[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

[Smashiin]

Been feeling a bit down lately. I feel guilty for relapsing on pills because I know deep down inside I'm better than that. I gave into temptation and fuked up. Now, have to go to a doctor to get suboxone. They're expensive but to me it's worth it. The difference this time though is I'm going to get clean and stay clean. I've learned my lesson about letting my guard down and having things like that happen to me... It's my fault. I know better now.

I made an appointment with a new psychologist and I think this person will be the right fit for me. He's into spirituality as he has it listed on his "special" or more like alternative ways of therapy. I'm going to be honest and forthcoming with this person and work with him as he will work with me, only if I let him inside my head. It will be hard at first. But, I'll do whatever it takes to be happy and stable and always having a good outlook of life and truly love myself.

Going to start meditating again today. I meditated everyday for a year and I felt so happy And truly liked and loved myself. I got nothing but great benefits out of it. I also believed in myself for once that anything was possible. I want to feel this way again. I'll put in the time and effort to get back to where I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

[eod8989]

I don't think I'm going to walk around anymore at work. I'm so pissed all the time or sad and all of my depression is just oozing out of me. I need some ****ing help, like nobody here even understands that I just work In the basement by myself every day and don't know anyone. Sitting here crying like a little ******* as I type this because I am so mad

[2RDEYE]

i just got called for a job interview. motherfuker wants 3 references from supervisors. how the **** do u do that. the position is only like inventory supply, like a backroom job (assuming).

i think im just gonna cancel the interview. reference bullchit. just getting 1 reference is hard enough in this chit filled world

i don't even know what im doing with my life so i don't think its worth finding a permanent job yet anyways.

[SteadyWayfarer]

Life is such bullchit. Starting to think this all just isn't worth the trouble anymore.

[eod8989]

Life is such bullchit. Starting to think this all just isn't worth the trouble anymore.

What's going on with you man?

[SteadyWayfarer]

What's going on with you man?

Just the same pain issues and brain fog problems everyday. It just sucks dealing with pain 24/7. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to simply live my life, I can't work, socialize, and quite a burden on my folks. It's like im just existing and coping daily and it's been like that for years now. I'm not sure what to do nowadays.

[ultimategentlem]

Life is such bullchit. Starting to think this all just isn't worth the trouble anymore.

life is a living hell from some men been a girl is easy mode

[SteadyWayfarer]

life is a living hell from some men been a girl is easy mode

Really? Don't turn this into dissing women. Some of us have REAL problems. Every second i'm in pain, and I don't think that's changing for me.

[KRANE]

Just the same pain issues and brain fog problems everyday. It just sucks dealing with pain 24/7. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to simply live my life, I can't work, socialize, and quite a burden on my folks. It's like im just existing and coping daily and it's been like that for years now.

Would it help to know that you're not alone? I'm in pain just as your are and I hear that voice telling me to just give up. Nevertheless, I get up everyday and make an effort. To my benefit, I'm further along and close to my goal today than I was yesterday.

I'm not sure what to do nowadays.

Then make a plan. Examine your life past and present and decide where you want to go from here. You can't change the past but everyday is a NEW day to create your better future.

[SteadyWayfarer]

Would it help to know that you're not alone? I'm in pain just as your are and I hear that voice telling me to just give up. Nevertheless, I get up everyday and make an effort. To my benefit, I'm further along and close to my goal today than I was yesterday.Then make a plan. Examine your life past and present and decide where you want to go from here. You can't change the past but everyday is a NEW day to create your better future.

Fair enough. I'm trying and it's hard. I feel like I'll give life one last go, just have to come up with some things to try, and all I can do is try my best I guess. Thanks

[KRANE]

Fair enough. I'm trying and it's hard. I feel like I'll give life one last go, just have to come up with some things to try, and all I can do is try my best I guess. Thanks

Come up with more than one. When I decided I needed to change I had a Plan A, and a Plan B. That's also a good way to mitigate any discouragement should your Plan A not pan out.

Another way to assure success is to determine your aptitude. I took an aptitude test to see what I was good at. Then I chose the top 2 categories from that list of careers that fit my results. Whatever you do don't choose a career solely based on salary.

[ScramFranklin]

Still depressed over failing navy flight school last year. All the other officers going on to do awesome things and I'm not even in the military anymore. I'd do anything to get another shot with the air force but the more I look into it, the more likely it appears that it can't happen if you've already washed out of flight school.

My life is a story of wasted potential. Mediocre gpa, failed flight school, I went to a prestigious military school and I'm working with and making just as much as an engineer who went to ITT Tech. I feel like such a loser. What a waste.

I remember when my gf broke up with me because of distance.. she said, "I don't think you'll make it through flight school". I swore I would.... and I didn't. She was right. **** I hate my life

And because of my 2.9 undergrad, idk if I can get into a good MBA program to make something out of myself. Decent money and status

[CrazySerbian]

College is fkg bull****. Why does it have to be so stressful?

[Meralus]

I'm over absolutely everything right now. I'm coming through the worse six months of my life, compounded by other long-term systemic issues. I have no care or concern anymore. Even at 24 years old I feel done.

In the last six months everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Including:
- Lost my mom to brain cancer, had to spend two weeks straight at the hospital watching her die, seeing all visitors break down at the sight of her and be the strong one in the family after her passing to deal with the estate, funeral, and all that when no one else would. (Mom and I never did have the best relationship, she was quite abusive)
- Had a ton of extended family issues, feuding, arguing, etc. after mom passed away. Went on for quite some time until I decided to go NC but they said some very hurtful ****
- Had three knee surgeries, all because the first of the three surgeries decided not to work and each recovery has been rough - still recovering from the third (major surgery) now
- Due to three knee surgeries I have about $19,000 in medical debt after insurance on top of about $8,000 in other debt expenses
- Had to drop being President of a Fraternity due to all the **** going on in my life
- Had to drop out of college due to all the **** going on in my life
- Car decided to die on me, so I had to fork out money to get a new one
- About to lose my cousin to the same cancer mom has
- Had chance with awesome 9/10 babe that was there for me during all this and I pushed it away and farked it up
- Starting to introvert more and push other friends and stuff away

Hardest thing is, my immediate family (Who I am on good terms with) are 10,000 miles away (I live and study in the USA, they live in Australia) so really for the best part of the last few months I've been battling this on my own with the support of a few close friends.

[SteadyWayfarer]

I'm over absolutely everything right now. I'm coming through the worse six months of my life, compounded by other long-term systemic issues. I have no care or concern anymore. Even at 24 years old I feel done.

In the last six months everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Including:
- Lost my mom to brain cancer, had to spend two weeks straight at the hospital watching her die, seeing all visitors break down at the sight of her and be the strong one in the family after her passing to deal with the estate, funeral, and all that when no one else would. (Mom and I never did have the best relationship, she was quite abusive)
- Had a ton of extended family issues, feuding, arguing, etc. after mom passed away. Went on for quite some time until I decided to go NC but they said some very hurtful ****
- Had three knee surgeries, all because the first of the three surgeries decided not to work and each recovery has been rough - still recovering from the third (major surgery) now
- Due to three knee surgeries I have about $19,000 in medical debt after insurance on top of about $8,000 in other debt expenses
- Had to drop being President of a Fraternity due to all the **** going on in my life
- Had to drop out of college due to all the **** going on in my life
- Car decided to die on me, so I had to fork out money to get a new one
- About to lose my cousin to the same cancer mom has
- Had chance with awesome 9/10 babe that was there for me during all this and I pushed it away and farked it up
- Starting to introvert more and push other friends and stuff away

Hardest thing is, my immediate family (Who I am on good terms with) are 10,000 miles away (I live and study in the USA, they live in Australia) so really for the best part of the last few months I've been battling this on my own with the support of a few close friends.

I am sorry about your losses brah, that's rough. I would just try not to think about the debt for now, as there are options for that, and it's no big rush to pay it off. I think it would help to look into a grief therapist, as I suspect that losing and dealing with family loss on top of the other life struggles is really hard to deal with by yourself. Also it's good that you still have some friends, try not to burn bridges, especially with the ones that care and want to see you get through this rough period of your life. Everyone needs support and someone to open up to. Don't beat yourself up, and stress yourself out. College can wait too, life is not a rush. Are there any family members that you can talk to, and let them know how you are feeling lately?

Just want to let you know that you are strong man, and that's a lot for anyone to deal with in such a short period of time.

[Meralus]

I am sorry about your losses brah, that's rough. I would just try not to think about the debt for now, as there are options for that, and it's no big rush to pay it off. I think it would help to look into a grief therapist, as I suspect that losing and dealing with family loss on top of the other life struggles is really hard to deal with by yourself. Also it's good that you still have some friends, try not to burn bridges, especially with the ones that care and want to see you get through this rough period of your life. Everyone needs support and someone to open up to. Don't beat yourself up, and stress yourself out. College can wait too, life is not a rush. Are there any family members that you can talk to, and let them know how you are feeling lately?

Just want to let you know that you are strong man, and that's a lot for anyone to deal with in such a short period of time.

Thanks, brah. Hearing that, especially the last sentence means a lot to me. The debt is hard to shake off, as the repayments are stupidly high on top of living expenses as well. Really is a hard pill to digest among everything else going on. There's a bit more details overall to what else has gone on, but it's pretty personal and complex. I really am quite a pessimistic right now.

I have been in touch with dad and step-mom quite regularly and they understand how I am feeling and they have been mostly supportive, but they are also very old school and are more of the "Harden up, princess" style thinking. I also am seeing a grief counsellor already! It's been a help, but it's a long process.

[KRANE]

College is fkg bull****. Why does it have to be so stressful?

Because its getting too crowded. There has to be a way to separate the winners from the also-rans.

[eod8989]

Would it help to know that you're not alone? I'm in pain just as your are and I hear that voice telling me to just give up. Nevertheless, I get up everyday and make an effort. To my benefit, I'm further along and close to my goal today than I was yesterday.Then make a plan. Examine your life past and present and decide where you want to go from here. You can't change the past but everyday is a NEW day to create your better future.

I've tried so much over the past 6 years and nothing seems to change. I went on dates, stopped drinking and smoking, have been going to the gym every morning and got a gf and a decent steady job but I still feel empty. It's like fate has it out for me to be miserable. I guess when ppl can see the misery pouring out of you it's too late though. I dont even know why I quit smoking and drinking because it just made my social life 100x worst.

[CrazySerbian]

I can't seem to get more than 5 hours of sleep. I take some NyQuil to fall asleep but I always wake up 5 hours later around 5 AM. Could this be because of anxiety?

Because its getting too crowded. There has to be a way to separate the winners from the also-rans.

Some teachers really like to make sure we don't have any free time for ourselves. The next 3-4 weeks are gonna be absolute hell for me. I have some catching up to do in 2 classes.

[CopeyDan]

in. What happens ITT?

[KRANE]

I can't seem to get more than 5 hours of sleep. I take some NyQuil to fall asleep but I always wake up 5 hours later around 5 AM. Could this be because of anxiety?

Absolutely. I have the same anxiety and wake up ever two hours all night. I have a Rx to help me sleep but ran out and have been too busy to go back to the doctors for more. Wed I'm free but they'll likely be closed for the holiday by then.

Some teachers really like to make sure we don't have any free time for ourselves. The next 3-4 weeks are gonna be absolute hell for me. I have some catching up to do in 2 classes.

Its that way for most, so you won't suffer alone. Just know that if you hunker down it will soon be over, and you can relax for the remainder of the year. You can make it.

[CrazySerbian]

Absolutely. I have the same anxiety and wake up ever two hours all night. I have a Rx to help me sleep but ran out and have been too busy to go back to the doctors for more. Wed I'm free but they'll likely be closed for the holiday by then. Its that way for most, so you won't suffer alone. Just know that if you hunker down it will soon be over, and you can relax for the remainder of the year. You can make it.

You're right. I have been here before and I know what to do. Hard work will pay off. Thanks KRANE.

[Smashiin]

So, I meditated yesterday and I feel a lot better. I'm taking baby steps, one day and one thing at a time. Going to get great benefits out of this because I wholeheartedly believe that it will help me as I want to help myself in every way possible. The difference this time is I'm going to start taking action and work hard to be happy and make something of myself in this world. I want to be going to college a year from now after I get my license and a car along with getting my GED. I have goals now and I feel like I have purpose in my life. I am starting to wake up each day, thankful that I'm alive and still here.

[mattburley7]

I've tried so much over the past 6 years and nothing seems to change. I went on dates, stopped drinking and smoking, have been going to the gym every morning and got a gf and a decent steady job but I still feel empty. It's like fate has it out for me to be miserable. I guess when ppl can see the misery pouring out of you it's too late though. I dont even know why I quit smoking and drinking because it just made my social life 100x worst.

whats wrong with just having a gf? i feel great that way. spend time with her to get things off your mind.

[2RDEYE]

i booked a week flight to japan. it's always been in my head, like one of the things i've always wanted to do before i die, so i think once i get this out of the way, i can dedicate myself to progressing in my life. i've been thinking about doing it for years, i think it may be the reason why i'm not able to commit to anything, like school.

but yeah im sort of like "relieved" after booking my ticket. it's sort of exhilarating.

[ScramFranklin]

Today I had my bio metric screening for work and the nurse told me I'm "moderately depressed". I don't even know where to start to fix this. I feel like my job is good but not great, I'm lonely and miss having a sweet gf, no friends here and the couple of co workers my age are into talking about everyone else, so I'm sure they do the same around me.

[Meralus]

Today I had my bio metric screening for work and the nurse told me I'm "moderately depressed". I don't even know where to start to fix this. I feel like my job is good but not great, I'm lonely and miss having a sweet gf, no friends here and the couple of co workers my age are into talking about everyone else, so I'm sure they do the same around me.

Try seeing a therapist and getting medication, they can help get you on the right path while you work through all of your issues and build yourself back-up. Dealing with depression is never an easy road, and many people do not understand how much it consumes you and eats away at you mentally. Keep your head, brah. You can get through this. Do the things YOU enjoy whether it's gaming, cooking, traveling and what not.

Heck, lately I've just been going for drives at night through the mountains here in Montana as it helps clear my head and you can get some pretty amazing views.

[KRANE]

Try seeing a therapist and getting medication, they can help get you on the right path while you work through all of your issues and build yourself back-up. Dealing with depression is never an easy road, and many people do not understand how much it consumes you and eats away at you mentally. Keep your head, brah. You can get through this. Do the things YOU enjoy whether it's gaming, cooking, traveling and what not.

Heck, lately I've just been going for drives at night through the mountains here in Montana as it helps clear my head and you can get some pretty amazing views.

Yes indeed get therapy, but lets hold off on the meds shall we. At least not until you've tried all non medicated alternatives first. No sense jumping on a dependency unless you absolutely have to.

[DefensiveEnd896]

Been feeling a bit down lately. I feel guilty for relapsing on pills because I know deep down inside I'm better than that. I gave into temptation and fuked up. Now, have to go to a doctor to get suboxone. They're expensive but to me it's worth it. The difference this time though is I'm going to get clean and stay clean. I've learned my lesson about letting my guard down and having things like that happen to me... It's my fault. I know better now.

I made an appointment with a new psychologist and I think this person will be the right fit for me. He's into spirituality as he has it listed on his "special" or more like alternative ways of therapy. I'm going to be honest and forthcoming with this person and work with him as he will work with me, only if I let him inside my head. It will be hard at first. But, I'll do whatever it takes to be happy and stable and always having a good outlook of life and truly love myself.

Going to start meditating again today. I meditated everyday for a year and I felt so happy And truly liked and loved myself. I got nothing but great benefits out of it. I also believed in myself for once that anything was possible. I want to feel this way again. I'll put in the time and effort to get back to where I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I relapsed plenty of times. What made me quit for good was my last relapse. I tweaked when I was on meth. I got basically a couple hours of sleep, maybe 3-hours of sleep max for three days which I can deal with I am pretty strong individual. But combined with the fact I hardly ate or drank anything in three-days and the fact I blew all my money including overdrafting my account. It was just too much. At the end when the drug was wearing off and it finally hit me what I had done I basically went insane for like 30-minutes.

Luckily I was alone in my house otherwise if someone saw me I'm not sure what I would have done to them. I was ready to just kill someone and I completely lost control of what I was doing. I most likely would have went into a psych ward.

After that anytime I get a strong urge to drink or use drugs I think of that moment and remind myself what the risks are. It makes it pretty easy to resist using.

I always tell addicts a tool you can use is anytime you get the urge to use think of your worst moment while you were on the drug. Remember your relapses too. How you felt the day after or when the drug wore off. So try to use that relapse to your advantage. Use it as a reminder that the temporary great feeling you get while on the drug is simply not worth it.

Stay clean man. You can do it.

[veramoda]

Today I had my bio metric screening for work and the nurse told me I'm "moderately depressed". I don't even know where to start to fix this. I feel like my job is good but not great, I'm lonely and miss having a sweet gf, no friends here and the couple of co workers my age are into talking about everyone else, so I'm sure they do the same around me.

You need to go to warm places, where the sun shines and the birds sing