
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    You know this guy has been toxic in your life, and he sounds like a manipulative loser. Are you sure that pic he sent you is even really one he took? For all you know he googled "early signs of oral cancer" and is trying to manipulate you into going back to whichever part of Eastern Europe you're from. No sane person who is being told they need to get tissue tested for cancer, would be behaving this way. So he is either crazy enough to risk his own health to get control over you, or is lying about having cancer (not as uncommon as you'd think).

    Either way, go NC and start to move on with your life
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  8. #38
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    So wait, a grown man said he will not take care of his health unless you go with him?

    Did you not t learn anything in therapy? Let him rot , it's his life.
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    oral cancer?

    human papilloma virus (HPV)is the number one cause of mouth and throat cancer. better get yourself checked out.... if he didnt get it from you, he may have gotten it from someone else.... and inadvertently gave it to you

    https://www.foxnews.com/health/marci...-throat-cancer
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    I didnt even read the novel that you wrote...

    But I will say this...


    If he cheats...he cheats
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  11. #41
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    Cheeky 1000 word essay
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  12. #42
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Partnerships in a business are almost always a death knell. Speaking from experience, the businesses that my brothers went into partnerships on all failed. When they owned their own businesses, they've been more successful.

    That goes to show you, you can't be in a partnership even with your own blood when it comes to business. I have no clue how people do it with friends/SO's.
    I know this and the gig is started by me, but when I met him he had a pretty bad paying job. So I insisted that he helps me and he gets 50%. However, after realizing that I work much more, I wanted this to finish or him to get 30% and me 70%. He was mad about it so I kicked him out. After realizing that he has cancer, again I asked him to join for 50%... his appreciation was 0%.

    Originally Posted by Austin317 View Post
    I strongly believe you’re trolling....If you’re not then OP wtf are you doing. LEAVE. STOP CONTACTING. What part of any of his problems have become your problem? Your boyfriend is a phukin man child. Why are you trying to help someone that doesn’t want your help, why are you calling doctors rushing around for this person doing everything and anything? You’re not Jesus. The relationship is over. Go your separate ways and say goodbye.
    I am really having troubles with myself knowing that someone is going to die and I cannot even contact a close family member or someone to pass this responsibility to. I know that it is very logic and rational what you say, I know and I am thankful for your advice, but you need to know that he was there for me when I was at my lowest. I wanted to get out of that cycle and did it, I think he motivated me indirectly more, because I was in love. Bieng in love makes you happy, ambitious, etc. Now I doubt if this is correct, to leave him rot. I also know that I took a surgery at 22 by myself and I wasn't a scared bish, so him in his 30s could do the same.

    Originally Posted by hardestgainer View Post
    You know this guy has been toxic in your life, and he sounds like a manipulative loser. Are you sure that pic he sent you is even really one he took? For all you know he googled "early signs of oral cancer" and is trying to manipulate you into going back to whichever part of Eastern Europe you're from. No sane person who is being told they need to get tissue tested for cancer, would be behaving this way. So he is either crazy enough to risk his own health to get control over you, or is lying about having cancer (not as uncommon as you'd think).

    Either way, go NC and start to move on with your life
    Yes, I saw it in real when it was that stage of the ''cold sore'' and he has a beard and I can tell it's really him in the pictures too. But I don't comprehend how during corona you would risk someone's health. I thought about it deeply, if the roles were reversed. God knows that I could have had stage 4 cancer and would never put him in danger to travel and get infected and cause some other problems as well. He is a 30+ year old man who takes responsibility for nothing and it is my mistake that I accepted him for so long and while being with me he got ill, when I should have left months ago and forget about his existence. I also dislike myself for taking responsibility in his place and always being worried for the money he has like it is my fking business. Also accepted him again in the business so the money he got from me, 15 k could be used in buying a better apartment than he has (selling the old one and buying a new one). So instantly it became my worry that he has no fking job and he will waste that 15 k on cancer treatments, so offered again the 50% of the profit. If it was reversed I don't believe 1 second that he would do the same for me.

    Originally Posted by user3657 View Post
    So wait, a grown man said he will not take care of his health unless you go with him?

    Did you not t learn anything in therapy? Let him rot , it's his life.
    It is difficult for me to let someone rot, I have a big mouth and I call people idiots and I despise them for a period of time, then I help them again. I am in a continuous loop where I constantly help people that I'm disappointed in and this is not a fking joke. I have a friend who has to give me back around 4 thousand euros. She has 0 plans in returning the money. I know she is a low life but she calls me for Christmas that her son has no Christmas because she has no money. So instead of hanging up the phone and asking her to repay, I give her 150 euros to make her son a legit Christmas. For someone who is 24 I make A LOT of money, and you will not see me wearing a 3000 euro bag, but people are always asking for my help and I have a hard time saying no. This is simply a traumatic behaviour, I needed help once in my life and it was not possible, now I save random morons from rotting in different forms. Sometimes I get so angry at this because I created such a good life for myself and my family, nobody helped, and I can't enjoy it because I'm taking other's people problems on my shoulders. Fuk them, I'm sick of it.

    Originally Posted by TonyTriangles View Post
    oral cancer?

    human papilloma virus (HPV)is the number one cause of mouth and throat cancer. better get yourself checked out.... if he didnt get it from you, he may have gotten it from someone else.... and inadvertently gave it to you

    https://www.foxnews.com/health/marci...-throat-cancer
    The first cause of the oral cancer is nicotine and he is a smoker for 20 years already, started before high school actually. I tested positive for hpv antibodies after my 3rd vaccine against HPV. Chances to have it are very, very low. I will test it when I can, I don't think I can right now with corona.

    Originally Posted by cigarbrah View Post
    I didnt even read the novel that you wrote...

    But I will say this...


    If he cheats...he cheats
    It's not about cheating

    Anyway, thanks to everybody.
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  13. #43
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    Help him, finding a solution that he gets help. I'm not comfortable with someone who is going to rot inside the house having cancer.
    You do understand that adults are allowed to make their own decisions, right? No-one said you should like it but part of growing up is understanding that you cannot force people to do the right thing.
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    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    You do understand that adults are allowed to make their own decisions, right? No-one said you should like it but part of growing up is understanding that you cannot force people to do the right thing.
    I do understand this, but is what I face a normal issue or is it just me ? I think lots of people get through this throughout their life especially with kids that pick bad behaviors such as drugs, is it getting any better ? Do I start to accept that I can't decide what happens with someone else's life it or I will always be like this ?
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    I know this and the gig is started by me, but when I met him he had a pretty bad paying job. So I insisted that he helps me and he gets 50%. However, after realizing that I work much more, I wanted this to finish or him to get 30% and me 70%. He was mad about it so I kicked him out. After realizing that he has cancer, again I asked him to join for 50%... his appreciation was 0%.

    I am really having troubles with myself knowing that someone is going to die and I cannot even contact a close family member or someone to pass this responsibility to. I know that it is very logic and rational what you say, I know and I am thankful for your advice, but you need to know that he was there for me when I was at my lowest. I wanted to get out of that cycle and did it, I think he motivated me indirectly more, because I was in love. Bieng in love makes you happy, ambitious, etc. Now I doubt if this is correct, to leave him rot. I also know that I took a surgery at 22 by myself and I wasn't a scared bish, so him in his 30s could do the same.

    Yes, I saw it in real when it was that stage of the ''cold sore'' and he has a beard and I can tell it's really him in the pictures too. But I don't comprehend how during corona you would risk someone's health. I thought about it deeply, if the roles were reversed. God knows that I could have had stage 4 cancer and would never put him in danger to travel and get infected and cause some other problems as well. He is a 30+ year old man who takes responsibility for nothing and it is my mistake that I accepted him for so long and while being with me he got ill, when I should have left months ago and forget about his existence. I also dislike myself for taking responsibility in his place and always being worried for the money he has like it is my fking business. Also accepted him again in the business so the money he got from me, 15 k could be used in buying a better apartment than he has (selling the old one and buying a new one). So instantly it became my worry that he has no fking job and he will waste that 15 k on cancer treatments, so offered again the 50% of the profit. If it was reversed I don't believe 1 second that he would do the same for me.

    It is difficult for me to let someone rot, I have a big mouth and I call people idiots and I despise them for a period of time, then I help them again. I am in a continuous loop where I constantly help people that I'm disappointed in and this is not a fking joke. I have a friend who has to give me back around 4 thousand euros. She has 0 plans in returning the money. I know she is a low life but she calls me for Christmas that her son has no Christmas because she has no money. So instead of hanging up the phone and asking her to repay, I give her 150 euros to make her son a legit Christmas. For someone who is 24 I make A LOT of money, and you will not see me wearing a 3000 euro bag, but people are always asking for my help and I have a hard time saying no. This is simply a traumatic behaviour, I needed help once in my life and it was not possible, now I save random morons from rotting in different forms. Sometimes I get so angry at this because I created such a good life for myself and my family, nobody helped, and I can't enjoy it because I'm taking other's people problems on my shoulders. Fuk them, I'm sick of it.


    The first cause of the oral cancer is nicotine and he is a smoker for 20 years already, started before high school actually. I tested positive for hpv antibodies after my 3rd vaccine against HPV. Chances to have it are very, very low. I will test it when I can, I don't think I can right now with corona.

    It's not about cheating

    Anyway, thanks to everybody.
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    I do understand this, but is what I face a normal issue or is it just me ? I think lots of people get through this throughout their life especially with kids that pick bad behaviors such as drugs, is it getting any better ? Do I start to accept that I can't decide what happens with someone else's life it or I will always be like this ?
    Obviously you can't decide what happens with someone else's life. It's not something you accept, that's just the way things are. You've got some setious deep-seated issues if you don't understand that.
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  17. #47
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    Lol it's clear he doesnt want your help and it's clear you dont want to be with him anymore so I dont see what the problem is. Cut off and move on
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  18. #48
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    I do understand this, but is what I face a normal issue or is it just me ? I think lots of people get through this throughout their life especially with kids that pick bad behaviors such as drugs, is it getting any better ? Do I start to accept that I can't decide what happens with someone else's life it or I will always be like this ?
    This one is just you.

    Having a child who gets into drugs is a more complex question than your loser ex-BF being bitchy and self destructive in a different city. So a general rule of 'you have to let people make their own choices' isn't applicable in all situations, there are exceptions to general rules. This isn't one of them. Grow up.
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  19. #49
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    Originally Posted by AdikinBawls View Post
    Obviously you can't decide what happens with someone else's life. It's not something you accept, that's just the way things are. You've got some setious deep-seated issues if you don't understand that.
    Yes, after telling him to get his health insurance in order because due to corona you can also arrange it online, he called me a sloot, selfish fake bish, so I decided to say, ''ok, do as you want, bye bye forever''.

    Originally Posted by HoustonMiscer View Post
    Lol it's clear he doesnt want your help and it's clear you dont want to be with him anymore so I dont see what the problem is. Cut off and move on
    Yup, cut it off today.

    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    This one is just you.

    Having a child who gets into drugs is a more complex question than your loser ex-BF being bitchy and self destructive in a different city. So a general rule of 'you have to let people make their own choices' isn't applicable in all situations, there are exceptions to general rules. This isn't one of them. Grow up.
    I had a hard time leaving his azz because his parents passed and he has nobody, but I had enouch of his bs behaviour after all that I did for him. I blocked him everywhere, let's hope I don't break my NC
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    smh

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  21. #51
    Registered User ChrissJ's Avatar
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    Feeling sorry for someone is what ruins lots of people lives. We ALL go through tough periods in our lives but that's just life in general. 3 close family members have passed away in 4 month for me and it's been mentally tough but I've only trusted myself to get through this and not asked or looked for sympathy.

    If things cant improve then you're right to cut it off. If you don't make plans alone now you will become the plan of HIS life and not your own. It sounds selfish but sometimes you need to be selfish.

    Learn to live and work without him and you will feel better. Ye hes been through hard times but he isnt the only one he needs to deal with his own issues before making them yours If you ever did rekindle.

    Take care Roxy
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  22. #52
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    Originally Posted by ChrissJ View Post
    Feeling sorry for someone is what ruins lots of people lives. We ALL go through tough periods in our lives but that's just life in general. 3 close family members have passed away in 4 month for me and it's been mentally tough but I've only trusted myself to get through this and not asked or looked for sympathy.

    If things cant improve then you're right to cut it off. If you don't make plans alone now you will become the plan of HIS life and not your own. It sounds selfish but sometimes you need to be selfish.

    Learn to live and work without him and you will feel better. Ye hes been through hard times but he isnt the only one he needs to deal with his own issues before making them yours If you ever did rekindle.

    Take care Roxy
    Wish I could bake some cookies for you and give you a hug. I'm sorry for your loss, and reading your post confirmed what I already knew. If you can get over that kind of traumatic events and still be a man, act like a man and trust yourself, he who had me literally being his assistant could have done much more.

    I did not feel only once that I'm his life plan, this is something that I felt since the beginning of the relationship. Several times he forced me to work instead of going out together after already working, because he has no time to waste. He wasted 30+ years with the boys and now he woke up with no great career, no nothing, so he forced it on me, 24 yo with a degree and the possibilities to create at least a decent future.

    I learn everyday to get over him and to occupy my time, the business is going to be ok without him too. I hope that I will find someone who is at least on my level, the same maturity level, maybe it's better to be the same age too. For now on I don't plan a relationship, I just plan to heal my big kind heart. What I learned is that being good and doing good to others does not mean they will do the same.
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  23. #53
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    I had a hard time leaving his azz because his parents passed and he has nobody, but I had enouch of his bs behaviour after all that I did for him. I blocked him everywhere, let's hope I don't break my NC
    Some people are just incredibly selfish kunts who cause all their own problems. Like, he has nobody, whose fault is that? Probably everyone else has had enough of him, hence he has no-one. Dude sounds like a huge leech so get ready for him to hit you up the second he needs something.
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  24. #54
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    Wish I could bake some cookies for you and give you a hug. I'm sorry for your loss, and reading your post confirmed what I already knew. If you can get over that kind of traumatic events and still be a man, act like a man and trust yourself, he who had me literally being his assistant could have done much more.

    I did not feel only once that I'm his life plan, this is something that I felt since the beginning of the relationship. Several times he forced me to work instead of going out together after already working, because he has no time to waste. He wasted 30+ years with the boys and now he woke up with no great career, no nothing, so he forced it on me, 24 yo with a degree and the possibilities to create at least a decent future.

    I learn everyday to get over him and to occupy my time, the business is going to be ok without him too. I hope that I will find someone who is at least on my level, the same maturity level, maybe it's better to be the same age too. For now on I don't plan a relationship, I just plan to heal my big kind heart. What I learned is that being good and doing good to others does not mean they will do the same.
    I would just stay far away from him as possible as he only bringing you down for his own gain. It also sounds like he wasnt letting you live your life and making it revolve around work and money. Yes money is important but its not everything, go out and have fun and do things.. Take advantage of today as tomorrow might not exist, for anyone in that matter.

    You will be much better without him and if you begin to struggle or need anything feel free to message me. Best of luck!
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  25. #55
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    Yes, after telling him to get his health insurance in order because due to corona you can also arrange it online, he called me a sloot, selfish fake bish, so I decided to say, ''ok, do as you want, bye bye forever''.

    Yup, cut it off today.

    I had a hard time leaving his azz because his parents passed and he has nobody, but I had enouch of his bs behaviour after all that I did for him. I blocked him everywhere, let's hope I don't break my NC
    Glad to hear it. He sounds like a giant headache and you're better off single.
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  26. #56
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    Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy22 View Post
    Yes, after telling him to get his health insurance in order because due to corona you can also arrange it online, he called me a sloot, selfish fake bish, so I decided to say, ''ok, do as you want, bye bye forever''.

    Yup, cut it off today.

    I had a hard time leaving his azz because his parents passed and he has nobody, but I had enouch of his bs behaviour after all that I did for him. I blocked him everywhere, let's hope I don't break my NC
    Good job.
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    You need to get tested...
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