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    Registered User fatoldtiredugly's Avatar
    Join Date: Oct 2019
    Age: 49
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    Unhappy Why won't the Doc even let me walk?

    You know sometimes I think Doctors just do things because they want to. Don't get me wrong I am a retired nurse with most my experience in trauma, so I have dealt with quite a few doc's in the 30 years I was in para medicine and nursing. Question will be at the end.

    I am 55, well I will be in two months. I am or was almost 400 pounds. What is most wrong with that? I lifted my whole life till about age 45. I lifted for health, controlled fighting, military, school. Then I lifted for power lifting and bodybuilding. So I know how to take care of myself. I fear it may be too late now. I was in a major depressive disorder for over five years. I refused to take zombie meds for it. Couple my Major Depressive disorder with PTSD and Borderline Personality and you get a great mix of stupidity.

    I am fat, I am ugly, I don't love myself. I never really have loved myself and cannot believe I even care now to lose this weight. I am going to though. I have no idea what spurred me on since I have no one to help try to motivate me or anything else. I just woke up and though another freaking day sitting behind a computer. I jumped on Youtube and found motivation finally. I am one that believes you cannot motivate anyone. You can give them a reason to be motivated but they have to motivate themselves.

    I am a retired nurse and disabled Vet. My health problems are a result of my lifestyle. I honestly think I deserve to be the way I am. It's my own fault and I think we make our own hell to live in.

    I have Congestive Heart Failure (CHF), more psychological diagnoses than spoken about already. I am disabled military for busting my feet up too many times jumping. See you can get in with flat feet when I went in but some people with flat feet just don't do well pounding them all day. I have dozens upon dozens of bone spurs. My tendons and ligaments are not behind the ankle bones anymore they are in front, they have disattached (unknown word). I have acute tendonitus in both ankles that is chronic. I have three torn meniscus, two in the right, one partial and one in the left. I have very little cartilage in the knees. I have multiple hearneiated discs from C1-C2 all the way to L5-S1 . I have severe carpal tunnel in the right wrist and moderate in the left from using a walking cane and my weight. I have bilateral upper and lower radiculopathy. I could even keep going.

    I mean seriously when a new Ortho see's me they think and ask I how walk in there office. I have to do it. My borderline personality keeps people away and I don't want to go to a nursing home. I am afraid of pain meds, seeing how much were abused in my career and I just grin and bear it till I can bury my head in a pillow when I get home.

    I started on my diet 36 days ago. I did the oMad diet, which I loved when lifting before. I lost 25 pounds in about 20 or so days, although I went for 30 days but plateaued for some reason. On day 31 I had a full cheat day. I was going to have a full cheat day on Day 32 as well but gained over 5 pounds from that one cheat day. I decided to do a three day fast on only no calorie drinks. OMG that was murder. I mean I really don't get hungry on the oMad diet, I did on the fast though. The worst part was I wanted to clean myself out so I kept taking my miralax the first two days. Man did my booty hole hurt. I lost 15 pounds on that.

    I just came off that yesterday. I thought when I ate that big oMad meal yesterday I would gain five pounds today. I actually lost another pound this morning. I cramped all night though from being dehydrated so I guess that might be why. I know it's probably going up some tomorrow.

    So a total of 36 pounds in 36 days. I ask the doctor the other day, my cardio if I can exercise and what I can do. He actually said I couldn't do anything after looking at my nuclear medicine scan and echo lol. He said my heart walls were too heart. My left ventricular hypertrophy is just too bad and my heart just doesn't pump enough. He actually wants me to wait till I lose over a 100 pounds to re-evaluate me lol.

    Okay so this was an introduction and a question. I don't think it would hurt to do a treadmill at 3 miles an hour. I mean it would take me two hours to do 30 minutes with breaks, but it's not like I have anything else to do. Would you do it? Have you heard of a doctor telling a patient not to exercise?

    I never write in forums. Hell I don't you people. I don't even like myself. Maybe I am here for writing, I do youtube too just for myself. I get views but I don't monetize or anything cause I just don't care if people watch. It's for me and makes me feel accountable. It makes me feel better to judge myself and yell at myself.

    Anyways thanks.
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