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  1. #7111
    Registered User frankfrank3630's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lugoman View Post
    i don't get how others around me are so content with what they do?

    This work is soul destroying.
    My best answer is that many people will approach their job with a "stoic and clinical" approach. "The work is boring and no fun, but I have to do it, so I might as well deal" so that I'll have money for rent and for things I want to eat and things I want to do. I work out of my own home office now, with my own job, and I have to take that approach for the parts of the job I dislike.

    There is no guarantee this will work for everybody.

    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    My coworkers...A lot of people smoke.
    Smoking in the WORKPLACE...in Missouri??? Interesting, I thought just about everywhere had banned smoking at the workplace years, if not decades, ago.
    "Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking" - Ray Bolger (The Scarecrow), THE WIZARD OF OZ, 1939.

    Build, for a man, a fire - and he'll be warm for a little while. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

    :-) (-:
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  2. #7112
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by frankfrank3630 View Post
    My best answer is that many people will approach their job with a "stoic and clinical" approach. "The work is boring and no fun, but I have to do it, so I might as well deal" so that I'll have money for rent and for things I want to eat and things I want to do. I work out of my own home office now, with my own job, and I have to take that approach for the parts of the job I dislike.

    There is no guarantee this will work for everybody.

    Smoking in the WORKPLACE...in Missouri??? Interesting, I thought just about everywhere had banned smoking at the workplace years, if not decades, ago.
    They smoke outside but it's like a ton of ppl smoke. Everyone my age down in my area does.
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  3. #7113
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    My hairline is done bros

    Just gonna shave it off

    Not that I care about it anymore but depression just ruins you
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  4. #7114
    Registered User BigTimePlayer's Avatar
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    Haven’t posted on here in awhile since I don’t come on here much anymore but nothing has really changed much for me. Still going through the fluctuation of moods everyday. I’m still at the same job yet but won’t be working for another few weeks due to what’s going on in the world right now. They said they’ll pay me at least for a few weeks though. I was going to take some chances to try to make more money though soon. I just really stopped feeling sorry for myself & don’t really think about dating or any of that other **** I used to complain about constantly on here. I cringe at some of the stuff I’ve posted on here over the years & wonder why I wasted so much time doing that ****. I definitely was way worse mentally at the time though. At this point I rather just focus on myself with things & try to take it one day at a time & see what happens. Hope everyone here is doing okay.
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  5. #7115
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    I wish i knew how to change. But my dopamine receptors are fried and i have become too selfish. I just feel a major lack of purpose now days and i've lost interest in everything.
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  6. #7116
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Anyone here feel like the human body wasnt meant to live past 30? My mind and body are breaking down.
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  7. #7117
    Registered User Claude33's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    Anyone here feel like the human body wasnt meant to live past 30? My mind and body are breaking down.
    I cant even concentrate properly anymore. Its like I am just along for the ride, I am not the person I was at 20.
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  8. #7118
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Claude33 View Post
    I cant even concentrate properly anymore. Its like I am just along for the ride, I am not the person I was at 20.
    Yeah I cant concentrate at all I just fap to 4k porn and blare metal music all day. No attention span whatsoever
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  9. #7119
    Registered User 5tfihsmgidarap's Avatar
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    Getting depressed because of school and life no longer because of woman but because i hate the field ive chosen and i wish i joined the military and didnt lie to myself and pretend to be someone im not 4 years ago. Now im 24 with 2.5 years left in a CS degree and its just getting harder and harder and im getting less and less motivated and i ****ing hate it. Hate my professors hate the degree path hate where im at in life.
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  10. #7120
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    My depression is bad. I basically cant do anything anymore. I'm going to lose my job. Idk how people cope without intimacy or friends. Babies literally die if they dont get attention.
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  11. #7121
    Registered User Claude33's Avatar
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    Do you ever fell like you are cursed? Like you are just meant to be miserable and alone no matter what you try.
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  12. #7122
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Claude33 View Post
    Do you ever fell like you are cursed? Like you are just meant to be miserable and alone no matter what you try.
    Yeah nothing ever happens. Same thing every day. Yet I see things just fall Into place for others. I've never been happy. Just existing.
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  13. #7123
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    When you have high iq you're just going to get mental health issues eventually. Like depression or bipolar. Its inevitable. It's due to how you perceive the world and extremely high levels of awareness

    Ignorance is bliss
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  14. #7124
    Registered User Claude33's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    Yeah nothing ever happens. Same thing every day. Yet I see things just fall Into place for others. I've never been happy. Just existing.
    Its fukin sad dude. All I see is people being social like its nothing and getting hot girls while I can only dream about that. Things always go wrong for me in some way.

    Yeah, I am definitely an intellectual maybe thats part of the problem. I just see things the way they really are and am also an idealist. I cant be a hypocrite like others.
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  15. #7125
    Registered User brahskimoseph's Avatar
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    Fuk man. Idk if anyone understands gambling addiction, but I just cant stop. Ill stop for 2/3 months and then just dump all my money into super high risk plays and blow it all. I honesty cant see anyone of stopping this other than blowing out my brains(not suicidal, just a realization).

    A big part of it is because I was formerly pretty well off due to hard work and saving, was probably in the top 10% of 24 year olds for networth, but got caught up chasing the joneses. Blew about 100,000$ in the last 8 months or so, flat broke AGAIN.

    And im sure in another month or two when J have a couple grand ill start again, and repeat the process for infinity.

    The really fuked part about it all is I actually advise people financially, and they are all making bank. I just dont follow my advice. Like a streetwise crackhead. Smh


    Edit: For a gambler, the worst thing in the world is hope.
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  16. #7126
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Claude33 View Post
    Its fukin sad dude. All I see is people being social like its nothing and getting hot girls while I can only dream about that. Things always go wrong for me in some way.

    Yeah, I am definitely an intellectual maybe thats part of the problem. I just see things the way they really are and am also an idealist. I cant be a hypocrite like others.
    Most people can meet people and socialize because they are on some kind of soma. They talk about it in the book brave new world. I'm assuming you dont drink or smoke or arent on any meds etc? Its hard to meet people if you are sober bro
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  17. #7127
    it's also a verb... BOZZ's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by brahskimoseph View Post
    Fuk man. Idk if anyone understands gambling addiction, but I just cant stop. Ill stop for 2/3 months and then just dump all my money into super high risk plays and blow it all. I honesty cant see anyone of stopping this other than blowing out my brains(not suicidal, just a realization).

    A big part of it is because I was formerly pretty well off due to hard work and saving, was probably in the top 10% of 24 year olds for networth, but got caught up chasing the joneses. Blew about 100,000$ in the last 8 months or so, flat broke AGAIN.

    And im sure in another month or two when J have a couple grand ill start again, and repeat the process for infinity.

    The really fuked part about it all is I actually advise people financially, and they are all making bank. I just dont follow my advice. Like a streetwise crackhead. Smh


    Edit: For a gambler, the worst thing in the world is hope.
    Casino gambling or online?
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  18. #7128
    Registered User Claude33's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    Most people can meet people and socialize because they are on some kind of soma. They talk about it in the book brave new world. I'm assuming you dont drink or smoke or arent on any meds etc? Its hard to meet people if you are sober bro
    Yeah, I never drink or smoke, never tried any drugs. I just cant connect with people because they dont have my interests. The last time I was social was in primary school(late 90s-2001) but it was a completely different time back then.
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  19. #7129
    Registered User brahskimoseph's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BOZZ View Post
    Casino gambling or online?
    Options/stock trading. Been addicted ever since I won 13k in an hour, aint ever been right since. Im a weird guy man, I dont drink, but when I do I drink super hard. I dont work much, but when I do, I go 150% pedal to the metal, same with lifting, same with women. I have two speeds: a slow shuffle or an all out sprint.

    Myself from a year ago would be cringing so fukin hard. Ive put on 40 lbs, stopped any real training/going out/dating ect, become dumber from just being caught up in the suspense of weekly option trades, and just generally losing my mind.
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  20. #7130
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Claude33 View Post
    Yeah, I never drink or smoke, never tried any drugs. I just cant connect with people because they dont have my interests. The last time I was social was in primary school(late 90s-2001) but it was a completely different time back then.
    Same dude. No connection at all with other people.
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  21. #7131
    Registered User brahskimoseph's Avatar
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    Figuring out that im just an adrenaline junkie.

    Explains why i always procrastinate, like fighting/olympic lifting/sprinting, running from police, raw dogging sloots, amongst other high risk activities. Gambling is just another method of jackkng up my adrenaline, except it goes on for weeks at a time. Not healthy at all.
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  22. #7132
    Registered User brahskimoseph's Avatar
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    Now im at the “Im really glad I dont have any bullets” phase where I know I lost(still locked in a trade), but theres still a glimmer of hope, which keeps me going. Soon, Ill have a networth of 0 again, be tempted to take out a loan at an absurd rate, decide against it, save up for 3 or 4 months, and do it all again chasing what Ive lost. Its been nearly a year of this. I dont know what the fuk to do, Ive been to GA, Ive done acid to try and reset myself, cardio, reading, boxing, working more, nothing fukin works. What THE ****. I want to ****ing explode. I know the probabilities, I know what Im doing is idiotic, I know I cant afford to do it, I know its killing me, I know my family and friends are incredibly dissapointed and some have broken off ties with me, I know Im nowhere even close to where I should be in life. ****. I just ran hill sprints and boxed and lifted and IM still running at full speed and Im still thinking and calculating probabilities at 1000%, and I only slept 3 hours last night and 5 the night before.

    Ive never been an addict prior to gambling. Honestly, I think Im going to to take out a loan, sell my car, max out all my credit cards and put it all on some high risk play, and if it doesnt work, Ill just kill myself. Get this chit over with already.

    Edit: 100 thousand dollars. I have squandered away over 100 thousand fukin dollars in less than a year. What the fuk
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    ^ what is the compulsion behind it? The feeling of anticipation and wanting to keep getting that high or is it genuinely the desire for the money at stake? What would you do if you were up 150k instead?
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    Originally Posted by brahskimoseph View Post
    Options/stock trading. Been addicted ever since I won 13k in an hour, aint ever been right since.
    Of course. Practically every story of life-destroying gambling addiction starts with a big win; winning is the worst thing that can happen to a gambler. At least with casino gambling you can more clearly calculate probability and recognise that its a losers game. I imagine options/stock trading really distorts your perceptions of winnability, making it easier for you to rationalise your demons back into manifest reality.

    When you have kicked the habit before were you able to distance yourself from that scene altogether? or does your work make it hard for you to avoid watching the market?
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    Originally Posted by DizzySmalls View Post
    ^ what is the compulsion behind it? The feeling of anticipation and wanting to keep getting that high or is it genuinely the desire for the money at stake? What would you do if you were up 150k instead?
    I would cut it if I was up 150k and go right into scalping natural gas.

    For me I realize as much as I hate the anxiety and stress, I really love it. It makes you think quicker, gives you a huge surge of energy. Idk if youve ever experienced seeing your entire lifes saving drop to 1% of its previous worth on monday, and then on friday, the last day of expiration on the option, it rockets back up 100%. Even just typing that out makes the jittery,intense exhilarating feeling come back. oh yeah, and then I got greedy and that same 30k I “won” back, went all down the drain in 30 minutes.

    Another part of it is so many of my friends are rich. Not well off, I mean rich. Two in the NFL, one bitcoin millionaire, another made countless thousands off gold, family inheritances. And then theres me, Mr. Go Getter, who paid his way thru college, who busted his ass, who always preached safe and logical investments, who is flat fukin broke. I hate not being chit man, I really fukin do. Ive always, always, always come so close to winning, whether it be the state championship, getting into a Ivy League, the girl of my dreams ect, but I never quite make it.
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    Originally Posted by brahskimoseph View Post
    I would cut it if I was up 150k and go right into scalping natural gas.

    For me I realize as much as I hate the anxiety and stress, I really love it. It makes you think quicker, gives you a huge surge of energy. Idk if youve ever experienced seeing your entire lifes saving drop to 1% of its previous worth on monday, and then on friday, the last day of expiration on the option, it rockets back up 100%. Even just typing that out makes the jittery,intense exhilarating feeling come back. oh yeah, and then I got greedy and that same 30k I “won” back, went all down the drain in 30 minutes.

    Another part of it is so many of my friends are rich. Not well off, I mean rich. Two in the NFL, one bitcoin millionaire, another made countless thousands off gold, family inheritances. And then theres me, Mr. Go Getter, who paid his way thru college, who busted his ass, who always preached safe and logical investments, who is flat fukin broke. I hate not being chit man, I really fukin do. Ive always, always, always come so close to winning, whether it be the state championship, getting into a Ivy League, the girl of my dreams ect, but I never quite make it.
    It sounds almost like you want to validate yourself vs. your peers' achievements more than you actually want to get that money and spend it. I can empathize with that.
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    Originally Posted by Benchcurls View Post
    Of course. Practically every story of life-destroying gambling addiction starts with a big win; winning is the worst thing that can happen to a gambler. At least with casino gambling you can more clearly calculate probability and recognise that its a losers game. I imagine options/stock trading really distorts your perceptions of winnability, making it easier for you to rationalise your demons back into manifest reality.

    When you have kicked the habit before were you able to distance yourself from that scene altogether? or does your work make it hard for you to avoid watching the market?
    Ive deleted my accounts before, or purposely pattern day traded myself to stop, disabled options trading, ect but like clockwork I get depressed and anxious with where im at in life and decide its worth throwing it all out the window for a shot at the big time.

    I have friends who obviously trade and talk about it all the time, which doesnt help, but Ive kinda of given up at this point.

    This suicidal feeing will pass in 3 months or so, Ill get bored, see options/make mock options play that go up 1000-4000%, and do it all over again. Every time I say Ill scale in, adjust, hedge with straddles, or just stick to scalping where Ive had great sucess, but I never, ever do. Thats the fuked part, cuz for about 7 months I was really sucessful at scalping natural gas, but then a buddy told me I was an idiot for not doing options, how he turned 400 into 4000, how my little .25-.5% gains were nothing, a I gave it a shot. Sure enough I win big. The rest is history.
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    Originally Posted by DizzySmalls View Post
    It sounds almost like you want to validate yourself vs. your peers' achievements more than you actually want to get that money and spend it. I can empathize with that.
    Some what. I mean tbh I love lifting because I know im stronger than almost everyone in the gym. i am arrogant as fuk brah, make no mistake just one look at my posting history can tell you that.

    But I also want financial independence, to own my home outright, to make my own living. That was the original goal, and it has become so twisted and far away now.

    Edit: Man, even just looking in the mirror at my eyes, there isnt anything there. Nothing, no thoughts, no feelings, just a fukin robot whos sole purpose is to self-immolate anything of value he posseses
    Last edited by brahskimoseph; 03-25-2020 at 07:10 PM.
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    Had a bit of a food binge for the first time in ~8-9 months today. Felt absolutely terrible, can't believe the grip it had on me for years on end.
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    I just got called and learned someone I didn't really know that well died. Probably suicide. I am introverted, not emotionless, but I don't really show that stuff. I have known lots of people throughout my time in the military that are dead now. Some of them on the job, some of them suicides. She called me for advice. I have none.
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