Toxic friendships hurting your motivation?

[89ellipsis]

This could probably go into the relationship forum, but I think that it fits in here as well.

I feel like, every time I make a run at losing weight and bettering myself, I end up losing a bunch of friends in the process. I’d go out with people and it’s almost like they enabled my bad behavior. Eating too much, drinking too much, not doing any physical activity... And once I put my foot down, they start acting like I’m “abandoning the squad.” Or they’ll start acting all jealous and giving backhanded complements like “You look amazing! Your back fat isn’t nearly as noticeable...” It’s like they’re saying “How dare she better herself! How dare she try to raise her status from being the Fat friend...”

How do you deal with pettiness in your friend circle? How do you keep yourself going once your motivation takes a hit?

[Aristotelian]

This could probably go into the relationship forum, but I think that it fits in here as well.

I feel like, every time I make a run at losing weight and bettering myself, I end up losing a bunch of friends in the process. I’d go out with people and it’s almost like they enabled my bad behavior. Eating too much, drinking too much, not doing any physical activity... And once I put my foot down, they start acting like I’m “abandoning the squad.” Or they’ll start acting all jealous and giving backhanded complements like “You look amazing! Your back fat isn’t nearly as noticeable...” It’s like they’re saying “How dare she better herself! How dare she try to raise her status from being the Fat friend...”

How do you deal with pettiness in your friend circle? How do you keep yourself going once your motivation takes a hit?

The thing is, I realized some of the 'friends' I thought were 'friends' were simply people looking for company to go out and get drunk. Typically they were single people looking to party every weekend and that meant drinking a lot. I have pretty much stopped hanging around with them at all around the weekend, but will meet them for lunch here and there, or head home early after joining them for one drink.

The backhanded compliments - get used to it. They come for a variety of reasons. I get them too, like "Wow you're a beast, and I didn't even think you trained" (i.e., I don't look like a bodybuilder but I'm stronger than s/he thought). Take it in stride.

At the end of the day, you have to focus on what is good for you and if you're on this journey you know what's good for you. Hanging around people whose idea of fun is to binge eat or drink, or go clubbing/smoke/drink, or rot around - is that really 'friendship'? For me it isn't. I'm lucky to have a few very good friends, but I value the quality of those friendships much more than having a wide 'social circle' filled with empty relationships.

Good luck.

[lukepeter]

Ultimately, your lifestyle is the reason you were in a position to want to change in the first place. For the vast majority, that lifestyle is formed, supported, and perpetuated by the friends you engage with regularly. Group adherence is a strong thing, and it can go either way.

If your interests are no longer supported by your previous friend circle, then why are they your current friend circle? Friendship is built and maintained through shared experience, if none of them are willing or able to share in that which you want to experience then the relationships will die out anyway.

[yoojungl]

I realized who my real friends are when I started setting goals and going after them. Real friends are ones that are supportive of your fitness goals and will go out of their way to make it work. Obviously, if they're belittling you, then they're not your friends. But on the bright side, you'll make a ton of new friends who have goals to better themselves just like you

[ElrondHubbard]

This could probably go into the relationship forum, but I think that it fits in here as well.

I feel like, every time I make a run at losing weight and bettering myself, I end up losing a bunch of friends in the process. I’d go out with people and it’s almost like they enabled my bad behavior. Eating too much, drinking too much, not doing any physical activity... And once I put my foot down, they start acting like I’m “abandoning the squad.” Or they’ll start acting all jealous and giving backhanded complements like “You look amazing! Your back fat isn’t nearly as noticeable...” It’s like they’re saying “How dare she better herself! How dare she try to raise her status from being the Fat friend...”

How do you deal with pettiness in your friend circle? How do you keep yourself going once your motivation takes a hit?

I find better friends. It’s not hard to do if you go to the right places.

[anonkunbrah]

Bump

[WholemealPizza]

They are not your friends sweetheart, they are mates, use them like they use you, not in any horrible way but don't treat it likes its a close friendship when its just a casual one. Theres a lot of fun to be had when you don't have to care about the people you are socialising with, if it was my best mate and I meet a girl I might not want to leave him stranded in the club alone, if its just a mate that doesn't care about me that much then goodbye I can go, etc, also I don't have to hold back on the banter as much I can compete more ruthlessly which I enjoy, it has its perks

[BoldBeagle]

Do your thing! dont let them set the tone