Been dealing with depression and trying to get back into it

[mgBsportsfan25]

I have been dealing with depression since 2017 due to being unhappy at my job at the time, my dad passing and my ex at the time dumping me when I first found out my dad had cancer. In the passing months I did accomplish some things like losing weight, getting a new job, etc.

Fast forward and I have tried going to a psychiatrist but over time felt like he wasn't helping. And I need to find a new doctor to discuss my problems. We never were rehashing anything that transpired that may have caused my depression in the first place.

I also started dating again but broke things off just the other day after 6+ months of dating. I was unhappy because she was in love with me and I didn't feel the same way. I broke things off because of it but also because I finally got motivated again when I visited NC and thought about relocating there. While we were dating I lost motivation in my life and found myself playing video games or sitting on the couch with most of my free time. I was no longer eating right or exercising. And to top it all off, my new job of over a year has gone to s*** because of hiring changes that have been made. I did get a promotion but they hired a bunch of morons that I am left babysitting.

Now I am back to being 230 and who knows how much bodyfat and about to turn 30. I feel like a failure to my parents and my friends aren't exactly all that motivating. And on top of that, I recently broke up with a girl I cared about but didn't feel like I had a future with. But in the same breath, I know I hurt her and that doesn't exactly help the already low self-esteem I have.

People, including the gf I broke up with, all say I am a great guy and deserve great things. She even said, you might not think you are a good guy, but you are, you just don't know it/realize it/think it.

I am moving back in with my mom to save up some money so I can relocate to NC soon. I am tired of the winters and the cost of living in New England. I joined a high quality gym and starting to get back into a program. I need to start eating better.

My question is, feeling sorry for myself is such a crappy feeling and definitely hurts my motivation. I was wondering if others have dealt with depression/weight gain and how you overcame some of the initial motivation hurdles?

[mgd24601]

You sound lonely.

I would fix this. Reach out to people who you would get along with. Consider it as important as going to the gym---because it is. Get to group therapy if nothing else.

It's very difficult to stay motivated and be happy without secure attachments. We can do it for a while, but right around 30, we begin to see how the loneliness is unsustainable.

[GladysMeyer]

True. Try socializing more!

[backinthegymbro]

I was wondering if others have dealt with depression/weight gain and how you overcame some of the initial motivation hurdles?

If the depression is really severe / suicidal type then there's no motivation. But if it's a depression as in willing to live but just feeling bad all the time, then the key is to know your goals.

Know why you want to go to the gym. Lose weight? Look better? Feel better? Anything specific? Like want to see what you can look like at your best, or walk on the beach and be ripped and have people admire your body? Or just a better self esteem by looking better?
Whatever it is, you need to know why you're lifting. Hold on to that vision in your eyes.

Then you need to use discipline and sticking to a routine. Yeah there will be (many) days where you don't feel like going. Some days you will forget why you're even in the gym. Why are you lifting these weights and breaking sweat when you feel like it all doesn't matter anyway. In those cases, remember your initial reason to lift. Remember your goals. And simply go through the grind. Some days you make strides other days it feels like you're in quicksand but you keep going 1 foot in front of the other, as a miscer once told me on here.

Finally: The only thing that cures a depression is fixing the problems causing it. Yeah you can learn to live with it and talk about it with a psychiatrist etc, but you'll never feel good until you actually change your life. So find out what's causing your depression and try to tackle it. Is it a bad job? Try to get a better one. Is it something else? Keep working hard and know if you give it your all, you can change your life.

Finally: Weight wise: First thing that will help is switch to diet soda and water. Don't drink stuff that has calories in it. Second, try to avoid snacking. No chips, no chocolate or candy etc. Maybe once a week but don't binge. And third, try to eat a bit healthy. In the end diet is important but so is exercise so try to do both.
Just like how you can change your body by putting in the work, so can you change your life op. You'll start feeling better when you get your life in order. For now, know what you want to accomplish and go for it. Put in the hard work and stay consistent, then you'll reap the benefits in the future. Good luck.

[HapaHaoleOkole]

Ah, yes, been dealing with depression all my life. If you have been depressed for a while, your brain chemicals change and you may need help more then just talking to someone. You may want to try anti depressants for a while to get up and going again to change your brain chemistry back. Once you become chemically depressed very difficult to do it on your own. I was caring for my Mom all alone for years, before she passed away so I know what illness in the family can do to you. I not only lost my Mom, I lost all my friends as well. It is very difficult to keep going when you are in it and even after, like in my case. I have what is know as caregiver ptsd. I would also keep a journal, write everything it. What you are doing, how you feel, even just a rant.

Also, you may want to stay clear of a relationship for a while. When you are not in the right place emotionally, you will end up with people you shouldn't be with or you won't be able to really be present in the relationship. I would spend the time working on yourself instead. Put your mental health first and the rest will follow after that.

With motivation, I would take one small step, whatever that is for you. It could be just getting up and taking a walk. It could be just getting in the shower when you just don't want to move. It could be just writing out a small goal for the week. You don't want to overwhelm yourself because that will make everything you are feeling worse. Just small steps and those are different for everyone, what is small for one person is giant for someone else.

Also, another thing you can check is your thyroid, get a full thyroid panel done. If your thyroid is not working properly it can effect your mental health as well as your weight among other things.

Feel free to message me if you feel like it. I don't mind chatting.

[joyknights]

I am so sorry to know about the things that have happened to you before. Try to surround yourself with a good company as a friend. Talk to your Mom about things that bother you. Do not let yourself get stuck with what happened in the past. You have to keep going and you need to complete and love yourself before loving others. If you need someone to talk too, remember that we are just here for you.

[serrotvsky]

Well, I have anxiety and depression since 2013. Psychiatrists don't like talking. Psychologists are there for a reason. They help you to deal with depression. I take medicine to help and exercise help A LOT on this. It's like a free medicine you have inside you.

Life has this up and down moments, you have to calm down yourself and go through it. I know is hard sometimes but don't give up!

[HahaRaptor]

Lifting is the best cure for a breakup. Ive been there dude, been through i failed engagement where the chick threw the ring in my face

[amojam]

Be patient with your progress, you're not competing with anyone to better yourself. Change has to start somewhere and it will be uncomfortable until you get used to it, leave your comfort zone every now and then and focus on yourself. It sounds corny but the easiest way to transition is to sit down and set goals for yourself. I would suggest sitting down and dedicating yourself to setting 20+ goals of varying length and difficulty, if you have difficulty with motivation like I did then you can start with the easy goals (chores, going for a walk, trying a new food, etc) and work your way up to the harder ones when you adjust to the motions. Wish you and anyone else like this the best of luck, you can do it I promise.

[jay283]

Antidepressants would help that and righting your wrongs, reaching out to those who've been there.

[tepih]

I am no stranger to having suicidal thoughts. When I was several years younger, it got so bad to the point that I had to go to a mental facility for weeks twice at 22 and then again at 27. . Sometimes, talking about it with someone that you really trust or a complete stranger can really help you out.

[dandyrandy1]

I have been dealing with depression since 2017 due to being unhappy at my job at the time, my dad passing and my ex at the time dumping me when I first found out my dad had cancer. In the passing months I did accomplish some things like losing weight, getting a new job, etc.

Fast forward and I have tried going to a psychiatrist but over time felt like he wasn't helping. And I need to find a new doctor to discuss my problems. We never were rehashing anything that transpired that may have caused my depression in the first place.

I also started dating again but broke things off just the other day after 6+ months of dating. I was unhappy because she was in love with me and I didn't feel the same way. I broke things off because of it but also because I finally got motivated again when I visited NC and thought about relocating there. While we were dating I lost motivation in my life and found myself playing video games or sitting on the couch with most of my free time. I was no longer eating right or exercising. And to top it all off, my new job of over a year has gone to s*** because of hiring changes that have been made. I did get a promotion but they hired a bunch of morons that I am left babysitting.

Now I am back to being 230 and who knows how much bodyfat and about to turn 30. I feel like a failure to my parents and my friends aren't exactly all that motivating. And on top of that, I recently broke up with a girl I cared about but didn't feel like I had a future with. But in the same breath, I know I hurt her and that doesn't exactly help the already low self-esteem I have.

People, including the gf I broke up with, all say I am a great guy and deserve great things. She even said, you might not think you are a good guy, but you are, you just don't know it/realize it/think it.

I am moving back in with my mom to save up some money so I can relocate to NC soon. I am tired of the winters and the cost of living in New England. I joined a high quality gym and starting to get back into a program. I need to start eating better.

My question is, feeling sorry for myself is such a crappy feeling and definitely hurts my motivation. I was wondering if others have dealt with depression/weight gain and how you overcame some of the initial motivation hurdles?

The only way to beat depression is to change your environment and stay active! Turn off your mind and do fun enjoyable type of workout sessions. Once you do that those bad feeling will pass....

[tepih]

Dandy has right, that helps a lot.

[Danoby1990]

OP, you've got a lot of solid advice here. I can relate... Personally, I find it helpful to force myself to do things that I normally would enjoy, even if I don't feel like it and even if I don't get the normal amount of enjoyment out of it.

Lately I've been in a bit of a slump myself. I'm going through a career change and can't get any traction. I can't find a good job despite my exhausting efforts and I'm pinching pennies every month to pay my mortgage. This stress puts me in a place where I negatively reflect on every other aspect of my life, like the fact that I'm still single and alone and so on.

I realize my problems sound insignificant to others, and that's an important perspective to maintain. No matter how big your problems are, someone out there has way bigger problems. One thing I can try to cling to, even when it's tough as hell, is this: No matter what, I can still get in gym and push some weight around! No one can take that away. I can hear CT Fletcher now. Look up CT Fletcher quotes, watch a video of Zydrunas Savickas on YT, and start pumping! Everything else can take a backseat when it's time to push some iron around.

[Ordrin]

"Lost Connections" by Johann Hari helped me a lot - it helped me identify the drivers of my depression so I could take action, I quit my job I hated, got another one, went to the gym, and improved my diet. I recommend you read it. I am the opposite, I had really bad depression and exercise and nutrition in part broke it. Self care is an important element to beating back depression, and exercise and nutrition are important elements of self care.

[UACK7]

This is not uncommon, and you should not feel you are in this alone. The most important key to success at dealing with depression is your outlook. And yes it is much easier said than done but it is the truth. Do not beat yourself down, who is benefiting from this? Get professional help, but realize it has to come within you. Think of it as you are on an island, with no one around, but all the needed tools to get back to civilization. Who is going to get you off that island? YOU! And you can do it. You will need strength and courage but it is possible. One problem with leaning on others around you such a family, girlfriend, friends, etc., is the possibility to become codependent. This will make it to where if you're not in range of someones company and only being happy when around them, then you are miserable when they arent around. The point is to become happy with yourself first, and then let yourself be the positive light in others life. Good luck, friend.