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  1. #1
    Registered User malabom's Avatar
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    Cool GF still talking to exes. Most alpha move?

    Hey misc, so I’ve been dating this girl for about a month and a half.

    She’s a great girl, overall. Very attractive, things are going well. Maybe a little fast if anything.

    Recently she had her phone open on messenger for a brief second on the messenger inbox while I was next to her and I saw the name Shaun. Thought nothing of it In that moment but remembered the name. Then I find out her ex before her last relationships name is Shaun (spelled like that)

    I’m ok with my girl having guy friends to an extent of certain boundaries of course but I don’t think dudes who have dicked her down is ok with me at all. Am I way off on this? Keep in mind my last serious relationship was 3.5 yrs long where at the end I discovered my ex had cheated on me with my best friend of a decade. (and other dudes/girls) Knocked him tf out and never spoke to either of them again. Anyways long story short I have major trust issues from that now.

    I have not confronted her about it yet, but I do not think it’s something I am okay with.

    I would never carry on conversations with an ex from my past in a current relationship. Even if it was nothing romantic serious or sexual, just out of the respect for the current relationship. I just don’t do this.

    I’ll be honest, part of me is like.. I just kinda wanna go into her phone so I have factual info for when this conversation pans out.. but that’s a bitch move so I probably won’t go that route... never did any good in past relationships.

    What’s an alpha way to deal with this?
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  2. #2
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    Most alpha move will be to not care at all since alpha doesn't have girlfriend. He has sloots in rotation. Does he care about loosing one? Nope.
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  3. #3
    Registered User phattysquats's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by malabom View Post
    Hey misc, so I’ve been dating this girl for about a month and a half.

    She’s a great girl, overall. Very attractive, things are going well. Maybe a little fast if anything.

    Recently she had her phone open on messenger for a brief second on the messenger inbox while I was next to her and I saw the name Shaun. Thought nothing of it In that moment but remembered the name. Then I find out her ex before her last relationships name is Shaun (spelled like that)

    I’m ok with my girl having guy friends to an extent of certain boundaries of course but I don’t think dudes who have dicked her down is ok with me at all. Am I way off on this? Keep in mind my last serious relationship was 3.5 yrs long where at the end I discovered my ex had cheated on me with my best friend of a decade. (and other dudes/girls) Knocked him tf out and never spoke to either of them again. Anyways long story short I have major trust issues from that now.

    I have not confronted her about it yet, but I do not think it’s something I am okay with.

    I would never carry on conversations with an ex from my past in a current relationship. Even if it was nothing romantic serious or sexual, just out of the respect for the current relationship. I just don’t do this.

    I’ll be honest, part of me is like.. I just kinda wanna go into her phone so I have factual info for when this conversation pans out.. but that’s a bitch move so I probably won’t go that route... never did any good in past relationships.

    What’s an alpha way to deal with this?
    There's nothing to confront, she's not your gf, just dating

    She's talking to other guys, her ex, so she does not want you enough to focus on keeping you and building with you. She doesn't care if you hear about her talking to her ex either.

    Judge her actions, not her words. If you confront her all you get are her words.

    I would be honest and say I was feeling you but I hear you are still contacting your ex, I don't feel comfortable with that so let's take a break.
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  4. #4
    Registered User HoustonMiscer's Avatar
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    break up with her ass, thats the fukin move. why yall worrying about alpha and beta move, worry about whats the right move
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  5. #5
    Registered User malabom's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by phattysquats View Post
    There's nothing to confront, she's not your gf, just dating

    She's talking to other guys, her ex, so she does not want you enough to focus on keeping you and building with you. She doesn't care if you hear about her talking to her ex either.

    Judge her actions, not her words. If you confront her all you get are her words.

    I would be honest and say I was feeling you but I hear you are still contacting your ex, I don't feel comfortable with that so let's take a break.
    Nah bro worded that wrong we’re dating she’s my gf officially for 1.5 months, but yeah.. great advice, thx
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  6. #6
    Registered User phattysquats's Avatar
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    What she said to her ex Shaun is irrelevant so don't check her phone. What you and her have is not enough for her apparently, so she is looking to Shaun to get what she needs. Let's say you live a lie, continue dating her, keep your mouth shut, and let her do what she wants to do, and watch as she tries to reconnect with Shaun. Best case scenario would be that things don't work out with Shaun and she stays with you. But even if things don't work out with Shaun again, and she recommits to you in her mind, what will happen when she comes across a guy who is similar to Shaun in the future? Her Shaun-like co-worker, accountant, car salesman, gardener, personal trainer?

    Now what about Shaun's point-of-view. His best case scenario is probably she comes back to him. But she left him for a reason, and she will be looking for you again or a guy like you when things aren't going well enough Shaun. She's set herself up to live in a bad cycle, of wanting everything, and not being willing to commit. That's her life. She's shown her true colors.
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  7. #7
    Registered User malabom's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HoustonMiscer View Post
    break up with her ass, thats the fukin move. why yall worrying about alpha and beta move, worry about whats the right move
    True enough mane.. guess I already knew what I gotta do next just wondering if it’s a harsh
    But nah I got not too much patience for all that
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  8. #8
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    Originally Posted by malabom View Post
    Hey misc, so I’ve been dating this girl for about a month and a half.

    She’s a great girl, overall. Very attractive, things are going well. Maybe a little fast if anything.

    Recently she had her phone open on messenger for a brief second on the messenger inbox while I was next to her and I saw the name Shaun. Thought nothing of it In that moment but remembered the name. Then I find out her ex before her last relationships name is Shaun (spelled like that)

    I’m ok with my girl having guy friends to an extent of certain boundaries of course but I don’t think dudes who have dicked her down is ok with me at all. Am I way off on this? Keep in mind my last serious relationship was 3.5 yrs long where at the end I discovered my ex had cheated on me with my best friend of a decade. (and other dudes/girls) Knocked him tf out and never spoke to either of them again. Anyways long story short I have major trust issues from that now.

    I have not confronted her about it yet, but I do not think it’s something I am okay with.

    I would never carry on conversations with an ex from my past in a current relationship. Even if it was nothing romantic serious or sexual, just out of the respect for the current relationship. I just don’t do this.

    I’ll be honest, part of me is like.. I just kinda wanna go into her phone so I have factual info for when this conversation pans out.. but that’s a bitch move so I probably won’t go that route... never did any good in past relationships.

    What’s an alpha way to deal with this?

    Dump her and move on. When she comes back make her lick your ass and then toss her to the side of the road or add her to a rotation.

    Sleezeball and alpha. That's how you deal with her.

    Shes a sl00t. If shes texting her ex she wants his validation and most likely would drop you for him at the drop of a hat due to him having an emotional imprint on her. Shes most likely wanting his cawk too.

    Get out before it's too late. Let her go back to the ex, that **** will most likely fail and then shes totally fukd cause you've ditched her and the ex has just got what he wanted and dipped.

    Srs.

    1. Dump
    2. NC
    3. Make her lick ass when she crawls back
    4. Add to rotation or toss to side of the road.

    Next.
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  9. #9
    Registered User VesperT01's Avatar
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    Alphas have a rotation not a girlfriend.
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  10. #10
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    Just let it play out. Don’t let it bother you bro
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  11. #11
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    Originally Posted by phattysquats View Post
    What she said to her ex Shaun is irrelevant so don't check her phone. What you and her have is not enough for her apparently, so she is looking to Shaun to get what she needs. Let's say you live a lie, continue dating her, keep your mouth shut, and let her do what she wants to do, and watch as she tries to reconnect with Shaun. Best case scenario would be that things don't work out with Shaun and she stays with you. But even if things don't work out with Shaun again, and she recommits to you in her mind, what will happen when she comes across a guy who is similar to Shaun in the future? Her Shaun-like co-worker, accountant, car salesman, gardener, personal trainer?

    Now what about Shaun's point-of-view. His best case scenario is probably she comes back to him. But she left him for a reason, and she will be looking for you again or a guy like you when things aren't going well enough Shaun. She's set herself up to live in a bad cycle, of wanting everything, and not being willing to commit. That's her life. She's shown her true colors.

    OP, this is terrible advice and I encourage you not to follow it. You both have a new thing going and you said she’s great. You need more facts about this. You can ask if she still had relations to her ex, etc. Maybe talk about things and say you’re not comfortable with that if this is how you feel.

    Don’t throw someone to the curb because they talk to an ex. You don’t know how often or even what the message was about.
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  12. #12
    Registered User BullittEV's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    OP, this is terrible advice and I encourage you not to follow it. You both have a new thing going and you said she’s great. You need more facts about this. You can ask if she still had relations to her ex, etc. Maybe talk about things and say you’re not comfortable with that if this is how you feel.

    Don’t throw someone to the curb because they talk to an ex. You don’t know how often or even what the message was about.
    bro, terrible advice.

    Anyone who cares about their current relationship wouldnt want to rock the boat. Talking to exes is a no, period.

    I would start distancing myself from her- your relationship values dont add up. Imagine if she saw you talking to an ex? I bet you she'd be pissed.
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  13. #13
    Registered User malabom's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BullittEV View Post
    bro, terrible advice.

    Anyone who cares about their current relationship wouldnt want to rock the boat. Talking to exes is a no, period.

    I would start distancing myself from her- your relationship values dont add up. Imagine if she saw you talking to an ex? I bet you she'd be pissed.
    Right ? I feel like this should not have to be said. I think it’s merging on universally understood. But some people have different opinions.

    I think that when I bring it up, if she’s totally fine to stop talking to exes and understanding about it, then cool... catch her slipping I’d be out of there real quick.

    I think if I see any resistance to stop talking to exes though I’d have to dip out then and there

    I just don’t get it at all tbh
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  14. #14
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    First off... do you know she was contacting him? And he didn't try to message her and she shut him down?

    The alpha move is to confront the situation, get info, & if you don't like the info - go NC.

    The alpha move is not asking other people what the alpha move is.
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  15. #15
    Registered User malabom's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stev0n View Post
    First off... do you know she was contacting him? And he didn't try to message her and she shut him down?

    The alpha move is to confront the situation, get info, & if you don't like the info - go NC.

    The alpha move is not asking other people what the alpha move is.
    True enough. I don’t think I can trust that info tho. She said she’d quit smoking and tell me if she did.

    Came into her work one day and she’s like “oh don’t be mad I had a cigarette tonight“. Then just one tonight turned into “okay I also had one yesterday”
    Then I came to her place one time to pick something up after work, with short notice and she’s all “I smoked tonight” when we were about to get into her car cuz the ciggy wrapper was in there.

    Funny thing? Not even a big deal to me she smokes, as long as she’s tryna quit, told her I wouldn’t even be mad if she smokes and tells me, what is a big deal is the fact she’s hiding **** tho or feels the need to when I’m chill af about it.

    Anyway TLDR can’t trust what she tells me if I do ask, can only go off how she reacts
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    Originally Posted by BullittEV View Post
    bro, terrible advice.

    Anyone who cares about their current relationship wouldnt want to rock the boat. Talking to exes is a no, period.

    I would start distancing myself from her- your relationship values dont add up. Imagine if she saw you talking to an ex? I bet you she'd be pissed.

    They are not in a relationship.
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    Originally Posted by malabom View Post
    Came into her work one day and she’s like “oh don’t be mad I had a cigarette tonight“. Then just one tonight turned into “okay I also had one yesterday”
    Then I came to her place one time to pick something up after work, with short notice and she’s all “I smoked tonight” when we were about to get into her car cuz the ciggy wrapper was in there.

    Funny thing? Not even a big deal to me she smokes, as long as she’s tryna quit, told her I wouldn’t even be mad if she smokes and tells me, what is a big deal is the fact she’s hiding **** tho or feels the need to when I’m chill af about it.

    Anyway TLDR can’t trust what she tells me if I do ask, can only go off how she reacts
    I've been with these types of girls before. Best advice is to just break up with her and move on. If you stay with her and don't say anything, you'll always suspect something and wonder why tf she needs to be talking to an ex. If you stay with her and say something, she'll think you're insecure.

    She'll likely kick and scream, accuse you of "not trusting her" and "being insecure and controlling", "they're just friends" "I bet you still have people from your past who you talk to". They honestly all say the same sh*t lol.

    You know sacrifices you would make for a partner (not talking to exes), so don't accept anything less from a partner. You'll find someone who shares the same values.

    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    They are not in a relationship.
    OP confirmed that they are - see post #5.
    Last edited by Cloudburn; 03-07-2020 at 03:17 PM.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Are you exclusive?
    Yes
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    Originally Posted by Cloudburn View Post
    I've been with these types of girls before. Best advice is to just break up with her and move on. If you stay with her and don't say anything, you'll always suspect something and wonder why tf she needs to be talking to an ex. If you stay with her and say something, she'll think you're insecure.

    She'll likely kick and scream, accuse you of "not trusting her" and "being insecure and controlling", "they're just friends" "I bet you still have people from your past who you talk to". They honestly all say the same sh*t lol.

    You know sacrifices you would make for a partner (not talking to exes), so don't accept anything less from a partner. You'll find someone who shares the same values.



    OP confirmed that they are - see post #5.

    Solid advice, and pretty much what I was thinking. I almost know exactly what she’s gonna say already without her saying it. Wether that’s truth or not it just doesn’t match up with my values.

    I think the only situation I’d be willing to make it work if she’s understanding and doesn’t make any fuss about it, exits him/them from life and I don’t catch her slipping.

    Solid advice misc thanks, will keep posted on what happens.
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    Originally Posted by malabom View Post
    Solid advice, and pretty much what I was thinking. I almost know exactly what she’s gonna say already without her saying it. Wether that’s truth or not it just doesn’t match up with my values.

    I think the only situation I’d be willing to make it work if she’s understanding and doesn’t make any fuss about it, exits him/them from life and I don’t catch her slipping.

    Solid advice misc thanks, will keep posted on what happens.

    Holy Fu(k you’ve known her for 45 days... get to know her and build a relationship and talk to her. Jesus
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Holy Fu(k you’ve known her for 45 days... get to know her and build a relationship and talk to her. Jesus
    Why? The start of the relationship should be the most exciting part and when you should be proving to the other person that you're serious about things. She's already hiding her smoking from OP and only admitted to it because she was about to get busted (in the car). Little white lies like that show signs of poor character - in my experience.

    The bottom line is, nothing good comes from keeping exes around.
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    Firstly, this is a sucky situation OP, coming from someone who just went through the exact same thing with a girl I was dating.

    How long ago were they together? This is pretty important, if its a relatively recent breakup (<6 months) this is a major red flag bud seriously, and I think one of the posters above hit the nail on the head you should talk to her about it (but keep your cool in an honest way to find out what their current relationship is) and you need to consider asking her if she's ready to be dating you if this breakup was recent.

    Think about it like this OP, you have found this new great chick who is now your gf, you're really into her and want to build on it and see where it goes, however one day your ex (who you have no feelings for) is hitting you up - are you even responding or flirting with the idea of being friends with them/damaging your new relationship?

    Some people have legit relations with ex's, I do have some that are distant friends I dated a long time ago, but if this is a fresh breakup, honestly man this is a big issue unfortunately, you just have to play your cards cool here and ask her if she's sure about pursuing a relationship with you at this time.
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    The alpha thing to do is to confront her and set hard boundaries.

    Still not a good sign that she isn't adhering to obvious boundaries. IMO that's a sign of more boundary-crossing to come.

    If she denies talking to Shaun outright, dump her immediately. But you might wanna consider dumping her anyway,
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    Originally Posted by malabom View Post
    True enough. I don’t think I can trust that info tho. She said she’d quit smoking and tell me if she did.

    Came into her work one day and she’s like “oh don’t be mad I had a cigarette tonight“. Then just one tonight turned into “okay I also had one yesterday”
    Then I came to her place one time to pick something up after work, with short notice and she’s all “I smoked tonight” when we were about to get into her car cuz the ciggy wrapper was in there.

    Funny thing? Not even a big deal to me she smokes, as long as she’s tryna quit, told her I wouldn’t even be mad if she smokes and tells me, what is a big deal is the fact she’s hiding **** tho or feels the need to when I’m chill af about it.

    Anyway TLDR can’t trust what she tells me if I do ask, can only go off how she reacts
    The biggest problem I see with this whole thing is, if she lies about smoking/quitting smoking most likely she's gonna lie about tons of other stuff. Huge red flag right there.
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    My husband would be livid if I was consdiently messaging other men, he gets weird sometimes at aa meetings when a man seems to friendly in an aa meeting, his ex was a massive cheater. I’m not the jealous type but if he was talking to an ex and it wasn’t his babies momma about the kids and was hiding it and I found out, I’d talk to him and be pretty hurt. Do you know if they have hung out recently? Do they work together or trying to settle like the fees of breaking a lease or phone plan? Were they married
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    Are you a BBC?
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Are you a BBC?
    No homo???
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    No homo???
    Nope. He’s from Zimbabwe
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    Originally Posted by dolvioblue View Post
    Nope. He’s from Zimbabwe
    But why are you asking him if he has a big black ****? lol What does that have to do with his OP?
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