AdamWW's Intuitive Eating / Intuitive Training Log - All the Tasty Treats!

[AdamWW]

While I was never diagnosed with one (I never went to go get it checked), I did recently go through a 1.5 year stretch where I was showing almost all of the symptoms of an eating disorder. I'm 5'9 and the lowest I got to was 147. Like you, I would look at myself in the mirror to reassure myself that I looked "fine", but in hindsight, it probably provided me with a distorted viewpoint. It wasn't until I took a picture of myself and looked at it that I realized how thin and unhealthy that I had become. To keep things short, ever since then I've been able to change my mindset with regards to how I view my weight. I'm 165 pounds now and physically I feel like I look a lot better now than I did at 147. More importantly though, mentally I feel like I'm in a great place where I now don't stress out or panic when I see weight gain.

One thing I'll mention, and probably everyone (and seemingly you as well) will agree with me, is that in the pictures that you provided in the first page, you look a lot better when you were at 170 than you do currently at 130. Do some experimenting with your diet. Don't be afraid to gain weight. You could put on 20 pounds and still look thin. You might be surprised at some of things you discover along the way, as I have.

Good luck to you. I look forward to your weigh-in at the end of the month.

Having general issues/concerns/negative thoughts about body image is not the same as a clinically-diagnosed eating disorder, which is one of the several mental conditions I live with.

Second of all, you’re telling me things I already know (as Heisman stated above).

I appreciate the effort in trying to help but there seems to be a great deal of context you’re missing.

[kals87]

kals87, if you were 5'9" an 147 pounds that's a BMI of 21.7. That's perfectly healthy. Your mindset/mental outlook may have been unhealthy but nothing about your height/weight indicates you were unhealthy. AdamWW has already acknowledged in the last few posts he's still dealing with the mental aspects of the eating disorder; giving him basic advice such as "don't be afraid to gain weight" simply isn't going to be helpful even if it's said with good intentions.

I take BMI with a grain of salt. At my current weight/height, BMI would indicate that I'm bordering on being overweight. I still fit into my size small shirts. I'm nowhere near overweight Regardless of what my weight was, yes my mindset/mental outlook was unhealthy, which is what caused this whole episode in the first place.

My message to AdamWW wasn't merely "don't be afraid to gain weight". I'm sorry if it came out like that because you're right, that's too basic. Mentally, there are factors that are preventing him from making progress towards gaining weight. What that exactly is, nobody knows except AdamWW. I don't want to delve too much deeper into his issue because he didn't ask for help. All I wanted to was to spur on some critical self-reflection and to see if anything in my story may turn on that light bulb in his mind.

[kals87]

Having general issues/concerns/negative thoughts about body image is not the same as a clinically-diagnosed eating disorder, which is one of the several mental conditions I live with.

Second of all, you’re telling me things I already know (as Heisman stated above).

I appreciate the effort in trying to help but there seems to be a great deal of context you’re missing.

On my end, I shouldn't have gotten involved in this thread in the first place, but given the concerning trend shown in your past nutrition logs, I was really hoping this time you had actually made some real progress with your weight. I left out a lot of detail in my own story because I didn't want to get too deep in this, but I guess it would have been better if I didn't involve myself in this at all.

[AdamWW]

Finally got around to trying one of the local vegan restaurants.

This spot is supposed to be like a Tiki Bar/Beach food spot... lots of tacos, nachos, sandwiches, and other cool stuff.

I had the crab cake sandwich

[AdamWW]

Tried my luck at tofu peanut curry (Jasmine rice not pictured).

It turned out OK, but I think I missed the mark on how much curry powder and spice to add, and used a little too much coconut milk. That being said, it was amazing when the rice soaked up the actual curry and I topped it with sriracha.

I'm extremely full but I'm experiencing a lot of extreme hunger right now, so there's not much I can do except to eat some sweet things (I can't really stomach any more salty things at the moment). So, hopefully I'll be able to blend up some bananas and throw some granola on it for dessert before it gets too late.

Either way, this was the most total food I've eaten in a day in a very long time (I had two other meals earlier in addition to the sandwich and the curry).

[AdamWW]

Alrighty so after averaging out the last 7 days of weigh-ins I ended with 126.5

Moving forward I'm going to weigh in on the last 4 days of each month and average those to get a 'real' month-end weight. Only did a 7-day this time around because I was super, super bloated for a couple days and I knew I needed to uh.... purge some of it.



How I'm feeling today? Mentally amazing, physically... weird. I'm full as hell but I just want to eat, sit, and maybe do some overhead press. My body has that 'spilled over' feeling when you overfeed carbs and sodium and oil.

I don't know how to explain it but, it doesn't feel 'good', yet somehow I feel very strong... interdasting.



Another new thing I am going to do here is product reviews when I try something new (ice cream, snacks, recipes, etc), and it'll include new restaurants I try out.

[AdamWW]

Indulged in fear foods last night.... 2 clif bars, a fudge macaroon, and homemade peanut butter banana ‘Nice cream’.

Woke up feeling very overheated, but actually great today... somehow, just as hungry as ever...
Mentally super clear.

I guess that’s what 4-5k calories in a day can do, especially higher fats and sugars, when you’re underweight.

[AdamWW]

Lower-body workout done... went freaking great... I don't know if I've felt this awake in... months maybe.

Dinner tonight will be either thai or pizza... not sure yet

[AdamWW]

Already got hungry for pizza....

Everything I had today.... so far. Decided to say f*ck it and just eat out for every meal... well, except the Clif bar.

Large Chia Breakfast Bowl


Clif Mint Builder Bar


Thai Peanut Tempeh Wrap


12" Vegan Pizza - Local Place!


Non-Dairy Peanut Fudge Sundae



Not even full... oh well...

Might do a movie and some popcorn at home... I dunno... lol.

[AdamWW]

Had a rough night last night... pretty poor sleep on Thursday evening due to a number of mental and work-related stresses. Ended up taking both thursday and friday off the gym, which included zero cardio, just whatever movement resulted from the days' activities.

Last night I had Pho with the girl I've been seeing for a bit, which is going well, but I am still struggling with the idea of a new relationship so I'm not without my concerns.

ANYway, she brought me homemade chocolate chip walnut cookies which were amazing, and she stayed over despite my being pretty sick (some kind of weird head cold). The problem was, I still end up mentally not feeling 'all there' because half of my focus feels centered on getting to know myself and the other half wants to branch out and stop being so inwardly focused.

And so, not great sleep last night really.

I went into the gym today because I figured some movement might do me good, and it went OK... at the very least it got my appetite going.

Definitely feeling uncomfortable with the softness I'm feeling around my sides/stomach, but I do realize it's almost entirely water with some fat in there.

I'm actually really trying to detach entirely from the idea of staying lean AT ALL and making some kind of goal in the direction of just becoming a new person... not 'fulking' or whatever, but just full acceptance that I might actually become chubby, and be happy with that. I'll still get stronger, but maybe becoming a thick/burly powerlifter would be a better route. Who knows?

Cheers everyone... i'm running on about 3.5k calories already I think and it's not even 530pm so... yeah.

[AdamWW]

Ordered me some craft ice cream... ALL vegan

Salt & Straw’s VEGAN Happy Birthday Elvis

DESCRIPTION
“…inspired by [Elvis’] love of peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwiches. This year we made a banana coconut ice cream…swirled in both marionberry jam and peanut butter fudge. Finally we stir in shaved coconut cooked in a mix of tamari, smoked tea, and maple syrup so it’s candied to taste exactly like bacon. It’s overwhelmingly sweet and salty at the same time…”





AT FIRST GLANCE



OPENING SCOOP


GOING DEEPER

[blyatboy]

id eat that ice cream

[AdamWW]

id eat that ice cream

left a detailed review in the Ice Cream Eating Now thread

It was very tasty

[Gwybodaeth]

Does this help? I mean, the posting and conversing about food, having it play such an important role in your life. I've struggled with depressants (mostly opiates and benzos) for a little while now, and I found that the worst possible thing to do was keep them in my mind and talk about them. It helped talking ABOUT problems, but not recounting what I have been taking, what I feel when I take them etc...I suppose it could be different for eating disorders, though.

[AdamWW]

Does this help? I mean, the posting and conversing about food, having it play such an important role in your life. I've struggled with depressants (mostly opiates and benzos) for a little while now, and I found that the worst possible thing to do was keep them in my mind and talk about them. It helped talking ABOUT problems, but not recounting what I have been taking, what I feel when I take them etc...I suppose it could be different for eating disorders, though.

It helps me at the moment, yes.

Everyone's different. What I'm finding is that my turning food into an abundant resource, rather than something to be feared or conserved, I'm able to treat it more objectively. That actually includes things like overeating on purpose and seeing how much body responds, because there's also an issue of trusting myself around food to regulate my intake. So in a sense, I'm proving to myself there's nothing to be afraid of.

It's a pretty common method in cognitive behavioral therapy that people sometimes call 'exposures' or 'exposure therapy'... basically you dive into the deep end, face your fears, while being mindful of how it effects your state of mind.

And yeah it is VERY different than treatment for drug addictions because, unlike drugs, you NEED food to survive... I couldn't see anyone recommending posting pictures of their drug habits in the hopes it'd help.

[boo99]

^^Ice Cream looks bomb, never heard of that, thanks for sharing Adam, I take it only online to buy?

[AdamWW]

^^Ice Cream looks bomb, never heard of that, thanks for sharing Adam, I take it only online to buy?

Hey dude!

For me yeah just online. They have a couple locations in Cali tho and one in Portland

[boo99]

Hey dude!

For me yeah just online. They have a couple locations in Cali tho and one in Portland

Hola

I will scout around for some

I know this is heresy, but generally not a huge ice cream fan, but that looks too hnnggg

[AdamWW]

Hola

I will scout around for some

I know this is heresy, but generally not a huge ice cream fan, but that looks too hnnggg

Check out my review in the ice cream thread for details.. it was good, but not perfect for what it was trying to do!!! They tried making a mock-bacon out of coconut pieces and it didn't quite do it.

HOWEVER, still super tasty of course.

And honestly ice cream is not my go-to either... I mean I love it, but, of all the snack or dessert options out there I would choose other things

[AdamWW]

Yesterday's and Today's workouts went awesome..

So much energy for legs today... squats felt so easy, Romanians felt easy... i'll definitely be bumping it up next workout by 5-10lb

Not to mention, I slept great last night and didn't feel all cold like I usually do.

Very exciting times!

[boo99]

Check out my review in the ice cream thread for details.. it was good, but not perfect for what it was trying to do!!! They tried making a mock-bacon out of coconut pieces and it didn't quite do it.

HOWEVER, still super tasty of course.

And honestly ice cream is not my go-to either... I mean I love it, but, of all the snack or dessert options out there I would choose other things

Agree with the other snack options for sure

Ok I will check it out in that thread, which I never went into yet

Glad you had good energy and slept well bro

Thanks Adam

[AdamWW]

Agree with the other snack options for sure

Ok I will check it out in that thread, which I never went into yet

Glad you had good energy and slept well bro

Thanks Adam

I'm pretty positive that Salt & Straw is not carried in any retail stores... you basically have to pay for expensive shipping or go in-person to get them. I ordered 5 pints and even just shipping that from Portland to Seattle was $20, +$65 for 5 pints... so it ends up being like $17 per pint. So again it's NOT what I'd usually do... i'm more than happy to buy pints of cashew-milk ice cream for $4-5 from time to time if I get a craving and just enjoy those.

BUT, Salt & Straw decided to do this 'all-vegan' specialty flavor release in January (they do a handful of limited-batch releases during the year) and I simply couldn't let it go by, especially when the flavors they added for just this month sounded so good (I have three more to try).

Plus, in my situation, having 'easy' calories (their ice creams are VERY rich) is a good thing.. 1-2 servings of this stuff is probably 500-600 calories or so, but it doesn't say on the container... but that only takes me like 5-10min and doesn't fill me at all.

Usually if I have dessert, I'm more of a dark chocolate/pie kind of person, OR i'll snack on fruit/nuts... ice cream just isn't very practical... I like to savor food and once ice cream starts to melt it just doesn't last. So, if it's something sweet I want, typically I go for something like cereal or fruit or trail mix that has dried fruit and chocolate in it.

I'm also more interested in contrast between salty-sweet... like kettle corn... I could probably eat like 20 cups of kettle corn

[Gwybodaeth]

unlike drugs, you NEED food to survive...

I dunno, people die from benzo/barb/alcohol withdrawal...grand mal seizures aren't fun.

Hmm, interesting though. I have no clue how eating disorders work, to be honest; stuff like GAD, borderline etc. can be treated pretty well with medication. Do you get anxiety or any other symptoms?

[AdamWW]

I dunno, people die from benzo/barb/alcohol withdrawal...grand mal seizures aren't fun.

Hmm, interesting though. I have no clue how eating disorders work, to be honest; stuff like GAD, borderline etc. can be treated pretty well with medication. Do you get anxiety or any other symptoms?

Yeah that's just not a good comparison man... not the same thing /

[boo99]

I'm pretty positive that Salt & Straw is not carried in any retail stores... you basically have to pay for expensive shipping or go in-person to get them. I ordered 5 pints and even just shipping that from Portland to Seattle was $20, +$65 for 5 pints... so it ends up being like $17 per pint. So again it's NOT what I'd usually do... i'm more than happy to buy pints of cashew-milk ice cream for $4-5 from time to time if I get a craving and just enjoy those.

BUT, Salt & Straw decided to do this 'all-vegan' specialty flavor release in January (they do a handful of limited-batch releases during the year) and I simply couldn't let it go by, especially when the flavors they added for just this month sounded so good (I have three more to try).

Plus, in my situation, having 'easy' calories (their ice creams are VERY rich) is a good thing.. 1-2 servings of this stuff is probably 500-600 calories or so, but it doesn't say on the container... but that only takes me like 5-10min and doesn't fill me at all.

Usually if I have dessert, I'm more of a dark chocolate/pie kind of person, OR i'll snack on fruit/nuts... ice cream just isn't very practical... I like to savor food and once ice cream starts to melt it just doesn't last. So, if it's something sweet I want, typically I go for something like cereal or fruit or trail mix that has dried fruit and chocolate in it.

I'm also more interested in contrast between salty-sweet... like kettle corn... I could probably eat like 20 cups of kettle corn

Wow that shipping will break my piggy bank alone

I know what you mean about the salt-sweet contrast thing; kettle corn is a great example

Seems with my OCD and being a Libran (IF that means anything but I did grow up in LA too hehe) I always like a balance between those two

Like after salty things I need sweet and vice versa

[AdamWW]

Last two of the January vegan Salt & Straw flavors... I definitely left the best for last!

Salt & Straw's Vegan Chocolate Hazelnut Fudge

Description

"...the perfect combination of hazelnut milk and hazelnut butter with a little salt, sugar, and really good cocoa powder. And so it’s as over-the-top delicious as possible, we fold in pieces of our homemade gluten-free brownies."




Rating: 9/10








Salt & Straw's Vegan Heidi Ho's Lemon Cheesecake

Description

"cultured cashew chevre...blended with coconut milk and lemon to make a rich cheesecake. We swirl that into to a simple vanilla coconut ice cream that really lets the cheese taste shine, and then crumble in some almond flour crust for a super-indulgent ice cream that tastes a little bit like birthday cake."

This is the best vegan ice cream i've ever had... yeah...






Ratiung: 9.5/10

[boo99]

^^Both look hnnnng!

[AdamWW]

^^Both look hnnnng!

oh they were my friend.... they were... some of the best i've ever had... ever.

If you like chocolate and/or nutella AND/OR soft/chewy brownies, you'd probably get the first one a 10/10.

For me though I just don't love chocolate enough for that.

The cheesecake one... i mean jesus... I don't even like lemon that much and it was almost perfect.

I'm sure both are like 300cals/serving+, hehehe

[boo99]

oh they were my friend.... they were... some of the best i've ever had... ever.

If you like chocolate and/or nutella AND/OR soft/chewy brownies, you'd probably get the first one a 10/10.

For me though I just don't love chocolate enough for that.

The cheesecake one... i mean jesus... I don't even like lemon that much and it was almost perfect.

I'm sure both are like 300cals/serving+, hehehe

Interesting you say that with chocolate, I wrote a post that I would prefer the Lemon Cheesecake one as well but changed it

I am not a huge fan of chocolate as well, it gets to me in larger quantities, some is OK but I cant see eating a huge amount but that Lemon Cheesecake= no problem in huge amounts

[AdamWW]

Interesting you say that with chocolate, I wrote a post that I would prefer the Lemon Cheesecake one as well but changed it

I am not a huge fan of chocolate as well, it gets to me in larger quantities, some is OK but I cant see eating a huge amount but that Lemon Cheesecake= no problem in huge amounts

They're both great, but I couldn't finish the Hazelnut pint in a sitting unless I forced it. Just about 1/4 of the pint was about all I wanted before stopping. The lemon cheesecake though I could easily down the whole thing.

My far, my favorite type of ice creams are cinnamon/cookie/peanut butter/or similar flavors. A good example would be Ben and Jerry's cinnamon buns, oatmeal cookie chunk, chubby hubby, or Milk & Cookies or the vegan Peanut Butter and Cookies... I just don't enjoy chocolate enough to consume it in high amounts. Hell even vanilla bean ice cream tastes good to me plain