Should I take the hint? First relationship post-divorce

[dolvioblue]

I know this sounds pathetic, but she just seemed different. I’ve been out with 8 different girls (smashed 2) since my separation and this was the first I thought it would turn into something real so maybe that’s why.

Plus if I can get to 6 weeks of talking to a chick, I’m thinking both parties are interested.

And idc about the sex, I lived a sexless marriage for the last 2 years of my life. I’ve had cops called on me, **** thrown at me, physically and emotionally abused from my ex and finally had the balls to end that ****.

Plus she isn’t waiting for marriage or anything like that, and her ex was a chubbier white dude. She just has majors walls up and she told me that.

The problem is this girl is a next door neighbor type of chick. 6/10 looks but that personality is sky high. She did things on dates that most people don’t do. We went duckpin bowling and I tipped the bartender but there was another dude who would put the pins back and she went over and tipped him cause she felt bad. Most people wouldn’t do that. She was also insanely polite to staff when we would go out and stuff.

Idk. I haven’t texted her and holding strong. Gonna go do cardio now

It sounds like you both are just kind of friends. I know you don’t want to hear this but any woman who hasn’t had sex by 28 years of age that isn’t religious likely has some deep issues around this area. It’s not walls, it’s psychological issues that have prevented true relationships for her.

Like everyone else has said you have ignored all the red flags and become her friend. She’s single not because she wants to be but likely nobody else is really interested in someone that offers nothing back.

The reason you are entertaining this is because you are out of a relationship that was bad and looking for the opposite of that.

If you are okay with no sex then so be it. But happy and healthy normal relationships incorporate sex into it. People that have walls, issues or anything else around this topic can be a disaster.

Do as you please OP but I’ve dated a couple hundred women and have met the type you are describing. I have absolutely zero interest in them because they offer nothing.

[TryingBB]

He's right. When someone wants to be with you, there are no excuses and they'll make time. The fact that she ignored your text for a week then responded with no mention of your plans this weekend says everything.

Where are the good ol days when a guy could atleast get an idea if the girl is into him or not by the depth of her cleavage / dressing? (Provided it’s not the first date - then it would just tell if sloot’s gonna sloot or not)

[SkinnyBeast24]

He's right. When someone wants to be with you, there are no excuses and they'll make time. The fact that she ignored your text for a week then responded with no mention of your plans this weekend says everything.

Yea, i just figured she was actually busy. she had the instagram stories to back it up and she works at a hospital with kids so prob cant be on phone much. but when if i like somebody, ill make it known. gotta get better at this dating thing. i can close a chick at club but finding a girl to go the distance, i **** up always.

this dude is 6'5'' 230 and lean, still gets put on the burner

how are the rest of us ever go to reproduce?

OP, if you're really into, call her. i've broken through multiple walls with a phone call. The text games aint for you, it's pretty obvious.

Possibly. She has major walls up. I think her past relationship destroyed her honestly. Dude pretty much took her on a walk after 5 years of dating to follow his music career and told her he was doing it alone even though she'd follow him.

I see all this as something to learn from, not that upset. Couple workouts to get my mind right and I'll be back out there.

[SkinnyBeast24]

It sounds like you both are just kind of friends. I know you don’t want to hear this but any woman who hasn’t had sex by 28 years of age that isn’t religious likely has some deep issues around this area. It’s not walls, it’s psychological issues that have prevented true relationships for her.

Like everyone else has said you have ignored all the red flags and become her friend. She’s single not babies she wants to be but likely nobody else is really interested in someone that offers nothing back.

The reason you are entertaining this is because you are out of a relationship that was bad and looking for the opposite of that.

If you are okay with no sex then so be it. But happy and healthy normal relationships incorporate sex into it. People that have walls, issues or anything else around this topic can be a disaster.

Do as you please OP but I’ve dated a couple hundred women and have met the type you are describing. I have absolutely zero interest in them because they offer nothing.

Repped when I can. That last 2 years of marriage did **** me up. It's 1 thing to be alone, but another to be alone while married to somebody. And she became a crazy dog person but that's a different story.

Such is life. My stock is only rising, but sharing my life with somebody is still the dream.

[Legz422]

Yea, i just figured she was actually busy. she had the instagram stories to back it up and she works at a hospital with kids so prob cant be on phone much. but when if i like somebody, ill make it known. gotta get better at this dating thing. i can close a chick at club but finding a girl to go the distance, i **** up always.



Possibly. She has major walls up. I think her past relationship destroyed her honestly. Dude pretty much took her on a walk after 5 years of dating to follow his music career and told her he was doing it alone even though she'd follow him.

I see all this as something to learn from, not that upset. Couple workouts to get my mind right and I'll be back out there.

Texting someone only takes a few seconds. No one is so busy that they can't text for an entire week, especially when you had plans for that following weekend. As has been said, listen to her actions. You're making excuses and trying to convince yourself she's interested in you. Sad to say, it doesn't sound like she is.

[SkinnyBeast24]

Texting someone only takes a few seconds. No one is so busy that they can't text for an entire week, especially when you had plans for that following weekend. As has been said, listen to her actions. You're making excuses and trying to convince yourself she's interested in you. Sad to say, it doesn't sound like she is.

I know, just don't want to admit. It's different. The first dates, she'd commit to a date and time (dates 3-5). The 7th we just met for coffee before hanging out with friends and she had a bad migraine the whole time. She wouldn't have left her friends early if that was the case. Since then, just texting b.s. She initiates sometimes, responds to my IG stories. And just snakes around the hanging out part.

I even said like 3 weeks ago "if im putting too much pressure to hang, let me know, and I'll back off cause i was pushing her to sleepover and then she bailed cause i dont think she's ready for that yet"
and she goes "no, no, nothing like that. i enjoy getting to know you and taking things slow. i'd let ya know"

women. i swear. ****ing me up. maybe she's not ready to let her guard down. moving on boys. will not text unless she explicitly sets something up then im gonna be ****ed up cause im gonna want to see her.

[Legz422]

I know, just don't want to admit. It's different. The first dates, she'd commit to a date and time (dates 3-5). The 7th we just met for coffee before hanging out with friends and she had a bad migraine the whole time. She wouldn't have left her friends early if that was the case. Since then, just texting b.s. She initiates sometimes, responds to my IG stories. And just snakes around the hanging out part.

I even said like 3 weeks ago "if im putting too much pressure to hang, let me know, and I'll back off cause i was pushing her to sleepover and then she bailed cause i dont think she's ready for that yet"
and she goes "no, no, nothing like that. i enjoy getting to know you and taking things slow. i'd let ya know"

women. i swear. ****ing me up. maybe she's not ready to let her guard down. moving on boys. will not text unless she explicitly sets something up then im gonna be ****ed up cause im gonna want to see her.

Your only other option is to call her and call her out on this BS. Tell her that you're not interested in a texting relationship and that you want to see her. If she won't make a plan and follow through, you have your answer. Then go NC.

[BlackScorpio91]

this dude is 6'5'' 230 and lean, still gets put on the burner

how are the rest of us ever go to reproduce?

OP, if you're really into, call her. i've broken through multiple walls with a phone call. The text games aint for you, it's pretty obvious.

It's his personality. Just because a guy is Chad on paper doesn't mean he can't fuk up.

You need to toned down the miscing brah.

[dolvioblue]

I know, just don't want to admit. It's different. The first dates, she'd commit to a date and time (dates 3-5). The 7th we just met for coffee before hanging out with friends and she had a bad migraine the whole time. She wouldn't have left her friends early if that was the case. Since then, just texting b.s. She initiates sometimes, responds to my IG stories. And just snakes around the hanging out part.

I even said like 3 weeks ago "if im putting too much pressure to hang, let me know, and I'll back off cause i was pushing her to sleepover and then she bailed cause i dont think she's ready for that yet"
and she goes "no, no, nothing like that. i enjoy getting to know you and taking things slow. i'd let ya know"

women. i swear. ****ing me up. maybe she's not ready to let her guard down. moving on boys. will not text unless she explicitly sets something up then im gonna be ****ed up cause im gonna want to see her.

Not ready for a sleepover? She’s pushing 30 and isn’t ready? Ready for what? My thoughts are she’s not interested my man and just being polite because you are very nice. I cannot stand “women” with issues like this. It’s like dating a teenager.

[Ken-O]

Your only other option is to call her and call her out on this BS. Tell her that you're not interested in a texting relationship and that you want to see her. If she won't make a plan and follow through, you have your answer. Then go NC.

Jesus, dont do this OP. You are just going to keep pushing her away. Or you know what? Do it, because i dont want you to end up with that crazy chick anyway, she has you so wrapped up around her finger that i feel that she could hurt you very bad.

You are way too emotionally invested with this chick, you have her on a pedestal and that is never good. Its time to take a step back.

On your particular situation, there is nothing you can do to make her want to be with you, but there are millions of things you can do to push her away. So the less you do, the better.

[SkinnyBeast24]

Not ready for a sleepover? She’s pushing 30 and isn’t ready? Ready for what? My thoughts are she’s not interested my man and just being polite because you are very nice. I. Annoy stand “women” with issues like this. It’s like dating a teenager.

Dont ask me...we were obviously drunk the first time so the slept-over just happened on its own just thinking it be your typical wedding 1 night deal but then we talked at breakfast the next day and were like...**** it, lets keep seeing each other...but ever since then, idk whats up with the sleepover.

Jesus, dont do this OP. You are just going to keep pushing her away. Or you know what? Do it, because i dont want you to end up with that crazy chick anyway, she has you so wrapped up around her finger that i feel that she could hurt you very bad.

You are way too emotionally invested with this chick, you have her on a pedestal and that is never good. Its time to take a step back.

On your particular situation, there is nothing you can do to make her want to be with you, but there are millions of things you can do to push her away. So the less you do, the better.

I am just not going to contact her unless she double texts me or calls me then we'll see what happens. If she texts me, i will post in this thread for the updates.

i just did a 75 minute prowler/assault bike workout, feeling good, feeling fresh, needed that

[SkinnyBeast24]

She double texted me.

“Hey hey! How’s your weekend going? What are you doing today”

Now what misc

Yes I want to see her....

[TryingBB]

She double texted me.

“Hey hey! How’s your weekend going? What are you doing today”

Now what misc

Yes I want to see her....

Yea she got the message and felt you were gonna ghost her for a few days like she did.

Keep your cool and answer her dude. let her know what’s going on. Remember you were too busy to text her. Don’t say this directly to her obviously

Be within her reach but respect YOUR OWN WISHES also and don’t jump to answer her every call and every text. Take your time responding back. Like if you’re busy at work, don’t stop work to get to her.

Edit: you do not try to bring up a plan to meet her. Let her come up with the idea and you ride along it if you’re interested

[SkinnyBeast24]

Yea she got the message and felt you were gonna ghost her for a few days like she did.

Keep your cool and answer her dude. let her know what’s going on. Remember you were too busy to text her. Don’t say this directly to her obviously

Be within her reach but respect YOUR OWN WISHES also and don’t jump to answer her every call and every text. Take your time responding back. Like if you’re busy at work, don’t stop work to get to her.

Edit: you do not try to bring up a plan to meet her. Let her come up with the idea and you ride along it if you’re interested

Major Updates

I only responded to what I did this weekend. Left it close-ended, but gave her something to work with.

She responded and then asked me if I was free today or Tuesday.

I told her tonight is great. And then I asked if she had anything in mind? So sort of throwing the ball back in her court.

She came up with the plans, and I'm seeing her today and already going back to her place after for take-out/movie.

Now, I just need to remember to never bring up the status of our relationship unless she does...but at least she wants to see me and plans are CONCRETE.

here we go boys, and after today, i just need to play it cooler.......ill just have to keep posting updates ITT until i can seal the deal with this chick (yes i like her that much) or we end things mutually...time will tell

[DustinTheHuss]

If she's a virgin at that age, she may have been sexually assaulted, and thus reluctant to get close to you. Someone like that could take a lot of time and effort.

[Legz422]

Major Updates

I only responded to what I did this weekend. Left it close-ended, but gave her something to work with.

She responded and then asked me if I was free today or Tuesday.

I told her tonight is great. And then I asked if she had anything in mind? So sort of throwing the ball back in her court.

She came up with the plans, and I'm seeing her today and already going back to her place after for take-out/movie.

Now, I just need to remember to never bring up the status of our relationship unless she does...but at least she wants to see me and plans are CONCRETE.

here we go boys, and after today, i just need to play it cooler.......ill just have to keep posting updates ITT until i can seal the deal with this chick (yes i like her that much) or we end things mutually...time will tell

Well I'm glad she made the plans and I hope she follows through. Honestly though, she sounds like more trouble than she's worth with her sexual issues. I seriously doubt they'll get better and then you'll be in another sexless relationship. How is that worth it for a young guy?

[TryingBB]

Major Updates

I only responded to what I did this weekend. Left it close-ended, but gave her something to work with.

She responded and then asked me if I was free today or Tuesday.

I told her tonight is great. And then I asked if she had anything in mind? So sort of throwing the ball back in her court.

She came up with the plans, and I'm seeing her today and already going back to her place after for take-out/movie.

Now, I just need to remember to never bring up the status of our relationship unless she does...but at least she wants to see me and plans are CONCRETE.

here we go boys, and after today, i just need to play it cooler.......ill just have to keep posting updates ITT until i can seal the deal with this chick (yes i like her that much) or we end things mutually...time will tell

Well that’s good man. Keep your guard up and enjoy the “friendship” while it lasts. I appreciate the fact that you’re into her but she’s got obvious issues.

So what I’d do is, have fun while with her but at the same time be looking elsewhere. Have fun with your friends and meet other people. Not necessarily you should be banging other people lol just get to know them. Unless of course you and this chick if yours have an agreement to stay exclusive - and if you guys have such an agreement, then your situation is kinda fuked Cuz of her issues.

Don’t get too emotionally invested boy - keep your guard up. Life’s too short to keep falling over and over again

[SkinnyBeast24]

Well I'm glad she made the plans and I hope she follows through. Honestly though, she sounds like more trouble than she's worth with her sexual issues. I seriously doubt they'll get better and then you'll be in another sexless relationship. How is that worth it for a young guy?

Maybe I'm messed up from my marriage still, but just going to bed with somebody that wants to be with me sounds way better than sex right now. So I don't mind waiting a few months for that. Sex is awesome, but I much prefer it with somebody I care about. I get night sweats some times just thinking of the random thots I smashed and checked their social media months later making sure they weren't pregnant (i did raw dog 1...pulled out, but still, so stupid of me).

2 weeks ago, I had the easiest slay of my life at the palm of my hands, she was so aggressive, but knew I was talking to the chick I currently am. Don't really regret not smashing cause I like this chick. There is just something about her.

[SkinnyBeast24]

Well that’s good man. Keep your guard up and enjoy the “friendship” while it lasts. I appreciate the fact that you’re into her but she’s got obvious issues.

So what I’d do is, have fun while with her but at the same time be looking elsewhere. Have fun with your friends and meet other people. Not necessarily you should be banging other people lol just get to know them. Unless of course you and this chick if yours have an agreement to stay exclusive - and if you guys have such an agreement, then your situation is kinda fuked Cuz of her issues.

Don’t get too emotionally invested boy - keep your guard up. Life’s too short to keep falling over and over again

I am going into the next phase of seeing this girl with the idea that it won't last...i'll continue to talk to other chicks if somebody catches my attention, and check myself on the emotional investment. reps to all itt when off r/c

[Legz422]

Maybe I'm messed up from my marriage still, but just going to bed with somebody that wants to be with me sounds way better than sex right now. So I don't mind waiting a few months for that. Sex is awesome, but I much prefer it with somebody I care about. I get night sweats some times just thinking of the random thots I smashed and checked their social media months later making sure they weren't pregnant (i did raw dog 1...pulled out, but still, so stupid of me).

2 weeks ago, I had the easiest slay of my life at the palm of my hands, she was so aggressive, but knew I was talking to the chick I currently am. Don't really regret not smashing cause I like this chick. There is just something about her.

Oh, I'm not saying that you should just be interested in jumping right into sex with her or go out smashing randoms. Just that it sounds like she has major issues if she was with someone for 5 years and never had sex with them. Are you really willing to wait years? And then what if you're not sexually compatible? You've wasted years of your life when you could have been with someone who didn't have issues.

[Nacured]

Actually read whole thread...OP just needs to cool down, read your last post above^, keep her as the back burner option honestly. No one cares if she double texted you! You're 29 out of a 5 year marriage, so you were around my age when you married first time...broski! Who the fook would want to marry in their 20s in 2019! That kinda shows you jump at anyone who gives you the slightest attention.

Slow it down with this uh err..."virgin"...if she sucks you off despite only knowing you a short time she is one of those "I'm a good girl never had sex, but have been slammed by the whole basketball team after they lost the state tournament to cheer them up...oh but they only did anal so it doesn't count" types. , she'll let some guy enter her without a doubt (and he will be better looking than you, hence why she only doesn't want you to take her..."v card"".

Talk to higher quality girls (like you said you will above).
Good luck man!

If you want to share (you don't have to if you don't want to)...why did you get married in your mid 20s? First girl that touched your ding-a-ling-a-ling you had to buy her a diamond?

[Nacured]

Just that it sounds like she has major issues if she was with someone for 5 years and never had sex with them. Are you really willing to wait years?

Sorta confused now..I read this thread as OP was married for 5 years and got divorced, then started smashing a couple randoms before meeting the girl that this thread is about (the girl being a virgin)...

I assume you read this (and you may be correct) as OP meeting a girl (who is sexually inexperienced/virgin) coming out of a 5 year relationship?

[Legz422]

Sorta confused now..I read this thread as OP was married for 5 years and got divorced, then started smashing a couple randoms before meeting the girl that this thread is about (the girl being a virgin)...

I assume you read this (and you may be correct) as OP meeting a girl (who is sexually inexperienced/virgin) coming out of a 5 year relationship?

See below:

Snip:
from 2 years ago from a relationship that was for 5 years.

[Nacured]

See below:

Uh, re-read and understand now.

If she was with him for 5 years she let him hit it....OP surely can't be that stupid (this is in addition to getting packed out by the basketball, lacrosse and water polo squad....hmm possibly the squash team as well).

[Caldef]

Dudeeeeeeeee

What the actual fuk????

Look I'm a female, I gonna tell you this **** has MAJOR red flags all over it, this woman is going to screw ypu over big time.

She says she was with someone for five years and never had sex?????

Either she's bull****ting you (and thinks you're an absolute ****ing idiot)

Or

Her ex was legit homosexual (but if that was the case, she would've got so excited after ypu went down on her that she would've literally begged you to **** her)

Or

She's the type of woman who strung some poor guy along for five whole years and never let him in. Think about it. If she was with her ex for five years and never had sex, she could be with YOU for five years and never have sex, too...... God, what kind of absolute bitch would do that to a man????

And then there's the lack of texting back. If she has time to view your Snapchat stories she has time to send a text, stop bull****ting yourself.

Mate she's probably a lesbian. And no you're not going to turn her.

Cut your losses and find a woman who's into you.

[skinnyfat88]

So you went on a date last night?

How was it?

[SkinnyBeast24]

So you went on a date last night?

How was it?

updates
Solid as ****. Got there around 5pm. The christmas thing she had planned was cancelled so I basically came into her apartment and we made out for like 30 minutes then we went and got sushi. Talked for a good 90 minutes and back to her place. Helped her do some decorating for her tree/living room and then we hooked up again in her room. She went down on me which was amazing. Not pushing the sex, it's not a big deal to me right now.

and the best part was it got to around 10pm, and she asked me what I wanted to do cause it was getting late. Told her I want to stay here and she was down. So got the sleepover finally.

Also said, if this keeps going, I'm gonna get pretty emotionally invested so play ball with me or let's not do this. She wants to play ball so we'll see how the next few weeks play out.

The no-contact until she hit me up again was pretty crucial I think boys. Good play.

[SkinnyBeast24]

If you want to share (you don't have to if you don't want to)...why did you get married in your mid 20s? First girl that touched your ding-a-ling-a-ling you had to buy her a diamond?

I'm an open book brother.

Hooked up with a few girls before my ex-wife, never had sex, didn't want to bang somebody I didn't really care about. I had sex before marriage but it was with my ex-wife.

Got married so young cause I dated her for 3 years, and she was a non-citizen (from peru)...no she didn't use me...trust me...nobody tries to go as long as we did if they dont care about each other. was gonna lose her student visa, so at 23, i was like **** it, ill never regret it, but yes it was probably a dumb move. whatever, i learned alot.

went 5 1/2 years, and we just had a lot of issues that we could never get over, nobody cheated or anything, just fights, white lies, and **** like that...we grew apart too. divorce is final on 12/19, been separated since July.

there is your short cliff notes

[TryingBB]

updates
Solid as ****. Got there around 5pm. The christmas thing she had planned was cancelled so I basically came into her apartment and we made out for like 30 minutes then we went and got sushi. Talked for a good 90 minutes and back to her place. Helped her do some decorating for her tree/living room and then we hooked up again in her room. She went down on me which was amazing. Not pushing the sex, it's not a big deal to me right now.

and the best part was it got to around 10pm, and she asked me what I wanted to do cause it was getting late. Told her I want to stay here and she was down. So got the sleepover finally.

Also said, if this keeps going, I'm gonna get pretty emotionally invested so play ball with me or let's not do this. She wants to play ball so we'll see how the next few weeks play out.

The no-contact until she hit me up again was pretty crucial I think boys. Good play.

Sounds like things are moving along for you. Happy for ya!! Just keep your walls up a bit bro ...take it slow. If I get the gist of how you are, its easier said than done...

[SkinnyBeast24]

Sounds like things are moving along for you. Happy for ya!! Just keep your walls up a bit bro ...take it slow. If I get the gist of how you are, its easier said than done...

For sure, and I got more context why she's been poor at the communication past week. She's had a rough stretch with some personal family losses and stuff, so I get it. She had a friend running a marathon yesterday who literally collapsed and had to go to the hospital on like mile 20 so supported her best I could.

But I'll keep my guard up...as hard as that is for me...

If things go smooth, could be official by the new year. We'll see.