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  1. #661
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Sup ya'll?

    Well hot damn, near-fasted training this morning, trying a new thing where I have coconut water for carbs instead of water and it's working great. Just 10oz plus some EAA powder and it seems perfect to avoid reflux from solid foods.

    Hit a GREAT session...

    Barbel Rows

    135x10
    155x8
    155x8
    145x9
    145x9

    Weighted Pull Up

    +10 x 8 for 4 Sets

    DB Curls

    4 sets of 10 with 27.5lb

    Laterals

    3 sets of 12 with 20lb

    Hanging Leg Raise

    3 sets to failure


    Been really focusing on nailing my surplus lately and it's been showing great results. Really pleased with my rate of gain right now.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  2. #662
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Finally... FINALLY... hit 200x5 on squats this morning, along with other PRs for this bulk =o)


    Squats

    175x6
    195x5
    195x5
    200x5 (PR)

    Romanian DL

    155x10 (PR)
    155x9
    155x8

    Pendulum Squats

    100x12 (PR)
    100x12
    100x11
    100x11

    Seated Ham Curls

    115x12
    115x11
    115x11

    Standing Calf Raise

    180x18
    180x18
    180x18

    Cable Crunches

    3 stes of 15
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  3. #663
    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Finally... FINALLY... hit 200x5 on squats this morning, along with other PRs for this bulk =o)


    Squats

    175x6
    195x5
    195x5
    200x5 (PR)

    Romanian DL

    155x10 (PR)
    155x9
    155x8

    Pendulum Squats

    100x12 (PR)
    100x12
    100x11
    100x11

    Seated Ham Curls

    115x12
    115x11
    115x11

    Standing Calf Raise

    180x18
    180x18
    180x18

    Cable Crunches

    3 stes of 15
    Dasitmane! What do you think it was that changed with your diet &/or mindset toward bulking?
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  4. #664
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    Dasitmane! What do you think it was that changed with your diet &/or mindset toward bulking?
    In terms of hitting new PRs or just the commitment change?

    I think the PRs are a combination of my body accumulating enough underlying repairs from the ED over the last several weeks/months that it can finally dedicate more of the energy I'm taking in to repairing muscle and not just fixing my CNS, hormones, organs, bones, etc... I'm now sleeping better, feeling happier, less stressed... it's EVERYTHING else that needed fixing before muscle growth could become a priority at all.

    In terms of mentality, one big, BIG thing that switched was a desire to stop wasting time.

    Once I finally started to see strength progress, any day I would have restricted before now seems like an insult to my training, because going into a session I now feel obligated to be over-fed in order to do the work. For example, now if it's an off-day, I have zero desire to restrict or lower calories because I know that tomorrow I NEED the energy to lift big. I had become so used to this fatigued, sore, tired feeling that I just thought that's how everyone felt.

    Now that I finally OVER-fuel myself on purpose, I realize that training can actually GIVE me energy and not just drain my body into nothing. After a huge meal now, in my mind I'm not thinking "uh oh, the fat gain!".... instead, i'm thinking, "hell yes, imagine the crazy pumps I'll have tomorrow!".

    It just started feeling good to feel strong... it took a lot of repeated exposure to get there though.. for sure.

    One last thing that comes to mind is that I simply started valuing feeling happy and energetic over feeling in control of my leanness. Again, it took repeated exposure and time for my body to sufficiently repair in order for the happiness/energy to really kick in, but now that I see how much better it feels, I would NEVER consciously choose feeling lean/in control over feeling happy, energized, and focused.

    I think one of the major genetic components to those who develop ED's from restriction is that starvation triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline which gives us this tunnel vision, much like anyone who has experienced the profound fight or flight response from a stressful event. That focus/tunnel vision can be addicting, it kind of pulled me in, because you feel in control from all those hormones circulating and blocking out the real world... it takes away the feelings of hunger and desire and your whole life becomes an enslaved reality wherein you just want to cling to the control. Then, when you finally start feeding yourself, that focus and control goes away, and it feels wrong, un-hinged, and out-of-control... it can be really scary.
    Last edited by AdamWW; 02-12-2020 at 08:21 AM.
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  5. #665
    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    In terms of hitting new PRs or just the commitment change?

    I think the PRs are a combination of my body accumulating enough underlying repairs from the ED over the last several weeks/months that it can finally dedicate more of the energy I'm taking in to repairing muscle and not just fixing my CNS, hormones, organs, bones, etc... I'm now sleeping better, feeling happier, less stressed... it's EVERYTHING else that needed fixing before muscle growth could become a priority at all.

    In terms of mentality, one big, BIG thing that switched was a desire to stop wasting time.

    Once I finally started to see strength progress, any day I would have restricted before now seems like an insult to my training, because going into a session I now feel obligated to be over-fed in order to do the work. For example, now if it's an off-day, I have zero desire to restrict or lower calories because I know that tomorrow I NEED the energy to lift big. I had become so used to this fatigued, sore, tired feeling that I just thought that's how everyone felt.

    Now that I finally OVER-fuel myself on purpose, I realize that training can actually GIVE me energy and not just drain my body into nothing. After a huge meal now, in my mind I'm not thinking "uh oh, the fat gain!".... instead, i'm thinking, "hell yes, imagine the crazy pumps I'll have tomorrow!".

    It just started feeling good to feel strong... it took a lot of repeated exposure to get there though.. for sure.

    One last thing that comes to mind is that I simply started valuing feeling happy and energetic over feeling in control of my leanness. Again, it took repeated exposure and time for my body to sufficiently repair in order for the happiness/energy to really kick in, but now that I see how much better it feels, I would NEVER consciously choose feeling lean/in control over feeling happy, energized, and focused.

    I think one of the major genetic components to those who develop ED's from restriction is that starvation triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline which gives us this tunnel vision, much like anyone who has experienced the profound fight or flight response from a stressful event. That focus/tunnel vision can be addicting, it kind of pulled me in, because you feel in control from all those hormones circulating and blocking out the real world... it takes away the feelings of hunger and desire and your whole life becomes an enslaved reality wherein you just want to cling to the control. Then, when you finally start feeding yourself, that focus and control goes away, and it feels wrong, un-hinged, and out-of-control... it can be really scary.
    Damn that was very well-said & I completely agree with that last part. I'm still that way outside of exercise & diet. The way I throw myself into work in general gets those hormones running and I block the world out. I've just had to learn over time to respect that I need to "jump off that ride" of stress hormones so-to-speak & actively choose to disengage or even force myself to relax.

    It also makes sense that your body prioritized organ/CNS repair over gains for quite some time, & I'm 100% with you on how good it feels to be in a surplus when you know it's gonna lead to an amazing workout.
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  6. #666
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    Damn that was very well-said & I completely agree with that last part. I'm still that way outside of exercise & diet. The way I throw myself into work in general gets those hormones running and I block the world out. I've just had to learn over time to respect that I need to "jump off that ride" of stress hormones so-to-speak & actively choose to disengage or even force myself to relax.
    Dude same here... this is likely also a big reason folks with ED's tend to be of higher intelligence and also somewhat obsessive/compulsive in different aspects of their lives... I know that's true for me.
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  7. #667
    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Dude same here... this is likely also a big reason folks with ED's tend to be of higher intelligence and also somewhat obsessive/compulsive in different aspects of their lives... I know that's true for me.
    Yup. It takes a lot of work for people like us not to get complete tunnel vision in pursuit of things. This isn’t all bad, though, because many if not most people tend more towards losing sight of their goals because they’re unable to tune everything out & focus on what they want.
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  8. #668
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    Yup. It takes a lot of work for people like us not to get complete tunnel vision in pursuit of things. This isn’t all bad, though, because many if not most people tend more towards losing sight of their goals because they’re unable to tune everything out & focus on what they want.
    Totally. You see similar traits in people who develop other mental disorders as well... we tend to live in extremes within certain aspects of our lives, vs others who have a very easy-going or fluid approach to life and their ambitions. I'm a perfectionist, a clean-freak, a worrier, and have had both generalized anxiety and panic disorders... if the problematic aspects of our brains can be managed, we can do some pretty awesome stuff.
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  9. #669
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Hit 205x5 on squats today for my last 2 working sets. Felt LIGHT!
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  10. #670
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Now +15lb on the scale, my Test levels have tripled =o)
    The power of carbs compels me!
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  11. #671
    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Now +15lb on the scale, my Test levels have tripled =o)
    DASITMANE!!! You’re extremely lucky to recover your test too! A lot of people younger than you lose it forever. Do you have a final weight in mind or are you just gonna continue to gain & let the chips fall where they may in a couple months?
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  12. #672
    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    DASITMANE!!! You’re extremely lucky to recover your test too! A lot of people younger than you lose it forever. Do you have a final weight in mind or are you just gonna continue to gain & let the chips fall where they may in a couple months?
    Well I'm thinking waaaay past months... I have a lot of weight to gain still... we're talking LONG term bulking. Years!

    To be honest, I used to have a 'goal' but honestly I don't see a point in setting that kind of thing for a couple reasons:

    1. I've never actually given myself enough time while lifting to realize my potential or how I feel/look at higher weights... so I really don't even know what that world would be like.
    2. It might give me a false sense of comfort in my recovery if I set a goal weight, get there, and feel like I've done enough.

    What I DO know is that, health-wise, I've only had blood work come back 100% awesome when I was OVER 160lb. I also know when I was 172lb I was the strongest I had ever been. However, I stopped bulking because anorexia came back and I shriveled down to nothing again.... I probably could have kept going closer to 200lb and still been fairly lean if I gave it long enough. I was probably around 15% at 172lb.

    In my entire life, my heaviest ever was just below 190, as a super chubby teenager... and the closest I've been since then is that 172 number... and I should have kept going.

    So for now, I don't have a number where I plan to stop, also in part because I never plan to intentionally cut again, ever.

    That being said, my guess is that I'll be able to get to between 180 and 200 in the long term while being at an athletic body comp and feeling good... so anywhere between 15-20% between those two weight areas.

    In a way, I kind of want to challenge myself mentally to get to 200 as a milestone and major f*ck-u to my ED.... so really, I just want to build as much muscle as possible while staying healthy. I'm not too concerned about abs and all that, as long as I'm fit and performing well, etc.

    But I won't lie... if I would bet I would look jacked AF weighing 190 at 15% or better. =o). But I do wanna know what it feeels likee to be 200lb... just for the strength level!
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    Registered User Strawng's Avatar
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    This sounds like a great approach. I also scrapped the idea of a “goal weight” & just focused on slowly gaining. I’m actually continuing that process & DO NOT see myself stopping (forever bulking crew).
    Last edited by Strawng; 06-16-2020 at 05:03 PM.
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    team ketchup AdamWW's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    This sounds like a great approach. I also scrapped the idea of a “goal weight” & just focused on slowly gaining. I’m actually continuing that process & DO NOT see myself stopping (forever bulking crew).
    I don't see a point to stopping either. I know that, at this point, my body seems to LIKE being between 12% and 16% bodyfat, somewhere in that range when I'm not restricting.... probably closer to 14%. If it ends up going over, that's fine, but I doubt it'd ever be by much just because Im active. Eventually I'm sure my settling point would just kick in and my appetite would tank, but that's a ways off.

    In short, I just wanna get as strong and 'big' as I can while being as healthy as I can.
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    Originally Posted by AdamWW View Post
    Now +15lb on the scale, my Test levels have tripled =o)
    Awesome news man congrats!! Keep up the progress

    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    DASITMANE!!! You’re extremely lucky to recover your test too! A lot of people younger than you lose it forever. Do you have a final weight in mind or are you just gonna continue to gain & let the chips fall where they may in a couple months?
    This is a scary thing to read in regards to the testosterone being gone forever.. lol
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    Read the whole thing over a couple of days, so impressed well done Adam. Would rep but on spread.

    I can't imagine what an eating disorder must be like and how much courage it would take to overcome, so many props for that. The only similar thing I can relate to is recovering from intravenous drug addiction, giving up that one thing that has become your entire life, the source of every goal, every thought, every action, every habit no matter how small (it also led to me becoming 126lb at times at 5'10'' so maybe something in common :P ) and having to start again completely new. Your posts (many pages back) about learning to walk again and being born again hit a chord. Everything is suddenly cast in a new and unfamiliar light which can sometimes be so frightening but sometimes can be novel and exciting.

    On a side note have been on a wincing emotional rollercoaster through the tale of your various stomach ailments, glad to see you have worked out which foods will help you settle this in the past year or two.

    Subbed even if updates are more sporadic from now on. Well done on your progress!
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    Originally Posted by AlexSays View Post
    Read the whole thing over a couple of days, so impressed well done Adam. Would rep but on spread.

    I can't imagine what an eating disorder must be like and how much courage it would take to overcome, so many props for that. The only similar thing I can relate to is recovering from intravenous drug addiction, giving up that one thing that has become your entire life, the source of every goal, every thought, every action, every habit no matter how small (it also led to me becoming 126lb at times at 5'10'' so maybe something in common :P ) and having to start again completely new. Your posts (many pages back) about learning to walk again and being born again hit a chord. Everything is suddenly cast in a new and unfamiliar light which can sometimes be so frightening but sometimes can be novel and exciting.

    On a side note have been on a wincing emotional rollercoaster through the tale of your various stomach ailments, glad to see you have worked out which foods will help you settle this in the past year or two.

    Subbed even if updates are more sporadic from now on. Well done on your progress!
    Very well-said! +1 to everything & reps on RC. I've had both anorexia and addiction issues & what you're saying really cuts to the heart of both. It's all about making your life about just one thing and one thing alone, even if that thing is completely self-destructive. It really takes massive balls to let your whole world go and choose recovery.
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    Originally Posted by Strawng View Post
    Very well-said! +1 to everything & reps on RC. I've had both anorexia and addiction issues & what you're saying really cuts to the heart of both. It's all about making your life about just one thing and one thing alone, even if that thing is completely self-destructive. It really takes massive balls to let your whole world go and choose recovery.
    Thanks! Definitely feel behaviors like this are all connected in the way they can influence you. The brain can often be the enemy!
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