Reply
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 LastLast
Results 31 to 60 of 112

Thread: Fresh start.

  1. #31
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Morning workout and 20 miles on the bike at lunchtime. Already at 100g of protein, so looking good to hit at least 1.2g/kg, if not closer to 1.4g/kg.

    Certainly feeling less wobbly every day, and my strength seems to be at the same level as it has been for the first 3 months of 2020.

    18 days binge free and feeling awesome.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  2. #32
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    3 weeks clean. It's not been as tough a slog as expected, but it's still a considerable achievement at this point.

    Taking it day by day, and looking towards next weekend when I'll be at a month clean.

    Feeling awesome, and a consistent 100-400 calories below maintenance. Sticking to this until late June, at which point I hope I'll have mended my relationship with food and will be in a position to eat for muscle development.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  3. #33
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    40 mile bike ride yesterday. Workout this morning (Week 2, Day 1) and trying to hit the numbers for my protein intake.

    Not much else to report - i'm not really too fussed by the numbers i'm pushing right now, just sticking to a routine and eating right.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  4. #34
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Workout completed this morning. 31 miles on the bike at lunch, which burnt somewhere between 900 and 1200 calories.

    Feel really pudgy though, yet I haven't been over my calorie count in weeks. Creatine retention? Salt intake up two days ago? Overthinking it for sure.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  5. #35
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    23 miles on my bike today, plus continuing my workout routine. Things are certainly going to plan from a binge eating point of view - when I wake up tomorrow I will be 28 days, 4 weeks clean.

    Monday 13th will be one calendar month binge free, so that's my next key date.

    Future key dates:
    22nd April as I will be 40 days clean.
    May 2nd when it's 50 days.
    May 13th when it's two calendar months.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  6. #36
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    8 mile walk today, plus my normal strength workout.

    Workout and bike ride tomorrow, then it's relaxation on Sunday thankfully. Starting to feel the weeks efforts catching up, but nothing that a stretch and day off won't fix.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  7. #37
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Workout done, 33 mile bike ride done, eaten reasonably well today.

    I've managed my 4 weeks, and it's nearly 1 month clean time. Just 36 hours to go.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  8. #38
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    One month of clean eating - binge free for the longest period of time in possibly years.

    Did my workout this morning, and then followed up with a 22.5 mile bike ride on the same route I'm riding every 2-3 days. Today was a personal best at 18.7mph average.

    I'm looking to manage 19mph average by the middle of July, which could coincide with a potential resumption of TT riding. If it doesn't start then it's still not wasted - I'll just take that cardio fitness into my swimming events.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  9. #39
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Workout completed, bike ride to come later.

    I can visibly see the changes of weight loss in my face and around my upper body. Still holding plenty around my waist as always, however I'm following the plan and confident that I'll be in the right place in 12 weeks.

    I've always wanted to get to sub-10% body fat, but given that my LBM is only 160lbs, I don't have enough to go that low (would be pretty much 178lbs total)

    I don't want to be over 200lbs - ideally I would be 190lbs and 170lbs LBM.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  10. #40
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Same again. Workout completed this morning, and I have a full on bike session planned this afternoon - roughly 75 minutes on the bike, with a 20 minute warm-up, 30 minute all-out, 25 minute cool down. I can't wait for it to be honest!

    On for around 120/140g of protein today, but will try and get up to 160g if possible.

    34 days clean. 50 days caffeine free. Smashing it right now, and feeling pretty amazing.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  11. #41
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    36 days clean of binge eating.
    Down 6.8kg since that point.
    3 weeks into six week shortcut to shred.
    Start week 4 on Monday.

    Going to finish painting my home gym today so it can air out tomorrow during rest day. Perfect timing during lockdown and a rainy day.

    I really feel like life is on track, and I can complete another 6 week cut and two 6 week bulks before I become a father - I will be so much stronger, fitter, leaner and healthier by the time my first born arrives!
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  12. #42
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Down 7.5kg in the last 7 weeks, and 3.7kg in the past three weeks.

    Current plan is to complete this cut phase, and then bulk/cut/bulk for 6 weeks each across the following 18 weeks. That'll pretty much take me my wife's due date, at which point I have no idea what my routine will look like.

    Cut Phase #1

    30/3, Week 1: 96.8kg
    6/4, Week 2: 96kg
    13/4, Week 3: 94.8kg
    20/4, Week 4: 93.1kg
    27/4, Week 5:
    4/5, Week 6:

    Results to date:

    Total weight: 93.1kg
    Weight loss: -3.7kg
    Bf% Loss: 1.3%
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  13. #43
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    I've eaten above calorie count for the last two days, by say 250-400 or so. Somehow I have gone up by 1.4kg on the scales in 2 days.

    Really got me feeling down, and I need to refocus on hitting the numbers. Have to get back on it.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  14. #44
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Down 0.5kg on yesterday's figure, so reduced the 1.4kg gain I saw yesterday to a 0.9kg gain Vs my Sunday weigh in.

    I've done my workout for the day, and have a 20mile bike ride to come later.

    Planning to finish my Easter chocolate today as I'll be under calorie count, and then I'm going to be as strict as possible for the next two weeks - I want to finish this 6 week cut strong and hopefully in the 91-92kg range.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  15. #45
    Registered User isatonmynuts's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 49
    Rep Power: 0
    isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0)
    isatonmynuts is offline
    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    I've eaten above calorie count for the last two days, by say 250-400 or so. Somehow I have gone up by 1.4kg on the scales in 2 days.

    Really got me feeling down, and I need to refocus on hitting the numbers. Have to get back on it.
    I think 1.4 kg could be attributable to differences in water weight and increase in muscle mass though? What kind of scale are you using?

    From my perspective, you're absolutely crushing it man. I've been barely getting in 1 mile on my bike, so your rides are very like bonkers to me.

    Wondering, what do you consider binge eating? I don't really like to acknowledge that I have an eating disorder, but seeing you talking about it makes me a little more comfortable saying so. I have been trying to change recently too and it's really hard not to binge. The thing that disappoints me is that I don't even do it because I feel hungry, it's more like I just want the pleasure of eating copious amounts of food.

    Last night I scarfed down an entire medium sized pizza to myself; I kept telling myself the whole time, "Save some of this for tomorrow, you can split it over two days and still come in under your calorie limit." (I'm aiming for 1k or less a day). I wasn't even really that hungry, but it's like my eyes saw half the pizza left and my stomach said, "I've still got room." Then by the time I had two slices left I felt stuffed and thought, "Well that's hardly worth saving, should just finish it." Ended up making me feel like **** both physically and mentally, but it was still under my basal calorie limit (2700 kcal) of the day so I tried to ameliorate myself and say, "Well at least I'll still technically have kept my output over my input," but I think what's more important to me is that I reached that point where I thought, "Okay, I'm not hungry, I don't need to eat anymore," and just blew right past it, "Okay I'm full, stop," and blew past that to, "Okay now i feel like crap because I stuffed a whole pizza in me."
    Reply With Quote

  16. #46
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Similar feelings to what you've described.

    I didn't eat because of hunger - I ate because I had this craving and desire to just eat and eat. It would totally overthrow everything in my head, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything until I had got that fix.

    A binge for me would be (and this is average, not a particularly bad day) 1500 calories in granola bars, 1500 calories in cookies, 2000 calories in pizza and 3500 calories in cheesecake - a 6 portion cheesecake would go all in one go.

    Worst of all, I would buy all of this stuff, then secretly eat it alone, stuffing it in as quickly as possible because I would only be alone for 2 hours, and then you don't even enjoy eating it because you have to rush, and you are full, then your mind starts saying you're disgusting, but you've bought it all now so you might as well eat it.

    Then I'd repeat all of that again the next day.

    I gained 30kg in 3 years because of it.

    Talking is definitely an answer, and so is accountability. As soon as my wife found out and I had to directly lie to her face if she asked, I was on the right track.

    43 days clean.
    93kg (down 7.6kg)
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  17. #47
    Registered User isatonmynuts's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 49
    Rep Power: 0
    isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0)
    isatonmynuts is offline
    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    Similar feelings to what you've described.

    I didn't eat because of hunger - I ate because I had this craving and desire to just eat and eat. It would totally overthrow everything in my head, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything until I had got that fix.

    A binge for me would be (and this is average, not a particularly bad day) 1500 calories in granola bars, 1500 calories in cookies, 2000 calories in pizza and 3500 calories in cheesecake - a 6 portion cheesecake would go all in one go.

    Worst of all, I would buy all of this stuff, then secretly eat it alone, stuffing it in as quickly as possible because I would only be alone for 2 hours, and then you don't even enjoy eating it because you have to rush, and you are full, then your mind starts saying you're disgusting, but you've bought it all now so you might as well eat it.

    Then I'd repeat all of that again the next day.

    I gained 30kg in 3 years because of it.

    Talking is definitely an answer, and so is accountability. As soon as my wife found out and I had to directly lie to her face if she asked, I was on the right track.

    43 days clean.
    93kg (down 7.6kg)
    I think for me personally it's motivated a lot by depression. I end up getting down and feeling very literally suicidal and like I can't get any joy out of life, and think, "Well at least I can enjoy this tasty food," and it just kind of snowballs from there. I would often end up binging similar amounts and then end up making myself sick. I'd throw up the next morning and then basically be unable to stop for a week straight. The doctors thought I had something called cyclical vomiting syndrome. It would land me in the hospital because I'd be so dehydrated that my heart rate would sky rocket up towards 200 BPM, and the last time they thought I might have a stroke because I went into AFiB and they couldn't get my heart rhythm back to normal, and I'd feel awful about that, and basically repeat the whole thing sometime soon. That was pretty much when I realized that eating was causing it, and started avoiding binge eating thinking, "Okay, well do I want to make myself sick again?" Then thanks to the suicidal thoughts... Sometimes the answer was yes. In fact, a lot of my over-eating has always been spurred on by a mental soundtrack that says, "Just eat until you have a heart attack."

    So I haven't really ate until I started throwing up like that again for a year, but I still end up being able to put away 3-4k calories a day so I've got a ways to go before it's really healthy. I have a lot of the same, "Well I bought it so I might as well eat it," kind of thinking in the idea that if I go in for a penny, I think, "Well I might as well go in for the pound." So if I eat a whole bag of chips and a whole pizza, I look at a cheesecake and think, "Well I already ****ed up so I might as well eat that too."

    I gained roughly 25 kg in a single year just because I had a girlfriend move in with me who was... I mean I don't want to avoid personal responsibility, but "enabling" I guess. It became like activity for the both of us to binge eat together, almost like a couple of addicts doing their drug of choice together. I had been slowly getting the weight off before that, but after she moved in I kind of just threw all restraint to the wind. After she moved out is when I started getting my eating back under control and stopped binging until I was sick, but I swung in the other direction and basically starved myself for a few months and the rebound from that was pretty bad. I lost 20 kg in 3 months, and then put them all back on and then some in the 3 after that.

    Congrats on 43 days and on the weight loss. Thanks for letting me talk about all this, I don't mean to derail your thread.
    Reply With Quote

  18. #48
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    No problem - I'm not precious over this thread, and I'm happy to talk about it. Secrecy is what enables a lot of eating disorders, and it's often caused by a lack of understanding, particularly for men as eating disorder in MSM means girls and anorexia.

    Talk, talk, talk some more. It helps.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  19. #49
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    203.7lbs today, which is 18 pounds down.

    I've got 2 weeks left of my current 6 week program, and really want to get to sub 200lbs, but given the weather outside I don't think I'll get the cardio in the bank.

    We'll see what happens.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  20. #50
    Registered User isatonmynuts's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 49
    Rep Power: 0
    isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0)
    isatonmynuts is offline
    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    No problem - I'm not precious over this thread, and I'm happy to talk about it. Secrecy is what enables a lot of eating disorders, and it's often caused by a lack of understanding, particularly for men as eating disorder in MSM means girls and anorexia.

    Talk, talk, talk some more. It helps.
    Yeah I know what you mean, there's not that much talk about eating disorders outside anorexia and like you said, even that seems to be thought of more as a women's issue. Like I said though, I thought it was good that you mentioned it, and I think it helped me feel like I could acknowledge it, and I hope maybe someone seeing me acknowledging it will make it easier for them, etc. You set a good example.

    Good work on the progress so far! That sucks about the weather. Have you thought about maybe getting one of those lock-ups you can set your rear-wheel in so you can ride stationary? I have a friend who has one of those in his home gym. No idea if they're very expensive or not, but it seems like a good alternative to have when the weather doesn't play nice.
    Reply With Quote

  21. #51
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    I've got one, and I may use it this week, but it's mentally draining to do the type of ride I would normally do outdoors.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  22. #52
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Weather was reasonable and I had 90 minutes between finishing my workout and starting work for the day so did a 65 minute ride, averaging 19mph. Felt amazing.

    I fluctuated really badly in the first 2 months of this year as I didn't have my eating disorder under control, and my recorded bodyspace high was January 22nd. I know that I actually hit 222lbs at one point in February. It's amazing how things have changed since that point.

    January 22nd - 217lbs w/ 158.8 LBM, 26.8% bf
    February - recorded at 222lbs
    April 29th - 203lbs w/ 158.9lbs LBM, 22% bf.

    Still aiming to reduce to around 85kg/187lbs by the end of June before going on a bulk for 6 weeks, then do a cut until my baby arrives (approx 6 weeks)

    Is 10% bodyfat at 180lbs and 162lbs LBM looking realistic?
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  23. #53
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Happy 48 days clean. So close to the 50 days! Just two weeks shy of the two calendar month point as well.

    Weighed in today at 92.1kg / 203/lbs.

    First target was 90.7kg /199.9lbs. Almost there, and then onto target two of 85kg / 187lbs!

    8.5kg down, 7.1kg to go, and seven and a half weeks to achieve it. Things are looking good!
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  24. #54
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Cricked neck ruined yesterdays workout after about 10 minutes, and I was bedbound for the rest of the day as I simply couldn't hold up my head. Never known a neck crick as bad as yesterday was.

    I've woken up today feeling much better, but still not lifting ready. I figure it's better to take today off and get rid of the last niggling pain rather than fight through it and potentially drag the ill effects out for a few extra days.

    I'm doing 10,000 steps a day for the whole of May as a challenge to keep myself moving and keep myself motivated beyond my cycling and lifting. I'm also doing a daily plank progression build across the month, which is currently 90 seconds and I would like to think could be at least doubled by the end of May.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  25. #55
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    10,000 steps completed for the day. Turned my walk into a little jog/walk as well.

    Hoping my neck is back to normal tomorrow and I can do my weights session as per the plan. I'll be doing a 25 mile TT ride in the afternoon in addition to my walking and weights.

    Really going to push on for the next 7 weeks of cutting, as I look to hit the 86kg mark.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  26. #56
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Weighed in at 91.1kg / 200.8lbs this morning.

    I know that'll be a little down as I hammered my TT yesterday so probably closer to 91.5kg in reality, but to be within touching distance of my sub-200lbs goal (which was goal number one) feels great.

    I'm 9.6kg down, due to hit 10kg down in the next week, plus sub 200lbs... 7 weeks of cut left and on track for my cut goal of 85kg!
    Last edited by CBRIT89; 05-05-2020 at 11:20 PM.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  27. #57
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Just did a 5km run, which was 30 minutes. I ran the first 3km, and then ran walked the last 2km.

    No idea what'll happen tomorrow in terms of how my legs feel, but if I am free of injury recurrence then I'll attempt to add a few additional runs into my training plan.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  28. #58
    Registered User isatonmynuts's Avatar
    Join Date: Apr 2020
    Age: 50
    Posts: 49
    Rep Power: 0
    isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0) isatonmynuts has no reputation, good or bad yet. (0)
    isatonmynuts is offline
    Originally Posted by CBRIT89 View Post
    Happy 48 days clean. So close to the 50 days! Just two weeks shy of the two calendar month point as well.

    Weighed in today at 92.1kg / 203/lbs.

    First target was 90.7kg /199.9lbs. Almost there, and then onto target two of 85kg / 187lbs!

    8.5kg down, 7.1kg to go, and seven and a half weeks to achieve it. Things are looking good!
    Good job on 50 days!

    Man that's a lot of running you've got going on lately.
    Reply With Quote

  29. #59
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    Cheers, looking forward to the 2 month point in just over a week. Then it'll be 3 months, then 100 days, then 4 months, then 6 months, then 1 year, and by that point I will hopefully not even think about it.

    Staying active is key to the next 7 weeks of cut. I'll be really disappointed if I don't hit my 85kg target having lost 10kg in the first 8 weeks - I can surely lose 6 in the following 7 weeks!
    Last edited by CBRIT89; 05-05-2020 at 11:20 PM.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

  30. #60
    Ex-Skinny Cyclist CBRIT89's Avatar
    Join Date: Nov 2018
    Posts: 416
    Rep Power: 3137
    CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500) CBRIT89 is a glorious beacon of knowledge. (+2500)
    CBRIT89 is online now
    OFFICIALLY 10KG DOWN SINCE STARTING MY CUT!

    Weighed in this morning at 90.6kg, which means I have gone sub-200lbs for the first time in 6 months.

    5.6kg to go over the next 6.5 weeks, then bulk time.
    A.L.L. Leukemia 2009-2012
    Brain haemorrhage 2009
    Hip replacements 2010 & 2011
    Eating Disorder 2016-2020
    Reply With Quote

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts