Athena, Usually Having Felt Sorry for Herself

[Athena]

i get the "oops this page is taking a rest day" page most of the time. doesn't matter if i'm typing a fresh post, replying to someone, doing quick reply, going advanced, or pasting a previously typed reply.

workouts continue and weights are gradually increasing. on my phone right now so no long response and can't reply to you guys either

ironwill still mods so i'll message him later.

[bamazav]

ironwill still mods so i'll message him later.

Actually he has stepped away. Hasn't been on in a few months now.

[Athena]

Actually he has stepped away. Hasn't been on in a few months now.

$&^#! I guess I'll have to find a mod. Remember the old days?

[Athena]

system just ate my last post...can't handle more than a sentence or two and then it kicks me out to a 404 page...contacted Vox and PlanetGetLow...

[bamazav]

$&^#! I guess I'll have to find a mod. Remember the old days?

I remember, this forum has changed, sadly.

system just ate my last post...can't handle more than a sentence or two and then it kicks me out to a 404 page...contacted Vox and PlanetGetLow...

Athi, praying for your patience level.

[Athena]

oh, my patience level is fine. it's a bit ironic, though, that as soon as i get more time to workout and to post updates, the system decides i should be elsewhere instead of here. 😄

[PtReyesGreg]

It's good to see you back in here, hitting your workouts and posting.

These forums have definitely changed and aren't nearly what they once were in terms of activity and community. I have a feeling they'll get back there at some point. People that have stepped away will feel the pull of the iron and will return eventually. In the meantime, we just keep on trucking, and putting in the time in the gym and posting...when the system lets us.

[ElrondHubbard]

oh, my patience level is fine. it's a bit ironic, though, that as soon as i get more time to workout and to post updates, the system decides i should be elsewhere instead of here. ������

I wonder if it's your internet provider. Do any other sites give you problems? I'm the first to admit this forum software leaves a huge amount to be desired, but I don't have issues posting -- although if I've left a page sitting open too long I sometimes have to back out to the main listing and then link back in again before I can post. But the error this causes, "Token expired", is always consistent and easy to overcome.

[bamazav]

I wonder if it's your internet provider. Do any other sites give you problems? I'm the first to admit this forum software leaves a huge amount to be desired, but I don't have issues posting -- although if I've left a page sitting open too long I sometimes have to back out to the main listing and then link back in again before I can post. But the error this causes, "Token expired", is always consistent and easy to overcome.

I was going to suggest a good malware/spyware/antivirus cleaning also as you could have picked up something.

[ElrondHubbard]

I was going to suggest a good malware/spyware/antivirus cleaning also as you could have picked up something.

Good point.

[Samraiwise]

When that happens to me, I remove some part of the text of my post and try again until I find which part is causing this. Then you can post the part you removed.

In short, you divide your post into two and then upload two posts instead of one.

Usually it works, though the reason why this happens I still don't know. In my case, the longer the post, the more chance this could happen. Shorter ones never cause this problem.

[Athena]

It's good to see you back in here, hitting your workouts and posting.

These forums have definitely changed and aren't nearly what they once were in terms of activity and community. I have a feeling they'll get back there at some point. People that have stepped away will feel the pull of the iron and will return eventually. In the meantime, we just keep on trucking, and putting in the time in the gym and posting...when the system lets us.

Yeah, I will never completely quit lifting. It's a part of who I am! I've had to quit running and I'm a fair-weather cyclist...but the iron is always there.

I wonder if it's your internet provider. Do any other sites give you problems? I'm the first to admit this forum software leaves a huge amount to be desired, but I don't have issues posting -- although if I've left a page sitting open too long I sometimes have to back out to the main listing and then link back in again before I can post. But the error this causes, "Token expired", is always consistent and easy to overcome.

No other sites give me problems. And we *shouldn't* have to jump through all the hoops to post.

I was going to suggest a good malware/spyware/antivirus cleaning also as you could have picked up something.

Good point.

I'll do a deep clean but I don't have any other problems with other sites. It's worth a shot, though

When that happens to me, I remove some part of the text of my post and try again until I find which part is causing this. Then you can post the part you removed.

In short, you divide your post into two and then upload two posts instead of one.

Usually it works, though the reason why this happens I still don't know. In my case, the longer the post, the more chance this could happen. Shorter ones never cause this problem.

Yeah, we'll see if this reply works. I'll try just posting shorter messages. Vox is aware but has no clue what the problem is...he's reported it and says others are having problems as well.

[Athena]

well that worked but a five sentence update didn't work. WTF??

trying to edit the above post...workouts are good, weights are going up, bodyfat down a smidge but not moving fast enough. hope to post again tomorrow.

[Athena]

Vox has suggested I use the Black skin...I didn't know we had a choice of skins in this forum. Shows you how long I've been out of touch. We'll see if this works...

Solid workout today. Leg day! My favorite -- although it's tied with back day...and shoulder day...and ...well, you get the point.

I'm pleased with the workout. I've eased my way into full-on tougher workouts, and it's going well. Still not at my old workout intensity, but I'll get closer.

Step ups: 100 total. Always, always work on form with these. Knee going straight out in front and hip not caving in or out and careful to place equal emphasis on the calves of both legs.

Bulgarians: bodyweight only. Three sets of 10 each and my legs were cramping and my fists were clenched (as were my teeth!) Up from three sets of eight in previous weeks.

Floor deads, light bar: 40# - 15,13 As I was getting to my first set goal of 16 reps, I heard an old personal training client of mine say, "Oh, so you DO have a thing! It's always even numbers with you!" So I did odd numbers the rest of my work out. (By the way, I told him to do NINE reps on the next set and his head nearly exploded...he stopped at nine, then had to do a tenth!!)

Rack deads, 50# bar, 6" rack: 50# on the bar - 5 reps My hubby has to do rack deads because he's 68 and beat the crap out of his body for 66 of those years, so I tried some. Felt good to use heavier weight again, but I don't like rack deads...ATG floors are how I was taught and I feel like that's the only way to do them for me.

SLDLs, light bar: 40# - 11, 11 -- couldn't do a third set...had to quit and come in because I was running out of time. Toes are pointed properly forward on these which means I look ever so slightly pigeon toed. I'm getting really good results around my aging hips this way. Also, previously I kept my knees slightly bent and nowadays I'm keeping my legs straight. I like the change.

Okay, gotta get ready for work. I'm on day five of six in a row...but two of these day are at time and a half and I could use the money right now! Tomorrow SHOULD be a rest day (I traditionally take a rest day after a tough leg day), but I doubt I'll be able to sit still.

Pressing "Post Quick Reply"...wish me luck!!

~athi

[Athena]

omg! It worked!!

[bamazav]

omg! It worked!!

Woohoo!

Way to go Athi, a great workout and you actually got a post to work. Win Win today!

[ElrondHubbard]

omg! It worked!!

Once you've tried the black, you won't go back!

[Athena]

Once you've tried the black, you won't go back!

lol!

okay, i am still working out although i stopped doing much of anything for about a month. shortly into that month i brought home a gift for me and my husband from work: the flu virus, which included a visit from its good friend, pneumonia. we're still battling it. he kept working out but it knocked me off my feet for a week.

my last bf test did not go well: i've lost 5.5lbs of muscle in these first 6 months of the year. it will take me a year to regain it. so i cried into a pint of luna & larry's coconut bliss non-dairy, gluten-free, sugar-free frozen dessert (which is better than any ice cream, ever), then got back to work. i'm doing a little each day just to get back to it. last week i had to work a noc shift and wore my jog bra to work, then headed out for a 20 minute jog at 1:20a.m. -- just to get something done that day.

yesterday was 40 pushups (bench, modified floor, incline against bar) followed by 40 bent over rows, followed by deadlifts in the field as the hubby and i take down fencing (along with the 6"x6" posts) in the pasture. i deadlifted the posts into the john deere bucket while the hubby chilled in the seat.

today was a quick 25 minute jog/walk.

so, i'm still at it! and my neighbor is challenging me to get back into bodybuilding shape. as if i have the five years to dedicate my life to it! ha!

and yet...

[HomeGymChains]

Good job on the persistence!!! I have faith in you. (And in the now-legendary fence post deadlifts )

[bamazav]

Athi, you know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. I have faith that you will accomplish whatever goal you set for yourself, even "bodybuilding shape."

[Mark1T]

lol!

okay, i am still working out although i stopped doing much of anything for about a month. shortly into that month i brought home a gift for me and my husband from work: the flu virus, which included a visit from its good friend, pneumonia. we're still battling it. he kept working out but it knocked me off my feet for a week.

my last bf test did not go well: i've lost 5.5lbs of muscle in these first 6 months of the year. it will take me a year to regain it. so i cried into a pint of luna & larry's coconut bliss non-dairy, gluten-free, sugar-free frozen dessert (which is better than any ice cream, ever), then got back to work. i'm doing a little each day just to get back to it. last week i had to work a noc shift and wore my jog bra to work, then headed out for a 20 minute jog at 1:20a.m. -- just to get something done that day.

yesterday was 40 pushups (bench, modified floor, incline against bar) followed by 40 bent over rows, followed by deadlifts in the field as the hubby and i take down fencing (along with the 6"x6" posts) in the pasture. i deadlifted the posts into the john deere bucket while the hubby chilled in the seat.

today was a quick 25 minute jog/walk.

so, i'm still at it! and my neighbor is challenging me to get back into bodybuilding shape. as if i have the five years to dedicate my life to it! ha!

and yet...

Queen Atheenie, what is this everybody getting sick? Wishing you and your hubby a swift recovery and listen to your neighbor

[Athena]

Queen Atheenie, what is this everybody getting sick? Wishing you and your hubby a swift recovery and listen to your neighbor

Well, I caught something from one of the residents at work and these viruses are opportunistic: They will find an opening in your immune system and attack with vengeance. The hubs even had a flu vaccine and a pneumonia vaccine and it sidelined him. I had bronchitis and bronchospasms for weeks. I returned to work after one week off and have been wearing face masks ever since. Every day. Without fail. Changing them every 30-45 minutes. I had a talk with the Director and the Resident Care Manager and the scheduler. I was very clear that I cannot afford to get sick like that ever again if I can help it. My immune system cannot handle it. I told them it is a deal breaker for me. One of the ward clerks originally said I'd have to buy the face masks if I'm using them to KEEP from getting sick instead of protecting the residents from me if I'm sick and I said that's fine, have the Care Manager talk to me. No one has said a word. A few nurses have asked why I am still wearing them and I've been very, very clear about it. The other nurses and aides have all come to my defense whenever a resident or someone questions me. This was the third time in six months of employment there that I'd gotten sick -- after years of not getting anything more than the sniffles. I CANNOT afford to get sick like that again.

Okay, confession time:

About 15 months ago, I started working as a caregiver in the private sector -- through DSHS and on my own. My first client was huge, if you remember, and bedridden. I had to pull this massive woman towards me on the incontinence pad, then push her over onto her side and strongarm her with one arm to hold her in place while I cleaned her -- had to do that for both sides and did it several times a day. Had to push and pull the Hoyer lift with her in it. Lots of bending and pulling and pushing and squatting in the job. My excuse for not working out was that my work was my workout. But that was a copout. Then from there I went to this facility. Lots of physical challenges when I'm on the floor as an aide, not so much when I'm a Med Tech.

I had excuses for not training very hard. Not to mention the excuse that our gym is in an unfinished barn and I don't have everything I need (playing tiny little violins here).

When I had had enough of the excuses, I went back at it and (no connection between the two) ended up having an "event" at work on May 7, which necessitated a call to the paramedics. I knew the EKG would be normal (it was) and my LPN drove me to my doctor's office for an emergency appointment (two blocks away) and the EKG there was normal. Seven weeks later, I failed a stress & echo. The cardiologist and the echo tech and the nurse were absolutely stunned at what they found. Given that the echo is only 85% accurate, the cardiologist suggested I go get an angiogram. I said no, that I don't want something invasive when I've had undefinable heart problems for 40 years. Because we live in a remote area of the country, I'd have to go to Seattle anyway for anything further. The cardiologist told me to cut my activities back by half until we could figure out what was going on.

I watched everything I'd been planning for go down the toilet. No more hiking to Base Camp on Everest next year. No more heavy weight lifting. No more this, no more that.

The hubby was out of town when I got the news. I drowned my sorrows in food and binge-watched stuff on Netflix until he came home. I also cried over email to Kaz.

Long story short, I'm going for a coronary CT at the end of September, and then leave the country for five weeks right away. My problem, which confounded the new cardiologist, is that what the folks in the echo room saw could only be seen when my heart was under stress; once my heart rate returned to normal, it vanished. So if it can only be seen when my heart is under stress, how do we know if we are going to be able to see it during a CTA or even an angiogram? Dumbfounded her. The reality is that without a second or even third stress & echo to try and duplicate the results, we don't know if we'll get a false positive or not from any other diagnostic tool.

My workouts have been sporadic and I've not been sore from one in a long time because I"m afraid to get sore and have to go to work and I'm afraid to overtax my heart now.

Between running a small global non-profit and working God-awful hours and my eating being off schedule and my sleep being out of whack and my book editor not at all happy with me missing deadline after deadline and worrying about my heart, I'd given up on a lot of things, including doing ANYTHING for myself.

What have I done for myself lately? I come home from work and pour a small bowl of LoveCrunch Chocolate Macaroon granola and top it with Dark Chocolate Luna & Larry's Coconut Bliss and binge-watch Schitt's Creek. At 1:00a.m. Or even 3:00a.m.

I don't like the way I look or feel. My weight is at 130 and I am terrified of doing another BF test to see how far I've slipped.

Since August 19, my workouts have been more regular. On Tuesday this week, I was envious of my husband's sore tri's and bi's (he did a soul-crushing new workout). I told him I missed being sore. So I did part of his workout and on Wednesday I was sore and I was soooo happy. I got on my bike trainer and spent 30 min's watching Better Late Than Never on NBC.com before they locked me out of the episode.

Yesterday, I took a day off rather than squeeze a workout in and get stressed over time.

Today I did a good leg workout:
(Standard bar, not Oly bar)

Deads: 40#-10; 50#-10; 60#-8; 70#-8; 40#-12

...Tough to get to 8 reps on the 70#. It's nothing compared to my old weight, but it was something.

SLDLs: 40#-10 x 4 sets

...Did these with my feet pointed straight forward so that I look kind of pigeon-toed to pull in the sides of the hips, kept my legs perfectly straight.

Standing lunges, bodyweight: 8 reps x 2 sets just as a little finisher

It wasn't much at all, but I'll be sore tomorrow and I was slowing down by the time I was done (working on an empty stomach).

At one point, during a break between dead sets, I went to the opened massive barn doors at the back of the barn, sat on the end of the John Deere 4044's field mower, and looked out the back door. What do I do for myself these days? Nothing. My workouts have to be for me and I have to respect myself enough to stick with it.

I miss running but likely will never do it again because of my arthritis in my feet and knees. I love bicycling but I'm a fair-weather, high-anxiety rider and I don't like the hills around here.

But I am a girl of the iron. It's something I'll always come back to.

[Samraiwise]

Welcome back my sister my lady, missed you so much.

It isn't fair that something bad keeps happening to people like you, who always put others before yourself and they say like "no good deed ever goes unpunished." And that also reminds me of the fact, people working as medical/health care personnel are also humans like us, who could be patients anytime especially with their hard and tough working conditions which put them in dangers facing directly other people's diseases. I am grateful for what you and others in your profession are doing, thank you. *bow*

I wish you a good result of the planned CT and hope to hear the good news from you.

BTW, what do you mean by "and then leave the country for five weeks right away.", you travel again to help others in your condition?

Take good care of yourself this time. Don't scare us any more, please put yourself before others JUST THIS ONCE.

Really, seriously and sincerely,
- your brother Kaz

[ElrondHubbard]

Well, I caught something from one of the residents at work and these viruses are opportunistic: They will find an opening in your immune system and attack with vengeance. The hubs even had a flu vaccine and a pneumonia vaccine and it sidelined him. I had bronchitis and bronchospasms for weeks. I returned to work after one week off and have been wearing face masks ever since. Every day. Without fail. Changing them every 30-45 minutes. I had a talk with the Director and the Resident Care Manager and the scheduler. I was very clear that I cannot afford to get sick like that ever again if I can help it. My immune system cannot handle it. I told them it is a deal breaker for me. One of the ward clerks originally said I'd have to buy the face masks if I'm using them to KEEP from getting sick instead of protecting the residents from me if I'm sick and I said that's fine, have the Care Manager talk to me. No one has said a word. A few nurses have asked why I am still wearing them and I've been very, very clear about it. The other nurses and aides have all come to my defense whenever a resident or someone questions me. This was the third time in six months of employment there that I'd gotten sick -- after years of not getting anything more than the sniffles. I CANNOT afford to get sick like that again.

Okay, confession time:

About 15 months ago, I started working as a caregiver in the private sector -- through DSHS and on my own. My first client was huge, if you remember, and bedridden. I had to pull this massive woman towards me on the incontinence pad, then push her over onto her side and strongarm her with one arm to hold her in place while I cleaned her -- had to do that for both sides and did it several times a day. Had to push and pull the Hoyer lift with her in it. Lots of bending and pulling and pushing and squatting in the job. My excuse for not working out was that my work was my workout. But that was a copout. Then from there I went to this facility. Lots of physical challenges when I'm on the floor as an aide, not so much when I'm a Med Tech.

I had excuses for not training very hard. Not to mention the excuse that our gym is in an unfinished barn and I don't have everything I need (playing tiny little violins here).

When I had had enough of the excuses, I went back at it and (no connection between the two) ended up having an "event" at work on May 7, which necessitated a call to the paramedics. I knew the EKG would be normal (it was) and my LPN drove me to my doctor's office for an emergency appointment (two blocks away) and the EKG there was normal. Seven weeks later, I failed a stress & echo. The cardiologist and the echo tech and the nurse were absolutely stunned at what they found. Given that the echo is only 85% accurate, the cardiologist suggested I go get an angiogram. I said no, that I don't want something invasive when I've had undefinable heart problems for 40 years. Because we live in a remote area of the country, I'd have to go to Seattle anyway for anything further. The cardiologist told me to cut my activities back by half until we could figure out what was going on.

I watched everything I'd been planning for go down the toilet. No more hiking to Base Camp on Everest next year. No more heavy weight lifting. No more this, no more that.

The hubby was out of town when I got the news. I drowned my sorrows in food and binge-watched stuff on Netflix until he came home. I also cried over email to Kaz.

Long story short, I'm going for a coronary CT at the end of September, and then leave the country for five weeks right away. My problem, which confounded the new cardiologist, is that what the folks in the echo room saw could only be seen when my heart was under stress; once my heart rate returned to normal, it vanished. So if it can only be seen when my heart is under stress, how do we know if we are going to be able to see it during a CTA or even an angiogram? Dumbfounded her. The reality is that without a second or even third stress & echo to try and duplicate the results, we don't know if we'll get a false positive or not from any other diagnostic tool.

My workouts have been sporadic and I've not been sore from one in a long time because I"m afraid to get sore and have to go to work and I'm afraid to overtax my heart now.

Between running a small global non-profit and working God-awful hours and my eating being off schedule and my sleep being out of whack and my book editor not at all happy with me missing deadline after deadline and worrying about my heart, I'd given up on a lot of things, including doing ANYTHING for myself.

What have I done for myself lately? I come home from work and pour a small bowl of LoveCrunch Chocolate Macaroon granola and top it with Dark Chocolate Luna & Larry's Coconut Bliss and binge-watch Schitt's Creek. At 1:00a.m. Or even 3:00a.m.

I don't like the way I look or feel. My weight is at 130 and I am terrified of doing another BF test to see how far I've slipped.

Since August 19, my workouts have been more regular. On Tuesday this week, I was envious of my husband's sore tri's and bi's (he did a soul-crushing new workout). I told him I missed being sore. So I did part of his workout and on Wednesday I was sore and I was soooo happy. I got on my bike trainer and spent 30 min's watching Better Late Than Never on NBC.com before they locked me out of the episode.

Yesterday, I took a day off rather than squeeze a workout in and get stressed over time.

Today I did a good leg workout:
(Standard bar, not Oly bar)

Deads: 40#-10; 50#-10; 60#-8; 70#-8; 40#-12

...Tough to get to 8 reps on the 70#. It's nothing compared to my old weight, but it was something.

SLDLs: 40#-10 x 4 sets

...Did these with my feet pointed straight forward so that I look kind of pigeon-toed to pull in the sides of the hips, kept my legs perfectly straight.

Standing lunges, bodyweight: 8 reps x 2 sets just as a little finisher

It wasn't much at all, but I'll be sore tomorrow and I was slowing down by the time I was done (working on an empty stomach).

At one point, during a break between dead sets, I went to the opened massive barn doors at the back of the barn, sat on the end of the John Deere 4044's field mower, and looked out the back door. What do I do for myself these days? Nothing. My workouts have to be for me and I have to respect myself enough to stick with it.

I miss running but likely will never do it again because of my arthritis in my feet and knees. I love bicycling but I'm a fair-weather, high-anxiety rider and I don't like the hills around here.

But I am a girl of the iron. It's something I'll always come back to.

My heart goes out to you, Athena, you've had a rough go. But I'm SO glad you're back. And yes, the workouts have to be for you!

[bamazav]

I am just glad to see you still at it, even if "It" changes from day to day. Take care of yourself and hubby. find what works for you and just stick with it. Consistency will get you to the finish line every time.

Praying for you.

[Athena]

Welcome back my sister my lady, missed you so much.

It isn't fair that something bad keeps happening to people like you, who always put others before yourself and they say like "no good deed ever goes unpunished." And that also reminds me of the fact, people working as medical/health care personnel are also humans like us, who could be patients anytime especially with their hard and tough working conditions which put them in dangers facing directly other people's diseases. I am grateful for what you and others in your profession are doing, thank you. *bow*

I wish you a good result of the planned CT and hope to hear the good news from you.

BTW, what do you mean by "and then leave the country for five weeks right away.", you travel again to help others in your condition?

Take good care of yourself this time. Don't scare us any more, please put yourself before others JUST THIS ONCE.

Really, seriously and sincerely,
- your brother Kaz

love you, my brother! i have been putting myself first. i leave for nepal on october 1, and will be there until october 31, then i leave there and spend four days in ***** trying to make connections before coming home. i have three projects in the works -- the elder care center (which is crumbling due to the rains and needs to be rebuilt), and the children's home (we are helping a french organization build a new home for the homeless children that they have been caring for for 10 years), and the children's hostel (so that we can bring underprivileged children from around the valley and they can attend my friends' highly rated school and have a place to live). most of this trip is work, yes, but some of it will be relaxing. and i'm respecting my "work only four days a week at the assisted living facility" rule. and i worked out again today!!

My heart goes out to you, Athena, you've had a rough go. But I'm SO glad you're back. And yes, the workouts have to be for you!

thanks so much. we all have had rough go's lately but my problems are miniscule, really. except for those ice-pick-stab-in-the-heart pains that i go through and that bring me to my knees. yeah, those aren't so much fun. i nearly wimped out on my pullovers tonight. i felt as if i'd "done enough", then reminded myself that i'm made of tougher stuff than that and did my fourth set.

I am just glad to see you still at it, even if "It" changes from day to day. Take care of yourself and hubby. find what works for you and just stick with it. Consistency will get you to the finish line every time.

Praying for you.

i miss my old body and i'm in competition with the photos of fit young girls at bb.com, and it doesn't matter that i'm old enough to be their mothers because i know my health could be better and yes my body could be in better shape. and yes i'm gonna be that shallow. i've got nothing but time. i'll get there. and thank you, also, for the prayers. i could use them.

~~ * ~~

tonight i squeezed in another workout. i didn't want to, but it was important to me to honor myself and what's best for me.

pushups against the bench: 20, 20(!wowza those were hard!), and 13 (failed)

flat flyes: 10# dumbbells - 12; 10# spinlocks - 10 x 4 sets
...nice stretch on these...really reached out to the sides and it felt good

x-bench close grip pullovers: 10# - 10 x 4 sets
...not super hard, but felt like a bit of a grind to get through...still don't know why i like to do pullovers on chest day, though

~~ * ~~

don't know about tomorrow. maybe a quick session on the bike trainer and core training?

cheers, all,
moi

[ElrondHubbard]

love you, my brother! i have been putting myself first. i leave for nepal on october 1, and will be there until october 31, then i leave there and spend four days in ***** trying to make connections before coming home. i have three projects in the works -- the elder care center (which is crumbling due to the rains and needs to be rebuilt), and the children's home (we are helping a french organization build a new home for the homeless children that they have been caring for for 10 years), and the children's hostel (so that we can bring underprivileged children from around the valley and they can attend my friends' highly rated school and have a place to live). most of this trip is work, yes, but some of it will be relaxing. and i'm respecting my "work only four days a week at the assisted living facility" rule. and i worked out again today!!




thanks so much. we all have had rough go's lately but my problems are miniscule, really. except for those ice-pick-stab-in-the-heart pains that i go through and that bring me to my knees. yeah, those aren't so much fun. i nearly wimped out on my pullovers tonight. i felt as if i'd "done enough", then reminded myself that i'm made of tougher stuff than that and did my fourth set.




i miss my old body and i'm in competition with the photos of fit young girls at bb.com, and it doesn't matter that i'm old enough to be their mothers because i know my health could be better and yes my body could be in better shape. and yes i'm gonna be that shallow. i've got nothing but time. i'll get there. and thank you, also, for the prayers. i could use them.

~~ * ~~

tonight i squeezed in another workout. i didn't want to, but it was important to me to honor myself and what's best for me.

pushups against the bench: 20, 20(!wowza those were hard!), and 13 (failed)

flat flyes: 10# dumbbells - 12; 10# spinlocks - 10 x 4 sets
...nice stretch on these...really reached out to the sides and it felt good

x-bench close grip pullovers: 10# - 10 x 4 sets
...not super hard, but felt like a bit of a grind to get through...still don't know why i like to do pullovers on chest day, though

~~ * ~~

don't know about tomorrow. maybe a quick session on the bike trainer and core training?

cheers, all,
moi

Geez, I'm proud of you, lady. Much, much respect.

[bamazav]

Geez, I'm proud of you, lady. Much, much respect.

With Dave and Kaz on this.
Being a giver often brings pain, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It can slow you down and discourage, but don't ever let the "takers," or the pain they cause, lead you to quit giving. Fight on! Proud of you.

[Athena]

Geez, I'm proud of you, lady. Much, much respect.

thanks, but don't be overly crazy with the respect. what i do is not sexy...the sexy work is in saving children and women from the sex trade and women's empowerment and schools for girls. i'm trying to get the kids BEFORE this $hit happens. we pay for schooling for girls at my friends' highly-rated school in kathmandu, but we'll raise funds for the hostel and the children's home even though they're co-ed...folks don't like that. they want to pay for only girl stuff. and no one seems to care about the elders who are being put out into the streets by their own kids or through circumstance...elder care isn't sexy. so i am struggling to raise even the tiniest bit of money towards all these projects. i don't qualify for many grants because i haven't been in business long enough -- and because the grants are so limiting they don't and won't give money to projects such as mine. so. well. there it is.

With Dave and Kaz on this.
Being a giver often brings pain, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It can slow you down and discourage, but don't ever let the "takers," or the pain they cause, lead you to quit giving. Fight on! Proud of you.

thank you for this. i needed to hear it this week. i'm feeling defeated and deflated because of the financial struggles. all admin expenses are coming out of my pocket, including this long trip coming up. i know if i keep working at it something will break my way...but i'm hoping i'm not broken spiritually, financially, mentally and physically before that happens.

~~ * ~~

okay, difficult day at work. we've lost four residents in less than a week -- today marked number five and by morning it will be number six. it's not the passing that's so hard (except for the one woman who was completely, utterly unexpected), but some things that happens during that time. today a woman passed on my shift. i called the nurse over from the other side of the building to assess and we stepped out into the hallway away from her to have a discussion. we both agreed that her air hunger was not the usual; she was going to pass very, very soon. the nurse asked if i'd called the daughter. i hesitated, felt everything in me tighten up. i said no, and that i wasn't going to. i said the daughter's presence agitated our resident and that ten hours ago the resident was alert and took a pill; as soon as her daughter left, the resident went unresponsive and seemed to be pushing hard to die before her daughter returned this evening. the nurse agreed and we went back into the room. i told the resident that it would remain between the three of us and that i wasn't going to call anyone. i told her she could pass any time and that i'd come back in a few minutes to check on her. she breathed once, had long, long paused, then breathed again, and we knew that was the sign she agreed...she'd had a longer than normal gap in breathing, and her respirations began to slow even more. she was gone in less than 30 minutes, and after she passed, i called the daughter. i was pleasantly surprised when she arrived. as upset as she was, she said she knew her mother had wanted her to pass when she wasn't there and that she didn't take her mother's decision personally to pass alone. i confessed to the care manager when she arrived on duty and she agreed with my decision. we all understand that the daughter doesn't know, and won't know, about my decision not to call her and tell her that her mother's passing was imminent. it's not really in my job description...but tonight it was.

so after today, which was -- all in all -- a good day, i arrived home and chose to go straight to the barn to work out at 11:00pm. i kicked out a nice shoulder workout in 30 minutes and am on such a high i don't know when i'll fall asleep!!

supersets:
overhead presses: 10#spinlocks - 10 reps x 5 sets
rear flyes: 10#db - 15, 15, 13, 13, 13

front/side raises: 10#db - 10 (ow!), 7 (yowza); 5#spinlocks - 10 (holy crap), 10 (couldn't take any more)

tri-angled presses: 3# plates: 10 reps x 4 sets

stepped outside to listen to my favorite sound in the world...coyotes right in the pasture about 30-40 feet away just hootin and hollerin up a storm. couldn't get it on video (i tried but forgot to press the "record" button *rollseyes*), then looked up to see my favorite sight in the world...a sky full of stars with the milky way soaring overhead.

my problems are still there...but they aren't problems right now.

good night everyone (and here's hoping the system will actually post this response!!)
athi

[ElrondHubbard]

That came darn close to putting tears in my eyes, Athena. I'm glad you have coyote songs for company. I love 'em too.