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  1. #1
    Registered User sandman2019's Avatar
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    How do you develop deeper connections with women? (srs)

    I feel like i have a problem with developing deep connections with women, none of my relationships with women have been long usually 6 to 8 months.

    I think the problem is i always play the game. I'm charismatic and can make women laugh, i can say the right things, put me in a house party situation or at a bar and i can chat a women up and 'game' a women (inb4 game means nothing)

    but in a relationship my manner never moves. I'm always like this. Always making her laugh, being cheeky, etc

    I think the problem is women get frustrated and annoyed because they never know where they stand with me and a lot of women say 'i don't even know you' despite spending so mcuh time with me.

    Usually this results in a bad thing i've been cheated on, girls i've loved have left me etc. I know it's all my fault. And i know most women thing no big loss because i wasn't really anything to them.

    What am i doing wrong?

    Do i need to make more of an effort to really get to know a women?
    ask her what her passions are? what she strives for etc? it just ffeels weird for me to ask these questions as all my life i always seem to slip into this default mode when i'm with women - alpha, arrogant, cheeky, funny, mysterious etc. Good for picking up girls but terrible for relationships.

    srs all the feedback i get is always the same - i don't really know who you are, etc

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  2. #2
    Emotional inTelligence etet1919's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sandman2019 View Post
    I feel like i have a problem with developing deep connections with women, none of my relationships with women have been long usually 6 to 8 months.

    I think the problem is i always play the game. I'm charismatic and can make women laugh, i can say the right things, put me in a house party situation or at a bar and i can chat a women up and 'game' a women (inb4 game means nothing)

    but in a relationship my manner never moves. I'm always like this. Always making her laugh, being cheeky, etc

    I think the problem is women get frustrated and annoyed because they never know where they stand with me and a lot of women say 'i don't even know you' despite spending so mcuh time with me.

    Usually this results in a bad thing i've been cheated on, girls i've loved have left me etc. I know it's all my fault. And i know most women thing no big loss because i wasn't really anything to them.

    What am i doing wrong?

    Do i need to make more of an effort to really get to know a women?
    ask her what her passions are? what she strives for etc? it just ffeels weird for me to ask these questions as all my life i always seem to slip into this default mode when i'm with women - alpha, arrogant, cheeky, funny, mysterious etc. Good for picking up girls but terrible for relationships.

    srs all the feedback i get is always the same - i don't really know who you are, etc

    Maybe you have a problem opening up and showing the softer (not beta), more vulnerable side of yourself? Don't be too alarmed if it is simply a case of being young, and in your early twenties. I think a lot more guys are feeling this way too now. Maybe you just haven't connected intellectually, as well, with these particular girls. Try avoiding the club scene for a little while There are no games to be played in an adult relationship.
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  3. #3
    Registered User ArtistBrahs's Avatar
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    Re

    I have this problem but reversed. When first meeting someone I'm a bit nervous and it takes me a while to feel things out. I'm not terrible, but once the relationship develops and it's easier to let my guard down it's easier to build intimacy for me and my 'game' improves dramatically. It just feels more natural and not forced. But a lot of that is my temperament and personality.

    The trick is once you have them invested don't be afraid to treat them more like a friend or a loved one. I think women like it when someone can keep It real so long as you maintain the dominant frame.

    Game gets your foot in door but eventually you have to be more yourself and go for a deeper connection. It sounds like your afraid to do that. Maybe you have a deep fear of rejection that's holding you back.
    Last edited by ArtistBrahs; 02-10-2020 at 07:31 PM.
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  4. #4
    Emotional inTelligence etet1919's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ArtistBrahs View Post
    I have this problem but reversed. When first meeting someone I'm a bit nervous and it takes me a while to feel things out. I'm not terrible, but once the relationship develops and it's easier to let my guard down it's easier to build intimacy for me and my 'game' improves dramatically. It just feels more natural and not forced. But a lot of that is my temperament and personality.

    The trick is once you have them invested don't be afraid to treat them more like a friend or a loved one. I think women like it when someone can keep It real so long as you maintain the dominant frame.

    Game gets your foot in door but eventually you have to be more yourself and go for a deeper connection. It sounds like your afraid to do that. Maybe you have a deep fear of rejection that's holding you back.
    I wonder just how many guys struggle with feeling a true emotional connection with women, in general. I would think, for the average man, it either happens naturally over time (variably) or it doesn't develop much, or at all. This is just another one of those things that cannot be forced. No one should feel they have to "keep up their game" once they're in a stable intimate relationship.

    Why do you think your temperament affects this area of your life? Do you believe you're typically the more "controlling" type in a relationship?
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  5. #5
    Registered User Nicklol's Avatar
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    it naturally forms over time when they are attracted to you.
    it cant be faked. So ugly people dont experience it =(
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  6. #6
    Platinum Member HockeyBacon18's Avatar
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    nah i think your looking at it all wrong. i think instead of finding out more about her, talk more about you. talk more about your life to that point, what got you there, where you wanna go, what you wanna do, and always add the why. the more they talk about themselves, without finding stuff out in return, the more they think that there the only ones emotionally investing

    like you said, they think they barely know you.
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