Avoided marriage but lost the love of my life - did I dun goof or dodge a bullet?

[ssilv]

Sorry to say OP but you didn't compare to the Russian Chad, Vlad.

[ShiryuDG]

Gave her three months of silence. Waited patiently, but heard nothing. Then to extend just the slightest olive branch, I re-followed her on Instagram.

She instantly blocked me.

Looks like the tour is over, boyos.

Hey man, you fuked up. Time to move on brah, its been 3 months, say your goodbyes to her and move on man. Cant linger around her for so long



btw you got my PM?

[BuildUpNow]

Gave her three months of silence. Waited patiently, but heard nothing. Then to extend just the slightest olive branch, I re-followed her on Instagram.

She instantly blocked me.

Looks like the tour is over, boyos.

3 months isn't even that long. You still need to overcome your hubris though. You'll find that to be the most difficult task.

And hopefully she doesn't come running back in 6 months or a year and throw your life into disarray again.

[nmaia89]

Wow, I've been in her place until some years ago. I know how she feels and I know how angry she must have been with your half assed proposal. But I can bet she will not be happy with Russian guy. Poor girl, guy, you, and poot our ****ed up generation.

Background: I was with bf for 4 years, finished my degree and changed city twice because of his job, lived with his family for awhile, helped him finish his degree, went through a serious illness and go on, but he still didn't want neither marriage nor children. He did that "proposal", that one guys make to shut the girl up (like I couldn't see right through it) and he used to say he conaidered himself married (riiiiight). I had this anger in me growing, especially because i wished and prepared (learned to cook, clean, sew. Who learn this thing nowdays, haha) since my teens to find nice guy》 marry him》 have my own family, but I was here stuck in love with a man who didnt want that with me amd who was waisting my best years (20's) wich were the time where I was most likelly to find my nice man to marry me. The conclusion ANY woman will get is that he doesnt love her enough. I started retreating from him emotionally and i had those rage moments where i would cry and break something when i was alone (i npticed it happened around once a month, so it probably my hormones saying "hurry up" haha). I used to seriously ask "why dont you wanna marry me?" "Tell me" and he would dodge it somehow. I didnt want to issue THE ULTIMATUM, because, like most girls, i thought if a man needed an ultimatim it meant he didnt love me and he would resent me, and i would resent him because he needed one. Until the day i say "**** it, im going ultimatum full time and **** resentment bull****", but before i learned and organized what i needed to get married (even though i was prepared to break up). After the ultimatum we got married in 2 months, his cousins (and their gfs, who date them forever without ever getting married) couldnt believe how i organized everything so fast. Now, we are married for some years and have a toddler, and I think we are happy (its true that thing that you dont know what happiness is until your child is born, our lives were empty before he was born)

Sorry for the long post, i know it means nothing to you, but the thing is: this girl resents you, she can't forgive you for not loving her enough for wanting to marry and have a family with her, and you asking her to marry you AFTER SHE TOLD YOU SHE WILL MARRY RUSSIAN CUCK only adds to the "not loving her enough but not wanting to lose her". She can't afford to lose a man who seems to love her (russian cuck) for one who seems to not love her and who is using a proposal to manipulate her (and probably doesnt intend to marry her anyway).

I've almost been there and i've seen that happen. It actually happens all the time, and most girls would go to russian cuck.

If I were you I would do the oposit of what most people do (most people give up, give time and space, but its the most idiotic thing, because this time and space are now free for the russian guy ocupy) and I WOULD PRESSURE HER EVEN MORE. I would pressure her non stop. Go after her, kiss her, propose, go with flowers. But only if you can get over her phase of dating the russian guy. Thats what i would do with hubby, id never let him escape. But who knows, by now may really be too late, like she being married or pregnant.

It will be hard to forget.

Ps: her loyalty isnt yours or to you, it was yours when you were exclusive and now her loyalty is for the guy who loves her, her fiance.

Ps2: men will hardly understand a woman who wants to build a family (especially a traditional woman), because men have almost unlimited time to build a family. We dont have this time, so a woman who truly wants a family CAN AND WILL choose a man she only likes instead of one she loves, if he wants a family with her (even if it crushes her heart).

-If a woman doesnt want a family it doesnt aply to her.

[DolphinPilot]

lol @ this thread. I'm not going to read 15 pages but considering what I read on the OP and the last 2 pages, I don't think the girl is the bullet in this scenario.

[brothoven]

no point to life anymore


end it


yw

[brothoven]

Sorry to say OP but you didn't compare to the Russian Chad, Vlad.

FML

I just found an old convo of ours

-------------

HER: "That Russian guy who was so smitten is coming back in January"

ME: "I'm not scared of the Russian
Russian = Asian
And we all know what they say about Asians...."

-------------

GODAMMIT

[brothoven]

Hey man, you fuked up. Time to move on brah, its been 3 months, say your goodbyes to her and move on man. Cant linger around her for so long



btw you got my PM?

I know man. But I can't ****ing move on man. I just can't. What do?

Tried dating some online sloots... they were all ****ed up in the head... lasted weeks only. Made me miss her even more. It was cancer. Now I usually just sit at home alone.

Sure I get out occasionally... go to the gym... meet a friend for coffee... go to a concert... etc. But they're just temporary reprieves, nothing more. Then I get back home and rot in my loneliness.

Was never lonely before. Was never depressed before. But now I know what hell is like. True darkness. True hopelessness. I feel for all your brahs that are (or have been) in a similar place.

[brothoven]

3 months isn't even that long. You still need to overcome your hubris though. You'll find that to be the most difficult task.

And hopefully she doesn't come running back in 6 months or a year and throw your life into disarray again.

I guess you're right. It seemed long to me. And I forgave her in my heart, and I was wondering if she forgave me too. She still isn't engaged (yet). The time is ticking but every time I try to do something I just make it worse.

You're right about the hubris, brah. I've slowly been coming to grips with everything. I actually just passed the denial stage, and ****ing hell, I didn't even know I was in the denial stage. I mean, I had no doubts it was over (and probably but good), so it wasn't that. But I was actually still in denial that she doesn't love me anymore. She loved me so damn much, this was just inconceivable to me. I thought she had moved on because she felt she had to. I thought she was choosing Chadimir because he checked all her boxes, and she felt it was the right thing to do. But she didn't really love him. She still secretly loved me.

After all, a year ago, she told me this about Chadimir - "I know what true love is, and this isn't it."

But you know what, things ****ing changed.

3 months later, and she's still blocking me from Instagram. She wants nothing to do with me.

I heard from a family friend that her mom was raving about Chadimr, saying how wonderful he was and that she was head over heels for him.

She doesn't love me anymore.

She doesn't ****ing love me anymore.

After six ****ing years, that's a hard thing to accept.

But I truly fuked up this time.

The hubris is melting away.

And I'm finally realizing that I'm just a worthless piece of ****.

[brothoven]

Bro, you know how many miles of Vlad Bolshevik's icicle that hoe has slipped on in the last 3 months??? While you "waited patiently." Pathetic.

Block that bish on everything, lose the number, find some strange, & profit. You work on a college campus, presumably live in a college town too. FFS, upgrade.

NB4 "she's different."tm

LMAO at "Vlad Bolshevik's icicle." ****ing repped.

I work at a regional community college bro. It's a commuter campus. It practically shares the lot with a Chinese buffet. Hell, maybe I can pick up a bish there and show her my egg roll.

Anyways, thanks for the advice.

[brothoven]

Wow, I've been in her place until some years ago. I know how she feels and I know how angry she must have been with your half assed proposal. But I can bet she will not be happy with Russian guy. Poor girl, guy, you, and poot our ****ed up generation.

Background: I was with bf for 4 years, finished my degree and changed city twice because of his job, lived with his family for awhile, helped him finish his degree, went through a serious illness and go on, but he still didn't want neither marriage nor children. He did that "proposal", that one guys make to shut the girl up (like I couldn't see right through it) and he used to say he conaidered himself married (riiiiight). I had this anger in me growing, especially because i wished and prepared (learned to cook, clean, sew. Who learn this thing nowdays, haha) since my teens to find nice guy》 marry him》 have my own family, but I was here stuck in love with a man who didnt want that with me amd who was waisting my best years (20's) wich were the time where I was most likelly to find my nice man to marry me. The conclusion ANY woman will get is that he doesnt love her enough. I started retreating from him emotionally and i had those rage moments where i would cry and break something when i was alone (i npticed it happened around once a month, so it probably my hormones saying "hurry up" haha). I used to seriously ask "why dont you wanna marry me?" "Tell me" and he would dodge it somehow. I didnt want to issue THE ULTIMATUM, because, like most girls, i thought if a man needed an ultimatim it meant he didnt love me and he would resent me, and i would resent him because he needed one. Until the day i say "**** it, im going ultimatum full time and **** resentment bull****", but before i learned and organized what i needed to get married (even though i was prepared to break up). After the ultimatum we got married in 2 months, his cousins (and their gfs, who date them forever without ever getting married) couldnt believe how i organized everything so fast. Now, we are married for some years and have a toddler, and I think we are happy (its true that thing that you dont know what happiness is until your child is born, our lives were empty before he was born)

Sorry for the long post, i know it means nothing to you, but the thing is: this girl resents you, she can't forgive you for not loving her enough for wanting to marry and have a family with her, and you asking her to marry you AFTER SHE TOLD YOU SHE WILL MARRY RUSSIAN CUCK only adds to the "not loving her enough but not wanting to lose her". She can't afford to lose a man who seems to love her (russian cuck) for one who seems to not love her and who is using a proposal to manipulate her (and probably doesnt intend to marry her anyway).

I've almost been there and i've seen that happen. It actually happens all the time, and most girls would go to russian cuck.

If I were you I would do the oposit of what most people do (most people give up, give time and space, but its the most idiotic thing, because this time and space are now free for the russian guy ocupy) and I WOULD PRESSURE HER EVEN MORE. I would pressure her non stop. Go after her, kiss her, propose, go with flowers. But only if you can get over her phase of dating the russian guy. Thats what i would do with hubby, id never let him escape. But who knows, by now may really be too late, like she being married or pregnant.

It will be hard to forget.

Ps: her loyalty isnt yours or to you, it was yours when you were exclusive and now her loyalty is for the guy who loves her, her fiance.

Ps2: men will hardly understand a woman who wants to build a family (especially a traditional woman), because men have almost unlimited time to build a family. We dont have this time, so a woman who truly wants a family CAN AND WILL choose a man she only likes instead of one she loves, if he wants a family with her (even if it crushes her heart).

-If a woman doesnt want a family it doesnt aply to her.

Great freakin post, thanks for typing all that up. No need to apologize for the length, I enjoyed reading all the details. Sounds like a spitting image of mine, except the ending obviously. It's always helpful to read from a female perspective. And you two sound almost exactly alike.

My ex had the same attitude as you. On her Pinterest, she had the headline "Housewife in Training." On there, she saved all these recipes to cook for me. She made meals and washed dishes. She cleaned. She learned how to sew. She knitted me a scarf for our the Chrismas we were together. Everything she did was to prepare for our future family life together.

But I avoided it.

Sure, I showed much appreciation for the things she did. Sure, I treated her well and bought her things. Sure, I told her how much I loved her. But I avoided talking about marriage and kids. Just like your guy. The only difference is, instead of her issuing me an ultimatum (which probably would've worked similarly to yours), she retreated overseas and met Vladicuck in the first week. And he has been luring her in ever since.

She did tell me that she was going to marry him, but I had to ask first. I actually asked if "she thought she was going to marry him" and she said "yes." I then asked if she thought he was her soulmate and she paused.... THEN said "yes." I thought the pause was a clue though. At any rate, they weren't engaged then and they're still not engaged now... YET. According to her mom - "he MIGHT be the one" - which was said as she raved about him to a family friend and gushed about how wonderful he is.

I wasn't trying to manipulate her when I told her to come back and marry me... I would've married her in two months, just like your guy. I knew I made a mistake. But I'm sure that's what it seemed like to her. And since that failed proposal, she has not spoken to me other than to tell me to "**** off." Holy hell, it has seriously seemed to make things 10x worse. And I guess you've explained why, perfectly.

You know, I agreed with your advice. I DID NOT LEAVE HER ALONE. But it blew up in my face. She told me she needed silence, and she "hoped I could respect that." But to be honest, I didn't respect it. I tried to make her understand that I still loved her, that she still had another choice. I tried to make her understand that we needed to talk this through. She ignored and ignored and ignored. Then I did the proposal thing. And she replied with a heart of stone:

"I said everything I needed to say on the phone, and I asked for silence, no contact. I have been over you and I've tried to be clear about that. I can never love you again, nor will we be together again. This was clear on the phone. I'm sorry you are hurting, but there is nothing else I can say. Please don't contact me again or I will have to block you."

I know this message seems clear, but after everything she's said in the past, I didn't really believe it. I thought it was mostly said in anger and frustration. I sent a reply, and.... she blocked me. From ******** Messenger. Restricted me on ******** so I couldn't see any updates.

I waited three weeks.

Wished her a Happy Birthday on her wall.

She deleted it.

I sent her an e-mail saying a few things about how much I still loved her.

She blocked me on Gmail.

I had my friend contact her and say a few things. I had also uploaded some memories to ******** which she didn't like seeing.

She then accused me of harrassing her on my photo album. I deleted her comment. Shortly thereafter, her dad e-mailed me and demanded that I take the pictures down and stop contacting his daughter, or he would go to the police and file harassment charges. He would also contact my workplace. He concluded by saying he hoped "I don't take this there."

I wrote a very polite message saying I would respect their wishes and never contact her again.

Unfriended her from ********, unfollowed her on Instagram, booted her off my Instagram.

Waited 3 months. Complete silence. She's still not engaged.

Refollowed her on Instagram, but said nothing. She instantly blocked me.

So yeah. To say this is a hopeless cause would seem to be an understatement. At this point, I think it's 100% done unless Vladicuck leaves her. What do you think?

[InPhase]

In b4 restraining order.

You didn’t want to be married or have kids. You got exactly what you wanted you dumb sht.

Let it go, you lost.

[brothoven]

lol @ this thread. I'm not going to read 15 pages but considering what I read on the OP and the last 2 pages, I don't think the girl is the bullet in this scenario.

You would get along great with her mother.

[brothoven]

In b4 restraining order.

You didn’t want to be married or have kids. You got exactly what you wanted you dumb sht.

Let it go, you lost.

Short but sweet. Thanks for stopping in.

[Mr Beer]

She wanted to get married and have children, you didn't. Then she got distant and talked about going overseas, that was the time to change your mind dickhead, not after you'd both been fukking other people for 1 year+ in different countries.

What did you thing was going to happen? Incompatible life goals + emotionally distant + physically distant + dating other people...did you think your magic cock was going to keep her psychically bonded to you forever or something?

[brothoven]

FML

I just found an old convo of ours

-------------

HER: "That Russian guy who was so smitten is coming back in January"

ME: "I'm not scared of the Russian
Russian = Asian
And we all know what they say about Asians...."

-------------

GODAMMIT

Lol I'm already getting negged for this post.

Sorry Asian brahs...just a little joke.

[RaiseD2HarD]

Lol

[nmaia89]

I can only say what I would do: I would press him. If hubby left me I would move hell and heavens, go romantic big time to try to balance the resentment. But I'm not you and I would avoid doing stuff wich would get me arrested, haha. And not forgeting that now he is my husband and not just a bf (or ex-bf, in this case).

But I'm sure she became a bit jaded after you. Each physical relationship (sex) and posterior rejection (you didnt notice but you kept rejecting her for a long time) crushes a part of a woman's soul, until she isnt capable of forgiving herself and finally shut up her introspection (inner voice) and goes "bitch mode"(empty). It can take some time to happen and it can happen with only 1 relationship (breakup). (((It is curable too)))

What happened between you 2 isnt uncommon with catholic girls, because there arent catholic men enough to marry and they have to look for people outside their cultural background (people who never read the catechism -that yellow huge book wich is a compendium of a full library) and cant relate to the soul crushing experience of hurting a Sacrament seriously (especially in this case, wich was for the first time, and in a idealistic young mindset). And is easy to take everything for granted when you find an unicorn (a woman who let herself fully love and isnt too much jaded yet) who just shut up, doesnt pressure you and tries to please you, it may have seemed inconceivable to you that something wasnt quite right (her growing resentment).

Her going away was probably her way of issuing an ultimatum, but as you were unmoved it kinda backfired (in her eyes you coped fine with her leaving you, so she wasnt IT for you). Men may see an ultimatum as a huge sh/t test too and ignore it, idk?????

Sorry for not helping, i have no idea what you should do.

Ps: she is Catholic, not a Saint. She doesnt have all her life to wait for you to change your mind, so her bet is now on her bf.

Ps2: he is a guy with a destroyed family and this is something most catholic girls cant overcome (she may rationalize that he didnt marry in the catholic church so he is fair game, bit nonetheless he has an ex a children, so its almost close to it). Thats why i would have seen you as better prospects for her (before), but as she noticed "guys like you" only seem to want the fun part (waste her fertile years) she automatically lowered her standards ((she may not even have noticed she did that. It doesnt need to be a conscious choice))

Ps3: Catholic marriage is when your 2 souls become 1 to God, so you can never dissolve it (cant divorce). It may be unthinkable to our generation who sees everything as disposable.

Sorry for bad english, and i wrote in a hurry

[brothoven]

She wanted to get married and have children, you didn't. Then she got distant and talked about going overseas, that was the time to change your mind dickhead, not after you'd both been fukking other people for 1 year+ in different countries.

What did you thing was going to happen? Incompatible life goals + emotionally distant + physically distant + dating other people...did you think your magic cock was going to keep her psychically bonded to you forever or something?

I know nobody believes this, but we don't fuk other people. We lost our virginity to each other. She's been with one other guy, says she's not sleeping with him (though nobody believes her), but either way, one guy at most. I've dated a few chicks, messed around a lil occasionally, but that's it. We spent much of the past year talking to each other.

And lmao at magic cock... just substitute personality for cock and yes I did believe that. Nobody can make her smile and laugh like me. We have so many inside jokes, stories, puns, poems, etc. that we made over the years... I know she ****ing misses it. Last time I talked to her, she said all the chit this guy was that I was not. But when I asked her if he was funnier than I was ... she paused... and said "NO!" She admitted the truth. That was one dick measuring contest that I actually won.

Speaking of which, I've always told her that some day she'll call me up and utter just two words...just two words only...



and then I'll be like

[Mr Beer]

I know nobody believes this, but we don't fuk other people. We lost our virginity to each other. She's been with one other guy, says she's not sleeping with him (though nobody believes her), but either way, one guy at most. I've dated a few chicks, messed around a lil occasionally, but that's it. We spent much of the past year talking to each other.

And lmao at magic cock... just substitute personality for cock and yes I did believe that. Nobody can make her smile and laugh like me. We have so many inside jokes, stories, puns, poems, etc. that we made over the years... I know she ****ing misses it. Last time I talked to her, she said all the chit this guy was that I was not. But when I asked her if he was funnier than I was ... she paused... and said "NO!" She admitted the truth. That was one dick measuring contest that I actually won.

Speaking of which, I've always told her that some day she'll call me up and utter just two words...just two words only...

You're right, you have a magic connection which no-one else can understand.

That's why she got distant, moved overseas for a year, married another man and refuses to talk to you.

[DolphinPilot]

You would get along great with her mother.

You're not going to give me her number?

[brothoven]

Lol

Sorry Asian brah. You know I love you.

Even gave you a rep of peace.

[brothoven]

I can only say what I would do: I would press him. If hubby left me I would move hell and heavens, go romantic big time to try to balance the resentment. But I'm not you and I would avoid doing stuff wich would get me arrested, haha. And not forgeting that now he is my husband and not just a bf (or ex-bf, in this case).

But I'm sure she became a bit jaded after you. Each physical relationship (sex) and posterior rejection (you didnt notice but you kept rejecting her for a long time) crushes a part of a woman's soul, until she isnt capable of forgiving herself and finally shut up her introspection (inner voice) and goes "bitch mode"(empty). It can take some time to happen and it can happen with only 1 relationship (breakup). (((It is curable too)))

What happened between you 2 isnt uncommon with catholic girls, because there arent catholic men enough to marry and they have to look for people outside their cultural background (people who never read the catechism -that yellow huge book wich is a compendium of a full library) and cant relate to the soul crushing experience of hurting a Sacrament seriously (especially in this case, wich was for the first time, and in a idealistic young mindset). And is easy to take everything for granted when you find an unicorn (a woman who let herself fully love and isnt too much jaded yet) who just shut up, doesnt pressure you and tries to please you, it may have seemed inconceivable to you that something wasnt quite right (her growing resentment).

Her going away was probably her way of issuing an ultimatum, but as you were unmoved it kinda backfired (in her eyes you coped fine with her leaving you, so she wasnt IT for you). Men may see an ultimatum as a huge sh/t test too and ignore it, idk?????

Sorry for not helping, i have no idea what you should do.

Ps: she is Catholic, not a Saint. She doesnt have all her life to wait for you to change your mind, so her bet is now on her bf.

Ps2: he is a guy with a destroyed family and this is something most catholic girls cant overcome (she may rationalize that he didnt marry in the catholic church so he is fair game, bit nonetheless he has an ex a children, so its almost close to it). Thats why i would have seen you as better prospects for her (before), but as she noticed "guys like you" only seem to want the fun part (waste her fertile years) she automatically lowered her standards ((she may not even have noticed she did that. It doesnt need to be a conscious choice))

Ps3: Catholic marriage is when your 2 souls become 1 to God, so you can never dissolve it (cant divorce). It may be unthinkable to our generation who sees everything as disposable.

Sorry for bad english, and i wrote in a hurry

I love reading your take on things. You are basically like a clone of her. So are you Catholic too? What's your nationality? Don't worry, your English is just fine.

I would press, but there's not many other ways to press. I'm blocked from everything now. I could either harass her family members (not recommended, although I've thought about contacting her brother or her uncle), or fly over to Ireland and show up on her doorstep (also not recommended, since she lives in the same apartment building as Vladimir Cuckstakovich himself, and somebody might end up getting killed).

This might be curable, but I don't think anything's going to happen as long as she's with Cuckstakovich. You are right. She has become jaded. She has felt rejected. She is in full-out bitch mode. And now she's dedicated herself to Vlad. Unless that blows up in her face, she won't contact me again. But if she marries him, it's all over. Like you said, she will never get a divorce.

I guess you can see her studying abroad as an ultimatum, but we both framed it as a move that was best for her career. It was the best school that accepted her, and it also gave her the nicest financial aid package. At the time, it didn't really seem like a referendum on our relationship. We both looked at it as a challenge, but we also thought it might be best to have a little space and use it as an opportunity to "reset" our relationship. Since we were having some lingering problems, we decided we would both focus on ourselves for a little while. She called it a "pause." I would visit her in the summer and she would come back in the fall and we would start again. It definitely didn't seem like an ultimatum at the time. But then she literally met Cuckstakovich during the first week (he was graduating when she was arriving), he left for a few months but kept in close contact and came back in January to get her. She reluctantly began to casually date him. She said he was infatuated with her, but she was "very reserved." He was jealous and controlling and they fought over little things. He also smoked (I don't know if he quit). She told me it wasn't love, but he did nice things for her and took care of her when she needed it, being all alone away from her family and friends. Even in June, she was telling me it wasn't serious. But things changed that summer/fall.

About the destroyed family... I was very surprised too! I asked her how she felt about it and she said "I don't know how I feel about it. But I realize that if I'm going to continue to date him, I'm going to have to make my peace with it." And she seemed unsure for a long time, but somehow... she eventually made her peace with it. Like you said, perhaps she lowered her standards. All of that happened under the Eastern Orthodox church, so somehow, since he wasn't Catholic, it doesn't "count?" He's not really divorced? Seems a bit strange but that's my understanding of it.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughts! You are very helpful. Repped.

[brothoven]

You're right, you have a magic connection which no-one else can understand.

That's why she got distant, moved overseas for a year, married another man and refuses to talk to you.

Brutal, man.

She stuck with me for about 4-5 years, but I did manage to scare her off and force her to make a drastic move to secure her future. I accept that.

She's not married tho. Not even engaged (yet).

[brothoven]

You're not going to give me her number?

[swhit42]

You threw her away
What did you expect would happen?

this

[swhit42]

Wow, I've been in her place until some years ago. I know how she feels and I know how angry she must have been with your half assed proposal. But I can bet she will not be happy with Russian guy. Poor girl, guy, you, and poot our ****ed up generation.

Background: I was with bf for 4 years, finished my degree and changed city twice because of his job, lived with his family for awhile, helped him finish his degree, went through a serious illness and go on, but he still didn't want neither marriage nor children. He did that "proposal", that one guys make to shut the girl up (like I couldn't see right through it) and he used to say he conaidered himself married (riiiiight). I had this anger in me growing, especially because i wished and prepared (learned to cook, clean, sew. Who learn this thing nowdays, haha) since my teens to find nice guy》 marry him》 have my own family, but I was here stuck in love with a man who didnt want that with me amd who was waisting my best years (20's) wich were the time where I was most likelly to find my nice man to marry me. The conclusion ANY woman will get is that he doesnt love her enough. I started retreating from him emotionally and i had those rage moments where i would cry and break something when i was alone (i npticed it happened around once a month, so it probably my hormones saying "hurry up" haha). I used to seriously ask "why dont you wanna marry me?" "Tell me" and he would dodge it somehow. I didnt want to issue THE ULTIMATUM, because, like most girls, i thought if a man needed an ultimatim it meant he didnt love me and he would resent me, and i would resent him because he needed one. Until the day i say "**** it, im going ultimatum full time and **** resentment bull****", but before i learned and organized what i needed to get married (even though i was prepared to break up). After the ultimatum we got married in 2 months, his cousins (and their gfs, who date them forever without ever getting married) couldnt believe how i organized everything so fast. Now, we are married for some years and have a toddler, and I think we are happy (its true that thing that you dont know what happiness is until your child is born, our lives were empty before he was born)

Sorry for the long post, i know it means nothing to you, but the thing is: this girl resents you, she can't forgive you for not loving her enough for wanting to marry and have a family with her, and you asking her to marry you AFTER SHE TOLD YOU SHE WILL MARRY RUSSIAN CUCK only adds to the "not loving her enough but not wanting to lose her". She can't afford to lose a man who seems to love her (russian cuck) for one who seems to not love her and who is using a proposal to manipulate her (and probably doesnt intend to marry her anyway).

I've almost been there and i've seen that happen. It actually happens all the time, and most girls would go to russian cuck.

If I were you I would do the oposit of what most people do (most people give up, give time and space, but its the most idiotic thing, because this time and space are now free for the russian guy ocupy) and I WOULD PRESSURE HER EVEN MORE. I would pressure her non stop. Go after her, kiss her, propose, go with flowers. But only if you can get over her phase of dating the russian guy. Thats what i would do with hubby, id never let him escape. But who knows, by now may really be too late, like she being married or pregnant.

It will be hard to forget.

Ps: her loyalty isnt yours or to you, it was yours when you were exclusive and now her loyalty is for the guy who loves her, her fiance.

Ps2: men will hardly understand a woman who wants to build a family (especially a traditional woman), because men have almost unlimited time to build a family. We dont have this time, so a woman who truly wants a family CAN AND WILL choose a man she only likes instead of one she loves, if he wants a family with her (even if it crushes her heart).

-If a woman doesnt want a family it doesnt aply to her.

Found myself in a very similar situation, waited a decently long time, was patient and understanding, had several long talks about it, but finally had to issue an ultimatum. He caved and told me what I wanted to hear but over a year later nothing had changed. Had to break up with him and block him because I still love him and want to be with him but had to accept we didn't want the same things and it wasn't going to happen. Felt strung along. Sorry OP, can't have your cake and eat it too.

[brothoven]

this

It's funny how the female perspectives are always different than the male perspectives.

[brothoven]

Found myself in a very similar situation, waited a decently long time, was patient and understanding, had several long talks about it, but finally had to issue an ultimatum. He caved and told me what I wanted to hear but over a year later nothing had changed. Had to break up with him and block him because I still love him and want to be with him but had to accept we didn't want the same things and it wasn't going to happen. Felt strung along. Sorry OP, can't have your cake and eat it too.

Wow. So how long ago was this? What did he say when you broke up with him? It sounds like he didn't step up to the plate. Would you ever take him back if he owned up to his mistakes and asked you to come back and marry him?

It's true, I tried to have it both ways. But I wanted to fix that in the end and she wouldn't let me.

[swhit42]

Wow. So how long ago was this? What did he say when you broke up with him? It sounds like he didn't step up to the plate. Would you ever take him back if he owned up to his mistakes and asked you to come back and marry him?

It's true, I tried to have it both ways. But I wanted to fix that in the end and she wouldn't let me.

Not that long ago, if you can't tell, I'm still pretty sad about it. He just wanted more time to figure out what he wants for his future, but by that point, I think we both knew he didn't want the same thing as me. I don't think I would take him back just for the fact that he's pretty much done that before and then backed out again. I do feel for you though, it sucks losing someone you really love. It's too bad she didn't give you a second chance. I had to give mine a few chances so I knew for sure I was making the right decision.