AdamWW's Retrospective 'Intuitive Eating' Test Log

[AdamWW]

This morning was the first morning in as long as I can remember where my joints, muscles, and body in general felt not horrible from the prior day's workout.... I didn't feel cold or weak or 'broken down', either.

In fact, I woke up feeling ready to train today, not extremely food focused... kind of 'normal' I guess. Hell of a difference.

[AdamWW]

Latest news:

- Hired an online coach (who you're probably familiar with) for training programming and also keep me accountable with my diet process. So far, been very useful, new program is very different than I'm used to but the variety is cool.
- Appetite still quite variable, some days it's quite strong, others I can barely manage 2500. Food selection will continue to be something I need to polish up in terms of finding things that 'sit well' for weight gain.
- Sister was in the ICU, thus lots of family stress, but she's doing better
- Sleep also variable, good days and bad; yesterday was a good day

Otherwise, food focus has been still going down... though I will have swings in mood and appetite, I'm having more 'good times' than bad, honoring cues more often, and making progress.

[AdamWW]

Today was my second day on the new coached program... I actually really enjoyed it...

It'll be interesting to see how I progress with this method vs standard linear, but switching things up can feel good in and of itself sometimes.

OHP
55x8
55x8
55x8
55x8


BB Row
105x8
105x8
105x8
105x8


Chins
7-7-7


Skullcrushers
40x14-14-14


Laterals
10x17-17-16




The rep ranges are definitely going to take some adjustment, but to be honest it actually was refreshing to go high on certain movements.

I also ended up having to drop the weight on OHP and rows after getting a form review.

[TheGymJim]

Ah new program. Noice. Glad you're doing well with everything mate!

[AdamWW]

Ah new program. Noice. Glad you're doing well with everything mate!

Doing well hitting numbers for sure... not easy though... woke up this morning heaviest I've been in 3-4 months and it's definitely taking all i got to fight the ED voices ya know?

However, having another objective goal (strength, etc) in place to focus on really helps.

[TheGymJim]

Doing well hitting numbers for sure... not easy though... woke up this morning heaviest I've been in 3-4 months and it's definitely taking all i got to fight the ED voices ya know?

However, having another objective goal (strength, etc) in place to focus on really helps.

I guess it'll take a while to reconcile your logical brain which is telling you that gaining weight is positive with your illogical brain telling you it's not, but you're definitely on the way man.

[AdamWW]

I guess it'll take a while to reconcile your logical brain which is telling you that gaining weight is positive with your illogical brain telling you it's not, but you're definitely on the way man.

It's a topic I ponder a lot, actually, and probably more than I should.

However, I have made a significant amount of consistent progress in avoiding negative emotions - or ANY emotions at all - when it comes to assessing, measuring, and 'feeling' my weight/body change.

Objectively, even when I was losing weight recently, I knew gaining was the 'right' thing to do... but I'm a creature of habit, and after a time of conditioning - coupled with poor hunger cues from both mental and quantifiable food controls - it became second nature.... I didn't even realize how I was suffering because I got used to the suffering.

But now, with oversight and accountability in place, as well as checks and balances for which I need to hit certain numbers, it becomes much much easier. It's more of a project now with defined milestones in place, which really helps me.

[AdamWW]

Man this bulk is getting good.

Feeling soft as hell, but strong... even on days where I don't get awesome sleep (thanks for nothing high-carb diet!)... I hit my training goal targets for the day.

Deadlifts today were super smooth... even legg press gained 20lb... all my joints even feel good. Crazy...

[AdamWW]

I find rolling gets rid of the soft squeamishness and makes you feel hard. I think it distributed built up fluids.

so firm and hard and thick.



in the muscles.

[AdamWW]

i mean it is a muscle... May it throb for you.

boing!

[Grappa]

Today was my second day on the new coached program... I actually really enjoyed it...

It'll be interesting to see how I progress with this method vs standard linear, but switching things up can feel good in and of itself sometimes.

OHP
55x8
55x8
55x8
55x8


BB Row
105x8
105x8
105x8
105x8


Chins
7-7-7


Skullcrushers
40x14-14-14


Laterals
10x17-17-16




The rep ranges are definitely going to take some adjustment, but to be honest it actually was refreshing to go high on certain movements.

I also ended up having to drop the weight on OHP and rows after getting a form review.

Just a good tip Adam, get some bands and do some facepulls at home for shoulder rehab, that amout of OHP volume is not good for your AC joint. Personally if i am feeling like doing some OHP i just go heavy with maybe 2 warmup sets, after that x5 x3 x1-2 and if i feel like after this i do some stupidly heavy push jerks.

[Strawng]

Feeling soft as hell, but strong... even on days where I don't get awesome sleep (thanks for nothing high-carb diet!)... I hit my training goal targets for the day..

You still increasing your fats or does your coach have you on a higher carb approach now? And do more carbs impact your sleep or make you softer? Also, in my own recovery, I've been amazed to find how much physical pain I was constantly in without fully realizing it. Keep up the great progress & you'll feel MANY negative emotions you were blocking out & second, third, & fourth guess yourself over your new lifestyle. But I can assure you you'll also feel happiness that you haven't known in years & realize there's a much better, fuller way to live.

[AdamWW]

You still increasing your fats or does your coach have you on a higher carb approach now? And do more carbs impact your sleep or make you softer? Also, in my own recovery, I've been amazed to find how much physical pain I was constantly in without fully realizing it. Keep up the great progress & you'll feel MANY negative emotions you were blocking out & second, third, & fourth guess yourself over your new lifestyle. But I can assure you you'll also feel happiness that you haven't known in years & realize there's a much better, fuller way to live.

Right now I'm focusing on total calories and trying to see how my body respond to different things while still honoring any kind of real cravings I have. It's a very hard balance to strike because some of the goods I crave honestly make me feel physically horrible 5 hours later, but I crave them so I want to get back into the habit of eating them to satisfy my urges.

So really my coach only cares about total energy and protein, which is easy for me anyway, so hitting those aren't the issue.

Carbs certainly bloat me with water, etc, but it depends, and right now it's so unpredictable. Again, trying to just eat without restraint while also trying not to be in near agony isn't always possible. Sometimes I get zero sleep, and I'm a zombie the next day... it's not fun.

Then I have days where seemingly i eat almost the same things, but I feel fine...

Some of my newest concerns are around tracking bodyweight due to bloat/constipation, etc... scale weight can swing many, many pounds from night/day and day to day because of the **** I put my body through.... i'll wake up feeling/looking softer and have gained like 3 pounds in 1-2 weeks and feel proud of it, then i'll have a bathroom issue and lose all but 1/2 a pound of it... it's insanely hard to know what to expect...

With 100% honesty though I will say, the feeling of bloat/water puffiness is probably the worst part... I've gotten use to (or, MORE use to anyway) feeling a thicker stomach fold when I sit (even though it's still barely there), feeling a little extra softness around the ol' love handles, etc... and even not seeing ab veins... but I what i cannot seem to get used to is feeling basically out of breath, tired, and full of gas/pressure all day... it makes sleeping and focusing so difficult, and going out with friends very unappealing... but I'm trying, it's just a lot of pain some times..

[AdamWW]

Does your gym have rowing machines or bikes? I find that's great to get cardio up over threadmills or ellipticals. Lemme know if you need any advice on that.

No cardio for me right now... too triggering.

[AdamWW]

I made that post an hour ago and have zero recollection of posting it or anything earlier today. Not even drunk or drinking. o.O


Cardio triggers me regardless.

silly ol' bear

[AdamWW]

As I suspected, my stomach bug threw off my weight tracking. I'm still in a 'gained a bit' state, but not at well as I hoped. I'm thinking I might have a bad reaction to too many eggs... serves me right I guess. Going to stop with the eggs and see if that gets better... it's not even just the pain, it's that it makes me too sick to eat. Not a level of nausea I can just 'push through' either... I honestly almost went into the doctor because I felt so ill.

It's a little better today but I definitely have that queezy feeling in my guts. Probably going to be a non-lifting and total rest day where I just sloth and don't move at all and just eat as much as I can so gain a bit back.

Pancakes anyone?

[AdamWW]

guts are in bad shape. dunno what's going on. might need to go to urgent care if it doesn't improve... kind of at a loss.

[AdamWW]

Hating to knock on wood but... I think... I might be better from this stupid stomach bug. Thank God.

Still managed to add weight to OHP yesterday which is great.

Deadlift/lower body tomorrow... looking forward to it!

[AdamWW]

Checked myself into ER today... no obvious cause. Blood work had usual slightly out of range things, nothing major. Negative for C-Diff...

Really getting sick of this... it's day #6 and it's starting to really frustrate me. Barely sleep, nauseous, and many other very unpleasant things. Unsure how to fix it.

Things that were low:

RBC
WBC - Specifically lymphocyte and Neutrophil
Hemoglobin
Hematocrit
MCV
MCH
Anion Gap
Platelet

High:

BUN

[boo99]

Adam sending you healing vibes bro, all the best for a fast recovery !

[AdamWW]

Adam sending you healing vibes bro, all the best for a fast recovery !

Thanks bud... just hoping for answers.

For all I know, it could be stress induced considering all the horrible things happening with my sister right now, and perhaps I just don't know it. Sadly, I cannot train at all while this is happening, but that's a very small component of the concern... the bigger issue with me being in this condition is that is ruins my appetite. The pain/pressure/nausea is severe enough that food simply makes me sick, among other very unpleasant symptoms I will spare anyone outside of the doctors office.

The blood work they did was actually promising, because although some were out of range, many were actually closer to reference than they had been in prior tests recently. Also testing negative for the C-Diff thing was good.

I guess it's jut watchful waiting, but I really cannot afford to lose weight from this... and the people in the ER shared a similar concern, especially when they saw my resting HR was like 43bpm, and my BP sits around 95/60

[boo99]

Thanks bud... just hoping for answers.

For all I know, it could be stress induced considering all the horrible things happening with my sister right now, and perhaps I just don't know it. Sadly, I cannot train at all while this is happening, but that's a very small component of the concern... the bigger issue with me being in this condition is that is ruins my appetite. The pain/pressure/nausea is severe enough that food simply makes me sick, among other very unpleasant symptoms I will spare anyone outside of the doctors office.

The blood work they did was actually promising, because although some were out of range, many were actually closer to reference than they had been in prior tests recently. Also testing negative for the C-Diff thing was good.

I guess it's jut watchful waiting, but I really cannot afford to lose weight from this... and the people in the ER shared a similar concern, especially when they saw my resting HR was like 43bpm, and my BP sits around 95/60

Ah man sorry to hear

A vicious cycle in that you cant eat but need to not lose weight from all this, dam

43? What is your HR and BP usually?

[AdamWW]

Ah man sorry to hear

A vicious cycle in that you cant eat but need to not lose weight from all this, dam

43? What is your HR and BP usually?

thats about what it usually is if i'm laying down/relaxed

[boo99]

thats about what it usually is if i'm laying down/relaxed

Get well please

Im sending more vibes for you

Keep us posted

[AdamWW]

Get well please

Im sending more vibes for you

Keep us posted

Much appreciated sir.

[AdamWW]

I hate to knock on wood... but... i think I might be feeling a bit better.

No good news with my sister yet but, it's good I can actually think clearly. Had 9 trips to the bathroom yesterday, woke up very light...

I went to the gym today while I had SOME energy... Deadlift actually was up -- not quite to the progression scheme, but it was up... added 10% from last week, and the progression on all my other supporting movements was up.

So, there is at least that, and I'm hoping I continue to improve. We shall see.

[AdamWW]

Officially over the stupid, stupid stomach bug. Sadly it seems I have a bit of rebound 'back-up' after so much of the opposite, but my guts don't feel like a ticking timebomb like they did.

On the lifting front, my deadlift went up =o)

Bench, sadly, did not, but seeing as how I'm coming off of the stomach bug, I wasn't expecting much... just didn't seem to be absorbing everything I was eating if you know what I mean.

So today is an off day, possibly tomorrow too but we'll see. I tried even during the illness to get my nutrition in but I wasn't able to every day... just could not stomach it.

So, for today, i'm going to be doing some intentional over-feeding even beyond what I usually would, probably where in the 4-5k range. I feel very depleted and still mildly weak, which isn't good for my frame right now.

On a totally unrelated note, my sister's condition is worsening... family is very stressed, worried... and I have to say it's effecting my hunger and recovery... i feel kind of out of control. However, on the flip side of that is also an urge to make sure that I take care of myself so my parents can see I'm proving, too.

Planning on probably hitting up salt & straw today for a scoop. A few of their new options sound super tasty.

[AdamWW]

Just had a major win, for me.

After waking up with zero hunger, I decided to deny my signals and eat regardless, which - after a period of disinterest during the beginning of the meal - ended up being a 1500 calorie breakfast...6 eggs, toast, almond butter, turkey bacon, berries, whole milk yogurt...

Surprisingly... i feel good. Like really good.

[AdamWW]

What a great start to the weekend....

Finally good news with the family: sister is finally showing improvements... I managed to hit 4k calories yesterday... didn't get horrible sleep (not good, but not horrible)... and my stomach still isn't all sick like it was for a week.

I was considering taking a second off-day from lifting but i'm kind of feeling energized from the good news, so we'll see.

[AdamWW]

So I ended up doing my lower body squat day today...

Due to my stomach bug from last week, I ended up repeating the targets instead of a deload. This time, I hit them all

To be honest I'm not hungry at all right now after eating a little more than usual yesterday, but I've made a commitment to 3.5k every day with no excuses, so I'll probably have to stay up a bit and get it in somehow... maybe a shake, I dunno.

Either way, still good stuff... really happy with how it turned out.