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  1. #7681
    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Plus not to mention it's going to be really hard to find an early 20's girl who wants to take on 3 young kids that aren't hers. I'd imagine even early 30's are going to balk at that.

    Spade, do any of these girls ask you why you don't see your kids? That would be hyuge red flag to me.
    Yeah it seems like his kids are pretty much out of the picture because they moved across the country iirc.

    Agreed it’s not a good look.
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  2. #7682
    Here's beer Mr Beer's Avatar
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    It's crazy because spade's children would make good wingmen for his preferred type.
    I will read and review 100 books this year: https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=176675491

    “Many religions now come before us with ingratiating smirks and outspread hands, like an unctuous merchant in a bazaar. They offer consolation and solidarity and uplift, competing as they do in a marketplace. But we have a right to remember how barbarically they behaved when they were strong and were making an offer that people could not refuse.”
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  3. #7683
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Yeah I think 5 years is a good age difference. My ex husband was 6 years older than me which worked fine too.

    Yes over 30 women will be more likely to accept larger age difference (or make other concessions) because they can’t afford to wait much longer.

    But if a 30 year old woman has the choice between two guys who are comparable looks wise and both make say $150k but one is 35 and one is 40. I bet the vast majority would pick the one closer to her own age.
    All else being equal, sure. But a slightly older man is still more likely to have his chit together and be ready to settle etc.

    It does depend on the guy though and how well he ages and matures. Misc has a warped view that most men age really well. They age better than women but most don’t age well either.

    Plus if a man ages without improving his confidence, maturity, or bank account, it gives him zero edge over younger versions.
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  4. #7684
    Boogeyman spadelexus's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FastBack6 View Post
    Of course they will. A 25-30 year old woman is equal to a 45 year old man on average in life experience and sexual mating value.

    Young women don’t like older men in only monetary benefit scenarios. That’s what society and females on here want you to believe. There’s tons of young hotties that just want a dude to keep them in line like her parents never did. Who’s more likely to do that without putting up with her ****? Older men.
    Yep. Women are attracted to qualities in a man that continue to grow and develop over time. Men are attracted mostly to a womans physical / reproductive qualities that deplete over time.

    Any man that keeps in shape, grows his net worth, builds his network, confidence, experience, maturity level, etc... can have even more value in sex/dating/marriage markets in his 30's than in his 20's. And if he keeps his looks/physique, well into his 40's he can go before he peaks.

    I probably have a couple years left before the 14 hr work day grind catches up to me, and the wrinkles start to hit, and I wont look 28-32 anymore.

    Originally Posted by DustinTheHuss View Post
    They have a 24 year age difference and she wouldn't be with him if he wasn't rich. I can't see one of the ladies ITT who is over 40 being with a 74 year old man.

    I don't know why you post 10,000 screen shots. Yes we know that the young girls like you. You're probably a Chad. But if you want someone to settle down with long-term, look for age 30+. It's pretty simple for you.
    I was asking how he would restart those convos.

    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Yes I think early thirties is a realistic target for you for marriage. At that age women are really looking to settle down and they want marriage and kids ASAP. So they will be willing to make some concessions to get that.

    Their first choice would likely be someone decently successful within 5 years or so of their own age. But if they can’t find that by the time they are thirty something then they will probably be willing to settle for a decently successful 10 year older guy who is offering marriage and kids ASAP.

    You can offer to be a good provider, you can offer marriage, and you can offer kids. So that will likely be worth the trade-off in age difference for them.
    Actually have been getting half way decent matches from mid twenties +. Agreed women become desperate at 30. I'm pretty selective and am lining up dates with late twenties women now. One is a corporate attorney. 7/10. So there's more to the equation than age for a large enough pool. There really isn't a big difference to me between 28 and 32. And the age range I'm targeting have careers/good jobs so they aren't going to be looking for a provider so to speak, but someone who can at least double their household income (on or above their income level).

    Having children I think is a bigger factor than age disparity. But again, it's stated clear on my profile, and enough women are matching me I'm not too concerned.

    If I was going to pitch provider status it would be to younger women (21-25) and/or women in a lower socioeconomic group. And I'm not targeting younger women for LTR.

    I think the top two drivers are genetics and socioeconomic status for all women (wether they admit to it or not). It's hard coded in their dna to pursue men with good genes, and a lot of resources. Since these men will give them and their children the best chance to survive and reproduce/continue the species. It's instinct. The 5-10yr age cap is more tied to looks, and baggage more tied to available resources (imo), which I seem to overcome so not really concerned about a woman thinking she's settling if I'm 12 years older than her...we all have an ideal and try to shoot as close to the target as possible.

    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Plus not to mention it's going to be really hard to find an early 20's girl who wants to take on 3 young kids that aren't hers. I'd imagine even early 30's are going to balk at that.
    I'm not targeting early 20's for LTR. It's not as much that they wouldn't take on 3 kids (which they wouldn't really be anyways) it's more that they are not ready to have kids of their own anytime soon.


    Spade, do any of these girls ask you why you don't see your kids? That would be hyuge red flag to me.
    Yes of course. As mentioned before I haven't given everybody on here the entire story, but I do give the women I date, and they are completely understanding. I do see my kids and will be seeing them a lot more frequently soon. I video chat with them just about every day, and give the young ones a bedtime story several days during the week. I've been teaching my eldest son basics of music production and bought him a DAW. Hes been getting really good, learning with me and on his own (moreso from on his own lol). I also taught him investing 101 in March / April. I posted itt saying I'd be going on a buying spree when the dow dipped below 20K. It did the following day and since I have made some decent money. Around that time is when I taught him the basics, and he has been learning more on his own. Just signed my daughter up for horse riding camp. Will be back over there next month to watch her ride a horse.

    My kids are a major part of my life. It's actually the exact opposite of what you think. Women see how I am with my children and are either afraid/jealous I won't give children I have with them the same love/attention or they think I'll be a great father to children I have with them.

    I don't share details of what's going on with my kids because quite frankly, this is not the forum, and there are weirdo's on the internet. I'm sure you can respect that.


    Originally Posted by Mr Beer View Post
    It's crazy because spade's children would make good wingmen for his preferred type.
    Whatever is going through your mind is not healthy. You should probably get checked out by a professional.


    -----------

    Anyways I'm going to be signing off. Have a busy rest of the summer. Know what needs to get done on the dating front. So thanks everybody who has put up with my tinder tales and offered advice. I really appreciate everyone's perspectives on my situation and the time you've all dedicated to listening to me, and helping, I'm very grateful. I wish you all the best.
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  5. #7685
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    I was clearing out my old email drafts and came across this email from my ex (most of you probably know who I'm referring to). A couple of things crossed my mind:

    1. When I initially read this a couple of years back, that last underlined sentence really gutted me. I had a response drafted, but never sent it because I was arguing that her last point was absurd and there was clearly romantic interest between us. But I stopped myself from pressing Send because I recognized I was being trapped, and just blocked her email addresses.

    2. Although I still think of her most days, I was able to read the email without getting upset. That seems like progress, but I need to maintain NC, maybe forever, since feelings still linger.



    I'm curious if others reading that email get the same sense of manipulation, intentional or not.
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  6. #7686
    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    I was clearing out my old email drafts and came across this email from my ex. A couple of things crossed my mind:

    1. When I initially read this a couple of years back, that last underlined sentence really gutted me. I had a response drafted, but never sent it because I was arguing that her last point was absurd and there was clearly romantic interest between us. But I stopped myself from pressing Send because I recognized I was being trapped, and just blocked her email addresses.

    2. Although I still think of her most days, I was able to read the email without getting upset. That seems like progress, but I need to maintain NC, maybe forever, since feelings still linger.

    Aw sorry

    Yeah she probably just threw that out there to hurt your feelings.

    But why did she say you were mean?

    Also do you ever consider getting back together if you still have feelings after all this time? Or are you 100% done.
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  7. #7687
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Aw sorry

    Yeah she probably just threw that out there to hurt your feelings.

    But why did she say you were mean?

    Also do you ever consider getting back together if you still have feelings after all this time? Or are you 100% done.
    It's very strange to me that you suggest getting back together, especially when you were in the circle of threads I created.

    It doesn't seem like a good idea to get back together, even if there were strong feelings.
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  8. #7688
    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    It's very strange to me that you suggest getting back together, especially when you were in the circle of threads I created.

    It doesn't seem like a good idea to get back together, even if there were strong feelings.
    Oh yeah I agree it’s not a good idea. She did not seem good for you and you had some really major doubts about the dynamic and instability. Even her e-mail refers to a bickering relationship which is bad by itself. But just wondering if you consider it sometimes when you miss her.

    During lockdown I was pretty impacted mentally by the isolation and actually started thinking thoughts like:

    Maybe it’s better to have a cheating husband than no husband because lots of men cheat anyway.

    Maybe it’s better to just accept addictions in a spouse because lots of people use drugs anyway.

    Maybe it’s not so bad if a spouse spends all your money because at least you’re married.

    Etc etc

    Pretty crazy thoughts but I think it was just the isolation getting to me.

    Also started regretting filing for divorce and thinking I should have just stayed separated instead of actually filing for a legal divorce.
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  9. #7689
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Oh yeah I agree it’s not a good idea. She did not seem good for you and you had some really major doubts about the dynamic and instability. Even her e-mail refers to a bickering relationship which is bad by itself. But just wondering if you consider it sometimes when you miss her.

    During lockdown I was pretty impacted mentally by the isolation and actually started thinking thoughts like:

    Maybe it’s better to have a cheating husband than no husband because lots of men cheat anyway.

    Maybe it’s better to just accept addictions in a spouse because lots of people use drugs anyway.

    Maybe it’s not so bad if a spouse spends all your money because at least you’re married.

    Etc etc

    Pretty crazy thoughts but I think it was just the isolation getting to me.

    Also started regretting filing for divorce and thinking I should have just stayed separated instead of actually filing for a legal divorce.
    No, I get what you're saying. I do consider it, but then I control my thoughts and replay some of the many bad episodes/behaviors in my head to remind myself it's better without her (overall). The overall part is important.

    I feel bad about it too and just try to think of other things, because I'm in a new relationship and it's disrespectful.

    The truth is I don't get the same highs, but I also don't get the same lows. My current gf and the last one were stable and reliable; they go through moods like any woman of course, but I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells and need to be primed for some bizarre out-of-the-blue behavior that ruins a good time for no reason.

    Even if it doesn't work out with my current gf, I do know that stability and reliability is more important long term, for both my own mental health and my childrens. And that might "cost" some of those emotional highs.
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  10. #7690
    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    No, I get what you're saying. I do consider it, but then I control my thoughts and replay some of the many bad episodes/behaviors in my head to remind myself it's better without her (overall). The overall part is important.

    I feel bad about it too and just try to think of other things, because I'm in a new relationship and it's disrespectful.

    The truth is I don't get the same highs, but I also don't get the same lows. My current gf and the last one were stable and reliable; they go through moods like any woman of course, but I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells and need to be primed for some bizarre out-of-the-blue behavior that ruins a good time for no reason.

    Even if it doesn't work out with my current gf, I do know that stability and reliability is more important long term, for both my own mental health and my childrens. And that might "cost" some of those emotional highs.
    Yeah that’s good that you can see that.

    That “walking on eggshells” feeling is a very distinct flag for an abusive or otherwise disordered dynamic. Healthy relationships don’t give that feeling. I had that feeling too around my ex but I never have it with my family and friends for example. Because they are just normal stable people.

    As to my ex I actually don’t miss the emotional highs. I genuinely prefer a stable calm dynamic like what I have with my fwb who has just the most basic stable normal normie personality and I love it.

    What I miss most is really not my ex as a person but just being married in general. I really loved being married and having that constant companionship and living together and that feeling of being a team working on your future together.

    And I think that’s a big part of why I haven’t been able to get over my divorce. A big part is just loneliness. So if I do get a new relationship maybe I’ll finally be able to let go.
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  11. #7691
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    Fuarkk just got back into tinder.
    Had a date lined up tommorow with this Asian girl with a great rack and got ghosted after she asked my height, 5”8 of piss
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    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by newbuck View Post
    Fuarkk just got back into tinder.
    Had a date lined up tommorow with this Asian girl with a great rack and got ghosted after she asked my height, 5”8 of piss
    If you want to date her for her rack you can’t blame her for wanting to date guys for their height!
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    If you want to date her for her rack you can’t blame her for wanting to date guys for their height!
    Lol what ? I only mentioned it because it's a rare thing to see and now I am dissapoint to miss it. If she had smaller boobs I still would of tried.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    I was clearing out my old email drafts and came across this email from my ex (most of you probably know who I'm referring to). A couple of things crossed my mind:

    1. When I initially read this a couple of years back, that last underlined sentence really gutted me. I had a response drafted, but never sent it because I was arguing that her last point was absurd and there was clearly romantic interest between us. But I stopped myself from pressing Send because I recognized I was being trapped, and just blocked her email addresses.

    2. Although I still think of her most days, I was able to read the email without getting upset. That seems like progress, but I need to maintain NC, maybe forever, since feelings still linger.



    I'm curious if others reading that email get the same sense of manipulation, intentional or not.
    Mmm I remember being 16 and trying to pulling this same manipulation tactics. Thankfully I was shown it was wrong. Yes, she was being manipulative in that email.
    ⋆100+ lbs down⋆ ✦5’10”✦


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    Originally Posted by newbuck View Post
    Fuarkk just got back into tinder.
    Had a date lined up tommorow with this Asian girl with a great rack and got ghosted after she asked my height, 5”8 of piss
    What’s with short girls ghosting short men? I don’t get it. The most hnnng man I’ve dated was 5’6 while I stood 4 inches taller than him lul
    ⋆100+ lbs down⋆ ✦5’10”✦


    〜(^∇^〜)HW 360lbs - CW 172lbs(〜^∇^)〜

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