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  1. #1291
    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Fang2 View Post
    It doesn't matter how old you are man, as long as you want to get a good education. Never quit school, and don't hurt yourself. srs... there are people who love you. Your family, friends, etc. What are you studying and can't you take online classes?
    This, cause you'll be that old anyway.
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  2. #1292
    Gene's got my back (srs) psai's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by 2RDEYE View Post
    i wanna fix my life so bad. i still feel exactly the same as i felt when i was like 14. i still feel like a fukin child. i want a real career, i want to be able to have the option of settling down, and stuff like that. i don't know where to start though. i don't understand college at all. just looking at the schedules and this and that, requirements, etc. i don't understand anything. like simple things like if i start in may do i go to school the entire summer or what, if i apply for a program, what then. its fukin retarded they make this chit so complicated. plus i have to do a lot of adult upgrading from the looks of it. which could take a year itself. then when i try to google this chit. there's no answers, it's like everyone already understood from the beginning, or like its supposed to be simple.
    man, the best thing you can do in this case is simply call and talk to a counselor at whatever college you're planning to join. they're there for you, and will take the time to sit down with you and explain everything. when i was in college i had meetings with my academic counselor every single semester to make sure that i had all the courses i needed, prerequisites, credits, etc. to be on track for my degree. they really helped clarify everything, because otherwise that chit is confusing for everyone and i guarantee it.

    as for age, fukk that chit. one of my coworkers graduated from college the same year i did but he was in his mid-30s. through hard work and networking, he's now doing super well for himself and i guarantee that he's leapt past the vast majority of people his age in terms of career. and he's around a decade older than you.

    don't overthink it, just start college and everything will fall into place. if you want to change your life and go to school, then take that first step. it'll all work out brah. trust me on this srs.
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  3. #1293
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post
    Yah good that you left. but at least you showed and pacified the manager. You're not gaining weight. I used to binge when I had an issue on like 4k calories a day, took like 2 weeks of that to put on a couple pounds. So unless your eating 4k a day you're good my buddy



    bro i know. literally me a few months ago. only difference is that I forced myself to talk to everyone and now I have a few friends that I can hit up for drinks like once a week. Not close friends, but it's good enough. You can do this. It'll make you feel loads better. I know that even when I'm sitting at home feeling miserable for a few weeks, the day or 2 that I hang out I feel so great.


    Also an update, the antipsychotics actually make me feel so mellow. I feel like the way i've been talking and acting the last few months is so insane. But now i feel bummed that i'm being boring. But not too bummed, cause the meds are working i think. lol. I feel very robotic. which i guess means i can do my work. whatever. also less of a desire to do crazy/fun things like drink and chase after girls that I know arent good for me. idk if this is good or bad guess it's life and I'll see how it goes next couple weeks

    Edit: also feel like inwardly i'm kinda down/depressed. and this one chick rejected me but that's chill we can be friends
    This is exactly what happened to me when i was put on meds. Once they kicked in i was too mellow, lost my sex drive and became boring. When i was in the mental hospital they put me on a bunch of them and i was like a zombie. I literally am done with meds, i will never take them again.
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  4. #1294
    Blind with hairy palms Deathstroke's Avatar
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  5. #1295
    Blind with hairy palms Deathstroke's Avatar
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    Also am who I am...genetics are a strong thing. I cannot really change that, but I can control what I put on. How I dress...learning clothes really can make or break a man. I am trying to come off as a person who dresses like they take a bit of pride in their appearance. You know, dress like you care about life. If makes sense.

    Also diet been dead on this year. Metabolic diet FTW.
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  6. #1296
    Semi-Aesthetic/10 TheWeeknd4Ever's Avatar
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    Went out with this girl a few days ago for drinks. Really pretty, cool girl, had a solid time. She tells me she had fun but there wasn't a "spark".

    It never really gets any easier handling rejection lol. You tell yourself that It does and it's no big deal but each time it happens it's just like, "damn, that sucks". Always seems to hurt every time. Bad start to 2018. I just need to stop going for girls, period. The outcome always seems the same....
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  7. #1297
    Registered User ultimategentlem's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    Went out with this girl a few days ago for drinks. Really pretty, cool girl, had a solid time. She tells me she had fun but there wasn't a "spark".

    It never really gets any easier handling rejection lol. You tell yourself that It does and it's no big deal but each time it happens it's just like, "damn, that sucks". Always seems to hurt every time. Bad start to 2018. I just need to stop going for girls, period. The outcome always seems the same....
    girls are not worth it brah is a waste of time and money better focus in your goals
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  8. #1298
    Registered User eod8989's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ultimategentlem View Post
    girls are not worth it brah is a waste of time and money better focus in your goals
    This. What do they even bring to the table? I don't do anything with my gf. Still just misc and focus on myself.

    Weekend, have you been single the whole time? I don't remember if you hooked up or had any relationships lately lol
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  9. #1299
    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Deathstroke View Post
    Also am who I am...genetics are a strong thing. I cannot really change that, but I can control what I put on. How I dress...learning clothes really can make or break a man. I am trying to come off as a person who dresses like they take a bit of pride in their appearance. You know, dress like you care about life. If makes sense.

    Also diet been dead on this year. Metabolic diet FTW.
    Its not just your outward appearance and the way others perceive you, but your internal emotional and psychological state is related to and affected by how you dress.
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  10. #1300
    Sweet Prince of Paupers salamisalem's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    This is exactly what happened to me when i was put on meds. Once they kicked in i was too mellow, lost my sex drive and became boring. When i was in the mental hospital they put me on a bunch of them and i was like a zombie. I literally am done with meds, i will never take them again.
    yeah man i was driving through NYC yesterday and suddenly saw myself becoming the robotic hard working nerd I'd been for so many years, and how I was losing my current fun self who lived life so much, even if he suffers a lot on the low weeks and days. and i poured the meds into the hudson river. i'm done with that sht. I'd rather be crazy and happy and go down in flames. still going to continue going to therapy tho, thanks for that push at least Krane.

    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    Went out with this girl a few days ago for drinks. Really pretty, cool girl, had a solid time. She tells me she had fun but there wasn't a "spark".

    It never really gets any easier handling rejection lol. You tell yourself that It does and it's no big deal but each time it happens it's just like, "damn, that sucks". Always seems to hurt every time. Bad start to 2018. I just need to stop going for girls, period. The outcome always seems the same....
    I don't think you should stop with girls, but I do think they need to become a hobby rather than a priority. which is easier said than done for sure. i know i make this mistake constantly. hang in there bro fk her, her loss. on to the next one.


    Originally Posted by KRANE View Post
    Its not just your outward appearance and the way others perceive you, but your internal emotional and psychological state is related to and affected by how you dress.
    Yeah every time i know i look good i feel so much better. it's like one huge burden off my back, and something my anxiety doesn't have to worry about (as much). can shift my mood too. Sophia Amoruso said it best "clothing is the only armor we have against the world"
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  11. #1301
    Blood tastes like iron. 2RDEYE's Avatar
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    still so fukin sick. didn't hit the gym today again. so far that's like 10 days. fukin hate being sick it like amplifies the depressing, lonely, hopeless, feelings so much more. i can't even think straight. i think its all this congestion in my head or face. miserable as fuk. i tried doing some pushups, but just got hardcore stomach cramps throwing up vibe after like the 3rd pushup.

    definitely have to go a minicut after i get better.

    i tried looking for a place to rent last night. i want to be more my age so bad. because i'm still a fukin child, i know it. but every god damn place in this chitty ass city is at least $1000, i mean i knew that, but even 1 bedroom apartments are $1000. some 1 bedroom apartments far away from downtown are like $1500. $1000, 400 sqft, 1 br apartment, two cities away. fukin will never move out. i rather just fuking die now srs. maybe i'll get a restart. or end up in a much better world.

    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    Went out with this girl a few days ago for drinks. Really pretty, cool girl, had a solid time. She tells me she had fun but there wasn't a "spark".

    It never really gets any easier handling rejection lol. You tell yourself that It does and it's no big deal but each time it happens it's just like, "damn, that sucks". Always seems to hurt every time. Bad start to 2018. I just need to stop going for girls, period. The outcome always seems the same....
    at least u get to experience girls. the last time i had a conversation with a girl i was actually interested in was like when i was 18 and that was through text. i still look back at that moment, like it was one of the best moments of my life. i cherish that chit, even though absolutely nothing came from it (i got nc'd after a week). for me that is like one of the very few moments in my entire life i actually felt like i felt happy.
    Last edited by 2RDEYE; 01-14-2018 at 02:07 PM.
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  12. #1302
    Semi-Aesthetic/10 TheWeeknd4Ever's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post


    I don't think you should stop with girls, but I do think they need to become a hobby rather than a priority. which is easier said than done for sure. i know i make this mistake constantly. hang in there bro fk her, her loss. on to the next one.
    Thanks dude. Yeah, I need to stop prioritizing it. Even as a hobby though, I think it all just needs to stop. Nothing of value seems to come of it and it just makes me feel ****tty for certain stretches. Being alone is hard as well, because I've been alone for most of my life, but I feel like it's a better alternative than putting myself through this feeling so often. Just feels like I'm not good enough for anyone. And I know that's not true, but still, the feeling isn't great
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  13. #1303
    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    Thanks dude. Yeah, I need to stop prioritizing it. Even as a hobby though, I think it all just needs to stop. Nothing of value seems to come of it and it just makes me feel ****tty for certain stretches. Being alone is hard as well, because I've been alone for most of my life, but I feel like it's a better alternative than putting myself through this feeling so often. Just feels like I'm not good enough for anyone. And I know that's not true, but still, the feeling isn't great
    Sounds like a low self-esteem? How about supplementing with a little confidence instead? After all, if you feel that way then it must be true, in as much as you will make it so.
    Originally Posted by 2RDEYE View Post
    still so fukin sick. didn't hit the gym today again. so far that's like 10 days. fukin hate being sick it like amplifies the depressing, lonely, hopeless, feelings so much more. i can't even think straight. i think its all this congestion in my head or face. miserable as fuk. i tried doing some pushups, but just got hardcore stomach cramps throwing up vibe after like the 3rd pushup.
    The important thing at this point is that you learn something from all this. How about you go get a check up and get a doctor's note? Not only would that put an end to your bosses threats.

    It will give you double ammunition in the rare and unfortunate event he does decide to terminate you. Few employers are dumb enough to ignore a note from a doctor. At least I've never met any.
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  14. #1304
    Semi-Aesthetic/10 TheWeeknd4Ever's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KRANE View Post
    Sounds like a low self-esteem? How about supplementing with a little confidence instead? After all, if you feel that way then it must be true, in as much as you will make it so.The important thing at this point is that you learn something from all this. How about you go get a check up and get a doctor's note? Not only would that put an end to your bosses threats.
    Has nothing to do with self-esteem or confidence. I don't lack confidence in my interactions and I don't have inherently low self-esteem. But at some point, you have to take a step back and look at historical results. And historically, I haven't had a lot of success finding something real. And that bums be out, as it should.
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    Cherchez la femme...Se si KRANE's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    Has nothing to do with self-esteem or confidence. I don't lack confidence in my interactions and I don't have inherently low self-esteem. But at some point, you have to take a step back and look at historical results. And historically, I haven't had a lot of success finding something real. And that bums be out, as it should.
    You've just identified one of the very fundamental elements of a low self-esteem. If you don't admit to the problem how will you ever find the solution?

    Don't get caught up in the classic defense mechanisms. They will cloud you judgement. But don't take my word for it, talk to a specialist, and examine their advice.
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    Semi-Aesthetic/10 TheWeeknd4Ever's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by KRANE View Post
    You've just identified one of the very fundamental elements of a low self-esteem. If you don't admit to the problem how will you ever find the solution?

    Don't get caught up in the classic defense mechanisms. They will cloud you judgement. But don't take my word for it, talk to a specialist, and examine their advice.
    I've already found the solution, just stop going for girls and making them a priority in any capacity.
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    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    I've already found the solution, just stop going for girls and making them a priority in any capacity.
    OK, just keep in mind that its a long road when you face the world alone.
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    Originally Posted by KRANE View Post
    The important thing at this point is that you learn something from all this. How about you go get a check up and get a doctor's note? Not only would that put an end to your bosses threats.

    It will give you double ammunition in the rare and unfortunate event he does decide to terminate you. Few employers are dumb enough to ignore a note from a doctor. At least I've never met any.
    idk, it's not really worth it to me. it costs $20 to get a doctor's note over here. i think the way i would go into this next time is using garlic. i've been megadosing vitamin d and c, drinking a lot of water, but the two things i should have also done was ingesting garlic, and buying some expectorants and decongestants. it's definitely an infection of some sort, i've been spitting green mucus like once a day. i feel like there's a lot of mucus in my head. my ears are crazy clogged and my brain seems so off. head feels so heavy.

    im gonna make it my goal to workout this wednesday. sick or not sick. my stomach looks like it gained 3 inches or somechit. getting a beer belly.

    main reason i didn't go today is because of my chest congestion, if i started hacking in the midst of bench press, i'm ****ed.
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    Honestly if i could just go places and do things, besides sit at home all the time i'd be fine. But i'm not good enough socially to go anywhere. Plus i don't even like socializing and don't have friends. Been there and tried that before. It's doing the same chit every day that gets me. The only thing that is fun is going to the gym in the morning.
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    Honestly if i could just go places and do things, besides sit at home all the time i'd be fine. But i'm not good enough socially to go anywhere. Plus i don't even like socializing and don't have friends. Been there and tried that before. It's doing the same chit every day that gets me. The only thing that is fun is going to the gym in the morning.
    What do you do with most of your free time? I guarantee if you would spend a couple hours everyday working on becoming better at socializing you'd eventually get good at it.
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    At this point, I think I'm just going through the motions until it's my time to die which is hopefully sooner than later. Lift, school, work, eat, repeat. I wish I could just press a button and instantly die a quick and painless death, but that's obviously not an option.
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    Originally Posted by DefensiveEnd896 View Post
    What do you do with most of your free time? I guarantee if you would spend a couple hours everyday working on becoming better at socializing you'd eventually get good at it.
    I isolated because I didn't like it. I used to be social but that was back when I was younger and was smoking and drinking. When I turned 25 i just gave up though because I couldn't relate to anyone, had chit friends and was always the awkward one. Biggest thing is I couldn't relate to anyone though. The few friends I wanted to keep left me because I was too awkward and not great social. What else gives?
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    At work i just keep my headphones in and walk around. I've tried taking them out before to see if people would talk to me, but nobody does. It's just the same chit different day. I must look scary to people because i'm always alone i don't know. Plus i get so much anxiety being at work by myself and going around people who are already in their social groups. It gives me a panic attack.
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    Originally Posted by DahStoryTella View Post
    At this point, I think I'm just going through the motions until it's my time to die which is hopefully sooner than later. Lift, school, work, eat, repeat. I wish I could just press a button and instantly die a quick and painless death, but that's obviously not an option.
    I am glad it's not an option for you. I had make the decision to keep going a few months ago, it's rough.
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    Originally Posted by DahStoryTella View Post
    At this point, I think I'm just going through the motions until it's my time to die which is hopefully sooner than later. Lift, school, work, eat, repeat. I wish I could just press a button and instantly die a quick and painless death, but that's obviously not an option.
    yeah i get it bro. but you know what. at least make some high points happen, whether it's the gym or food you enjoy or girls. those moments that break the monotony, they make me think it's worth it to keep going till the next one

    guess an update on me is i left this chick i been seeing. feeling pretty weird about it all. glad i did it, but also feeling really shtty now. cause i enjoyed hanging out with her. but w/e.
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  26. #1316
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    At work i just keep my headphones in and walk around. I've tried taking them out before to see if people would talk to me, but nobody does. It's just the same chit different day. I must look scary to people because i'm always alone i don't know. Plus i get so much anxiety being at work by myself and going around people who are already in their social groups. It gives me a panic attack.
    Ask yourself this: what positive attributes do I have to add to the conversation? If all you have is the lamentations of your disappointing life then there's no wonder nobody want to talk to you.

    Its like when you go to visit the sick and elderly at the hospital/nursing home. The entire conversation revolves around their failing health and all the sicknesses that ails them.

    Nobody wants to be around somebody that is always negative. Nor leave a conversation more depressed then when they came in. Consider that the next time you attempt to engage in conversation.
    Originally Posted by salamisalem View Post
    yeah i get it bro. but you know what. at least make some high points happen, whether it's the gym or food you enjoy or girls. those moments that break the monotony, they make me think it's worth it to keep going till the next one

    guess an update on me is i left this chick i been seeing. feeling pretty weird about it all. glad i did it, but also feeling really shtty now. cause i enjoyed hanging out with her. but w/e.
    Did she represent all the eggs in your basket? Was she the only person in your world? What else do you enjoy doing? Never let any single person be the sole existence for your life. Not even your spouse.
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    went to the gym today, back day, didn't lose any strength because back day is easy as ****. decent workout. gained 7lbs on the scale this past week, guessing at least 2lbs is fat. not that bad to be honest. but i definitely do not miss the gym environment. so many high ego morons in there. chatting it up, supersetting, etc. nobody is considerate. brb towels and waterbottles on equipment they're not even using. thinking of buying an incline bench so maybe i can just workout in my room. i already have dumbbells up to 60lbs, so i think it'd be alright for just being fit overall.

    i should've tried a gym over in japan, probably the best gym environments there if you just want to get chit done.
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  28. #1318
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    Originally Posted by eod8989 View Post
    At work i just keep my headphones in and walk around. I've tried taking them out before to see if people would talk to me, but nobody does. It's just the same chit different day. I must look scary to people because i'm always alone i don't know. Plus i get so much anxiety being at work by myself and going around people who are already in their social groups. It gives me a panic attack.
    Stop wearing your headphones. Force yourself to interact with people. You have to get experience if you are ever going to get better at socializing.

    Also, from what I can tell from your posts you care way too much about people think about you. Who gives a f**k if someone likes you or not... You are who you are. If they like you great if they don't move on someone else will. There are billions of people in this world man. Don't let someone or one group influence how you feel about yourself to that extent. Just be yourself when you talk to people but don't talk about depressing topics. No one wants to be around ppl like that.

    Talking to people isn't rocket science. It's easy. Simple way to converse - Ask them questions about their life. Humans tend to be egocentric. We care more about the weather in our city than we do about an earthquake that probably killed thousands of people in another country. People love talking about themselves and I've found it is very interesting to learn people's backgrounds by asking the right questions. This world is full of so many unique people it's cool to let people talk and just listen sometimes. It's also a good way to make friends and you don't have to talk much.
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    About to go out. Bout to have my third beer, work tomorrow morning. I just feel I have to go out, I don't feel good. I feel unhappy to my core right now and drinking and letting loose is really the only time I can feel like, ok. I can make a fool of myself and hit on girls without really giving a **** and just have a good time. I just feel unhappy in life right now, which is wierd, because I have everything I ever wanted.

    The job, my own place with my best friend. Everything has come full circle but I still feel empty. I think I broke during my 2 years of severe depression. Something broke inside me that I don't know how to fix. It's scarier now than it was before, because now,I don't know what the cause of it is. I thought if I fixed everything that I would be happy. And I am. I am happy-er, at least. I feel content at work, I enjoy what I do, it challenges me. I love my roommate, the people I work with. But something just feels missing. Something big. I still feel really empty all the time.....

    Hopefully I have a good night. Will probably get 2 hours of sleep then work another 12 hour day, then gym, then study. Gotta love life..
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    Originally Posted by TheWeeknd4Ever View Post
    About to go out. Bout to have my third beer, work tomorrow morning. I just feel I have to go out, I don't feel good. I feel unhappy to my core right now and drinking and letting loose is really the only time I can feel like, ok. I can make a fool of myself and hit on girls without really giving a **** and just have a good time. I just feel unhappy in life right now, which is wierd, because I have everything I ever wanted.

    The job, my own place with my best friend. Everything has come full circle but I still feel empty. I think I broke during my 2 years of severe depression. Something broke inside me that I don't know how to fix. It's scarier now than it was before, because now,I don't know what the cause of it is. I thought if I fixed everything that I would be happy. And I am. I am happy-er, at least. I feel content at work, I enjoy what I do, it challenges me. I love my roommate, the people I work with. But something just feels missing. Something big. I still feel really empty all the time.....

    Hopefully I have a good night. Will probably get 2 hours of sleep then work another 12 hour day, then gym, then study. Gotta love life..
    Well you are happier which is a good sign. Have you thought about taking anti-depressants?
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