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  1. #8341
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    i feel so bad how i've treated my mom the past 15 years. She loved me sooo much (too much) and I started to resent her for it. I treated her like trash and ruined the most important experience of her life (her children) by be bitter towards her. I feel terrible but will always be too stubborn to change and treat her like a mom. I can't hug her and don't think I ever will be able to.
    the fukking man
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  2. #8342
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    and I think about my oneitis and how much it hurt me when she was gone. I've never been so sad over anything in my life. I really loved her. I don't even know if I shoould be sad that she's gone or happy that I got to have such a powerful and special experience. just so emotional right now
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  3. #8343
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    i really need to give my family the best presents I can think of this year for Christmas so I can show that I love them and leave this planet without too much regret.
    the fukking man
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  4. #8344
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    crying over retarded stuff and cringing at my posts
    the fukking man
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  5. #8345
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    crying over retarded stuff and cringing at my posts

    Hey man, there's no need to be ashamed. If you need someone to talk to, shoot me a PM.
    None of the above constitutes legal advice nor should be interpreted as such.
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  6. #8346
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    sick of work. people just micromanage me and dont let me try
    the fukking man
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  7. #8347
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    I think the misc ruins your mental health

    I was pretty good mentally until i started posting here again in 2016

    This place is full of the most insecure people in the world but it's the only place i know of that has any real freedom of speech
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  8. #8348
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    my sister was always the favorite child. at least she was always treated better. my parents would always side with her. i always thought it was because she was a girl. Extended family would always compliment her and tell her how pretty she is. no one ever said stuff like that to me. now she just brags about her looks and money. she never had to pay rent in her life. she lived with our parents until 28 and now she's moving in with her rich boyfriend who she met on tinder. it's crazy how she dates these rich guys while tbh not offering much herself. it really bugs me how she never had to try in life. she always got better treatment than me and now she has a rich boyfriend who worships her and i've never had someone love me. it's so hurtful because she has the exact same personality as me.
    the fukking man
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  9. #8349
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    my parents tried to hang out with me today but I ignored them. I feel so bad. I hate spending time with my family. I just feel guilt and shame and cannot be happy. I don't have any good things to tell them. I'm not happy. I'm not okay. I really don't want to spend time with anymore but I feel so bad being unresponsive because I know how much they love me. I know I'm everything to them and I'm worrying them. I feel so bad but I just want to be left alone.
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  10. #8350
    Fast Misc DizzySmalls's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    my sister was always the favorite child. at least she was always treated better. my parents would always side with her. i always thought it was because she was a girl. Extended family would always compliment her and tell her how pretty she is. no one ever said stuff like that to me. now she just brags about her looks and money. she never had to pay rent in her life. she lived with our parents until 28 and now she's moving in with her rich boyfriend who she met on tinder. it's crazy how she dates these rich guys while tbh not offering much herself. it really bugs me how she never had to try in life. she always got better treatment than me and now she has a rich boyfriend who worships her and i've never had someone love me. it's so hurtful because she has the exact same personality as me.
    Do you want a rich boyfriend who loves you just for your holes? Because I'm sure you can acquire that if you want.

    Besides, you are too neurotic for love to mean anything to you. You won't even spend time with your family who loves you more than anybody ever will almost assuredly.
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  11. #8351
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    I was so lonely and depressed and never had a girlfriend. I started crying regularly and losing hope in life. I had this idea that I should just buy a girlfriend by seeing an escort regularly. I went through every single advertisement in my area and thoroughly read all the profiles. I found a girl who looked like I had a lot in common with and decided I want that girl to be her. I met her and just kept seeing her regularly until I caught feelings and it was great. I finally got to experience a relationship. She gave me exactly what I wanted and I truly felt love for her. I always wanted to ask her out but never could. Even though I know she would have rejected me and it would have probably just made her uncomfortable and ruined our relationship, I wish I did. I really wanted to date her and would fantasize about our future together. I was starstruck by this girl. At some point I was able to accept just being her client and not actually dating her. It wasn't the ideal situation but it was better than nothing and I started to think life wasn't so bad. Eventually she left the industry unannounced and I never heard from her again. I cried to her pimp and a therapist about it. My heart had never been so broken. I lost my first love and she made herself uncontactable to me. I couldn't eat for weeks and it put me into a deep depression even worse than I had before I met her. That was over 2 years ago and I'm still not fully recovered. I was finally starting to think things weren't so bad and my heart got torn to pieces and my life shattered.
    the fukking man
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  12. #8352
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    When I was 12 my friend introduced me to a game called Runescape. I fell in love with games like this because of the social aspect. I had severe social anxiety and it allowed me to interact with people however I wanted uninhibited. I could be the cool guy who helps out less experienced players. On the flip side, I could be the bully. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could act uninhibited and it felt amazing. When I was 14 I started playing World of Warcraft and that game was the only thing that mattered to me. I just wanted to be the best and be admired by other players. And eventually I was. But it's over now and now I'm just a socially awkward weirdo who makes people uncomfortable. I don't have fun anymore nor can I even be myself.
    the fukking man
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  13. #8353
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DizzySmalls View Post
    Do you want a rich boyfriend who loves you just for your holes? Because I'm sure you can acquire that if you want.

    Besides, you are too neurotic for love to mean anything to you. You won't even spend time with your family who loves you more than anybody ever will almost assuredly.
    it bugs me that she has someone who loves her and I don't and we act the same and I struggle so much yet she has men out of her league lining up to worship her. I had jealousy for my sister from a young age and she just keeps mogging me to this day. It's really frustrating.
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  14. #8354
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    i have a crush on another escort and she's the only thing that keeps me going. It gives me something to look forward to but even when I see her I get bored and I can't really afford her. It stresses me out so much but this past year and I had suicidal depression and meeting her made me feel a lot better. I'm not sure what to do going forward.
    the fukking man
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  15. #8355
    Fast Misc DizzySmalls's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    When I was 12 my friend introduced me to a game called Runescape. I fell in love with games like this because of the social aspect. I had severe social anxiety and it allowed me to interact with people however I wanted uninhibited. I could be the cool guy who helps out less experienced players. On the flip side, I could be the bully. I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could act uninhibited and it felt amazing. When I was 14 I started playing World of Warcraft and that game was the only thing that mattered to me. I just wanted to be the best and be admired by other players. And eventually I was. But it's over now and now I'm just a socially awkward weirdo who makes people uncomfortable. I don't have fun anymore nor can I even be myself.
    Those elements of yourself are probably never going to change. You need to become detached from those things that you want but can't have.

    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    it bugs me that she has someone who loves her and I don't and we act the same and I struggle so much yet she has men out of her league lining up to worship her. I had jealousy for my sister from a young age and she just keeps mogging me to this day. It's really frustrating.
    She has a twat.
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  16. #8356
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DizzySmalls View Post
    Those elements of yourself are probably never going to change. You need to become detached from those things that you want but can't have.


    She has a twat.
    I hate women. It infuriates me to no end when my female coworkers who do the same job as me have all these things like families and houses. The worst part is they suck at working. They hardly do anything and complain all the time when they have the perfect life in my eyes. It's so easy for them. Some have been working at entry level positions for 20 years and they never had to move up or try. It's just not fair. I don't want to hate women but I'm filled with jealousy. These girls aren't even pretty. They aren't smart. But they have successful husbands/bfs?? I just don't get it man. It makes me so sad. I just feel like I got cheated in the game called life.
    the fukking man
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  17. #8357
    Fast Misc DizzySmalls's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    I hate women. It infuriates me to no end when my female coworkers who do the same job as me have all these things like families and houses. The worst part is they suck at working. They hardly do anything and complain all the time when they have the perfect life in my eyes. It's so easy for them. Some have been working at entry level positions for 20 years and they never had to move up or try. It's just not fair. I don't want to hate women but I'm filled with jealousy. These girls aren't even pretty. They aren't smart. But they have successful husbands/bfs?? I just don't get it man. It makes me so sad. I just feel like I got cheated in the game called life.
    Being jealous is a bitch trait, and unfortunately as much as you wish it were otherwise, you weren't born female so being a bitch doesn't work out the same way.

    Status and success doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does IMO. It is only as important as you allow it to be based on your perception. From a different vantage point, your sister, women, and everyone else on the planet are pathetic mortal creatures with no reason to exist and guaranteed annihilation waiting a short duration ahead. Everyone has their private sufferings that usually outweigh their happiness regardless of how relatively well off they may be. Even if you were the Chadliest winner of all time, you're still just human. Barely even real bro.
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  18. #8358
    Fast Misc DizzySmalls's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bobbydigaloa View Post
    it is interesting to see some of the real side of imbored21

    The guy has a pretty good sense of humor I can tell by his posts, prob a decently cool guy when he is able to be himself but I know social anxieties worst feature is making one unable to be themselves. Happens to me too a lot.
    Pretty excited to see the results of tomorrow's session, not going to lie. Guarded optimism
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  19. #8359
    King of Durotar imbored21's Avatar
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    I had my k therapy first session 2 hours ago.

    It seemed pretty sketchy. i just walked in and a phlebotomist came and got me from the waiting room and didn't say much and just hooked me up to an IV and asked for my credit card. A guy comes in saying he is a doctor and asks me if I have any questions and I said no so he just administered the drug. I didn't have to fill out any paper work or do a prescreen.

    After a few minutes I started to feel the medication. Physically it just felt like my body wasn't my own and when I talked it was coming from someone else.

    Mentally it felt like i was in a dream. Or even on vacation. Hard to explain. I got feelings of nostalgia but wasn't thinking of the past. That's the best way I can describe it.

    I still had social anxiety. I was lying down as a complete vegetable and I needed to go the bathroom really bad and it took me a while before I could speak up about it (which i eventually did).

    For depression, I don't really notice anything. It does feel like I'm on a vacation as a kid. But it still feels likke someting is missing (a connection to another person IMO). I kept comparing my feelings to taking a vacation with my family as a kid but this time I had no family and was all alone.

    Now I feel really tired and ****ed up. I cant walk or think straight.

    They said there are 6 sessions twice a week for 3 weeks. I never knew this and don't think I can schedule that many days off of work with such short notice. Not sure if I want to continue.

    TBH I just feel like I got high and it was fun but still have social anxiety/long for a gf.

    I will update this later as the day/week progresses but so far I'm a little disappointed. And I might add to this later when I can think straight.
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  20. #8360
    Registered User y0l0sw4g69's Avatar
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    So I have one nut that like doesnt hang with temperature changes or anything after a hydrocele surgery (the surgery was otherwise successful, it just looks odd to me sometimes), its basically right by my shaft lol. So the other one hangs freely when its warm and the asymmetry is kind of bothering me. I think its an obsession with this slight defect/abnormality and it gets me down sometimes with low esteem and body image. Do you guys feel like this would also make you depressed, or would you not mind and say **** it? I'm also a virg and Im worried girls will be bothered by it lol. Reps for replies
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  21. #8361
    Fast Misc DizzySmalls's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    I had my k therapy first session 2 hours ago.

    It seemed pretty sketchy. i just walked in and a phlebotomist came and got me from the waiting room and didn't say much and just hooked me up to an IV and asked for my credit card. A guy comes in saying he is a doctor and asks me if I have any questions and I said no so he just administered the drug. I didn't have to fill out any paper work or do a prescreen.

    After a few minutes I started to feel the medication. Physically it just felt like my body wasn't my own and when I talked it was coming from someone else.

    Mentally it felt like i was in a dream. Or even on vacation. Hard to explain. I got feelings of nostalgia but wasn't thinking of the past. That's the best way I can describe it.

    I still had social anxiety. I was lying down as a complete vegetable and I needed to go the bathroom really bad and it took me a while before I could speak up about it (which i eventually did).

    For depression, I don't really notice anything. It does feel like I'm on a vacation as a kid. But it still feels likke someting is missing (a connection to another person IMO). I kept comparing my feelings to taking a vacation with my family as a kid but this time I had no family and was all alone.

    Now I feel really tired and ****ed up. I cant walk or think straight.

    They said there are 6 sessions twice a week for 3 weeks. I never knew this and don't think I can schedule that many days off of work with such short notice. Not sure if I want to continue.

    TBH I just feel like I got high and it was fun but still have social anxiety/long for a gf.

    I will update this later as the day/week progresses but so far I'm a little disappointed. And I might add to this later when I can think straight.
    Brother the effects you are looking for do not kick in that fast. The dissociation can have benefits if you know how to take insight from it but that's just the side show. You do the infusions for the physical changes that take place over the next 6-12 hours or so.

    Some people require multiple infusions before they notice anything but I felt it the next morning. You shouldn't need THAT many infusions though, that seems like a money grab. Which it is, they are legal dealers who charge you a high fee for their service of putting you in a room and administering something to you that you can't buy legally by yourself.

    EDIT: I misread, 6 total is normal. I read that as 18 total sessions

    Also, it has far less proven efficacy for social anxiety than for depression. Some people get a really big boost on that front, some don't. The depression and the physical symptoms associated with that should start to clear up as early as tomorrow if you are a responder. I'd give it at least three sessions as well, and you should figure out how much they are dosing you with.
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    I was so lonely and depressed and never had a girlfriend. I started crying regularly and losing hope in life. I had this idea that I should just buy a girlfriend by seeing an escort regularly. I went through every single advertisement in my area and thoroughly read all the profiles. I found a girl who looked like I had a lot in common with and decided I want that girl to be her. I met her and just kept seeing her regularly until I caught feelings and it was great. I finally got to experience a relationship. She gave me exactly what I wanted and I truly felt love for her. I always wanted to ask her out but never could. Even though I know she would have rejected me and it would have probably just made her uncomfortable and ruined our relationship, I wish I did. I really wanted to date her and would fantasize about our future together. I was starstruck by this girl. At some point I was able to accept just being her client and not actually dating her. It wasn't the ideal situation but it was better than nothing and I started to think life wasn't so bad. Eventually she left the industry unannounced and I never heard from her again. I cried to her pimp and a therapist about it. My heart had never been so broken. I lost my first love and she made herself uncontactable to me. I couldn't eat for weeks and it put me into a deep depression even worse than I had before I met her. That was over 2 years ago and I'm still not fully recovered. I was finally starting to think things weren't so bad and my heart got torn to pieces and my life shattered.
    dude thats sad AF. like, not the situation there but the negative thoughts that are ****ing dominating you right now. My psychhologist said "thoughts are just that...thoughts". They're not you, theyre something going over you like clouds go by. You can whisp them away and say begone th0t srs. trust me ive been to a dark place before, i get it. Im still trying to reinforce my new "identify negative thought, engage, and terminate said negative thought" habit, but sometimes im able to pull it off, and it is GREAT

    Also, dont fall in love with an escort, appreciate her for who/what she is but you dont need love from anyone but yourSELF im srs AF. if you love yourself, it doesnt matter what anyone thinks. ALSO, people will start to love you because youre the fkking man.
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    Originally Posted by DizzySmalls View Post
    Brother the effects you are looking for do not kick in that fast. The dissociation can have benefits if you know how to take insight from it but that's just the side show. You do the infusions for the physical changes that take place over the next 6-12 hours or so.

    Some people require multiple infusions before they notice anything but I felt it the next morning. You shouldn't need THAT many infusions though, that seems like a money grab. Which it is, they are legal dealers who charge you a high fee for their service of putting you in a room and administering something to you that you can't buy legally by yourself.

    EDIT: I misread, 6 total is normal. I read that as 18 total sessions

    Also, it has far less proven efficacy for social anxiety than for depression. Some people get a really big boost on that front, some don't. The depression and the physical symptoms associated with that should start to clear up as early as tomorrow if you are a responder. I'd give it at least three sessions as well, and you should figure out how much they are dosing you with.
    I feel like **** right now. Like super groggy like if I just woke up from a midday nap. Hopefully it works. I will probably do at least one more session maybe on Monday and I'll just call in sick to work.
    the fukking man
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    Originally Posted by y0l0sw4g69 View Post
    dude thats sad AF. like, not the situation there but the negative thoughts that are ****ing dominating you right now. My psychhologist said "thoughts are just that...thoughts". They're not you, theyre something going over you like clouds go by. You can whisp them away and say begone th0t srs. trust me ive been to a dark place before, i get it. Im still trying to reinforce my new "identify negative thought, engage, and terminate said negative thought" habit, but sometimes im able to pull it off, and it is GREAT

    Also, dont fall in love with an escort, appreciate her for who/what she is but you dont need love from anyone but yourSELF im srs AF. if you love yourself, it doesnt matter what anyone thinks. ALSO, people will start to love you because youre the fkking man.
    i agree 100% brother
    the fukking man
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    i agree 100% brother
    I'm also just having some depression right now...evening when you are at home and have time to think is the worst...letting you guys know and writing this so I can log my own progress. Whatever you are going through, speak about it here, we got your 6. We will fight this battle against weakness, depression, pain, whatever it is you are going through... and WIN.
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    Originally Posted by imbored21 View Post
    I feel like **** right now. Like super groggy like if I just woke up from a midday nap. Hopefully it works. I will probably do at least one more session maybe on Monday and I'll just call in sick to work.
    I mean that's normal to feel groggy and a bit out of sorts. Nausea not uncommon either. You should feel roughly similar to coming out of anesthesia after a surgery, as that is the primary medicinal use.

    If at all possible, get up tomorrow and do some cardio. Get plenty of sleep, don't eat anything unhealthy, and try to to brood on anything.
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    Im a piece of **** but hear me out
    So I have a girlfriend but im not physically attracted to her ever since we started living together for 2 months now
    lots of hot chicks in my college class and found one I thought was pretty cool
    We were going to have coffee one day but now she left me on read
    I feel bad about it, maybe she found out i have a gf or just inst interested
    the point is why do I feel bad about some random sloot when I have a girlfriend
    It makes me feel worse because I realize what a piece of **** boyfriend I am
    I feel sad that ive become this way, truly am ashamed
    Im also hurt because I develop feelings so fast for girls and just wish I had kept her as a friend instead
    Now its winter and everything feels dark and lonely
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    Originally Posted by Poodleman View Post
    Im a piece of **** but hear me out
    True. If you are going to be a POS, try to do it in ways that minimize the negative effects to other people.
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    still have bad fatigue. i drank coffee this morning and my body was superfast but i was still super tired and my mind was slow. still have social anxiety/depression as usual.
    the fukking man
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    hung out with my crush. feel like ****. I was nervous she was going to ask me personal questions like "what music do u like" or "what shows do u watch." Freaked me out so I just lied there and gave one word answers and was extremely low energy and boring. I think she thinks I'm bored of her and feels bad but I <3 her. Wish I could just interact normally with people and be open and honest and myself. Feel like crying but don't have the energy to. I don't really know where to go from here. I can't connect with people or even be myself. It sucks.
    the fukking man
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