[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

[Headshot99]

What's the best way to find a gf when you're depressed?

[hbhorat]

What's the best way to find a gf when you're depressed?

I'm curious to hear if this is even a good strat, i feel like focusing on yourself and working on your depression holds a higher priority than finding a gf. But I might be wrong, and maybe getting a gf will help with your depression, but then again keep in mind if she ends up breaking up with you, you gonna be spiralling downwards

Keen to hear other brahs take on dis

[Headshot99]

I'm curious to hear if this is even a good strat, i feel like focusing on yourself and working on your depression holds a higher priority than finding a gf. But I might be wrong, and maybe getting a gf will help with your depression, but then again keep in mind if she ends up breaking up with you, you gonna be spiralling downwards

Keen to hear other brahs take on dis

It would probably help immensely.

[enzo818]

I'm curious to hear if this is even a good strat, i feel like focusing on yourself and working on your depression holds a higher priority than finding a gf. But I might be wrong, and maybe getting a gf will help with your depression, but then again keep in mind if she ends up breaking up with you, you gonna be spiralling downwards

Keen to hear other brahs take on dis

I agree with this, although having a gf can help if your depression is related to a breakup because having that person can lessen the pain you are currently feeling, but ultimately its putting a bandaid on a bigger problem.

[faxanadu]

It would probably help immensely.

I disagree. I think searching for a girlfriend to cure your depression is a really bad idea.

People project. Most people date and associate with people that mirror themselves (especially in intimate relationships). This is exactly why you see so many people constantly scratching their heads wondering why they keep getting burned over and over in their relationships. A healthy relationship is two complete people coming together and becoming something greater than themselves... NOT... two broken people trying to make a whole.

I've known two people in recent years that had depression issues, got in a relationship, it went south, and they killed themselves. It's hard enough dealing with a breakup when you're a strong person ... it's even worse when you're weak, feeding off that other person, and become so attached that you feel like you just lost everything.

Sometimes there are rare situations where someone enters your life and like a sculpture removes all the unnecessary pieces to reveal the true you. I've only seen that once in my life though.

[faxanadu]

I'm really hoping this doesn't turn into a coping thread. I'd love to hear strategies people have to get out of this chit hole of despair.

So something I've been thinking lately...

We all have those moments when we hear a song, watch a video, or feel something ... and all of a sudden we feel good and get inspired. We might sit on our arse for a month and then all of a sudden see a video that gives us just that little bit of momentum to get to the gym.

Those moments are great. However, looming over head, just a millisecond of thought away ... is negative self-talk of biblical proportions just waiting to kick us back down into the well again.

Does anyone have some great ideas of how to wake-up to momentum and keep it going? I've seriously thought about setting a timer to go off every hour ... that forces my mind out of the well of despair to watch something uplifting/motivational in order to stay on track. I truly believe if i do it enough then ill eventually recondition myself away from the constant barrage of depressing thoughts.

The reason i'm considering the above is that I constantly find myself in a good train of thought, then something happens, i slip back into negativity, and am usually stuck there until some outside force (a song on the radio, human being interrupting me) jolts me back. It's like this revolving door of awareness to unaware except i spent 90% of the time unaware in mental turmoil.

[VocelLoser]

It would probably help immensely.

IMO this is just emotional ignorance, meaning that you're confusing your desires with your libido. I have troubles with EQ, as well, where I'll confuse excitement (good) with anxiety (bad). What I'm seeing is you're confusing needing sex (good) with needing a girlfriend (in your situation, bad). I want you to really, really think of how much your life will change when you have another person depending on you while you're already struggling. Relationships aren't all fun and games, they're a conditional thing where you need to be providing something the other person wants, and as a depression sufferer 'stability' is not going to be something you can offer right now.

Focus on figuring out what is making you feel so empty, first. Chuck the GF thing aside, and really find out what's eating you. Then, when you've truly figured it out, fix it and THEN worry about dating. Otherwise, you're just going to do more damage when you have to deal with things like jealousy (which will happen as a depressed person), and time apart.

EDIT: Not to mention what the brah above said about mirroring each other, and how catastrophic that can become.

[midcoastking33]

I'm really hoping this doesn't turn into a coping thread. I'd love to hear strategies people have to get out of this chit hole of despair.

So something I've been thinking lately...

We all have those moments when we hear a song, watch a video, or feel something ... and all of a sudden we feel good and get inspired. We might sit on our arse for a month and then all of a sudden see a video that gives us just that little bit of momentum to get to the gym.

Those moments are great. However, looming over head, just a millisecond of thought away ... is negative self-talk of biblical proportions just waiting to kick us back down into the well again.

Does anyone have some great ideas of how to wake-up to momentum and keep it going? I've seriously thought about setting a timer to go off every hour ... that forces my mind out of the well of despair to watch something uplifting/motivational in order to stay on track. I truly believe if i do it enough then ill eventually recondition myself away from the constant barrage of depressing thoughts.

The reason i'm considering the above is that I constantly find myself in a good train of thought, then something happens, i slip back into negativity, and am usually stuck there until some outside force (a song on the radio, human being interrupting me) jolts me back. It's like this revolving door of awareness to unaware except i spent 90% of the time unaware in mental turmoil.

it's as you said before, we are not our thoughts

the mind will always skew negative- it's a survival mechanism. in addition, motivation is a feeble feeling that never lasts long. here's a trick-everytime you get those negative thought loops, try thinking of them in a cartoon voice like mickey mouse. suddenly they feel less like the truth and more like a joke

[faxanadu]

it's as you said before, we are not our thoughts

the mind will always skew negative- it's a survival mechanism. in addition, motivation is a feeble feeling that never lasts long. here's a trick-everytime you get those negative thought loops, try thinking of them in a cartoon voice like mickey mouse. suddenly they feel less like the truth and more like a joke

lol... i like the mickey mouse idea.

My post wasn't really about motivation, but awareness. It is really hard to pull yourself out of a negative thought loop when you're in it because you forget you're in it. That's the issue i'd like to tackle. I've scoured the internet for an answer to that dilemma and haven't found much.

The best way i can explain the issue is from an addiction/destructive habit standpoint:

1. You start off trying to do something and at this point you're in control.
2. Chit starts happening and you feel a little anxiety but still mostly control.
3. Then at some point you lose control and slip into a despair loop. I say at 'some point' because the state change is like a dream ... you don't know when it started other than it did... yet you're not aware of it until you're awake again.

#3 keeps cruising along until a ruckus happens, phone rings, someone asks you a question, etc ... basically some variable outside your control snaps you back to awareness.

The best antidote I've heard thus far is to basically stop yourself at #2. I haven't found that to be very effective.

[sessy]

ive been struggling with depression and anxiety since middle school and now i got drug addiction to add to that. im trying to quit but the withdrawals just makes it hell. i really dont know what to do with my life. i have a fear of going outside and social anxiety. im 22 and never had a gf. but i still work hard to improve myself. exercise, boxing, reading, social skills, cold approaching, and online dating. but despite all the work i put into nothing comes out of it. it really is a bottomless pit

[2RDEYE]

i just got prescribed anti-depressants, this is going to be my first time using them consistently. i nearly teared up talking to the doctor about my depression, haven't talked to anyone in real life about it since i was 19. He gave me some surveys, ranked me at "severe depression." Gave me anti-depressants, wants me to take a blood test (i'm not sure why), and he said maybe he could find some counseling sessions to help me with my life. Not a fan of counselors, have tried counseling before, it is basically just talking to someone.

He gave me "Sertraline 25mg"

I'll see how it goes... feel like tearing up srs. I hate talking about my depression in real life, makes me so sad. I hope I don't go insane, my anxiety is really bad right now. But i'll definitely report back if I notice it helps, even if it feels like placebo.

is a mod going to sticky this?

it should have been stickied. i'm not sure why they didn't take the old thread down and replace it with this one.

ive been struggling with depression and anxiety since middle school and now i got drug addiction to add to that. im trying to quit but the withdrawals just makes it hell. i really dont know what to do with my life. i have a fear of going outside and social anxiety. im 22 and never had a gf. but i still work hard to improve myself. exercise, boxing, reading, social skills, cold approaching, and online dating. but despite all the work i put into nothing comes out of it. it really is a bottomless pit

i feel u man, you try to improve your life, you have some achievements, and it feels meaningless when it comes to the grand scheme of things. still end up at square one, endless cycle. it's because this society is so absurd. this entire career and job system doesn't work for everyone. a man dreams of becoming a lawyer, he tries so hard, society decides it's not meant for him, he ends up becoming a garbage man.

[theRealGriNC]

i just got prescribed anti-depressants, this is going to be my first time using them consistently. i nearly teared up talking to the doctor about my depression, haven't talked to anyone in real life about it since i was 19. He gave me some surveys, ranked me at "severe depression." Gave me anti-depressants, wants me to take a blood test (i'm not sure why), and he said maybe he could find some counseling sessions to help me with my life. Not a fan of counselors, have tried counseling before, it is basically just talking to someone.

He gave me "Sertraline 25mg"

I'll see how it goes... feel like tearing up srs. I hate talking about my depression in real life, makes me so sad. I hope I don't go insane, my anxiety is really bad right now. But i'll definitely report back if I notice it helps, even if it feels like placebo.



it should have been stickied. i'm not sure why they didn't take the old thread down and replace it with this one.

Just make sure to stick with it. Huge step in the right direction.

[faxanadu]

ive been struggling with depression and anxiety since middle school and now i got drug addiction to add to that. im trying to quit but the withdrawals just makes it hell. i really dont know what to do with my life. i have a fear of going outside and social anxiety. im 22 and never had a gf. but i still work hard to improve myself. exercise, boxing, reading, social skills, cold approaching, and online dating. but despite all the work i put into nothing comes out of it. it really is a bottomless pit

You might find this useful...

@51:50 ... pretty interesting dialogue

[2RDEYE]

Just make sure to stick with it. Huge step in the right direction.

I'm scared of a drastic personality change, that why i've never taken them. But I think a personality change is what I need now. But i'm assuming since it seems to take weeks, it's more of a natural mood enhancer. I've read so many things like "husband took anti-depressants, next day he killed himself" though. Hopefully it doesn't affect me that way, the way I am now, I feel like tearing up all the time.

[faxanadu]

i just got prescribed anti-depressants, this is going to be my first time using them consistently. i nearly teared up talking to the doctor about my depression, haven't talked to anyone in real life about it since i was 19. He gave me some surveys, ranked me at "severe depression." Gave me anti-depressants, wants me to take a blood test (i'm not sure why), and he said maybe he could find some counseling sessions to help me with my life. Not a fan of counselors, have tried counseling before, it is basically just talking to someone.

He gave me "Sertraline 25mg"

I'll see how it goes... feel like tearing up srs. I hate talking about my depression in real life, makes me so sad. I hope I don't go insane, my anxiety is really bad right now. But i'll definitely report back if I notice it helps, even if it feels like placebo.



it should have been stickied. i'm not sure why they didn't take the old thread down and replace it with this one.



i feel u man, you try to improve your life, you have some achievements, and it feels meaningless when it comes to the grand scheme of things. still end up at square one, endless cycle. it's because this society is so absurd. this entire career and job system doesn't work for everyone. a man dreams of becoming a lawyer, he tries so hard, society decides it's not meant for him, he ends up becoming a garbage man.

I'd be curious to see how you would feel a month into a Pacific Crest Trail or Appalachian Trail hike. I witnessed miraculous things with people and their physical/mental ailments during my hike. There is some kind of self correcting thing that happened to people with the consistent clean air, sunlight, sleep schedule, exercise, lack of stress, etc.

Pictures are worth a thousand words...

[2RDEYE]

I'd be curious to see how you would feel a month into a Pacific Crest Trail or Appalachian Trail hike. I witnessed miraculous things with people and their physical/mental ailments during my hike. There is some kind of self correcting thing that happened to people with the consistent clean air, sunlight, sleep schedule, exercise, lack of stress, etc.

Pictures are worth a thousand words...

[youtube]YO7Hlx_tX9s[youtube]

i don't think i would last a day. i have pretty bad eczema, like my skin and hair is constantly allergic to grass, dirt, bugs, rain, heat, or sweat. thanks for the suggestion though. my dad did take me to the philippines last year where there was no electronics, no first world toliets or showers, everything i ate was natural and organic, and it was just nature, and i did feel like i was turning into a new person, but when i came back here i instantly reverted back to my really psychologically messed up self.

[faxanadu]

i don't think i would last a day. i have pretty bad eczema, like my skin and hair is constantly allergic to grass, dirt, bugs, rain, heat, or sweat. thanks for the suggestion though. my dad did take me to the philippines last year where there was no electronics, no first world toliets or showers, everything i ate was natural and organic, and it was just nature, and i did feel like i was turning into a new person, but when i came back here i instantly reverted back to my really psychologically messed up self.

First bold ... you sure that isn't heavily anxiety/stress related?

2nd bold ... basically what i experienced. Which tells me that both of our environments need to change. Typical 9-5 city life doesn't work...

[2RDEYE]

First bold ... you sure that isn't heavily anxiety/stress related?

2nd bold ... basically what i experienced. Which tells me that both of our environments need to change. Typical 9-5 city life doesn't work...

yeah i've had really bad eczema since birth, since i was a baby. stress makes it worse, but i naturally just get itchy too. like i ripped off all the skin off my thumb in the summer just out of habit, i've never scratched my thumb before. scratched my head a couple times just typing this.

i agree. my head was more clear when i was over there. it may have just been because it was vacation. but i don't think so. everyone is so friendly over there, easily approachable, i don't even speak the native language and i still didn't feel much anxiety talking to people there. but over here, wow... i have quite a bit of anxiety talking to anyone on the street. my mind is like "what is his personality like, what if he's rude, what if he's racist, he looks scary, he looks nice enough, etc." our society is really negative, everyone is hostile or guarded i find. everyone is stressed out.

[eod8989]

Day #352 of not talking to anyone my age in a row

[2RDEYE]

i got a huge migraine after taking that first antidepressant pill, i don't know if it was the pill though.

[jackovbrah]

Hi guys. How should I deal with triggers? I (think) I beat my "long term" depression. But once in a while i'll read some upsetting news related to depression etc and it triggers me. Could last a few days, weeks but eventually it goes away most times. How can I learn to deal with these triggers? My biggest fear is long term coming back.

But atleast I know that I got over it once, so I can do it again. Stay positive guys much love xo.

[MapleLog]

Just started my first dose of lexapro tonight, doc said it's supposed to take 2 weeks before I can feel it's effects, but literally 10 minutes after I popped it I feel the effects!

Hopefully this helps, been in a serious slump for what seems like forever, lost interest in things, too afraid to do the things I want, social anxiety.. Have to force myself to go to the gym, can't look in the mirrors because I hate myself..

I'll post in here to let you guys know if this lexapro thing works... Today is day 1

edit: I'm also going to go to cbt counseling tomorrow, it's free cause it's part of a study so I signed up.. Heard great things of cbt therapy, so I'm also hoping that it's going to help me.. I feel so bad because I feel like it's taking a toll on my parents, they just want me to be happy, but for the longest time I felt like I'll never be happy.

I also have compulsive behaviour like constantly checking social media to see if my ex logged on, I know it's a horrible habit and am thinking of just deleting social media tomorrow to see if it will help.

[faxanadu]

I think these two videos might really kick start something with a few of you in this thread.

[2RDEYE]

Just started my first dose of lexapro tonight, doc said it's supposed to take 2 weeks before I can feel it's effects, but literally 10 minutes after I popped it I feel the effects!

Hopefully this helps, been in a serious slump for what seems like forever, lost interest in things, too afraid to do the things I want, social anxiety.. Have to force myself to go to the gym, can't look in the mirrors because I hate myself..

I'll post in here to let you guys know if this lexapro thing works... Today is day 1

edit: I'm also going to go to cbt counseling tomorrow, it's free cause it's part of a study so I signed up.. Heard great things of cbt therapy, so I'm also hoping that it's going to help me.. I feel so bad because I feel like it's taking a toll on my parents, they just want me to be happy, but for the longest time I felt like I'll never be happy.

I also have compulsive behaviour like constantly checking social media to see if my ex logged on, I know it's a horrible habit and am thinking of just deleting social media tomorrow to see if it will help.

I just started anti-depressants today as well. but i'm on "Sertraline." let's hope it goes well for us. i also felt a strong effect after just the first pill. i had a huge migraine after taking it, it does seem like it's changing something in my brain, but that could just be a coincidence.

Hi guys. How should I deal with triggers? I (think) I beat my "long term" depression. But once in a while i'll read some upsetting news related to depression etc and it triggers me. Could last a few days, weeks but eventually it goes away most times. How can I learn to deal with these triggers? My biggest fear is long term coming back.

But atleast I know that I got over it once, so I can do it again. Stay positive guys much love xo.

i wish i knew man, i also suffer from really bad triggers. it's like PTSD.

[BigTimePlayer]

Well that girl I went on a date with said she just wants to be friends. Go figure. So fuking pissed right now. She flat out lied saying her phone died after she never got back to me. Also, saying we never talked about what we wanted out of all this?! Which is a big WTF. So full of **** man. I deleted her number but I am pretty pissed & upset. Also annoys me that she didn't insist on paying for her half when she knew she wouldn't want to see me again.

[hbhorat]

Well that girl I went on a date with said she just wants to be friends. Go figure. So fuking pissed right now. She flat out lied saying her phone died after she never got back to me. Also, saying we never talked about what we wanted out of all this?! Which is a big WTF. So full of **** man. I deleted her number but I am pretty pissed & upset. Also annoys me that she didn't insist on paying for her half when she knew she wouldn't want to see me again.

Unfortunate brah, but hearing you deleted her number means you're already a step in the right direction. Good man

[BigTimePlayer]

Unfortunate brah, but hearing you deleted her number means you're already a step in the right direction. Good man

True, this **** stings pretty bad though. I definitely invested too much time in her now I feel broken down. I should of saw some of the signs though of some red flags. There was definitely some odd things that happened throughout the weeks that I shouldn't have overlooked. Like any day I mentioned for us to meet she would always have plans or something. She just never went out of her way to change plans or anything. It's just messed up really. I just feel like **** & don't even want to go to work tomorrow now.

[hbhorat]

True, this **** stings pretty bad though. I definitely invested too much time in her now I feel broken down. I should of saw some of the signs though of some red flags. There was definitely some odd things that happened throughout the weeks that I shouldn't have overlooked. Like any day I mentioned for us to meet she would always have plans or something. She just never went out of her way to change plans or anything. It's just messed up really. I just feel like **** & don't even want to go to work tomorrow now.

Damn brah I know those feels all too well, broke up with gf of 4 years, think about the time I invested and same as you, they were deffs some red flags that I ignored. But you live and you learn, relevant video to help pick yourself up;

[Deathstroke]

my willy hurts guys

[BlueHaze23]

Ive been dealing with depression for years. Diagnosed with Bipolar 2 with extreme depression. **** sucks, but it does get better.