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Thread: What to do?

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    Registered User ccie23373's Avatar
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    What to do?

    I dated a girl for 7 months. Things were going good. Unfortunately I was unemployed, didn't have much going on besides her and she got smothered. A month before we broke up, she offered me a job at her company. She became my boss.

    6 months in the relationship I was at her place 5 to 6 times a week with her cooking, cleaning, etc on top of that spending a lot of time together at work. I live with a roomate. So our relationship was around her house.

    Eventually with her smothered, telling me so.. Arguments started. In one fight, I pushed her and she took it as domestic violence and kicked me out. I begged and chased for a month and she blocked me everywhere even on her daughter's phone.


    One month later of no contact. She unblocked me and reached out. My son was spending Christmas with me (he lives with his mother in another country) and she asked if she could pick him up to spend a night at her place because her daughter and my son her friends. We exchange a few texts, she came to pick the kid and dropped him off. All went well. I asked her for coffee she said no. I didnt see her in this instance, my other ex was at my place (my kid's mom) and handled the exchange with her. I went no contact again.


    3 weeks later, she sent me a random msg. Again I asked her for drinks she said no. I ended up arguing with her by text and blowing up her phone, she told me to stop it. I went back to no contact.


    2 weeks later she reached out again (again my son was visiting me) asking to pick up the kid. This time I dropped him off at her place per her request. I went over to her doorstep with my son. Her daughter opened the door. My ex didn't want to come to say hi, was hidden in the toilet. I called her from the outside of the house asked if she wanted to come out to say hi, she said "no need".


    We exchanged a few cordial msgs, but then we started arguing. I insulted her saying lots of nasty stuff. She showed up at my doorstep unannounced to bring a couple of things my son had left at her place, I opened the door (I hadn't seen her in 3 months), she looked me in the eye and said "I'm done, you send me all these messages threating me, I'm done... You make me sick, I despise you, I never want anything to do with you, you are still the same unstable guy unsafe guy. She got in the car and left. She blocked me again and told me she is seeing someone and wants nothing to do with me ever again.


    We have been broken up for 5 months now.


    My situation now is, I got a job, a car, back to gym, I got my own place and my son is moving to live with me and start school etc.


    Even though I'm now blocked, she will eventually reach out sooner or later asking permission to pick up my kid now and then for playdates especially when he moves here next summer.


    I'm in no contact for 4 weeks now.


    How to proceed from here? 
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    Registered User Austin317's Avatar
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    Tell her to get phukd. Spend your own time with your kid and take him places. He’s going to meet kids in his own school he can go and see. This is potentially bringing your son up in a non stable environment and your kid comes first.
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    Registered User ccie23373's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Austin317 View Post
    Tell her to get phukd. Spend your own time with your kid and take him places. He’s going to meet kids in his own school he can go and see. This is potentially bringing your son up in a non stable environment and your kid comes first.
    I had a lot of fault in this.. Shoved her and insulted her one time she reached out to test me. She triggered me and I called her get bixh
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    Originally Posted by ccie23373 View Post
    I had a lot of fault in this.. Shoved her and insulted her one time she reached out to test me. She triggered me and I called her get bixh
    Are you trolling? The relationship is over. You have a big thing with your own kid now moving Country to live with you. That is a big enough focus to get on with your own thing now. Her asking your kid for play dates is almost using a kid as a weapon. Stop taking your kid over there. Stop contacting her. Your kid will make his own friends in his own school, he doesn’t seem to go on play dates there that often so it’s not like he’s missing out on seeing his friend once a week for a few hours a day and even if he was you now have that opportunity to spend that time with your kid yourself. Yeah you’ve bettered yourself that’s great, congrats on going to the gym and getting a car and everything ....you did that without her now continue to do things without her and see how far it can take you.
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    Originally Posted by Austin317 View Post
    Are you trolling? The relationship is over. You have a big thing with your own kid now moving Country to live with you. That is a big enough focus to get on with your own thing now. Her asking your kid for play dates is almost using a kid as a weapon. Stop taking your kid over there. Stop contacting her. Your kid will make his own friends in his own school, he doesn’t seem to go on play dates there that often so it’s not like he’s missing out on seeing his friend once a week for a few hours a day and even if he was you now have that opportunity to spend that time with your kid yourself. Yeah you’ve bettered yourself that’s great, congrats on going to the gym and getting a car and everything ....you did that without her now continue to do things without her and see how far it can take you.
    The kids are on the phone all day long while playing online games. Still man u feel guilty I shoved and insulted her.. I apologised a million times but she doesn't give a fu ck... We traveled to my country all together for a month in the summer we were a nice little family.. Any way to spin this around with her?
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    Originally Posted by ccie23373 View Post
    The kids are on the phone all day long while playing online games. Still man u feel guilty I shoved and insulted her.. I apologised a million times but she doesn't give a fu ck... We traveled to my country all together for a month in the summer we were a nice little family.. Any way to spin this around with her?
    Okay being as your kid and hers are good friends it’s a little bit more difficult in a sense. I would still suggest weening off play dates as it doesn’t really serve your best interests, I could very well be wrong with this but that’s what I would do.

    As far as swinging it around with her it sounds like it’s done. I get how you feel because we’ve all been there trying to get an ex back crawling back to them begging and pleading with them but it doesn’t work...mainly because she now has no respect for you. Don’t try and gain this respect to win her back. Stop trying to win her back, it’s done whether you phukd up or not it’s done. Sounds like you’re taking way too much responsibility for the relationship ending, sometimes it just doesn’t work. You’ve accomplished a lot without her that in my opinion you wouldn’t have accomplished with her so give yourself credit for that and keep moving forward.
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    You need to let this person go. You are toxic when your life isn’t together. You physically shoved a woman and I know we all get angry but in a woman’s mind you’re now an abuser.

    Better yourself and move on.
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    Even if you get back together with her, the relationship will not be satisfying. Do a clean slate, and find a new girl. Apply the lessons from the failed relationship to the next one and make that one awesom.
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    Yeah, it's probably done. She literally hates me and said several times she wants nothing to do with me. I'm 5 weeks no contact now (the longest have been) . My birthday comes in 3 weeks which will be 2 full months no contact. If she doesn't wish me happy birthday I can totally forget her.
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    hink about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

    There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues.

    “She said she’s not interested, but she still flirts with me, so what do I need to do to get her?”
    “Well, I know she likes me, but she didn’t call me back last weekend, what should I do?”
    “He treats me well when he’s around, but he’s hardly around. What does that mean?”

    Most dating advice exists to “solve” this grey area for people. Say this line. Text her this. Call him this many times. Wear that.

    Much of it gets exceedingly analytical, to the point where some men and women actually spend more time analyzing behaviors than actually, you know, behaving.

    Frustration with this grey area also drives many people to unnecessary manipulation, drama and game-playing — like “forgetting” a jacket at her place so she’ll have to call you again, or “making” him wait until he’s taken you on three dates before you’ll sleep with him.

    These things may seem clever and exciting to some people who are stuck or frustrated. But this dating advice misses the point. If you’re in the grey area to begin with, you’ve already lost.

    Let me ask again: Why would you ever be excited to be with someone who is not excited to be with you? If they’re not happy with you now, what makes you think they’ll be happy to be with you later? Why do you make an effort to convince someone to date you when they make no effort to convince you?

    What does that say about you? That you believe you need to convince people to be with you? (Hint: it implies that you wouldn’t even want to be with yourself.)

    You wouldn’t buy a dog that bites you all the time. And you wouldn’t be friends with someone who regularly ditches you. You wouldn’t work a job that doesn’t pay you. Then why the hell are you trying to make a girlfriend out of a woman who doesn’t want to date you? Where’s your ****ing self-respect?
    The Law of “**** Yes or No” states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “**** Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.
    The Law of “**** Yes or No” also states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, THEY must respond with a “**** Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.

    As you can see, The Law of “**** Yes or No” implies that both parties must be enthusiastic about the prospect of one another’s company. Why? Because attractive, non-needy, high self-worth people don’t have time for people who they are not excited to be with and who are not excited to be with them.

    The Law of “**** Yes or No” is applicable to dating, sex, relationships, even friendships. You may have absolutely nothing in common with that bartender. But they’re hot and are interested in getting down. Is it a “**** Yes!” for sex? It is? Then game on.

    Wrapped up in that sweet guy who treats you so well, except goes weeks without calling you and suddenly disappears after a couple drinks and a round of the horizontal polka? Been wondering if he really likes you? Do his excuses of being so busy all the time seem legit? It doesn’t sound like the answer is a “**** yes.” Then it’s time to move on.

    Making out with a girl at your house and every time you go to take her shirt off she swats your hands away? That is not a “**** Yes,” my friend, therefore, it’s a no and you shouldn’t pressure her. The best sex is “**** Yes” sex — i.e., both people are shouting “**** Yes” as they hop between the sheets together. If she’s not hopping, then there’s no ****ing.

    (Hint Fellas: This is a great time to ask the girl why she’s not comfortable, and what she’s looking for from you. That, by itself — you know, treating her like a human and empathizing with her — often solves this “problem.”)

    Want to date that woman you met last weekend but she keeps ignoring your texts and calls? Not sure what to say or do, especially since she seemed so happy to go out with you when you initially met her? Well, my friend, this is obviously not a “**** Yes.” Therefore, it is a “No.” Delete her number and move on.

    **** Yes or No applies to relationships as well. My girlfriend works with a guy who got married because “it seemed like the right thing to do.” You do your taxes because “it’s seems like the right thing to do.” You wipe your infant’s ass because “it seems like the right thing to do.” You don’t marry someone because “it seems like the right thing to do.” You marry them because you can’t ****ing imagine ever not wanting to be with them.

    Unsurprisingly, four years later, he was cheating on his wife every chance he got. The marriage was not a **** Yes for him, therefore it should have been a No.

    Sometimes The Law of **** Yes or No will apply differently on different levels. You may be a “**** Yes” for friendship with someone, but mildly excited to have sex with them. Therefore, it’s a no. You may be a “**** Yes” on banging someone’s brains out, but a definite “No” on actually spending any time with them. Apply the law to your decision-making as it suits your needs.

    **** Yes or No doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be falling in knee-wobbling love at first sight. It doesn’t even mean you have be completely convinced that someone is right for you. You can be “**** Yes” about getting to know someone better. You can be “**** Yes” about seeing someone again because you think there’s something there. You can be “**** Yes” about giving things a few months to pan out and see if you can fix the problems in the relationship. You can be “**** Yes” about trying to fix things in an unhappy relationship because you can see future potential.

    The point is: both you and the other person need to be **** yes about something (and it must be the same thing), otherwise you’re just wasting your time.

    The first problem is people who never feel a “**** Yes” for anybody they meet. If you are lukewarm on absolutely everyone you meet, then either your demographics are way off, or you suffer from a lack of vulnerability and are protecting yourself by remaining indifferent and unenthused by all of those around you.

    Remember, it’s your job to look for something cool in everyone you meet; it’s not their job to show you. This is life, not a ****ing sales convention. Learning to appreciate people you meet is a skill you cultivate. So get on it. This doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with everyone who breathes in your direction. It just means you need to take responsibility for your ability to connect with the people you are meeting.

    The second problem is people who never meet others who feel a “**** Yes” for them. If all of the people you pursue give you a mild response or outright rejections, then it’s time to focus on improving yourself. Ask yourself, what is it about yourself that would inspire others to say “**** Yes” about you? If the answer is not obvious, then you get to work. Build yourself into a person others would say “**** Yes” to.

    And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self-improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.
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    You move on, that's it.
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    Originally Posted by fionana View Post
    100 N City Pkwy, Las Vegas, NV
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    What's at the Molasky Corporate Center?
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    Originally Posted by iloveus View Post
    What's at the Molasky Corporate Center?
    I am also interested in this.
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    Originally Posted by ccie23373 View Post
    Yeah, it's probably done. She literally hates me and said several times she wants nothing to do with me. I'm 5 weeks no contact now (the longest have been) . My birthday comes in 3 weeks which will be 2 full months no contact. If she doesn't wish me happy birthday I can totally forget her.
    Why wait until your birthday to forget her though? What happens if she messages you before then? Or she messages you on your birthday? You going to keep pursuing her? Please don’t man, it’s over. Honestly I don’t get why you’re not giving yourself credit for what you’ve achieved when you’ve not been with her and not working more on that...
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