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  1. #1
    Registered User mike584's Avatar
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    Help with gently ending a relationship please

    Thanks for reading and I'll try to make this as to the point as I can. I've been with my girlfriend for more than four years and I'm ready to leave. There are many reasons why I want to do this but the main reason, the one that matters the most, is I simply don't love her. I haven't loved her in a while and I know that if I stay any longer I'll be wasting both my own time and especially hers. I want to make clear that I'm not leaving her for anyone else and I never cheated on her. I also want to make clear that I don't hate her and she's a good person.

    I'm currently looking for a place to go to because, for reasons I will not explain, I don't want to be around after I tell her that I'm leaving her. So my question is this: should I move all my stuff to my new place and then tell her after it's all done, which I'd of course do in person? I feel like if I were to tell her now and have her expect me to be gone within a month or two would just kill her.

    Thanks in advance.
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  2. #2
    Banned wincel's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mike584 View Post
    Thanks for reading and I'll try to make this as to the point as I can. I've been with my girlfriend for more than four years and I'm ready to leave. There are many reasons why I want to do this but the main reason, the one that matters the most, is I simply don't love her. I haven't loved her in a while and I know that if I stay any longer I'll be wasting both my own time and especially hers. I want to make clear that I'm not leaving her for anyone else and I never cheated on her. I also want to make clear that I don't hate her and she's a good person.

    I'm currently looking for a place to go to because, for reasons I will not explain, I don't want to be around after I tell her that I'm leaving her. So my question is this: should I move all my stuff to my new place and then tell her after it's all done, which I'd of course do in person? I feel like if I were to tell her now and have her expect me to be gone within a month or two would just kill her.

    Thanks in advance.
    Tell her exactly what you just told us.
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  3. #3
    No Huevos katya422's Avatar
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    So are you presently living together?

    If that is the situation and you are talking about moving into a different home vs. different city then I would wait to tell her until you have a place.

    Because if she does love you continuing to share a living space after you two are split would be really painful...probably for both of you.
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  4. #4
    do you even bambiemcfly's Avatar
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    There’s no good way to break someone’s heart. My guess is that if you’ve been unhappy for a long time, chances are she has too. Hopefully she can understand your choice to do what is necessary for each of you to move forward on your own and make better lives for yourselves. Good luck, op.
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    I would say it depends on if you still like smashing her or not. For some reason the sex after you break up is sometimes better, and you might enjoy the few weeks staying there broken up (and maybe her as well).

    If you don't plan on smashing her afterwards then have your sh*t ready to move into or already be moved out or it's going to be awkward as hell.
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  6. #6
    Registered User Ninshark's Avatar
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    dude this is so sad. I had to do this last August. only been with her for 14 mo so a lot shorter than 4 years, but I was her first and she loved me for real. I didn't love her and didn't want to waste her time with false hope. 6 months later, I'm still sad about it. I feel so sad for having to break someone's heart. I kinda want to get back together so that I wouldn't feel so guilty. I hope she moved on. I'm too afraid to return some stuff and ask for a couple of my things back because I don't know how to face her... Good luck man, it will be really really painful :'(
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    Registered User skinnyfat88's Avatar
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    Honesty is the only way.
    She may feel hurt and want answers but you can't help what you feel and you shouldn't stick it out because you don't want to hurt her.
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  8. #8
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    This thread makes me incredibly sad.
    Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
    Thus unlamented let me die;
    Steal from the world, and not a stone
    Tell where I lie.

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  9. #9
    **** Love, I Want Cash. BlackScorpio91's Avatar
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    Wait until you move out.
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  10. #10
    Cornbrah OntheClockNE's Avatar
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    This is as gentle as it gets OP. Lace em up..

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  11. #11
    Registered User Lentilsbrah's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mike584 View Post
    Thanks for reading and I'll try to make this as to the point as I can. I've been with my girlfriend for more than four years and I'm ready to leave. There are many reasons why I want to do this but the main reason, the one that matters the most, is I simply don't love her. I haven't loved her in a while and I know that if I stay any longer I'll be wasting both my own time and especially hers. I want to make clear that I'm not leaving her for anyone else and I never cheated on her. I also want to make clear that I don't hate her and she's a good person.

    I'm currently looking for a place to go to because, for reasons I will not explain, I don't want to be around after I tell her that I'm leaving her. So my question is this: should I move all my stuff to my new place and then tell her after it's all done, which I'd of course do in person? I feel like if I were to tell her now and have her expect me to be gone within a month or two would just kill her.

    Thanks in advance.
    Mate your 34 just go and say exactly that. I don’t feel the same way and we’ve drifted apart. I don’t wanna waste your time.
    Although if she’s also in her 30s get ready for a **** storm op
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  12. #12
    Banned wincel's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ninshark View Post
    dude this is so sad. I had to do this last August. only been with her for 14 mo so a lot shorter than 4 years, but I was her first and she loved me for real. I didn't love her and didn't want to waste her time with false hope. 6 months later, I'm still sad about it. I feel so sad for having to break someone's heart. I kinda want to get back together so that I wouldn't feel so guilty. I hope she moved on. I'm too afraid to return some stuff and ask for a couple of my things back because I don't know how to face her... Good luck man, it will be really really painful :'(
    Why don't you love her? Did you even give it a try?
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  13. #13
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    Shocked no one has suggested going NC yet.
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  14. #14
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    Originally Posted by wincel View Post
    Why don't you love her? Did you even give it a try?
    so it started out because I was an emotional wreck after breakup + legal troubles literally one day after another (unrelated) so I was depressed and looked for a new gf immediately, and found her after 3 months. I noticed she was so physically weak, unfit, and uncoordinated, but I really did give it a shot. After about 6 months I finished all court appearances and finished worrying about the legal stuff, and suddenly the breakup with the ex hit me and started missing her. Kept thinking about her while I was with new girl and it really screwed me up. I saw how there were so many things I'd do for my ex that I wouldn't/didn't for current gf. eventually I realized I couldn't get past how weak current gf was (she couldn't do any of my fav physical activities with me).

    to OP, this is how I did it:
    so about 2 months before breakup, I had already made up my mind, but was too afraid to do it. My body already stopped functioning though and I stopped having sex with her. We just hung out platonically and I had to reject her every time because I didn't want to do it with her (felt like I'd be using her). she brought it up a few times, noticed I was being more distant, we talked, but all it did was make us both sad when I admitted I didn't know if I still wanted to be with her. took a week break to myself to think it over. she came over week later and tried to be intimate, but in the end, I rejected her one last time and told her the words, "I don't see a future with you." and it was just really really sad :'( I honestly hope she moved on by now (5-6 months later), but I feel so sad and guilty still... good luck op... unfortunately, you gotta do what you gotta do, AND, everything will NOT be fine. lose-lose situation. nothing you can do about it.
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  15. #15
    Brazilian Machinery runner2k's Avatar
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    Hey OP,

    As many of us, I've been in your shoes as well. It really sucks to break up with someone but it has to be done cause at this point it's not fair to neither of you. I agree with everyone else. Just have a sit with her and explain exactly what you just told us.


    Originally Posted by mike584 View Post
    Thanks for reading and I'll try to make this as to the point as I can. I've been with my girlfriend for more than four years and I'm ready to leave. There are many reasons why I want to do this but the main reason, the one that matters the most, is I simply don't love her. I haven't loved her in a while and I know that if I stay any longer I'll be wasting both my own time and especially hers. I want to make clear that I'm not leaving her for anyone else and I never cheated on her. I also want to make clear that I don't hate her and she's a good person.

    I'm currently looking for a place to go to because, for reasons I will not explain, I don't want to be around after I tell her that I'm leaving her. So my question is this: should I move all my stuff to my new place and then tell her after it's all done, which I'd of course do in person? I feel like if I were to tell her now and have her expect me to be gone within a month or two would just kill her.

    Thanks in advance.
    Bold portion:

    Is she mentally unstable/aggressive? Do you feel she would smash you chit up if you were to tell her before hand? Is that why you are planning to get your stuff moved away (very sneaky move) and then tell her in person?
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