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  1. #1
    Registered User DropTheBS's Avatar
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    Corporate jargon that pisses you off

    Newest one: Using "WE" as a passive aggressive way to suggest that "YOU" do something.

    "Are we setting that meeting today?"
    "Are we sending that out later?"
    "Are we fcking ourselves this afternoon for lunch?"

    Let's hear 'em, office brahs...
    Advocate for the Extinction of Starfish as a Species

    You should move to a small town, where the rule of law still exists. You will not survive here. You are not a wolf, and this is a land of wolves now.
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  2. #2
    Registered User DanteEdmond's Avatar
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    Please advise?
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  3. #3
    Registered User DropTheBS's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DanteEdmond View Post
    Please advise?
    "Please Advise" is the ultimate buck pass.

    Translation: "I am asking you to review this so that it is now your responsibility to follow-up and do whatever is needed to get this off my plate."
    Advocate for the Extinction of Starfish as a Species

    You should move to a small town, where the rule of law still exists. You will not survive here. You are not a wolf, and this is a land of wolves now.
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  4. #4
    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    Lately it's "MVP" or minimal viable product. Um no, not every tech product should be taken in if it fits MVP.
    Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
    Thus unlamented let me die;
    Steal from the world, and not a stone
    Tell where I lie.

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  5. #5
    Registered User mchabs's Avatar
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    "livin' the dream"

    code for wanting to jump off a cliff

    "did you get my email?"

    yes i got your fukking email, no i did not read it, i have more important **** going on
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  6. #6
    Registered User redraider86's Avatar
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    Noun-ing verbs or verbing nouns.

    "We're going to adequately resource this project"

    "That's a significant spend"

    "We're going to hold off on actioning on this"

    Also, "bio break." I hear this more and more and it's fuking weird. Humans have needs, and sometimes we need to use the bathroom, and it's okay to say that.
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  7. #7
    Registered User Madvillainy's Avatar
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    people that go overboard with shortening things

    "going forward" is passive aggressive as fuk
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  8. #8
    Registered User whtcoupe's Avatar
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    Lean processes
    Bench - 375
    Squat- 315x5
    Dead 405
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  9. #9
    Methodological Naturalism tk217's Avatar
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    We is a common way to not make people "bitch" too much.

    "You're accusing me whaaaaaa - HR."

    I tend to refer to the department name rather than the person(s) I am talking about.

    "Operations on Job 22201 failed to complete a timely spec analysis in period 3 of quarter one now the billings department is unable to ascertain milestones for subcontractors A1 through D3. The long form will now be necessary for procurement processes on all lead level 3-5 scope processes."
      
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  10. #10
    Registered User Murph0408's Avatar
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    i say hi, they say hi how are you? as we pass by in the hallway

    let's not do the questions. just hello and keep rolling. please
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  11. #11
    Registered User DropTheBS's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Lately it's "MVP" or minimal viable product. Um no, not every tech product should be taken in if it fits MVP.
    Not in tech, unaware. But using MVP as the antonym to something that sounds like bare minimum acceptable standard sounds right up the alley of corporate assfckery.

    Originally Posted by mchabs View Post
    "livin' the dream"

    code for wanting to jump off a cliff
    Just another day in paradise, bro.
    Advocate for the Extinction of Starfish as a Species

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  12. #12
    Is this the real life? Budjola's Avatar
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    i hope this email finds you well


    BRB FKN BLOOD BOIL when i read that chit
    I always tell the truth, even when I lie.
    Podcast 24/7 crew
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  13. #13
    Registered User DropTheBS's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    Noun-ing verbs or verbing nouns.

    "We're going to adequately resource this project"

    "That's a significant spend"

    "We're going to hold off on actioning on this"
    I'm guilty of saying this one. I've said "Make the ask" when I mean "Request it." Like every environment, there's a language to speak, and some are more ridiculous than others.
    Advocate for the Extinction of Starfish as a Species

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  14. #14
    Registered User DropTheBS's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Madvillainy View Post
    people that go overboard with shortening things

    "going forward" is passive aggressive as fuk
    The passive aggressiveness is what triggers me. No one has the balls to say what they want anymore due to tighter HR restrictions and the constant threat of liability so we had to invent language to talk around it.
    Advocate for the Extinction of Starfish as a Species

    You should move to a small town, where the rule of law still exists. You will not survive here. You are not a wolf, and this is a land of wolves now.
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  15. #15
    Methodological Naturalism tk217's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DropTheBS View Post
    I'm guilty of saying this one. I've said "Make the ask" when I mean "Request it." Like every environment, there's a language to speak, and some are more ridiculous than others.
    If you said Make the Ask to me - I would just laugh at you. Oh my ****ing god.
      
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  16. #16
    You Never Had Me Fuqdatass's Avatar
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    If you ask me to CC you on something you’ve guaranteed I’m specifically not going to
    I don’t want a large farva, I want a goddamn liter of cola

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  17. #17
    Methodological Naturalism tk217's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DropTheBS View Post
    The passive aggressiveness is what triggers me. No one has the balls to say what they want anymore due to tighter HR restrictions and the constant threat of liability so we had to invent language to talk around it.
    This is why I have to be passive aggressive in everything I do and write in the workspace.

    Waaaaaaaaah my feelings. He's a male. He's oppressing me.
      
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  18. #18
    Works fine though CrookedDink's Avatar
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    best regards,
    timothy
    Lil' Dinky
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  19. #19
    PhotoChopin' That Angus OutdoorsBrah's Avatar
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    Talking

    "I was only able to fit my hand and some of my wrist up the secretaries arse.... I hoping to go full fist, wrist, and arm next week...












    Okay, great, lets "touch base" and "cross that bridge" when the time comes.... Best regards."












    In all seriousness, I don't have this issue. If someone tries to speak to me in corporate-autism, I will ask them to just speak to me "in English". Most people deeply despise this "jargon" so if you let it be known you hate it as well, they will just talk to you like a human being. Gotta speak up about this chit MISC Sor you will continue to the get the passive aggressive corporate jargon tossed at you.
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  20. #20
    ☞ #HiiiPower ☜ mazimi18's Avatar
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    'Hi There,

    Just following up on the e-mail request below. Please advise when we might anticipate a response.

    Thanks!'
    my name is nathan but my friends just call me N word
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  21. #21
    Methodological Naturalism tk217's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CrookedDink View Post
    best regards,
    timothy
    Even better is the --

    Please see the attached:

    <img1234.pdf>
    <img3455.pdf>

    Best Regards,

    Timothy

    Timothy L. Ramirez IV C.P.A., P.M.P., LL.M.
    Company X Company Inc.
    Fortune 500 Best Rated Companies
    Office: (1)-XXX-XXX-XXXX
    Cell: (1)-XXX-XXX-XXXX
    Fax: (1)-XXX-XXX-XXXX

    Contact us:

    1234 Corporate Avenue
    San Francisco, CA
    94334-5500

    Mailing Address:

    P.O. Box 1234
    Antioch, CA
    94531-5007

    <font color="#009900" face="Webdings" size="4">P</font><font
    color="#009900" face="verdana,arial,helvetica" size="2"> <strong>Please
    consider the environment before printing this email</strong></font>

    Can you make a longer e-mail footer please? Especially like it when the code fails and they haven't realized it and they send me an e-mail in the wrong format so I can't even see what the **** they sent.
      
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  22. #22
    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DropTheBS View Post
    Not in tech, unaware. But using MVP as the antonym to something that sounds like bare minimum acceptable standard sounds right up the alley of corporate assfckery.
    It's exactly that. You got it in one.
    Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
    Thus unlamented let me die;
    Steal from the world, and not a stone
    Tell where I lie.

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  23. #23
    Registered User DanteEdmond's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CrookedDink View Post
    best regards,
    timothy
    I see no issue with this one. In fact, I think the bigger issue is the overuse of the word "Thanks."

    I'll say thanks if the person I'm emailing actually did something. But if I'm emailing to just offer information, to request information, to answer a question etc -- then what am I thanking this person for?

    and "thanks" comes up in so many emails. Some people write it as part of their signature even,
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  24. #24
    Registered User SiegeMT's Avatar
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    When people say "BLUF", like okay sure use it in an e-mail whatever but don't use (lexicon?) in speech. The same as someone saying TL;DR, like STFU and stop adding all the filler information then and get to the point. Such a waste of time.
    Ninja Punch Society x2 now
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  25. #25
    I post too much. SuperChieftain's Avatar
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    I don't know why, but i get really irritated when someone uses "per" in an email.
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  26. #26
    Registered User BraneyGumble's Avatar
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    Haha, you're such a rockstar OP, finally a true ninja.

    Now let's adopt a horizontal approach in order to enhance effectiveness.
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  27. #27
    Registered User mchabs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by CrookedDink View Post
    best regards,
    timothy
    should hit them back with a

    warm, moist regards
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  28. #28
    Registered User stevlor's Avatar
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    Might not seem bad to US posters, but 'do a 360' and 'thanks for reaching out' kill me when a UK bro types them.
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  29. #29
    Methodological Naturalism tk217's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stevlor View Post
    Might not seem bad to US posters, but 'do a 360' and 'thanks for reaching out' kill me when a UK bro types them.
    do a 360? do a circle?
      
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  30. #30
    STRONG(ER) JUGGERNAUT1333's Avatar
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    "We"
    "Going forward"
    "Please Advise"
    "Per my e-mail"
    "Need a big month"

    I basically despise everything about corporate life except the ease, and air conditioning all day.
    6'1 - 240lbs

    <HTC>
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