AdamWW's Intuitive Eating / Intuitive Training Log - All the Tasty Treats!

[AdamWW]

Then you should eat more rice. I think fruit may be helpful because of the digestive enzymes, actually. I've thought about that before. Pineapple and papaya in particular seemed to be foods I could digest after even a long period of restriction, and I craved them like crazy, too.

Re: coveting people's cheat meals and high-calorie days. The BEST part of being weight-restored and eating a healthy daily intake is that I am no longer food-obsessed. In fact for a long time that was my goal: eat enough that I don't spend my time fantasizing about food. That's the most pernicious part of an eating disorder in some ways. The way it hijacks your brain and keeps you from being able to think about more important things in life. I'm glad you have your therapist and the books you mentioned to help refocus. Out of curiosity, what in your life is important to you beyond the ED? I should know this, but are you in school, working?

Agreed: people who are hyper-focused on food are hungry and/or underfed. As much as I and others with ED's question what they feel, I can pretty much guarantee our intuition is correct: when we wonder "hmm.. i feel odd, MAYBE hungry, but I'm not sure", 99.9% of the time I bet we are / I am. But after such a long time of restriction, my perception of hunger is way, way off.

Indeed I work, I'm a senior manager at a large tech company up in/near Seattle.

In life in general my friends, family, and loved ones are #1 (unless my ED tries to take over, heh)... but for 'fun' and passions I love playing golf, sci fi movies, cars, and technology (like computers, games, etc). Recently I've become addicted to audiobooks

Are you gaining weight?

I imagine so. I'm not weighing myself right now because it tends to trigger me in a negative way.

[shesprints]

Does your therapist weigh you? Best practices state that therapists should make sure that ED patients are working toward becoming weight-restored. When I worked with a therapist she weighed me backwards. It's very important that you gain weight--you may not realize how much it can affect your health long-term to remain severely underweight. I've had MANY avoidable health problems over the years directly caused by starvation.

And yes, anytime you catch yourself wondering if you are hungry, you are. At this point I'm certain you must be hungry almost constantly... I remember how that felt and it was awful. I don't know if you've ever been in treatment, but taking some sort of supplemental nutrition like Ensure was standard even in my outpatient program. You might consider something like that. Talk it over with the therapist.

Ayy, my brother works in tech (********, he's a project manager). Neat hobbies. I love reading and audiobooks too (and welcome recs)--also writing. I'm currently working on a story that includes a male character with an eating disorder. I think there's not enough awareness out there of how often guys suffer from this stuff too.

[AdamWW]

Does your therapist weigh you? Best practices state that therapists should make sure that ED patients are working toward becoming weight-restored. When I worked with a therapist she weighed me backwards. It's very important that you gain weight--you may not realize how much it can affect your health long-term to remain severely underweight. I've had MANY avoidable health problems over the years directly caused by starvation.

And yes, anytime you catch yourself wondering if you are hungry, you are. At this point I'm certain you must be hungry almost constantly... I remember how that felt and it was awful. I don't know if you've ever been in treatment, but taking some sort of supplemental nutrition like Ensure was standard even in my outpatient program. You might consider something like that. Talk it over with the therapist.

Ayy, my brother works in tech (********, he's a project manager). Neat hobbies. I love reading and audiobooks too (and welcome recs)--also writing. I'm currently working on a story that includes a male character with an eating disorder. I think there's not enough awareness out there of how often guys suffer from this stuff too.

My therapy is focused on the mental aspects, more cognitive behavioral approaches/exposure therapy methods and talk therapy.

I'm also not technically diagnosed with a particular disorder, nor am I past the diagnostic level for something like anorexia (I think I am right on the upper-cusp of the anorexia weight spectrum... 17.5-17.6 BMI), so I'm not sure if that factors into the methodology. Also my primary doctor has basically said all my blood work looks perfect with the exception of some non-concerning idiopathic markers being very slightly off (ie - I have always had slightly low platelets)... so again not sure if that factors into what they do, but here we are

Coming up with new hobbies outside of food focus and control has been really useful for me. I was actually shocked when, after 2.5 years of being single now and losing 30+ lb, a friend of a friend who I had been considered asking out ended up asking me on a date.... so even that has kind of lit a 'spark' in me in a sense... just to be healthier overall. I'm slightly concerned about how it might effect me in recovery, but intuitively I really want to give it a try. So we'll see.

Writing is a great pass time... I want to get more into it myself, even just journalling. Extremely therapeutic and rewarding.

[shesprints]

Why are you concerned about dating and recovery? Because this person has recently lost weight? I think that having more of a social life and going out to eat, and ideally being in a relationship with someone who eats normally, can be very helpful.

[elephantstone]

I did yes. I can't eat too close to laying down because of my reflux, but I had something about 90min - 2 hours prior. just oats + almond butter, but it makes a difference!

It does so much, i'm going to try oats tonight before bed i usually eat it 2x a day as it like it and i can make it at work easy enough.
Will have mine with cottage cheese for that slow protein. its the 1% that helps

Glad to hear I'm not the only one that enjoys eating at night. I sleep so much better when I eat something around an hour before I go to bed (usually greek yoghurt with some nut butter). It just feels good good going to sleep with something in your stomach. It also stops me feeling hungry as soon as I wake up, which is useful as I prefer to save my first big meal of the day until after I work out in the afternoon.

[AdamWW]

Why are you concerned about dating and recovery? Because this person has recently lost weight? I think that having more of a social life and going out to eat, and ideally being in a relationship with someone who eats normally, can be very helpful.

Purely because I know I am not 100% 'OK' with myself, not fully able to love myself, and letting another person into my life when I am working through so much could be problematic... thats all. Of course I WANT it, but I don't want them to be caught off guard or exposed to a version of me that is not entirely myself (because the ED is still there).

[shesprints]

Purely because I know I am not 100% 'OK' with myself, not fully able to love myself, and letting another person into my life when I am working through so much could be problematic... thats all. Of course I WANT it, but I don't want them to be caught off guard or exposed to a version of me that is not entirely myself (because the ED is still there).

I can see taking more time to be comfortable with yourself... but, at the same time, it would be a shame if you let the ED deprive you of more of life, including a potential relationship.

[AdamWW]

I can see taking more time to be comfortable with yourself... but, at the same time, it would be a shame if you let the ED deprive you of more of life, including a potential relationship.

I agree, that's why I'm going on the date

I'm just sharing my concerns really... I want to make sure I'm doing things for the right reasons. It's hard to trust yourself when your mental state is one built on lack of self-trust and all that.

But I was thrilled when she asked me out... I was considering asking her out, but I never had the nerve because of my ED/mental stuff right now.

[AdamWW]

Went on the date, had a good conversation, actually it was like a 4 hour conversation

I did feel a bit awkward simply because it had been such a long time since I had been on any kind of date with someone, but overall it was good. Just had one pint of beer... I don't really drink so even one beer within a 1 hours timeframe 'takes the edge of' pretty well for me, heh.

Ended up coming home very very hungry and eating before bed. I actually got to sleep at like 930-10pm and didn't wake up until 8-830... I cannot remember the last time I got that much sleep in a single night.. crazy!

Food and body thoughts are all over the place right now.. sometimes I feel completely free, other times I feel lost.

Recovery is very random for sure.

[shesprints]

Yep, even years after being officially "recovered" it feels all over the place for me sometimes. Glad the date went well, though, that sounds awesome.

I have a habit of not eating enough when out with other people and coming home hungry, too. I'm trying HARD to fix that but it's still a challenge for me to eat as much as I would at home when I'm out in the wild not preparing the food myself etc. I get too tense to eat to fullness. Plus of course the stress of the date/social situation itself.

[whatevergirl]

Like your log here Adam, it's a great thing for accountability to at least ourselves.

Nice to hear your date went well, it's good to get out of our comfort zones. Have a good Sunday!

[AdamWW]

Yep, even years after being officially "recovered" it feels all over the place for me sometimes. Glad the date went well, though, that sounds awesome.

I have a habit of not eating enough when out with other people and coming home hungry, too. I'm trying HARD to fix that but it's still a challenge for me to eat as much as I would at home when I'm out in the wild not preparing the food myself etc. I get too tense to eat to fullness. Plus of course the stress of the date/social situation itself.

I think it's a very common thing when people are that far into recovery or even past the clear ED stages (ie they are now weight-restored and healthy) to have times of relapse without even knowing it. It's hard to get rid of habits even if those habits do not occur consciously.

Like you said, you can fall into restriction around other people without even knowing it... that did happen to me. I did not try to starve myself, I was simply immersed in something unrelated and it was distracting. However, I realized afterward that I do need to make a conscious effort to make sure I am giving myself energy. It's a tough balance to find for sure.

Like your log here Adam, it's a great thing for accountability to at least ourselves.

Nice to hear your date went well, it's good to get out of our comfort zones. Have a good Sunday!

Definitely was out of my comfort zone for sure, but I'm glad I went and did it

Enjoy your Sunday as well!

[elephantstone]

Went on the date, had a good conversation, actually it was like a 4 hour conversation

I did feel a bit awkward simply because it had been such a long time since I had been on any kind of date with someone, but overall it was good. Just had one pint of beer... I don't really drink so even one beer within a 1 hours timeframe 'takes the edge of' pretty well for me, heh.

Ended up coming home very very hungry and eating before bed. I actually got to sleep at like 930-10pm and didn't wake up until 8-830... I cannot remember the last time I got that much sleep in a single night.. crazy!

Food and body thoughts are all over the place right now.. sometimes I feel completely free, other times I feel lost.

Recovery is very random for sure.

Glad to hear the date went Adam!

About the one pint of beer, I certainly know that feeling. Ever since I got into fitness I've cut down on drinking massively, and my tolerance has plummeted. At least it makes for a cheap night.

[AdamWW]

Glad to hear the date went Adam!

About the one pint of beer, I certainly know that feeling. Ever since I got into fitness I've cut down on drinking massively, and my tolerance has plummeted. At least it makes for a cheap night.

I never crave alcohol but every now and then if I’m out somewhere then having a beer does feel and taste nice. I actually love the taste of beer but I need to be careful about it around meals because of reflux and I never consume enough to feel even slightly hungover. Always ended up drinking plenty of fluids too. I probably have one drink every 2 months...

On another note: she just texted saying she had fun and wanted to get brunch next weekend

[BennoMac]

I never crave alcohol but every now and then if I’m out somewhere then having a beer does feel and taste nice. I actually love the taste of beer but I need to be careful about it around meals because of reflux and I never consume enough to feel even slightly hungover. Always ended up drinking plenty of fluids too. I probably have one drink every 2 months...

On another note: she just texted saying she had fun and wanted to get brunch next weekend

Nice to see your feeling much better! good people deserve it like you.
2nd date sounds great! a woman is the perfect distraction.

I cant drink alcohol as my bung kidneys dont like it, but sometimes i crave it just to get away from reality sometimes. oh well i have to settle for getting drunk on life haha

[AdamWW]

Nice to see your feeling much better! good people deserve it like you.
2nd date sounds great! a woman is the perfect distraction.

I cant drink alcohol as my bung kidneys dont like it, but sometimes i crave it just to get away from reality sometimes. oh well i have to settle for getting drunk on life haha

I only ever crave it for the taste and the mild calming effect.. I kind of dislike getting drunk, but a light buzz is sometimes fun

Yeah im very eager/nervous... lots of things but very happy she had fun and I get a chance to learn more about her. She's a cool lady.

[AdamWW]

Lower body day today... I increased both weight AND reps on squats

ALSO added 5lb to my 4x8 romanian deadlifts... so PRETTY happy right now

[shesprints]

Good date and a good leg day? Fyeah! Maybe the date boosted your testosterone. 4 x 8 is a lot of deadlifts.

This may be jumping ahead because you've only had one date, but incidentally, I do find sex easier when I've had a little alcohol, just a good way to relax/let go of body anxiety. My mom always told me I should loosen up and drink more when I was in college, lol. Opposite of all of my friends' parents.

[AdamWW]

Good date and a good leg day? Fyeah! Maybe the date boosted your testosterone. 4 x 8 is a lot of deadlifts.

This may be jumping ahead because you've only had one date, but incidentally, I do find sex easier when I've had a little alcohol, just a good way to relax/let go of body anxiety. My mom always told me I should loosen up and drink more when I was in college, lol. Opposite of all of my friends' parents.

Well they were romanian deadlifts to be fair so not nearly as CNS-taxing

As far as the sex topic, I mean I'm only human so... c'mon now... of course these things come to mind.

BUT, that being said... that is actually a bit of a concern because my libido is nowhere near where it was when I was at my 'set point weight' area... I'm not completely indifferent or anything but usually my drive is pretty strong and being as light as I am I have definitely noticed it on the low end...

[AdamWW]

Interesting morning today... went to bed at 930pm and woke up at 515 feeling well-rested.

Went and did a fasted session (purely due to time) before work from 630-8am or so:

OHP 5x5
Barbell Row 4x8
Bodyweight Dips 10-9-9-9
Bodyweight Chins 8-8-8-7
BB Curls 3x9
Cable Tricep Extensions 3x9
Lateral Raises 3x12
Leg Raises... just whatever felt good... can't remember volume

I'm definitely gased as hell but it felt awesome and now it's out of the way

I actually added a rep my dips on the last two sets and a rep on my chins for the third set... so small gains but progress never the less!

The intuitive aspect definitely keeps things funner in the gym... eating-wise it's definitely more of a challenge but I do feel it getting easier. Only complaint: bloating. Man do I get bloated right now.

[BennoMac]

Interesting morning today... went to bed at 930pm and woke up at 515 feeling well-rested.

Went and did a fasted session (purely due to time) before work from 630-8am or so:

OHP 5x5
Barbell Row 4x8
Bodyweight Dips 10-9-9-9
Bodyweight Chins 8-8-8-7
BB Curls 3x9
Cable Tricep Extensions 3x9
Lateral Raises 3x12
Leg Raises... just whatever felt good... can't remember volume

I'm definitely gased as hell but it felt awesome and now it's out of the way

I actually added a rep my dips on the last two sets and a rep on my chins for the third set... so small gains but progress never the less!

The intuitive aspect definitely keeps things funner in the gym... eating-wise it's definitely more of a challenge but I do feel it getting easier. Only complaint: bloating. Man do I get bloated right now.

Looks like your ready to go weighted Dips.
Your workout is very similar to my Upper A i do bench instead of OHP. Should do some Face pulls with Lateral raises

I always feel bloated now to this is the most i have eaten in over 2 years...

[AdamWW]

Looks like your ready to go weighted Dips.
Your workout is very similar to my Upper A i do bench instead of OHP. Should do some Face pulls with Lateral raises

I always feel bloated now to this is the most i have eaten in over 2 years...

I do weighted dips sometimes but when I start with OHP i like ending with something that is Bodyweight... also the gym I used today doesn't have a dip belt =o(

I usually alternate, depending on how much shoulders feel, between bench and OHP... if I do bench press I usually choose something like seated DB presses for my second upper pushing movement just to hit more of the delts.

Face pulls honestly just feel weird to me... I still do them, but the thing is that after BB Rows and Chins, my upper-back/rear delts are very taxed already and they feel like they got enough stimulation, whereas after the dips and OHP my side delts still feel loose and good to go... but I do face pulls from time to time... again it's all intuitive when it comes to anything except OHP, Bench, Squat, and Deadlift movements... if I don't feel like doing facepulls one day, I don't do them


Regarding the bloating... I just expect it now and it's become kind of a normal thing. I hate it, of course, but in time it will get better. My hunger cues and urges are still not normalized and it's hard to do anything but keep on doing and eating whatever and whenever I want. Like today I Just wasn't hungry until AFTER I trained... so I didn't eat until like 830-9am even though I woke up at 530 and lifted for 1.5 hours... and I didn't even eat hardly anything after that... breakfast post-workout was just about 100g of oats, 1/2 scoop of protein, cup of blueberries, and some cinnamon...

then, I didn't eat until 6 hours later at like 230... but then at 230 I had a 1200 calorie meal with over 160g of carbs in a single sitting... and I'm not even super full right now, just satisfied really...

But I mean, I feel great... when my body asks for something I'm giving it what it wants.. ice cream, fruit, nuts, pizza, salt, burritos... doesn't matter... I just eat what I crave until the desire to eat is gone... i'm sure my body is quite confused especially when some days my body only craves like 2500 calories, and then the next i must end up at like 5k.... kinda weird but... meh

[BennoMac]

I do weighted dips sometimes but when I start with OHP i like ending with something that is Bodyweight... also the gym I used today doesn't have a dip belt =o(

I usually alternate, depending on how much shoulders feel, between bench and OHP... if I do bench press I usually choose something like seated DB presses for my second upper pushing movement just to hit more of the delts.

Face pulls honestly just feel weird to me... I still do them, but the thing is that after BB Rows and Chins, my upper-back/rear delts are very taxed already and they feel like they got enough stimulation, whereas after the dips and OHP my side delts still feel loose and good to go... but I do face pulls from time to time... again it's all intuitive when it comes to anything except OHP, Bench, Squat, and Deadlift movements... if I don't feel like doing facepulls one day, I don't do them


Regarding the bloating... I just expect it now and it's become kind of a normal thing. I hate it, of course, but in time it will get better. My hunger cues and urges are still not normalized and it's hard to do anything but keep on doing and eating whatever and whenever I want. Like today I Just wasn't hungry until AFTER I trained... so I didn't eat until like 830-9am even though I woke up at 530 and lifted for 1.5 hours... and I didn't even eat hardly anything after that... breakfast post-workout was just about 100g of oats, 1/2 scoop of protein, cup of blueberries, and some cinnamon...

then, I didn't eat until 6 hours later at like 230... but then at 230 I had a 1200 calorie meal with over 160g of carbs in a single sitting... and I'm not even super full right now, just satisfied really...

But I mean, I feel great... when my body asks for something I'm giving it what it wants.. ice cream, fruit, nuts, pizza, salt, burritos... doesn't matter... I just eat what I crave until the desire to eat is gone... i'm sure my body is quite confused especially when some days my body only craves like 2500 calories, and then the next i must end up at like 5k.... kinda weird but... meh

I can agree to the eating part im never hungry until i have my first meal then im hungry every 2-3 hours haha... i eat around 8:30-9am everyday never before that. I have 4 main meals and snacks inbetween. How awesome is oats in the morning Currently smashing Oats, Whey, Banana and PB every morning, god i love bulking.

I love taxing my shoulders till i cant raise my arms. Bench, Weighted Dips, Barbell Rows, Weighted Chin Ups, Side Lateral and Face Pulls are all in the same days workout. if i dont hit them hard i feel like i have let myself go haha...

[AdamWW]

I can agree to the eating part im never hungry until i have my first meal then im hungry every 2-3 hours haha... i eat around 8:30-9am everyday never before that. I have 4 main meals and snacks inbetween. How awesome is oats in the morning Currently smashing Oats, Whey, Banana and PB every morning, god i love bulking.

I love taxing my shoulders till i cant raise my arms. Bench, Weighted Dips, Barbell Rows, Weighted Chin Ups, Side Lateral and Face Pulls are all in the same days workout. if i dont hit them hard i feel like i have let myself go haha...

Be careful putting too much stress on your shoulders, rotator cuff issues and inflammation are very common and can be a real hassle. Plus, it’s such a common flex action point that you really don’t need a lot of isolation work.

Oats are great... I love them. Even though I no longer ascribe to the cycles of bulking and cutting, you can have oats and pb and fruit regardless of your current goals. Enjoy!

[AdamWW]

Total rest day today... just don't feel like lifting at all...

But jesus, I just had THE most delicious milkshake: vegan coffee/vanilla...




super thick... super rich... good lawd

[BennoMac]

Be careful putting too much stress on your shoulders, rotator cuff issues and inflammation are very common and can be a real hassle. Plus, it’s such a common flex action point that you really don’t need a lot of isolation work.

Oats are great... I love them. Even though I no longer ascribe to the cycles of bulking and cutting, you can have oats and pb and fruit regardless of your current goals. Enjoy!

My shoulders are weak so i tend to not be able to lift to much weight with them so i add volume until the weight will come up. if i cant do 8 reps i know i have done to much, never force those last reps or sets if your fatigued.
I Always do rotator cuff warm ups before shoulder day.

That milkshake looks amazing!

[AdamWW]

Not sure what's been going on lately with my sleep, but I seem to be on a cycle wherein Day 1 = almost no sleep (I wake up at 2am or so after getting to bed at 10 and then cannot get back to sleep or even feel tired until the sun starts the rise), and then the next day I oversleep and get like 10 hours...

Last night was an oversleeping day. Woke up this morning not feeling any hunger at all... in fact almost all day it's been like that.

This is one of the hardest parts of recovery: knowing you have to eat even when you don't feel hungry.

I'm not even certain if it's the RIGHT thing to do, but I'm doing it anyway to be safe.

Oddly enough, I had an AWESOME lower body workout!

- Added 10lb on my squat for the first set (remaining 4 sets were +5lb from the previous session)
- Added a rep on leg press
- Added a rep on Romanian Deadlifts
- Added more volume on calf raises (which means next session I'll pump up the weight)

Besides that it's just been a weird, weird day... very hard to explain. This time of year always feels kind of horrible to me... short days, no sunshine here... cold... wet... just blah...

It's going to take some effort to force myself to eat... I just don't feel like it oddly enough

[AdamWW]

Morning fasted workout today... I just wanted to get it done and out of the way since today will be super busy, in a good way

By the end of this weekend I will be FULLY moved into my new townhouse which i OWN... I cannot believe that I own property in the Seattle area. Definitely feeling blessed... plus, I will have a gas stove!

Anyway, it was upper body this morning.

I have to be honest and say I didn't feel strong but I felt energized. Hard to explain.

Ended up doing the following...

Barbell Rows (I did add a rep on my last set) 4x8
Bodyweight Chins 4x8x8x8x7
Bench 5x5
Seated DB Presses (military) 3x8
Cable Flies 3x10
Skullcrushers 3x9
Seated DB Curls 3x10
Facepulls 3x10

And I finished with some core work that was mainly rotational with a medicine ball. I haven't been doing much 'ab' work simply because my core has been very active from all the core lifts, and I don't feel like my abs need energy dedicated to them right now.

Like I said, I didn't see progress other than on the Rows, really, but I kind of expected that after yesterday not getting in as much food as I would have liked... I was just too bloated.

Today, however, my appetite is back and I'm good to go

[shesprints]

Undereating can give us superficial energy. Keep an eye on that. But I'm glad your appetite is back. And OMG CONGRATULATIONS ON OWNING YOUR OWN PLACE! That's godmode right there, plus great for your dating life. I just renewed my lease... that's as good as it gets for me. But I am happy with my place so I'll take what I can get.

Fun fact: chocolate is a known appetite stimulant.

[AdamWW]

Undereating can give us superficial energy. Keep an eye on that. But I'm glad your appetite is back. And OMG CONGRATULATIONS ON OWNING YOUR OWN PLACE! That's godmode right there, plus great for your dating life. I just renewed my lease... that's as good as it gets for me. But I am happy with my place so I'll take what I can get.

Fun fact: chocolate is a known appetite stimulant.

Me and chocolate are friends I've actually been adding a square or two of dark chocolate to my oats when I have them along with Almond Butter and Banana... definitely stimulates my appetite!

According to my therapist these shifts in hunger levels and sleep patterns are VERY normal... my body is not used to getting what it wants and it's taking longer to process certain foods while it prioritizes fast digesting carbs and sources of overt fats (like oil...).

She recommended that I scale back on vegetables and fiber consumption to help with this... which does make sense. My thought is that my digestive system, for the time being, is in hyperdrive when it gets readily available calories (especially from processed food), and when I mix that with complex carbs and/or fiber, my gut simply cannot process the fiberous sources in the same way... so, they get to my large intestine and they're basically just a brick wall...

For now, I think I need more rice, cereal, and low-fiber fruits and veggies as well as things like tofu (as opposed to tempeh) while my body is in this quick-absorption mode. Once my body realizes I am no longer in starvation, it should be able to handle the more fiberous things.

Looks like i'm due for a trip to the store for dates, raisins, cereal, almond milk (that IS sweetend), more nut butters, tofu, granola, and even supplements if it means I can pack in calories more quickly.

Not used to eating this way but you gotta do what you gotta do.

AND i'm definitely very excited for my move. I've been living alone for a while but the house I am in is owned by my dad, and it's been having renovations for while which kind of makes the situation hectic because there is sometimes a contractor here working on the place... lots of noise, hard to predict his schedule...etc...etc. With my own place all to myself, I get to decorate and basically start a new chapter in my life. It's going to be great!