trying to fix my self

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

hello, i am josh. i am currently trying to get back in shape and decided i needed a new way to hold myself accountable. this is what i have so far.


i was a skinny kid, all through school i was just naturally thin. high energy kid running around and constantly moving. i joined track in high school and started getting in actual shape, started gaining muscle and getting into a more athletic fit looking person. all was well and i liked track a lot. but then i graduated.

as soon as i graduated school, i moved out of my parents house. i got a machinists job where i sat all day. i started gaining some weight. i wasn't running anymore and didn't have access to a gym like i did in school. i wasn't super worried because it was just a few pounds and i still looked okay and felt okay. but i slipped and got lazy. without realizing i had gained almost 100 pounds in 2 years. i had attempted to go to gyms and never stuck to it. i ate like crap most of the time because it was cheap, and gain i was lazy. my long term girlfriend at the time also broke up with me and i became depressed and even less motivated to do literally anything. i just sat around playing videogames and eating junk like pizza or various sorts of fast food. never realizing that it was just making me worse.
that brings me to now. im tired of looking like i do. i was once a handsome guy with lots of energy and decent athletic ability. now i can barely keep up with my friends during friendly weekend football games. so i guess ill use this as my log, to keep myself accountable and hopefully motivate myself to get **** done instead of wasting away in front of a television playing video games.

i have a attached a picture in which i literally just took before posting this. this is me right now. i am 243 pounds, 5'9 (according to my license i think im more like 5'8) with a 40 in waist (according to my pants, dont have a way to measure) as of june 9th, 2019. thank you. ALSO IM 21 NOT SURE WHY IT SAYS IM 49

[LadyBekah]

hello, i am josh. i am currently trying to get back in shape and decided i needed a new way to hold myself accountable. this is what i have so far.


i was a skinny kid, all through school i was just naturally thin. high energy kid running around and constantly moving. i joined track in high school and started getting in actual shape, started gaining muscle and getting into a more athletic fit looking person. all was well and i liked track a lot. but then i graduated.

as soon as i graduated school, i moved out of my parents house. i got a machinists job where i sat all day. i started gaining some weight. i wasn't running anymore and didn't have access to a gym like i did in school. i wasn't super worried because it was just a few pounds and i still looked okay and felt okay. but i slipped and got lazy. without realizing i had gained almost 100 pounds in 2 years. i had attempted to go to gyms and never stuck to it. i ate like crap most of the time because it was cheap, and gain i was lazy. my long term girlfriend at the time also broke up with me and i became depressed and even less motivated to do literally anything. i just sat around playing videogames and eating junk like pizza or various sorts of fast food. never realizing that it was just making me worse.
that brings me to now. im tired of looking like i do. i was once a handsome guy with lots of energy and decent athletic ability. now i can barely keep up with my friends during friendly weekend football games. so i guess ill use this as my log, to keep myself accountable and hopefully motivate myself to get **** done instead of wasting away in front of a television playing video games.

i have a attached a picture in which i literally just took before posting this. this is me right now. i am 243 pounds, 5'9 (according to my license i think im more like 5'8) with a 40 in waist (according to my pants, dont have a way to measure) as of june 9th, 2019. thank you. ALSO IM 21 NOT SURE WHY IT SAYS IM 49

Hey Josh! You've got this!

It's so frustrating how easy it is to slip into bad habits and how challenging it can be to get into positive habits.

What is your plan on how you will lose weight/get fit? Are you going to go to a gym and follow a program? It'll help for goal setting to have something concrete instead of a vague and generic goal of "lose weight". I used to do that and it only resulted in me losing some weight, and then gaining that and more back.

Is your goal to lose weight only? Gain muscle as well? What is your ideal?

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

i am starting to run again. my plan so far is to do cardio one day and weights the next and repeat. i have my own dumbells. a set of 15s and a set of 25s. i remember the workouts i used to do for track, so im resorting back to that to try and get my endurance and stamina back. i do want to gain muscle because i feel i already have a decent amount on me as it is, especially in my legs from my past training (and lugging myself around), so im hoping that gives me a bit of a kick start on that aspect. lose the weight and gain the muscle semi- simultaneously. i plan on setting a calorie plan, still not sure on how much, but for dinner i had tuna a sandwich and baby carrots. and all i have drank the last 2 days was water. and im going to buy a blender this upcoming weekend to make shakes and smoothies. hoping that will help along the process in which i can only assume will be a long going one. my little sister wants to join track now that she is getting to a grade that has it, and she wants me to help her train for it. so i have that fire under me to try and get better as well. thank you for your kind words! im going to genuinely try this time around. i need this for myself and my future. im thinking of posting weekly here with progess. thanks again!

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

6/16/2019


i am at 240 pounds. not much of anything in this first week which is kind of disappointing to be quite honest. ive been eating less, and cleaner. i ran/walked 4 days this week and did arm and back workouts with dumbells twice this week. my lowest recorded weight this week was 237, but i guess i did something wrong. ive been trying intermittent fasting and have been drinking only water for the first time in forever. i did have a big dinner and a beer last night and im wondering if that hurt me in my progress or something. idk. i went grocery shopping friday, and i got only good stuff. i bought rice, chicken breasts, carrots and spinach just to name a few of the better items i got. im not stopping obviously, its just tough when it feels like you fail. hopefully i can get more this week. so far what ive been doing is running walking one day, and doing dumbell workouts the next, and then ill be out all day today so i wont be able to get my weights in. but my arms and upper beck are pretty sore so im sure my body will be glad anyways lol. friday i walked like almost 8 miles which was pretty nice. ill ramp it up starting this week. ill attach some photos to my profile with date stamps. does anyone have any suggestions that may help me? thanks for reading! heres to next week!

[ampire]

While walking is quite good for you, it can increase your appetite. Make sure you aren't eating more food as a result of walking.

Also, avoid drinking beer if you can. Stick to the water. If you drink only water, eventually you will lose the craving for non water drinks and it will be quite easier. Coffee is fine to drink if you want something else. Whey protein. Just avoid sodas, beer, and other alcoholic or sugary beverages.

Don't stress day to day weight fluctuations, but try to make sure you hold yourself accountable for cheat days.

Make sure you lift weights with a solid full body routine to build up lean body mass, that will help. I recommend joining a gym that has a decent amount of free weights, 15lb and 25lb dumbbells won't get you very far. You want to do full body exercises with a barbell or heavy dumbbells so you build up your muscle.

Keep at it and don't give up, you will see results quicker than you think if you adhere to a program.

[MSKFAHIM]

Hey Josh,

Congrats on recognising that downward spiral and having that strength to say no to it and attempting to take back control.

Considering your athletic past, I'm sure you will be able to achieve your goal if you just apply yourself. A lot of people struggling with the lack of fitness or weight issues have no idea about training like you do. So it's good that you have that experience to help yourself.

I have a similar story like yours. I started incredibly scrawny and then started lifting and eating big and got strong and muscular. Then I stopped and gradually over a year or so, kept on piling on fat and reached my heaviest weight ever. I didn't get that way by binge eating or through eating disorders. I got that way by consistently eating sh*t. I think you built up that bad habit too.

The fix that's working for me now is that I eliminated all bad food from my diet. I drink no diet coke or anything anymore. I always have vegetables, eggs and as much lean meat as possible. At least for the first 3 months of my training plan, I have decided to not mess with this rule and keep eating healthier stuff. I am even switching to wholegrain (mostly due to medical issues). As for the amount I eat, I am targeting a deficit where I see a weekly weight loss of around a pound. I don't want to lose a lot more than that because I am also doing the program StrongLifts 5x5 to gain back my strength and put on some muscle mass (or retain at least the ones I do have). On top of that, the program rewards me with Personal Records I get to set or look forward to. I am enjoying learning to eat better, learning to lift heavier and altering the way I look and feel. I even picked up the ability to swim by going swimming after workouts on Sundays for an hour or so.

What I am trying to tell you is to maybe not get fixated on the scale so much. You can checkout my fat loss log here. I am not fixated at my weight but I am still making progress. I just find it more amazing to be able to get motivated by multiple different ways I am making progress than to focus on that weight loss number.

You started at 243 and are not 240. That is what matters the most. It matters more that you are progressing in the right direction than how incredibly fast it is happening.

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

thank you! and you're doing great keep it up! ill start figuring out an actual workout cycle here and get back to the old me

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

6/23/19


a little later of an update today, i had to work. i am 235 pounds now! progress is progress even though i know it must be water weight that im losing at the moment. but that doesnt make me any less happy than i am! my heaviest was 254 so i mean this is definitely exciting.

ive been drinking tons of water a day. ive gone through 1 and a half cases of water bottles just this week! ive been running and walking every day, ive done weights 3 times this week, and ive been holing at about 1300-1500 calories a day. ive been stopping IF and instead having smaller meals or healthy snacks through the day, because IF has been giving me headaches and leaving me tired.

a few days ago me and the boys played ultimate Frisbee and i had so much more energy than i usually did! i was running around and making plays as if i were perfectly healthy. it felt great and i cant wait to play again. im super excited with the slight progress ive made so far and its helping me stay motivated for the future because i just cant wait to be the old me again. i dont see any physical difference yet, but its okay. i feel much better lately. i posted this weeks progress photo on my profile. it was taken right after todays workout! have a good rest of your day!

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

6/30/19

hello! i am here for my weekly update. i am 232 pounds now! thats now 10 pounds lost from my starting weight! how exciting. still dont see much of a change, which i dont expect probably until like another 10-20 pounds. maybe you can tell me if my pics look any different? week 3 progress pic up on my profile.


i have been still sticking to my exercise plan type thing i have going on. i walk lots every day and the last couple days ive been running more! im trying to get to the point where i can jog around the whole block i live on (which is huge) and as of right now im about a quarter way. im definitely getting there slowly. im still lifting weights a few times a week. i actually feel a bit stronger honestly. i hadnt been able to do one push up with this body weight when i started and now i can do 6-7 before it gets to be too much, and i can do reps like that! so i just have done like 4 reps of 6-7 and i guess that can be okay for now until i get more strength lol. i am very excited that i have made the progress i have and i cant wait until i see the next 10 pounds come off. im really excited. thank you guys!

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

7/7/19



hello all, weekly update here. i am 229! woohoo. progress is still being made. im doing okay still doing all my normal stuff. drinking only water and whatnot eating healthy and low amounts of non healthy stuff. i had a few beers on the 4th but i didn't over do it! we even had chicken breast on the 4th instead of hot dogs and burgers so that definitely helped! lol. i posted this weeks progress pic on my profile page, this time with a first day pic next to it!

i feel i may have to start upping my exercise, not like do way more but like do more different stuff. i feel i may be doing too much of the same thing. i know if i constantly do the same thing ill eventually stop getting progress. so i gotta figure some stuff out that i can do. ill up my dumbells and start running more often these next coming weeks. i hope you all had a good 4th! and have a great week too

[MSKFAHIM]

Hey Josh!

Good to see you again. Congrats on your progress. It's always good to come back and hear good news. I'm glad you have been seeing practical benefits (like not tiring out as much playing games with your friends).

As far as altering your training goes, I'd only do that if my weekly weight loss drops below whatever amount I set as my target. Other than that, there is no need to fix something that's not broken.

I wish you all the best with the rest of your journey. Also, keep on posting and sharing your journey like you are doing.


Fahim

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

7/14/19


hello all, week 5 update here. some good news and some bad. so i can start with the bad. well not BAD but not great. this week imk 228. only one pound from last week, which isnt bad, its still weight gone. but its also my own fault. i hadnt worked as hard this week. BUT, i did start back up my gym membership today, hence the late update post, i also worked. so ill be going to the gym more often, hopefully a few times a week. and its like 2 miles from my house and i walk. so thats cool. also, ive been getting very upset about my gut. lol. ive lost a few pounds but it doesnt feel like my actual stomach is changing at all. does anyone have any tips about helping slim out my stomach or is it still just a time thing? it upsets me, but dont get me wrong, i am still highly motivated. i will not stop until i am me again. anyways, thanks for listening, have a good one! progress pic on profile page.

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

7/21/19




hello all, week 6 here already? wow that was fast. im 226! 2 more down, interesting. good news! ive gone to the gym 5 times this week! ive done arms twice, legs twice and a day of just cardio. and guess what! i ran..... for 20 minutes straight!!!!!! what?????????? i havent been able to do that in almost a year and a half. it was on a treadmill of course, at 5.5 speed setting. im sooooo excited fpr that because i just wanna be able to run like i did back in my track days, and thats a huge step forward, considering a light jog was tough as hell for me not even 6 months ago. but yeah ivbe been doing some hefty weight lifting for upper body and doing squats and leg press and whatnot on leg days. i can actually use 20 lb dumbells pretty decently through my workout now instead of 15s like i used to! gainz? lol im very happy so far. i will not stop! almost at that 20 pound lost mark! (from starting weight, technically already almost lost 25 since my heaviest was 250, but my starting weight when i took this all seriously was 243) so thats awesome. im so glad i have this stuff to keep me accountable because it helps me motivate myself a ton too. and ive yet to have a "eh i dont wanna work out today" feeling because im just so excited to get it going even more lol. hopefully it stays that way. progress pic on profile, have a great day/week and ill catch you next sunday!!!!!

[mckajdos]

Looks like you're making great progress! Great work - seeing the results just fuels motivation.

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

7/28/19

hello all, week 7 in the books. im at 225. one pound this week. itd probably be more but i ate quite a bit of pasta this week LOL. still going to the gym, although on wednesday i did legs, and for some reason, my legs were hurting pretty darn bad the rtwo days after so thursday and friday i didnt go. but!, yesterday, the gym was closed by the time i got out of work, so i worked out at home! wasnt skipping 3 days in a row. every week i see that scale lower, i get even more motivated. i cant wait to be under 220! wow. i know its probably pointless to post a pic every week on my profile section, since i dont really look super different from the last couple weeks, but im just trying to solidly document it, so this weeks is up haha. i feel goood! im not stopping still! also, does anyone have any tips on what kinds of stuff i can do for meal preps? ive been using chicken and rice and a random veggie, is there other stuff you guys would suggest? thanks and be here same time next week!

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

8/4/19



week 8 down! idk if its just me but these weeks are flying by. i am definitely not looking forward to summer ending. anyways.... i hit 219! as of thismorning i am below 220 for the first time in 2 years!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy crap! im really excited. im only 20 away from my goal at this point (i know it says 190 on my profile, but i think 200 isk good because im just going to be building muscle anyways.. well. i hope lol) i actually didnt go to the gym for a few days this week because my legs felt like they were gonna get splints from running so much. so i was forced to take a break so i didnt further injure myself. but yesterday i went on a nice run around my block! im almost able to get the whole way before stopping. the hill towards the end is my main issue now. im gonna get it soon! im really hopeful for the next few months. im not gonna stop! thanks guys, have a good week! pic on profile

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

8/11/19



week 9 done! alrighty well. im 222 again this week. i was 219 last week so i mean that isnt horrible. im hoping its just water and muscle gain maybe? lol i kinda slacked this week. but im back on it i promise. im not demotivated. just sore. but im not slacking anymore. sorry for the late update, i had to work! on to week 10. hopefully some better results! haha. have a good week guys and gals

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

8/18/19





week 10 done. i am at 218 as of today. still doing the same schedule pretty much. as far as gym and eating goes. still sticking to it! thanks. have a good week.

[beowulf359]

Great log and the excellent progress!

[smokinal]

Great work man!
Don't change a thing
Looking forward to seeing your progress

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

9/2/19





oh boy i havent posted in 2 sundays............. but dont worry! i am doing fine! i have been busy as all hell the last 2 weekends but i have still been in the gym and still have been eating good. i am 220 this week. i was 224 last week if you were wondering. i know i was 218 the week before that but hey. i went camping, and i believe the food i was eating there, while it wasn't a lot, was adding far more calories than i was Normally eating. but i am back. i am still going strong. still trying to reach my goals. still not giving up. im trying to drop this last 20 pounds so i can see where i have to go from there haha. i may have to go past 200 as far as its looking now. but once i hit my goals i am going to focus on building muscle solely. (not that im not trying now, but ill be taking it more seriously and more intense later on). but i dont have to worry about that any time soon i dont think. im just focusing on this weight loss. oh, and i redownloaded myfitness pal. so theres that. thanks for reading! and thanks to everyomne saying these kind things! its definitely helpful. have a great rest of your week! ill be back sunday lol.

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

9/22/19




hello all. i know i havent posted in a couple weeks. but its because i seem to be having an issue. im still the same weight. every week im staying in the same weight. between 220-225. i dont know if this is a good thing or bad thing. i havent really changed anything. i still go to the gym every day but like 1. i also walk to and from work every day and thats like 2 miles from my house. so i dont know if i should change something or if its muscle mass added minus fat and its just evening out? but that just doesntmake much sense to me. thismorning i was 223.

does anyone have any suggestions? should i lower my caloric intake a bit more? i usually eat 1800 to 2000 a day max. how much lower should i go?? im just concerned i am not doing things correctly. i get the corect amount of sleep per night. maybe one time in the last like 3 months have i gotten less than 7 hours of sleep. i feel like i shouldve lost much more weight by now and i just dont know whats going on. obviously im not giving up so please dont think that. im just not understanding what i should do. please help! thank you!

[Mattygoesfiit]

9/22/19


hello all. i know i havent posted in a couple weeks. but its because i seem to be having an issue. im still the same weight. every week im staying in the same weight. between 220-225. i dont know if this is a good thing or bad thing. i havent really changed anything. i still go to the gym every day but like 1. i also walk to and from work every day and thats like 2 miles from my house. so i dont know if i should change something or if its muscle mass added minus fat and its just evening out? but that just doesntmake much sense to me. thismorning i was 223.

does anyone have any suggestions? should i lower my caloric intake a bit more? i usually eat 1800 to 2000 a day max. how much lower should i go?? im just concerned i am not doing things correctly. i get the corect amount of sleep per night. maybe one time in the last like 3 months have i gotten less than 7 hours of sleep. i feel like i shouldve lost much more weight by now and i just dont know whats going on. obviously im not giving up so please dont think that. im just not understanding what i should do. please help! thank you!

Really great stuff! You are doing really great. It does seem to go fast at first then very steady and then it crawls to a stop. Usually a lot of folks give up or fall off at that point (myself in the past included) so it’s great to hear still at it!

Usually when it slows or stops for me, it’s just a matter of really adjusting your macros. Even on a deficit your body gets used to the lower calories and how it can function on what it’s getting so it’s just a matter of kick starting it. I’m curious what your maintenance calories are. 1800-2k has got to be a good deficit to your weight. Sometimes the answer is to actually lesson your deficit for a few weeks and then drop it back down. As long as you are still at a deficit you won’t “gain” anything back. After a few weeks of a smaller deficit you should be able to ramp back to a larger one.
If you are already at a big deficit I’d hesitate to go lower right away. You need somewhere to go with any future plateaus that may come

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

hello all! week idk what it is. 10/6/19


i am back to 219! i think i busted through my plateu or whatever was my issue! thank goodness. im very happy with results! im still pushing, still going strong and still watching my food and counting calories. i can feel 200 coming right aroung the corner and i couldnt be more excited. i havent been under 200 in well over 2 years, and once i hit 200 that means ill have lost 50 pounds from my heaviest weight to date. that is just crazy! i dont post every week so im sorry about that but i am still here! i am still going and i wont stop. thank you guys for your support! it means so much to me and helps me every day. have a goood week my friends.

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

hello all. i am still here! i didnt dissapear or quit. but. i have slowed down. i dont remember if i had already shared it here, but i had a knee problem. still kiiiiinndda do but its pretty much gone now. i managed to get back up to 225 sadly. using my knee issue to do quite literally nothing. i have gone to the gym maybe 6 times since the last time i posted which isnt good. im pretty upset although it could be worse. but im back and ready to go full time i just need to get my schedule back in check and keep posting here instead of not doing so for weeks at a time. today i am doing a water fast to reset and ill be buying groceries to get back into my starting eating habits. my oal is still to be at 200 before christmas. i think its still doable. do you guys agree? thanks for listening to me complain!

[mckajdos]

hello all. i am still here! i didnt dissapear or quit. but. i have slowed down. i dont remember if i had already shared it here, but i had a knee problem. still kiiiiinndda do but its pretty much gone now. i managed to get back up to 225 sadly. using my knee issue to do quite literally nothing. i have gone to the gym maybe 6 times since the last time i posted which isnt good. im pretty upset although it could be worse. but im back and ready to go full time i just need to get my schedule back in check and keep posting here instead of not doing so for weeks at a time. today i am doing a water fast to reset and ill be buying groceries to get back into my starting eating habits. my oal is still to be at 200 before christmas. i think its still doable. do you guys agree? thanks for listening to me complain!

Welcome back! Remember, weight gain / loss is more heavily determined by your diet than time in the gym. Take the time for proper knee recovery if you need to and focus solely on adherence to a proper diet. Point is, a knee problem doesn't prevent you from making progress on your weight loss.

That being said, 25 lbs lost in 6 weeks will be challenging. I advise you take it one week at a time and focus on proper behaviors - staying within daily calorie goals, physical activity to the extent possible, etc. - as opposed to numbers on a scale. If you do the former, the numbers on the scale will work themselves out (pun intended?).

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

hello all, as promised i am here. so this whole week i stuck to my calorie intake i used to be on and its all good. i am back to 219! nice. so i decided to try and limit carbs this week too. i didnt completely remove them from my diet but i cut back as to not have a huge amount in my daily food. i ate a ton of salads this week lmao but i found out i like greek salads. i am back on track! im excited to keep going strong. and thanks for your words of encouragement! i guess 25 in 6 weeks is steep. oh well. no need to rush. have a great week guys!

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

hello all. still 219 lol. but! i was 216 before thanksgiving lol. that turkey got me huh lmaoo. still doing good! eating healthy. all is good and i hope everyones holidays are great! 216 is my new lowest weight and im very excited to be almost 40 pounds lost total. super excited. thanks everyone and have a good week!

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

12/9/19



hello all! NEW LOWEST WEIGHT i am 215!!!!!! woohooo. i have been eating normal so i guess i just had too much thanksgiving in my body still last week hahaha. i am so happy ! i am so close to 200 now! just a bit more to go. thanks every one! have a great week

[DERANGEDcitiZen]

hello all. this week im 217. darn it. but im going to chalk that up to eating a bit of pizza last night during the football game. GO BILLS!!!!!!! im still going strong though and i want to hit that 200 mark so badlyyyy. its just so close lol. i hope everyone has a great week!