I'm at my Wit's End

[ChazWood]

It's happened again. Peanut butter has dripped through the hole in my bagel and onto my shirt. It's the 3rd time this month, and frankly I've had it which is why I'm reaching out here for help.

I know what you're gonna say: it's simple thermodynamics physics - peanut butter liberally applied to the inside of a heated bagel will always drip through the hole. You will tell me not to heat the bagel or worse, use a muffin. Well thanks, but first off, an unheated bagel is essentially a donut with no sugar and therefore disgusting. Secondly, I can't stand muffins. They are pathetic and annoying. I even hate the word "muffin".

So I'm desperate to overcome this devastating situation and open to any and all suggestions.

Thanks in advance.

[Mark1T]

I will pray for you, Chazzy

[caravanbrah]

Use a plate and lean over it you fukking maniac.

[shaneinga]

Step 1. Cut halved, toasted bagel in half into the letter “c”.

Step 2. Dip C into peanut butter.

Profit.

[OldFartTom]

Buy mustard (peanut) yellow shirts. Problem solved

[ectoBgone]

After the peanut butter is spread, fold the bagel in half and there is no more hole. It's kind of like hacking the space-time continuum when going through a black hole.

[jtaylor2010]

Don’t know who Wit is but I’m sure he’s a lucky guy.

[grubman]

Duh...After you spread the peanut butter, hold it over your head, place your lips firmly over the hole, and suck out all the peanut butter. Stick your tongue in the hole and lick around the edge to make sure it’s all clean.

[Mark1T]

Duh...After you spread the peanut butter, hold it over your head, place your lips firmly over the hole, and suck out all the peanut butter. Stick your tongue in the hole and lick around the edge to make sure it’s all clean.

Just don't do that in public.

[debandmikeb]

Bib.

You're welcome.

[kimm4]

This is why I never eat PB on a bagel and use cream cheese instead. I just can't get myself to stick my tongue in the hole.

No homo.

[Cass40]

Eeww..why is there a thread about someone licking dripping peanut butter through a hole, I don't want that image in my head. Peanut butter is groce anyways.

[GuyJin]

Rub some dirt on it, you pu**y.

Oh, wait, wrong thread. Never mind...

Just smear peanut butter all over your face use the bagel as a towel.

[Fishman15]

It's happened again. Peanut butter has dripped through the hole in my bagel and onto my shirt. It's the 3rd time this month, and frankly I've had it which is why I'm reaching out here for help.

I know what you're gonna say: it's simple thermodynamics physics - peanut butter liberally applied to the inside of a heated bagel will always drip through the hole. You will tell me not to heat the bagel or worse, use a muffin. Well thanks, but first off, an unheated bagel is essentially a donut with no sugar and therefore disgusting. Secondly, I can't stand muffins. They are pathetic and annoying. I even hate the word "muffin".

So I'm desperate to overcome this devastating situation and open to any and all suggestions.

Thanks in advance.

You hate a toasted english muffin with peanut butter on it? Tell me this isn't true...please!

[Mark1T]

Chazzy, the praying apparently hasn't kicked in, yet.

You need to grab hold of yourself. Look yourself in the mirror - well, I don't know what comes next, but sleep on it.

[Mark1T]

This is why I never eat PB on a bagel and use cream cheese instead. I just can't get myself to stick my tongue in the hole.

No homo.

kimmie, come on. That was off-the-chart homo (but, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, tho)

Eeww..why is there a thread about someone licking dripping peanut butter through a hole, I don't want that image in my head. Peanut butter is groce anyways.

It's just a little late tryin' to make us think you're a little innocent girl, playah

[sumolgi]

It's happened again. Peanut butter has dripped through the hole in my bagel and onto my shirt. It's the 3rd time this month, and frankly I've had it which is why I'm reaching out here for help..

Open a topless bagel shop for the eating impaired

[Lou1se]

Should I rep your post or neg it?

It's a conundrum

[Sweetums6000]

This is why I never eat PB on a bagel and use cream cheese instead. I just can't get myself to stick my tongue in the hole.

No homo.

Can’t you get someone to lick it for you?

[Brackneyc]

This is why I never eat PB on a bagel and use cream cheese instead. I just can't get myself to stick my tongue in the hole.

No homo.

Bagels with cream cheese, peanut butter from a spoon.

I thought this was common knowledge.

[Fishman15]

Open a topless bagel shop for the eating impaired

No bagel, no bagel, no bagel....

[MajorTendonitis]

Came in expecting bench press issues , left disappointed

[crupiea]

I bought some bibs from amazon. Got sick of ruining my shirts. Works great in the car for morning coffee too. Ate some chili dogs in the car the other day. Yeah, chili dogs while driving are no longer a concern!! I dont care if I look stupid, I have pretty much perfected that look so the bib might actually be an improvement.

[Cantplankwell]

Step 1. Cut halved, toasted bagel in half into the letter “c”.

Step 2. Dip C into peanut butter.

Profit.

LOL....right into the jar?

[Mark1T]

Chazzy, your attitude is catching on, buddy

[PowersKenny]

I use Jelly, raspberry to be exact

[ChazWood]

Thanks to everyone for their prayers, support, and wholesome advice. Not so much for the sick twisted stuff. A few of you have some real issues.

Anyway, I gleaned over the tips and settled on the most logical solution - wearing a bib. Now I can lean back at my desk with my feet up, and eat my peanut butter dripping bagel with impunity. When the bagel's done, I lick the bib clean and stow it away in my drawer for use the following day.

This system worked flawlessly until today. I opened the cupboard only to discover that there was a single bagel remaining and it had the biggest freakin' hole I'd ever seen! (Grubman, dont even think about saying it...)

So even with the bib, there's no way I can use this bagel with peanut butter - I mean it's more hole than bagel, ffs!




Then it struck me like a bolt of lightning (or like that time I got sciatica) - a bagel egg sandwich just might work. Yada Yada Yada; behold:




I'm eating it now with my feet up while I type and it's delicious!

[MrNismo]

Although I do like the bib and filling the hole with your tongue ideas, I am surprised that no one mentioned just getting a carton of drain plugs from Dunkin Donuts

[ImBunky]

Make your own No Hole Bagels

http://www.grainmillwagon.com/no-hole-bagels/

[Mark1T]

Chazzy's Bagel




First Ever Photo of a Black Hole's Event Horizon



Coincidence? I think not. Chazzy is a genious.

Looks delicious..