Pretty...for a fat girl...

[LadyBekah]

"Pretty…for a fat girl" has been a phrase that has followed me my whole life. It's not always directly said, but the sentiment is often there; on dates, in the workplace, at family dinners, the reminder that I am beautiful for my weight class is often brought up. I'm sick and tired of hearing that qualifier. I want to be "pretty" with no qualifier needed. Below is a "cute" pic of me and an attempt at a "cute" full body shot (see pics at the bottom entitled "ew2" and "ew3".

All of the women in my immediate family are morbidly obese: my mom, my sister, and me (all well over 260lbs). We all try to keep up with the latest fashions (for plus sized women) and put effort into our looks, despite our size. We also are all quite confident and comfortable with the people we are. But I can tell you for a fact that deep down inside, we all wish we were strong enough to stick to a diet and improve our lives. Below is a pic of me with my mom and sister at my sister's wedding (I HATE THIS PICTURE OF MYSELF...it's entitled "ew").

I turned 30 last year (my mom turned 54), and at the end of the year, she needed to get knee replacement surgery. At only 54. It was a wakeup call to me that I need to get my life together and lose weight so I don't end up needing to replace body parts at that young of an age. As much as I identify with being fat and am comfortable with it, as much as I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes NOW, it doesn't mean I will always be this lucky. Now is the time to do it.

I went to Bangladesh in April 2019 to visit my boyfriend's family and his mother kept telling me that I am perfect…except for my gut; that I need to lose weight to be healthy, to fit into nice dresses she wants to buy me, and to bear children (when the time comes). She reminded me on the daily in the bluntest of ways that I am too fat - as only non-English speakers can do. I am confident she loves me and wants the best for me.

All of the above led me to deciding to not let my comfort of being fat control me.

Since May 4, I have been doing Strong Lifts 5x5 religiously and calculating my calories through my fitness pal (1650 cal goal). I will be taking my measurements once a month and weighing myself once a week. Some stats below:

May 4 Stats:
Weight: 137.6 kg / 303 lbs
Neck: 41.5 cm
Right Arm: 46.5 cm
Left Arm: 48.5 cm
Bust: 134.5 cm
Waist: 122 cm
Hips: 161.5 cm
Right Thigh: 84.5
Left Thigh: 85 cm

May 10 Weight: 135.6 kg/ 298.9 lbs

May 19 Weight: 134.6/ 296.7 lbs

May 26 Stats:
Weight: 132.6 kg/292.3 lbs
Neck: 40.5 cm
Right Arm: 50 cm (why did it go up?!)
Left Arm: 49.5 cm (why did it go up?!)
Bust: 132 cm
Waist: 119.5 cm
Hips: 154.5 cm
Right Thigh: 81 cm
Left Thigh: 80.5 cm

I injured my foot/ankle area (I suspect a tendon issue with incorrect form from squats with a bar) for a few weeks, but I continued going to the gym and working out what I could, so my squats aren't as heavy a weight as they should be, but I am currently at the below weights with my weight lifting:

Squats: 40 kg
OH Press (with barbell): 32.5 kg
Deadlift: 70 kg
Bench Press: 35 kg
Barbell Row: 35 kg

I am going to keep updating this journal for accountability, as well as to use for anything I need to get off my chest/challenges relating to weight loss/fat loss.

I am curious if the amount of weight lost at this stage is good, or if I should be expecting to lose weight faster/be more stringent with my diet. In previous diets I've done, I've lost weight more quickly, but have never been able to stick to it. Right now, I am really enjoying my food still and it's hardly feeling like a diet (which is probably why I'm wondering if I should be lowering my daily calorie goal, since it doesn't feel difficult). I'll look into this and see what shows up.

Also, as an aside (for myself): I lost about 5 kg/12 lbs from my visit to Bangladesh (I get incredibly ill every time I go there). My weight was 142.8 kg/315 lbs on April 9, 2019.

[MeadxHole]

You will lose a TON of weight with 1650 calories at 315.

As you can see, starting at 315 and you are off to a great start.

Just make sure you stay disciplined + consistent, don't be afraid to recalculate to a more sustainable caloric goal.

The higher the deficit you take, the harder it will be to stick with the diet. But some people can do it. Good luck.

[LadyBekah]

You will lose a TON of weight with 1650 calories at 315.

As you can see, starting at 315 and you are off to a great start.

Just make sure you stay disciplined + consistent, don't be afraid to recalculate to a more sustainable caloric goal.

The higher the deficit you take, the harder it will be to stick with the diet. But some people can do it. Good luck.

Hey! Thanks for the advice about the calories!

I honestly feel like right now I could maintain the diet I'm on indefinitely! It's delicious and easy (with meal prep)! The only thing I've totally cut out are sweets/desserts. Haven't had a single desserty baked good or ice cream since I've started working out - and haven't had any cravings for them. I am planning to have something like cake or icecream on my birthday in August, but till then, going to avoid all of that stuff.

Also, lately it's like I'm more addicted to feeling mentally in control of my life and feeling positive that I'm making the best choices I can. Its a high on it's own that I've never experienced before.

If the caloric deficit gets to be too much, I'll definitely consult with this forum! I'm sticking with it this time!

[zanisbar]

Great work,seriously great work.

Just an advise for future,as you go on this journey time will come where when sometimes you won't drop KGs or Lbs during your weekly weigh ins,my advise would be to weigh daily and keep record of that and obviously weigh at roughly same circumstance and take average of weeks,that way you can minimize water weigh noise.

and since you are a women who is under her 40s,compare your stats to week 1 of one month to week 1 of other subsequent month as menstrual cycle can wreck the scale readings even when you are successfully losing fat at your desired rate.

[LadyBekah]

Great work,seriously great work.

Just an advise for future,as you go on this journey time will come where when sometimes you won't drop KGs or Lbs during your weekly weigh ins,my advise would be to weigh daily and keep record of that and obviously weigh at roughly same circumstance and take average of weeks,that way you can minimize water weigh noise.

and since you are a women who is under her 40s,compare your stats to week 1 of one month to week 1 of other subsequent month as menstrual cycle can wreck the scale readings even when you are successfully losing fat at your desired rate.

Thanks for your encouragement, zanisbar! I didn't even think about the menstrual cycle bit and how that could play a role.

Also, it's a good idea that as weight loss slows, I weigh myself more regularly to find a good average. I hope I won't encounter that any time soon (I have a LONG way to go), but that is part of why I am also trying to take measurements. So that if one month I don't lose as much as I'd want, I can still recognize progress in the numbers going down on my measurements.

[MSKFAHIM]

Also, lately it's like I'm more addicted to feeling mentally in control of my life and feeling positive that I'm making the best choices I can. Its a high on it's own that I've never experienced before.

That's really good! It's the ones who feel that control over their destiny who go on to change it.

Congrats on the lifestyle change, picking up new skills and abilities (lifting), weight loss and the exercise of all that discipline.

And remember! There will be tough times when you'll feel like everything has conspired against you while you are feeling at your weakest. On days like that, never forget to bring out your inner-Pickle Rick!

[JayCutlerDaGOAT]

I am glad you decided to make a lifestyle change. The calorie deficit and dietary restrictions are difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first. I believe in you and I am excited to see where your weight loss journey takes you!

[zanisbar]

Thanks for your encouragement, zanisbar! I didn't even think about the menstrual cycle bit and how that could play a role.

Also, it's a good idea that as weight loss slows, I weigh myself more regularly to find a good average. I hope I won't encounter that any time soon (I have a LONG way to go), but that is part of why I am also trying to take measurements. So that if one month I don't lose as much as I'd want, I can still recognize progress in the numbers going down on my measurements.

happy to help,best of luck on your journey.

[LadyBekah]

Quick update:

Today was weigh day and I am down 1.1 kgs!

Currently weighing in at 131.5 kg (289.9 lbs). Still a very very long way to go on my weight loss/get fit journey, but I've lost 10.5 kgs so far and am feeling super pumped about that. I haven't been getting discouraged about my diet or tempted by food. Just staying strong and keeping my eyes on the prize!

Now deadlifting 75kgs and squatting 45 kgs. Squats have quickly become my most favourite exercise! I just feel so badass and strong when I do them.

Also got my hair done the other day. I am now officially a dirty blonde/caramel-haired chicka. It was my non-food reward for staying motivated. :P

I think my biggest challenge these days is that I am losing significant amounts of weight, but it's hardly noticeable. I can take measurements and see the scale, but I cannot see the change in my body/face/whatever yet. I know it's due to being so heavy, but I would just love to see it myself. A guy at work (who knows I've been going to the gym) has said he can see I've lost weight, but I suspect he is just being nice. I have had a few people come up to me and tell me I'm glowing or my skin is looking great, but no one has really noticed the weight loss. I'm curious to see at what stage the loss in weight is really noticeable.

[LadyBekah]

I am glad you decided to make a lifestyle change. The calorie deficit and dietary restrictions are difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first. I believe in you and I am excited to see where your weight loss journey takes you!

Thanks so much for the encouragement! I'm feeling very positive and powerful these days.

As for being in a deficit, it hasn't been too hard (for some reason). I think things have just "clicked" for me. I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying that...*fingers crossed*

[LadyBekah]

Feeling ravenous this morning for the first time since I started Strong Lifts 5x5. I literally want to eat everything in sight...I HAVEN'T, but I want to.

I worked out yesterday (and the weights are finally starting to feel heavy-ish at 50 kg in squats, 40 kg in bench and 40 kg in pendlay row) and ate a good amount of carbs last night for dinner.

Is this something that will be common/the norm on days after lifting? Have others noticed any sort of pattern like this, or is this just a strange one-off?

[JayCutlerDaGOAT]

During the week (Monday-Friday) my life is extremely structured. I wake up at 5am and my day isn't done until around 7pm (Gym and full-time job). Also, my diet is extremely strict. I only feel ravenous on the weekends when my life is unstructured and I'm not doing anything. I find that drinking black coffee works wonders and suppresses my appetite (and it is less than 5 calories per cup).

[LadyBekah]

Weighed in yesterday and am down 0.5 kgs from this past week (which means I now sit at 131 kgs - 288.8 lbs). I'm fairly certain it was more than that, but I had a HUGE dinner the night before I weighed in, so I'm imagining that took away from my loss being accurately captured by the scale.

While at the gym yesterday, I experienced something I'd never experienced before. I was squatting 52.5 kgs (not anything worth bragging about in the weightlifting community), but two women squatting beside me kept looking at the plates I was squatting in total awe. I'm not sure if they were surprised that a fatty like me could do those weights, or if the weights themselves looked like a lot to the women, but they were talking amongst themselves about how impressive it was and gave me a "thumbs up". It was definitely a boost to my confidence and made me feel powerful.

I'm still feeling very positive and motivated, and still haven't eaten any desserts or sweets since April! My plan is, once I'm done this three month cycle of Strong Lifts, I will eat ONE sweet (for my birthday), get right back to a dessert-less existence, and begin another Strong Lifts cycle.

[MSKFAHIM]

Congrats on the weight loss and strength gains!

Most people at commercial gyms avoid proper squatting with free weights. When it comes to women, they have this belief that simply touching free weights might turn them into Arnold over night. Good to see that you are not from that crowd.

Keeping on going strong with your diet, weight loss and of course, keep on lifting more and more until you can't possibly lift no more

[PTzFree]

First of all, congrats on the progress.

Second, congrats on not falling for the whole lie that you should just learn to love your body as if that is just how you are fated to look. You've proven you are capable of change - keep going.

Third, don't fall for the transformation timeline trap. This will take time. There is no magical round number on a calendar by which to gauge success. In other words, don't hit the cliché 90 or 120-day mark and think that if you haven't achieved your ideal body then it's just not meant to be. Don't hit six months or even a year and think, "well, I tried." If the scale is still moving, then it's still working. Even when you reach a plateau, your body is still making changes. I reached a point where my body weight wasn't really going down, but other measurements were still changing. I had reached a point where my body was finally getting rid of fat in harder to see places. Keep going!

Lastly, as someone else said, rapid weight loss at the beginning is normal, but as you become more fit, don't be afraid to adjust your calories to reflect a weekly loss of only about a pound per week. That is still a worthy goal and it's a more sustainable pace - especially as your activity level goes up and your body requires more energy.

Great work so far and good luck to you.

[JustTheDad]

Hi Bekah,

You aren't "pretty for a fat girl", you're pretty. It sounds like you're also on your way to a healthy weight, which is awesome!

You're already inspiring me to do better with my diet and exercise regimen, so I'm going to subscribe to your thread, admire your dedication and drive, and maybe chime in on occasion to offer any encouragement I can.

Thanks for sharing this.
Todd

[LadyBekah]

Hey everyone,

Thanks so much for the wise advice and encouragement!

MSKFahim- Thanks for always being so encouraging and understanding where I'm coming from. Your Fat Loss Journal is so detailed and inspirational and I'm enjoying following you on your journey! Congrats on squatting your body weight! That's incredible!

PTzFree - Your words were definitely JUST what I needed to hear! Last week I was feeling especially crummy because the scale wasn't moving as quickly as I felt it should. I'm still a newbie (only about 2 months info lifting/gymming), so I feel like the scale should be decreasing so much more. I keep telling myself that I am gaining muscle as well, but I wish there was some magical scale that could let me know "you have lost __ amount of fat and gained ___ amount of muscle". I am also taking my measurements once a month, so I can be sure to celebrate size difference when the scale may not be showing me what I want.

JustTheDad - Thank you for your words of encouragement and subscription! haha. Something has finally "clicked" in me, so dieting and working out is actually no bother to me. I'm lucky.

[LadyBekah]

SO...

Good news first: I am down 1 kg this week! Which is great! I ate out three times last week (but made good choices for each meal - no fast food), and was still able to lose 1 kg. I'm feeling really proud of myself for that, as I feel like I am gradually improving my relationship with food.

Con: I hurt my wrists. BOTH OF THEM! I am attributing it to holding the barbell incorrectly in my bench press (as I noticed my wrists started to hurt after bench and before my barbell row). I also suspect a BIT of carpal tunnel from my desk job. Either way, I have had to pause all of my Strong Lift lifts and just do squats for the last two work outs (today's and Sunday's) due to this. I don't want to further injure myself and do serious damage. In place of all of my lifts, I've been either doing some cardio (swimming) or using some machines.

I'm in good spirits, overall though, and am planning to be back at full capacity this Friday! I've inserted a pic of myself at the gym on Sunday. Still not sure if I can visually see much change between now and when I started the program, but I'm sure as I lose my fat, my muscles will become more exposed! Can't wait for that!

[PattyFit123]

Good for you Bekah! You can 100% see improvement in your body, so proud of you as it is not an easy thing to do!

And are you kidding me ?! 52.5 kg is a great weight to be squatting and you definitely deserve a thumbs up for that ) Keep on keeping on girl and putting in that good work.

I know swimming is fantastic cardio and one thing I found helped me shed some extra pounds is being active in my spare time. Instead of watching tv on a Saturday or going on my phone I started grabbing a friend and going for a walk, or taking a trip to the pool or beach to play around! Being active isn't just about the work you put in at the gym but also about the lifestyle you lead, and I think you're on track to having an amazing, healthy and active lifestyle )


More respect to you girl! Keep us posted <3

[SuzukiIryna]

Good luck!💕
Just one advise if you don't mind.
Don't go with your diet too far too strict.
Take it easy. The progress still be there. Your journey doesn't have to be painful.
Keep up with your journal!
Best regards!🌺

[whatevergirl]

I like your journal, here. It's very real, and great to see your progress. Keep up your great work!

[LadyBekah]

Weighed in yesterday and I am down 2.1 kgs from this past week! Psyched about the loss and I suspect it's because I stayed home from work two days this week (which broke up my weekday eating habits and led to me PROBABLY not taking in as many calories as usual). I am now 127.9 kgs / 282 lbs - and have had a net loss of 14.9 kgs / 33 lbs! WHOOP WHOOP!

Reporting on my monthly measurements:
Neck: 40.5 cm (same as last month)
Right Arm: 47.5 cm
Left Arm: 47.5
Bust: 133.5 (went up a cm?)
Waist: 117.5 cm
Hips: 153 cm
Right Thigh: 80 cm
Left Thigh: 79.5 cm

As for my StrongLifts 5x5 program, I am still loving it, but it's definitely getting harder now. I am fighting more and more for each set/rep and am HATING MY LIFE during bench press (I suspect I am going to have to de-load soon for it). I am still loving squats! They're getting tougher, but I still have more in the tank left for them. My biggest hurdle right now are deadlifts because my hands don't have a strong enough grip to keep the bar from breaking my hold. My hands are too small to do the hook grip, but I'm going to try out using chalk tomorrow to see if that'll help at all with slippage. Below are my current stats for it:

Squats: 67.5 kg
OH Press (with barbell): 28 kg - I had to de-load due to incorrect form, so I'm building that muscle back up)
Deadlift: 87.5 kg
Bench Press: 42.5 kg
Barbell Row: 42.5 kg

I've been swimming once a week as well for some added cardio (and fun) and am having a blast. Still avoiding doing cardio at the gym because it is so time intensive and boring AF, but I walk to and from work every day (and sometimes during my lunch) and with the added swimming, every little bit adds up.

Diet-wise, I've been eating the same thing every weekday for breakfast and lunch and then an exciting and different dinner. For breakfast, I have a pre-portioned amount of hummus (I add some chopped garlic and chilli flakes to the hummus) with carrots. For lunch, I have a spinach and romaine lettuce salad with roasted chicken breast, two hard boiled eggs, and light dressing and a weight watchers yogurt. Having the same meals during the weekday takes away from my previous food-obsession of thinking about foods I want to eat and when I will eat them. I am, however, LIVING for cooking different meals in the evenings and trying to find fun ways to incorporate as many veggies as possible into my dinners.

After two months, no one has really noticed any significant change to my body, but my mindset has changed. I FEEL like I'm thinner (mentally, not physically). Sometimes I'll look in the mirror and be surprised that I still look fat because in my head, I am this fit, gym person who eats well and exercises. I find the fact that I feel slim as kind of funny, and I realise under all of my body fat, I am turning into a seriously jacked babe. My boyfriend DID mention that when he put his arms around me the other day, he could feel that the mass he is holding is a bit smaller, so there's that!

Thanks to Patty, Iryna, and whatevergirl for the support and encouragement! I am really enjoying this healthy lifestyle and feel genuinely empowered by this change!

[PattyFit123]

Not gonna lie girl, I'm super excited to keep seeing your progress! Keep us posted as much as you can your story is super motivational.

About your comments on some measurements going up, one of the main causes of this could be (and probably is) your increased muscle mass! You have been lifting so much its awesome but that also means your muscles are developing and growing. The chest would most likely be caused by the bench presses, and arms by many of your exercises. If you do want a new strength move that also works (a little tiny bit of) cardio I would really recommend lunges! Weighted or not they're super awesome for strengthening your lower body, improving stability/balance and since its such an 'active' maneuver I find they can really get my heart pumping.

Good luck!

[SuzukiIryna]

Thanks to Patty, Iryna, and whatevergirl for the support and encouragement! I am really enjoying this healthy lifestyle and feel genuinely empowered by this change!

I am so glad for you! 🍒
I think that that's great idea you doing with your diet! Way to go! 🍒
Also, you may feel slim cause you've got more muscles and it's easier to move around now.
Looking forward to your next post!💕

[LadyBekah]

hey all,

Took a bit longer than usual to post on here - both because this website sucks (I'm SO tired of all of the error pages that pop up) AND because work has been crazy. Last week, I lost 0.4 kg (almost 1 lb). It's definitely not a great loss, but due to the bigger loss last week, I don't feel TOO crummy about it. I know this is a full lifestyle change and that no matter what the scale says, I won't stop the healthy choices I'm making now.

One extremely random thing I have been noticing lately is that it's easier to bend over and tie my shoelaces now. I know that is such a dumb thing to be aware of, but I remember feeling a lot more resistance (from my belly) before than I am experiencing now. I still don't feel like I aesthetically look any different (and my belly is still in the way of me properly bending all the way down to tie my shoes), but that is one thing I have realised FEELS different. I can't wait till my belly shrinks. I keep thinking about all of the different style choices I would make and cute outfits I would wear that I just can't pull off now with this body.

Squats felt brutal today (now squatting 77.5 kgs) and I couldn't complete bench press (only 43.5 kg). I wonder if part of that is because of me eating at a deficit (or also the fact that I'm not using my legs AT ALL when I bench). I'm going to get help re: my bench press form because I am only using my arms and have been failing substantially lately. I don't have any huge aspirations to bench big weights BUT I want to make sure that failing at developing muscles in bench press doesn't hurt my dead lift progress. I'm going to be trying out sumo dead lifts on Friday and will post a video of my form at some point to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I've watched a ton of videos about it and THINK I'm on the right track, but I'm going to seek confirmation from this forum once I get a video recorded.

On the topic of watching Youtube videos, something that has been annoying me a bit lately in my perusal of gym videos on youtube and fitness youtubers is their regular fat jokes/demeaning comments about fat people (often fat women in particular). I get that us fat women aren't everyone's cup of tea BUT I can't go back in time and NOT be fat. All I can do from now on is make good choices that lead to me not being fat. It's demoralising to hear rude comments and hate about fat people at the gym - WHERE ELSE SHOULD WE BE IF WE WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT? I've been looking for Youtubers who don't talk crap about fat people but are also super entertaining and give great advice. If anyone reading this has any great suggestions of Youtubers, please comment and let me know! I'd be happy to check them out.

[JustTheDad]

Hi Bekah,

I wouldn't worry too much about losing less weight this week. As you lose weight, each .1kg represents a slightly large percentage of your total body fat, and you'll also see some variation during your menstrual cycle. .4kg in a week is fantastic.

On the strength gains, at the start, a lot of your gains are neurological. Once you get past that stage, muscle mass building takes longer. Especially when you are running a calorie deficit, and we know you are because of the weight loss.

You're losing weight at a healthy rate and gaining strength and mobility. It's inspiring. I mean that. There have been a few times over the past few weeks when everyone else in my family was eating desert, or when I felt a little lazy on the rower, and I thought of this thread. Remembering how dedicated to a healthier lifestyle you've become helped me think, "I don't need the cookies", or "It's just 5 minutes more". So thanks

[LadyBekah]

Hi Bekah,

I wouldn't worry too much about losing less weight this week. As you lose weight, each .1kg represents a slightly large percentage of your total body fat, and you'll also see some variation during your menstrual cycle. .4kg in a week is fantastic.

On the strength gains, at the start, a lot of your gains are neurological. Once you get past that stage, muscle mass building takes longer. Especially when you are running a calorie deficit, and we know you are because of the weight loss.

You're losing weight at a healthy rate and gaining strength and mobility. It's inspiring. I mean that. There have been a few times over the past few weeks when everyone else in my family was eating desert, or when I felt a little lazy on the rower, and I thought of this thread. Remembering how dedicated to a healthier lifestyle you've become helped me think, "I don't need the cookies", or "It's just 5 minutes more". So thanks

This TOTALLY made my day! THANK YOU!

Thank you so much for making me feel part of something bigger. It's easy to feel like even these logs don't matter and like I'm just talking to myself.

Also, I don't need cookies either! I WANT cookies, but don't need them (right now). I've had enough of them in the past 30 yrs, I can go without them for a few more months. It's inspiring to hear you denying yourself foods while others around you partake. I'm lucky my bf is doing a caloric deficit with me, or I'd probably be whining a LOT more (lucky for him, he's not fat...just wants to lose a few pounds). We have NO junk food/sweets in the house which definitely helps my resolve! Keep at it! I'll be thinking of you while NOT eating cookies!

[MSKFAHIM]

Congrats on being so consistent. You've been doing this for about 3 months now and I don't see you ever complaining. The general trend is to start with enthusiasm levels over 9000 and then start complaining about things to the point that it all becomes very negative and at some point the person just gives into old behaviour patterns.

You seem different. It looks like you are more willing to work around the difficulties that come your way than to use them as excuses to go back to old habits/lifestyle. That's a sure sign of proper mental strength gains!

One extremely random thing I have been noticing lately is that it's easier to bend over and tie my shoelaces now. I know that is such a dumb thing to be aware of, but I remember feeling a lot more resistance (from my belly) before than I am experiencing now. I still don't feel like I aesthetically look any different (and my belly is still in the way of me properly bending all the way down to tie my shoes), but that is one thing I have realised FEELS different. I can't wait till my belly shrinks. I keep thinking about all of the different style choices I would make and cute outfits I would wear that I just can't pull off now with this body.

I think that's how it goes. We are meant to gradually progress and keep noticing the things we deprived ourselves of with the extra weight. For example, I get to sleep better with a smaller tummy now. It always used to make certain preferred sleeping positions put way too much pressure on my gut and cause discomfort. As my tummy shrinks more, it can only get more comfortable. We just need to keep doing what we are doing and things will keep changing for the better overall.

Squats felt brutal today (now squatting 77.5 kgs) and I couldn't complete bench press (only 43.5 kg). I wonder if part of that is because of me eating at a deficit (or also the fact that I'm not using my legs AT ALL when I bench). I'm going to get help re: my bench press form because I am only using my arms and have been failing substantially lately. I don't have any huge aspirations to bench big weights BUT I want to make sure that failing at developing muscles in bench press doesn't hurt my dead lift progress. I'm going to be trying out sumo dead lifts on Friday and will post a video of my form at some point to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I've watched a ton of videos about it and THINK I'm on the right track, but I'm going to seek confirmation from this forum once I get a video recorded.

Proper weight lifting involves proper technique. As a result, I believe it's both rational and sane for us to try to continually tune our technique to give us the best results. You may not care much for your benching strength but your lifting program includes it to ensure your strength and muscular system is well balanced. So it's worth it to make every rep of every workout count and not go to waste.

On the topic of watching Youtube videos, something that has been annoying me a bit lately in my perusal of gym videos on youtube and fitness youtubers is their regular fat jokes/demeaning comments about fat people (often fat women in particular). I get that us fat women aren't everyone's cup of tea BUT I can't go back in time and NOT be fat. All I can do from now on is make good choices that lead to me not being fat. It's demoralising to hear rude comments and hate about fat people at the gym - WHERE ELSE SHOULD WE BE IF WE WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT?

The problem we have no is that everyone gets a voice. In the past, many of these idiots would have had their bullsh*t contained within the confinement of their social circle. Nowadays, any idiot can start saying whatever they want and post it online in whatever form. In fact, saying stupid things can make you go viral/be more popular than saying intelligent things.

As much as I like the fitness/lifting world, I have to admit that it draws in a lot of superficial and insecure morons. They are the idiots who make the kind of remarks you are talking about disliking. Often times, they do these things purely out of some deeply seeded insecurity. They feel like their worth somehow goes up, at least relatively, if they can make others seem bad. Just ignore them! There's like 7 billion of us around. There's got to be a large number of idiots out there then.

I've been looking for Youtubers who don't talk crap about fat people but are also super entertaining and give great advice. If anyone reading this has any great suggestions of Youtubers, please comment and let me know! I'd be happy to check them out.

I'll leave links to some amazing YouTubers you might like. The number is not hierarchical or anything. Here we go:

Omar Isuf: https://www.youtube.com/user/OmarIsuf

First of all, he's Canadian. So I need not tell you that he's going to be very polite. He's well experienced and takes interest in a lot of different things (bodybuilding, powerlifting, olympic lifting,etc). As a result, you'll get good information about a wide range of subjects. Also, he often likes bringing in knowledgable people from different areas to talk about a lot of interesting aspects of lifting (recovery, biomechanics, nutrition, programming, etc).

Alan thrall: https://www.youtube.com/user/athrall7

This guy is both funny and brings quality information. He will not shy away from calling a spade a spade but he is NEVER a douche! Unlike the idiots you hate in this community, he will actually try to encourage good things and also show you how it's done. On top of his amazing strength, he also has long hair and a foot long beard. But that's only because he Trainz Untaaaaaeeymmmmmmdyaaaaa!

Mark Rippetoe / Starting Strength : https://www.youtube.com/user/AasgaardCo

This guy is probably the most strongly opinionated coach you will ever come across. He can be so strongly opinionated that he becomes unintentionally funny. Regardless, he always has interesting things to say about all the big compound movements that you are doing on your lifting program. He has good experience of both lifting and coaching a lot of average people like us and making them stronger.

I'll maybe come back and post more about other good channels. Meanwhile, just keep learning more everyday and keep working on your form forever. Haha!

[LadyBekah]

Hey Fahim,

Thanks so much for all of your excellent Youtube suggestions and sympathy towards my plight of listening to ignorant gym dudes on Youtube! I've watched a few of Omar Isuf and Alan Thrall at your recommendation and I AM SO GRATEFUL for your suggestions. Omar comes off as such a sweet and genuine guy and Alan is hilarious and super knowledgeable. I have subscribed to them and look forward to gaining info from their videos re: my form and strength training in general.

I've been reading your Fat Loss Log too and you are so motivational! It's great to see the videos and charts you post with your progress. Please keep updating it and feel free to continue to throw suggestions my way for more YouTubers or any general fitness knowledge you may choose to impart!

P.S.- The "you seem different" comment really touched me. Like, a lot. I don't want to go back to my old lifestyle AT ALL and am finally feeling in control of my life in a way I've never felt before. Not using food as a crutch has been a huge deal to me and it really resonated in me that you have noticed my "difference". Thank you for that.

[LadyBekah]

I went to the gym and then swimming today. I LOVE swimming days. I go with my bf and he always teases me because I'm so buoyant. I'm curious if I'll float less easily as I continue to lose weight and add density to my bones. Only time will tell. Anyway, I did about an hour and a half of swimming - most of that time were laps, but I definitely just floated around and relaxed a bit too. Swimming is my cardio on these days, so I try to be relatively disciplined with it.

I am down 0.8 kg (1.76 lbs) and am feeling MOSTLY satisfied, but also a but annoyed that the number isn't more substantial. Myfitnesspal tells me I should be losing 2 lbs a week the way I am eating, but my body is determined to make me lose it a bit slower. I'm not discouraged or anything, and I'll definitely keep sticking to my lifting and eating programs, but I still feel a bit complain-y.

Squatting and deadlifting 80 kg on Friday took a lot out of me and my body hadn't properly recovered by today's work out. I was able to do one set of 5 with the new weight (82.5kg), but when I went down on my second set, I felt a really sharp pain where my thigh meets my crotch. It hurt a bit on Friday, but was nowhere near as painful as it was today. I'm not sure if there is something I can do to help in the recovery of that. I wonder if it has something to do with opening my legs a bit wider on Friday from trying out sumo deadlifts. Either way, I'm going to baby myself a bit on my Tuesday workout and focus on perfect form and listening to my body for my warm up sets before I attempt the 82.5 again.

I also am finally engaging my legs and back in my bench press and it feels SO GOOD. I can't believe how I was doing it before. I'm gonna thank Fahim again for introducing me to Alan Thrall, as his step-by-step on proper form of a bench press seriously helped.

Making wholewheat spaghetti and meatballs tonight for dinner! Probably more excited than I should be, but I definitely deserved it today!