[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

[Benchcurls]

Options/stock trading. Been addicted ever since I won 13k in an hour, aint ever been right since.

Of course. Practically every story of life-destroying gambling addiction starts with a big win; winning is the worst thing that can happen to a gambler. At least with casino gambling you can more clearly calculate probability and recognise that its a losers game. I imagine options/stock trading really distorts your perceptions of winnability, making it easier for you to rationalise your demons back into manifest reality.

When you have kicked the habit before were you able to distance yourself from that scene altogether? or does your work make it hard for you to avoid watching the market?

[brahskimoseph]

^ what is the compulsion behind it? The feeling of anticipation and wanting to keep getting that high or is it genuinely the desire for the money at stake? What would you do if you were up 150k instead?

I would cut it if I was up 150k and go right into scalping natural gas.

For me I realize as much as I hate the anxiety and stress, I really love it. It makes you think quicker, gives you a huge surge of energy. Idk if youve ever experienced seeing your entire lifes saving drop to 1% of its previous worth on monday, and then on friday, the last day of expiration on the option, it rockets back up 100%. Even just typing that out makes the jittery,intense exhilarating feeling come back. oh yeah, and then I got greedy and that same 30k I “won” back, went all down the drain in 30 minutes.

Another part of it is so many of my friends are rich. Not well off, I mean rich. Two in the NFL, one bitcoin millionaire, another made countless thousands off gold, family inheritances. And then theres me, Mr. Go Getter, who paid his way thru college, who busted his ass, who always preached safe and logical investments, who is flat fukin broke. I hate not being chit man, I really fukin do. Ive always, always, always come so close to winning, whether it be the state championship, getting into a Ivy League, the girl of my dreams ect, but I never quite make it.

[DizzySmalls]

I would cut it if I was up 150k and go right into scalping natural gas.

For me I realize as much as I hate the anxiety and stress, I really love it. It makes you think quicker, gives you a huge surge of energy. Idk if youve ever experienced seeing your entire lifes saving drop to 1% of its previous worth on monday, and then on friday, the last day of expiration on the option, it rockets back up 100%. Even just typing that out makes the jittery,intense exhilarating feeling come back. oh yeah, and then I got greedy and that same 30k I “won” back, went all down the drain in 30 minutes.

Another part of it is so many of my friends are rich. Not well off, I mean rich. Two in the NFL, one bitcoin millionaire, another made countless thousands off gold, family inheritances. And then theres me, Mr. Go Getter, who paid his way thru college, who busted his ass, who always preached safe and logical investments, who is flat fukin broke. I hate not being chit man, I really fukin do. Ive always, always, always come so close to winning, whether it be the state championship, getting into a Ivy League, the girl of my dreams ect, but I never quite make it.

It sounds almost like you want to validate yourself vs. your peers' achievements more than you actually want to get that money and spend it. I can empathize with that.

[brahskimoseph]

Of course. Practically every story of life-destroying gambling addiction starts with a big win; winning is the worst thing that can happen to a gambler. At least with casino gambling you can more clearly calculate probability and recognise that its a losers game. I imagine options/stock trading really distorts your perceptions of winnability, making it easier for you to rationalise your demons back into manifest reality.

When you have kicked the habit before were you able to distance yourself from that scene altogether? or does your work make it hard for you to avoid watching the market?

Ive deleted my accounts before, or purposely pattern day traded myself to stop, disabled options trading, ect but like clockwork I get depressed and anxious with where im at in life and decide its worth throwing it all out the window for a shot at the big time.

I have friends who obviously trade and talk about it all the time, which doesnt help, but Ive kinda of given up at this point.

This suicidal feeing will pass in 3 months or so, Ill get bored, see options/make mock options play that go up 1000-4000%, and do it all over again. Every time I say Ill scale in, adjust, hedge with straddles, or just stick to scalping where Ive had great sucess, but I never, ever do. Thats the fuked part, cuz for about 7 months I was really sucessful at scalping natural gas, but then a buddy told me I was an idiot for not doing options, how he turned 400 into 4000, how my little .25-.5% gains were nothing, a I gave it a shot. Sure enough I win big. The rest is history.

[brahskimoseph]

It sounds almost like you want to validate yourself vs. your peers' achievements more than you actually want to get that money and spend it. I can empathize with that.

Some what. I mean tbh I love lifting because I know im stronger than almost everyone in the gym. i am arrogant as fuk brah, make no mistake just one look at my posting history can tell you that.

But I also want financial independence, to own my home outright, to make my own living. That was the original goal, and it has become so twisted and far away now.

Edit: Man, even just looking in the mirror at my eyes, there isnt anything there. Nothing, no thoughts, no feelings, just a fukin robot whos sole purpose is to self-immolate anything of value he posseses

[DizzySmalls]

Had a bit of a food binge for the first time in ~8-9 months today. Felt absolutely terrible, can't believe the grip it had on me for years on end.

[Casca]

I just got called and learned someone I didn't really know that well died. Probably suicide. I am introverted, not emotionless, but I don't really show that stuff. I have known lots of people throughout my time in the military that are dead now. Some of them on the job, some of them suicides. She called me for advice. I have none.

[brahskimoseph]

And thats it. Its over. Just lost 7500$ in less than 4 days.

So since last year.. keep in mind I dont make much money ive turned

From September to October -55,000 -> 0
October to January 10th -> Saved up 15k ->0
January 10th to Now -> saved up 10k -> 0

At which point do I just give up and kill myself? I dont lack pattern recognition, I can clearly see what Ive been doing doesnt work, effects my emotions and work, and my life and future, yet even today, Ive lost everything, and I still plan on doing this again. I had a strong urge to just blow out my brains, but its since faded and now I want to play again.

Dear diary.....

Whatever man, no one gives a fuk, ****ers like me need to just be taken out back and shot

[ButcherSir]

And thats it. Its over. Just lost 7500$ in less than 4 days.

So since last year.. keep in mind I dont make much money ive turned

From September to October -55,000 -> 0
October to January 10th -> Saved up 15k ->0
January 10th to Now -> saved up 10k -> 0

At which point do I just give up and kill myself? I dont lack pattern recognition, I can clearly see what Ive been doing doesnt work, effects my emotions and work, and my life and future, yet even today, Ive lost everything, and I still plan on doing this again. I had a strong urge to just blow out my brains, but its since faded and now I want to play again.

Dear diary.....

Whatever man, no one gives a fuk, ****ers like me need to just be taken out back and shot

what happened brah? u missed the green days this weeks?
if you dont need the cash asap long term will give you good gainz man. stay strong

[DizzySmalls]

And thats it. Its over. Just lost 7500$ in less than 4 days.

So since last year.. keep in mind I dont make much money ive turned

From September to October -55,000 -> 0
October to January 10th -> Saved up 15k ->0
January 10th to Now -> saved up 10k -> 0

At which point do I just give up and kill myself? I dont lack pattern recognition, I can clearly see what Ive been doing doesnt work, effects my emotions and work, and my life and future, yet even today, Ive lost everything, and I still plan on doing this again. I had a strong urge to just blow out my brains, but its since faded and now I want to play again.

Dear diary.....

Whatever man, no one gives a fuk, ****ers like me need to just be taken out back and shot

I have these thought processes all the time. Your body clings to life, even when your mind fights against it.

You set the standard which you value yourself by ultimately, although tbh it's pretty hard to change. You are probably shooting too high, too fast with your desire to get quick returns. You must be making pretty decent money to even be able to save the amounts you save in such short periods of time. You'd have to be comparing yourself to elites to feel that you don't make much income

[eod8989]

Physical sick at my office job. I just stand in a room all day by myself. Theres nothing to do because of the Corona. Walked outside and it's a ghost town. Dont know how you office bros cope. I have to leave every week because I am just sick of the isolation.

[HoustonMiscer]

When no one reaches out to you to ask you how you are doing during this covid 19 time that's how you know no one loves you or cares about you. You are the forgotten being that just exists for no reason.

[sandman2019]

i know i sound like a pussy, but does anyone else feel like no one really cares about them? I hang out with my friend and he just talk sabout himself and yea, i like talking about football, and girls with him but that's it. and my mum just talks about her self. I feel like no one really cares. I just suffer in silence. and tbh, i've learnt that nno one want sto hear your'e depressed . so i jut keep it to myself ad try get on with it but i get lonely and sad sometimes. other days i feel 100% fine but days like today i just want to cry.

[eod8989]

I think people either have negative or positive energy. Most people have negative energy. I can sense the bipolar, depressed or whatever kind of energy people have. All it takes is being around one person with negative energy to make me feel depressed again. Just sucks man. I feel like a lot of men are just meant to feel alone in this world.

[DizzySmalls]

i know i sound like a pussy, but does anyone else feel like no one really cares about them? I hang out with my friend and he just talk sabout himself and yea, i like talking about football, and girls with him but that's it. and my mum just talks about her self. I feel like no one really cares. I just suffer in silence. and tbh, i've learnt that nno one want sto hear your'e depressed . so i jut keep it to myself ad try get on with it but i get lonely and sad sometimes. other days i feel 100% fine but days like today i just want to cry.

Correct, nobody gives half a fuk.

When no one reaches out to you to ask you how you are doing during this covid 19 time that's how you know no one loves you or cares about you. You are the forgotten being that just exists for no reason.

Boost that GDP boyo.

[alltrapbrah]

i know i sound like a pussy, but does anyone else feel like no one really cares about them? I hang out with my friend and he just talk sabout himself and yea, i like talking about football, and girls with him but that's it. and my mum just talks about her self. I feel like no one really cares. I just suffer in silence. and tbh, i've learnt that nno one want sto hear your'e depressed . so i jut keep it to myself ad try get on with it but i get lonely and sad sometimes. other days i feel 100% fine but days like today i just want to cry.

Pot calling the kettle black...

[imbored21]

just dont know what would make me happy anymore. The only time I am not depressed is when I'm horny which is hardly ever these days. IDK man. I don't ****ing know. Never did tbh.

[eod8989]

If you aren't a top tier male people just use you. All anyone wants is your resources.

[Maxx0131]

just dont know what would make me happy anymore. The only time I am not depressed is when I'm horny which is hardly ever these days. IDK man. I don't ****ing know. Never did tbh.

Go outside brah, go for a run, walk..anything. If you got dumbbells at home do a workout, doing anything will make you feel better than now. Then turn it into a habit, your self esteem will increase and those feelings of inadequacy will slowly deteriorate. Won't be an overnight thing

[mrjolly2323]

If you aren't a top tier male people just use you. All anyone wants is your resources.

Yep, unfortunately true.

[imbored21]

woke up depressed about my oneitis. I miss her so much. Sucks that the only person I was close to didn't give a **** about me and used me. Probably had 6 other guys just like me.

[BumbleRT]

woke up depressed about my oneitis. I miss her so much. Sucks that the only person I was close to didn't give a **** about me and used me. Probably had 6 other guys just like me.

right in the feels man. im in the same boat
cant stop thinking about her

[alltrapbrah]

General question to struggling brahs out there...

How often do you look forward to things?

Speaking personally, i’ve noticed that nowadays I seldom experience that euphoria of ‘looking forward to something’, which is in huge contrast to how I felt as a kid, when every other day or week I was looking forward to something.

[imbored21]

a girl has to be extremely unattractive to have dating problems. a guy can just be a normal guy and have problems. it's lame.

[eod8989]

General question to struggling brahs out there...

How often do you look forward to things?

Speaking personally, i’ve noticed that nowadays I seldom experience that euphoria of ‘looking forward to something’, which is in huge contrast to how I felt as a kid, when every other day or week I was looking forward to something.

Never because there is nothing to do except work all day or do the same things I've already done a thousand times. Nothing is new or exciting anymore. I could drive across the country right now but it's not really interesting because I've done it before. I can just buy whatever I want online. My bilogical needs arent being met either.

[GreatOldOne]

General question to struggling brahs out there...

How often do you look forward to things?

Speaking personally, i’ve noticed that nowadays I seldom experience that euphoria of ‘looking forward to something’, which is in huge contrast to how I felt as a kid, when every other day or week I was looking forward to something.

I've struggled with bipolar depression very hard, being institutionalized a few times, over the last few years.

When depression has set in...it's awful. I couldn't even rise out of bed on some days.

Part of stabilizing, for me, has been adopting a 'one day at a time' outlook. Looking forward to something is important imo...so, it helps to look forward to something today.

Fabricate something to look forward to if you don't have anything. Taking simple pleasures like a kid is a good idea.

Enjoying nature is something I find I can easily look forward to...sunrise and sunset. They're beautiful, and they happen every day so you don't have to wait too long.

[imbored21]

just really ****ing bored of life. DOn't look forward to anything. Only thing that feels good is when attractive women flirt with me. REst of life is ****.

[eod8989]

My test is so high. Have to jerk off like 3-4 times before I feel normal and can relax.

[eod8989]

How do you cope with this boring meaningless life? its destroying my soul every day, all I really care about is having good friends and a girlfriend but its impossible at this age.

Imo man after you get a real job or past late 20s you just become a cog in the system

I work with thousands of people and there are tons of loners my age here.because we got this job but dont know anyone

[eod8989]

Thing is there just isnt anything to talk about. Everything is done online now. I dont enjoy anything except fapping and browsing the internet because it's more interesting than real life

I'm an intellectual so I dont enjoy small talk conversations

Most people are like this too they just do things online and dont talk to strangers