Insatiable appetite after months of PSMF. IF helps but I'm reluctant due to poor MPS.

[ok32]

To provide some context, I have lost about 20lbs of fat (excluding fat free mass losses) through the use of months of PSMF dieting combined with taking multiple steps backwards throughout those months, especially during the holidays. I found the diet extremely easy to stick to in terms of appetite and satiety and I never once binged; any time I took a step backwards it was when eating with family and I was in full control, knowing how quickly the fat would come back off.

I have since taken a full two week diet break successfully, but in the past few months of attempting to eat normally, I have found myself stuck in a binge-restrict cycle. Lately I haven't even been doing the restrict part as damage control because of being worried that I have irreparably damaged my body from abusing PSMF for so long. I always end up feeling some odd symptom, panicking and thinking I have caused some sort of imbalance or organ damage, and that I'm going to die if I don't correct it by subsequently trying to overcompensate through eating food (foods that aren't even necessarily palatable) to repair the internal organ damage done. Specifically, the <50 resting heart rate, shortness of breath and very labored breathing & difficulty contracting my diaphragm while on the PSMF have been scaring me off of it recently. I have gotten electrolyte tests done while on the diet before and they came back fine, but it hasn't been enough to relieve my anxiety. Also, even months off of an extended period of PSMF, my white blood cell count is in the clinically low range, and my test is in the clinically low 200 range, normally still low at 400 but still pretty concerning that it isn't recovering. Could also be due to stress from school.

I am trying to escape this vicious cycle, but I have ended up gaining back a good 5lbs or so of fat in the past few weeks. I am over 20% bodyfat. I'm blowing up and I can definitely feel it and see it even after losing the water weight, I can grab a good deal more bit of fat. This shouldn't be surprising considering I have probably netted a 15,000+ calorie surplus. It is really tempting to go back to PSMFing to drop what I have gained but I fear the past pattern will continue to repeat itself and I will end up binging on whatever I can find in the pantry as soon as I experience difficulty breathing, which I'm assuming is from my body slowing metabolism and trying to make itself more efficient on the extreme caloric restriction, or maybe a dangerous electrolyte imbalance, who knows.

The problem with trying to eat normally is my insatiable appetite. As soon as I put food in my mouth when I break my fast, I become ravenous and food-obsessed to the point where I can't even focus on my studies. No amount of food is satiating. I have experimented with not tracking and trying to eat to satisfy my hunger with lots of water, vegetables, oats, yams, lean meat, and I end up eating 5,000+ calories for the day, so that is clearly not the solution for me; I will have to track and restrict. And I am clearly far too fat to be actually needing this food. But there is still that neurotic doubt in the back of my mind that internally my organs are damaged from not being able to oxidize fat quickly enough to match my energy deficit, and my body is screaming at me to eat everything in sight for a reason. Or that my organs are damaged from eating all my PSMF chicken in one meal so after digestion finishes I am left without sufficient essential amino acids for hours of the day. Maybe I am just retarded and neurotically overthinking things that I don't even fully understand, I don't know.

What I have found that does work, is to simply not break my fast until very late in the day with a short feeding window, 1-4 hours long. However, I have been reading a lot lately about muscle protein synthesis/balance and it appears that I am basically wasting dollars and dollars on expensive protein sources by eating it all in a small window, because you have to spread it out through the day for the protein to stimulate muscle protein synthesis by steadily releasing amino acids into the bloodstream. However, if I break my fast when I wake up (conventional breakfast) to get a tiny little dose of 20-40g protein, my insatiable appetite is massively stimulated and I end up hitting my macros early and eventually going over my macros for that day if I give in to the hunger later in the day.

TL;DR

1. If I do one meal a day/a very short feeding window, how much am I shooting myself in the foot?

2. Can I still get a decently athletic, lean physique on one meal a day? Or will I be destroying my body composition even worse and become even more skinnyfat than I already am? Surely personal adherence in practice is more important than optimal outcomes in theory? Am I wasting my time with lifting entirely if I eat only one meal?

3. If I eat only one meal, should I half my daily protein intake from 160g~ to 80g~? The logic behind this being that only 40g~ or so will be utilized for muscle protein synthesis, even after adjusting for the increased digestion time of a large meal?

4. How much of this MPB stuff really makes an impact on body composition? Like, does it spell the difference between being forever a skinnyfat blob and not? Because it is driving my neurotic brain insane constantly thinking about whether or not there are sufficient amino acids in my bloodstream, etc, with constant hypochondriacal ruminations, and it is leading me to overeat by "dosing" protein after I have already hit my macros. This stuff is controlling my obsessive compulsive mind and I want the burden to released from my shoulders, but I don't want that doubt in the back of my mind that I am destroying my body composition even worse by ignoring MPB, or that I am wasting my time in the gym and my money buying so much expensive protein. I am trying to find the right balance, this fitness stuff is supposed to make me happier and healthier, not a neurotic obsessive mess, constantly obsessed with and focused on food and unable to focus on anything else, constantly thinking about and trying to control and micromanage transient fluctuations of hormones/etc in my body.

[boo99]

It is really tempting to go back to PSMFing to drop what I have gained

Oh Lord

After all the signs & symptoms you claim to be experiencing, you still have a thought about going back on PSMF?

Get off this board and go to a therapist and internist to get a full workup

Mucho issues going on here

[Heisman2]

Agreed with boo99. You need to see a doctor and a therapist. Besides the poor health indicators you describe, you also may be suffering from an eating disorder.