Unsupportive Husband

[nikelle44]

I competed for the first time in bikini last year and took 1st and 2nd in my two divisions with no coach. I fell in love with competing and wanted to do it again. However, my husband has been anything but supportive. He hated my first prep and says he hates how i either get up early to workout, or take time away from family in the evening. He also hates i cook my food slightly different than his for dinner, and he hates that when we go out to eat, i order everything on the side. He also says I “change” during prep and doesnt give detail.
My problem is that he is constantly trying to pursuade me to stop prepping. Or creating fights about my prep. And he just didnt like my last competition even though I did so well. He is even in shape! We go to the gym together as much as possible. I love this sport, it is my passion and I want to become the best I can be. Im extremely dedicated and can do it without his support (even as he waves cookies in my face trying to get me to cave), but it DOES make it harder. I have no idea how to handle him or what to tell him expect I love it.
Any advice on how to handle him? Or what to say, or if I should even be competing if he hates it so much? TIA

[wave_length]

Does he get equal time to do what he loves to do?

[HayZues Christi]

I'm into fitness too. Been in the gym 5 days a week for 10 years and watch what I eat. With that said, some people take it too far. It becomes annoying to even be around them.

That doesnt mean you are in the wrong to pursue your passion. Just don't think your husband is out of line for not loving it either.

My advice would be to try and find some compromise. You make a stronger effort to be home more and he doesnt wave cookies in your face.

[Ruben777]

Maybe be honest with him, and make it clear what both of your expectations are in your relationship, and try to find a plan to make it work for both of you. Make it a 2 way street, instead of a 1 way. Unfortunately, dealing with non-competition elements in our life is something we may have to deal with, as competitors.

[kimm4]

I have no idea how long you've been married but I would sit him down and have a heart to heart talk. What exactly does he mean by, "you change" and have him explain it in full detail. If you let prep completely consume you and it's throwing other things in your life off balance...I can understand that being a problem. When I prep for shows the only thing that changes is I hit a diet and throw in some posing practice. That's it and everything else stays the same.

My family always comes first and prep comes second. If you have a healthy balance, no one suffers and nothing changes.

Good luck!

[grubman]

I wrote a very long response, then deleted it, since I’m not a marriage counselor or therapist.

This is too complicated a question to answer with just “one side” of the story (there is a LOT more going on here than a bikini contest, wether deep down you realize that or not) and without getting a chance to know you and your husband...and the depth of your relationship.

I will tell you, this isn’t the way a healthy giving relationship that is going to last works...and this is a road to resentment and hate.

If you believe the relationship is worth saving, but the problems are this extreme, I would strongly suggest some marriage counseling. A moderator will help you both to understand and talk about all the underlying issues involved here...because he’s totally wrong for not supporting your passion, but I’m guessing you probably have absolute no understanding of the true reasons why (because the reasons listed are very superficial).

But that’s just the humble opinion of a random person on the internet reading one short post.

[BriantheMain]

Have you tried sitting him down and telling him why this means so much to you? Or asked for some kind of compromise?

[lift4life2020]

Compromise . Make time for him so he doesn’t feel left out and still do what you want to do

[Phenmo93]

Try couple’s or marriage counseling with a professional instead of asking strangers online. In other words, go somewhere together where you both have to talk it out and a pro can guide your conversation. I bet he doesn’t want to talk much about how he feels so he’ll have to want to go with you and open up if he wants to solve anything.