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  1. #1
    Registered User user3657's Avatar
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    Am I being too nice?

    I am autistic a little so yes, this is going to be dumb hence why im asking.

    A few summers ago I dated a girl whos Uncle I worked with. The uncle recently passed away and we had not been in touch, besides a few missed calls I never returned. When we dated we did talk every single day and she even talked about moving here permanently.

    Her uncle was everything to her, and I felt extremely bad for her after hearing the news. She moved when she graduated a few years ago and she flew in to handle everything. My co-worker actually convinced me to contact her because he said the dad was no where to be found, no BF, and she was left handling everything. Her mom died at a young age so she does not have much family!

    I called to wish my condolences and it sounded like she was drinking which got me worried. I am very empathic so I tried to keep in touch. She was already back home so we never met up. There were a few times we talked on the phone and she blew the **** up and I knew she was stressed. She told me everything she had gone through and even that she had to clean the floor from the decaying body and pay for everything herself. She even mentioned she broke up with her BF 3 months ago and he wont leave her alone...We texted a little here and there till today....

    She said she was coming back down for a few months and wanted "my help" fixing the house so she could get "better". I responded you know I gotcha but I want $$$. I anit doing that **** for free. 4 hours later she said shes bringing a friend down to fix the house if I could just pick them up?!


    I am all down for helping people and karma but am I being too nice here? WTF cant they get an uber or something? Should I ask if she is bringing a guy? She is 25. I would normally never do anything like this but I generally feel bad for her and worry about her.

    My friend suggested I have nothing to lose if I pick them up. I dont know who she is bringing and im not spending money. That even if it was a guy that doesnt mean hes staying the entire 3 months.

    I am just asking for misc help. This girl knows I still have feels for her. I did take her virginity.

    Am I a bitch if I ask her who is coming?
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  2. #2
    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    You are too worried about "being a bitch."

    You reached out to her as a friend yet refuse to take any time out of your day to help her.

    Fixing up a house is a lot of time and work so understandable if you don't want to but if you can fit it into your schedule a ride from the airport isn't a big deal.

    If you're not willing to help her a bit there was no point reaching out in the first place IMO.
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  3. #3
    Registered User EliasEmmanuel's Avatar
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    EliasEmmanuel is offline
    Originally Posted by user3657 View Post
    I am autistic a little so yes, this is going to be dumb hence why im asking.

    A few summers ago I dated a girl whos Uncle I worked with. The uncle recently passed away and we had not been in touch, besides a few missed calls I never returned. When we dated we did talk every single day and she even talked about moving here permanently.

    Her uncle was everything to her, and I felt extremely bad for her after hearing the news. She moved when she graduated a few years ago and she flew in to handle everything. My co-worker actually convinced me to contact her because he said the dad was no where to be found, no BF, and she was left handling everything. Her mom died at a young age so she does not have much family!

    I called to wish my condolences and it sounded like she was drinking which got me worried. I am very empathic so I tried to keep in touch. She was already back home so we never met up. There were a few times we talked on the phone and she blew the **** up and I knew she was stressed. She told me everything she had gone through and even that she had to clean the floor from the decaying body and pay for everything herself. She even mentioned she broke up with her BF 3 months ago and he wont leave her alone...We texted a little here and there till today....

    She said she was coming back down for a few months and wanted "my help" fixing the house so she could get "better". I responded you know I gotcha but I want $$$. I anit doing that **** for free. 4 hours later she said shes bringing a friend down to fix the house if I could just pick them up?!


    I am all down for helping people and karma but am I being too nice here? WTF cant they get an uber or something? Should I ask if she is bringing a guy? She is 25. I would normally never do anything like this but I generally feel bad for her and worry about her.

    My friend suggested I have nothing to lose if I pick them up. I dont know who she is bringing and im not spending money. That even if it was a guy that doesnt mean hes staying the entire 3 months.

    I am just asking for misc help. This girl knows I still have feels for her. I did take her virginity.

    Am I a bitch if I ask her who is coming?
    1. You approached as friends. Took her virginity and basically have her as your side girl.
    2. She is going with a dude to "fix" her house.
    3. You're not in a relationship.

    If this were me I would say straight up what I felt and made her my gf and helped her with her house. She legit probs needs help fixing her house. Regardless whether or not they have something go on because the dude has game which probably won't happen there is still the fact to consider this dude is more reliable then you and is worthy of a relationship potential more so than you.
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  4. #4
    Registered User user3657's Avatar
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    user3657 is offline
    Originally Posted by skinnyfat88 View Post
    You are too worried about "being a bitch."

    You reached out to her as a friend yet refuse to take any time out of your day to help her.

    Fixing up a house is a lot of time and work so understandable if you don't want to but if you can fit it into your schedule a ride from the airport isn't a big deal.

    If you're not willing to help her a bit there was no point reaching out in the first place IMO.
    Originally Posted by EliasEmmanuel View Post
    1. You approached as friends. Took her virginity and basically have her as your side girl.
    2. She is going with a dude to "fix" her house.
    3. You're not in a relationship.

    If this were me I would say straight up what I felt and made her my gf and helped her with her house. She legit probs needs help fixing her house. Regardless whether or not they have something go on because the dude has game which probably won't happen there is still the fact to consider this dude is more reliable then you and is worthy of a relationship potential more so than you.
    Thank you guys! Sometimes we need outside looks on things. I called her to let her know I will pick them up and also offer to help fix the house, that I offered my help and I will help. Thats really what im more interested in. Being there for people. I would want help. We are humans.
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