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  1. #1
    Registered User stonesfan99's Avatar
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    Why do women want orbiters?

    So long story short, almost married this Vietnamese chick I went to school with. Parents kind of talked me out of it.

    She moved back to Vietnam, then to Japan for work, we lost contact and now she married some guy she met in the Navy over there. Lives in Texas somewhere now. I am friends with her on Facebook.

    Back when I first knew her, she couldn't stop giving me attention. Would always be asking what I was doing, etc, etc. Now it's like she adds me but then barely talks to me at all. Once in awhile she'll shoot me a message asking how I am etc and I normally wait a bit then reply. I don't start convos with her because I am just of the feeling that looks desperate and beta.

    It kind of pisses me off when I see her post stuff of her palling around with other guys. I unfollowed her because I feel like if I unadd her she will get mad, know that I am jealous and it just plays to her game.

    Is this just how life is? Seeing women you want with other guys and you can't have em? I refuse to show her I am upset and give her attention and basically be beta. I feel like I should have the mindset my life will go on with or without her and I shouldn't care.
    Last edited by stonesfan99; 03-18-2020 at 08:19 PM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User InPhase's Avatar
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    Who cares what she is doing. Seriously WTF do guys get so caught up in the lives of their ex's. It's ridiculous.
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  3. #3
    ๐Ÿ…ณ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ†‚ ๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ†ƒ Luc1fer's Avatar
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    You need to actually go NC for your own peace of mind.

    You are a beta orbiter now, because sheโ€™s on your mind significantly, she messages you randomly, and you have to consciously not respond to her.
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  4. #4
    Registered User bernipes's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stonesfan99 View Post
    So long story short, almost married this Vietnamese chick I went to school with. Parents kind of talked me out of it.

    She moved back to Vietnam, then to Japan for work, we lost contact and now she married some guy she met in the Navy over there. Lives in Texas somewhere now. I am friends with her on Facebook.

    Back when I first knew her, she couldn't stop giving me attention. Would always be asking what I was doing, etc, etc. Now it's like she adds me but then barely talks to me at all. Once in awhile she'll shoot me a message asking how I am etc and I normally wait a bit then reply. I don't start convos with her because I am just of the feeling that looks desperate and beta.

    It kind of pisses me off when I see her post stuff of her palling around with other guys. I unfollowed her because I feel like if I unadd her she will get mad, know that I am jealous and it just plays to her game.

    Is this just how life is? Seeing women you want with other guys and you can't have em? I refuse to show her I am upset and give her attention and basically be beta. I feel like I should have the mindset my life will go on with or without her and I shouldn't care.
    Looks like a teenager thinking for me. Ok, love can take you back to 18, but at 50, you should be more mature and learned from life nope ?

    Finally i would just say one thing. Like for everything, psycology is... everything also

    Sometime, one guy who lost all his familly will also lost his mind,
    sometime, with that same situation, an other guy will be one of the famiousest singer in the world.

    What difference between theses guys ? Psycology again
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  5. #5
    Registered User stonesfan99's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bernipes View Post
    Looks like a teenager thinking for me. Ok, love can take you back to 18, but at 50, you should be more mature and learned from life nope ?

    Finally i would just say one thing. Like for everything, psycology is... everything also

    Sometime, one guy who lost all his familly will also lost his mind,
    sometime, with that same situation, an other guy will be one of the famiousest singer in the world.

    What difference between theses guys ? Psycology again
    I'm actually 33, not 50. I don't know how to adjust that to be correct. But I get what you're saying. This girl meant a lot to me and it just kind of bugs me seeing her with people that don't care about her.

    I guess my real question is why add me on Facebook and keep me around if she is not interested?
    Last edited by stonesfan99; 03-19-2020 at 07:31 AM.
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  6. #6
    Registered User stonesfan99's Avatar
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    I guess I don't get it. What is in it for her to keep me around?
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  7. #7
    Podunks Alt Account LtGoose's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stonesfan99 View Post
    I guess I don't get it. What is in it for her to keep me around?
    Because having you around makes her feel powerful. She could snap her fingers and you'd be there in a heart beat because you're a beta. It's feeding her ego.

    Just move the fuk on
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    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LtGoose View Post
    Because having you around makes her feel powerful. She could snap her fingers and you'd be there in a heart beat because you're a beta. It's feeding her ego.

    Just move the fuk on
    Pretty much this.

    She gets off knowing to you she's "the one that got away" and that you think about her 50x more than she thinks about you.
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  9. #9
    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Didnโ€™t read op but answering title:

    Attention

    Validation

    Emotional support

    Favors

    Someone to talk to when bored

    Etc

    Basically to obtain a reliable consistent stream of attention to regulate and supplement the inconsistent attention stream she may be getting from guys she actually wants.
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  10. #10
    ๐Ÿ…ณ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ†‚ ๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ†ƒ Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Didnโ€™t read op but answering title:

    Attention

    Validation

    Emotional support

    Favors

    Someone to talk to when bored

    Etc

    Basically to obtain a reliable consistent stream of attention to regulate and supplement the inconsistent attention stream she may be getting from guys she actually wants.
    Attention - never needed it.
    Validation - never needed it, but it's nice to get when it rarely happens.
    Emotional support - never needed it, aside from after my breakup.
    Favors - never needed any.
    Someone to talk to when bored - Never really get bored, always stuff on the list to do.

    So I don't get it, but when I really try to empathize, I end up just envisioning someone with very low self esteem and high dependence. Is that a fair characterization?
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  11. #11
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Attention - never needed it.
    Validation - never needed it, but it's nice to get when it rarely happens.
    Emotional support - never needed it, aside from after my breakup.
    Favors - never needed any.
    Someone to talk to when bored - Never really get bored, always stuff on the list to do.

    So I don't get it, but when I really try to empathize, I end up just envisioning someone with very low self esteem and high dependence. Is that a fair characterization?
    Women crave attention like men crave sex.

    Maybe itโ€™s an evolutionary feature where women needed social bonds and attention from others to physically survive.

    I myself donโ€™t keep orbiters btw. I only talk to men Iโ€™m actually attracted to and am interested in dating. If Iโ€™m not interested then I just cut it off and donโ€™t keep them around. Not saying I donโ€™t love attention but I want it either from men Iโ€™m attracted to or just from my friends and family.
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    Registered User Caldef's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    Pretty much this.

    She gets off knowing to you she's "the one that got away" and that you think about her 50x more than she thinks about you.
    Disagree. She probably doesn't even think about OP at all.

    OP it's genuinely nothing at her end. I've got all sorts on my FB page, means nothing, she doesn't even realise you still have feelings for her.

    Don't get mad about it, she added you the way that people add an old high school friend that they'd stop and say hello to if they saw them in the supermarket, but wouldn't ever bother to look them up otherwise.

    It's just life. Let it go.
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  13. #13
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Women crave attention like men crave sex.

    Maybe itโ€™s an evolutionary feature where women needed social bonds and attention from others to physically survive.

    I myself donโ€™t keep orbiters btw. I only talk to men Iโ€™m actually attracted to and am interested in dating. If Iโ€™m not interested then I just cut it off and donโ€™t keep them around. Not saying I donโ€™t love attention but I want it either from men Iโ€™m attracted to or just from my friends and family.
    I agree, it's innate. Does the craving go away as you get older?
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  14. #14
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    She's married. Move on from her for your own mental health
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    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    I agree, it's innate. Does the craving go away as you get older?
    No I donโ€™t think so. I still love getting attention from attractive men. I think that will stay like that. However once youโ€™re in a relationship it can change to only craving attention from that one person.

    Even if you look at old ladies in a hospital or nursing home etc they will still get excited when a handsome young doctor gives them attention. I think itโ€™s just human nature.
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    Adding on to the evolutionary theory btw. Before any type of modern society when humans lived in tribes the women needed a lot of attention to survive. Both from men to physically protect them and from women to support them and take care of them during labor or illness and to teach them and keep them included in the tribe.

    Without that attention a woman alone ejected from the group would probably just die. So the need for attention from both men and women would have a real evolutionary advantage for survival. As a man you donโ€™t have that same survival need for attention.

    *Just my theory, not researched or anything.
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    Registered User stonesfan99's Avatar
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    So remove her from my Facebook or no? Just stop following and go NC?
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    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stonesfan99 View Post
    So remove her from my Facebook or no? Just stop following and go NC?
    Again I didnโ€™t read the op but OF COURSE you should unfollow exes and go NC. That is just the most basic common sense.
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    Originally Posted by stonesfan99 View Post
    I'm actually 33, not 50. I don't know how to adjust that to be correct. But I get what you're saying. This girl meant a lot to me and it just kind of bugs me seeing her with people that don't care about her.

    I guess my real question is why add me on Facebook and keep me around if she is not interested?
    Ho sorry about your age, i'm pretty new in that forum so didn't even realized it was not your real age ... hรฉhรฉ

    Anyway i would say the rest of my post reply is still ok for any age. but yes i can image you got it
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    Originally Posted by Caldef View Post
    Disagree. She probably doesn't even think about OP at all.

    OP it's genuinely nothing at her end. I've got all sorts on my FB page, means nothing, she doesn't even realise you still have feelings for her.

    Don't get mad about it, she added you the way that people add an old high school friend that they'd stop and say hello to if they saw them in the supermarket, but wouldn't ever bother to look them up otherwise.

    It's just life. Let it go.
    I think it's probably whats happen yes. But @LtGoose can also have the truth with:

    Because having you around makes her feel powerful. She could snap her fingers and you'd be there in a heart beat because you're a beta. It's feeding her ego.
    Both situations can be what the situation truly is. i mean, we can't KNOW at least.

    So i would say in anyways you should try to stop thinking about her and start by remove her from your life.
    There is so much nice and interesting people in the world. You juste have to find them. And for sure you will.
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    Don't keep an ex on social media. There's not reason to and it's not good for you.
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  22. #22
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Didnโ€™t read op but answering title:

    Attention

    Validation

    Emotional support

    Favors

    Someone to talk to when bored

    Etc

    Basically to obtain a reliable consistent stream of attention to regulate and supplement the inconsistent attention stream she may be getting from guys she actually wants.
    huh, explains a lot about you actually
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    Originally Posted by SirFapsAIot View Post
    huh, explains a lot about you actually
    Nope I donโ€™t keep orbiters.

    I only talk to guys Iโ€™m actually attracted to.

    And I donโ€™t have any male friends.
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    Originally Posted by stonesfan99 View Post
    So remove her from my Facebook or no? Just stop following and go NC?
    dude.
    i'd rather spend 5-10 mins. spinning one out then going and doing something I enjoy doing then spend even 5 mins. paying attention to a chick I know who doesn't want to sex.
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    They up her dating market value. I had a crush many years ago, when I realized it will never happen I cut contact and then she did a lot to win me back as an orbiter.
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    probably evolutionarily advantageous to have backups and men who could protect them
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Attention - never needed it.
    Validation - never needed it, but it's nice to get when it rarely happens.
    Emotional support - never needed it, aside from after my breakup.
    Favors - never needed any.
    Someone to talk to when bored - Never really get bored, always stuff on the list to do.

    So I don't get it, but when I really try to empathize, I end up just envisioning someone with very low self esteem and high dependence. Is that a fair characterization?
    you hit the nail on the head. people like her are broken and disgusting.
    "The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one."
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    ๐Ÿ…ณ๐Ÿ…ฐ๐Ÿ†‚ ๐Ÿ…ธ๐Ÿ†ƒ Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by wincel View Post
    probably evolutionarily advantageous to have backups and men who could protect them
    Plus resources.
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