[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

[DoUEvenDrift]

You'd think somewhere there would be a place where us bros with this issues like this could go live, have a tribal atmosphere, and where we could all help fix each others chit. Some place where we all have a hammock or thatched hut, build chit with our hands, and drink whiskey around the campfire.

Man i agree so much with this. i would leave so fast for a place like this if there was one... might actually feel like a sane person again for a while...

[eod8989]

story of my life the last few years. This post is sooo true on many levels. the feeling of solitude compared to years prior is so bad. It doesn't help either my bro moved from my area years ago thanks to a divorce (parents not his own)...

i noticed solitude combined with other stress like job crap and other stuff can be absolutely crippling to confidence and overall happiness.

I'm not kidding it feels like I'm locked in a cell by myself or something. The feeling of looking around day after day for someone to talk to for such a long period of time is insanity. Then you realize you're the only one who doesn't have anyone to talk to and it's even more ****ery. Like how can this be real?

[PisseninMisc]

I'm not kidding it feels like I'm locked in a cell by myself or something. The feeling of looking around day after day for someone to talk to for such a long period of time is insanity. Then you realize you're the only one who doesn't have anyone to talk to and it's even more ****ery. Like how can this be real?

I've seen you make this comment so many times. Here is your solution: take a 2 week vacation and go to adult camp. Tell everyone there your new year resolution was to meet a set of entirely new people. They'll think you're unique and exciting. Spend 2 week socializing with complete strangers, then come back home and use that knowledge to make new people.

Here's a random one I found (1st google result): https://www.campnocounselors.com

Do it *******. This is your solution, whether or not you choose to act on it is YOUR DECISION. My money is on you not trying it and immediately saying negative chit about this approach, go ahead surprise me. 100% srs comment.

[eod8989]

I've seen you make this comment so many times. Here is your solution: take a 2 week vacation and go to adult camp. Tell everyone there your new year resolution was to meet a set of entirely new people. They'll think you're unique and exciting. Spend 2 week socializing with complete strangers, then come back home and use that knowledge to make new people.

Here's a random one I found (1st google result): https://www.campnocounselors.com

Do it *******. This is your solution, whether or not you choose to act on it is YOUR DECISION. My money is on you not trying it and immediately saying negative chit about this approach, go ahead surprise me. 100% srs comment.

No I need to quit my job because it's pure *******ry. That's the only thing that is going to help me

[PisseninMisc]

No I need to quit my job because it's pure *******ry. That's the only thing that is going to help me

Do it brother. Find another job elsewhere, new city, gtfo and reinvent yourself. I don't care if you have family where you are now, your life is passing you by.

Quit that chit, take a long fukin vacation. Go find a new life and be who you want to be. You CAN do it. You've endured all these days of solitude, the pain of all these hours, minutes and seconds of loneliness for how long now? A lesser man would have folded by now but you're here talking about starting over.

Well, chit bro, DO IT *******.

[BigTimePlayer]

So to update the date went well. She was laughing a lot & some funny awkward things happened during it. For one I dropped my wallet near the end of the date after paying & she started laughing a lot. And since we were at a Sushi restaurant I had some extremely spicy food that I didn't know what it was before I had it. It made my eyes water real bad & had to spit some of it out. She laughed for literally like 2 minutes straight. She actually wants to see me again & texted me first after the date. And we're texting now. So it was a success & the things I didn't expect to happen probably helped me lol.

[faxanadu]

I'm not kidding it feels like I'm locked in a cell by myself or something. The feeling of looking around day after day for someone to talk to for such a long period of time is insanity. Then you realize you're the only one who doesn't have anyone to talk to and it's even more ****ery. Like how can this be real?

The problem with most people in our society today is that they don't really see or hear you. Everything you do and say is like filtered sound bites to them. Filtered as in... they aren't trying to listen to you from your perspective but from theirs. People that can listen to you, understand you, see through your own subconscious BS, and have real soul capturing dialogue .... that's a rarity. It's even worse in the work environment where most relationships are superficial and surface level. I've had more meaningful conversations in my travels with complete strangers than I've had with people back home that I've 'known' all my life.

It's pretty fuked up when we all can live in cities of millions of people and thanks to modern technology have instant communication ... YET ... we've never felt so isolated and alone in history.

[faxanadu]

I'm trying to get an IT job in Antarctica (srs). I'm trying to do whatever i can to get away from the environment I'm currently in. Sometimes you have to burn the boat to take the island.

[KilaByte]

I'm all alone in this

[axiom15]

I'm trying to get an IT job in Antarctica (srs). I'm trying to do whatever i can to get away from the environment I'm currently in. Sometimes you have to burn the boat to take the island.

True, left home and my life changed for the better. Went from no job, no money, no car, etc. To the complete opposite. It is nice, but

Depressed crew checking back in

Still feels like at any moment (regardless how good I'm doing) I can easily say **** this and kill myself. Depression is a weird thing.

[freuddcoco]

Dr. Sapolsky showing just how complicated depression is.



http://www.robertsapolskyrocks.com/depression.html

lol u think ima watch a lecture on a dude who studies baboon **** to measure levels of stress hormones

[DoUEvenDrift]

my sister got her first job, as a cashier in a fast food joint, proud of her. she's still in highschool. reminded me of when i was so "f*ck it whatever!" when I started as a young adult, job hopping from job to job. wasn't scared of whatever job it was. i just kept moving. now i'm just dead. too scared and depressed to make any move. part of it is that i already fukin worked my ass off for years. i broke my back and bended over so many times for so many companies.

saw this post in the last thread. This is so damn relatable...

[2RDEYE]

saw this post in the last thread. This is so damn relatable...

every year i'm in square one. it's like an endless cycle of suffering. even when i try to improve my life, i always end up back at square one. i think it's got a lot to do with depression goggles, which i just can't get out of. planning on trying anti-depressants long-term, maybe it'll really change my life, but seems really expensive.

withdrew from my college program couple hours ago. it's most likely the wrong decision. i ****ed up real bad i think. it just really messed with my mind. all the anxiety. back at square one again, i have no idea what the hell i'm doing again.

[wagtail]

Anyone had experience with Venlafaxine? Efexor?

[NotANun21]

So to update the date went well. She was laughing a lot & some funny awkward things happened during it. For one I dropped my wallet near the end of the date after paying & she started laughing a lot. And since we were at a Sushi restaurant I had some extremely spicy food that I didn't know what it was before I had it. It made my eyes water real bad & had to spit some of it out. She laughed for literally like 2 minutes straight. She actually wants to see me again & texted me first after the date. And we're texting now. So it was a success & the things I didn't expect to happen probably helped me lol.

Hey man I was waiting for you to tell us how it went

You get a chance to read my advice before or was it all you bro?

[VocelLoser]

Just regressed quite a bit tonight. I haven't done this in such a long time, but I just had a solid 1 hour session of talking to myself, pretending I was being interviewed by a shrink.

Ended up feeling like hanging myself by the end of it. Currently weighing the pros and cons of killing myself, though I know I have zero intentions (or the guts) to do so.

I honestly don't believe I can be fixed at this point, because the more I think about it the more I believe I'm not 'broken' - I just 'am'.

I've been having trouble recalling a lot of my past self, and I swear every 2 years it feels like my existence has reset and I'm starting off alive for the first time. There's tons of revelations I come back to, despite figuring it out years prior, and a lot of my convictions change/I completely forget a topic I had prior knowledge on. I find myself thinking a lot about how I don't seem to think, how most people don't seem to think and just do things instinctively, and how I don't act on instinct the way most people do. The way most people instinctively seek each other for companionship, the way dudes instinctively try and score tail, the way people instinctively talk to one another and actually get something out of the interaction. I get spoken to, and I don't feel closer to the person or even really pay attention to what they're saying. Following conversations is one of the hardest things to do for me. I seem to either black out while people are talking to me, or I can't understand what people are saying when they're talking to me enough to really follow the ebb and flow of conversation to add to it.

Realized quick that the things I want are also the things I get nothing out of. I want to feel normal and hang out with friends, do fun chit, and make memories with people and women, but I also find talking boring and tiresome (not in an introverted way, just in an 'I don't know how to talk to you and I'm feeling awkward about it' way) and can't stand the idea of maintaining relationships with 500 different people. I can't just talk to anybody because I don't know much about fuk all, I don't learn about fuk all because I don't have the means to experience chit (no car, no licence, no driving experience, no past experiences), I basically shut myself in and out of everyone I used to know's life from 15 to now, experiencing absolutely nothing in that 10 year timeframe except the pixels on my screen and my own self-loathing.

The most fuked up thing is people like me, and I sincerely don't know why. They say I'm a great person, and I don't know how they come to this conclusion. I get told by what little people I talk to that I'm fine and just in my own head, but I can't fukking see it for chit. It's like I need to be outside of my own body, observing my life like a sitcom before I'll ever be able to understand what people see in me, how I behave, and how I'm affecting those around me for them to want me in their lives.

I'm a mess, but it seems like that's me following my 'instinct'. It seems like that's what I'm meant to be, how I'm meant to live, and finding a point to life is getting harder and harder. I'm basically clinging onto both 'my family would be sad' and 'I'm too pussy to do it' as my reasoning for not offin' it.

[AfricanBrah]

So to update the date went well. She was laughing a lot & some funny awkward things happened during it. For one I dropped my wallet near the end of the date after paying & she started laughing a lot. And since we were at a Sushi restaurant I had some extremely spicy food that I didn't know what it was before I had it. It made my eyes water real bad & had to spit some of it out. She laughed for literally like 2 minutes straight. She actually wants to see me again & texted me first after the date. And we're texting now. So it was a success & the things I didn't expect to happen probably helped me lol.

Good work man, reminds me when I use to date, use texting as a platform to only meet her in person, and make sure you make a move.

[faxanadu]

Just regressed quite a bit tonight. I haven't done this in such a long time, but I just had a solid 1 hour session of talking to myself, pretending I was being interviewed by a shrink.

Ended up feeling like hanging myself by the end of it. Currently weighing the pros and cons of killing myself, though I know I have zero intentions (or the guts) to do so.

I honestly don't believe I can be fixed at this point, because the more I think about it the more I believe I'm not 'broken' - I just 'am'.

I've been having trouble recalling a lot of my past self, and I swear every 2 years it feels like my existence has reset and I'm starting off alive for the first time. There's tons of revelations I come back to, despite figuring it out years prior, and a lot of my convictions change/I completely forget a topic I had prior knowledge on. I find myself thinking a lot about how I don't seem to think, how most people don't seem to think and just do things instinctively, and how I don't act on instinct the way most people do. The way most people instinctively seek each other for companionship, the way dudes instinctively try and score tail, the way people instinctively talk to one another and actually get something out of the interaction. I get spoken to, and I don't feel closer to the person or even really pay attention to what they're saying. Following conversations is one of the hardest things to do for me. I seem to either black out while people are talking to me, or I can't understand what people are saying when they're talking to me enough to really follow the ebb and flow of conversation to add to it.

Realized quick that the things I want are also the things I get nothing out of. I want to feel normal and hang out with friends, do fun chit, and make memories with people and women, but I also find talking boring and tiresome (not in an introverted way, just in an 'I don't know how to talk to you and I'm feeling awkward about it' way) and can't stand the idea of maintaining relationships with 500 different people. I can't just talk to anybody because I don't know much about fuk all, I don't learn about fuk all because I don't have the means to experience chit (no car, no licence, no driving experience, no past experiences), I basically shut myself in and out of everyone I used to know's life from 15 to now, experiencing absolutely nothing in that 10 year timeframe except the pixels on my screen and my own self-loathing.

The most fuked up thing is people like me, and I sincerely don't know why. They say I'm a great person, and I don't know how they come to this conclusion. I get told by what little people I talk to that I'm fine and just in my own head, but I can't fukking see it for chit. It's like I need to be outside of my own body, observing my life like a sitcom before I'll ever be able to understand what people see in me, how I behave, and how I'm affecting those around me for them to want me in their lives.

I'm a mess, but it seems like that's me following my 'instinct'. It seems like that's what I'm meant to be, how I'm meant to live, and finding a point to life is getting harder and harder. I'm basically clinging onto both 'my family would be sad' and 'I'm too pussy to do it' as my reasoning for not offin' it.

"People are not their thoughts. They think they are, and it brings them all kinds of sadness." - The Peaceful Warrior

^^ I truly believe understanding the above concept is the first step towards inner peace.

[WSG1]

I feel like i'm just running in fuking circles with life. My birthday is in a week and every year around this same time, I fall into a deep depression. It started a week before my 24th bday and every year, I do absolutely nothing. I've been watching all my friends slowly distant themselves from me because they are all getting married and having kids and i really dont want that. These last few years have all been a blur.

I also hate my job with a passion, I hate just about everyone i work with. Its not even close to what i want to do, I was basically given the job by a friend who ended up quitting 3 months after i got in. Everyone is in their mid 30s to 50s and i just have a hard time connecting with them, I dont have nothing in common with anyone. I really miss the Taco Bell job i had when i was 20. I made absolutely jack**** for money but i made so many friends that i still talk to till this day, Met my ex gf there and my life was so amazing. It was so nice being around people my age.

I think the only way i'll ever get back on track with my life is if i just turned the clock back 6-7 years and start over from scratch. Get a retail job, Go to college, Try to make some new friends and go down a different path in life and see where it takes me because this chit im doing now just isnt working. Im gaining weight, I'm losing my motivation for everything that i used to do. I want to start lifting and have a social life again. So in a few months, I'm going to go for it.

[NotANun21]

Just regressed quite a bit tonight. I haven't done this in such a long time, but I just had a solid 1 hour session of talking to myself, pretending I was being interviewed by a shrink.
Ended up feeling like hanging myself by the end of it. Currently weighing the pros and cons of killing myself, though I know I have zero intentions (or the guts) to do so.
I honestly don't believe I can be fixed at this point

I do that with the talking to myself as if there's somebody there listening who can help even though there's nobody, and I relate to not having the guts too - the only reason I;'m still here is cos I don't have the balls to jump despite being stood out on the ledge more than once

I've been having trouble recalling a lot of my past self, and I swear every 2 years it feels like my existence has reset and I'm starting off alive for the first time. There's tons of revelations I come back to, despite figuring it out years prior, and a lot of my convictions change/I completely forget a topic I had prior knowledge on. I find myself thinking a lot about how I don't seem to think, how most people don't seem to think and just do things instinctively, and how I don't act on instinct the way most people do. The way most people instinctively seek each other for companionship, the way dudes instinctively try and score tail, the way people instinctively talk to one another and actually get something out of the interaction. I get spoken to, and I don't feel closer to the person or even really pay attention to what they're saying. Following conversations is one of the hardest things to do for me. I seem to either black out while people are talking to me, or I can't understand what people are saying when they're talking to me enough to really follow the ebb and flow of conversation to add to it.

The feeling different is something I relate to as well. I remember at one of my initial appointments when I was trying to get therapy I had to answer 12 questions/sections with detailed answers, and some stuff was just like "was there physical abuse in the home? have you abused drugs?" and things like that but one of them was "What do you want out of therapy?" and my answer was along the lines of "I just want someone to teach me how to be normal" as in I want somebody to teach me all the things that seem to come naturally to the people around me. My homelife and childhood growing up was fcked up, both my parents were alcoholics and druggies, the situation was completely dysfunctional and my mum's paranoia and anxiety had me growing up with a really skewed way of looking at the world and other people - and I never fit in in school, and I never fit in at college or at uni, I just couldn't relate to people who didn't grow up in complete dysfunction and disarray - and of course the ones that did didn't talk about it (including myself) because it becomes this big "secret" and so I just felt alone trying to pretend I was normal but people could tell. I just wanted basically to be told how other people think so in essence I could fake it better until the therapy was over and try to understand what about my childhood was weird and what everybody goes through as a kid.

I'm a mess, but it seems like that's me following my 'instinct'. It seems like that's what I'm meant to be, how I'm meant to live, and finding a point to life is getting harder and harder. I'm basically clinging onto both 'my family would be sad' and 'I'm too pussy to do it' as my reasoning for not offin' it.

If you are in a situation that is abnormal, the instincts you develop are a normal reaction to an abnormal situation... meaning you're following your instincts but you've been taught the wrong ones... like a kid that's been taught their colours or their shapes wrong, every other kid points to a blue triangle and you want to call it a red square... Seems right in your head until you realise nobodyu else thinks that... well changing your colours and shapes is piss easy because it's an objective thing right there on paper infront of you - but the complexities of the human mind? most people don't stand a chance of changing that without some serious help

[BigTimePlayer]

Hey man I was waiting for you to tell us how it went

You get a chance to read my advice before or was it all you bro?

lol I did read it but I just went with the flow of things. She was laughing a lot throughout & noticed her touching her hair a few times while talking to me. We hugged when we first met as well as at the end of the date. I was considering going for a kiss on the cheek than decided not to. She knew I was nervous & made jokes about it saying "I think I make you nervous". But she would be laughing. After it ended I had mixed thoughts about how she felt. I couldn't tell if she liked me or not yet until I got a text 15 minutes after the date to say thanks for dinner & that she had a nice time. She agreed that we should meet again sometime soon & we talked at night through text after the date was over a bit. As of now she's definitely into me from what I can tell. Not sure what type of date to do yet for a second date. I was considering seeing a movie since there's a movie coming out this weekend that she mentioned looks good awhile ago. Just with movie dates you really only can talk before & after it's over.

[BigTimePlayer]

Good work man, reminds me when I use to date, use texting as a platform to only meet her in person, and make sure you make a move.

Thanks. I think I'd feel much more comfortable after texting with someone for awhile than to just text for a day or two than meet up. It would make me way too nervous. I need to be talking to someone for at least like a week to feel comfortable with them.

[NotANun21]

lol I did read it but I just went with the flow of things. She was laughing a lot throughout & noticed her touching her hair a few times while talking to me. We hugged when we first met as well as at the end of the date. I was considering going for a kiss on the cheek than decided not to. She knew I was nervous & made jokes about it saying "I think I make you nervous". But she would be laughing. After it ended I had mixed thoughts about how she felt. I couldn't tell if she liked me or not yet until I got a text 15 minutes after the date to say thanks for dinner & that she had a nice time. She agreed that we should meet again sometime soon & we talked at night through text after the date was over a bit. As of now she's definitely into me from what I can tell. Not sure what type of date to do yet for a second date. I was considering seeing a movie since there's a movie coming out this weekend that she mentioned looks good awhile ago. Just with movie dates you really only can talk before & after it's over.

Try not to think of it as you have to go on dates, just go walk somewhere or hang out... if you like each other the environment doesn't matter brah

[AyMayne]

Realized quick that the things I want are also the things I get nothing out of. I want to feel normal and hang out with friends, do fun chit, and make memories with people and women, but I also find talking boring and tiresome (not in an introverted way, just in an 'I don't know how to talk to you and I'm feeling awkward about it' way) and can't stand the idea of maintaining relationships with 500 different people. I can't just talk to anybody because I don't know much about fuk all, I don't learn about fuk all because I don't have the means to experience chit (no car, no licence, no driving experience, no past experiences), I basically shut myself in and out of everyone I used to know's life from 15 to now, experiencing absolutely nothing in that 10 year timeframe except the pixels on my screen and my own self-loathing.

The most fuked up thing is people like me, and I sincerely don't know why. They say I'm a great person, and I don't know how they come to this conclusion. I get told by what little people I talk to that I'm fine and just in my own head, but I can't fukking see it for chit. It's like I need to be outside of my own body, observing my life like a sitcom before I'll ever be able to understand what people see in me, how I behave, and how I'm affecting those around me for them to want me in their lives.

I'm a mess, but it seems like that's me following my 'instinct'. It seems like that's what I'm meant to be, how I'm meant to live, and finding a point to life is getting harder and harder. I'm basically clinging onto both 'my family would be sad' and 'I'm too pussy to do it' as my reasoning for not offin' it.

(Wall of text incoming, i'm just really bored right now)

I know this feel. Had those same wishes too, of being normal and hanging out with friends and all that chit. I went all in on doing everything I could to acquire it and I did, to a further extent than I ever thought possible, and I thought my problems were over... Then it all went away after college and I realized it didn't really do anything to fill that feeling of emptiness inside me. It was nice, sure, and I'd rather feel empty with lots of friends than feel empty by myself, but that sort of thing was mostly a distraction from addressing whatever real issues I have deep down. I fell into a depression so deep I can't even really fathom it anymore (that's how far off the rails I was mentally), but while I wouldn't really say I'm depressed anymore (in the completely shutdown emotionally numb way), I'm still pretty consistently sad. Probably because I don't feel like I really belong in this world. I feel alone in a lot of ways and though I'm liked enough by some people and look just like everybody else, I still feel like a square peg in a round hole world. I suspect that similar feelings arise in celebs who, despite their fame and fortune, succumb to drug abuse and off themselves or OD.

Regarding the socializing, I'm the same way and my broscience theory is that it's because socializing is a skill and one we're not good at. Think about anything with a steep learning curve... You suck at the start and it's usually not enjoyable at all. It's also mentally exhausting and can feel like a chore at times because you have to put in conscious effort to do it since you haven't reached a level of "unconscious competence" (i.e. muscle memory) yet. Normies got this practice on a daily basis from a young age, when all they really had to worry about was socializing when not in class, and during their formative years when skills develop faster. I think a lot of people growing up with the internet are somewhat deprived of such skills, which is why even a lot of normies seem more timid than usual these days and think everything is "awkward" (lulz). My difficulties, in particular, are due to having to put effort into finding what to say, because I'm not skilled at thinking on my feet yet (as an example, people who do improv comedy or people who freestyle rap probably have a really well-developed verbal fluency/wit muscle).

I also question why some people like me. I've gotten better at dealing with this and I just accept it, even though I don't really fully understand why. But I've also been on the other side of things and cared really deeply for people who absolutely loathed themselves. Sometimes our self-image can be really distorted. Humans are by nature social animals so I don't think friendship is as complicated as we think... After all, we still have the same brains as our anatomically modern human ancestors of like 100k years ago, living in the wild, and for a while not even having written language, so it's probably enough to just be there and get along with someone and have a few shared experiences. And if people keep us around, it's probably for a reason, even if it doesn't make sense according to our distorted self-image.

I don't see life as particularly meaningful, but we're all going to die anyway and on a long enough timescale, what's a few decades? Relative to billions of years, a person dying now versus a person dying a few thousand years from now is practically the same instant. So we might as well stick around. It's pretty cool that by fluke our atoms arranged in such a way that we became conscious of our own existence, as a bunch of other intelligent species probably have elsewhere in the universe, and we get to experience the act of existing itself before the entirety of the universe ceases to exist one day. There's always little things to enjoy here and there to pass the time and make things bearable. Even something as minor as posting on Misc... How lulzy is it that by fluke some cells spontaneously mutated and gradually evolved into creatures that then became essentially hairless apes that were intelligent enough to find a way to post about the joys of eating angus via pixels on a screen from all over the globe?

I dunno, the way I see it, as long as you can find mild amusements here and there, it's worth sticking around. Personally I'm hyped for VR pr0n tech to become really good and reach the mainstream and I want to see futuristic chit.

[sean67]

I don't think I've ever felt more alone than I do today...

I just miss being in love, having somebody there most of the time that I could talk to even if it was only a quick text or a phonecall some days, somebody I could come home to and tell about my day. Somebody who's day I wanted to hear about and was personally invested in it to a certain degree so that if they were wronged and upset I wanted to help sort it out or be there to listen or if they'd had a good day I felt it too. Somebody to play a supportive role, and recieve the same support in return. I miss being able to be affectionate with somebody, I miss that touch that I didn't even know I needed before I met her like - http://i.imgur.com/Z4q5heq.png . I miss my dog too, my dog was there when she wasn't... his watch never ended I could wake my dog up any hour of the day or night, it doesn't matter to a dog his only job is to be the best companion he can possibly be he can catch up on lost sleep any time. When I was having a bad night I'd go sleep downstairs on the sofa with him while he slept on my legs, I have a lot of nightmares and he would wake me up from them licking my face and hands. I used to sit there for hours at a time talking to my dog, where as now I just look like a loon walking around the empty house shouting "WHY" and hitting walls and talking to myself trying to find answers that don't exist to questions that plague my head every day, it used to help to have somebody to bounce ideas off even if they couldn't talk back.

Hang in there! You are only 26! Adult life has only just begun! And the thought of having a family and real love should only be beginning now. Whatever happened prior, is only the first step. You must be true to yourself and focus on YOU! And once you are the best version of yourself, you will find the best person to supplement yourself. Be true and be you.

[DJGirth]

Fuark I need this,

No friends, no girlfriend, no social life, don't get invited to anything, I meet people but they have zero interest in pursuing a friendship or relationship, people never initiate text messages with me, still a virgin, wasted opportunities with girls, I feel people don't like me when they meet me, I'm pursuing a rewarding career but feel the odds are a bit against me in getting a job, tired of being seen as a menacing pitbull in society, tired of not having hobbies or interests, tired of being a loser, still live with my parents and I'm still willyfully following them to church etc. The healing process will start when I move out assuming I make it until then, but for now it's hard to cope. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, even some kids in Africa are happier than I am...because they aren't exposed to this standard and realize they have nothing to complain about...nothing comes from nothing....ex nihilo nihil fit.

id be your friend IRL srs. if you play heroes of the storm hit me up we can game it up my dude

[VocelLoser]

If you are in a situation that is abnormal, the instincts you develop are a normal reaction to an abnormal situation... meaning you're following your instincts but you've been taught the wrong ones... like a kid that's been taught their colours or their shapes wrong, every other kid points to a blue triangle and you want to call it a red square... Seems right in your head until you realise nobodyu else thinks that... well changing your colours and shapes is piss easy because it's an objective thing right there on paper infront of you - but the complexities of the human mind? most people don't stand a chance of changing that without some serious help

Too much real life. Repped on recharge.

(Wall of text incoming, i'm just really bored right now).

The fukked up thing is I used to be fairly normal growing up until I was abused (mentally, not physically). I may not remember a lot, but I do remember speaking a fair amount more than I do now. My only problem back then was I was really shy with strangers, whereas now I'm just disconnected as fuh from everyone, even people I know. Like, back then I could tell you why people liked me - I was funny, charming, other people thought I was cool so I just became cool to them as well, trendsetter, girls all thought I were cute, I were gifted in athletics and in chit like spelling so people assumed I were brilliant, and I've always had an edginess to me where other people were more wholesome.

Nowadays I guess it's just my values are different and because I'm not living up to my own expectations I'm now hyper-critical of myself or something, like before driving was no big deal as a kid so I never measured myself up to anything and now because I can't provide that service for myself or friends I'm not the same likable person somehow. And maybe I'm just looking for something that isn't there when speaking to people, like I'm meant to feel an almost physical connection with someone despite nobody actually experiencing this, or maybe it's just because I do nothing that I can't feel these things because there aren't other people around me 'enabling' me to do activities socially or some ****.

Or maybe I just torment myself from analyzing normality and feeling abnormal, whereas everyone else is too busy focusing on other chit to give this kind of thing a second thought.

I wish I could explain my thoughts better.

[sean67]

If anyone lives nearby the Los Angeles area in California, PM me or comment back. Im always down to make good friends and have a good time. Lets get out their boyos and have a good time.

[gloria7]

In.
Been there.

I skimmed through some posts and wish I had the time to respond to all of them, but since I read so many things that I've experienced myself, feel free to pm me about anything regarding the issue.

As a starter tho, I can't recommend enough that you guys check Mark Manson's-relatively new- book: The subtle art of not giving a ****.
Sounds simplistic, but there's so much more in this book than what the title suggests. It will change your perspective on everything. Give it a read

[wooosh3]

is a mod going to sticky this?