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  1. #1501
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Anybody else not feel alive?

    Hell i almost forgot the superbowl was on because i'm so disconnected from everything
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  2. #1502
    High Test Miscer bongowongo's Avatar
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    Gonna apply to a what appears to be an entry level job into Insurance, sales post. Honestly no clue if I'm gonna enjoy the work / be good at it .. Let alone get hired in the first place. Fingers crossed. Applied to another another place as well, but I feel like the insurance route might be a bit more beneficial.

    Not really excited about both prospects either, wish I knew what I really enjoy to do.
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  3. #1503
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    Originally Posted by bongowongo View Post
    Gonna apply to a what appears to be an entry level job into Insurance, sales post. Honestly no clue if I'm gonna enjoy the work / be good at it .. Let alone get hired in the first place. Fingers crossed. Applied to another another place as well, but I feel like the insurance route might be a bit more beneficial.

    Not really excited about both prospects either, wish I knew what I really enjoy to do.
    Good luck.
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  4. #1504
    Sweet Prince of Paupers salamisalem's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bongowongo View Post
    Gonna apply to a what appears to be an entry level job into Insurance, sales post. Honestly no clue if I'm gonna enjoy the work / be good at it .. Let alone get hired in the first place. Fingers crossed. Applied to another another place as well, but I feel like the insurance route might be a bit more beneficial.

    Not really excited about both prospects either, wish I knew what I really enjoy to do.
    Would rep again if I could for taking steps forward
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    just decide on what you ACTUALLY want and then make it happen. thats it. ignore the rest and put in the work and one day you'll find your happy - vampirelol

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  5. #1505
    Unregistered User 2RDEYE's Avatar
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    spent $20 on lotto tickets, think im gonna do it weekly. never in my life will i ever make enough to move out or have my own apartment in this ****ed up part of the world. 1 bedroom 400 sqfeet apartments start at 450k+. im gonna be living in the same room until i die. ****in bull**** this world seriously, rich get richer and poor and poorer. if a poor person starts now and works his way up economic and real estate prices will have gone up by the he has a decent job
    Last edited by 2RDEYE; 02-05-2018 at 09:43 AM.
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  6. #1506
    Sweet Prince of Paupers salamisalem's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2RDEYE View Post
    spent $20 on lotto tickets, think im gonna do it weekly. never in my life will i ever make enough to move out or have my own apartment in this ****ed up part of the world. 1 bedroom 400 sqfeet apartments start at 450k+. im gonna be living in the same room until i die. ****in bull**** this world seriously, rich get richer and poor and poorer. if a poor person starts now and works his way up economic and real estate prices will have gone up by the he has a decent job
    material things are whatever man. experiences mean more
    We're all gonna make it crew

    just decide on what you ACTUALLY want and then make it happen. thats it. ignore the rest and put in the work and one day you'll find your happy - vampirelol

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  7. #1507
    Unregistered User 2RDEYE's Avatar
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    has anyone here ever been checked for brain tumors or cysts, or nerve damage in the head?

    i've been feeling really off lately, i don't think its a migraine. like i just came back from the gym and almost got hit by a car, my world is literally going like 20 frames per second. like my sense of time and motion is so messed up, i didn't even notice it was raining, like i feel dizzy, lightheaded, but its messed up like my time is distorted.

    i feel like maybe one of my blood vessels is broken like my brain and eyes are not getting enough oxygen

    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post
    material things are whatever man. experiences mean more
    i can't experience anything without money though, i can't move out, i can't go to school. im down 4k from my trip to japan and another 1k for my christmas gifts to my siblings lol **** my life i don't regret it though but its hard to make money when your me
    Last edited by 2RDEYE; 02-05-2018 at 12:26 PM.
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  8. #1508
    High Test Miscer bongowongo's Avatar
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    I'm changing gyms again.

    Last month I switched from my regular to a more hardcore gym. This time going to a place that's well known for being a place where people ust go to socialise lol, where its mostly full of cardio-bunnies and young people basically who go there to be "seen" nomsayin.... I figure I may meet some cool people there.

    When I went in there the atmosphere was nice, the people who work there seem really friendly and nice, but wow ... The gym itself is pretty bad, if only for the sole reason that they have no fukkin squat rack / power cage. They just have a smith machine ......Have any of you guys ever used the smith machine? I mean I guess I can change my exercises around, but not being able to do squats and OHP is a huge step back ..... I am cutting atm, so I think I can play around with my routine a little bit.
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  9. #1509
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    My neck hurts too much to even socialize most of the time. The few times it doesn't hurt that bad i'm always depressed or angry because of work or something. Literally can't enjoy one second of my life.
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  10. #1510
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    I've given up. Nobody talks anymore and people don't seem to be connected to each other anymore. I really don't understand this. 5-7 years ago if people were in the same area a lot they talked to others. Nobody gives a **** about anyone but themselves anymore. Or they just don't need anymore friends.
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  11. #1511
    Unregistered User 2RDEYE's Avatar
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    doctor prescribed me prochlorperazine for dizziness. i look up what its mainly used for "anti-psychotic" "schizophrenia" lol i feel like i was diagnosed wrong even though i am probably psychotic and schizo

    god im so lost in life again. idk what i should do. i already lost the will to do this math bull****... it's just too much for me. maybe if i was like 18 again, i'd have the will and the patience. i want to quit my job and focus on education but i feel so guilty because my family is dirt ****ing poor and my dad guilt trips me all the time. its easy for rich people because they don't have to care about their family, they're already well off, they can focus on themselves. but poor families, its hard as ****
    Last edited by 2RDEYE; 02-05-2018 at 04:59 PM.
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  12. #1512
    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    I've given up. Nobody talks anymore and people don't seem to be connected to each other anymore. I really don't understand this. 5-7 years ago if people were in the same area a lot they talked to others. Nobody gives a **** about anyone but themselves anymore. Or they just don't need anymore friends.
    If you've given up there's nothing anybody here can say or do for you. Chapters closed.
    Originally Posted by 2RDEYE View Post
    doctor prescribed me prochlorperazine for dizziness. i look up what its mainly used for "anti-psychotic" "schizophrenia" lol i feel like i was diagnosed wrong even though i am probably psychotic and schizo

    god im so lost in life again. idk what i should do. i already lost the will to do this math bull****... it's just too much for me. maybe if i was like 18 again, i'd have the will and the patience. i want to quit my job and focus on education but i feel so guilty because my family is dirt ****ing poor and my dad guilt trips me all the time. its easy for rich people because they don't have to care about their family, they're already well off, they can focus on themselves. but poor families, its hard as ****
    Don't stop believing! You're making excuses to quit rather than coming up with solutions to succeed. Once you start down that road it becomes easier and easier to make it a way of life. Next thing you know, your whole life has been a series of failures.

    Fact is, you can learn at any age, so that's not an excuse. I thought I was too old too, but I learned that wasn't close to being true.

    Yes, I had doubts..many times. When I did it I had one teacher and one counselor to go to. That was it. They taught me that quitting wasn't an option. They didn't give up on me, so I didn't give up on myself. I talked myself out of this most of my life, but not this time.

    When I decided to move forward with my education, I had to decide to give it 100%. Everything else in my life could wait. I know it sounds cliche, but that's what it finally took for me to complete what I stated.

    Funny story, its was those confounded ITT Tech commercial that did it for me. They made fun of people sitting on the couch all day feeling sorry for themselves (which is what I was doing at the time). I kept seeing them over and over again until it finally got to me. I didn't go to ITT Tech, but I did finish college.

    To bad I don't have an individual to thank for that, sadly they went out of business. But for what its worth, thank you ITT Tech. You convinced me that I wasn't helpless, and that I needed to get up and do something if I wanted my life to change.
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  13. #1513
    High Test Miscer bongowongo's Avatar
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    Dont know why I still feel like chit.


    I've been smoking the green herb every night for the past week with my cousin and we play ps4 (always regularly do this) + I'm on a cutting diet .... Wonder if thats why my mood is so low past couple days. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep every night.

    Even just been holding back tears past couple days because I keep tearing up constantly, even when I'm out and about.
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    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bongowongo View Post
    Dont know why I still feel like chit.


    I've been smoking the green herb every night for the past week with my cousin and we play ps4 (always regularly do this)
    Whatever you're doing isn't working. Time to take a break and catch your breath so you can face the world again. When things are going right, your body can make its own endorphins. No exogenous materials needed.
    + I'm on a cutting diet .... Wonder if thats why my mood is so low past couple days. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep every night.

    Even just been holding back tears past couple days because I keep tearing up constantly, even when I'm out and about.
    Diet can affect your mood big time.
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  15. #1515
    Registered User DefensiveEnd896's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bongowongo View Post
    Dont know why I still feel like chit.


    I've been smoking the green herb every night for the past week with my cousin and we play ps4 (always regularly do this) + I'm on a cutting diet .... Wonder if thats why my mood is so low past couple days. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep every night.

    Even just been holding back tears past couple days because I keep tearing up constantly, even when I'm out and about.
    Careful you don't want to develop a bad habit. There is nothing wrong with smoking weed and playing the ps4 on the weekend but you don't want to do that every day.

    Spend your time wisely. Try and do something more productive. You don't want to look back on your life and think how you smoked weed and played the ps4 for most of it.
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  16. #1516
    Sweet Prince of Paupers salamisalem's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bongowongo View Post
    Dont know why I still feel like chit.


    I've been smoking the green herb every night for the past week with my cousin and we play ps4 (always regularly do this) + I'm on a cutting diet .... Wonder if thats why my mood is so low past couple days. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep every night.

    Even just been holding back tears past couple days because I keep tearing up constantly, even when I'm out and about.
    i totally understand man. This happens to me too (getting real emotional/feeling like tearing up). But it's probably a good thing because at least your not numb and facing the realities. Cutting is so dam hard. I'd say make a deadline for your self and just stop cutting after that point. Makes it easier to physically cross off days on a calendar to see the end of your cut. Also probably reduce your smoking. I've been doing the same with drinking and it actually helps for some reason b/c then I start to make sense of things instead of running from them.



    Update on me, I've been coming to terms with things lately, and trying to make moves on fixing my life. Still conflicted on one really large issue- i don't know if it's anxiety or what, but I'm so scared of becoming certain people. E.g. if I'm lifting too much i'm scared of becoming just an angry meathead. If i'm doing engineering i'm scared of becoming some weird stereotyped loser asian engineer. It's like a palpable, paralyzing fear that keeps me from doing my best in a of areas, including advancing intimately with girls sometimes. Can someone explain to me how I can divorce the idea that I am these people I hate? What makes me different from them if I do the same activities as them? Can't shake that fear
    We're all gonna make it crew

    just decide on what you ACTUALLY want and then make it happen. thats it. ignore the rest and put in the work and one day you'll find your happy - vampirelol

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  17. #1517
    Registered User DefensiveEnd896's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post
    i totally understand man. This happens to me too (getting real emotional/feeling like tearing up). But it's probably a good thing because at least your not numb and facing the realities. Cutting is so dam hard. I'd say make a deadline for your self and just stop cutting after that point. Makes it easier to physically cross off days on a calendar to see the end of your cut. Also probably reduce your smoking. I've been doing the same with drinking and it actually helps for some reason b/c then I start to make sense of things instead of running from them.



    Update on me, I've been coming to terms with things lately, and trying to make moves on fixing my life. Still conflicted on one really large issue- i don't know if it's anxiety or what, but I'm so scared of becoming certain people. E.g. if I'm lifting too much i'm scared of becoming just an angry meathead. If i'm doing engineering i'm scared of becoming some weird stereotyped loser asian engineer. It's like a palpable, paralyzing fear that keeps me from doing my best in a of areas, including advancing intimately with girls sometimes. Can someone explain to me how I can divorce the idea that I am these people I hate? What makes me different from them if I do the same activities as them? Can't shake that fear
    Stop caring so much what people think about you. You are who you are. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for someone I'm not. If you enjoy lifting do it, if you enjoy engineering do it, etc.. If you live your life constantly worrying what others are thinking you are going to end up living a lie. I don't think anyone wants to live that like.
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    Originally Posted by DefensiveEnd896 View Post
    Stop caring so much what people think about you. You are who you are. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for someone I'm not. If you enjoy lifting do it, if you enjoy engineering do it, etc.. If you live your life constantly worrying what others are thinking you are going to end up living a lie. I don't think anyone wants to live that like.
    That's interesting. I always felt like I was just scared to become something I hate. But you think it's me caring what others think about me?

    Edit: re-read and thought about your post and I get it. I actually get it, and agree. You and Krane are such MVPs man. will rep off r/c.
    Last edited by salamisalem; 02-06-2018 at 03:05 PM.
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    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post
    That's interesting. I always felt like I was just scared to become something I hate. But you think it's me caring what others think about me?

    Edit: re-read and thought about your post and I get it. I actually get it, and agree. You and Krane are such MVPs man. will rep off r/c.
    Thanks and sorry I didn't see the edit when I first replied.. Regardless, I will leave my response here in case you want to think about it some more. Hope I have helped.

    You know you are not an angry meathead. Lifting doesn't make anyone become that. Lifting gives people bigger muscles, helps with confidence, etc. It doesn't make people dumb or angry. those are personality traits that were not created because of lifting weights. I don't think anyone really becomes a nerd by studying engineering either. Studying engineering makes someone become an engineer. That's it.

    So IMO you are worried what others are going to think if you do these things. I was the same way. Stop worrying and just be yourself. Most people only care about themselves anyway.

    Self-confidence is the key here. As long as you have self-confidence you'll do what you want and not care much what others think. People love that and are attracted to that. So have confidence in yourself. Always be yourself and live your life doing what makes YOU happy.
    Last edited by DefensiveEnd896; 02-06-2018 at 04:42 PM.
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    Originally Posted by 2RDEYE View Post
    spent $20 on lotto tickets, think im gonna do it weekly. never in my life will i ever make enough to move out or have my own apartment in this ****ed up part of the world. 1 bedroom 400 sqfeet apartments start at 450k+. im gonna be living in the same room until i die. ****in bull**** this world seriously, rich get richer and poor and poorer. if a poor person starts now and works his way up economic and real estate prices will have gone up by the he has a decent job
    Why not try trading penny stocks? Youre still gambling but at least you can make educated guesses. 80$/month > buy a stock that's sub-penny and potentially scalp it for 120$+ and just reinvest.
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    Originally Posted by KRANE View Post
    Whatever you're doing isn't working. Time to take a break and catch your breath so you can face the world again. When things are going right, your body can make its own endorphins. No exogenous materials needed.Diet can affect your mood big time.
    Originally Posted by DefensiveEnd896 View Post
    Careful you don't want to develop a bad habit. There is nothing wrong with smoking weed and playing the ps4 on the weekend but you don't want to do that every day.

    Spend your time wisely. Try and do something more productive. You don't want to look back on your life and think how you smoked weed and played the ps4 for most of it.
    I hear you guys, although on my defense, we just only have a J or two at night while playing games and I'm not the type to be high all day haha. Should probably take it easy on the tokes though.



    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post
    i totally understand man. This happens to me too (getting real emotional/feeling like tearing up). But it's probably a good thing because at least your not numb and facing the realities. Cutting is so dam hard. I'd say make a deadline for your self and just stop cutting after that point. Makes it easier to physically cross off days on a calendar to see the end of your cut. Also probably reduce your smoking. I've been doing the same with drinking and it actually helps for some reason b/c then I start to make sense of things instead of running from them.

    Update on me, I've been coming to terms with things lately, and trying to make moves on fixing my life. Still conflicted on one really large issue- i don't know if it's anxiety or what, but I'm so scared of becoming certain people. E.g. if I'm lifting too much i'm scared of becoming just an angry meathead. If i'm doing engineering i'm scared of becoming some weird stereotyped loser asian engineer. It's like a palpable, paralyzing fear that keeps me from doing my best in a of areas, including advancing intimately with girls sometimes. Can someone explain to me how I can divorce the idea that I am these people I hate? What makes me different from them if I do the same activities as them? Can't shake that fear


    Yeah, cutting sucks ass... But I've been cutting for the past year or so lol. I'm never consistent with my diet, so this cut has been dragging on and on for the longest time. I'm not putting a cut-off date for it because I know I'll never be able to reach it.At least I'm halfway there though, need to drop some more bf% and I should be ready for bulking.


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    My brother left our house a week ago and he went into rehab yesterday. He's not coming back after he gets out. He's apparently going straight to a half way house after rehab and rebuild his life.

    I never have to see him or speak to him again. After so many years of suffering and pain and mental anguish, I can finally start healing and fixing myself like I have already started to do. It's time to start living my life and be happy and successful. I have so little to lose and yet so much to gain.
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    i changed my lightbulbs and holy chit it makes a a difference i think, i feel like i was using fluorescent before
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    Originally Posted by Smashiin View Post
    My brother left our house a week ago and he went into rehab yesterday. He's not coming back after he gets out. He's apparently going straight to a half way house after rehab and rebuild his life.

    I never have to see him or speak to him again. After so many years of suffering and pain and mental anguish, I can finally start healing and fixing myself like I have already started to do. It's time to start living my life and be happy and successful. I have so little to lose and yet so much to gain.
    I hope your brother stays clean. Getting clean is pretty easy with rehab hard part is staying clean but at least he is trying. Time will tell if he is able to rebuild his life but it can be done.

    I don't talk to my brother either so if you decide to go that route I understand completely but if you can I would try to rebuild the relationship. It always nice to have family that has your back and I'm sure he needs support more than ever right now.
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    I think i legit have autism or my neck injury really just makes me go full retard when i'm out in public. I feel very uncomfortable around people and when i get anxiety my neck starts tensing up and i can't focus on anything. My reflexes are ****ed up. I don't feel connected to this world at all, like everywhere i go i just get anxiety and feel weird because i'm always alone.
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    I feel weird, had some good things happen in recent days such as;

    - Managed to modify my medication and this new dose is starting to really help and have a better effect on me
    - Managed to contest my bill with the hospital (after 3 surgeries) about the $9,000 I owe them and they wiped it out $0 (Amazing news)
    - Starting to talk to people again and be a bit more social.

    But I still feel so numb and disconnected from people and I feel like I'm just getting by day-by-day in auto-pilot almost. It's a strange feeling.
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    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Meralus View Post
    I feel weird, had some good things happen in recent days such as;

    - Managed to modify my medication and this new dose is starting to really help and have a better effect on me
    - Managed to contest my bill with the hospital (after 3 surgeries) about the $9,000 I owe them and they wiped it out $0 (Amazing news)
    - Starting to talk to people again and be a bit more social.

    But I still feel so numb and disconnected from people and I feel like I'm just getting by day-by-day in auto-pilot almost. It's a strange feeling.
    Man that is amazing. I would go out so fast and celebrate. That's my issues, when something good does happen, I have no one here to share my good fortune with.

    That reminds me, I need to pay my bills. I'll get to it by the weekend.
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    Originally Posted by DefensiveEnd896 View Post
    I hope your brother stays clean. Getting clean is pretty easy with rehab hard part is staying clean but at least he is trying. Time will tell if he is able to rebuild his life but it can be done.

    I don't talk to my brother either so if you decide to go that route I understand completely but if you can I would try to rebuild the relationship. It always nice to have family that has your back and I'm sure he needs support more than ever right now.
    The damage is done. Their is no going back to what use to be. I feel like my brother died 15 years ago and I have my reasons as to why I feel that way. Ive tried being a brother to him and be there for him. But, he fuks it all up every time I start getting close to him. Idk why this happens. I basically gave up on him and decided to focus on myself instead of worrying about him since he could give 2 chits about me and my mother and my grandmother. It's not about the water being under the bridge... theirs too much water over the bridge. Which means I'm done with him.
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    Originally Posted by KRANE View Post
    Man that is amazing. I would go out so fast and celebrate. That's my issues, when something good does happen, I have no one here to share my good fortune with.

    That reminds me, I need to pay my bills. I'll get to it by the weekend.
    Thanks, brah. I would have gone out and had a drink, but I can't drink at the moment while I ween in this new medication - best not risk doctors orders. But I did already talk to my family and friends about it and how much of a relief it is. The financial stress was probably one of my biggest issues troubling me of late.

    It's just a strange feeling among everything, coming back out of this state and slowly feeling like yourself and such. I'm alway here brah if you need someone to message and talk about your good fortunes!
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    Originally Posted by Meralus View Post
    Thanks, brah. I would have gone out and had a drink, but I can't drink at the moment while I ween in this new medication - best not risk doctors orders. But I did already talk to my family and friends about it and how much of a relief it is. The financial stress was probably one of my biggest issues troubling me of late.
    Well I don't drink. So I can celebrate just by having a nice evening out. I'll even invite a friend (not really friends) and pick up the tab.

    It's just a strange feeling among everything, coming back out of this state and slowly feeling like yourself and such. I'm alway here brah if you need someone to message and talk about your good fortunes!
    Good to know.
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