Yeah I agree that 20 year old young guys are for casual dating and not srs long term. I am realistic about that.
That is the difference with Spade. He is not realistic about his options with 20 year old girls. Which are either short term/casual OR long term sugar/money.
He keeps running through 20 year olds and at the same time asks why he can’t find a good gf. Well it’s because of the huge age difference but he is in denial about it.
So he needs to either suck it up and pay money to lock down a 20 year old sugar baby OR date older. He can still date younger than his own age but just a smaller age difference if he wants anything genuine.
Don’t recall his exact age but I think early forties. So early thirties girls and up are probably more realistic for him for the srs relationship that he claims to want.
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Closed Thread
Results 7,621 to 7,650 of 9159
Thread: Matches have pretty much died ²
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07-10-2020, 08:14 PM #7621
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07-10-2020, 09:30 PM #7622
I think once women are 30+, they will seriously date men in 40's for a real LTR (not a sugar daddy situation).
I agree that what Spade describes is a sugar daddy situation, and not necessarily in the sense of giving them dollars (in the short term). Words like "mentorship" back this. It seems like he's playing this fatherly/mature type role, which is not a peer/parter role.𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖈𝕶, 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍
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07-10-2020, 09:32 PM #7623
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07-10-2020, 10:45 PM #7624
Fair enough, it's true da 'rona has changed everything. But if the restaurants are closed, I'm not sure breathing the same air with some rando is a good idea either.
Regardless of whether or not a pandemic is ongoing, I'm always amazed at people who would go to a random stranger's house for the first meet up. Similarly, I'd never invite a stranger to my house. Just about all of us have had experiences with crazy stalkers or known someone who has. No thx jefe. Much prefer a public space where you can bail if needed.
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07-10-2020, 10:55 PM #7625
Had a great date tonight and we're gonna give this exclusivity thing a try. I'm in a good place but part of me feels a little disconnected. Emotionally unavailable I guess is the term people use. Probably the byproduct of too much online dating and hearing horror stories. This girl has it all, complete package mind and body, so probably with time I'll be more into it. Just guarded for the time being.
Now I have to cancel first dates for Sunday and Wednesday. Normally I'd just fade, but since we have definite plans that would be a chitty thing to do. Should I just say, "I enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm seeing someone else and we're going to not see other people?" I can blame the virus too, that's at least part of it. One girl I've texted with a lot, too much actually, and I know she won't take it well. Better to just get it over with though.
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07-10-2020, 10:58 PM #7626
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07-10-2020, 10:59 PM #7627-SS is jealous of me crew-
-SS is my hater crew-
CremeFraicheBro is my love <3
⋆100+ lbs down⋆ ✦5’10”✦
〜(^∇^〜)HW 360lbs - CW 172lbs(〜^∇^)〜
Join the Boyos Discord;
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07-10-2020, 11:04 PM #7628
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07-10-2020, 11:15 PM #7629
Yeah I'm not disputing the "majority" of women have a max acceptable age range for sex, dates, marriage etc which is very likely 5 years older or so. I think it's more societal norms than individual but yeah 20 years is not generally accepted. 10 years is probably the cap. Speaking of girls in their 20's mostly. Nobody cares if a 50yo woman is dating a 70yo man. (See POTUS)
It's funny that you keep saying this stuff. The younger guys I've dated were seen with me in public. I've had plenty that took me out to dinner or drinks.
Not my experience. Have had real discussions with a 21yo girl I was seeing about how to handle issues she was having with her employer, laws surrounding them and legal action she could take (she was basically getting harassed). Same girl applied to like 5+ MBA programs, and we talked through her final choices she was undecided on. She eventually was accepted to HBS, where she's at now. Probably ate out 1x/week if that, went somewhere fancy once, mostly just went to her place after work, then to the gym together, ate dinner at her apartment, watched Netflix and banged for two months straight. She was on a little different wavelength though since she was real smart, but still relied on me for direction on things since her family lived in China, and she was only here for school.
Several other examples that come to mind - walking a girl through an insurance claim after she was in an accident, talked a different girl out of leasing a new car, into buying a CPO, was with a 19yo for a few dates a couple summers ago, had a talk and helped her come to the decision to join the national guard on my back deck (she helped her family a lot so didn't want to be away for extended periods), taught multiple girls how to do seated reverse flies, use an ab roller, etc... taught a girl who ran a yoga studio (she was 25?) social media marketing 101 basics, others explained the importance of positive self talk/keeping a positive mental attitude while going through mini "crisis" they'd have, by txt etc...
They ask questions. Are intrigued by things. Most eventually fade away after a few dates max but even after I stop seeing them some have randomly DM'd me asking for advice.
Tbh it's like that with many women, even older. Chit I just explained to my ex who was laid off from work due to COVID in April she should start selling masks on amazon and she'll make a phuckin fortune (she didn't tho). I walked her through the entire phuckin process from A-Z for an hour on the phone.
Just the younger ones are more clueless on things, don't have friends in their circle with real life experience, and sadly a subset dont have good relationships with their parents so legit need guidance in adulting, career paths, etc... Lmao at thinking they are trying to up their lifestyle. Girls freaking out bc she got hit by a phuckin car and doesn't know what to do/who to call.
Just reminded me last year I rewrote a cute 22yo blonde girls resume who hated her job. We saw each other 3-4x's, I'd uber her here. Order delivery, we'd have sex, and Id work on her resume while she searched indeed, I gave her ideas of different positions/industries she can work in with her experience. We got into a stupid argument one day and she blocked me on IG.. Never finished her resume but it was coming out solid as phuck.
Pretty sure she didn't let me take her anal cherry for chipotle, a resume revision and free wifi but could be wrong.
You are in denial about what these young girls are looking for in middle aged men.
Women of all ages are attracted to similar qualities in a man; masculinity, dominance, leadership, success, intelligence, confidence, etc... and most guys in college simply do not posses the full stack. This is one of the reasons a man can increase his value in his 30's (...and beyond) whereas men of all ages are attracted to similar qualities in a woman, instinctively - that are mainly physical - and tied to reproduction. Which is why women's value tanks at 30. Like taking a new car off the lot.
And like Legz I have gone out on actual dates at restaurants with young guys. They are fine with that.
You are in denial about the market for older women as well. Just because you are not attracted to older women doesn’t mean other men are not.
Therefore, while I agree with Legz it's not "normal" to see a 40yo man with a 20yo woman, it is more socially acceptable than seeing a 40yo woman with a 20yo man, for one reason and one reason alone. The 40yo man and 20yo woman have a better chance to reproduce, have a healthy child, and continue the human species.
It's really that simple.
Actually you made false accusations, so I corrected you. If you reread my posts I even complemented you and SS.
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07-10-2020, 11:34 PM #7630
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07-11-2020, 09:45 AM #7631
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07-11-2020, 09:56 AM #7632
Welp, today was the day I was going to ask grocery store guy out. Was absolutely determined not to chicken out. But guess what?! Just my luck, I didn't see him today. I walked around that store for 30 min going up and down the aisles and looking over at the department he works in with no luck. Ugh, I'm so mad. Every other Saturday I go in there he's right there, except today. :/
~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
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07-11-2020, 01:34 PM #7633
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07-11-2020, 02:07 PM #7634-SS is jealous of me crew-
-SS is my hater crew-
CremeFraicheBro is my love <3
⋆100+ lbs down⋆ ✦5’10”✦
〜(^∇^〜)HW 360lbs - CW 172lbs(〜^∇^)〜
Join the Boyos Discord;
https://discord.gg/P5jAXWfN4h
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07-11-2020, 02:10 PM #7635
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07-11-2020, 03:38 PM #7636
Bc it's hard to give a final thumbs down through 'just' the apps/txting, so I keep things open, until we meet (unless they say do something totally off putting). Like if a girl doesn't message/txt me back in 24hrs I assume she's not interested/or really busy. If I get a response in 26hrs she's basically back in it, but batting 9th in the lineup now. I'm a busy guy and not going to chase, so will reciprocate attention. I don't get any ego boost from it.
Actually invited a hinge girl from the city over pitching beach/waterfall/dinner date and she can stay in my guest room ....or we can meet for drinks half way. She asked to video chat first. 30yo ballerina. Will talk to her later today or tomorrow and see if there's a spark.
Also randomly matched a quality girl on tinder with "looking for love" in her bio. Wood breed her. 28, tall/thin long straight jet black hair, middle-eastern/Mediterranean looking. Was super direct with her about wanting an LTR/more kids, told her I'm divorced with 3 kids, and she gave me her insta, I followed/she followed back, I DM'd her earlier and haven't heard back yet so hope she replies.
This is odd. Post some of the conversations. If it keeps happening you're probably doing something off-putting. It's possible your photos are making you look like too much of a player. Although, if they're fading out after giving you their numbers then there's more at play.
28yo bumble girl. Tall/fit/>average looks. Trump supporter (like .01% of population here) so we hit it off on bumble and I pitch "let's continue the convo over drinks" she replied something like "great idea txt me 123-456-7890".
This was Thursday...
A normal person would think since she's in her 20's, there's a 14y age gap, and I told her what neighborhood I live in *she would automatically* be thinking dollar signs, so guess the sugar daddy competition is fierce out there...
(not srs)
That's a somewhat typical ghost. 1) Engage on dating app 2) number close 3) small talk 4) date pitch 5) ghost. Mind you it doesn't happen often, and when it does 9 times out of 10 it's with college girls I dtf/adventure pitch so is more expected. Girls I'm LTR positioning, it isn't as frequent.
Was going through hinge convos that died and realized I never got back to a bunch of women. When I first (re)downloaded the app in May I couldn't keep up with all the matches/convo's. Have since scaled back swiping to focus on 2-3 matches/convos on each app at a time.
How would.you restart these?
FwB has been isolating waiting for results since her sister got covid. Her test came back negative so will go to the beach with her tomorrow. Will need to have neighbor take pics in AM before she comes over, also have guys coming to do work on my house tomorrow. I want to build a Japanese Garden on the side of my house next to this big window in my sunroom. Then have the garden wrap around to the back of my house, side of my deck where I have a hot tub. Need to get the hot tub serviced. I turned it off when my kids were living here cuz liability, and don't think I weatherized it properly. Will be easy to pitch drinks/hot tub to tinder girls (if I wanted to), I always forget I have it so when I take girls outside on my deck it's like the first thing they notice.
I am dealing with it / not looking for pity. Just gets frustrating and lonely at times. But this is the life I chose.
And wasn't really bragging was more mogging Northside for appearing out of nowhere and bragging on a relationship help/online dating help forum/thread. He's a good guy just has bad taste in women imo.
What am I telling myself? That a mans SMV can be higher in his 30's (and continue into his 40's) than it was in his 20's and women for the most part is the exact opposite? I don't need to tell myself this, the market tells it to me every day.
And Im not living in an illusion where some 21yo tinder chick is going to be my next wife/baby momma. I learned that lesson already. My sweet spot has pretty much always been 26-32 in terms of match volume and quality, and that's the general age range I'm targeting for LTR. I know what needs to get done.
1. Improve profile
2. Reallocate tinder time to hinge/traditional sites
3. Stop taking detours
And I'm doing it.
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07-11-2020, 03:49 PM #7637
the i want to take you out line is gold, they jump back a little but then theyre interested because it shows confidence, straight to the point, no bullchit
Positive vibes crew
NYC crew
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07-11-2020, 04:31 PM #7638
Yeah, he's def not in the back smoking weed. lol
Yeah, could never do that! lol I might go tomorrow morning and see if he's there. I want to do this before my determination wanes.
Well, I don't really know how else to get this thing started. He definitely acts interested and has said he makes excuses to talk to me. A guy friend brought up a good point, that maybe he's not asking for my number/asking me out because it's his place of business and that could get weird. I also most likely won't see him at the gym since I only go on late Sunday afternoons now. Arghhh I was so mad this morning when I didn't see him.~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
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07-11-2020, 05:13 PM #7639
Seems to me this goes back to spreading yourself too thin. It also explains your texts below, which I'll get to. If you have that many conversations going on multiple apps, and you're busy in real life, you're not going to put in the focus you need to get the results you want. Assuming you have no trouble getting matches with the potential LTRs, I'd limit my conversations to five or six at a time on the app.
Actually invited a hinge girl from the city over pitching beach/waterfall/dinner date and she can stay in my guest room ....or we can meet for drinks half way. She asked to video chat first. 30yo ballerina. Will talk to her later today or tomorrow and see if there's a spark.
I'm having my neighbor come over tomorrow to take pics of me / me and him. Only social pics I have are with women, and yeah I have a shirtless beach pic I toggle on and off. Just seems like I get more matches with it.
28yo bumble girl. Tall/fit/>average looks. Trump supporter (like .01% of population here) so we hit it off on bumble and I pitch "let's continue the convo over drinks" she replied something like "great idea txt me 123-456-7890".
This was Thursday...
A normal person would think since she's in her 20's, there's a 14y age gap, and I told her what neighborhood I live in *she would automatically* be thinking dollar signs, so guess the sugar daddy competition is fierce out there...
That's a somewhat typical ghost. 1) Engage on dating app 2) number close 3) small talk 4) date pitch 5) ghost. Mind you it doesn't happen often, and when it does 9 times out of 10 it's with college girls I dtf/adventure pitch so is more expected. Girls I'm LTR positioning, it isn't as frequent.
Was going through hinge convos that died and realized I never got back to a bunch of women. When I first (re)downloaded the app in May I couldn't keep up with all the matches/convo's. Have since scaled back swiping to focus on 2-3 matches/convos on each app at a time.
How would.you restart these?
I wouldn't restart any of them. You need to focus your energy on girls who will engage. Now the conversation may have died out because you neglected them, but you don't want a girl who is going to put up with that anyway. You need someone with good self esteem and a lot to offer. Those girls will have moved on, as they should have.
So yeah, start fresh. I really dislike your opener. "I want to take you out". That's like one step above "Hello beautiful". Copy and paste, spam to 100x girls...that's how they see it. I usually do a compliment (NOT looks based, because they hear that chit constantly) specific to the woman, and include a question. For example, I recently opened with something like "That's a great photo of you at Rockefeller Center. Have you ever ice skated there?" It was relevant because we're in Southern California. Not a lot of people here would recognize the scene or know about the rink there in the winter. Travel is a great conversation starter. You can just guess, like if it's a beach photo, say, "Is that Cabo? I had such a blast there last year" or whatever. You get the idea. I also go for humor in the first or second message to keep it light.
You'll have more success if you make your initial comments specific to them, and you have to ask lots of questions. Women by and large love talking about themselves and from your texts I don't see you asking anything. It makes sense that the conversations would die out as a result. The other thing, which I think you know, is that it's really important to get their numbers and get off the app so you're not buried with all the other dudes. I usually try to do it within 10 messages / two days. Sometimes you really connect and it's easy, other times you may have to extend things because one of you is busy or whatever.
Once you've exchanged digits and chatted a little more, you'll find something you have in common. Then I go for the date, but I don't put it in the form of a question. I say we should go to xxx wine bar (which we already talked about both liking), or let's hit that beach we talked about last night. I'm not pushy but I don't ask, I just state it as fact. It seems to go better. In our society, men have been so emasculated -- and it's just getting worse -- so women really appreciate a guy who is respectful but still takes charge. It's a rare thing, maybe more here in CA with all the soy, so it definitely assists in standing out from the crowd.
Damn, that was a novel. A lot of this you probably already know, but hopefully it helps.
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07-11-2020, 05:20 PM #7640
^^^ thank you man. Had a response typed up and my screen refreshed and I lost it. Will reply soon
Awesome news.
I wouldn't close the door on them. I'd say "hey something came up. I'm really sorry but Im going to have to cancel." Then if they text asking to reschedule Id go NC or fade. Then if things fall apart with main girl I'd hit them first with a "hey" to put feelers out since they were furthest down the pipeline.
Re: Guarding your heart. That's exactly what I did when I first seperated. And it worked well for several years, I didn't get attached to anyone. Not one. Two problems with that looking back now.
1. By the time I was ready to fall back in love I was super vulnerable. I'm sure theres other reasons, but I think part of it is that I was fighting against falling in love for years after I separated, so I like surpressed the emotion or something, and now I'm ready to release it, I want to release it, but because I surpressed it, it built up over the years to a volcanic eruption so now I'm releasing it on the wrong women.
2. Since I was guarding my heart I missed opportunites with the right women. At least two that were marriage material left because I couldn't take it to the next level.
So my advice is - Don't guard your heart. Stay logical, but let things happen naturally.Last edited by spadelexus; 07-11-2020 at 05:53 PM.
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07-11-2020, 05:57 PM #7641
Thanks for the well wishes and the advice. I actually just went ahead this morning and was honest with them. Told them I enjoyed our chats and I wished them well. It actually went fine; they were gracious about it. When I get back on the scene, I'll want to start fresh. We'll see, I'm still operating under the assumption things with current girl could change at any moment without warning.
I'm definitely worried about getting hurt, but the truth is I'm not sure I've ever been in love. I thought I was at the time, but in hindsight not so sure...kinda ****ed up. Anyway, you're right about not guarding your heart. You can't really live unless you're willing to take some risks. It sucks that you feel as though you missed out on taking it to the next level with those two women, but at least you recognize it and have taken steps to prevent that from happening again.
Deleted Tinder and Bumble this morning. It felt really good to get rid of them. I was definitely addicted to the ego boost, the compliments and the new matches. Not healthy, good to be done with it.Last edited by HangingChad; 07-11-2020 at 06:08 PM.
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07-11-2020, 08:29 PM #7642
Thanks man. Yeah this is strategy stuff that I knew / used and have just got lazy with over the years. Great post and critique.
One of the main reasons I started posting itt this past winter was to get tips / pointers / see examples of how to use "nice guy game" which was what we use to call it in the sloth threads - really any approach that wasn't super direct/aggressive.
For 4+ years I created/and ran routines in volume, using copy pasta lines like "how does splitting a bottle of red then getting pinned against the wall and dominated sound?" Burning through hundreds of matches. So having to convert that game style, which was habit to the point I could run it in my sleep, has been a challenge.
The other challenge has been dropping the badboy vibe, which compliments the direct/aggressive game style and made it work. I've toned it down a lot, in pics, but haven't completely eliminated it.
Basically have to keep tweaking my vibe/game style now
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RE: ballerina
The initial pitch was just dinner and beach next day, couldn't remember if it was dinner/waterfall
...and she replied that she doesn't sleep over guys houses
I told her she'd have her own room/private bathroom so if that doesn't change anything then we should meet halfway
And yeah date ideas I usually state "let's go to... I'll take you to.. .we can meet at...etc ..." Where I place the question mark is typically on the day/time ... "How's Thursday night at 730?" Etc...bc that needs to be clearly confirmed by both parties, and can look inconsiderate if I haven't even met the girl and am planning her weekend for her. I've tried haha.
For whatever reason I got too comfortable with the Bumble girl so may have came across like I was asking for approval, but I was just being lazy. Also pitching a Friday night date on a Thursday - basic newbie errorb - that I probably told guys not to do 10×'s in the sloth threads.
Think I'm at a point in my dating life where Im giving far less phucks about how x,y,z is perceived, or I'm just so frustrated I'm being sloppy.
Yeah I was too young when I met my ex. Had no idea what love was. Because shes my children's mother I'll always love her like that, and don't regret it because she's an amazing mother, great woman, and we have 3 beautiful children. But I either didn't love her or fell out of love with her. So long ago it's hard to remember how I felt. Strong enough to put a ring on her and 3 babies in her belly. But I don't know either. It's weird.
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07-12-2020, 09:56 AM #7643
They have a 24 year age difference and she wouldn't be with him if he wasn't rich. I can't see one of the ladies ITT who is over 40 being with a 74 year old man.
I don't know why you post 10,000 screen shots. Yes we know that the young girls like you. You're probably a Chad. But if you want someone to settle down with long-term, look for age 30+. It's pretty simple for you.
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07-12-2020, 10:33 AM #7644
Of course they will. A 25-30 year old woman is equal to a 45 year old man on average in life experience and sexual mating value.
Young women don’t like older men in only monetary benefit scenarios. That’s what society and females on here want you to believe. There’s tons of young hotties that just want a dude to keep them in line like her parents never did. Who’s more likely to do that without putting up with her ****? Older men.
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07-12-2020, 12:22 PM #7645
Yes I think early thirties is a realistic target for you for marriage. At that age women are really looking to settle down and they want marriage and kids ASAP. So they will be willing to make some concessions to get that.
Their first choice would likely be someone decently successful within 5 years or so of their own age. But if they can’t find that by the time they are thirty something then they will probably be willing to settle for a decently successful 10 year older guy who is offering marriage and kids ASAP.
You can offer to be a good provider, you can offer marriage, and you can offer kids. So that will likely be worth the trade-off in age difference for them.
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07-12-2020, 02:52 PM #7646
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07-12-2020, 03:04 PM #7647
Plus not to mention it's going to be really hard to find an early 20's girl who wants to take on 3 young kids that aren't hers. I'd imagine even early 30's are going to balk at that.
Spade, do any of these girls ask you why you don't see your kids? That would be hyuge red flag to me.~ In a world where you can be anything, be kind ~
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07-12-2020, 03:40 PM #7648
Yeah I think 5 years is a good age difference. My ex husband was 6 years older than me which worked fine too.
Yes over 30 women will be more likely to accept larger age difference (or make other concessions) because they can’t afford to wait much longer.
But if a 30 year old woman has the choice between two guys who are comparable looks wise and both make say $150k but one is 35 and one is 40. I bet the vast majority would pick the one closer to her own age.
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07-12-2020, 03:42 PM #7649
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07-12-2020, 04:29 PM #7650
It's crazy because spade's children would make good wingmen for his preferred type.
"A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand."
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