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    The moment where you see your ex with their new partner

    Awkward? Mixed feelings? What is the protocol when it comes to acknowledging them? I expect to come across them at a gathering, not sure to just nod/wave or to make small talk
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    Act cool; your relationship is over and she has moved on. No need to be enemies, but no need to be friends either if you're not interested. Introduce yourself if the opportunity arises.
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    I dont acknowledge
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    Originally Posted by sdoo View Post
    Act cool; your relationship is over and she has moved on. No need to be enemies, but no need to be friends either if you're not interested. Introduce yourself if the opportunity arises.
    This

    Originally Posted by Vertigo5891 View Post
    I dont acknowledge
    Cos this just reeks of butthurt
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    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    This



    Cos this just reeks of butthurt
    Circumstances... you wouldn't understand
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    Originally Posted by pillowhair View Post
    The moment where you see your ex with their new partner
    You think 'Ha ha ha, that poor bastard'.
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    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    A friend approached me with the following question, I don't know how to answer it, so I'm posting it ITT hoping someone can shed some light on it. Hope you don't mind Opie.

    .....

    Is it okay for your spouse to have lunch/dinner with their ex if they have a child together when they go to visit where the child lives?

    Context: although the spouse says he doesn't have feelings for his ex, his ex definitely still has feelings for him. She hasn't moved on, he has gotten married again. His explanation is that he has to meet up with his ex to discuss the child's schooling etc.

    My take on it was - why can't he discuss the schooling via phone? He doesn't really need to meet up with his ex other than to pick up/drop off the child.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    A friend approached me with the following question, I don't know how to answer it, so I'm posting it ITT hoping someone can shed some light on it. Hope you don't mind Opie.

    .....

    Is it okay for your spouse to have lunch/dinner with their ex if they have a child together when they go to visit where the child lives?

    Context: although the spouse says he doesn't have feelings for his ex, his ex definitely still has feelings for him. She hasn't moved on, he has gotten married again. His explanation is that he has to meet up with his ex to discuss the child's schooling etc.

    My take on it was - why can't he discuss the schooling via phone? He doesn't really need to meet up with his ex other than to pick up/drop off the child.
    If she still has the feels then it is not okay. If they're both well adjusted adults then it would be fine, but in this scenario, one if them is not.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    A friend approached me with the following question, I don't know how to answer it, so I'm posting it ITT hoping someone can shed some light on it. Hope you don't mind Opie.

    .....

    Is it okay for your spouse to have lunch/dinner with their ex if they have a child together when they go to visit where the child lives?

    Context: although the spouse says he doesn't have feelings for his ex, his ex definitely still has feelings for him. She hasn't moved on, he has gotten married again. His explanation is that he has to meet up with his ex to discuss the child's schooling etc.

    My take on it was - why can't he discuss the schooling via phone? He doesn't really need to meet up with his ex other than to pick up/drop off the child.
    The focus is on the child

    The child needs to know that the adults in his life are capable of friendly social connection and that hasn’t impacted on your mutual love for the child

    So of course they should take meals together

    United parenting front

    The complicating factor is the woman’s (supposed) ongoing feelings. If that is true then that has to be dealt with clearly first.
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  10. #10
    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shmobin View Post
    If she still has the feels then it is not okay. If they're both well adjusted adults then it would be fine, but in this scenario, one if them is not.
    Hmm. I agree.

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    The focus is on the child

    The child needs to know that the adults in his life are capable of friendly social connection and that hasn’t impacted on your mutual love for the child

    So of course they should take meals together

    United parenting front
    Hmm, I see. But is it necessary?
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  11. #11
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    Acknowledge and keep it moving
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Hmm. I agree.



    Hmm, I see. But is it necessary?
    Is it necessary to prioritise the child over the adults?

    YES
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  13. #13
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    It was eight years ago, she’s wayyy taller than him, I lol’d so hard she started laughing too.
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  14. #14
    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    Is it necessary to prioritise the child over the adults?

    YES
    They live in two different places. They have conversations via phone/video all the time about the kid. I don't think it's necessary to have lunch tbh. It's kind of disrespectful towards the current partner. Your view is a little warped on the matter of meeting up with the opposite gender when in a relationship.

    So would it be okay for the chick to meet up with HER ex to have lunch then? Maybe they have something important to discuss too?
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    I suppose it really depends on how the relationship ended... good terms or bad... Personally I will say when I am done... Im done... means I have no feelings one way or another . So if we separated on good terms... act accordingly like you would anybody else you know... if it went bad... then you may get a glance in your general direction but I wont feel compelled to say $hit...
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  16. #16
    Registered User Legz422's Avatar
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    To the OP. Always take the high road. Depending on the circumstances of running into them, you can just smile, say hi while walking past and be done with it. If you're forced into a situation where more small talk is needed, do the required chit chat while being polite and then walk away with your head held high.

    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    A friend approached me with the following question, I don't know how to answer it, so I'm posting it ITT hoping someone can shed some light on it. Hope you don't mind Opie.

    .....

    Is it okay for your spouse to have lunch/dinner with their ex if they have a child together when they go to visit where the child lives?

    Context: although the spouse says he doesn't have feelings for his ex, his ex definitely still has feelings for him. She hasn't moved on, he has gotten married again. His explanation is that he has to meet up with his ex to discuss the child's schooling etc.

    My take on it was - why can't he discuss the schooling via phone? He doesn't really need to meet up with his ex other than to pick up/drop off the child.
    As someone who is divorced with a shared child, I don't see anything wrong with meeting in public for lunch/dinner. How do they know she still has feelings? Does she make passes at him and act inappropriately? That could make a difference, but if she acts appropriately then I see nothing wrong with it. They are the parents of that child for the rest of that childs life and need to act like adults for the childs sake. If the new wife is that insecure, she can always be present at the lunch/dinner. This past mothers day my ex and his wife invited me to church and Mothers Day brunch with both sets of parents. We also went to dinner for my sons birthday last month. It was me, my son, my ex and his step daughter. His wife had a prior commitment so couldn't make it. While it does feel a bit awkward to me, I do what I need to do to make sure my son is happy and mentally healthy regarding our divorce.
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    ^^ that is to be applauded

    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    They live in two different places. They have conversations via phone/video all the time about the kid. I don't think it's necessary to have lunch tbh. It's kind of disrespectful towards the current partner. Your view is a little warped on the matter of meeting up with the opposite gender when in a relationship.

    So would it be okay for the chick to meet up with HER ex to have lunch then? Maybe they have something important to discuss too?
    And I believe your view is warped, but I also appreciate your background, religious views and how your life partner was found in a traditional Muslim way. That doesn’t mean those who do not share your, some might say old fashioned, moral outrage are less worthy of opinion you know.

    Interesting how you seem to believe sex is so very overpowering and dirty and people cannot prioritise their children over sexual desire. People, despite misc vibe, do not always stoop to their basest level

    Maybe your views will change after you have children? Who knows?
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    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    ^^ that is to be applauded



    And I believe your view is warped, but I also appreciate your background, religious views and how your life partner was found in a traditional Muslim way. That doesn’t mean those who do not share your, some might say old fashioned, moral outrage are less worthy of opinion you know.

    Interesting how you seem to believe sex is so very overpowering and dirty and people cannot prioritise their children over sexual desire. People, despite misc vibe, do not always stoop to their basest level

    Maybe your views will change after you have children? Who knows?
    Thanks Rabbit. I'm sure it makes a big difference in that I have no feelings for him beyond that we shared 17 years together and share a son. I can say though, that because I do love my son and want him to be happy and healthy, even if I still had feelings, I would suck it up and act like an adult and co parent the same way I have been. I will do whatever I have to for my son.

    I also agree with what you've said to Muzzie. I'd say the majority of adults can control themselves, even when feelings are involved. That's why I asked if she acts inappropriately. That will make a difference in my response, but more to if she can't control herself he should bring his wife along for the meeting. She is involved in that childs life and schooling as well so it's entirely appropriate for her to be there also.
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    Registered User MuzzieChik786's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    As someone who is divorced with a shared child, I don't see anything wrong with meeting in public for lunch/dinner. How do they know she still has feelings? Does she make passes at him and act inappropriately? That could make a difference, but if she acts appropriately then I see nothing wrong with it. They are the parents of that child for the rest of that childs life and need to act like adults for the childs sake. If the new wife is that insecure, she can always be present at the lunch/dinner. This past mothers day my ex and his wife invited me to church and Mothers Day brunch with both sets of parents. We also went to dinner for my sons birthday last month. It was me, my son, my ex and his step daughter. His wife had a prior commitment so couldn't make it. While it does feel a bit awkward to me, I do what I need to do to make sure my son is happy and mentally healthy regarding our divorce.
    Yea, I said the same thing. Meeting up together with his ex should be fine. I just don't see the need to meet alone with her. Will find out more and report back.

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    Interesting how you seem to believe sex is so very overpowering and dirty and people cannot prioritise their children over sexual desire. People, despite misc vibe, do not always stoop to their basest level

    Maybe your views will change after you have children? Who knows?
    Have you read the threads on here? Specifically about male/female relationships from the male perspective? I agree it might not be ALL people, but 90% of men don't see themselves being in a non-sexual friendship with a female. That probably includes exes.

    It's not about me. Yea, if I have kids, it still doesn't mean I'd change my core. I don't believe in promiscuity and that won't change.

    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Thanks Rabbit. I'm sure it makes a big difference in that I have no feelings for him beyond that we shared 17 years together and share a son. I can say though, that because I do love my son and want him to be happy and healthy, even if I still had feelings, I would suck it up and act like an adult and co parent the same way I have been. I will do whatever I have to for my son.

    I also agree with what you've said to Muzzie. I'd say the majority of adults can control themselves, even when feelings are involved. That's why I asked if she acts inappropriately. That will make a difference in my response, but more to if she can't control herself he should bring his wife along for the meeting. She is involved in that childs life and schooling as well so it's entirely appropriate for her to be there also.
    I don't know much about it tbh. She was ranting about how she felt he got all dressed up and cleaned up to go meet his ex. But I think that could be more all in her head than anything else.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Yea, I said the same thing. Meeting up together with his ex should be fine. I just don't see the need to meet alone with her. Will find out more and report back.



    Have you read the threads on here? Specifically about male/female relationships from the male perspective? I agree it might not be ALL people, but 90% of men don't see themselves being in a non-sexual friendship with a female. That probably includes exes.

    It's not about me. Yea, if I have kids, it still doesn't mean I'd change my core. I don't believe in promiscuity and that won't change.



    I don't know much about it tbh. She was ranting about how she felt he got all dressed up and cleaned up to go meet his ex. But I think that could be more all in her head than anything else.
    Would be interesting to know more about the dynamics between them. It would be pretty chitty for the ex wife to make passes with him being remarried.

    IMO, what it all boils down to is being an adult and sucking it up for your kids sake.
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    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    The focus is on the child

    The child needs to know that the adults in his life are capable of friendly social connection and that hasn’t impacted on your mutual love for the child

    So of course they should take meals together

    United parenting front

    The complicating factor is the woman’s (supposed) ongoing feelings. If that is true then that has to be dealt with clearly first.
    uh. no.

    spending time together with an ex you have children with confuses the children and creates false hope for the children.
    They are children.
    you can tell them a million times mommy and daddy will never live together again and every time you do something together with them as a family it F's with their heads.

    I will be cordial and go to school functions and birthday parties but we don't do lunch or dinner or anything social together at all.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Have you read the threads on here? Specifically about male/female relationships from the male perspective? I agree it might not be ALL people, but 90% of men don't see themselves being in a non-sexual friendship with a female. That probably includes exes.

    It's not about me. Yea, if I have kids, it still doesn't mean I'd change my core. I don't believe in promiscuity and that won't change.

    .
    Holy cow, you’re not taking misc as representative of normal viewpoints all of a sudden are you?

    Why are you making out that I do believe in promiscuity when what I believe in is morality, honour, trust and ethics.

    Yes I have more life experience than you do because of both age and circumstance. IMO I also have a healthy attitude to sexuality and relationships which is borne out by my personal success in long term relationship

    It is not promiscuous to co-parent in a healthy and demonstrably collaborative way. It is moral if you cannot parent together to maintain an element of care for your child’s other parent.
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    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    uh. no.

    spending time together with an ex you have children with confuses the children and creates false hope for the children.
    They are children.
    you can tell them a million times mommy and daddy will never live together again and every time you do something together with them as a family it F's with their heads.

    I will be cordial and go to school functions and birthday parties but we don't do lunch or dinner or anything social together at all.
    How old are your kids? Maybe I look at this differently because my son was 12 at the time of divorce and is now 17. I see nothing wrong with doing a birthday dinner or lunch together. My ex inlaws even invite me to Easter at their house. I've only gone once due to availability, but I see nothing wrong with keeping a relationship with the ex's family intact.
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Would be interesting to know more about the dynamics between them. It would be pretty chitty for the ex wife to make passes with him being remarried.

    IMO, what it all boils down to is being an adult and sucking it up for your kids sake.
    Will find out more.

    Originally Posted by NitrogenWidget View Post
    uh. no.

    spending time together with an ex you have children with confuses the children and creates false hope for the children.
    They are children.
    you can tell them a million times mommy and daddy will never live together again and every time you do something together with them as a family it F's with their heads.

    I will be cordial and go to school functions and birthday parties but we don't do lunch or dinner or anything social together at all.
    See, this makes more sense to me. I haven't given any advice yet, because honestly, I don't know. But they live on opposite sides of the country and he picks up and drops of the child once a year. However, from what I know, they already discuss everything on the phone about the child's education and progress (their child is 5 I think).

    IMO, it's disrespectful for them to meet up to his wife. But again, I'm not a parent nor have ever been in such a tricky situation. So I dunno.

    Originally Posted by Rabbitjb View Post
    It is not promiscuous to co-parent in a healthy and demonstrably collaborative way. It is moral if you cannot parent together to maintain an element of care for your child’s other parent.
    I dunno homie. Seems disrespectful of meeting up with his ex when everything can be done via phone. And as I mentioned, the ex is still holding out a torch for dude.
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    Not one single fuk given.
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    Originally Posted by MuzzieChik786 View Post
    Will find out more.



    See, this makes more sense to me. I haven't given any advice yet, because honestly, I don't know. But they live on opposite sides of the country and he picks up and drops of the child once a year. However, from what I know, they already discuss everything on the phone about the child's education and progress (their child is 5 I think).

    IMO, it's disrespectful for them to meet up to his wife. But again, I'm not a parent nor have ever been in such a tricky situation. So I dunno.



    I dunno homie. Seems disrespectful of meeting up with his ex when everything can be done via phone. And as I mentioned, the ex is still holding out a torch for dude.
    Oh wait wut? How does that work? Do they meet up at airport for switch off, or he's expected to go to her home to drop the kid off? I still say I don't see an issue with it if he has no feelings for the ex. If the kid is in their presence during this lunch/dinner it's not like anything could happen anyway.
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    beat his ass OP. Or shake his hand and say "your better not hurt my girl". Its the only way
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    How old are your kids? Maybe I look at this differently because my son was 12 at the time of divorce and is now 17. I see nothing wrong with doing a birthday dinner or lunch together. My ex inlaws even invite me to Easter at their house. I've only gone once due to availability, but I see nothing wrong with keeping a relationship with the ex's family intact.
    My kids were roughly 2.5 and 6 months (they are 2yrs apart born 3 days apart) when I caught my ex-wife cheating so my oldest remembered her living at my house and would ask for yrs after when "mommy will come live with us again".

    as for the OP?
    She's living with the guy who she cheated on me with.
    he's even more of a manlet than me and scared to death of me. LOL
    I personally would like to shake his hand for taking her off mine but he won't get close enough to me to do that.

    As for my ex, every time she see's me with someone younger and hotter than her (which describes every woman I've dated since divorce) she losses her damn mind. LOL!
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    Originally Posted by Legz422 View Post
    Oh wait wut? How does that work? Do they meet up at airport for switch off, or he's expected to go to her home to drop the kid off? I still say I don't see an issue with it if he has no feelings for the ex. If the kid is in their presence during this lunch/dinner it's not like anything could happen anyway.
    He sees his child once a year

    So absent father ..yeah sure sounds like ex is interested if one of them moved to the other ends of the country

    Colour me sceptical
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    Throw a huge fit, blow up her phone and send her a ton of letter. Good luck OP
    Very truly yours
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