AdamWW's Retrospective 'Intuitive Eating' Test Log

[AdamWW]

Oh yes, I understand what you mean about filling you up longer now

Hard to change bro but Im sure you will in time

Small changes FTW

Oh i have my tricks, I do...

Been drinking more coconut water instead of calorie-free items, higher-calorie fruits like mango/banana in place of berries... more salmon and eggs in place of turkey and chicken...

[AdamWW]

Just found some of the best motivation possible to continue my higher calories and ED recovery...

old videos of myself from my last successful bulking phase in 2012... i was 172lb... which is freakin 44lb heavier than I am now...

And frankly, i'm not even that big.... I look fit and lean... but that's it... that's the same period I hit my all time strength PR's...

Looking back, and looking where I am now... just... damn... I wanna look like this again:



please excuse my stupid faces... haha










looking at my body now.... man... sad. Motivating but... sad...

[AdamWW]

I'm not sure how to word this, but you look happier and healthier then. Sorry. But you're doing something about it now, and that's what matters. Also, you remind me of that guy from that fitness program site. Move U or something like that.

Oh I was massively healthier... stronger... more energy... everything.

[boo99]

Oh I was massively healthier... stronger... more energy... everything.

This will return Adam !

[AdamWW]

Or we can force feed him like a duck making foi gras.

I may not be vegan anymore, but ZERO chance i'll eat that ****... horrible...

[AdamWW]

I've had it a few times before. It isn't bad but it also isn't something I got wowed about.

I meant morally I couldn't bring myself to order something that requires forced torture.... I have my limits

[AdamWW]

I mean, people listen to Beyonce. That's torture.

self-inflicted tho

[AdamWW]

Feeling kind of conflicted today to be honest.

I woke up feeling incredible... like better than I've felt in a LONG time, which i'm surprised about after PR'ing with Squats yesterday and golfing today while WALKING...

In general it's estimated that 18 holes of golf plus the warmup period is between 1000-1200+ calories burned over 4-5 hours...

The thing is, I had TONS of energy all day... but even after a massive meal after getting home, i'm only at like 130 protein, 275carbs, and about 45 fat... there's no WAY that's a surplus.... no way. And yet, i'm not hungry and feel awesome after this eating my dinner.

I'm sure I'll be hungry prior to bedtime and everything but probably not for much more than greek yogurt and cereal... which is kind of my go-to, maybe with some PB.

But to be honest, I hardly think this will even rack up to 2700 calories...

Starting to wonder about my appetite and everything... I want to improve my relationship with food and tracking, so the idea is to NOT eat unless I want to... but if I feel awesome on a day like today without more food... not sure how to handle that. I'm honoring all my hunger, yet objectively, I feel like it's nowhere near enough. That, plus I'm golfing again tomorrow quite early, and I hate waking up feeling like there's still food in my system from the night before.

I guess we'll see. Kind of annoying tho.

[AdamWW]

Well, what you must understand that not everyone is the same. I can eat a specific meal for breakfast clocking in at 500 kcal and not be hungry at all for 24 hours. Does that mean I shouldn't eat?
.

Confused by this... what do you mean?

[AdamWW]

Sorry, it was rhetorical. Let me try again.


I can wake up feeling great and energetic like you did today. Eat a meal and not get hungry for hours, sometimes even 24 hours. Does this mean I shouldn't eat because I'm not physically hungry or should I eat and take in my daily calorie allotment to maintain a healthy body?

That's my point though: having a calorie 'allotment' goes against what I'm trying to do here by eating in a way that feels good and natural...

I don't believe stuffing food into my body if i'm genuinely not hungry is a 'normal' thing to do in terms of trying to be more in-tune with my body and what it needs/wants.

[AdamWW]

Yeah, but you're missing the point of my post. Don't focus on an allotment in your case. You want to eat but don't feel hungry and don't eat as a result leading to a repeat of the situation. I get where you're coming from, albeit from an another angle. There have been times where I've had a large portion of red meat (steak) and haven't felt a bit hungry in almost 48 hours. It doesn't mean I'm going to follow the age-old adage of not eating because I'm not physically hungry. I wouldn't feel guilty about eating when I wasn't hungry in that event.

I guess in a way it's like someone grilling and eating 12 hot dogs with buns and condiments, a steak, grilled cheese, cake or cheesecake and ice cream all in a short period of time and then falling ill and not wanting to throw up because "it's such a waste," then telling themselves they'll never do it again, only to do it nearly every day to every other day for a week to a few weeks at a time, and then they go back to eating "normally."

That's not quite what I'm getting at here....

There is zero guilt if I eat something without hunger. My point is, I don't feel a desire to eat because I'm not hungry, nor am I thinking about food from a state of desire...

Rather, I am recalling what I have eaten (per this thread's purpose) and realizing that 'hmm.. i'm pretty damn sure I burned and need more than that... so... why don't I want food right now?'.

Would I feel BAD mentally about forcing in food? Of course not...

Would I feel that it goes against what I'm trying to do in a sense because it contradicts my venture? Yea, kind of...

Again i'm not saying I won't feel hungry in like 10 minutes, i'm just kind of surprised and trying to jungle many factors... being as lean and thin and light as I am, most people complain about constant hunger because of low leptin, etc, and yet I tackled today like a boss and felt awesome the whole time... just seems weird.

[AdamWW]

well certainly making up for lost time today... by my estimate, already over 3k, so i'm happy.

Also won my golf match despite only getting 2 hours of crap sleep... pretty awesome

[Strawng]

being as lean and thin and light as I am, most people complain about constant hunger because of low leptin, etc, and yet I tackled today like a boss and felt awesome the whole time... just seems weird.

This isn't true in your context. Other people are constantly hungry at your body fat percentage because they temporarily maintain it. You've been starving yourself chronically, so your body's signals aren't going to be as strong. The body wants to maintain homeostasis. You've been restricting yourself and hovering around the same weight for a long time now due to your illness, so of course you're not as hungry as say a IFBB pro who temporarily dieted down for a competition. You've been hungry long enough that you're numb to it. Thinking your hunger cues at this weight are accurate is like thinking someone suffering from heat stroke can adequately gauge how much water they need. When I was in the hospital for my eating disorder, few of us were ever hungry. It was extremely painful and sickening in fact to eat as much as I needed to. I ONLY recovered my hunger cues and the ability to eat intuitively once I recovered some weight. The more weight I gained, the hungrier I became and I didn't want to go back to eating less, but I had to push myself to slight discomfort to reach that point. Furthermore, testosterone & other hormones that are down-regulated due to starvation make you hungrier but there's a catch-22: you gotta eat more to wanna eat more. Outside of all that, I tend to be hungrier on my rest days because cardio blunts my appetite & so do many others: https://www.shape.com/healthy-eating...y-on-rest-days. Still, the fact remains that your intuitive eating will most likely leave you at your current weight that you've been maintaining for months on end because your body craves homeostasis & isn't going to suddenly give you proper hunger and fullness cues when you've done this for as long as you have. I strongly urge you to set some sort of caloric minimum lest you risk continuing to piss into the wind. The gains that you'll feel in terms of energy and wellbeing, over the long haul (& it takes awhile trust me) are more than worth the discomfort.

[AdamWW]

This isn't true in your context. Other people are constantly hungry at your body fat percentage because they temporarily maintain it. You've been starving yourself chronically, so your body's signals aren't going to be as strong. The body wants to maintain homeostasis. You've been restricting yourself and hovering around the same weight for a long time now due to your illness, so of course you're not as hungry as say a IFBB pro who temporarily dieted down for a competition. You've been hungry long enough that you're numb to it. Thinking your hunger cues at this weight are accurate is like thinking someone suffering from heat stroke can adequately gauge how much water they need. When I was in the hospital for my eating disorder, few of us were ever hungry. It was extremely painful and sickening in fact to eat as much as I needed to. I ONLY recovered my hunger cues and the ability to eat intuitively once I recovered some weight. The more weight I gained, the hungrier I became and I didn't want to go back to eating less, but I had to push myself to slight discomfort to reach that point. Furthermore, testosterone & other hormones that are down-regulated due to starvation make you hungrier but there's a catch-22: you gotta eat more to wanna eat more. Outside of all that, I tend to be hungrier on my rest days because cardio blunts my appetite & so do many others: https://www.shape.com/healthy-eating...y-on-rest-days. Still, the fact remains that your intuitive eating will most likely leave you at your current weight that you've been maintaining for months on end because your body craves homeostasis & isn't going to suddenly give you proper hunger and fullness cues when you've done this for as long as you have. I strongly urge you to set some sort of caloric minimum lest you risk continuing to piss into the wind. The gains that you'll feel in terms of energy and wellbeing, over the long haul (& it takes awhile trust me) are more than worth the discomfort.

very much appreciated man, and good to see you here. I will definitely take this advice and see how I might apply it right now.

Though I'm not sure about what # to set, I imagine a minimum of 3k on non-golfing days and more like 3.5k on golfing days would be a good start. Feedback always appreciated.

[MosToorani]

Good luck, Adam!

Cheers,

MT

[AdamWW]

Good luck, Adam!

Cheers,

MT

Thanks Mos!

[AdamWW]

Totally pulling this from my ass, but I find with little to no sleep, I have laser focus because I care about is being focused and awake, and push everything out of my mind. Things that would invade my mind if I was well rested. I'll even do chores I don't like to do but have to, like doing laundry, ironing, folding and putting away. Cleaning things I hate cleaning. Or being at work and just flying through paperwork or signing off on stuff and going through the material like a bullet train. Though then I feel like crap for a week after the fact. Like a strong hangover.

Definitely caught me off guard... NO idea why. But hey, I ain't complainin.

[AdamWW]

Upper body workout went well yesterday.

Added a couple reps on Chins and now I’m going to add weight next week as I was able to do 4 sets of 8 with body weight alone.

Also, was very pleased with my ability to not do any activity outside of my lifting: felt the urge to do cardio, but didn’t do it. Napped instead.

I loosely tracked my calories and.... got 3.7k

Happy with that number, it did involve eating a bit behind fullness tho, but I picked up some ‘easy’ calories in the form of peanut butter and granola which I can eat without issue.

[MosToorani]

Apple Fritters .. Godsend ..

Cheers,

MT

[AdamWW]

Apple Fritters .. Godsend ..

Cheers,

MT

Oh I haven’t had one of those in a while! I’m usually a cake donut guy! Might have to try

[AdamWW]

Lower Body Pull session was pretty solid

Added a rep to my deadlifts... definitely adding 10lb next session... no doubt.

Post workout meal I had 2 breakfast burritos (home made), bunch of veggies with cheese, and some chocolate milk.

[AdamWW]

Awesome job. One that amazes me when it comes to lifting is that you can add maybe 10 or 15 lb (if your gym's got 2.5 lb plates) and you think you can do it but your body refuses to move the weight. That extra 10 or 15 lb makes a huge or yoooge (if you want to imagine the idiot in chief's voice) difference. I remember getting back into the gym years ago, long before my accident, and thinking it didn't matter until I tried it out. Or if you can get it moving, you have issues completing the movement.

And then sometimes you just have this surge of power and inner happiness and you somehow PR with an extra 50-70 lb but won't get close to it for a long time. Human body is really weird.

I've had that happen before plenty of times. I've also hit PR's when I felt like total crap.... the irony is real.

In this case, I guess maybe it's mental as well as diet-related because I'm eating a lot of carbs at the moment and trying to 'spill over' on purpose.

My stomach kind of feel like a balloon but, I guess that will pass with time. I've been lowering my veggie/fiber intake which seems to help and changing more into high fat options.

[boo99]

Lower Body Pull session was pretty solid

Added a rep to my deadlifts... definitely adding 10lb next session... no doubt.

Post workout meal I had 2 breakfast burritos (home made), bunch of veggies with cheese, and some chocolate milk.

Congrats my friend !

[Strawng]

I've had that happen before plenty of times. I've also hit PR's when I felt like total crap.... the irony is real.

In this case, I guess maybe it's mental as well as diet-related because I'm eating a lot of carbs at the moment and trying to 'spill over' on purpose.

My stomach kind of feel like a balloon but, I guess that will pass with time. I've been lowering my veggie/fiber intake which seems to help and changing more into high fat options.

I swear I always hit PRs on the days I feel the most chitty whether it be a sickness, fatigue, or just a general blah feeling. I also always have my best lifts when I feel “spilled over” from carbs the day before. & I’ve had horrible bloat for years, particularly in the early days of my recovery, & the first thing I do in response to extra bloat is reduce my fiber intake. It sucks because I actually genuinely prefer a lot of fiber rich foods to the alternative, but it’s better than being unable to breathe from gas pains.

[AdamWW]

I swear I always hit PRs on the days I feel the most chitty whether it be a sickness, fatigue, or just a general blah feeling. I also always have my best lifts when I feel “spilled over” from carbs the day before. & I’ve had horrible bloat for years, particularly in the early days of my recovery, & the first thing I do in response to extra bloat is reduce my fiber intake. It sucks because I actually genuinely prefer a lot of fiber rich foods to the alternative, but it’s better than being unable to breathe from gas pains.

A-f*ckin-men to this dude.

I'm sure once i'm weight-restored closer to my 'settling point' I will get that spilled over strong feeling I used to get... oh man I miss that feeling... but for right now, I have a suspicion that due to my leanness and bodyweight my body just partitions nutrients and calories in an abnormal way; ie - any extra energy is being used for repairing vital damage and thus the muscle-building process is just not a priority, which is also why I have eating way more calories/carbs near my workouts to make 100% sure I never exercise/lift without a surplus of on-tap calories.

Also, x10000 on the fiber comment: I even feel this may be related to the changes in gut permeability/absorption seen in people recovering from restrictive ED's... your body is fighting for energy calorie it can get, so if all this bound fiber/protein/etc is in the way, of COURSE things are going to slow down, maintain water, you name it. Again, it comes down to GAINING weight, and making sure that there is a CONSTANT surplus. People who are at a reasonable weight and BF don't need to deal so much with this because they have some means of reserves on hand... I do not... so my body is fighting to create that backup system to prevent me from dying.

One thing I have found is that simply increasing fat intake in place of protein and choosing sources of carbs I can digest easily reduces the issue. But I totally agree... I love higher-fiber carbs largely for texture, flavor, and just overall food options... but yeah, can't win them all

I've found being pissed off to be a great motivator and push me to levels I didn't know were possible. Mostly thanks to adrenaline.

This is why I always punch my neighbors dog before a squat session.

Such a bitch.

The dog, too.

[AdamWW]

The same neighbor who invites you for coffee and has an obvious thing for you? Or was that before you moved?

I don't wanna talk about it. We're not on good terms, she and I

[AdamWW]

Well damn...

Upper body bench/row focus today...

every main lift is up 5%.... in a week.

intra-workout carbs and all these calories are doing the trick. Shyt felt light as hell... very pleased

[AdamWW]

Must have transferred to me. Struggled with everything this morning.

Ah lame.

Only thing I'm struggling with is allergies. Shyts pissing me off.

Otherwise though, everything just felt light... my joints felt smooth and comfy... and I was even in a huge rush, too...

[AdamWW]

I switch off between Zyrtec and Allegra, or their generic counterpart whatever it is. Both give some interesting dreams.

Really? Weird... they're supposed to be pretty free of side effects

I've taken claritin before but felt I developed a tolerance...it's been years, but I might have to start again.

Interestingly I never had allergies growing up, just started a few years back. Shyt makes me feel like i'm spinning and gunna pass out.

[Heisman2]

The allergy docs I have worked with all said Claritin is inferior to Zyrtec (also Allegra). If you have nasal symptoms Flonase is great but take 2 weeks to kick in fully.