Moral Dilemma.

[dinosaurus1987]

You don't even have to feel bad for them. That's even better.

Damn!

[TheAdlerian]

You know, you can feel bad for someone and not be in their life, right? You can forgive someone and not excuse their behavior either, too? This girl is probably a Borderline Personality Disorder, plus even more crazy from drugs.

She actually has a mix of Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline, or she's a complete psychopath in the real clinical sense of the term.

She told me that her and an old boyfriend would drug girls, she would have lesbian sex with them, to prove to the girls they liked homosexuality. She is friends on facebook with the first lesbian to have raped her as a child. She has sold drugs, identity theft, child abuse, her kids were taken from her, and so on. I found out all of that after she acted like an innocent victim who just wanted a family, which is something I ALWAYS WANTED and she would say that every time I got angry at her.

She enjoys violent sex, manipulating people, and so on.

She told me she doesn't understand feelings and has none for her kids. She described her dad as a psychopath and he's in jail for murder.

All of that is the description of a psychopath. Borderlines tend to have a lot of emotions about things to the point where they get overwhelmed.

[TheAdlerian]

You don't even have to feel bad for them. That's even better.

In real life, I'm a very calm person who is always smiling and laughing. I crack my patients up, my coworkers, and my friends, but in this case I have horrible mix of intense anger, like I'd like her to relapse and die from heroin versus wish we could just make up. I don't mean get back together, but just end it on a very positive note.

It's WAY out of my typical behavioral range to be in conflict with myself. Typically, I know exactly what I want to do and how to do it, so this has been painful.

Also, I'm a fighter type. If someone challenges me, I will immediately go at it, but mix that with love/sympathy and it's a crazy mix.

I hate it.

In addition, my current gf seems to really love me. One of her friends even contacted me to tell me so, as my gf lives a distance, and I think worries. So, I feel guilty spending time thinking about this crazy ex over my current gf.

That's also unlike me since I typically can only love one person at a time.

[TheAdlerian]

Adlerian you are a very smart man, going through a tough time, be strong I believe in you, others can not make any difference

Thanks brother!

I'm a super confident person but have had a pretty disappointing love life. I have also given up lots, like a family, for my career and so love and potential family means a lot to me. This stuff she directly said she wanted and it sucked me in.

My mission is to finish my current work goals and get together with the current gf and treat her like a queen, which I'm damn good at.

[TheAdlerian]

This thread cant be real life surely

Sadly, it is.

I almost never make threads because I have no questions for other people, but rather answers.

This situation has been very depressing and scary at times, so I had to get it off my chest.

[dinosaurus1987]

She actually has a mix of Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline, or she's a complete psychopath in the real clinical sense of the term.

She told me that her and an old boyfriend would drug girls, she would have lesbian sex with them, to prove to the girls they liked homosexuality. She is friends on facebook with the first lesbian to have raped her as a child. She has sold drugs, identity theft, child abuse, her kids were taken from her, and so on. I found out all of that after she acted like an innocent victim who just wanted a family, which is something I ALWAYS WANTED and she would say that every time I got angry at her.

She enjoys violent sex, manipulating people, and so on.

She told me she doesn't understand feelings and has none for her kids. She described her dad as a psychopath and he's in jail for murder.

All of that is the description of a psychopath. Borderlines tend to have a lot of emotions about things to the point where they get overwhelmed.

I suffer from the same thing with my mother. She was/is a total narcissist, crazy as a fox. I love her, but realize that she's sick enough to hurt me, even if it's just psychological.

I bounce between loving her, because when she's charismatic, cute, fun, and warm as hell. But when I'm around her I overeat. I self destruct, and I just seethe from her pompous comments. She was a textbook narcissist.

I will always love her, but I only visit her like three times a year. I know that there's nothing I can do about her sickness, and she is sick! But I still have to keep away from her enough (boundaries) to keep my mental health and sanity.

My other siblings have an a lot closer relationship with her, but my mother was jealous of me, due her Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So I can't be as close to her as I can like my siblings. Add to that, I was the black sheep. And one of my brothers, the golden child.

It's sad to love someone who is sick-minded, but it happens. Sometimes all you can do is wish them luck, forgive them, sympathize (from far away) and hope there's an after life where God will heal their sickness. But to be close to them and let them ruin your life and reputation? That's hell on earth!

[TheAdlerian]

I don't mean to call you out, but IMO the behaviors of the OP are not showing compassion and empathy (not saying OP isn't a good person, sounds like he is). Those are good qualities to have and we should all do our best to treat our fellow man in that manner. What is being described in this thread is basically a form of harming one's self -- I don't know how else to put it. There is some underlying issue (not just the horn dog in all of us) that I hope OP will be able to work out, maybe in therapy. This chit is not normal, it's so far beyond being a good / nice guy and in fact it's actively harmful.

I disagree.

My parents got along great. If one of them had a problem, they would get through it. They never gave up on each other.

When my mom got cancer, we were all there for her, didn't give up, and gave her a nice environment. My dad taught me to never give up on your woman and to be selfless, which he was.

When I started out with the ex I thought she was a wonderful girl who grew up in hell and just needed TLC to come out of it. It was only after she dropped the front and started telling me about herself that things got really weird.

By that time, the psychology expert me was saying, "She's a psychopath" but the loyal and in love me was saying "No she's not, she's just been a victim, you need to work it out, she's worth it" which was of course wrong. The values my parents raised me with do not apply to evil people, only other nice people. You cannot stick by a rotten person and expect them to back you up when you're down. They will enjoy bringing you down.

So, I had a terrible values conflict versus professional knowledge versus ghetto culture, which is what she has.

[TheAdlerian]

OP usually doesn't deliver, today, it got real...
I only asked for rates bruh....

Hope OP got checked.

The OP has been delivering quality for YEARS bro, don't get it twisted.

[TheAdlerian]

I suffer from the same thing with my mother. She was/is a total narcissist, crazy as a fox. I love her, but realize that she's sick enough to hurt me, even if it's just psychological.

I bounce between loving her, because when she's charismatic, cute, fun, and warm as hell. But when I'm around her I overeat. I self destruct, and I just seethe from her pompous comments. She was a textbook narcissist.

I will always love her, but I only visit her like three times a year. I know that there's nothing I can do about her sickness, and she is sick! But I still have to keep away from her enough (boundaries) to keep my mental health and sanity.

My other siblings have an a lot closer relationship with her, but my mother was jealous of me, due her Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So I can't be as close to her as I can like my siblings. Add to that, I was the black sheep. And one of my brothers, the golden child.

It's sad to love someone who is sick-minded, but it happens. Sometimes all you can do is wish them luck, forgive them, sympathize (from far away) and hope there's an after life where God will heal their sickness. But to be close to them and let them ruin your life and reputation? That's hell on earth!

Wow, that's pretty close to my feelings.

However, you had a long time to adjust. I had a short time with this girl.

I never associated with women who were druggies, criminals, or any of that. I have only been with professional girls and never with "white trash" which is what this girl comes from. So, I didn't have a set of coping skills in place.

The job stuff this girl did was crazy.

Now I work for the prison system again and there's guys DAILY who get locked up on fake charges by girls like this. If anything GOOD came from my relationship it's that I now understand these guys and believe them.

[bretmarathon]

If you are a therapist, didn't you go through training on how to set boundaries with clients?

Think of her as a Cluster B psychopath former client who is stalking you, and form a plan.

If you have a mentor therapist, talk to that person about setting boundaries with this person. Anyone working with Cluster B clients should have a senior mentor therapist.

[InPhase]

She will never stop playing the victim. She's too damaged to ever be someone you could be around.

Stay away and never, ever have anything to do with her again.

[Hardcore_D00d]

yeah bro just remove her from your life. stop trying to change or save people bruh. you're already with someone new so i dunno why you messing with this one. maybe you still have feelings, or maybe you are actually attracted to the bad crazy ones yourself.

ok i actually just skimmed through some posts. the thing is op is captain-save-a-ho. you're on your own dude, good luck.

[alltrapbrah]

Opie, you're one of the few posters on this board whose entire post history i've read.

Everything I'd have said to you has already been said by others, but I do have a question:

What's the rationale behind proposed solution number two?

I get where 1 and 3 are coming from, but solution 2 seems rather uncharacteristic based on everything I've read and know about you.

[TheAdlerian]

If you are a therapist, didn't you go through training on how to set boundaries with clients?

Think of her as a Cluster B psychopath former client who is stalking you, and form a plan.

If you have a mentor therapist, talk to that person about setting boundaries with this person. Anyone working with Cluster B clients should have a senior mentor therapist.

She wasn't a client and I don't think of people I love as clients.

She actually has been stalking me and TOLD ME she would when we first met. I thought she was teasing.

I read that psychopaths will frequently tell you what they're going to do before they do it, like they can't help but warn you for some reason. She did that multiple times.

[TheAdlerian]

She will never stop playing the victim. She's too damaged to ever be someone you could be around.

Stay away and never, ever have anything to do with her again.

I'm sad about the whole thing but my plan is to let it all die and stay out of contact with her.

[TheAdlerian]

yeah bro just remove her from your life. stop trying to change or save people bruh. you're already with someone new so i dunno why you messing with this one. maybe you still have feelings, or maybe you are actually attracted to the bad crazy ones yourself.

ok i actually just skimmed through some posts. the thing is op is captain-save-a-ho. you're on your own dude, good luck.

Dude, this is one girl.

My ex wife is rich, related to royalty, works for a 500 company, and so on. I met this crazy woman because she had a great personality, is super funny, and we would talk for hours. I thought she was worth saving.

[TheAdlerian]

Opie, you're one of the few posters on this board whose entire post history i've read.

Everything I'd have said to you has already been said by others, but I do have a question:

What's the rationale behind proposed solution number two?

I get where 1 and 3 are coming from, but solution 2 seems rather uncharacteristic based on everything I've read and know about you.

Do you mean send her porn to her boyfriend?

She got me fired from an important job, on my birthday. Today is her birthday.

She acts like an angel on facebook and has this guy and his mom fooled. I'll bet it would be quite a shocker to get her porn as a message.

Perhaps she won't enjoy her birthday as much as planned.

I'm not doing that though, but part of me really wants to.

[Vrykul]

I understand the empathy from you OP because I’ve caught myself feeling bad for even the chittiest of people out there. The truth is, you need to bury that empathy, she knows what a good person you are so she is abusing it, don’t expect her to feel the same empathy you do.

There is a time in life to be selfish.

[TheAdlerian]

I understand the empathy from you OP because I’ve caught myself feeling bad for even the chittiest of people out there. The truth is, you need to bury that empathy, she knows what a good person you are so she is abusing it, don’t expect her to feel the same empathy you do.

There is a time in life to be selfish.

I agree.

A trap here is that I thought she could see and feel the empathy and was going to have some kind of breakthrough.

She reverted right back to her past though.

Ironically, I'm now working with female criminals JUST LIKE HER and they have the same type of life, habits, relationships, and so on. It's like god made me get into this relationship so I could see reality.

On another note, I thought this girl was beautiful, smart, and I liked her children a lot and I typically do not care about the children of other men. It was like a perfect emotional sh!t storm where I wanted to love and help them all. That is REALLY depressing to me and made it hard to let go.

[jacemano]

Dude, wtf is wrong with you.

Don't be captain save a hoe.

This is literally a princess of hoes from the devil himself. She's a ****ing porn shooting prostitute and you have a nice girl? Are you for real. Replying to every post about queen hoe.

Leave her the **** alone. It will be good for you. It isn't your job to ****ing save her.


Save your empathy for someone who deserves it.

[alltrapbrah]

Do you mean send her porn to her boyfriend?

She got me fired from an important job, on my birthday. Today is her birthday.

She acts like an angel on facebook and has this guy and his mom fooled. I'll bet it would be quite a shocker to get her porn as a message.

Perhaps she won't enjoy her birthday as much as planned.

I'm not doing that though, but part of me really wants to.

Yea that solution...

You thought such a course of action was worth considering?

Like... I can understand the appeal of revenge because it's quite a normal feeling/reaction in such a context, but i'm still surprised that YOU were actually considering it, or rather your original post implies you were considering it.

You've declared you're not doing it though so perhaps it's a misunderstanding on my part.

[Ilikebeef]

Uummm...What the unholy fk?!

You need to go NC forever and ever. Without interruption. STOP fking caring about this degenerate demon that does nothing but hurt you. Srs. WTF.
She IS, WAS and will ALWAYS be a lost cause. Disengage. Disengage.

Strangers can see more clearly than you here. Listen to us. TOTAL NC FOREVER. Or anything that happens from here on out is totally your fault.

[TheAdlerian]

Dude, wtf is wrong with you.

Don't be captain save a hoe.

This is literally a princess of hoes from the devil himself. She's a ****ing porn shooting prostitute and you have a nice girl? Are you for real. Replying to every post about queen hoe.

Leave her the **** alone. It will be good for you. It isn't your job to ****ing save her.


Save your empathy for someone who deserves it.

It's rare that I don't know what to do.

I'm the kind of guy that when I fall in love it's like being intoxicated. That influenced me to a very high degree here especially because the love feelings came before all the horrible facts. So, in my intoxicated mind, love could save this person, but she is too negative for that to work.

She actually hates love and it makes her angry.

Anyway, it took me a long time to believe that love wasn't enough to help this person somehow.

[TheAdlerian]

Yea that solution...

You thought such a course of action was worth considering?

Like... I can understand the appeal of revenge because it's quite a normal feeling/reaction in such a context, but i'm still surprised that YOU were actually considering it, or rather your original post implies you were considering it.

You've declared you're not doing it though so perhaps it's a misunderstanding on my part.

It was just a dark thought.

Plus, she was dating this "gangster" behind my back. I caught them together.

He challenged me to a fight. I am a big dude and very good at fighting. I just coldly said to him "Sure, lets fight" and stepped up. He ran away!

She then never spoke to him again, so I ruined that situation for her and proved him a coward.

It's very tempting to do that with the current boyfriend who is also a little criminal druggie coward.

It's not worth it though because there's really nothing left to care about with her.

Note: Thanks for having such a high opinion of me. That feels good.

[TheAdlerian]

Uummm...What the unholy fk?!

You need to go NC forever and ever. Without interruption. STOP fking caring about this degenerate demon that does nothing but hurt you. Srs. WTF.
She IS, WAS and will ALWAYS be a lost cause. Disengage. Disengage.

Strangers can see more clearly than you here. Listen to us. TOTAL NC FOREVER. Or anything that happens from here on out is totally your fault.

I am going to listen bro.

You guys have no idea how much I appreciate the advice. This situation was hurting me a lot because I never give up on people.

I'm noted for that in my career. I nearly always win or fix impossible situations, but this is not my career, it's personal, and I don't have the same power.

[Mortar34]

ITT


OP wants people to help him masturbate. People comply.

[TheAdlerian]

Also, I think I had a bit of Stockholm Syndrome here.

I started identifying with someone who was abusing me and seeing their side of it all.

Crazy how human behavior just repeats over and over.

[FU3L]

OP, you've got some serious issues yourself for continuing to put up with this insanity my guy.

[TheAdlerian]

ITT


OP wants people to help him masturbate. People comply.

Odd homo remark.

Trust me, no matter how much you want it, I'm not falling in love with you next.

[TheAdlerian]

OP, you've got some serious issues yourself for continuing to put up with this insanity my guy.

HAD is the word here my friend.

It's dead now, thanks to the support I got here.

I've had massive amounts of stress in the last few years, mostly due to work trauma. I just wanted to have some peace, some family, kids who thought I was awesome, and a pretty girl I could laugh with. All not real and I stepped into a trap.