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  1. #151
    Registered User itsallrelative's Avatar
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    Maybe I’m stepping outta line here but I think op is in complete denial/disillusioned about his break up.

    What are you looking for in dating again? Validation? That you still have that mojo? Man U just got outta a serious relationship and you for some reason refuse to face the truth about what happened. Where’s the growth in that.

    You’re in denial. Just my two cents. “1000 friends”. Who the **** has 1000 friends. Does that make the break up easier for you, that you have soo many friends and you’re such a cool guy? Not doubting you are because you seem like a good dude. But Does all that somehow make you immune to the heartache you’re likely experiencing?

    Seems like you’re trying to overcompensate what was likely a devastating break up that you still have to come to terms with.
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  2. #152
    as advertised xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallrelative View Post
    Maybe I’m stepping outta line here but I think op is in complete denial/disillusioned about his break up.

    What are you looking for in dating again? Validation? That you still have that mojo? Man U just got outta a serious relationship and you for some reason refuse to face the truth about what happened. Where’s the growth in that.

    You’re in denial. Just my two cents. “1000 friends”. Who the **** has 1000 friends. Does that make the break up easier for you, that you have soo many friends and you’re such a cool guy? Not doubting you are because you seem like a good dude. But Does all that somehow make you immune to the heartache you’re likely experiencing?

    Seems like you’re trying to overcompensate what was likely a devastating break up that you still have to come to terms with.
    i am using it as an opportunity to get back to how I used to be. i think i was a good bit different back before this particular relationship tbh. and the more removed i am from things (only been a few weeks) makes me kinda see that i really wasnt having my needs met at all in it, which makes it a lot easier to take. my friends have also made things a lot easier, i have had so many people check in with me and talk to me about things and through that i think its been really easy for me to understand why it wasnt a good relationship for me and that things could be a lot better.

    idk i guess i just dont feel that way. im not comparing these girls to my ex. i saw some pictures of us i had yet to delete and i didnt feel much. it's just really nice and different from the last couple years of taking care of someone and putting my own needs on the backburner. i feel like an individual again. that feels really good. maybe i am wrong and this shiit hits me like a train in a few weeks here, but i just don't think that'll happen. and if it does, itll certainly be chronicled here. i feel like i do have a much better grasp of what i want now after the whole thing.
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  3. #153
    Registered User itsallrelative's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    i am using it as an opportunity to get back to how I used to be. i think i was a good bit different back before this particular relationship tbh. and the more removed i am from things (only been a few weeks) makes me kinda see that i really wasnt having my needs met at all in it, which makes it a lot easier to take. my friends have also made things a lot easier, i have had so many people check in with me and talk to me about things and through that i think its been really easy for me to understand why it wasnt a good relationship for me and that things could be a lot better.

    idk i guess i just dont feel that way. im not comparing these girls to my ex. i saw some pictures of us i had yet to delete and i didnt feel much. it's just really nice and different from the last couple years of taking care of someone and putting my own needs on the backburner. i feel like an individual again. that feels really good. maybe i am wrong and this shiit hits me like a train in a few weeks here, but i just don't think that'll happen. and if it does, itll certainly be chronicled here. i feel like i do have a much better grasp of what i want now after the whole thing.
    Glad to see how well you are handling it. But let yourself feel something about it at least? I dunno. I read your posts and you are smart and level headed. Seem like a great guy with good intentions. But u lost someone u love man. Give yourself a second to grieve about it. Reflect and see what might have gone wrong.

    U always give good advice , doesn’t hurt to ask for help or guidance from others here if ur hurting. Pm me if ur having trouble and all the best dude. U got dis
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  4. #154
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    Originally Posted by itsallrelative View Post
    Glad to see how well you are handling it. But let yourself feel something about it at least? I dunno. I read your posts and you are smart and level headed. Seem like a great guy with good intentions. But u lost someone u love man. Give yourself a second to grieve about it. Reflect and see what might have gone wrong.

    U always give good advice , doesn’t hurt to ask for help or guidance from others here if ur hurting. Pm me if ur having trouble and all the best dude. U got dis

    going to have to agree with this guy.

    you need to go through the greiving process at least some point, not even to reflect on what went wrong/right, but just phuking..reflect and give yourself time. just feel things.

    I remember when this girl and I broke up in July, I went straight into dating right away (but nothing serious), finally just took a break to focus on myself and build myself up back up again/focus on my hobbies I neglected while in the relationship. now I'm finally ready (2 months later) to dive back into things.
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  5. #155
    Registered User DustinTheHuss's Avatar
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    Sometimes dating, especially Tinder sloots who are usually low quality, makes you miss your ex even more. I know I just had to stop it and take a break for a bit as it would just make me depressed.
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  6. #156
    as advertised xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    i certainly appreciate what you guys are saying, but you are projecting your own experiences onto me. why is it so hard to believe that i deal well with hardship and i have already grieved a few weeks ago?
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  7. #157
    Registered User HoustonMiscer's Avatar
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    i think i might get back into the bumble game. i switched phones and lost all my good pics though smh
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  8. #158
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    i certainly appreciate what you guys are saying, but you are projecting your own experiences onto me. why is it so hard to believe that i deal well with hardship and i have already grieved a few weeks ago?
    I kinda believe it tbh, you seem like an emotional guy that can swing through states rather quickly. You disappeared off this forum in a heartbeat when you met this girl, and now you're immediately back in volume.

    If I projected my own emotional temperament onto you, I'd say you're not over anything. Mine is gradual, so both the attachment and detachment is slow. It was 3 months of brutal grieving for me coming out of my 3-year (and I was the one that wouldn't commit to her, she wanted to marry me). 6 months to start dating without literally comparing every woman to her, and 1 year to be able to see a picture of her without recoiling.
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  9. #159
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    I myself have been hurt by women but I usually get over it quickly. I've never cried over a woman breaking up with me or rejecting me or whatever which I think is such a pathetic, bitch-made thing to do. As a Youtuber kzaggin20 said before in one of his videos: "My love dries up like a shallow pond during a drought." Now replace love with infatuation and that describes me. Once I find out a woman ain't interested in me as I thought or is just being disrespectful and manipulative, something in my mind changes like flipping a switch and I automatically just move on and ignore the fuk out of that bitch to the point where I act like I don't know her.

    Why dudes' put up with disrespect and bullchit and hold on to a nonexistent relationship baffles me.
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  10. #160
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    Why dudes' put up with disrespect and bullchit and hold on to a nonexistent relationship baffles me.
    Have you ever been in a serious LTR? Idk dude, maybe you're just highly guarded or sociopathic.

    Anyway, I'll try to explain the experience to you since it was foreign to me too before my breakup. It's not like you can fully control it - your logical mind says one thing, but your emotional self is hurting. So you can literally just feel depressed or cry in the middle of doing something else. You can shake it off and even laugh about it as you're crying.

    You could do with empathizing a bit more. I know you do the tough guy thing, but a bit of vulnerability would help you a lot. You won't instantly become a 'beta' by being better balanced with your emotions. But hey, like I said above, maybe you're just naturally more cold.
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  11. #161
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Have you ever been in a serious LTR? Idk dude, maybe you're just highly guarded or sociopathic.

    Anyway, I'll try to explain the experience to you since it was foreign to me too before my breakup. It's not like you can fully control it - your logical mind says one thing, but your emotional self is hurting. So you can literally just feel depressed or cry in the middle of doing something else. You can shake it off and even laugh about it as you're crying.

    You could do with empathizing a bit more. I know you do the tough guy thing, but a bit of vulnerability would help you a lot. You won't instantly become a 'beta' by being better balanced with your emotions. But hey, like I said above, maybe you're just naturally more cold.
    Yeah you're right, I say I'm highly guarded and I do have some sociopathic tendencies but that doesn't mean I'm not a true sociopath as I still get emotional from time to time and I'm not necessarily a bad guy but because of the chit I've been through all my life, I just now have a reserved yet cold and abrasive demeanor about me. I'm also blunt and people tend to either respect that and like me or dislike me.

    I've been in a few serious relationships before but even back then I just wasn't as emotionally invested as I thought I would be. I know it doesn't make you beta to be a little vulnerable to a woman in a serious relationship but idk....I'm just emotionally distant most of the time with a woman I do like...like I keep one foot out the door and one foot in if that makes sense. I don't reveal everything about me with women I like.

    Funny thing is my personality tends to have women fascinated by me, at least the ones that like me.
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  12. #162
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    I'm just emotionally distant most of the time with a woman I do like...like I keep one foot out the door and one foot in if that makes sense. I don't reveal everything about me with women I like.

    Funny thing is my personality tends to have women fascinated by me, at least the ones that like me.
    Makes sense, I'm the same way at the beginning. I think that's appropriate because we tend towards irrational attachment in honeymoon phase. But I realized it's okay to allow trust and connection to build gradually over time.

    If you just stay guarded and closed off, you'll never give yourself the opportunity to develop a really close connection. Basically you have to expose yourself to hurt, to reap the gains. But it should be done cautiously.

    I agree most people lean too heavily towards idealization and early attachment. And we should be aware of women that do it, since they can also detach quickly.
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  13. #163
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Makes sense, I'm the same way at the beginning. I think that's appropriate because we tend towards irrational attachment in honeymoon phase. But I realized it's okay to allow trust and connection to build gradually over time.

    If you just stay guarded and closed off, you'll never give yourself the opportunity to develop a really close connection. Basically you have to expose yourself to hurt, to reap the gains. But it should be done cautiously.

    I agree most people lean too heavily towards idealization and early attachment. And we should be aware of women that do it, since they can also detach quickly.
    Glad you understand.

    I try not to reveal too much about myself with women I'm interested in not because of game playing but because it's really none of their business to know everything about me. Like one time this one chick kept asking me these basic-ass questions about myself; basically fluff talk and it was honestly really boring talking to her even though she was hot because it was just cursory questions and I kept giving her short answers too and yet she kept trying to talk to me. Granted she's 20 but still kinda annoying.

    Yeah I do agree you have to be a little less guarded in a serious relationship for it to work but a lot of dudes take it way too far because they listened to terrible blue pilled advice from their Moms and some cases their Fathers and other relatives because they grew up in a different time than they did.
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  14. #164
    as advertised xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HoustonMiscer View Post
    i think i might get back into the bumble game. i switched phones and lost all my good pics though smh
    so make some new ones my dude. no excuses.

    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    I kinda believe it tbh, you seem like an emotional guy that can swing through states rather quickly. You disappeared off this forum in a heartbeat when you met this girl, and now you're immediately back in volume.

    If I projected my own emotional temperament onto you, I'd say you're not over anything. Mine is gradual, so both the attachment and detachment is slow. It was 3 months of brutal grieving for me coming out of my 3-year (and I was the one that wouldn't commit to her, she wanted to marry me). 6 months to start dating without literally comparing every woman to her, and 1 year to be able to see a picture of her without recoiling.
    i mean its the projection in the fact that I should do _____ or I should to this other _____ in order to grieve. everyone grieves in their own way. if you'd like the truth, i did cry privately after the event and the next day by myself while talking to a friend. i did express my emotions. however, what i realized is that the expression was due to my own personal failure to help her like i wanted to. i just think i move along much better than most people if i have those few days to process what happened. and i believe I have grown tremendously from it in a short time.

    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    I myself have been hurt by women but I usually get over it quickly. I've never cried over a woman breaking up with me or rejecting me or whatever which I think is such a pathetic, bitch-made thing to do. As a Youtuber kzaggin20 said before in one of his videos: "My love dries up like a shallow pond during a drought." Now replace love with infatuation and that describes me. Once I find out a woman ain't interested in me as I thought or is just being disrespectful and manipulative, something in my mind changes like flipping a switch and I automatically just move on and ignore the fuk out of that bitch to the point where I act like I don't know her.

    Why dudes' put up with disrespect and bullchit and hold on to a nonexistent relationship baffles me.
    not everyone has that strength.

    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Have you ever been in a serious LTR? Idk dude, maybe you're just highly guarded or sociopathic.

    Anyway, I'll try to explain the experience to you since it was foreign to me too before my breakup. It's not like you can fully control it - your logical mind says one thing, but your emotional self is hurting. So you can literally just feel depressed or cry in the middle of doing something else. You can shake it off and even laugh about it as you're crying.

    You could do with empathizing a bit more. I know you do the tough guy thing, but a bit of vulnerability would help you a lot. You won't instantly become a 'beta' by being better balanced with your emotions. But hey, like I said above, maybe you're just naturally more cold.
    i agree one million percent with this.

    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    Yeah you're right, I say I'm highly guarded and I do have some sociopathic tendencies but that doesn't mean I'm not a true sociopath as I still get emotional from time to time and I'm not necessarily a bad guy but because of the chit I've been through all my life, I just now have a reserved yet cold and abrasive demeanor about me. I'm also blunt and people tend to either respect that and like me or dislike me.

    I've been in a few serious relationships before but even back then I just wasn't as emotionally invested as I thought I would be. I know it doesn't make you beta to be a little vulnerable to a woman in a serious relationship but idk....I'm just emotionally distant most of the time with a woman I do like...like I keep one foot out the door and one foot in if that makes sense. I don't reveal everything about me with women I like.

    Funny thing is my personality tends to have women fascinated by me, at least the ones that like me.
    i can respect this too. i am a bit different than this, but i have a few friends who are just the **** like you.

    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Makes sense, I'm the same way at the beginning. I think that's appropriate because we tend towards irrational attachment in honeymoon phase. But I realized it's okay to allow trust and connection to build gradually over time.

    If you just stay guarded and closed off, you'll never give yourself the opportunity to develop a really close connection. Basically you have to expose yourself to hurt, to reap the gains. But it should be done cautiously.

    I agree most people lean too heavily towards idealization and early attachment. And we should be aware of women that do it, since they can also detach quickly.
    eh i'm usually balls to the wall, open up if i get a good feeling. at the very least it has resulted in a few long term relationships that were good until they werent.
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    the girl from the date last night texted me today thanking me again. i'd like to see her again, but i can sense she may be playing hard to get. she has certainly pulled back a little. or maybe she isn't as into it anymore afterwards. wouldnt be the first time i had a great date from my perspective and they werent as enthused, but it is rare.

    also added another tinder girl to the rotation. she lives 2 blocks away and is 22. she's cool and she works at the zoo. pretty sweet tbh. definitely looking forward to meeting her as well, maybe over the next few days.
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    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    so make some new ones my dude. no excuses.



    i mean its the projection in the fact that I should do _____ or I should to this other _____ in order to grieve. everyone grieves in their own way. if you'd like the truth, i did cry privately after the event and the next day by myself while talking to a friend. i did express my emotions. however, what i realized is that the expression was due to my own personal failure to help her like i wanted to. i just think i move along much better than most people if i have those few days to process what happened. and i believe I have grown tremendously from it in a short time.



    not everyone has that strength.



    i agree one million percent with this.



    i can respect this too. i am a bit different than this, but i have a few friends who are just the **** like you.



    eh i'm usually balls to the wall, open up if i get a good feeling. at the very least it has resulted in a few long term relationships that were good until they werent.
    I mean I can still show emotion and love for people but when it comes to women and even friends regardless of gender, I don't really get too vulnerable. I still care for people (especially family members) but I'm pretty selfish and value myself a lot. Though since I'm working to be a certified PT with the goal of helping people achieve their fitness and health goals, I guess I'm not too selfish. I feel like being emotionally detached to a certain degree with relationships with females is an asset instead of a liability.
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    i dont view vulnerability as a liability. interesting. i view it as a conditional strength.
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    i certainly appreciate what you guys are saying, but you are projecting your own experiences onto me. why is it so hard to believe that i deal well with hardship and i have already grieved a few weeks ago?
    thats the new misc brah. You can't possibly have a different experience than someone else
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    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    i dont view vulnerability as a liability. interesting. i view it as a conditional strength.
    Well we have to agree to disagree. Being vulnerable to a certain degree can create a stronger bond but too much is a liability.
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    Originally Posted by BigBallsMcgee View Post
    thats the new misc brah. You can't possibly have a different experience than someone else
    yeah, guess so. but they were respectful and i appreciate the input. could be right, but i dont think so. i feel great.

    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    Well we have to agree to disagree. Being vulnerable to a certain degree can create a stronger bond but too much is a liability.
    no worries my dude, i appreciate the insight.

    update:

    date with another tinder chick tomorrow. she goes to my gym. we are going to an indoor trampoline park at night, and if shes cool i'll prob take her for a bite afterwards.
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    Registered User Rebel012's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BigBallsMcgee View Post
    thats the new misc brah. You can't possibly have a different experience than someone else
    Funny statement coming from a guy who projects his own very limited experience onto everyone else: "It's always all about looks brah!!"
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    Originally Posted by Rebel012 View Post
    Funny statement coming from a guy who projects his own very limited experience onto everyone else: "It's always all about looks brah!!"
    Looks do make up a large part of a woman's attraction to you but aren't the only determining factor. Only incels/MGTOW dudes keep saying they're the only thing that matters. They must be referring to casual sex where looks are the biggest factor but in terms of a long-term relationship? Women look for more substance. And even just attraction-wise, if you're socially awkward/you don't know how to talk to women, she's gonna slowly but surely lose interest.
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    Originally Posted by Rebel012 View Post
    Funny statement coming from a guy who projects his own very limited experience onto everyone else: "It's always all about looks brah!!"
    I dont ever say that. What I say is that at a certain point, looks will hold you back no matter what else you do. But obviously only a subset of people are at that level.
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  25. #175
    as advertised xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BlackScorpio91 View Post
    Looks do make up a large part of a woman's attraction to you but aren't the only determining factor. Only incels/MGTOW dudes keep saying they're the only thing that matters. They must be referring to casual sex where looks are the biggest factor but in terms of a long-term relationship? Women look for more substance. And even just attraction-wise, if you're socially awkward/you don't know how to talk to women, she's gonna slowly but surely lose interest.
    agree.

    Originally Posted by BigBallsMcgee View Post
    I dont ever say that. What I say is that at a certain point, looks will hold you back no matter what else you do. But obviously only a subset of people are at that level.
    agree.

    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    As FLChamp says, Tinder is the bottom of the barrel women. It's gone downhill since its peak in 2014.
    all the girls I've met so far have been awesome.
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  26. #176
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    agree.



    agree.



    all the girls I've met so far have been awesome.
    clearly the experience is different for chads. i've only been on 2 tinder dates. one of them she was just talking about herself and her stupid fukin friends the whole time. the other one she was on me so hard i didn't even have to do anything. if a tinder chick flakes on me i won't take it so hard, it's fukin tinder. fuking lol at anyone who uses tinder to seriously find a mate. yes the 2nd tinder experience was the infamous "you have to earn this dik" houstonmiscer moment
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  27. #177
    as advertised xvicknumber7x's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HoustonMiscer View Post
    clearly the experience is different for chads. i've only been on 2 tinder dates. one of them she was just talking about herself and her stupid fukin friends the whole time. the other one she was on me so hard i didn't even have to do anything. if a tinder chick flakes on me i won't take it so hard, it's fukin tinder. fuking lol at anyone who uses tinder to seriously find a mate. yes the 2nd tinder experience was the infamous "you have to earn this dik" houstonmiscer moment
    i like tinder girls so far tbh. they are really talkative and funny. i'm def looking forward to seeing this one later on. but yeah I feel what you're saying. and I am far from a chad. i am 5'8'' and have a nice looking face to some. that's really it. i work out, make funny jokes, push the envelop with flirting when i see an opportunity, and have fun as my #1 priority. any man can do that.
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  28. #178
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    i like tinder girls so far tbh. they are really talkative and funny. i'm def looking forward to seeing this one later on. but yeah I feel what you're saying. and I am far from a chad. i am 5'8'' and have a nice looking face to some. that's really it. i work out, make funny jokes, push the envelop with flirting when i see an opportunity, and have fun as my #1 priority. any man can do that.
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  29. #179
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    Chadlet crew. I actually haven’t used Tinder at all in the past 1+ years since I’ve been on apps
    dude I am just not a chad lmao. idk how to describe it. like... i am just not a chad. my voice is horrific. my hair is always messy. my style needs a TON of work, like honestly. can't grow a beard, average height, completely unimpressive dick. there is literally nothing about me that is better than others. i just go for it, man. honestly i just make jokes and understand that the playing field is whatever i want it to be. every game is a home game for me because i steer the conversation or plans in the direction that is comfortable for me, and i do so in a way that people want to come. that's all I do. and it has taken years to learn.
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  30. #180
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by xvicknumber7x View Post
    dude I am just not a chad lmao. idk how to describe it. like... i am just not a chad. my voice is horrific. my hair is always messy. my style needs a TON of work, like honestly. can't grow a beard, average height, completely unimpressive dick. there is literally nothing about me that is better than others. i just go for it, man. honestly i just make jokes and understand that the playing field is whatever i want it to be. every game is a home game for me because i steer the conversation or plans in the direction that is comfortable for me, and i do so in a way that people want to come. that's all I do. and it has taken years to learn.
    I wouldn't say I'm a Chad either but I'll rate myself at least a 6-6.5 and I rely on the combination of my looks and personality to get chicks and in some cases just my looks (didn't really happen as much when I had thick glasses and looked like a fuking nerdy black dude). I just try to have a "take it or leave it" personality and people either tend to respect that and even like me or dislike me. But regardless it's all about respect. I'll say I'm narcissistic, cocky and selfish to a certain degree but that doesn't stop people from trying to be friendly with me.

    Yeah it's taken years for me to get to the point where I'm the man I am now and I'm still learning every day. The game never stops.
    Mode One For Life

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    Height: 6'3''

    Current weight: 236.2

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