Matches have pretty much died ²

[Austin317]

As long as there aren't any legit red personality flags (not misc red flags), stick with one of them for a while and you may find those judgements melting away.

My personality is similar to yours, I used to judge extremely hard on any little thing. I suspect it's a mindset shared by many bodybuilders, we're self critical too. But like MediocreGains mentioned, you have to work on NOT doing that with real human relationships. Embrace the flawed and messy thing that is human relationships.

It's also very stressful to be constantly critical. The easiest thing to do is go with the flow, enjoy yourself, while maintaining boundaries.

Yeah I’ll keep everything in mind the next girl I meet up with, the main thing for me is I have a fixation on “not settling” for anything less than I’m worth and I don’t really know what that is so I just gauge it on “unless she ticks all the boxes and I think she’s good looking I’m not interested” then when one little box is left unticked I’m done, then several months later I realise I made a mistake. Some of these have been genuine nice women aswell that would’ve been great relationship material, it’s frustrating looking back on some things about how much of a dick I was and how I messed something up because of my own dumb attitude. I don’t think there’s anything specific I can do to change this except for tell myself I should be learning from my past mistakes of letting women go too soon over little things.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

You say he was "stunned". Is that negative, or neutral?

I could see myself laughing about that. I don't think it's an issue at all unless he's just standing by waiting for you impatiently. So if he is anti-social, your outings may become tedious for him. And a compromise might be necessary. Maybe you can limit your social conversations to a couple mins. Otherwise, he can learn to get involved and have fun with it.

I saw it as neutral. That’s why I stated to mama legz that I don’t think it was an issue with him.

Yeah, I asked him about that and he stated “would I have to go to all of your social outings?”

Obviously I told him just the important ones.

[Luc1fer]

I saw it as neutral. That’s why I stated to mama legz that I don’t think it was an issue with him.

Yeah, I asked him about that and he stated “would I have to go to all of your social outings?”

Obviously I told him just the important ones.

Just noticed your sig, you went from 360 > 172lbs?

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Just noticed your sig, you went from 360 > 172lbs?

Currently at 178. Kinda prefer my body at 180-190 due to my shape + height.

But yeaaaa a long road I had lol

[Mr Beer]

Currently at 178. Kinda prefer my body at 180-190 due to my shape + height.

Busty Amazon look?

Obligatory hnggggggh

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Busty Amazon look?

Obligatory hnggggggh

Lmaoo my favorite look. Still have my favorite body pic when I was low 200s because I hnnng’d at it myself lul

[HoustonMiscer]

Currently at 178.

same

[Mr Beer]

Lmaoo my favorite look. Still have my favorite body pic when I was low 200s because I hnnng’d at it myself lul

Getting flashbacks to Futurama's snu snu episode now.

[BlackScorpio91]

I have noticed I always attract the anti-social men lol the current guy I’m speaking to was stunned that I spent 20 minutes in the grocery store talking to a stranger about a bag of cheese lmao.

Don’t know how I feel about this. Maybe if he doesn’t get annoyed by me being chatty then we won’t have an issue.

I tend to attract both outgoing and shy/reserved chicks....more so on the outgoing side. Probably because I'm an ambivert.

Regardless I do like women who are socially calibrated (cringe at the PUA term) even if they are on the shy/reserved side (if they can't hold a conversation then it annoys me and I get turned off).

[DustinTheHuss]

She messaged you just to say “hey there was another guy. Just wanted to make sure we’re not on bad terms” and then blocked you? Sounds like she’ll be unblocking you whenever her and this guy hit a rocky patch or he’s gone away for the weekend. She sounds like a bit of a dik.

Yup. A dik. You know that they always keep exes on the back burner in case it doesn't work out, or if he's gone for the weekend. I mean I'm in the US and she's in Bosnia for work for a few months, so the gone away for the weekend wouldn't work in this case until she gets back to the states, and that would probably end.

I was in the same situation earlier this year when a girl from my high school blocked me randomly, and then unblocked me to say she had a new boyfriend and it didn't work out, so we kept talking as she was in a different state. Once they block you like that, you walk on eggshells worrying that they will do that again. It just doesn't work.

I'm really tired of the blocking, as I had another girl do that before. I've been blocked 3 times in the last 1.5 years, and rarely was before that. I'm never the one to end it, she always is.

I know I get too clingy with texts but it's like I can't help it. I get that dopamine high from each text so I'm working on doing other things to get that high instead, like I'm going whale watching today as part of an adventure group.

I did surfing lessons and went horseback riding on the beach before that. It's also a good way to meet new people IRL. I'll let you know how the whale watching goes and if I meet a new chick there.

Online dating is good for hookups as I'm getting a lot of smashes from it, but it's empty.

[Austin317]

Yup. A dik. You know that they always keep exes on the back burner in case it doesn't work out, or if he's gone for the weekend. I mean I'm in the US and she's in Bosnia for work for a few months, so the gone away for the weekend wouldn't work in this case until she gets back to the states, and that would probably end.

I was in the same situation earlier this year when a girl from my high school blocked me randomly, and then unblocked me to say she had a new boyfriend and it didn't work out, so we kept talking as she was in a different state. Once they block you like that, you walk on eggshells worrying that they will do that again. It just doesn't work.

I'm really tired of the blocking, as I had another girl do that before. I've been blocked 3 times in the last 1.5 years, and rarely was before that. I'm never the one to end it, she always is.

I know I get too clingy with texts but it's like I can't help it. I get that dopamine high from each text so I'm working on doing other things to get that high instead, like I'm going whale watching today as part of an adventure group.

I did surfing lessons and went horseback riding on the beach before that. It's also a good way to meet new people IRL. I'll let you know how the whale watching goes and if I meet a new chick there.

Online dating is good for hookups as I'm getting a lot of smashes from it, but it's empty.

Phuk her man do your own thing. If she pops up then just know that she’s only doing it because something else hasn’t worked out so don’t give her any satisfaction of thinking she has you.

I’ve never been blocked so I wouldn’t know anything about that. As said earlier in this thread I usually only last a date or so before I’ve had enough for whatever reason.

You’ve just got to learn not to get that high from texts. What I’ve found is it’s a comfort thing based on my own experience. If you’re insecure about what you have with a girl you only feel secure when you receive a text. I say this from experience. The only thing that helped me was making myself busy and when I say that I mean genuinely being busy. Not watching a movie and putting my phone down or going on the PlayStation to play a game in the meantime. I actually went out and did things that would require me to not be at my phone. If you do happen to start doing something and you find yourself enjoying it then continue to do it.

I go surfing myself and I can confirm it’s not a good way to meet people...not for me anyway as I’m concentrating more on not wiping out and dying rather than speaking to people. However when I was on tinder the most common sport oriented thing I seen on there was chicks with surfboards and paddleboards. Not sure if loads of chicks are just into surfing or maybe the area I live but it’s the most common thing I see in relation to sports/activities on dating sites.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Getting flashbacks to Futurama's snu snu episode now.

I tend to attract both outgoing and shy/reserved chicks....more so on the outgoing side. Probably because I'm an ambivert.

Regardless I do like women who are socially calibrated (cringe at the PUA term) even if they are on the shy/reserved side (if they can't hold a conversation then it annoys me and I get turned off).

I think I’ve only attracted maybe 3/8 outgoing men. So far only had one shy guy that couldn’t keep up with a conversation. I don’t mind carrying a conversation if a guy tries to respond accordingly. However, if he’s just gives me one answer to questions, or stays silent.. that’s when I just check out. I dislike feeling like I’m not entertaining someone lol

[BlackScorpio91]

I think I’ve only attracted maybe 3/8 outgoing men. So far only had one shy guy that couldn’t keep up with a conversation. I don’t mind carrying a conversation if a guy tries to respond accordingly. However, if he’s just gives me one answer to questions, or stays silent.. that’s when I just check out. I dislike feeling like I’m not entertaining someone lol

Oh I understand.

I'm usually a guy who dislikes engaging in small talk idgaf about but if it's something I care about then that's when I wouldn't mind talking about it and if the person is giving one word answers, I'm like "No thanks".

I'm not really talking about fuk buddies btw but just in general.

[Legz422]

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Oh I understand.

I'm usually a guy who dislikes engaging in small talk idgaf about but if it's something I care about then that's when I wouldn't mind talking about it and if the person is giving one word answers, I'm like "No thanks".

I'm not really talking about fuk buddies btw but just in general.

I get not caring about small talk about a topic you don’t care for. One worded answers are a pain and a quick way for me to just leave during the date lmaoo

same

#twinning alright I’m done being a basic white girl

[Mr Beer]

[img]//i.imgur.com/E6rFYP3.jpg[/img]

Still sad about dumping the FWB?

[Legz422]

Still sad about dumping the FWB?

Overwhelmingly sad today.

[Mr Beer]

Overwhelmingly sad today.

~virtual hugs~

[DustinTheHuss]

Agree 100%. Sorry that you are in pain, too. A long term FWB is a relationship, too.

Phuk her man do your own thing. If she pops up then just know that she’s only doing it because something else hasn’t worked out so don’t give her any satisfaction of thinking she has you.

I’ve never been blocked so I wouldn’t know anything about that. As said earlier in this thread I usually only last a date or so before I’ve had enough for whatever reason.

You’ve just got to learn not to get that high from texts. What I’ve found is it’s a comfort thing based on my own experience. If you’re insecure about what you have with a girl you only feel secure when you receive a text. I say this from experience. The only thing that helped me was making myself busy and when I say that I mean genuinely being busy. Not watching a movie and putting my phone down or going on the PlayStation to play a game in the meantime. I actually went out and did things that would require me to not be at my phone. If you do happen to start doing something and you find yourself enjoying it then continue to do it.

I go surfing myself and I can confirm it’s not a good way to meet people...not for me anyway as I’m concentrating more on not wiping out and dying rather than speaking to people. However when I was on tinder the most common sport oriented thing I seen on there was chicks with surfboards and paddleboards. Not sure if loads of chicks are just into surfing or maybe the area I live but it’s the most common thing I see in relation to sports/activities on dating sites.

Agree. Repped. I lose respect for someone who just blocks with no explanation before, and then re-blocks so I can be a backup plan. It still hurts as I get reminders, but having that last talk really helped.

The surfing lessons were a part of this adventure club I joined, where usually 15-20 people go out and take surfing lessons, today we went whale watching, 2 weeks ago horseback riding on the beach. It's a way to get out from online dating, meet new people and check things off your bucket list. Most of the women are a race that isn't my type, though, and is prevalent in this area. Maybe I should be more open. Good for you for surfing. I'm surprised so many chicks on Tinder were with surfboards. Paddleboards, yes, but surfing takes a lot of upper body strength.

I don't see many chicks where I surf, unless they're with a boyfriend who is helping them out.

There's a paddle boarding tour later in September that I may do.

[Luc1fer]

I really don't understand FWB.

How can you be intimate with someone and grow inevitable feelings for them, while knowing they might be (or probably are) being intimate with other people, plus will drop you if things get serious with anyone else.

It just seem like emotional torture.

[DustinTheHuss]

I can't quote today:

@Luc1fer: sometimes FWB work where there is age/distance/lifestyle issues. I have had many FWBs but with my FWB of 6 years I can't have a relationship with someone who isn't financially responsible: can't hold a job, no car, lives with parents. That's the problem when you go younger.


@spade:
That's a tough one if she's used to the lifestyle. You'll just have to talk to her about your budget and where you're at now in your life. She wants to help you make money in the future, so if that's the case, then you'll need to save now. You can't blow all of your money on her, even though it's tempting.

You want to have 5 kids total? Why not live and work near your current kids for now? Kids can have a tough time if you move on and have a family with someone else. Some on this forum have had their kids totally stop speaking to them for doing such a thing. Proceed with caution......

Be careful that based on her lifestyle that you don't lose a ton of money over a 10/10 woman. I know it's easy to do with someone who sounds perfect, but I remember in Apprentice Trump mentioned how much money he's spent on women/sex.

Otherwise the weekend sounds like a BIG success! I'd love to live that lifestyle.

I would wait longer than 3 months because it isn't enough time. You're in no rush as it's not like you have a biological clock. But maybe you are worried that another guy will lock her down?

Sex is a tough one as she doesn't have the experience you have. You'll need to work to see if you can be compatible there.

[MediocreGains]

1. She is mini-celebrity status. 45K instagram followers, pics with well known musicians/DJ's, produced music with big labels/artists, dated real celebrities (I named one, but there's others) etc...her lifestyle is a league or 3 above mine. She may think I make/have more money than I do. Besides looks factor (she said I could be a model, she's an 8/10+/-) I'm the hypergamous one in the relationship. She a typical Miami/NYC/LA socialite type. $100K Mercedes, Range Rovers, instagram videos of her shopping for handbags in hermes, etc...botoxed / plastic surgery...$1000 gucci sneakers...traveled everywhere on the planet, etc...

Here's the thing tho. She's a very down to earth, spiritual type. but I just don't know if she's gonna be surprised when she sees my house isnt 10,000 sf/and is in some way thinking I'm going to help support her with this lifestyle. In 3-5 years maybe. Now, no way in hell.

What was weird tho is I paid for everything minus a $6 thing of ice cream she bought. Dinners were like $150-200 each night. I'm cool with that once in a while but every night we go out - hell no. She's probably use to VIP treatment, guys buying everything, or thinks I make more money than I do so a $200 dinner is like $10 for me. How do I tell her "bish listen.... I did the chivalrous a) fly to Miami to meet you twice. b) I waited 3 dates smash. c) Took you out to nice reasturants being courteous/gentlemanly, I payed the tab... but starting now it's 50/50...

Go somewhere cheaper and pass her the check. I never did the 50/50 thing, but if she doesn't offer to pay at some point, it says something about her.

Here's what I'm unsure of. I have a facial kink. Maybe from too much pron. But she said it's degrading and doesn't like it. I said it's not. It's like her face is pretty so I want to cover it with baby batter. That may be a deal breaker for me... Am I insane?

Yes. But that's because I'm not into that at all. Hell, busting outside in general was always a matter of necessity and not something I wanted to do.

Sex was hot but shes not totally submissive. She likes me acting aggressive in a masculine way, but she also likes to be in control. Like she pushed me down to ride me, barks commands "phuck me" "come closer" "kiss me" etc...I'm very dominant and there was a power exchange dynamic. She's an alpha type boss woman IRL which I think is sexy, but I have to be dominant in bed (not in a rapey 'choke you slut' way...in a I need to be in full control way) or my dink will go soft.

I'm with you on this one. Unless I'm just dead tired and want to lie down, I have to be in control. I've only been with a few girls like that, and interestingly they were also among the hottest girls I've been with. Other then them looking hot naked, the sex just didn't do it for me at all. Needless to say, things ended very quickly with them.

If I can figure out how to get past these, I'm going to ask her to marry me in 3 months +/- if things continue on the same trajectory (yes 4 months is enough time to confirm you can live with and love a person)...

That sounds crazy to me. I think you're getting ahead of yourself.

[skinnyfat88]

However...

She told me anal is a deal breaker. Which im ok with bc it can get messy/gross (play stupid games...pull out with a brown dink surprise). I just like the idea of a woman being totally submissive to the point she let's me nut in her butt. Thats hot, but I can live without it.

Here's what I'm unsure of. I have a facial kink. Maybe from too much pron. But she said it's degrading and doesn't like it. I said it's not. It's like her face is pretty so I want to cover it with baby batter. That may be a deal breaker for me... Am I insane?

Sex was hot but shes not totally submissive. She likes me acting aggressive in a masculine way, but she also likes to be in control. Like she pushed me down to ride me, barks commands "phuck me" "come closer" "kiss me" etc...I'm very dominant and there was a power exchange dynamic. She's an alpha type boss woman IRL which I think is sexy, but I have to be dominant in bed (not in a rapey 'choke you slut' way...in a I need to be in full control way) or my dink will go soft.

Thoughts on 1 & 2 above? If I can figure out how to get past these, I'm going to ask her to marry me in 3 months +/- if things continue on the same trajectory (yes 4 months is enough time to confirm you can live with and love a person)...

Things can be a dealbreaker for one person and not another. Totally up to you.

The most obvious issue IMO would be the lifestyle she expects and/or splitting things 50/50.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

I really don't understand FWB.

How can you be intimate with someone and grow inevitable feelings for them, while knowing they might be (or probably are) being intimate with other people, plus will drop you if things get serious with anyone else.

It just seem like emotional torture.

Seems like torture and just unnecessary disrespect to yourself. Why be someone’s backup plan?

Maybe that’s just the way I see it.

[spadelexus]

Dafaq is this access denied bullchit not tryna piitb just wanna post in this farking forum.

[Luc1fer]

Seems like torture and just unnecessary disrespect to yourself. Why be someone’s backup plan?

Maybe that’s just the way I see it.

IDK, I really don't understand it. Unless you can disconnect emotionally, block it out, or legit don't care about the person having sex with someone else?

[MediocreGains]

IDK, I really don't understand it. Unless you can disconnect emotionally, block it out, or legit don't care about the person having sex with someone else?

It works fine, at least for one side (the male side usually), if you don't see the other person as relationship material for whatever reason and aren't that attached but the sex is good.

Most women just end up getting hurt or disappointed.

[Legz422]

I really don't understand FWB.

How can you be intimate with someone and grow inevitable feelings for them, while knowing they might be (or probably are) being intimate with other people, plus will drop you if things get serious with anyone else.

It just seem like emotional torture.

Well a typical FWB thing I couldn't do. I'm not into having sex with multiple people nor am I interested in someone I'm having sex with doing that. I say FWB because I don't really know what else to call him. It was basically a long distance relationship. We were sexually exclusive and discussed it ad nauseam as neither of us wanted to chance STDs. It was always understood that if either of us found someone we were interested in dating that we would be up front and honest about it and our thing would end. Would it suck big time? Sure. But neither one of us will ever move so it's inevitable. Plus even if we lived close and had a real relationship, that's not a guarantee we'd never break up. Either way you're taking a chance with your feelings.

[Mr Beer]

Spade, sounds like you need to pump the brakes on your feelings a bit, like this girl seems cool but you've known her for 2 minutes, it's a bit weird a guy of your age and experience is gushing like this.

Also, I know zero people in this kind of lifestyle so take this with a pinch of salt, but she's living a life that sounds pretty shallow and materialistic for someone who is so incredibly 'down to Earth'. If you think she might be taken aback because you're not rich enough, then maybe she's not quite as grounded as you think.

But yeah if she's as into you as you are into her, there's no reason this won't work out, maybe try to relax a bit more and go with it. How you've been is working so far right?

EDIT

Based on your checklist, you're more likely to get a girl who is too vanilla than otherwise. Sex stuff can probably be worked out over the medium term, yes you are insane if your otherwise perfect woman won't let you jizz in her face and that's a dealbreaker for you.

The celebrity / lifestyle stuff looks much more dodgy for a long term relationship from where I'm sitting but again I don't live like that and you may be much more comfortable with that kind of thing.

[MediocreGains]

Well a typical FWB thing I couldn't do. I'm not into having sex with multiple people nor am I interested in someone I'm having sex with doing that. I say FWB because I don't really know what else to call him. It was basically a long distance relationship. We were sexually exclusive and discussed it ad nauseam as neither of us wanted to chance STDs. It was always understood that if either of us found someone we were interested in dating that we would be up front and honest about it and our thing would end. Would it suck big time? Sure. But neither one of us will ever move so it's inevitable. Plus even if we lived close and had a real relationship, that's not a guarantee we'd never break up. Either way you're taking a chance with your feelings.

Yeah, I wouldn't really call that a FWB situation.