It's time to turn my life around. 31 years old, 365 lbs.

[BarryMcOckinner]

Hello to anyone readying, and welcome.

I am a 31 year male, 6'0. I've been a fat boy all my life. I was berated by my family for being overweight, and teased in school growing up, and used food to cope with the stress. Binge eating has always been my escape up until my mid 20s, was when I traded my old habit for a new one, binge drinking. I started binge drinking a couple times a week and kept this up for a few years. Looking back, I was too afraid to face my demons. How I wish I can go back and change my ways.. but what's done is done. I can only move forward and past this now. I recently was diagnosed with sleep apnea, and it was a major wake up call to my health. I've been neglecting so many aspects of my life, and I can't afford to fall into my old ways anymore. I will keep this journal in a way to transform my life into a more positive light, with proper exercise, nutrition, and of course taking care of my mental health. I am seeing a therapist for the first time next week, and will begin to workout some of my issues (I am dreading this part the most). I will be lifting weights every week, doing some cardio everyday and keeping track of what I eat. I understand that some days I will fail, and some days I will kick ass, but I can only try and hope that every single day I come out on top. I am literally at the point in life where I have nothing to lose. Nothing anyone says, or does to me, or what they think, or how they treat me, can never top how defeated I feel when I lay my head to rest at night. It's all in or bust at this point. I am a forever alone type so coming out of my shell is challenging, but I have to do this for me. I will record my workouts here, and check in with any updates. If you've read this far, I truly appreciate it.

[BarryMcOckinner]

These are really tough to post but these are my day 1 photos. I will hit the gym here in a few hours and provide updates. Thank you.

[BarryMcOckinner]

I just got done working out. I was a bit nervous going in, but after the first set, that all vanished and I went straight into my zone. I worked out chest and triceps.

6x5 flat bench working from 135 to 205
4x5 incline bench 135 to 165
4x8 chest flies
3x8 cable cross over, high to low, and low to high
4x8 standing cable pulls
4x8 overhead cable pulls

My workout took about an hour. I feel great and i'm so glad I went. There were a lot of people there for a Friday night. I just drank some whey protein, and am going to play some video games and chill out. My body is so shaky and I feel drained, in a good way. Legs tomorrow. Thanks for reading.

[BarryMcOckinner]

I woke up really depressed today, and spent majority of the day in bed. I was so sore, and hungry, and tired, and just feeling blue. I did my usual routine, sulking in my existence, playing video games, reading, and thinking how bad my life is. The usual.. lol. I did not want to go to gym today, but did some serious self reflecting on my life. Told my self to stop being a little bitch and just booked it over there (sorry for being explicit but I tend to be harsh on myself). Again, after the first set, I went straight into my zone and absolutely killed my workout.

squat 3x5 135-155, 1x3 165
leg extensions 4x8-10
leg press 3x8-106
romanian deadlifts 4x5-6

I initially planned to do more accessory workouts, but I ran out of gas halfway into my workout. Doing full body workouts really drain me out, probably because i'm so heavy, but hey, I did something today. Making a choice and taking action was all that I could do today, and that's good enough for me. My diet is complete trash right now, but I plan to conquer that after I've had at least a month of training under my belt, and until i situate my mental health. Thanks for reading.

[jbliss15]

Good luck man. Life always goes on.

After a while your stomach will shrink and you won't be so hungry. You just need to stick it out for a week or two for that time happen.

After a while working out will make you feel better! You absolutely need to do it a week or two without cheating and it'll get easier!

[BarryMcOckinner]

Good luck man. Life always goes on.

After a while your stomach will shrink and you won't be so hungry. You just need to stick it out for a week or two for that time happen.

After a while working out will make you feel better! You absolutely need to do it a week or two without cheating and it'll get easier!

Thanks bro, appreciate the kind words.

[BarryMcOckinner]

I had my sleep clinic appointment today. I received a temporary apap machine that i'll be trying out for about a week. Hopefully it'll shake how tired I feel and lethargy I feel all day and help me improve my health. I'm hoping that once the weight comes off I won't need it anymore, but we'll see how things go from here. I took two days off and rested from the gym. I was more sore than a hooker on payday. Walking, sitting, taking the stairs was so difficult. I felt a lot better today. I absolutely killed shoulders today. I drove to the gym with no resistance at all, felt like a man on a mission. Headphones, focusing on the set, and watching my form. It felt great coming out with a win under my belt.


Standing overhead press 2x5 95 lbs, 1x5 105, 1x5 115, 1x4 125, 1x2 135
Standing behind the neck press 4x5 95
lateral DB raises 3x8
front DB raises 3x8
Cable face pull 3x8
cable upright pull 3x8
shrugs 3x8

I initially planned to do more volume, like a 4x8 but I lost a lot of juice through the first half of the workout. With time, hopefully it gets easier. I've noticed some mental clarity after starting to working out. Feels good. We'll see how things go from here. Thanks for reading.

[BarryMcOckinner]

I started using my apap machine to sleep at night. Oh my god, the difference it makes it incredible. I wake up fully rested, and am full of energy throughout the day. I'm not tired after I eat something, or have the tendency to want to fall asleep at work anymore, or have the need for afternoon naps. I am so happy I got the sleep study done. Super stoked. I weighed myself this morning. 361.8.. I know it's not all fat, but it felt good to seeing my hard work pay off.

Today's workout:
6x5 deadlift 135, 185-225
4x6-7 barbell rows 135-145
straight arm pulldown
cable rows
cable bicep curls

Today's workout intensity was a 5/10.. yeah I got something done, but I wasn't really into it. You win some and you lose some. I tried and it's all I could do. I've been starting to clean my diet up a bit, so far I have cut out all drinks except for water, whey, green tea and amino acids. I know I wanted to wait a few more weeks until I started to fix my diet, but screw it, when in Rome. Super tired today, going to chill for the rest of the night. Thanks for reading.

[Turkstarr]

Good luck with your change bro. Keep going.

[saiyandide]

Keep your head up sir. Remember that you CAN do this! After the first 2 weeks the hunger gets much more bearable and before you know it you will be eating under your deficit and feeling great.

[daquietman]

Nice man good work and also you carry the 350lbs+ very well

[BarryMcOckinner]

Good luck with your change bro. Keep going.

Thanks bro

[BarryMcOckinner]

Keep your head up sir. Remember that you CAN do this! After the first 2 weeks the hunger gets much more bearable and before you know it you will be eating under your deficit and feeling great.

Thanks man

[tripod29]

Good luck .....don't give up.

[BarryMcOckinner]

Nice man good work and also you carry the 350lbs+ very well

Thanks man

[BarryMcOckinner]

I've been working a lot lately. I've been drained from work and probably my body adjusting to the many changes I've been doing. I did not feel like getting out of bed today. I gave myself a few rest days, and woke up today at 4:30 AM. I did not feel like going to the gym today, but guess what, I shut my brain off and got my fat butt up in the freezing cold and got there. No excuses, I've been a loser all my life, and things have to change now. Plus seeing all your guys replies this morning really pumped me up and motivated me to go. Chest and tris was on the menu. I lost juice pretty fast into my workout due to cutting calories, but I did what I could.

6x5 flat bench new PR 215x5
6x5 incline bench new PR 175x5
chest flys
cable pulls
overhead cable pulls

I plan on adding more volume into my workouts, but for now this is all I could do. It's my Friday at work today, and i've been working the last 6 days (hospital work is tough), but I started today with a W. My weight is bouncing around a lot all week, so I'm going to chill on the weigh in for a few weeks. Legs tomorrow. Thanks a lot guys it really does mean a lot that you guys are supporting me.

[BarryMcOckinner]

Good luck .....don't give up.

Thanks bro

[BarryMcOckinner]

Legs today. Woke up today with the same routine, using every excuse in the book on why I shouldn't hit the gym.. blah blah blah, took my ass there anyways. Quick workout today, I had stuff to do.

Squats 175x5 new PR
Romanian deadlift
Leg Press
Leg extensions
Standing calf raises

Feeling a little off today. But got my workout in, and going to just chill today and rest. I was really into my workout today, just thinking about my week and a bit angry (at myself). It's just emotions and thoughts at the end of the day, so it'll pass. Going to take it easy today. Thanks for reading.

[BarryMcOckinner]

It's been 14 days since I decided to change my life. My weight has been bouncing around a lot all week, but I thought i'd give a progress update. My weight this morning was 363.6. Not much of a difference, but being consistent and steady is the plan. I downloaded a calorie counting app today and am going to count calories this week and measure/weigh food and see how it goes.

[BarryMcOckinner]

Quick shoulders today. Went into the gym not wanting to go and just pissed off. Half assed my warmup but killed the rest of the workout.

Standing Overhead Press 135x5 new PR
Behind the neck standing press
DB front raises
DB lateral raises
Cable face pulls
Cable upright rows
Shrugs

Woke up today angry at god knows what. I peed what seems like probably a gallon this morning. Looking at my 2 weeks difference picture, and seeing the scale, I know I can do better. I have to work harder and plan better. I meal prep'd yesterday a huge tub of skinless boneless chicken thighs and white rice. Going to count and weight everything today. I don't know how many calories I should be eating but my ballpark guess is probably between 2500-3200. Going to wing it, use some trial and error and see what happens.

[BarryMcOckinner]

I did back and some biceps this morning. I felt so weak and had no energy after my warm up, so instead decided to do light weight and more volume. This is probably because i'm cutting calories. All I can do is adapt and do what I can. I meal prepped yesterday, and have food for the next few days, let's see what happens. I'm still in the air on how many calories I should be cutting, and I might be cutting too much since I feel so weak, but screw it, live and learn. The focus isn't to lift as much weight as possible or become shredded, it's to lose the fat and get to a healthy weight. I can only do what I can with what I've got. Stepped on the scale last night and i'm at 361.6 so I know it's working.

Dead lift
Bent over barbell rows
Straight arm pull down
Close grip pulldowns
Wide grip pulldowns
Cable rows (close grip)
wide grip cable curls
close grip cable curls

[Vampirelol]

Get it boyo

[daquietman]

High reps and medium volume will be better than training for strength during the cut. The old school were right after all - high reps for cutting low reps for bulking

Also ditch the white rice. Progress is coming along nicely

[bigbadmac]

High reps and medium volume will be better than training for strength during the cut. The old school were right after all - high reps for cutting low reps for bulking

Also ditch the white rice. Progress is coming along nicely

Why ditch the white rice? As long as it’s not being consumed in excess what’s wrong with it? Keep it going op. Don’t give up. Stop watching the scale to. Check it every few weeks imo.

[BarryMcOckinner]

What's up guys. Sorry for the late reply, I've been busy with work and other stuff. I'm still working out and doing my thing, though i'm more focused on my diet than my workouts at this point. Cutting calories is getting easier now, I've worked my way down to 2500-2600 calories, and getting over the first week without any sugar was tough, but the body adapts. Progress is slow, but my weight is 359.8. It's working, just going real slow. We'll see how things go. Thanks for the replies guys, it really means a lot to me.

[OfficerJimLahey]

Any updates, OP?

[BarryMcOckinner]

It’s been a bit since i’ve updated. I’m still hitting the gym, and haven’t cheated on my diet a single day. The first two weeks cleaning up my diet the hardest, but once the body adjusted, it’s a lot easier now. I worked my way down to 3000-3400 calories a day to 2000-2400 calories a day, less than 20g of sugar, and 160+ grams of protein. My weigh in is at 352.8. Right now the plan is to stay consistent, hit the gym, weigh/measure and record every single thing I eat. My biggest problem right now is mentally staying above water. Hitting the gym for an hour, and planning out and prepping meals is easy. But going through the day without having someone to talk to is so depressing. I literally do not have a single person in my life. I know I have to put myself out there, but I feel so unworthy, and inadequate because of my weight, that it’s just a cocktail of a mess. In the end of the day all I can do is keep my head low, and keep moving forward, and hoping for better days in the future. Progress pic coming soon when I get down to 350.

[BarryMcOckinner]

I weighed myself this morning, and i'm down to 350.4 .. things are good. I reconnected with an old buddy who hasn't been in the gym in a while, and now have a workout partner. Having a partner really helps me push myself, and the quality of my workouts has increased dramatically. I'm lifting hard, and doing some cardio everyday now. I was stuck at 354-357 for a while, and reevaluated my caloric needs and all of a sudden just went down to 352 yesterday, and 350 today. Don't really know what the hell my body is doing, but it's progress, so i'll take it. I haven't cheated on my diet a single day. Majority of my diet is still clean, balanced meals with minimal sugar, and salt. This week I experienced a sense of mental clarity, and I've also started getting a high after workouts that feels so freaking good. I find myself being more outgoing now, and social. Before I used to feel invisible to people but now people at work, I've never talked to before, are asking how i'm doing and are making small talk. Someone even said that I have a glow in my face now that I didn't have before. I've enrolled in college next semester, and am finishing my degree, (I need 3 classes and have been putting it off for a while now), and have decided to end the year and start next year focusing on nothing else but doing things that will better me. I want to continue lifting, eating clean, and focus on career development. I can do it, I know I can. As the days and week goes by, cutting weight is getting a lot easier. Dealing with hunger, eating for a purpose rather than pleasure, continuing my sobriety (I had 60 days of sobriety yesterday), seeing myself doing all of that is somewhat empowering. My self confidence is in a much better place now. I'm smiling a lot more now, where before I didn't really find joy in much things. I'm feeling really good guys. I'm super excited in what the future has in store for me, and to see what I can do. My next move is to focus on getting to 340 lbs. I can do the next 10 lbs faster this time, I know I can. I've attached a progress pic, but I don't really see much progress visually. My pants and shirts, and work uniform is looser, but I think visually, I will see more progress once I get more progress under my belt. Thank you for reading.

Edit: I don't know why the photo is coming out sideways. Sorry, I don't have time to fix it right now, I'll try to fix it later.

[dymastaj]

Fuark yeah buddy! Outstanding work. It's all you and you got this, no problem. Keep that chit up.

[ajbayshore]

I weighed myself this morning, and i'm down to 350.4 .. things are good. I reconnected with an old buddy who hasn't been in the gym in a while, and now have a workout partner. Having a partner really helps me push myself, and the quality of my workouts has increased dramatically. I'm lifting hard, and doing some cardio everyday now. I was stuck at 354-357 for a while, and reevaluated my caloric needs and all of a sudden just went down to 352 yesterday, and 350 today. Don't really know what the hell my body is doing, but it's progress, so i'll take it. I haven't cheated on my diet a single day. Majority of my diet is still clean, balanced meals with minimal sugar, and salt. This week I experienced a sense of mental clarity, and I've also started getting a high after workouts that feels so freaking good. I find myself being more outgoing now, and social. Before I used to feel invisible to people but now people at work, I've never talked to before, are asking how i'm doing and are making small talk. Someone even said that I have a glow in my face now that I didn't have before. I've enrolled in college next semester, and am finishing my degree, (I need 3 classes and have been putting it off for a while now), and have decided to end the year and start next year focusing on nothing else but doing things that will better me. I want to continue lifting, eating clean, and focus on career development. I can do it, I know I can. As the days and week goes by, cutting weight is getting a lot easier. Dealing with hunger, eating for a purpose rather than pleasure, continuing my sobriety (I had 60 days of sobriety yesterday), seeing myself doing all of that is somewhat empowering. My self confidence is in a much better place now. I'm smiling a lot more now, where before I didn't really find joy in much things. I'm feeling really good guys. I'm super excited in what the future has in store for me, and to see what I can do. My next move is to focus on getting to 340 lbs. I can do the next 10 lbs faster this time, I know I can. I've attached a progress pic, but I don't really see much progress visually. My pants and shirts, and work uniform is looser, but I think visually, I will see more progress once I get more progress under my belt. Thank you for reading.

Edit: I don't know why the photo is coming out sideways. Sorry, I don't have time to fix it right now, I'll try to fix it later.

I must say that you were not so bad when you started working out. You are 6 feet tall and you were 365lbs. For your height it was not terrible. It was bad but not really bad. You are going to start looking great even if get down to 300lb. Then the next 50, you will be a well built guy. I am only 5' 8" and I weigh over 225. I did some weight lifting for about 5 months and stopped 3 months ago due to my health issues but my body is still in decent shape. So, I'm glad you decided to work out and you are hitting the gym regularly.

Are you taking diet supplements or anything to help cut down your appetite? I saw a video a couple of weeks ago where a couple lost a lot of weight by just controlling their appetite. Can't find it now otherwise I would share it.

Well keep up the effort. You are almost there...