of life (ugh, what a douche)
Hi again LF section.
This is a continuation of my last log. It's a log/dear diary kind of thread so if most of it is uninteresting, I understand and am content with me being the only poster in here haha. I started it over because my last log was very depressing, and there's no guarantee that this one won't be, but I kind of just needed a fresh start.
Stats today 8/23/17
5'7
255 lbs
My last PR's recorded were:
Bench: 45x12, 65x8, 95x5, 115x3, 135x2, 145x2, 155x1, 165x1, 175x1
Squat: bwx12, 45x8, 85x8, 135x5, 165x4, 175x3, 185x2, 195x1, 205x2, 215x1, 225x1, 235x2
DL: 135x7, 165x 5, 185x5, 205x3, 225x2, 255x1, 265x1, 275x1, 285x1, 295x1, 305x1, 315x1
My goals by December 1st are:
Get below 200 lbs, or atleast hit 210
OHP: 135
Bench: 225
Squat: 315
DL: 405
I'll be running Ivysaur's Beginner 4-4-8 program (had much more fun with this for the short time I did it than with All Pro's)
As far as nutrition goes, I'll probably be experimenting mostly with Keto with a carb up day every couple of weeks. I'm thinking 1700 cals and then lower if the progress isn't moving fast enough for me. I'll need to find the balance between energy/getting strong, and cutting too much. I just know if I'm too drastic one way or another it'll be a bad time. Here I go.
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Thread: Hitting F5 on the keyboard
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08-23-2017, 10:05 AM #1
Hitting F5 on the keyboard
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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08-23-2017, 10:06 AM #2
Good stretching all around this morning. I'm so happy that I found out how to properly stretch the hip flexor. It emphasized just how tight they are, and the burn was real. I did a few pushups, arm circles, and dips using the edge of a storage trunk too to get my body back to moving around.
I also had a nice 13 minute meditation session. When i first learned to meditate around 2012 (because of the misc https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showt...hp?t=143525223), It took no more than 2 mins to quiet my mind down and to focus on my breath within about 2 weeks. Even though it could have been because I was taking Adder at the time, I find that it's gotten a lot harder and I can spend upwards of 10 mins just trying to relax. My body starts itching in random places sometimes, and my mind won't stop wandering. There was a time, I think I was about 3 months in, where I was riding the bus to work in Tampa and I just started smiling and looking out the window for no reason. It was weird, but I couldn't stop lol. Everything looked brighter outside, and I was overcome with happiness for about 5 minutes straight. I had gotten to work and immediately googled to see if it was related to meditation, and yup, many people had similar experiences. I'd love to experience that trippy feeling again. There's probably a drug out there that will make you experience that and more, but I want to do it the natty way.
This is the jam for the day. Haven't listened to this album in like a year and a half.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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08-24-2017, 02:01 PM #3
Good stretching today. Feels like I'm getting into the meat of where the problem is in my hip. It feels a lot different. I need a long pipe or broomstick to imitate a bar so that I can stretch it with proper form as if I were lifting. That's the real test.
I couldn't get comfortable enough this morning meditating, so I just let the million and one thoughts go on full blast. They always morph into some kind of HD movie lol. It's hard to describe really, but things shift and move and morph, shapes merge and separate, faces change... It sounds like some kind of schizophrenia, but it's not. I think I'm probably just imaginitive. They get so exciting at times that before I know it, 10 minutes have passed and I didn't do any real watching of my breath. My mind always feels a lot more free afterward and not clouded with this or that, though.
Can't get enough LP
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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08-25-2017, 09:14 AM #4
Feeling more limber day by day
An attorney at work had asked me to copy some 400 odd cd's for her into her pc a few months ago so that she can play them through the cloud. I listened to a few of her cd's as I was copying them naturally, but one song out of the hundreds of cd's stuck out to me.
The live version is much better
Lhasa de Sela has immediately shot up the list. It's a shame I didn't know about her sooner.Last edited by Alvarezzz; 08-25-2017 at 10:05 AM.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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09-16-2017, 01:35 PM #5
9/16/17
Finally got my membership back.
Bench: 45x10, 95x5, 115x3, 135x2, 145x4, 145x4, 145x4, 145x4
Squat: bwx8, 45x8, 135x5, 135x5, 185x4, 185x4, 185x4, 185x4
OHP: 45x7, 55x8, 55x8, 55x8, 55x8
Chinups: 130x6, 160x8, 160x8, 160x8
I was supposed to do AMRAP sets on bench and Squat, but i didn't want to overdo it. I'm thinking about buying a cheapo setup as I have a little bit of space for it and foregoing a gym membership altogether. I'm not going to lie, I almost quit halfway through. So many negative thoughts just hitting my head like bullets. I could feel everyone feeling my vibe around them, and reacting to it. I looked in the mirror and was horrified at how my face looked. That's why people were reacting to me weird, I looked like a goddamn serial killer. My eyes looked crazy. I powered through it and finished off strong with some chinups on the assist machine. Gonna weigh in tomorrow because I think i'm gonna grab a six pack tonight.
I'm trying to get my form back too. My hip is acting like a bitch again, but I'll break the mother fu**er this time if it goes full potato. I might get that from my father. He hated going to the dentist when his teeth were hurting him so instead, he'd just pull them out himself in the bathroom sink. He has about 6 teeth left that are really his... the rest are false lol.
Rode in a few Ubers today and now I can't get these songs out of my head. -_- (second one's pretty tight though)
Last edited by Alvarezzz; 09-16-2017 at 01:48 PM.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-02-2017, 11:02 AM #6
Going to my first Muay Thai class in a few minutes.. I know my cardio is absolutely terrible lol. But I've been laying off the drinking for some weeks and notice stairs aren't my enemy anymore. My goal is to learn the art as I've wanted to learn it since I was a little kid and more importantly for self defense. I can take a good ass whooping but I've never learned to give one back. Also to let off some steam. So many real things have been happening in the last couple of weeks, and I'm tired of just walking into my office and closing the door, keeping my mouth shut towards family and co workers, and letting people in general treat me as they please. If I would say half the chit I think, I'm pretty sure my teeth would be in the Hudson by now so I want to prepare for it because things have never been more real in my life than at this point. I know I've bitched a lot in the past, but this moment in life is crucial. Leaving in 15 mins. I'm nervous as fuk but also excited...
FUK!@!Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-02-2017, 04:10 PM #7
Way to get back at it. Repped
Why do I do this weightlifting thing for the last 34 years with all its ups and downs life has handed me? Because each time I came back stronger. NEVER GIVE UP. Gym life is about more than muscles getting bigger and weights going up. Its wisdom discipline dedication humility you name it.
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12-02-2017, 04:13 PM #8
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12-02-2017, 04:29 PM #9
Thanks man. Much appreciated.
What's up man.. It was a lot more technical than I was expecting which was a big plus. I was paired with mainly women and they were strong as hell haha. They sort of had to walk me through combinations a lot and I think one was frustrated because of that. She let loose on the pads practicing her switch kick toward the end lol.. It was a lot of fun but I am definitely going to put some work in shadow boxing and learning some combinations before signing up in two weeks. I learned how to throw a proper punch, a proper switch kick, keeping guard up, and that thai boxing pads are heavier than they look lol. I'll definitely be going back.Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-08-2017, 11:42 AM #10
My dad's being taken off of life support today. Fuk this chit. I love you dad, I hope you can be at peace now.
I don't want to cry anymore, I'm just trying to laugh until I can see him later next week. He loved life. He taught me how to change a car tire, how to check the oil, how to fix my bike, how to build things with my hand, and that hard work is a must. I didn't get to my position in mmy job through smarts.. I don't know chit. I got it because I work ****in hard and he taught me that. He had his flaws but he never let anyone tell him he wasn't worthy of something. I got my taste in music from him playing everything from rap to salsa and bachata to r&b growing up and blasting anything he wanted for the whole neighborhood to hear, and they would never call the police to complain because they just knew that that was Eddie, and he would do it as soon as they left anyway. He would hold a cookout in the summer and all the kids from the neighborhood would come around and get hot dofgs anad hamburgers but by midday he would be too drunk to stand so I took over the grill a lot of the time. I wish I would have had the grandkids he asked me for so they could have got to meet him. He was a hardass and would freely admit that he liked money better than anything in this world, but he was a good person at the end of the day. I will always keep him with me.Last edited by Alvarezzz; 12-08-2017 at 12:17 PM.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-08-2017, 01:08 PM #11
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12-08-2017, 02:21 PM #12
Thank you man. I can't read or hear anybody say they love e right now lol or I break down and start crying. I honestly don't know what to do, I might or might not go see my sister tomorrow. Me and all of my sisters have been talking all day and trying to just crack each other up, but when i hang up the phone or the music stops or it's silent in the room I deel like i'm losing control and I'm going to rip the walls off. It might be the jack daniels though. This puts so much into perspective. Thank you bro
Reading funny chit on the misc definitely helpsKeep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-08-2017, 07:41 PM #13
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Remember all the good times. Keep going to fight classes drinking is a temporary solution but can get out of hand fast.
Be safe man!~ ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE ~
Journey to 405+ bench and beyond! - https://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=176215051
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAmJ5mQ0uD8&t=1s
^^ Completed 1/5/22
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12-09-2017, 04:17 AM #14
Thank you bro.. I was planning on going to check out a new trial class today at noon, but I read the first sentence of your post and started fukking crying again. I don't want to be holding pads for someone and start breaking down and have it be extremely awkward. I've been shadow boxing and working on my form/combos, doing jumping jacks and pushups etc... in the mornings so I'll do some of those but this JD is calling my name. **** bro.. this sucks
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-09-2017, 09:42 PM #15
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12-09-2017, 10:14 PM #16
I think I'm ok now. I don't have anymore crying in me and I spoke to him for the last time via my sisters and facetime. I'm headed down there to FL later this week. This whole thing has been such a huge wake up call.. Every time I think about him telling me I have to come down and see him before the year is over I would say "Yea, I'll be down there dad don't worry. I'm coming down for christmas." I think he knew that he didn't have much time left. So much small chit, I don't give a fuk about anymore.
I drank all day yesterday and today, and I fell down my stairs and hurt my damn shoulder. Such bull ****. I'm headed into work tomorrow because no one will be there and I have a lot of chit I need to get done. Rather be up and about than sitting around and moping.Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-10-2017, 01:21 PM #17
For my pops.. He used to play this song all the time growing up. He used to tell people to kiss his black ass even though he looked like a short mexican. I'm taking off work tomorrow even though i have a meeting I've been putting off. My IT manager and Director of Operations understand though. I started crying again randomly.. I wish i knew how to handle emotions better.
And Celia Cruz.. Every Saturday morning we'd wake up to this blasting and we knew it was time to clean the house
My shoulder is fukked up. I can't even lift it without pain.. I'm pretty sure I tore a ligament. That fall was nasty.
I'm bummed because all I've wanted to do was go back to muay thai class, it was fun and I've been working my form shadow boxing. I plan on picking up a standing punching bag and practicing on it. I should go to the doc but that deductible tho...Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-10-2017, 01:38 PM #18
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12-10-2017, 04:39 PM #19
Thank you brother and i'm truly sorry to hear about all of your losses. My sisters and I were laughing today about something my father did. Anytime someone would start telling a sob story, he would take out his imaginary violin and start playing a tune. He did it constantly and would piss people off so bad, especially my mother who is on the dramatic side. I'm definitely looking at the valuable lessons he taught instead of everything I think he did wrong. He was a very positive person who was content in hanging out in his shorts with no shirt/big belly hanging out on a Saturday after the house was clean and watching t.v while us kids were in and out of the house running and playing. My sisters always say they can't tell our voice apart, and certain mannerisms that he did with his mouth or the way he sat, I just automatically do, and my sisters always laugh about it. I just hope that if i were to ever have kids, i could be half the father he was, and I'll always tell them stories about him.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-12-2017, 02:19 AM #20
I think it's time I start logging my food intake. These past few days I've wrecked my body with the amount of cheap whiskey and Brandy I've drank and ice cream and cookies and anything I could fit in my fat balloon face from the key food down the street.
I lose the most weight the fastest and feel the best on a keto diet, but am reading up on a paleo diet instead because i want to have the most energy possible for MT. My shoulder is feeling better so it might just be exacerbated tendinitis. It still hurts when I stretch or move it at all, but I have strength in it and can push/pull, it just hurts when I do.
The good thing about NYC is that you most likely have to take the train places and when you have to walk up the subway stairs constantly, you'll immediately know that you're heading into a bad spot health-wise. What I've noticed with myself is that I can't get moving and lose weight just to lose it and be healthy.. there has to be a reason I do it. My main reason right now is MT and anxiety relief. Instead of letting the anxiety and negative thoughts take over, I get up and move. I shadowbox and practice breathing and form, I pace, I do something. I've also made a band and design for a hoodie which most people will probably find extremely douchey and cringey but ah well what are you gonna do.. I haven't gotten the hoodie made yet, but I have the design done and will most likely submit to be made at the end of this week.
Here's the silicone band:
Spoiler!
Spoiler!
And here's my mug as of yesterday. I want to take some fat off of it (with a carving knife):
Spoiler!Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-12-2017, 03:17 PM #21
Random thought.. I'm going to beat every personality flaw out of myself or die trying.
Small and achievable goals and being true to yourself in your intent is so important. I'm a sneaky little fukking ******* because I'm afraid of everything.. Passive aggression is not a good thing in anyone and I HATE it in everyone else, so why do I do it? I don't know but little by little I'm ripping myself open and fixing things that are holding me back in being happy and bringing other people happiness. It's so hard because my mind adapts to everything I try to throw at it to make myself better and I've always felt this way, I just figured I would grow out of this. But it's way deeper than that, it s a personality/core/foundation thing. You might look at me like a nice person, but interact with me enough, and you will see what i mean.Last edited by Alvarezzz; 12-12-2017 at 05:04 PM.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-12-2017, 03:24 PM #22
Breakfast/lunch:
-two flour tortillas
-4 eggs
-1 cup of shredded parmesan cheese
-two potspoonfulls of 80% lean ground beef cooked
1 pint of Hennessey (can't believe I went to go buy more liquor. I thought I was over this)
Probably won't eat anything else for the day. When i write it out, I'm more fukked than I thought. *sigh*Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-20-2017, 12:46 PM #23
Checking in at 258 lbs! Not good.
What's weird is that I'm running/skipping all over the place and feel very flexible and light on my feet. I run up the subway stairs and don't blow hard like I did a week or two ago. I'm hitting the standing heavy bag that I bought every morning and night, practicing technique and form, it's fun. I haven't been back to a class because my trip to Florida took all of my funds because of a mis-charge. Instead I just pin down technique from some great fighters and try to understand why they do it and emulate their movements.
I danced for the first time in a long time yesterday morning (I promise I'm not as bad as one would think). It was to this song:
Felt good and my body felt nice and free.. This used to be a big part of my cardio when I was a teenager when I really started to become a reclusive, paranoid nutjob. It felt weird at first but when certain music hits you, you have no choice but to move.
This is me as of today:
Spoiler!
I know I have a long way to go to get to even 1/3 of where I used to be, but for some damn reason I haven't given up yet.Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-20-2017, 01:07 PM #24
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12-20-2017, 01:21 PM #25
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12-27-2017, 02:40 PM #26
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12-27-2017, 02:46 PM #27
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12-27-2017, 04:05 PM #28
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12-28-2017, 05:01 AM #29
fukking low battery:
Spoiler!
Praise gawd. Have to pick up a battery after work today
lol, I'm just a sad, depressing, tedious motha ****a.I don't know how people stand me on a daily basis.. I wish someone would knock my teeth down my throat already
How can someone so self aware be so resistant to change?Last edited by Alvarezzz; 12-28-2017 at 06:31 AM.
Keep the srs tag sacred crew
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12-29-2017, 08:39 AM #30
No video today brah.
257.6 this morning, which is ok considering the amount of henney and guiness i drank over the xmas weekend. Headed to the gym tomorrow to start up again and keep strength while i wait for MT class to start up mid january. Something doesnt want me to give up.. or shove razors in my assKeep the srs tag sacred crew
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