Another year of FA in the books

[FitCross]

It's been a while since I've been on Misc. and, honestly, I can't say I've really missed it, but I stick my head in every now and then to see what's going on. With it being the end of the year, I thought I'd share what I've been up to on the relationship front.

I made a big, BIG push to be more social and jumpstart my love life this past year. Basically, I took the textbook Misc. advice - go to activities, join groups, dress well (not that I've ever dressed poorly), smell nice, continuously improve yourself, exude positive energy, etc. etc. And, of course, I've maintained my rigorous workout regimen.

I've had great times this year and it was all worth it if only for the fact it was better than the alternative. But here's the thing - none of it had any impact. In fact, I'm going to end this year very much the FA I was at the beginning of it.

It's hard to keep your chin up in the face of no progress. I don't feel any more confident, I'm no less shy, and I also see guys more confident and better-looking than me struggle, which makes me wonder what value I really have. I had a few glimmers of hope here and there, but nothing's ever come of it.

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'm already 32; the hill only gets steeper from this point forward. If I can't figure it out now, I don't know if I ever will. Getting into relationships, having sex, etc., shouldn't be this difficult, but for some people, it is, apparently. It's very difficult to hold out any hope of change.

[BlackScorpio91]

Have you ever asked out a woman in your life? Like EVER?

[FitCross]

Have you ever asked out a woman in your life? Like EVER?

Yes.

[alltrapbrah]

Yes.

Cot dayum...

I legit thought you hadn't.

How many times?

[BlackScorpio91]

Yes.

When?

[AdikinBawls]

You can't expect fast results with this, especially at age 32. Depending on location and exactly how active you are, one year isn't a whole lot of time. I've moved cities several times in my adult life, and it always took time to make enough connections with people before it made a strong impact on my dating life. But what you're doing will eventually pay dividends.

Keep doing what you're doing. Try some more things (like volunteering). If you join a group/activity and you don't get immediate results, DON'T give up. If you're not getting any results after several months, then replace that activity with something else (but keep in touch with any interesting people you've met, and hang out when you can). Try to find something to do/someone to hang out with every day.

It's hard to keep your chin up, but keep it up. You've taken a huge step by putting yourself out there, and you've got to take more. You said you're shy, but I hope you're asking for numbers. Keep going for it. As you said, it's better than the alternative. You've got nothing to lose, so keep on.

[otakutrevan]

If you actually tried OP thats sucks. Definitely know the feels. Hope you make it.

[maori-rap]

It's been a while since I've been on Misc. and, honestly, I can't say I've really missed it, but I stick my head in every now and then to see what's going on. With it being the end of the year, I thought I'd share what I've been up to on the relationship front.

I made a big, BIG push to be more social and jumpstart my love life this past year. Basically, I took the textbook Misc. advice - go to activities, join groups, dress well (not that I've ever dressed poorly), smell nice, continuously improve yourself, exude positive energy, etc. etc. And, of course, I've maintained my rigorous workout regimen.

I've had great times this year and it was all worth it if only for the fact it was better than the alternative. But here's the thing - none of it had any impact. In fact, I'm going to end this year very much the FA I was at the beginning of it.

It's hard to keep your chin up in the face of no progress. I don't feel any more confident, I'm no less shy, and I also see guys more confident and better-looking than me struggle, which makes me wonder what value I really have. I had a few glimmers of hope here and there, but nothing's ever come of it.

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I'm already 32; the hill only gets steeper from this point forward. If I can't figure it out now, I don't know if I ever will. Getting into relationships, having sex, etc., shouldn't be this difficult, but for some people, it is, apparently. It's very difficult to hold out any hope of change.

I've tried living on the "other" side where you get to date females and have sex. However to no avail. I have honestly figured that some men are DESTINED to be single and trying to go against this basic law of nature can only result in further suffering. For some its best to be grateful for what you've got and just try and focus on other things.

I'm not telling you to stop trying or that there is no hope. I am just stating that I am 36 and know what kinda thing you are going through. There are a lot of men nowadays who lead celibate lives as default and struggle to make ANY inroads with females other than masturbating to online images of them.

[BlackScorpio91]

I've tried living on the "other" side where you get to date females and have sex. However to no avail. I have honestly figured that some men are DESTINED to be single and trying to go against this basic law of nature can only result in further suffering. For some its best to be grateful for what you've got and just try and focus on other things.

I'm not telling you to stop trying or that there is no hope. I am just stating that I am 36 and know what kinda thing you are going through. There are a lot of men nowadays who lead celibate lives as default and struggle to make ANY inroads with females other than masturbating to online images of them.

So you're a virgin?

[alltrapbrah]

I've tried living on the "other" side where you get to date females and have sex.

Elaborate.

If I recall correctly you're of a similar breed to FitCross, i.e. you haven't really tried.

Putting yourself in social settings and around women is a good start, but you still need to pull the trigger. It's well known on these boards that Fitcross has seldom (or perhaps never?) made a move on a woman, despite his socialising and other efforts he continues to make.

[FitCross]

You can't expect fast results with this, especially at age 32. Depending on location and exactly how active you are, one year isn't a whole lot of time. I've moved cities several times in my adult life, and it always took time to make enough connections with people before it made a strong impact on my dating life. But what you're doing will eventually pay dividends.

Keep doing what you're doing. Try some more things (like volunteering). If you join a group/activity and you don't get immediate results, DON'T give up. If you're not getting any results after several months, then replace that activity with something else (but keep in touch with any interesting people you've met, and hang out when you can). Try to find something to do/someone to hang out with every day.

It's hard to keep your chin up, but keep it up. You've taken a huge step by putting yourself out there, and you've got to take more. You said you're shy, but I hope you're asking for numbers. Keep going for it. As you said, it's better than the alternative. You've got nothing to lose, so keep on.

I'm enjoying it enough that I'm going to keep at it. I just wish there was more of a pay-off.

If you actually tried OP thats sucks. Definitely know the feels. Hope you make it.

Thanks, same to you. I know you've extended your help a few times in the past, I'm grateful for that.

I've tried living on the "other" side where you get to date females and have sex. However to no avail. I have honestly figured that some men are DESTINED to be single and trying to go against this basic law of nature can only result in further suffering. For some its best to be grateful for what you've got and just try and focus on other things.

I'm not telling you to stop trying or that there is no hope. I am just stating that I am 36 and know what kinda thing you are going through. There are a lot of men nowadays who lead celibate lives as default and struggle to make ANY inroads with females other than masturbating to online images of them.

I'm more convinced now than ever before 60% of males must be single. Even guys better-looking and more successful than me are having trouble.

[eod8989]

I know these feels OP i tried for years and basically little to no success. It seems like when you get older it just gets harder and harder. It even feels weird to traditionally hang out with people at my age anymore.

Being shy really resonates as well. It seems like no matter what i do i'm just shy around people and i'm not sure why. I just go full beta quiet mode when around people. It's weird because i'm pretty athletic and feel like i have decent test levels and strength but i feel like a bish in social settings.

It's like it's just deeply rooted in my personality to be this quiet homebody.

[Hardlifter9]

I'm enjoying it enough that I'm going to keep at it. I just wish there was more of a pay-off.



Thanks, same to you. I know you've extended your help a few times in the past, I'm grateful for that.



I'm more convinced now than ever before 60% of males must be single. Even guys better-looking and more successful than me are having trouble.

Girls have no issue holding off on sex and thereby being super superrr picky.

[MagicWater]

guys I'm FA as well but I think one of our biggest problems is our negative, defeatist attitude


You have to realize that women are hyper sensitive to these emotions. If you don't come across as truly confident, they smell it in 3 seconds and will turn you down before you even say hi


We have to do what we have to do to become truly confident - which means killing the negativity and desperation and trying to train ourselves to expect a positive outcome

[wincel]

guys I'm FA as well but I think one of our biggest problems is our negative, defeatist attitude


You have to realize that women are hyper sensitive to these emotions. If you don't come across as truly confident, they smell it in 3 seconds and will turn you down before you even say hi


We have to do what we have to do to become truly confident - which means killing the negativity and desperation and trying to train ourselves to expect a positive outcome

He's evolving holy chit

[eod8989]

guys I'm FA as well but I think one of our biggest problems is our negative, defeatist attitude


You have to realize that women are hyper sensitive to these emotions. If you don't come across as truly confident, they smell it in 3 seconds and will turn you down before you even say hi


We have to do what we have to do to become truly confident - which means killing the negativity and desperation and trying to train ourselves to expect a positive outcome

My moods change day to day i can't control them long enough to make any progress lol

[alltrapbrah]

guys I'm FA as well but I think one of our biggest problems is our negative, defeatist attitude


You have to realize that women are hyper sensitive to these emotions. If you don't come across as truly confident, they smell it in 3 seconds and will turn you down before you even say hi


We have to do what we have to do to become truly confident - which means killing the negativity and desperation and trying to train ourselves to expect a positive outcome

No offense, but this is dumb.

There is no way in hell that guys like OP can ‘train’ themselves to expect a positive outcome without A) undergoing some kind of labotomy or B) using mind altering drugs.

They have decades worth of negative reinforcement when it comes to women. It’s impossible to ignore all of that or pretend it didn’t happen or whatever else.

Personally, I think the solution is to feel the fear and do it anyway. To kinda accept they have been failures with women, and may continue to be so, but what harm is one more rejection in the face of the previous hundred? What difference does it make having 101 rejections under your belt instead of 100? Just fukin’ do it anyway.

It is in large part a numbers game after all, and the less desirable you are the greater number of efforts you’ll have to make.

Ideally, you want to take a two pronged approach, i.e. simultaneously making yourself more desirable and increasing your efforts with women.

[devopsengineer]

Yeah, I know how it feels like.

I started feeling nausea from rejection, and I am associating all girls with rejection so I am basically sick when I see a cute girl.

Not sure if I should continue trying.

[FitCross]

I know these feels OP i tried for years and basically little to no success. It seems like when you get older it just gets harder and harder. It even feels weird to traditionally hang out with people at my age anymore.

Being shy really resonates as well. It seems like no matter what i do i'm just shy around people and i'm not sure why. I just go full beta quiet mode when around people. It's weird because i'm pretty athletic and feel like i have decent test levels and strength but i feel like a bish in social settings.

It's like it's just deeply rooted in my personality to be this quiet homebody.

Yeah, it's not easy to simply become someone else at will.

guys I'm FA as well but I think one of our biggest problems is our negative, defeatist attitude


You have to realize that women are hyper sensitive to these emotions. If you don't come across as truly confident, they smell it in 3 seconds and will turn you down before you even say hi


We have to do what we have to do to become truly confident - which means killing the negativity and desperation and trying to train ourselves to expect a positive outcome

That's a pretty high bar you're setting there. I think I've acted pretty confident, I certainly haven't exuded much in the way of negativity. I agree we have to move forward with the mindset of a positive outcome. The problem for me is making that connection - all girls know guys are down for something other than being friends; how do we make that clear without scaring them off (and no, I'm not saying I've scared anyone off)?

[DolphinPilot]

When?

I feel like if there was a when he would have answered this.

[iamdetermined]

Yeah, it's not easy to simply become someone else at will.



That's a pretty high bar you're setting there. I think I've acted pretty confident, I certainly haven't exuded much in the way of negativity. I agree we have to move forward with the mindset of a positive outcome. The problem for me is making that connection - all girls know guys are down for something other than being friends; how do we make that clear without scaring them off (and no, I'm not saying I've scared anyone off)?

It's not easy but it's possible. I know I say this in every thread but try out meditating. Sometimes I listen to positive affirmations as I fall asleep. Whenever I do it consistently for a week or so I start to feel perma-calm and it affects how I talk to women...its like they can sense it. Which in turn answers your question about how to make it clear without scaring them. Sometimes I'll say stuff in an unintentional calm/confident manner and girls eat it up. Lack of outcome dependence plus confidence seems to be the formula. If you have the confidence then the outcome dependence is probably what's stopping you. If you've never been good with women then it's hard not to be which is why meditation will help. You may not get girls, but you won't care which in a weird way helps.

[FitCross]

I feel like if there was a when he would have answered this.

I actually missed that post. I still won't say, though - he wouldn't believe me (not that it matters).

[Bryan444]

whats made it easier for me to occasionally get attention from women:

-I get testosterone through my doctor. My face went from very "puffy" to narrower / more masculine looking.

It's 80 dollars for a vial and that's because my insurance won't cover it based on my age.

Even though if you can prove your levels are low enough through bloodwork, they're suppose to cover it.

-Finnasteride is awesome. Testosterone makes your hair a little thinner + recede a little so the Finnasteride counters this.

-I do this "eyebrow threading", I hate doing it. But, women are big on eyebrows.

I had an 18 year old girl send me nudes and I'm 27...

[alltrapbrah]

I made a big, BIG push to be more social and jumpstart my love life this past year. Basically, I took the textbook Misc. advice - go to activities, join groups, dress well (not that I've ever dressed poorly), smell nice, continuously improve yourself, exude positive energy, etc. etc. And, of course, I've maintained my rigorous workout regimen.

I've had great times this year and it was all worth it if only for the fact it was better than the alternative. But here's the thing - none of it had any impact. In fact, I'm going to end this year very much the FA I was at the beginning of it.

In other words - you read all the books you could get your hands on about golf, you studied countless videos of the pros and their swing technique, you joined various golf circles and met fellow golfers, you even bought a swanky new set of clubs, but despite all of this...

You never actually rocked up to the green and took a swing.

It legit fascinates me how you come back to the misc year after year seemingly confused about why you don't get anywhere with women.

[devopsengineer]

In other words - you read all the books you could get your hands on about golf, you studied countless videos of the pros and their swing technique, you joined various golf circles and met fellow golfers, you even bought a swanky new set of clubs, but despite all of this...

You never actually rocked up to the green and took a swing.

It legit fascinates me how you come back to the misc year after year seemingly confused about why you don't get anywhere with women.

How should he take a swing on his own? Are you proposing a rape? Because I think you should be banned for inciting rape.

[Gosu14]

Nice seeing you again FitCross, your stories are always informative and entertaining. By far the most entertaining on this board

[liftforchrist5]

I think the underlying issue here is desperation. You are desperate to meet a women. It’s probably something you think about constantly. Women aren’t the “be all end all” in life. There can be a lot more to life and there are a lot of freedoms to being single. Sometimes when you stop caring so much for something to happen that’s when something happens, if you follow what I’m saying

[Rebel012]

How should he take a swing on his own? Are you proposing a rape? Because I think you should be banned for inciting rape.

Tempted to neg for being an idiot. By 'swing' he meant actually approaching a woman with the intention of getting a date/number.

[kopikum]

Post a face pic and I'll tell everything you can do to lookmax

[Gosu14]

I think the underlying issue here is desperation. You are desperate to meet a women. It’s probably something you think about constantly. Women aren’t the “be all end all” in life. There can be a lot more to life and there are a lot of freedoms to being single. Sometimes when you stop caring so much for something to happen that’s when something happens, if you follow what I’m saying

Bro FitCross has heard every bit of advice from beginning to end over and over again. Nothing has or will work for him at this point