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  1. #7651
    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kay4Kool View Post
    To be fair, it can work.

    But most guys that date older do it because it's easy. That's the major reason. And know it's short term.

    There's a plethora of others but let's not go to negative town.
    I don't go for young guys, so you're barking up the wrong alley. Of course a 20 year age difference is going to be short term.
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  2. #7652
    Koala T Kay4Kool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    I don't go for young guys, so you're barking up the wrong alley. Of course a 20 year age difference is going to be short term.
    Pretty sure you just said the "younger guys I've dated"

    Was speaking in general not at you anyway
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  3. #7653
    Registered Stacy Silencespeaks's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kay4Kool View Post
    Pretty sure you just said the "younger guys I've dated"

    Was speaking in general not at you anyway
    Yeah I agree that 20 year old young guys are for casual dating and not srs long term. I am realistic about that.

    That is the difference with Spade. He is not realistic about his options with 20 year old girls. Which are either short term/casual OR long term sugar/money.

    He keeps running through 20 year olds and at the same time asks why he can’t find a good gf. Well it’s because of the huge age difference but he is in denial about it.

    So he needs to either suck it up and pay money to lock down a 20 year old sugar baby OR date older. He can still date younger than his own age but just a smaller age difference if he wants anything genuine.

    Don’t recall his exact age but I think early forties. So early thirties girls and up are probably more realistic for him for the srs relationship that he claims to want.
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  4. #7654
    🅳🅰🆂 🅸🆃 Luc1fer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Don’t recall his exact age but I think early forties. So early thirties girls and up are probably more realistic for him for the srs relationship that he claims to want.
    I think once women are 30+, they will seriously date men in 40's for a real LTR (not a sugar daddy situation).

    I agree that what Spade describes is a sugar daddy situation, and not necessarily in the sense of giving them dollars (in the short term). Words like "mentorship" back this. It seems like he's playing this fatherly/mature type role, which is not a peer/parter role.
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  5. #7655
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    I think once women are 30+, they will seriously date men in 40's for a real LTR (not a sugar daddy situation).
    Yeah I think so too. Especially if they want marriage and kids. Which he claims to want too.
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    normally i'd say you are 100% correct.
    but this damn covid has things topsy turvey.

    i wouldn't even expect a woman to sleep with me now if she came over for dinner first date.

    i've had a few friends whose first dates were dinner at their place before restaurants opened.
    no sex.
    Fair enough, it's true da 'rona has changed everything. But if the restaurants are closed, I'm not sure breathing the same air with some rando is a good idea either.

    Regardless of whether or not a pandemic is ongoing, I'm always amazed at people who would go to a random stranger's house for the first meet up. Similarly, I'd never invite a stranger to my house. Just about all of us have had experiences with crazy stalkers or known someone who has. No thx jefe. Much prefer a public space where you can bail if needed.
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    Had a great date tonight and we're gonna give this exclusivity thing a try. I'm in a good place but part of me feels a little disconnected. Emotionally unavailable I guess is the term people use. Probably the byproduct of too much online dating and hearing horror stories. This girl has it all, complete package mind and body, so probably with time I'll be more into it. Just guarded for the time being.

    Now I have to cancel first dates for Sunday and Wednesday. Normally I'd just fade, but since we have definite plans that would be a chitty thing to do. Should I just say, "I enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm seeing someone else and we're going to not see other people?" I can blame the virus too, that's at least part of it. One girl I've texted with a lot, too much actually, and I know she won't take it well. Better to just get it over with though.
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  8. #7658
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    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    Had a great date tonight and we're gonna give this exclusivity thing a try. I'm in a good place but part of me feels a little disconnected. Emotionally unavailable I guess is the term people use. Probably the byproduct of too much online dating and hearing horror stories. This girl has it all, complete package mind and body, so probably with time I'll be more into it. Just guarded for the time being.

    Now I have to cancel first dates for Sunday and Wednesday. Normally I'd just fade, but since we have definite plans that would be a chitty thing to do. Should I just say, "I enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm seeing someone else and we're going to not see other people?" I can blame the virus too, that's at least part of it. One girl I've texted with a lot, too much actually, and I know she won't take it well. Better to just get it over with though.
    I’m getting Dustin the Huff vibes here but maybe it’s just me.
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  9. #7659
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    I’m getting Dustin the Huff vibes here but maybe it’s just me.
    Lmaoo maybe just a little

    But he just needs to be honest to the girls he lets down lol
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    I’m getting Dustin the Huff vibes here but maybe it’s just me.
    Who's that?
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  11. #7661
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Most women are interested in guys within 5 years of their age range. The statistics prove this. Most normal women are not interested in men 20 years older than them.
    Yeah I'm not disputing the "majority" of women have a max acceptable age range for sex, dates, marriage etc which is very likely 5 years older or so. I think it's more societal norms than individual but yeah 20 years is not generally accepted. 10 years is probably the cap. Speaking of girls in their 20's mostly. Nobody cares if a 50yo woman is dating a 70yo man. (See POTUS)

    It's funny that you keep saying this stuff. The younger guys I've dated were seen with me in public. I've had plenty that took me out to dinner or drinks.
    I'm not denying. Look not really into some weird competition about who can pull the younger hotter date, so you win.

    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    “Giving guidance” and “mentoring” are terms from the sugar daddy world. They are code words/euphemisms for money.

    No 20 year old girl cares about “guidance” and “mentoring” from an old guy unless she is looking for him to upgrade her lifestyle.
    Not my experience. Have had real discussions with a 21yo girl I was seeing about how to handle issues she was having with her employer, laws surrounding them and legal action she could take (she was basically getting harassed). Same girl applied to like 5+ MBA programs, and we talked through her final choices she was undecided on. She eventually was accepted to HBS, where she's at now. Probably ate out 1x/week if that, went somewhere fancy once, mostly just went to her place after work, then to the gym together, ate dinner at her apartment, watched Netflix and banged for two months straight. She was on a little different wavelength though since she was real smart, but still relied on me for direction on things since her family lived in China, and she was only here for school.

    Several other examples that come to mind - walking a girl through an insurance claim after she was in an accident, talked a different girl out of leasing a new car, into buying a CPO, was with a 19yo for a few dates a couple summers ago, had a talk and helped her come to the decision to join the national guard on my back deck (she helped her family a lot so didn't want to be away for extended periods), taught multiple girls how to do seated reverse flies, use an ab roller, etc... taught a girl who ran a yoga studio (she was 25?) social media marketing 101 basics, others explained the importance of positive self talk/keeping a positive mental attitude while going through mini "crisis" they'd have, by txt etc...

    They ask questions. Are intrigued by things. Most eventually fade away after a few dates max but even after I stop seeing them some have randomly DM'd me asking for advice.

    Tbh it's like that with many women, even older. Chit I just explained to my ex who was laid off from work due to COVID in April she should start selling masks on amazon and she'll make a phuckin fortune (she didn't tho). I walked her through the entire phuckin process from A-Z for an hour on the phone.

    Just the younger ones are more clueless on things, don't have friends in their circle with real life experience, and sadly a subset dont have good relationships with their parents so legit need guidance in adulting, career paths, etc... Lmao at thinking they are trying to up their lifestyle. Girls freaking out bc she got hit by a phuckin car and doesn't know what to do/who to call.

    Just reminded me last year I rewrote a cute 22yo blonde girls resume who hated her job. We saw each other 3-4x's, I'd uber her here. Order delivery, we'd have sex, and Id work on her resume while she searched indeed, I gave her ideas of different positions/industries she can work in with her experience. We got into a stupid argument one day and she blocked me on IG.. Never finished her resume but it was coming out solid as phuck.

    Pretty sure she didn't let me take her anal cherry for chipotle, a resume revision and free wifi but could be wrong.

    You are in denial about what these young girls are looking for in middle aged men.
    Dunno. Have had 21-24's legit fall for me clinger/stalker status. But the majority of college girls I hookup with don't want a lecture on the time value of money. They just want to get pounded till their legs shake uncontrollably and their eyes twitch like their having a seizure. Trust me when I tell you they ain't driving over an hour for a burger. Or maybe because I told them I'm dominate they thought it was a "code word" and were thinking I was going to "financially dominate" them and make them my cash whores. Yeah thats it...

    Women of all ages are attracted to similar qualities in a man; masculinity, dominance, leadership, success, intelligence, confidence, etc... and most guys in college simply do not posses the full stack. This is one of the reasons a man can increase his value in his 30's (...and beyond) whereas men of all ages are attracted to similar qualities in a woman, instinctively - that are mainly physical - and tied to reproduction. Which is why women's value tanks at 30. Like taking a new car off the lot.

    And like Legz I have gone out on actual dates at restaurants with young guys. They are fine with that.

    You are in denial about the market for older women as well. Just because you are not attracted to older women doesn’t mean other men are not.
    Again, not denying it happens. What Im saying is very simple. Men and women both have fertility clocks. A man's just happens to last longer. Humans are hardwired with a natural urge to continue our species - through reproduction. We have sex, first and foremost, because we want our species to survive.

    Therefore, while I agree with Legz it's not "normal" to see a 40yo man with a 20yo woman, it is more socially acceptable than seeing a 40yo woman with a 20yo man, for one reason and one reason alone. The 40yo man and 20yo woman have a better chance to reproduce, have a healthy child, and continue the human species.

    It's really that simple.


    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    All of this. InB4 he comes back with a bunch of insults when we've not insulted him in any way. Then tells us we're the ones who are salty.
    Actually you made false accusations, so I corrected you. If you reread my posts I even complemented you and SS.
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  12. #7662
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    Originally Posted by spadelexus View Post
    Yeah I'm not disputing the "majority" of women have a max acceptable age range for sex, dates, marriage etc which is very likely 5 years older or so. I think it's more societal norms than individual but yeah 20 years is not generally accepted. 10 years is probably the cap. Speaking of girls in their 20's mostly. Nobody cares if a 50yo woman is dating a 70yo man. (See POTUS)



    I'm not denying. Look not really into some weird competition about who can pull the younger hotter date, so you win.



    Not my experience. Have had real discussions with a 21yo girl I was seeing about how to handle issues she was having with her employer, laws surrounding them and legal action she could take (she was basically getting harassed). Same girl applied to like 5+ MBA programs, and we talked through her final choices she was undecided on. She eventually was accepted to HBS, where she's at now. Probably ate out 1x/week if that, went somewhere fancy once, mostly just went to her place after work, then to the gym together, ate dinner at her apartment, watched Netflix and banged for two months straight. She was on a little different wavelength though since she was real smart, but still relied on me for direction on things since her family lived in China, and she was only here for school.

    Several other examples that come to mind - walking a girl through an insurance claim after she was in an accident, talked a different girl out of leasing a new car, into buying a CPO, was with a 19yo for a few dates a couple summers ago, had a talk and helped her come to the decision to join the national guard on my back deck (she helped her family a lot so didn't want to be away for extended periods), taught multiple girls how to do seated reverse flies, use an ab roller, etc... taught a girl who ran a yoga studio (she was 25?) social media marketing 101 basics, others explained the importance of positive self talk/keeping a positive mental attitude while going through mini "crisis" they'd have, by txt etc...

    They ask questions. Are intrigued by things. Most eventually fade away after a few dates max but even after I stop seeing them some have randomly DM'd me asking for advice.

    Tbh it's like that with many women, even older. Chit I just explained to my ex who was laid off from work due to COVID in April she should start selling masks on amazon and she'll make a phuckin fortune (she didn't tho). I walked her through the entire phuckin process from A-Z for an hour on the phone.

    Just the younger ones are more clueless on things, don't have friends in their circle with real life experience, and sadly a subset dont have good relationships with their parents so legit need guidance in adulting, career paths, etc... Lmao at thinking they are trying to up their lifestyle. Girls freaking out bc she got hit by a phuckin car and doesn't know what to do/who to call.

    Just reminded me last year I rewrote a cute 22yo blonde girls resume who hated her job. We saw each other 3-4x's, I'd uber her here. Order delivery, we'd have sex, and Id work on her resume while she searched indeed, I gave her ideas of different positions/industries she can work in with her experience. We got into a stupid argument one day and she blocked me on IG.. Never finished her resume but it was coming out solid as phuck.

    Pretty sure she didn't let me take her anal cherry for chipotle, a resume revision and free wifi but could be wrong.



    Dunno. Have had 21-24's legit fall for me clinger/stalker status. But the majority of college girls I hookup with don't want a lecture on the time value of money. They just want to get pounded till their legs shake uncontrollably and their eyes twitch like their having a seizure. Trust me when I tell you they ain't driving over an hour for a burger. Or maybe because I told them I'm dominate they thought it was a "code word" and were thinking I was going to "financially dominate" them and make them my cash whores. Yeah thats it...

    Women of all ages are attracted to similar qualities in a man; masculinity, dominance, leadership, success, intelligence, confidence, etc... and most guys in college simply do not posses the full stack. This is one of the reasons a man can increase his value in his 30's (...and beyond) whereas men of all ages are attracted to similar qualities in a woman, instinctively - that are mainly physical - and tied to reproduction. Which is why women's value tanks at 30. Like taking a new car off the lot.



    Again, not denying it happens. What Im saying is very simple. Men and women both have fertility clocks. A man's just happens to last longer. Humans are hardwired with a natural urge to continue our species - through reproduction. We have sex, first and foremost, because we want our species to survive.

    Therefore, while I agree with Legz it's not "normal" to see a 40yo man with a 20yo woman, it is more socially acceptable than seeing a 40yo woman with a 20yo man, for one reason and one reason alone. The 40yo man and 20yo woman have a better chance to reproduce, have a healthy child, and continue the human species.

    It's really that simple.




    Actually you made false accusations, so I corrected you. If you reread my posts I even complemented you and SS.
    Well whatever you want to tell yourself.

    You are the one complaining that you can’t get a good gf.

    And we are telling you why.
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    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kay4Kool View Post
    Pretty sure you just said the "younger guys I've dated"

    Was speaking in general not at you anyway
    Oh, yeah, that was 5 years ago. I don't go for that much younger anymore.
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    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    Welp, today was the day I was going to ask grocery store guy out. Was absolutely determined not to chicken out. But guess what?! Just my luck, I didn't see him today. I walked around that store for 30 min going up and down the aisles and looking over at the department he works in with no luck. Ugh, I'm so mad. Every other Saturday I go in there he's right there, except today. :/
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Welp, today was the day I was going to ask grocery store guy out. Was absolutely determined not to chicken out. But guess what?! Just my luck, I didn't see him today. I walked around that store for 30 min going up and down the aisles and looking over at the department he works in with no luck. Ugh, I'm so mad. Every other Saturday I go in there he's right there, except today. :/


    could imagine u hustlin through every isle looking for my boy and he was probably in the back smoking weed
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Welp, today was the day I was going to ask grocery store guy out. Was absolutely determined not to chicken out. But guess what?! Just my luck, I didn't see him today. I walked around that store for 30 min going up and down the aisles and looking over at the department he works in with no luck. Ugh, I'm so mad. Every other Saturday I go in there he's right there, except today. :/
    Lol it’s okay mama legz. I’ve been through this before. I’ve actually went up to the manager and told him which worker to give my # too. The puzzle looked I got lmaoo
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Welp, today was the day I was going to ask grocery store guy out. Was absolutely determined not to chicken out. But guess what?! Just my luck, I didn't see him today. I walked around that store for 30 min going up and down the aisles and looking over at the department he works in with no luck. Ugh, I'm so mad. Every other Saturday I go in there he's right there, except today. :/
    Aw that sucks.

    Idk about asking a guy out though. Would rather just try to talk to him and maybe give my number but not actually ask him out. And then wait to see if he does.
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    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    If you're not super interested then you're wasting your time. Why bother? Maybe you get an ego boost but doesn't seem worth it. I hear you on distance. I'm not in a major city but only do a fifteen mile radius; anything farther isn't worth it.
    Bc it's hard to give a final thumbs down through 'just' the apps/txting, so I keep things open, until we meet (unless they say do something totally off putting). Like if a girl doesn't message/txt me back in 24hrs I assume she's not interested/or really busy. If I get a response in 26hrs she's basically back in it, but batting 9th in the lineup now. I'm a busy guy and not going to chase, so will reciprocate attention. I don't get any ego boost from it.

    Actually invited a hinge girl from the city over pitching beach/waterfall/dinner date and she can stay in my guest room ....or we can meet for drinks half way. She asked to video chat first. 30yo ballerina. Will talk to her later today or tomorrow and see if there's a spark.

    Also randomly matched a quality girl on tinder with "looking for love" in her bio. Wood breed her. 28, tall/thin long straight jet black hair, middle-eastern/Mediterranean looking. Was super direct with her about wanting an LTR/more kids, told her I'm divorced with 3 kids, and she gave me her insta, I followed/she followed back, I DM'd her earlier and haven't heard back yet so hope she replies.


    This is odd. Post some of the conversations. If it keeps happening you're probably doing something off-putting. It's possible your photos are making you look like too much of a player. Although, if they're fading out after giving you their numbers then there's more at play.
    I'm having my neighbor come over tomorrow to take pics of me / me and him. Only social pics I have are with women, and yeah I have a shirtless beach pic I toggle on and off. Just seems like I get more matches with it.

    28yo bumble girl. Tall/fit/>average looks. Trump supporter (like .01% of population here) so we hit it off on bumble and I pitch "let's continue the convo over drinks" she replied something like "great idea txt me 123-456-7890".

    This was Thursday...


    A normal person would think since she's in her 20's, there's a 14y age gap, and I told her what neighborhood I live in *she would automatically* be thinking dollar signs, so guess the sugar daddy competition is fierce out there...


    (not srs)


    That's a somewhat typical ghost. 1) Engage on dating app 2) number close 3) small talk 4) date pitch 5) ghost. Mind you it doesn't happen often, and when it does 9 times out of 10 it's with college girls I dtf/adventure pitch so is more expected. Girls I'm LTR positioning, it isn't as frequent.

    Was going through hinge convos that died and realized I never got back to a bunch of women. When I first (re)downloaded the app in May I couldn't keep up with all the matches/convo's. Have since scaled back swiping to focus on 2-3 matches/convos on each app at a time.

    How would.you restart these?





    FwB has been isolating waiting for results since her sister got covid. Her test came back negative so will go to the beach with her tomorrow. Will need to have neighbor take pics in AM before she comes over, also have guys coming to do work on my house tomorrow. I want to build a Japanese Garden on the side of my house next to this big window in my sunroom. Then have the garden wrap around to the back of my house, side of my deck where I have a hot tub. Need to get the hot tub serviced. I turned it off when my kids were living here cuz liability, and don't think I weatherized it properly. Will be easy to pitch drinks/hot tub to tinder girls (if I wanted to), I always forget I have it so when I take girls outside on my deck it's like the first thing they notice.

    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    you know what?
    deal with it.

    also, nobody likes a bragger.
    however, it isn't bragging if you can do it.
    I WANT to hate you but fuk, I just can't.
    GOOD FOR YOU!

    I am dealing with it / not looking for pity. Just gets frustrating and lonely at times. But this is the life I chose.

    And wasn't really bragging was more mogging Northside for appearing out of nowhere and bragging on a relationship help/online dating help forum/thread. He's a good guy just has bad taste in women imo.

    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Well whatever you want to tell yourself.

    You are the one complaining that you can’t get a good gf.

    And we are telling you why.
    What am I telling myself? That a mans SMV can be higher in his 30's (and continue into his 40's) than it was in his 20's and women for the most part is the exact opposite? I don't need to tell myself this, the market tells it to me every day.

    And Im not living in an illusion where some 21yo tinder chick is going to be my next wife/baby momma. I learned that lesson already. My sweet spot has pretty much always been 26-32 in terms of match volume and quality, and that's the general age range I'm targeting for LTR. I know what needs to get done.

    1. Improve profile
    2. Reallocate tinder time to hinge/traditional sites
    3. Stop taking detours

    And I'm doing it.
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    the i want to take you out line is gold, they jump back a little but then theyre interested because it shows confidence, straight to the point, no bullchit
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    Originally Posted by spazzin View Post

    could imagine u hustlin through every isle looking for my boy and he was probably in the back smoking weed
    Yeah, he's def not in the back smoking weed. lol

    Originally Posted by FemaleWarriorxo View Post
    Lol it’s okay mama legz. I’ve been through this before. I’ve actually went up to the manager and told him which worker to give my # too. The puzzle looked I got lmaoo
    Yeah, could never do that! lol I might go tomorrow morning and see if he's there. I want to do this before my determination wanes.

    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Aw that sucks.

    Idk about asking a guy out though. Would rather just try to talk to him and maybe give my number but not actually ask him out. And then wait to see if he does.
    Well, I don't really know how else to get this thing started. He definitely acts interested and has said he makes excuses to talk to me. A guy friend brought up a good point, that maybe he's not asking for my number/asking me out because it's his place of business and that could get weird. I also most likely won't see him at the gym since I only go on late Sunday afternoons now. Arghhh I was so mad this morning when I didn't see him.
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    Originally Posted by spadelexus View Post
    Bc it's hard to give a final thumbs down through 'just' the apps/txting, so I keep things open, until we meet (unless they say do something totally off putting). Like if a girl doesn't message/txt me back in 24hrs I assume she's not interested/or really busy. If I get a response in 26hrs she's basically back in it, but batting 9th in the lineup now. I'm a busy guy and not going to chase, so will reciprocate attention. I don't get any ego boost from it.
    Seems to me this goes back to spreading yourself too thin. It also explains your texts below, which I'll get to. If you have that many conversations going on multiple apps, and you're busy in real life, you're not going to put in the focus you need to get the results you want. Assuming you have no trouble getting matches with the potential LTRs, I'd limit my conversations to five or six at a time on the app.

    Actually invited a hinge girl from the city over pitching beach/waterfall/dinner date and she can stay in my guest room ....or we can meet for drinks half way. She asked to video chat first. 30yo ballerina. Will talk to her later today or tomorrow and see if there's a spark.
    Beach AND waterfall AND dinner AND possible overnight all for the first date? Or are those choices you're giving her? If it's "and", it's way too much for a first date but of course as things go well you can extend. A lot of pressure on her and it seems like you're trying too hard. If it's choices, I always have far more success telling the woman what we're going to do. You're basically overwhelming them with choices plus the option to meet halfway for drinks. I've often been thanked for making the decisions and plans. They're fine with you doing this if you take the time to listen to what they like and respect their preferences.

    I'm having my neighbor come over tomorrow to take pics of me / me and him. Only social pics I have are with women, and yeah I have a shirtless beach pic I toggle on and off. Just seems like I get more matches with it.
    Am I understanding correctly that most of your profile photos are you with women? That's a big red flag to many women looking for something serious. One photo with women is maybe ok but it would depend on context. It's questionable. You can have photos just of yourself that are still obvious social situations (I have one of me playing soccer, for example, but I'm the only one in it). Shirtless at the beach sounds perfect, I'd keep that. Glad you're getting a friend to help. You may also want to buy a tripod that can hold a phone.

    28yo bumble girl. Tall/fit/>average looks. Trump supporter (like .01% of population here) so we hit it off on bumble and I pitch "let's continue the convo over drinks" she replied something like "great idea txt me 123-456-7890".

    This was Thursday...


    A normal person would think since she's in her 20's, there's a 14y age gap, and I told her what neighborhood I live in *she would automatically* be thinking dollar signs, so guess the sugar daddy competition is fierce out there...

    That's a somewhat typical ghost. 1) Engage on dating app 2) number close 3) small talk 4) date pitch 5) ghost. Mind you it doesn't happen often, and when it does 9 times out of 10 it's with college girls I dtf/adventure pitch so is more expected. Girls I'm LTR positioning, it isn't as frequent.
    A few things. Not sure if she was LTR potential, but asking a girl out on Thursday night for Friday night is just setting yourself up for failure. Most people already have plans by that point, and you looking like you either don't have plans or will drop everything to meet on one of the biggest nights of the week doesn't strike me as a great strategy. I usually do first dates with these women on weekday evenings or weekend afternoons. I don't do the Fri / Sat night + dinner thing until we have a connection IRL and I know she's worth it.

    Was going through hinge convos that died and realized I never got back to a bunch of women. When I first (re)downloaded the app in May I couldn't keep up with all the matches/convo's. Have since scaled back swiping to focus on 2-3 matches/convos on each app at a time.

    How would.you restart these?
    OK, so you have been focusing on 2-3 convos at a time. That's good.

    I wouldn't restart any of them. You need to focus your energy on girls who will engage. Now the conversation may have died out because you neglected them, but you don't want a girl who is going to put up with that anyway. You need someone with good self esteem and a lot to offer. Those girls will have moved on, as they should have.

    So yeah, start fresh. I really dislike your opener. "I want to take you out". That's like one step above "Hello beautiful". Copy and paste, spam to 100x girls...that's how they see it. I usually do a compliment (NOT looks based, because they hear that chit constantly) specific to the woman, and include a question. For example, I recently opened with something like "That's a great photo of you at Rockefeller Center. Have you ever ice skated there?" It was relevant because we're in Southern California. Not a lot of people here would recognize the scene or know about the rink there in the winter. Travel is a great conversation starter. You can just guess, like if it's a beach photo, say, "Is that Cabo? I had such a blast there last year" or whatever. You get the idea. I also go for humor in the first or second message to keep it light.

    You'll have more success if you make your initial comments specific to them, and you have to ask lots of questions. Women by and large love talking about themselves and from your texts I don't see you asking anything. It makes sense that the conversations would die out as a result. The other thing, which I think you know, is that it's really important to get their numbers and get off the app so you're not buried with all the other dudes. I usually try to do it within 10 messages / two days. Sometimes you really connect and it's easy, other times you may have to extend things because one of you is busy or whatever.

    Once you've exchanged digits and chatted a little more, you'll find something you have in common. Then I go for the date, but I don't put it in the form of a question. I say we should go to xxx wine bar (which we already talked about both liking), or let's hit that beach we talked about last night. I'm not pushy but I don't ask, I just state it as fact. It seems to go better. In our society, men have been so emasculated -- and it's just getting worse -- so women really appreciate a guy who is respectful but still takes charge. It's a rare thing, maybe more here in CA with all the soy, so it definitely assists in standing out from the crowd.

    Damn, that was a novel. A lot of this you probably already know, but hopefully it helps.
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    ^^^ thank you man. Had a response typed up and my screen refreshed and I lost it. Will reply soon

    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    Had a great date tonight and we're gonna give this exclusivity thing a try. I'm in a good place but part of me feels a little disconnected. Emotionally unavailable I guess is the term people use. Probably the byproduct of too much online dating and hearing horror stories. This girl has it all, complete package mind and body, so probably with time I'll be more into it. Just guarded for the time being.

    Now I have to cancel first dates for Sunday and Wednesday. Normally I'd just fade, but since we have definite plans that would be a chitty thing to do. Should I just say, "I enjoyed getting to know you, but I'm seeing someone else and we're going to not see other people?" I can blame the virus too, that's at least part of it. One girl I've texted with a lot, too much actually, and I know she won't take it well. Better to just get it over with though.
    Awesome news.

    I wouldn't close the door on them. I'd say "hey something came up. I'm really sorry but Im going to have to cancel." Then if they text asking to reschedule Id go NC or fade. Then if things fall apart with main girl I'd hit them first with a "hey" to put feelers out since they were furthest down the pipeline.

    Re: Guarding your heart. That's exactly what I did when I first seperated. And it worked well for several years, I didn't get attached to anyone. Not one. Two problems with that looking back now.

    1. By the time I was ready to fall back in love I was super vulnerable. I'm sure theres other reasons, but I think part of it is that I was fighting against falling in love for years after I separated, so I like surpressed the emotion or something, and now I'm ready to release it, I want to release it, but because I surpressed it, it built up over the years to a volcanic eruption so now I'm releasing it on the wrong women.

    2. Since I was guarding my heart I missed opportunites with the right women. At least two that were marriage material left because I couldn't take it to the next level.

    So my advice is - Don't guard your heart. Stay logical, but let things happen naturally.
    Last edited by spadelexus; 07-11-2020 at 05:53 PM.
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    Originally Posted by spadelexus View Post
    Awesome news.

    I wouldn't close the door on them. I'd say "hey something came up. I'm really sorry but Im going to have to cancel." Then if they text asking to reschedule Id go NC or fade. Then if things fall apart with main girl I'd hit them first with a "hey" to put feelers out since they were furthest down the pipeline.

    Re: Guarding your heart. That's exactly what I did when I first seperated. And it worked well for several years, I didn't get attached to anyone. Not one. Two problems with that looking back now.

    1. By the time I was ready to fall back in love I was super vulnerable. I'm sure theres other reasons, but I think part of it is that I was fighting against falling in love for years after I separated, so I like surpressed the emotion or something, and now I'm ready to release it, I want to release it, but because I surpressed it, it built up over the years to a volcanic eruption so now I'm releasing it on the wrong women.

    2. Since I was guarding my heart I missed opportunites with the right women. At least two that were marriage material left because I couldn't take it to the next level.

    So my advice is - Don't guard your heart. Stay logical, but let things happen naturally.
    Thanks for the well wishes and the advice. I actually just went ahead this morning and was honest with them. Told them I enjoyed our chats and I wished them well. It actually went fine; they were gracious about it. When I get back on the scene, I'll want to start fresh. We'll see, I'm still operating under the assumption things with current girl could change at any moment without warning.

    I'm definitely worried about getting hurt, but the truth is I'm not sure I've ever been in love. I thought I was at the time, but in hindsight not so sure...kinda ****ed up. Anyway, you're right about not guarding your heart. You can't really live unless you're willing to take some risks. It sucks that you feel as though you missed out on taking it to the next level with those two women, but at least you recognize it and have taken steps to prevent that from happening again.

    Deleted Tinder and Bumble this morning. It felt really good to get rid of them. I was definitely addicted to the ego boost, the compliments and the new matches. Not healthy, good to be done with it.
    Last edited by HangingChad; 07-11-2020 at 06:08 PM.
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    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    Snip...Solid online dating tips/quick tutorial
    Thanks man. Yeah this is strategy stuff that I knew / used and have just got lazy with over the years. Great post and critique.

    One of the main reasons I started posting itt this past winter was to get tips / pointers / see examples of how to use "nice guy game" which was what we use to call it in the sloth threads - really any approach that wasn't super direct/aggressive.

    For 4+ years I created/and ran routines in volume, using copy pasta lines like "how does splitting a bottle of red then getting pinned against the wall and dominated sound?" Burning through hundreds of matches. So having to convert that game style, which was habit to the point I could run it in my sleep, has been a challenge.

    The other challenge has been dropping the badboy vibe, which compliments the direct/aggressive game style and made it work. I've toned it down a lot, in pics, but haven't completely eliminated it.

    Basically have to keep tweaking my vibe/game style now
    -----------

    RE: ballerina

    The initial pitch was just dinner and beach next day, couldn't remember if it was dinner/waterfall

    ...and she replied that she doesn't sleep over guys houses

    I told her she'd have her own room/private bathroom so if that doesn't change anything then we should meet halfway

    And yeah date ideas I usually state "let's go to... I'll take you to.. .we can meet at...etc ..." Where I place the question mark is typically on the day/time ... "How's Thursday night at 730?" Etc...bc that needs to be clearly confirmed by both parties, and can look inconsiderate if I haven't even met the girl and am planning her weekend for her. I've tried haha.

    For whatever reason I got too comfortable with the Bumble girl so may have came across like I was asking for approval, but I was just being lazy. Also pitching a Friday night date on a Thursday - basic newbie errorb - that I probably told guys not to do 10×'s in the sloth threads.

    Think I'm at a point in my dating life where Im giving far less phucks about how x,y,z is perceived, or I'm just so frustrated I'm being sloppy.

    Originally Posted by HangingChad View Post
    Thanks for the well wishes and the advice. I actually just went ahead this morning and was honest with them. Told them I enjoyed our chats and I wished them well. It actually went fine; they were gracious about it. When I get back on the scene, I'll want to start fresh. We'll see, I'm still operating under the assumption this could change at any moment without warning. I'm definitely worried about getting hurt, but the truth is I'm not sure I've ever been in love. I thought I was at the time, but in hindsight not so sure...kinda ****ed up. Anyway, you're right about not guarding your heart. You can't really live unless you're willing to take some risks. It sucks that you feel as though you missed out on taking it to the next level with those two women, but at least you recognize it and have taken steps to prevent that from happening again. Deleted Tinder and Bumble this morning. It felt really good to get rid of them. I was definitely addicted to the ego boost, the compliments and the new matches. Not healthy, good to be done with it.
    Yeah I was too young when I met my ex. Had no idea what love was. Because shes my children's mother I'll always love her like that, and don't regret it because she's an amazing mother, great woman, and we have 3 beautiful children. But I either didn't love her or fell out of love with her. So long ago it's hard to remember how I felt. Strong enough to put a ring on her and 3 babies in her belly. But I don't know either. It's weird.
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    Originally Posted by spadelexus View Post
    Yeah I'm not disputing the "majority" of women have a max acceptable age range for sex, dates, marriage etc which is very likely 5 years older or so. I think it's more societal norms than individual but yeah 20 years is not generally accepted. 10 years is probably the cap. Speaking of girls in their 20's mostly. Nobody cares if a 50yo woman is dating a 70yo man. (See POTUS).
    They have a 24 year age difference and she wouldn't be with him if he wasn't rich. I can't see one of the ladies ITT who is over 40 being with a 74 year old man.

    I don't know why you post 10,000 screen shots. Yes we know that the young girls like you. You're probably a Chad. But if you want someone to settle down with long-term, look for age 30+. It's pretty simple for you.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    I think once women are 30+, they will seriously date men in 40's for a real LTR (not a sugar daddy situation).

    .
    Of course they will. A 25-30 year old woman is equal to a 45 year old man on average in life experience and sexual mating value.

    Young women don’t like older men in only monetary benefit scenarios. That’s what society and females on here want you to believe. There’s tons of young hotties that just want a dude to keep them in line like her parents never did. Who’s more likely to do that without putting up with her ****? Older men.
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    Originally Posted by spadelexus View Post
    And Im not living in an illusion where some 21yo tinder chick is going to be my next wife/baby momma. I learned that lesson already. My sweet spot has pretty much always been 26-32 in terms of match volume and quality, and that's the general age range I'm targeting for LTR.
    Yes I think early thirties is a realistic target for you for marriage. At that age women are really looking to settle down and they want marriage and kids ASAP. So they will be willing to make some concessions to get that.

    Their first choice would likely be someone decently successful within 5 years or so of their own age. But if they can’t find that by the time they are thirty something then they will probably be willing to settle for a decently successful 10 year older guy who is offering marriage and kids ASAP.

    You can offer to be a good provider, you can offer marriage, and you can offer kids. So that will likely be worth the trade-off in age difference for them.
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Yes I think early thirties is a realistic target for you for marriage. At that age women are really looking to settle down and they want marriage and kids ASAP. So they will be willing to make some concessions to get that.

    Their first choice would likely be someone decently successful within 5 years or so of their own age. But if they can’t find that by the time they are thirty something then they will probably be willing to settle for a decently successful 10 year older guy who is offering marriage and kids ASAP.

    You can offer to be a good provider, you can offer marriage, and you can offer kids. So that will likely be worth the trade-off in age difference for them.
    My ex was 25 when we met and I was 30 I think and she even said that was near her boundary.

    Of course if she was still single and 30+ I imagine that 5 year boundary would loosen.
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    Originally Posted by Silencespeaks View Post
    Yes I think early thirties is a realistic target for you for marriage. At that age women are really looking to settle down and they want marriage and kids ASAP. So they will be willing to make some concessions to get that.

    Their first choice would likely be someone decently successful within 5 years or so of their own age. But if they can’t find that by the time they are thirty something then they will probably be willing to settle for a decently successful 10 year older guy who is offering marriage and kids ASAP.

    You can offer to be a good provider, you can offer marriage, and you can offer kids. So that will likely be worth the trade-off in age difference for them.
    Plus not to mention it's going to be really hard to find an early 20's girl who wants to take on 3 young kids that aren't hers. I'd imagine even early 30's are going to balk at that.

    Spade, do any of these girls ask you why you don't see your kids? That would be hyuge red flag to me.
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    Originally Posted by Luc1fer View Post
    My ex was 25 when we met and I was 30 I think and she even said that was near her boundary.

    Of course if she was still single and 30+ I imagine that 5 year boundary would loosen.
    Yeah I think 5 years is a good age difference. My ex husband was 6 years older than me which worked fine too.

    Yes over 30 women will be more likely to accept larger age difference (or make other concessions) because they can’t afford to wait much longer.

    But if a 30 year old woman has the choice between two guys who are comparable looks wise and both make say $150k but one is 35 and one is 40. I bet the vast majority would pick the one closer to her own age.
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