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  1. #1
    Registered User Czyzewski416's Avatar
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    Unhappy Full time Dad and only Source of Income but no time to workout

    Hi,
    My name is Will, I'm a fulltime dad and only source of income for my house hold. Here is the day and life of a dad and only source of income. I am a proud father of three and Loving husband to my wife Ashley, my Son Luke (age 4), my Daughter Ava (age 3), and my 9 month old Ella. my current hours of work are Monday through Thursday 1130am-0730pm and Fridays 9-5. To include about 35 hours of needed overtime to help keep the lights on in the house, those hours are random in the week but a consistent midnight to seven am on top of my regular shifts. by the time I get home from work its about 8pm at night and all I want to do is spend time with my kids and wife, by the time I get to bed after spending time with the misses its about 11pm. My 9 month old still wakes up about two times a night for a bottle about 1AM, and 4-5Am.

    the reason for this post is with all the chaos in my life I find it absolutely impossible to workout, I've tried waking up in the morning and working out but when I do I find myself to exhausted to get myself out of bed, on the off chance I do succeed in getting out of bed I feel tired, sick and stiff and bloated when it comes time to workout. Trying to workout at night is impossible as my wife is burned out from the kids all day and wants a break. In the morning consists of five breakfasts, running errands and spending the limited time with the kids to keep them away from my wife to give her a break.

    I never get time to myself, its always occupied with kids and work. lately I've been feeling down. I want to feel good about myself and not the fat dad I feel by the pool. I miss working out and being in shape and having abs. At one point I used to be in the Army and in the best shape of my life doing two a-days at the gym. I want to get bigger and stronger and have stamina again. if anyone has some positive influence and positive advice I could use it. its easy to say rise and grind until your in the situation. need a workout plan to help me get energy, build some mass and lean out that fits with my schedule.
    Last edited by Czyzewski416; 01-28-2020 at 05:52 AM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User Heisman2's Avatar
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    Can you get in good workouts on the weekend? You can do an upper body day on Saturday and a lower body day on Sunday. Then throughout the week you can sprinkle in quick workouts in the home (ie, pushups, pullups, bulgarian split squats, etc). Purchasing resistance bands can help you do this effectively.

    Separately, I'm a pediatrician; 9 month old children should sleep through the night. Start only giving water overnight if she does wake up and that should help extinguish that habit. Make sure she gets a full bottle of milk/formula before bed (also consider starting to transition to a sippy cup and only giving her the sippy cup with water overnight).
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  3. #3
    Registered User WakingOp's Avatar
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    My gym membership includes 2 hours of childcare per day. It's perfect, they take the children away AND I get to workout. Try the Y

    I can definitely see your wife needing a break. I spend until around 5-6 with mine and I'm usually twitchy by the time I go to work, or the wife gets home. But you can't let them run you, it will never stop
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    Father of 2 little little girls here. I took a year off from training when my youngest was born. She didn't sleep well and I couldn't find the energy until she started sleeping at least most of the way through the night.

    After she started sleeping better I had to find ways to work out that didn't take away from family time. I train 4x per week. Two of those are during my lunch break at work and 2 of those are @6am on Saturday and Sunday. I get home by 8am which is when the wife and kids are getting out of bed.How long are your breaks at work? Is the gym far? This may be a solution.

    And Sorry for the off topic but can you please make sure you have semi decent disability or life insurance. Based on what you described your wife and kids will be in a really bad position if you weren't able to go to work anymore.
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  5. #5
    I'll try anything twice. capnutra's Avatar
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    Take walk breaks at work. Get out of the office/factory/whatever on your break and go for a 10-20 minute brisk walk. Find time during that walk to do 10-20 Hindu pushups. Then do 10-20 more later in the walk or on another break.
    "Whether you think you can or think you can't... you're right."
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  6. #6
    Registered User Mia431997's Avatar
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    Try to stay active while doing activities with your kids like walking, hiking, jogging
    Also home workouts are always convenient
    Good luck
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    Formerly grouchyjarhead GrouchyUSMC's Avatar
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    I feel you. Married with two boys, another child on the way, and I can work anywhere from just 40 to 72 hours in a week depending on what we have going on.

    Wake up an hour early and start following this program. The nice thing is even on days when you feel awful, the workouts are not long at all nor do they require any fancy equipment. This will help develop that exercise habit so you can move on to bigger and better things. We have kettlebells and sandbags at our house and installed a pull-up bar, plus we will use weighted rucksacks for at-home workouts.

    http://site.stewsmithptclub.com/45dayplan.pdf
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  8. #8
    Registered User vristang's Avatar
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    Just my opinion, but this isn't a fitness problem, it is a marital problem. And, in my opinion, is probably more common that most would think.

    You described my marriage pretty accurately. Working 60-80hr weeks. I commuted roughly 2-3hrs per day. I get home, and immediately it is do the dishes, mow the lawn, make home repairs, run errands, take kids here and there, AND GIVE THE WIFE A BREAK.
    My wife, NEVER gave me time to myself. Not even 5 minutes alone to change my clothes after getting home.

    I am very happily divorced now. Let that sink in...

    Originally Posted by Czyzewski416 View Post
    Hi,
    In the morning consists of five breakfasts, running errands and spending the limited time with the kids to keep them away from my wife to give her a break.
    Women here may call me some choice words for saying this, but when does your wife take the kids, in order for you to have a break?

    This is not acknowledged enough in our society. Men are constantly taking on more at home, while still packing the title of primary or in my case, sole earner.
    YOU HAVE TO TAKE TIME TO GET YOUR HEAD CLEAR, EVERY DAY.
    Failing to do this, will result in bad health, substance abuse, mental illness, or ultimately divorce/homicide/suicide to get out of the marriage.

    Sit your wife down, have that hard difficult talk. Find some way for you to get time for yourself, AND (just as importantly) make sure your wife gets time for herself.
    Failing to do this, will very likely end in you having an ex-wife.
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    My advice is from personal experience only, use at your own risk, lol
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  9. #9
    Registered User radrd's Avatar
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    I only have one kid but my time is at a premium. Having a dedicated home gym helps a ton. Even if you don't have the space and/or budget to dedicate to everything you want, you could start with something like a Concept2 rower to get in shape. You can get in a hell of a workout in a short amount of time. Far from ideal, but better than nothing!
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  10. #10
    Registered User DCSpartan's Avatar
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    If you are working 80 hours a week to make ends meet and your wife isnt working, your problem isnt finding time to work out . . .

    That martyr crap is going to destroy your marriage and/your you.
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  11. #11
    Registered User BeginnerGainz's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DCSpartan View Post
    If you are working 80 hours a week to make ends meet and your wife isnt working, your problem isnt finding time to work out . . .

    That martyr crap is going to destroy your marriage and/your you.
    Assuming child care isn’t a problem...
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  12. #12
    Registered User Heisman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DCSpartan View Post
    If you are working 80 hours a week to make ends meet and your wife isnt working, your problem isnt finding time to work out . . .

    That martyr crap is going to destroy your marriage and/your you.
    With the cost of daycare it could even out.
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  13. #13
    It’s a good day to die! Pterodactyl314's Avatar
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    Do you have space for a barbell/dumbbells at home?
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    Registered User WakingOp's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BeginnerGainz View Post
    Assuming child care isn’t a problem...
    It won't be, because OP would be able to come home once in a while
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    Registered User vristang's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DCSpartan View Post
    That martyr crap is going to destroy your marriage and/your you.
    These words need to be stated again...


    OP, you stated you needed 35hrs of OT to 'keep the lights on'. WHY?
    Living on OT sucks horribly. I've done that, for 5-7yrs, for a wife who could not control her spending AND refused to work.
    Why do you have to live on OT? Is this a temporary situation, or just the lifestyle your wife is accustomed to?

    I'm not stating this crap because I want to kick you down, or show that I'm better than you, or even to pick on your wife.
    In fact, I'm saying this because I have tried to maintain the same level of 'family commitment' that you are trying to right now. It doesn't work. It cannot be sustained.
    The wife starts resenting you because you are never there, and when you are there, you are too tired to do much of anything. Things rapidly spiral out of control from there...
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  16. #16
    Registered User NearlyBigAngus's Avatar
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    You need to feel better about yourself first and foremost - your wife needs to recognize that when you're out at work you are doing just that... WORKING not resting and that you too need a break sometimes. If you fail to sort that you will just burn yourself out and that's no good to anybody.

    Make small steps at first - you can take control of your nutrition straight away... there's nothing preventing you from doing that if you want to do it enough and start to shed some of those unwanted lb's that are dragging your self esteem down.

    Can you make some bodyweight exercises like push ups/pull ups/sit ups part of your morning routine?
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  17. #17
    Registered User DCSpartan's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Heisman2 View Post
    With the cost of daycare it could even out.
    check his schedule. He doesnt get 5 consecutive hours off between shifts. He's heading for a breakdown, and thats going to be more expensive than childcare.
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    Registered User DCSpartan's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by vristang View Post
    These words need to be stated again...


    OP, you stated you needed 35hrs of OT to 'keep the lights on'. WHY?
    Living on OT sucks horribly. I've done that, for 5-7yrs, for a wife who could not control her spending AND refused to work.
    Why do you have to live on OT? Is this a temporary situation, or just the lifestyle your wife is accustomed to?

    I'm not stating this crap because I want to kick you down, or show that I'm better than you, or even to pick on your wife.
    In fact, I'm saying this because I have tried to maintain the same level of 'family commitment' that you are trying to right now. It doesn't work. It cannot be sustained.
    The wife starts resenting you because you are never there, and when you are there, you are too tired to do much of anything. Things rapidly spiral out of control from there...
    Amen. I would do shift work where I would work up to 80 hours in a week and I wasnt part of my family anymore. I made adjustments. Dont make the same money, but still have the same family. It was worth it.
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  19. #19
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    I know exactly what you do for a living lol. You work in sales.

    The 11:30am-7:30pm Mon-Thurs then 9-5 Fri is a dead giveaway.
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