Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 30 of 35
  1. #1
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline

    When there's been violence in a relationship, should it ever continue?

    Very, very long - apologies.

    Looking for perspectives on my situation.

    Background:

    (Female) been in a relationship for about 14 years cumulatively (6/7 years together, then nearly 3 years broken up, then back together, 7 years now). We got married soon after we got back together 7 years ago and had a child about 2 years ago.

    A couple of years into the first 6/7 yes we had a lot of bad arguments due to two main issues;

    I'd cheated early in the relationship (about two weeks in) - it involved kissing and some sexual contact, no sex. I told him the basics but will hold my hands up and say I minimised. We had not had any exclusively talk at that point but in our country most people don't date multiple people and assume fidelity from first date.

    A lap dancing club thing (stag/bachelor party) that he lied about (being in one at all, then about what happened etc.) He knew I wasn't comfortable about the prospect and had gone on the trip telling me nothing like that would be happening (he asked the stag who said he wasn't doing that but the dude changed his mind). People asked me at the time was it the sexual side or the lying that bothered me; it was both.

    (We had bad, escalating arguments about these issues (which got interwined because I told him I'd minimised about the early cheating during one of them; not my finest moment but he'd challenged me about forgiveness (of the whole lap dancing club thing inc. the lying) and said he'd forgive me pretty much anything).

    Here's the main topic … During two of these arguments he got physically aggressive towards me - first was holding me down on a bed with hands around my neck. He put some pressure on, but not a great deal, because I remember repeatedly telling him to get the **** off me. The second one he caught my arm and flung/threw me across the room (onto a bed) when I was walking past him after a nasty two way exchange.

    Our relationship recovered in some ways and in others did not from all this, we broke up for a short while and then several years later (5) broke up properly.

    We got back into a relationship nearly 3 years after that; we still cared about each other a lot and had had unsatisfying relationships with other people. When we got back together, I had a big reservation about the violence back then. The reservation was more about the principle, than of feeling scared of him in any way or thinking it would happen again. Nothing like that had happened during the latter 5 years of the relationship.

    In the last couple of years (we're back together 7 yrs now) we've had a sh!tload of stress with baby (really bad sleeper; ongoing sleep deprivation), house moves etc. We've had two bad arguments and after all this time I feel like he's verged on getting physically aggressive/violent again. He used his size to make me step back into a room and close the door on me in the first. The second he squared up to me/loomed over me. (I'm 5'6'', lightly built - he's 6'4" and not skinny for reference). This is really bothering me. I feel like we should split but don't want to break up my kids home and would also miss him a lot.

    He's a decent, good guy the majority of the time but when he's really lost his temper in a bad, nasty argument - he's got a kinda sneer on his face (I remember he smirked back when he flung me all those years ago and I did a crash test dummy impression against the bed/wall) and seems to be capable of this physical aggression/violence.

    I need to emphasise the arguments are rare and the majority of the time we get on (and now coparent) well. Obviously or we'd never have continued the relationship for so long, we are genuinely not one of those constantly fighting, high drama couples.

    Opinions?

    Is he like the dog that, once it has bitten, is always going to bite again?
    Last edited by Fugazi20; 01-28-2020 at 01:25 PM.
    Reply With Quote

  2. #2
    Mom the meatloaf!! Hitokiry's Avatar
    Join Date: Dec 2012
    Location: Chile
    Posts: 1,828
    Rep Power: 5860
    Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000) Hitokiry is a name known to all. (+5000)
    Hitokiry is offline
    have you talk the issue with him?
    The moments of my life in which I've grown had to do with failures; the moments of my life when I've gotten worse, had to do with success. Success is deforming, relax, deceives, makes us worse, we fall in love too much of ourselves; failure is the opposite, it's formative, makes us strong, brings us closer to our convictions, make us consistent.

    Marcelo Bielsa
    Reply With Quote

  3. #3
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by Hitokiry View Post
    have you talk the issue with him?
    Not yet.

    I'm trying to get my head around it.

    I thought getting some perspectives from other people (who have detachment) would help me.

    It's going to have to be talked about though, I know.
    Last edited by Fugazi20; 01-28-2020 at 02:03 PM.
    Reply With Quote

  4. #4
    Registered User billclintonnn's Avatar
    Join Date: Jun 2013
    Posts: 2,865
    Rep Power: 13315
    billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000)
    billclintonnn is offline
    Thing I sort of realized recently is that people don't change. Quick story, my father and mother have been married for about 31 years now. Met as seniors in high school, broke up three years later and then seven years later decided to get back together and got married. My brother was about one when this happened and my mom was pregnant with my older sister (stillborn) at the time and they got into a heated argument about something. My dad threatened to kick my mom out of the house and also said he would take my brother and she would never see him again. And that she can have the baby she has now. This was around 1991.

    Fast forward to June of 2017 and the exact same thing happened with my dad threatening to kick my mom out of the house. Now they don't even speak while living in the same house which is very uncomfortable for the family. Point I'm trying to make is that people show you who they are listen to them and don't make excuses. Also this is something you're probably going to have to deal with at some point again down the road. It seems like your husband/BF is a massive bully and you back down. IMO, violence is never acceptable in a relationship ever. However, you do have a kid which makes it that much harder. I'd say start with having a conversation with him and make it clear that this is unacceptable to you. Depending on what he says would gear on what you should do next.
    I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
    Reply With Quote

  5. #5
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by billclintonnn View Post
    Thing I sort of realized recently is that people don't change. Quick story, my father and mother have been married for about 31 years now. Met as seniors in high school, broke up three years later and then seven years later decided to get back together and got married. My brother was about one when this happened and my mom was pregnant with my older sister (stillborn) at the time and they got into a heated argument about something. My dad threatened to kick my mom out of the house and also said he would take my brother and she would never see him again. And that she can have the baby she has now. This was around 1991.

    Fast forward to June of 2017 and the exact same thing happened with my dad threatening to kick my mom out of the house. Now they don't even speak while living in the same house which is very uncomfortable for the family. Point I'm trying to make is that people show you who they are listen to them and don't make excuses. Also this is something you're probably going to have to deal with at some point again down the road. It seems like your husband/BF is a massive bully and you back down. IMO, violence is never acceptable in a relationship ever. However, you do have a kid which makes it that much harder. I'd say start with having a conversation with him and make it clear that this is unacceptable to you. Depending on what he says would gear on what you should do next.
    Sadly I think you're right - even when years and years between incidents makes you think it's not going to happen again or it doesn't represent them.
    Reply With Quote

  6. #6
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Incidentally I don't know why your dad thought he could kick your mom out - they're married, she has the right to half the house, I think. Likewise he'd have to proof she was a total crackhead or something in order to get full custody of any child (?)

    That's **** about the atmosphere - it is not feasible for them to split or ..?
    Reply With Quote

  7. #7
    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2013
    Posts: 20,334
    Rep Power: 200154
    MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) MuzzieChik786 has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000)
    MuzzieChik786 is online now
    Step 1: talk to him about this. Tell him its unacceptable and if it happens ever again, you're bailing. It's worse for kids who have physically abusive parents than being in shared custody situations IMO.

    Step 2: stick to your word. If it happens again, pack up and leave.

    Although, I will say, you need to learn the art of diffusing situations. For example, I can tell from my husband's body language when he is about to get upset or isn't happy/comfortable talking about something. I either leave the room before things escalate and/or find another time to discuss things when he's ready to have a dialog.

    People behave differently depending on what's going on in their lives. If you've had a hard day at work, someone picking at your shortcomings or being negative/picky about things is going to grate on your nerves. Recognize when you're not feeling the best and not put yourself in those situations. Learn to recognize those times in your partner and avoid those situations.
    Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
    Thus unlamented let me die;
    Steal from the world, and not a stone
    Tell where I lie.

    2/17/15 - Dunk Tank Results: 15% bf (Omron said 18.6%) - 123.4 lbs LBM
    Reply With Quote

  8. #8
    Registered User billclintonnn's Avatar
    Join Date: Jun 2013
    Posts: 2,865
    Rep Power: 13315
    billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) billclintonnn is a splendid one to behold. (+10000)
    billclintonnn is offline
    Originally Posted by Fugazi20 View Post
    Incidentally I don't know why your dad thought he could kick your mom out - they're married, she has the right to half the house, I think. Likewise he'd have to proof she was a total crackhead or something in order to get full custody of any child (?)

    That's **** about the atmosphere - it is not feasible for them to split or ..?
    Kind of complicated. My mom was a stay at home mom and has no other financial support other than him. She recently got a job at an Amazon warehouse and is looking to go HR and eventually get out. But that is what my dad does for manipulation. The second time he did that at the end he said, "you know I'd never do that right?" Then why say it?
    I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. I never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. These allegations are false. And I need to go back to work for the American people. Thank you.
    Reply With Quote

  9. #9
    Registered User dylanstephens54's Avatar
    Join Date: Jun 2014
    Age: 27
    Posts: 566
    Rep Power: 2769
    dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) dylanstephens54 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    dylanstephens54 is offline
    He probly lost all respect for you when you cheated on him and lied to him about it

    Doubt that respect will ever return

    End the relationship you are both sht people
    Reply With Quote

  10. #10
    Registered User poolshark472's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2006
    Location: United States
    Posts: 10,303
    Rep Power: 22160
    poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    poolshark472 is offline
    Kissing/foreplay two weeks into dating without being exclusive; getting a lapdance at a bachelor party

    These are the things that have caused years and years of fighting and arguing between you both? Were you each other's first sexual partner or something?
    Shadows and dust
    Reply With Quote

  11. #11
    Registered User MrBungle11's Avatar
    Join Date: Mar 2013
    Location: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
    Age: 41
    Posts: 6,900
    Rep Power: 69927
    MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) MrBungle11 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    MrBungle11 is offline
    Originally Posted by Fugazi20 View Post
    was holding me down on a bed with hands around my neck. He put some pressure on, but not a great deal, because I remember repeatedly telling him to get the **** off me.

    he caught my arm and flung/threw me across the room (onto a bed) when I was walking past him after a nasty two way exchange. home and would also miss him a lot.
    He's a decent, good guy
    wat.

    He's intimidating you and using his previous violence to get his way. You should have left after he tried to choke you and throw you around.

    I'd be concerned that someone who acts aggressively like this when mad, might act the same with your kid
    *MISC Runners Crew* Join MISCRunners on Strava - www.strava.com/clubs/MISCRunners
    *Cluster Headache Crew* If you also suffer and need help/advice on it, PM me
    Reply With Quote

  12. #12
    Registered User InPhase's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2008
    Location: Australia
    Age: 39
    Posts: 662
    Rep Power: 3609
    InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) InPhase is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    InPhase is offline
    Originally Posted by poolshark472 View Post
    Kissing/foreplay two weeks into dating without being exclusive; getting a lapdance at a bachelor party

    These are the things that have caused years and years of fighting and arguing between you both? Were you each other's first sexual partner or something?
    This relationship sounds like a complete joke, with 2 tards in it, if these 2 minor things are still issues years down the track.

    Just divorce. You're both idiots.
    Reply With Quote

  13. #13
    Registered User PxV's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2013
    Age: 33
    Posts: 363
    Rep Power: 165
    PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50) PxV will become famous soon enough. (+50)
    PxV is offline
    Talk to him about your issues, you're married and have a kid together, we can all give our opinion but in the end, whatever the decision you'll make think about the kid. Also, he probably never forgot about the cheating part, oh well.
    Reply With Quote

  14. #14
    can only give insight etet1919's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2018
    Posts: 2,285
    Rep Power: 20863
    etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) etet1919 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    etet1919 is offline
    Originally Posted by Fugazi20 View Post
    Very, very long - apologies.

    Looking for perspectives on my situation.

    Background:

    (Female) been in a relationship for about 14 years cumulatively (6/7 years together, then nearly 3 years broken up, then back together, 7 years now). We got married soon after we got back together 7 years ago and had a child about 2 years ago.

    A couple of years into the first 6/7 yes we had a lot of bad arguments due to two main issues;

    I'd cheated early in the relationship (about two weeks in) - it involved kissing and some sexual contact, no sex. I told him the basics but will hold my hands up and say I minimised. We had not had any exclusively talk at that point but in our country most people don't date multiple people and assume fidelity from first date.

    A lap dancing club thing (stag/bachelor party) that he lied about (being in one at all, then about what happened etc.) He knew I wasn't comfortable about the prospect and had gone on the trip telling me nothing like that would be happening (he asked the stag who said he wasn't doing that but the dude changed his mind). People asked me at the time was it the sexual side or the lying that bothered me; it was both.

    (We had bad, escalating arguments about these issues (which got interwined because I told him I'd minimised about the early cheating during one of them; not my finest moment but he'd challenged me about forgiveness (of the whole lap dancing club thing inc. the lying) and said he'd forgive me pretty much anything).

    Here's the main topic … During two of these arguments he got physically aggressive towards me - first was holding me down on a bed with hands around my neck. He put some pressure on, but not a great deal, because I remember repeatedly telling him to get the **** off me. The second one he caught my arm and flung/threw me across the room (onto a bed) when I was walking past him after a nasty two way exchange.

    Our relationship recovered in some ways and in others did not from all this, we broke up for a short while and then several years later (5) broke up properly.

    We got back into a relationship nearly 3 years after that; we still cared about each other a lot and had had unsatisfying relationships with other people. When we got back together, I had a big reservation about the violence back then. The reservation was more about the principle, than of feeling scared of him in any way or thinking it would happen again. Nothing like that had happened during the latter 5 years of the relationship.

    In the last couple of years (we're back together 7 yrs now) we've had a sh!tload of stress with baby (really bad sleeper; ongoing sleep deprivation), house moves etc. We've had two bad arguments and after all this time I feel like he's verged on getting physically aggressive/violent again. He used his size to make me step back into a room and close the door on me in the first. The second he squared up to me/loomed over me. (I'm 5'6'', lightly built - he's 6'4" and not skinny for reference). This is really bothering me. I feel like we should split but don't want to break up my kids home and would also miss him a lot.

    He's a decent, good guy the majority of the time but when he's really lost his temper in a bad, nasty argument - he's got a kinda sneer on his face (I remember he smirked back when he flung me all those years ago and I did a crash test dummy impression against the bed/wall) and seems to be capable of this physical aggression/violence.

    I need to emphasise the arguments are rare and the majority of the time we get on (and now coparent) well. Obviously or we'd never have continued the relationship for so long, we are genuinely not one of those constantly fighting, high drama couples.

    Opinions?

    Is he like the dog that, once it has bitten, is always going to bite again?
    If you don't want to be a crash test dummy again, then leave. If he can't control his temper, leave. Don't stick around for more abuse!

    Unless he agrees to go to a counselor and get help... Until then, separate. Or leave for good.
    Reply With Quote

  15. #15
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by poolshark472 View Post
    Kissing/foreplay two weeks into dating without being exclusive; getting a lapdance at a bachelor party

    These are the things that have caused years and years of fighting and arguing between you both? Were you each other's first sexual partner or something?
    No, those two issues caused the arguments early-ish in the relationship - when he was violent.

    In the last year or two (12 + yrs down the line) the couple of arguments I'm referring to have been around the strain of baby who sleeps badly, work pressure etc etc.

    Not about the cheating or the lap dancing club thing; that's long last history and hasn't been mentioned in years.


    (And just for accuracy - what I said was that we hadn't had a formal exclusivity talk, but in this neck of the woods, exclusively is generally assumed from when you start dating).
    Reply With Quote

  16. #16
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by InPhase View Post
    This relationship sounds like a complete joke, with 2 tards in it, if these 2 minor things are still issues years down the track.

    Just divorce. You're both idiots.
    See the above.

    Those issues are long gone as any source of conflict.

    I outlined them for background: to explain in what context be was violent back then and why him squaring up to me in a recent argument is even worse than if it were just new/isolated.

    He hasn't done anything like that between 12+ years ago and recently, which is head wrecking.
    Reply With Quote

  17. #17
    Registered User mitchynufc's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2019
    Posts: 172
    Rep Power: 471
    mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250) mitchynufc has a spectacular aura about. (+250)
    mitchynufc is offline
    It would be interesting to hear his side of the choking/attacking stories before judging. I myself have did this to a woman when she was constantly testing my patients, shouting, screaming even slapping my face to the point that I could no longer control my anger - I'm pretty sure that you are somewhat to blame in these situations as much as he is.

    Also, the fact that you are doubting your relationship is alarming, maybe have a break away for a small amount of time that way you could figure yourselves what you really want from the relationship going forward whether that is being together or to separate.
    Last edited by mitchynufc; 01-29-2020 at 05:35 AM.
    UK Crew
    Reply With Quote

  18. #18
    Registered User elterrible987's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2010
    Posts: 13,281
    Rep Power: 29783
    elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) elterrible987 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    elterrible987 is online now
    I would say no but that is being theoretical and ideal. In the real world, a lot of people are fuk ups and attract other fuk ups so its going to be very common in a lot of circles.
    Reply With Quote

  19. #19
    Registered User Caldef's Avatar
    Join Date: Oct 2019
    Age: 50
    Posts: 505
    Rep Power: 10323
    Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000) Caldef is a splendid one to behold. (+10000)
    Caldef is online now
    Hang on so the violence happened 12-14 years ago, and you've gotten married and had a kid since then?

    Seriously I have to wonder why you are worrying about events that happened over a decade ago.

    People can and do change and if he has never hit you again since, that speaks for itself. Him sneering at you and looking intimidating now, isn't indicative of an ongoing violence problem. It's probably just that you're both sleep deprived (which is normal) and need some decent rest. But kids do grow up and eventually you'll get some decent sleep again.

    In the meantime, don't overthink stuff and just try to live in the present. Work on rebuilding and strengthening the good stuff, forget about the past (it was so long ago) and remember to put your kids first, always. All the best to both of you xx
    Insta: debbieannnz
    Reply With Quote

  20. #20
    Registered User Anachron's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2015
    Age: 40
    Posts: 12,150
    Rep Power: 107260
    Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000) Anachron has a reputation beyond repute. Second best rank possible! (+100000)
    Anachron is online now
    This whole thread sounds made up to be honest, I am even surprised at the amount of honest replies. Are we seriously talking about something that happened over ten years ago, and with someone who OP has decided to since build a life with, including having a child with?
    Reply With Quote

  21. #21
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by Caldef View Post
    Hang on so the violence happened 12-14 years ago, and you've gotten married and had a kid since then?

    Seriously I have to wonder why you are worrying about events that happened over a decade ago.

    People can and do change and if he has never hit you again since, that speaks for itself. Him sneering at you and looking intimidating now, isn't indicative of an ongoing violence problem. It's probably just that you're both sleep deprived (which is normal) and need some decent rest. But kids do grow up and eventually you'll get some decent sleep again.

    In the meantime, don't overthink stuff and just try to live in the present. Work on rebuilding and strengthening the good stuff, forget about the past (it was so long ago) and remember to put your kids first, always. All the best to both of you xx
    He squared up to me, like a boxer does to another boxer during an argument a couple of weeks ago ...except I'm not another boxer and he's 6'3" to my 5'6" and obviously in a different ballpark of strength. My toddler would probably be relatively stronger to me than I am to him.

    That's why I'm thinking about the past incidents and am really uncomfortable & pissed off.
    Reply With Quote

  22. #22
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by Anachron View Post
    This whole thread sounds made up to be honest, I am even surprised at the amount of honest replies. Are we seriously talking about something that happened over ten years ago, and with someone who OP has decided to since build a life with, including having a child with?
    I fkg wish it was made up.

    See the above re. being over ten years ago. I wouldn't have a problem if he wasn't moving in the direction of what he did back then again.
    Reply With Quote

  23. #23
    Registered User poolshark472's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2006
    Location: United States
    Posts: 10,303
    Rep Power: 22160
    poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) poolshark472 has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    poolshark472 is offline
    Originally Posted by Fugazi20 View Post
    He squared up to me, like a boxer does to another boxer during an argument a couple of weeks ago ...except I'm not another boxer and he's 6'3" to my 5'6" and obviously in a different ballpark of strength. My toddler would probably be relatively stronger to me than I am to him.

    That's why I'm thinking about the past incidents and am really uncomfortable & pissed off.
    Squared up like he was going to hit you? Did he raise his hands? Did you posture up to him first with confrontational body language? What kind of verbal exchange led up to this?

    Just trying to get a better picture. Either way the fact that he basically held you down and strangled you is very disturbing and IMO unforgivable but then again it happened over a decade ago and you stayed after that and started a family together so it's just kind of strange and complicated now.
    Shadows and dust
    Reply With Quote

  24. #24
    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) AdikinBawls's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2018
    Age: 28
    Posts: 872
    Rep Power: 5207
    AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000) AdikinBawls is a name known to all. (+5000)
    AdikinBawls is offline
    Originally Posted by Anachron View Post
    This whole thread sounds made up to be honest, I am even surprised at the amount of honest replies. Are we seriously talking about something that happened over ten years ago, and with someone who OP has decided to since build a life with, including having a child with?
    Lol this. Besides, how do so many "women" find a bodybuilding site and decide that this is the right place to ask for advice regarding an abusive husband? Gtfoh, a cursory glance at half the threads around here would show that the majority of given advice revolves around "fist yourself" and "try men" what do you expect to learn here lmao.

    That being said OPie, fist yourself.
    *Natural Calves Crew*

    Short, stubby limbs, chest gap, narrow shoulders, wide hips, balding, but all that and I've still got those Natural Calves Crew ^^
    Reply With Quote

  25. #25
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by poolshark472 View Post
    Squared up like he was going to hit you? Did he raise his hands? Did you posture up to him first with confrontational body language? What kind of verbal exchange led up to this?

    Just trying to get a better picture. Either way the fact that he basically held you down and strangled you is very disturbing and IMO unforgivable but then again it happened over a decade ago and you stayed after that and started a family together so it's just kind of strange and complicated now.
    No, he didn't raise his hands, he squared up the way you see boxers do at that pre match thing they do. Like we'd have been nose to nose if my nose wasn't at his chest.

    I didn't posture up to him but I felt like he was trying to move me by coming v close to me so I stood my ground because I felt like "I'm not running around here like like a scared rabbit, mate".

    The context was escalating arguing with a lot of frustration, offence, anger etc.

    Yup you're entirely right about the **** that happened years ago and the resulting situation now.
    Last edited by Fugazi20; 01-29-2020 at 09:51 AM.
    Reply With Quote

  26. #26
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by AdikinBawls View Post
    Lol this. Besides, how do so many "women" find a bodybuilding site and decide that this is the right place to ask for advice regarding an abusive husband? Gtfoh, a cursory glance at half the threads around here would show that the majority of given advice revolves around "fist yourself" and "try men" what do you expect to learn here lmao.

    That being said OPie, fist yourself.
    You don't seriously think I just found this site, do you.

    I'm here for (mostly) male perspectives and there are some good posters on here, at least one person I was hoping to get an opinion from has posted; and I hope the others turn up.

    There are nuggets of gold in the middle of all the sh!t on the misc (and the sh!t is still v funny).



    Cheers, same to you babe.
    Last edited by Fugazi20; 01-29-2020 at 10:05 AM.
    Reply With Quote

  27. #27
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Thanks to everyone who's posted so far btw - I appreciate it.
    Reply With Quote

  28. #28
    Registered User Fugazi20's Avatar
    Join Date: Jan 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 13
    Rep Power: 0
    Fugazi20 is on a distinguished road. (+10)
    Fugazi20 is offline
    Originally Posted by elterrible987 View Post
    I would say no but that is being theoretical and ideal. In the real world, a lot of people are fuk ups and attract other fuk ups so its going to be very common in a lot of circles.
    Truth.
    Reply With Quote

  29. #29
    Alwayz SRS. BulkingAkaFAT's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2019
    Posts: 1,116
    Rep Power: 6399
    BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000) BulkingAkaFAT is a name known to all. (+5000)
    BulkingAkaFAT is offline
    Originally Posted by Fugazi20 View Post

    Opinions?

    Is he like the dog that, once it has bitten, is always going to bite again?
    Tours over. You 2 aren't right for each other? Isn't that obvious..

    So you can go off & cheat on him - But there's an issue with him going to a strip club? DURRRRRRRRRRR WTF!? Are you mentally ill?

    Secondly, The arguments & aggresive outbursts are probably because he doesn't trust you.... & TRUST ME - It'll always be in his head.

    Best thing to do - Seperate & maintain a healthy relationship for the child before it's too late.
    - Cutz 4 Sloots
    - Virg 4 Lyf Crew

    *MMA - Kickboxing*
    *Rugby Crew* - Outside Centre
    Reply With Quote

  30. #30
    Practicing Safe Sets littlemissy's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2012
    Location: Texas, United States
    Posts: 1,667
    Rep Power: 20867
    littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000) littlemissy has much to be proud of. One of the best! (+20000)
    littlemissy is online now
    I suppose my only questions is... Would you be happy with living the rest of your life this way? In this.. medium pondering if it'll happen again.

    I personally wouldn't.
    "No Pecs No Secks, Can't do a curl - won't get a girl" - Chengman
    Reply With Quote

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts