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  1. #61
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    1. "Don't all sl00ts flirt via IG posts?" - no. Many keep their orbiters in check and dismiss their thirsty comments.

    2. I'm beginning to wonder why she even told you all this after a month.Could be a test. Could also be a way of letting you know she's gonna do w/e she wants with or without your approval and not respect your feelings (set the tone for a potential relationship down the line). If you're having serious issues (regardless of what they are) a month in it's a big red flag.
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  2. #62
    Registered User BritishTwit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Carljung View Post
    Not really, she has not taken you seriously about the whole ex coming over thing.

    If she allready has no respect for your understandable questions about it, then this is not a good person to be with.

    For me it would have allready been endex, my borderline detectors go off with this girl.
    The fact that she tries to steer the conversation to you being oversensitive, tells me that she is deflecting the things she knows are wrong(manipulative).

    Its a change of subject kind of thing, in this way she shows to really really want to have this ex over "for some reason"


    The core in a relationship is trust, this subject (contact with exes) is all about trust, and she wants to not even talk about it...this tells me she has no real interest or still not over her ex.
    Thanks man. Do you mean she comes off as BPD? Shes definitely a bit "different/quirky," not in the sense of being hipster, she just seems to be the kind of girl who doesn't care about social/dating conventions.

    That's a v good point. I don't trust her much at all re: him TBH. Like I said above too, we look alike, she's accidentally ordered a drink before for me that he likes.. I don't like being seen as the replacement.

    Do you think I'd be dodging a bullet if I ended things then? She's barely texting me now anyway but like I said I don't think I've done anything wrong apart from getting annoyed when she told me.

    Originally Posted by thelastsonxx View Post
    YOUve only been dating a few months. Just go with it. See what happens. Not worth stressing over. You said what you had to say so either accept it and take her at her word and move on or do what I would do and look past it she’s not even your woman yet
    I know we're not in a relationship yet but I feel like I'm being naïve here and would be waiting around to get cucked if her ex bf stayed over. Would rather end things before if they're gonna do that.

    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    I don't always go out of town to visit women I used to bang, but when I do it's because I plan on banging them some more.

    unless they have BF's.
    Then I stay away from that nonsense.

    opie, her world traveling chad photographer ex is going to stretch her out so much it'll feel like putting it in a cup of warm water when you get see her again.

    After he leaves.

    stay safe.
    Tbf, he's touring the UK and happens to be "passing through," our city is big on tourism. It does sound dodgy AF though. I deffo don't go for walks/drives to take photos with my exes lmfao.

    Would you tell her to tell him to fukk off?
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  3. #63
    Registered User Caldef's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    Thanks man. Do you mean she comes off as BPD? Shes definitely a bit "different/quirky," not in the sense of being hipster, she just seems to be the kind of girl who doesn't care about social/dating conventions.

    That's a v good point. I don't trust her much at all re: him TBH. Like I said above too, we look alike, she's accidentally ordered a drink before for me that he likes.. I don't like being seen as the replacement.

    Do you think I'd be dodging a bullet if I ended things then? She's barely texting me now anyway but like I said I don't think I've done anything wrong apart from getting annoyed when she told me.



    I know we're not in a relationship yet but I feel like I'm being naïve here and would be waiting around to get cucked if her ex bf stayed over. Would rather end things before if they're gonna do that.



    Tbf, he's touring the UK and happens to be "passing through," our city is big on tourism. It does sound dodgy AF though. I deffo don't go for walks/drives to take photos with my exes lmfao.

    Would you tell her to tell him to fukk off?
    No, I would tell HER to fukk off.

    Better yet I would not tell her anything ever again, would delete her number and forget her.

    She's planning to hook up with this other guy, she doesn't care about your feelings, and she turns it back on you. She's not relationship material and I'm not sure why you're still debating this.
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  4. #64
    Registered User BritishTwit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by EdwardTheGreat View Post
    Bolded all that needs to be read.
    Cheers man, would it also worry you that Im her "type"/look like her ex and she treats me like him sometimes?

    80% towards dumping the sloot now TBH. Misc has gotten to me lmao.

    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    1. "Don't all sl00ts flirt via IG posts?" - no. Many keep their orbiters in check and dismiss their thirsty comments.

    2. I'm beginning to wonder why she even told you all this after a month.Could be a test. Could also be a way of letting you know she's gonna do w/e she wants with or without your approval and not respect your feelings (set the tone for a potential relationship down the line). If you're having serious issues (regardless of what they are) a month in it's a big red flag.
    Thanks man. (1) Where do I find sloots like that brah? Sounds like diamond dust.

    (2) It sounds hard to explain but she chit tests me slightly on other things sometimes, either she's a total pushover (letting me decide what we do on every date and coming over for late night booty calls) or she's saying stuff like "I don't like to plan too far ahead and you're just gonna have to deal with it," saying I need to get a life instead of work/study/gym and then saying I'm being oversensitive for getting annoyed at it, etc.
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  5. #65
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Your girl is a slut dude. All the signs.

    That's why I said you were trolling, you basically posted the definition of a slut and then went on to say she's gf material.
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  6. #66
    Registered User BritishTwit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Caldef View Post
    No, I would tell HER to fukk off.

    Better yet I would not tell her anything ever again, would delete her number and forget her.

    She's planning to hook up with this other guy, she doesn't care about your feelings, and she turns it back on you. She's not relationship material and I'm not sure why you're still debating this.
    Largely tempted to TBH.

    Are you 100% sure they're planning to hook up though? She has told me tbf and been honest about it.. but I cant shake the feeling I'm just a replacement to her.
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  7. #67
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    Are you 100% sure they're planning to hook up though? She has told me tbf and been honest about it.. but I cant shake the feeling I'm just a replacement to her.
    omfg, this guy still doesn't get it... you're so DESPERATE to hang onto some pvssy, you'll believe anything.

    You are a beta.
    She is a slut.
    She's already lost respect for you.
    You will get cucked.

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  8. #68
    Registered User BritishTwit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    omfg, this guy still doesn't get it... you're so DESPERATE to hang onto some pvssy, you'll believe anything.

    You are a beta.
    She is a slut.
    She's already lost respect for you.
    You will get cucked.

    Could I not just try to talk it through with her and get him to not stay over or something though?

    I'll give it a day to think it over. He's meant to be coming this weekend so dis gon be gud. Don't want to stick around to get cucked but don't want to just throw the towel in either

    Also, mirin signature. Maybe I should make that my attitude.
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  9. #69
    Registered User sndgrper's Avatar
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    Don't listen to all these E-tough guys.
    Just play it cool and trust her that nothing happens, you've only been going out for a month. If something does happen then she wasn't the girl for you, simple as that. You making a big deal about it is going to push her away and isn't going to stop her from cheating, I have experience with this.... Not quite the same context but I have friends who are girls that I knew before my gf, I wouldn't stop hanging out with them just because my gf doesn't like it...
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  10. #70
    Keanu Reeves Checking In Zackad's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    Could I not just try to talk it through with her and get him to not stay over or something though?

    I'll give it a day to think it over. He's meant to be coming this weekend so dis gon be gud. Don't want to stick around to get cucked but don't want to just throw the towel in either

    Also, mirin signature. Maybe I should make that my attitude.
    my dude

    you keep asking the same questions despite getting the same responses from multiple other people.

    You can cope with this situation however you want, but the fact of the matter is this girl does not care enough about you to reassure you regarding the relationship. If you are already insecure regarding this ex, it's only a matter of time before either A) he comes back around since they're such good friends or B) she makes you insecure about another dude.

    I would 100% move on from this girl if I was you. Your'e way too hung up to not let things like this affect you, and honestly, rightly so. What she's doing is damaging to your guys' relationship, and she either can't or won't see that.
    "So there I am sitting in the waiting area of the hair salon with my niece and Keanu Reeves walks in. I was nervous as ****, but too scared to say anything to him. Then my niece started crying, and I’m trying to quiet her down because I don't want to bother him. Pretty soon he walks over and asks what's wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry. He put down his magazine, picked up my niece, and lifted up his shirt, and breastfed her right there in the salon. Chill guy, really nice about it."
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  11. #71
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    Largely tempted to TBH.

    Are you 100% sure they're planning to hook up though? She has told me tbf and been honest about it.. but I cant shake the feeling I'm just a replacement to her.
    You'll never know whether or not they did/didn't hook up.

    You will know that she disregarded your 100% rational concerns/feelings about the situation all to maintain a close friendship with an ex and save him a few bucks on alternative accommodations.
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  12. #72
    Registered User nonnick's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    You'll never know whether or not they did/didn't hook up.

    You will know that she disregarded your 100% rational concerns/feelings about the situation all to maintain a close friendship with an ex and save him a few bucks on alternative accommodations.
    This. @OP: If you don't care that she has sex with other people, you should be OK with him staying there. If you do care, he shouldn't sleep there. But if you do care, why exactly aren't you two in a relationship?

    Anyway, ignoring that little aspect, the fact that she acted like this so early into a relationship is already weird. I would have lost all respect for her as soon as she even considered it. Any respectful girl wouldn't even be talking with him. A less respectful girl would have told the dude that he needs to either stay somewhere else, or he can crash at hers while she sleeps at yours. This girl has 0 respect for you. My GF has had a couple of male friends (not exes) visiting, and she never even considered sleeping in the same house as them. She just asked me if it was OK for her to stay at mine for a couple of days while they slept at hers to save money.
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  13. #73
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Let's look at this from another angle though. This girl has been dating a guy casually for a month, they aren't exclusive, she still has feelings for her ex whom she dated for years.

    It's possible she is not actually doing anything particularly disrespectful because they are not exclusive. She sees this as a casual thing (at least for now), while OP doesn't.

    Regardless, it doesn't change the situation that you should exit. You are not on the same page.
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  14. #74
    Registered User sndgrper's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Let's look at this from another angle though. This girl has been dating a guy casually for a month, they aren't exclusive, she still has feelings for her ex whom she dated for years.

    It's possible she is not actually doing anything particularly disrespectful because they are not exclusive. She sees this as a casual thing (at least for now), while OP doesn't.

    Regardless, it doesn't change the situation that you should exit. You are not on the same page.
    You negged me and repeated pretty much the exact same thing
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    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sndgrper View Post
    You negged me and repeated pretty much the exact same thing
    Eh, you didn't say the same thing. You insulted everyone, you said to trust her, you assumed he'd know something happened which is absurd, and you compared apples to oranges by comparing friends to exes.
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  16. #76
    Registered User BritishTwit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by sndgrper View Post
    Don't listen to all these E-tough guys.
    Just play it cool and trust her that nothing happens, you've only been going out for a month. If something does happen then she wasn't the girl for you, simple as that. You making a big deal about it is going to push her away and isn't going to stop her from cheating, I have experience with this.... Not quite the same context but I have friends who are girls that I knew before my gf, I wouldn't stop hanging out with them just because my gf doesn't like it...
    Thanks for the different perspective brah. But if she cucked me she wouldn't tell me that's the thing.

    I feel like him being an ex makes all the difference though, like they legit used to fukk. I can understand them still being good friends maybe but with him looking like me and her treating me like him sometimes, chit feels weird.

    Originally Posted by Zackad View Post
    my dude

    you keep asking the same questions despite getting the same responses from multiple other people.

    You can cope with this situation however you want, but the fact of the matter is this girl does not care enough about you to reassure you regarding the relationship. If you are already insecure regarding this ex, it's only a matter of time before either A) he comes back around since they're such good friends or B) she makes you insecure about another dude.

    I would 100% move on from this girl if I was you. Your'e way too hung up to not let things like this affect you, and honestly, rightly so. What she's doing is damaging to your guys' relationship, and she either can't or won't see that
    .
    You're actually 100% right brah (and thanks for the reps as well as advice). Shes starting to come across as inconsiderate, which is a shame and also weird as sometimes she's a pushover. I get the feeling she's either too passive or too stubborn on things.

    Getting the opinions of multiple brahs (and girls) on here that she's doing the wrong thing is reassuring that it's not just me overreacting to this.

    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    You'll never know whether or not they did/didn't hook up.

    You will know that she disregarded your 100% rational concerns/feelings about the situation all to maintain a close friendship with an ex and save him a few bucks on alternative accommodations
    .
    Thanks brah, do you reckon as Lucifer posted above I get less say because we're not in a relationship yet? She did say she WANTED one though, and now she doesn't seem to give a fuk.
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  17. #77
    Registered User BritishTwit's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by nonnick View Post
    This. @OP: If you don't care that she has sex with other people, you should be OK with him staying there. If you do care, he shouldn't sleep there. But if you do care, why exactly aren't you two in a relationship?

    Anyway, ignoring that little aspect, the fact that she acted like this so early into a relationship is already weird. I would have lost all respect for her as soon as she even considered it. Any respectful girl wouldn't even be talking with him. A less respectful girl would have told the dude that he needs to either stay somewhere else, or he can crash at hers while she sleeps at yours. This girl has 0 respect for you. My GF has had a couple of male friends (not exes) visiting, and she never even considered sleeping in the same house as them. She just asked me if it was OK for her to stay at mine for a couple of days while they slept at hers to save money.
    I thought stuff was headed that way, as posted in the OP I asked her where we headed as she acts like she wants a relationship apart from this. And she explictly said a long-term relationship. She has been super clingy up till this point, I went in expecting an FWB situation with it being Tinder but then changed my mind because she seemed more mature than the other girls I date (she's older, has her chit together etc.)

    TBH this is what I was thinking, and your GF sounds like a keeper and great. It feels like my girl's trying to have her cake and eat it. Maybe if her ex had a GF who was also visiting. Or she didn't have a "type" that was clearly him (and me).

    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Let's look at this from another angle though. This girl has been dating a guy casually for a month, they aren't exclusive, she still has feelings for her ex whom she dated for years.

    It's possible she is not actually doing anything particularly disrespectful because they are not exclusive. She sees this as a casual thing (at least for now), while OP doesn't.

    Regardless, it doesn't change the situation that you should exit. You are not on the same page.
    So you reckon she doesn't want a relationship? She's acted like she's wanted one though (super clingy till the argument, constant texting, not the sort of behaviour a girl looking for an FWB wants). Plus, when I asked her at dinner recently where we were going, she said clearly she saw us having a long-term relationship. Idk why she'd lie about that especially being a woman. If she'd said FWB I would clearly have been down with that too.

    I will say though, she's nice usually but seems like a bit of a white liar over some things.. just little things. Looking back she might have just said that for the sake of it..
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    Don't prioritize someone who sees you as a second option.
    Ask yourself this, if you were seeing someone you were super interested in and your ex wanted to stay over "bUt Do NoThInG sExUaL", would you take your ex up on the offer?
    There is no fairy tale ending with this chick bro. Move on, go NC asap. Start the healing process.
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  19. #79
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    - Meetup with tinder sloot
    - Feeling this girl/wants to date
    - Red Flags, Red Flags, Red Flags, etc, etc Red flags

    Move on dude. listen to the misc, just move on, she's a sloot dude, this is what they do, this is what they're capable of, they're nothing more but sloots, all they'll do is give you a headache and ruin your life. Just move on, she's a sloot, she doesn't respect you, she treats you and everything like it's disposable, don't matter if she's got good pussy, drop this bitch.
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    So you reckon she doesn't want a relationship? She's acted like she's wanted one though (super clingy till the argument, constant texting, not the sort of behaviour a girl looking for an FWB wants). Plus, when I asked her at dinner recently where we were going, she said clearly she saw us having a long-term relationship. Idk why she'd lie about that especially being a woman. If she'd said FWB I would clearly have been down with that too.

    I will say though, she's nice usually but seems like a bit of a white liar over some things.. just little things. Looking back she might have just said that for the sake of it..
    Some women will lie to keep you in their orbit as a solid backup, I'm not gonna claim she's doing this but it's a possibility. She could easily have it in her mind that she wants a LTR with you if a rekindling doesn't happen with her ex. From her self interested POV, saying that to you is keeping you attached so you're 100% there afterwards if she wants.

    Regardless, as soon as mentioned pursuit of a LTR, you should have responded with a clear boundary that the meetup and sleepover thing with her ex is out of line and wouldn't be tolerated if she does in fact intend to pursue a LTR.

    You're a man, you need to set your boundaries and stop getting run over. If she doesn't meet that reasonable boundary, then adios.
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    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post
    I thought stuff was headed that way, as posted in the OP I asked her where we headed as she acts like she wants a relationship apart from this. And she explictly said a long-term relationship. She has been super clingy up till this point, I went in expecting an FWB situation with it being Tinder but then changed my mind because she seemed more mature than the other girls I date (she's older, has her chit together etc.)

    TBH this is what I was thinking, and your GF sounds like a keeper and great. It feels like my girl's trying to have her cake and eat it. Maybe if her ex had a GF who was also visiting. Or she didn't have a "type" that was clearly him (and me).
    Well, then it makes 0 sense. If your best friend was telling you this same story, what advice would you give him?
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    Originally Posted by 300BLK View Post
    - Meetup with tinder sloot
    - Feeling this girl/wants to date
    - Red Flags, Red Flags, Red Flags, etc, etc Red flags

    Move on dude. listen to the misc, just move on, she's a sloot dude, this is what they do, this is what they're capable of, they're nothing more but sloots, all they'll do is give you a headache and ruin your life. Just move on, she's a sloot, she doesn't respect you, she treats you and everything like it's disposable, don't matter if she's got good pussy, drop this bitch.
    This, so many chicks out there to put up with some slooty chit like this and waste your time
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  23. #83
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Let's look at this from another angle though. This girl has been dating a guy casually for a month, they aren't exclusive, she still has feelings for her ex whom she dated for years.

    It's possible she is not actually doing anything particularly disrespectful because they are not exclusive. She sees this as a casual thing (at least for now), while OP doesn't.

    Regardless, it doesn't change the situation that you should exit. You are not on the same page.
    Originally Posted by BritishTwit View Post

    Thanks brah, do you reckon as Lucifer posted above I get less say because we're not in a relationship yet? She did say she WANTED one though, and now she doesn't seem to give a fuk.
    Yes. 100% that thought is in her mind.

    But she's failing to realize you cannot push aside someone's feelings and expect to make it up to them later and have them trust you 100% once/if you become official.

    She knows damn well that this is a major issue. She just thinks she can have her cake and eat it too by having her ex stay at your place and figure out your potential relationship afterwards.

    Stand up to her and give her an ultimatum if you wish but the lack of respect she's currently giving you and fact that she thinks she can get everything she wants would make me advise you to cut your losses and stop thinking she will be a solid gf to you in the future. Even if she's "capable" of it, she won't be with you because once she goes through with this she will know she can walk all over you.
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    Dude you surprisingly have a lot of good advice ITT, yet seems like you are still ignoring/missing the point!

    Stop trying to guess whether she will cheat or not! You can't possibly know and while it's possible that she won't, it is not really the point! This whole situation will set a precedent for the boundaries that you have for yourself in the relationship moving forward. Critical time right here boyo.

    Let's assume the best. She really is just friends with her ex and we somehow know for a fact that zero cheating will occur on this specific visit. LOL does that mean you'll be ok with these kinds of visits moving forward? Her ex bf or any other guy she claims to be "just friends" with can stay at her place whenever??? LOL. If you're not ok with this for the rest of time, then there is no reason for you to compromise this first time around either. If you do, you'd be signalling to her that she's right about the whole thing and she should be able to pull this stunt whenever she wants.

    With that said, you can still give this girl the benefit of the doubt, that she's not looking to reconnect with her ex in a romantic way BUT you guys would still need to have a very serious convo about her naivete of something potentially happening despite her intentions, AND her lack of empathy/respect for you in this situation.

    Sometimes people can be a naive, selfish, hypocritical, etc.. but they cope with it internally and hide it from themselves. And all they need is for someone to finally point it out to them and stand their ground so they can see/admit the error in their ways. A lot of miscers have the false notion that any girl you pursue should already have ALL these things worked out. The irony is that people only act right when there's been people in their past that had the patience to hold them accountable to acting right. So yeah try talking to her about it as best you can. But if after your conversations with her, she still doesn't understand and wants to go through with it, then i would drop her without looking back.
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  25. #85
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    Originally Posted by fcnz32 View Post
    Sometimes people can be a naive, selfish, hypocritical, etc.. but they cope with it internally and hide it from themselves. And all they need is for someone to finally point it out to them and stand their ground so they can see/admit the error in their ways. A lot of miscers have the false notion that any girl you pursue should already have ALL these things worked out. The irony is that people only act right when there's been people in their past that had the patience to hold them accountable to acting right.
    It's incredibly tiring to set boundaries with a woman that's old enough to know better. You have to go through this entire back and forth drama every time. I'm also at the point where I'm highly skeptical that women do not recognize what they're doing is wrong, in cases like this. Do they really self delude that much?
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    Agreed with fcnz32.

    Her lack of courtesy and boundaries will most definitely extend beyond friendships with men too. There's going to be plenty of times in the future when she will make decisions on her own that affect the both of you with little to no regard for your wants/needs.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Eh, you didn't say the same thing. You insulted everyone, you said to trust her, you assumed he'd know something happened which is absurd, and you compared apples to oranges by comparing friends to exes.
    All I'm saying is they've only been dating for a month so there's not many feelings involved. It's not that big of a deal to just let things go and see what happens. If they've been going out for months and they're in a relationship then this scenario is totally different.
    Also I've lurked on these forums for ages and half of the people on here aren't in relationships/struggle to get girls so I would take their advice with a grain of salt.
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    cliffs? has she cheated on OP yet?
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    omfg, this guy still doesn't get it... you're so DESPERATE to hang onto some pvssy, you'll believe anything.

    You are a beta.
    She is a slut.
    She's already lost respect for you.
    You will get cucked.

    can confirm.. girls that still have feelings for another guy (or multiple guys) CLEARLY aren't loyal and there will be no commitment. Also I do believe women like this have no understanding of accountability, of course.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    It's incredibly tiring to set boundaries with a woman that's old enough to know better. You have to go through this entire back and forth drama every time. I'm also at the point where I'm highly skeptical that women do not recognize what they're doing is wrong, in cases like this. Do they really self delude that much?
    I don't disagree with you. It is definitely tiring after a point. I'm 30 now so if i'm ever single again, i definitely will not be as patient with older women. What i said is moreso directed to younger people who never want to/ know how to put that kind of work in. If you're past this kind of practice, you're an anomaly. Most people suck at communicating and setting boundaries.

    And don't be too skeptical. Remember that everyone is always the good guy in their own story. It's human nature to do mental gymnastics to convince yourself that what you're doing is ok. Yeah someone may recognize that what they're doing is wrong but they bury it from themselves. How deep, depends on how long they've been getting away with it.
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