Pondus_levo's dating log and general relationship advice/chat

[RauryL]

Sent him a text this morning and he wants to go. Now we have to decide who's driving, since it's a few hours away. Making some progress.

It's really admirable that you took the initiative to extend the invite, and I'm glad to hear he was receptive of it. Old genderized thinking would have some women out there thinking that only the guy should propose the plans. I hate that way of thinking. If you want to do something with someone, who cares if the guy or girl asks first? Not I, just as long as everyone is enjoying their time together in the end.

[DanielleGreen]

It's really admirable that you took the initiative to extend the invite, and I'm glad to hear he was receptive of it. Old genderized thinking would have some women out there thinking that only the guy should propose the plans. I hate that way of thinking. If you want to do something with someone, who cares if the guy or girl asks first? Not I, just as long as everyone is enjoying their time together in the end.

I'm listening to some of the advice around here and trying. I'm not an alpha female though.. If I can take the initiative at work, then I can apply it to my "dating" life.

[pondus_levo]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I read them all, just not going to quote them. Very good points. My strongest skill is being able to recognize patterns with very little data. I've gone out with so many women now now over the past year (30+?), the lines are starting to get a bit blurry. Like, I may have seen a pattern with one woman 5+ times, so I only need to see it once in another woman. Maybe that's not how I should be approaching things. The women I dated early on were definitely given much more leniency than I am giving to women now, and I guess that's not really fair. I suppose I should be giving every woman a clean slate, even if my "spidey sense" is triggered early on.

Another thing I've noticed I do differently now, than 12 months ago, is that I stopped texting so much. I have excellent text game and I'm not laying down as much ground work as I was before. I was definitely having better results utilize text.

In. I have recently been on a big self help kick wince breaking up with my ex a few months back that has been beneficial, and now I want to focus on building confidence before I head back to university. One way I have been doing so is approaching at bars and clubs, however I seem to be struggling in my ability to set up dates with the girls I interact with. I'm here for any advice and tips on building social circles/relationships as I intend to be doing a lot of this when I return to studying.

How far do you get with the women you approach. Are you getting their numbers?

Use guys to build your social circle. Make friends when you go out. Get their numbers and just start making plans. There will be times I'll be out where my normal circle of friends playing pool and I'll play someone that I've never seen before and get to talking and at some point I'll just, "Say, yeah I'm usually here on x and x, give me your number and I'll give you a heads up next time if you want to play more." or they might mention the place they normally go to and I'll say something like, "Yeah I really need to check that place out," and they will ask for my number and offer to let me know when they will be their next.

Quite honestly, this is the same approach I take with women. I just talk to them like I would any other guy, but maybe with just a little more teasing and wit, and then if things seem to be going well I'll just throw out that we should hang out sometime and most of the time they give me their numbers.

been hanging out with my girl, my birthday is coming up at the end of this month and I want to go parasailing. I want her to go with me.

Ended up getting laid again last night. It was so fuking good exploring her body kissing every part of it. I woke up to Starbucks but I got sick earlier today

I lack the experience in everything but so far I am doing pretty d*mn good. I am actually impressed with myself and that hardly ever happens. I am doing whatever scares me, facing my fears and letting go of the past. Every day is a good day, another opportunity to go for what you have always wanted to do.

I'm really happy and proud of you. Just keep going with the flow.

Bolded: It shouldn't have taken success with a woman to realize this. It was always inside of you, which is what I have been trying to tell you. I hope you now realize that you could have had this mentality this entire time and can continue to have it, even if for some reason your relationship does not work out.

In.


Is this before or after going out on at least one date?

If I haven't met up with her yet, I'm usually more persistent since the girl's still feeling you out/probably has other options.

But if we've been out on date(s) and I'm sensing a low interest level, I'm not gonna chase.

More than one date. I'm not very aggressive at all. I expect a woman to show me at least as much interest as I am showing her and I do the same. It's very possible that I am missing out on some of these women because other guys are much more aggressive, but I refused to compete for attention. If she doesn't think I am her best option, I'd rather not be an option at all.

blew a hole in a my "CHAD" theory, or maybe she wants to settle down with someone who knows won't leave her.

I've told you 100 times it's not because of chad. It's also not because she wants to settle with someone that she thinks is below her. That's not how the human psyche works. People don't actually settle, they just realize their expectations have been much too high and finally evaluate what is truly important to them. When they think they found it, the hang on to it.

Still nc ,wtf is going on ,should I respond or keep nc?

Don't take her back. She 100% crossed a line and cannot be trusted.

Invited a guy I like to a festival this weekend, hopefully he wants to go. I really want to make a move, but I'm scared as Fcuk. YOLO Crew.

What are you scared of? What is making a move to you?

Update:

Teacher has not texted me back. I don't think she will. She will forever be in my spank bank though, lol. (gawd her body was so nice for a 40 year old. giggity)

The other woman did get back to me and asked me to call because she was starting to drive down to Southern CA to visit family. We were only able to talk for about 10 minutes, but even with that, I'm still unsure about her interest level. I guess we will see once she gets back.

PS for you guys that think height matters. Both of these above women are as tall as me and they both always wear wedges and heals.

[Luc1fer]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I read them all, just not going to quote them. Very good points. My strongest skill is being able to recognize patterns with very little data. I've gone out with so many women now now over the past year (30+?), the lines are starting to get a bit blurry.

Wtf, that many women and not one worth a LTR... at what point do you change your strategy to meet new women? Have most of them been online?

[DanielleGreen]

What are you scared of? What is making a move to you?

Scared of getting my feelings hurt and being embarrassed. We have mutual friends. I kinda just want to tell him, "hey I like you.." Maybe a kiss at the end of the night...

[MiscInformed]

What are you scared of? What is making a move to you?

Scared of getting my feelings hurt and being embarrassed. We have mutual friends. I kinda just want to tell him, "hey I like you.." Maybe a kiss at the end of the night...

Embarrassment is something you grow out of as you get older. Nobody is watching. Steal a kiss from him during the date if he doesn't make a move. It can be done coyly. Don't wait until the end of the date. By then, the tension/awkwardness might be too much.

You only live once (unless you're a zombie/vampire), so Carpe Diem!

[DanielleGreen]

Embarrassment is something you grow out of as you get older. Nobody is watching. Steal a kiss from him during the date if he doesn't make a move. It can be done coyly. Don't wait until the end of the date. By then, the tension/awkwardness might be too much.

You only live once (unless you're a zombie/vampire), so Carpe Diem!

I'll have to pound a few drinks before. I overthink everything.

[awilll]

What're your thoughts on double texting?

Went on a tinder date with this girl. It went well and she even texted me after saying we should hang again and brought up going on a bike ride or a walk with her dog. I texted her a few days later asking about her weekend, thinking I'd segue the convo into making concrete plans. She didn't respond

Wat do?

[BlackScorpio91]

What're your thoughts on double texting?

Went on a tinder date with this girl. It went well and she even texted me after saying we should hang again and brought up going on a bike ride or a walk with her dog. I texted her a few days later asking about her weekend, thinking I'd segue the convo into making concrete plans. She didn't respond

Wat do?

How long has it been since she responded?

[pondus_levo]

Wtf, that many women and not one worth a LTR... at what point do you change your strategy to meet new women? Have most of them been online?

I don't trust women and none of them ever gave the feeling that I could let my guard down and just go for it. I'm not dating to get into a relationship. I'm dating to find the right match and so far I have not found it. If the stars align perfectly and it happens, great. Until then... I will not get attached. I will not let my guard down. I will not chase. I will not be controlled by the fear of loss.

What are you scared of? What is making a move to you?

Scared of getting my feelings hurt and being embarrassed. We have mutual friends. I kinda just want to tell him, "hey I like you.." Maybe a kiss at the end of the night...

You don't have to force it. It will happen naturally if there is something there... at least it should.

You initiating and inviting him places IS you telling him that you like him. So if the date goes good and you want a kiss all you should have to do is lean in.

[DanielleGreen]

I don't trust women and none of them ever gave the feeling that I could let my guard down and just go for it. I'm not dating to get into a relationship. I'm dating to find the right match and so far I have not found it. If the stars align perfectly and it happens, great. Until then... I will not get attached. I will not let my guard down. I will not chase. I will not be controlled by the fear of loss.



You don't have to force it. It will happen naturally if there is something there... at least it should.

You initiating and inviting him places IS you telling him that you like him. So if the date goes good and you want a kiss all you should have to do is lean in.

Dude I like is nervous wreck that over thinks everything like me. And yeah I will try to be natural.

[DanielleGreen]

Update..
Sooo he kinda chickened out in going. So I'm sitting on my couch with a beer in hand and bowl full of w**d. It's gonna be a great Friday evening!

[yokeybear]

been dating 6 months
-month in, she met guy behind my back,(friend seen them walking around said that they did nothin ) she lied to me that hes gay, i didnt give **** cuz we just started dating and I were meeting others too,wernt really exclusive
-5 month later,she started working new job,the same guy works there
-starts flirting in messages says she misses him,but she has boyfriend ,yet she wana remain friends.
-i get mad and kick her out
-NC for week, shes asking for another chance,saying she loves me blah blah hes just a friend,been crying for whole week
-that dude messeged me asking to talk with her and said he doesnt want nothin wtf lol?

Still nc ,wtf is going on ,should I respond or keep nc?

NC. Distance yourself from that relationship, it's going nowhere.

strong this ^^

[yokeybear]

Update..
Sooo he kinda chickened out in going. So I'm sitting on my couch with a beer in hand and bowl full of w**d. It's gonna be a great Friday evening!

ill come smoke with you

[yokeybear]

also pondus, i compiled all your lessons years ago and have kept them on my phone's notes for when ever I feel the need to read them. thnx m8

[stu4rt]

Just wondering. Is nudge a way to get attention?

[joshewah17]

Update..
Sooo he kinda chickened out in going. So I'm sitting on my couch with a beer in hand and bowl full of w**d. It's gonna be a great Friday evening!

Sorry to hear that... still I find it incredibly admirable and awesome that you put yourself out there. Not many women do. Oh well. His loss.
Pass some of that bud over here

[joshewah17]

I don't trust women and none of them ever gave the feeling that I could let my guard down and just go for it. I'm not dating to get into a relationship. I'm dating to find the right match and so far I have not found it. If the stars align perfectly and it happens, great. Until then... I will not get attached. I will not let my guard down. I will not chase. I will not be controlled by the fear of loss.

This section is great because it captures my exact attitude when it comes to dating. Repped

[awilll]

Last Thursday night after we hung out. Texted her again Monday and she didn't respond. Also think her bday was this week so she was probably busy with festivities but that's not really an excuse

[DanielleGreen]

ill come smoke with you

Thanks! Glad NV is joining in...

[DanielleGreen]

Sorry to hear that... still I find it incredibly admirable and awesome that you put yourself out there. Not many women do. Oh well. His loss.
Pass some of that bud over here

I'm trying ya know. As I have always said dating, relationships, friendships, jobs, etc is a two way street.
Puff, puff, pass

[BetaThanU]

Update..
Sooo he kinda chickened out in going. So I'm sitting on my couch with a beer in hand and bowl full of w**d. It's gonna be a great Friday evening!

What do you mean he chickened out? He flaked or he was scared?

[BetaThanU]

The rejection or disappearing doesn't bother me. Like I said, there are more than enough options out there. I'm just wondering if I am letting things go to easily. I vowed that after my ex-wife I would never be the one holding a relationship together. I am so fearful of a one sided relationship now, that if I feel that its even 49/51, I start to shut down. If she does not respond to even one text. I'm done. I simply will not chase. I'm wondering if I am being too extreme.

If sense there is a lack of interest, she doesn't do anything to show me otherwise, thus validated, so I stop trying, but then there are times when way down the road they ask WTF happened? As if I was the one that ghosted them or was the one that showed a lack of interest. Without solid closure, one never knows. So, is it worth the effort to always get that closure? Am I missing opportunities?



He's probably married with a kid on the way by now. LOL.

I know I've cut women off 'too soon' also.
But I have principles that I stick by which is more important than trying to pick up every scrap of opportunity.

[DanielleGreen]

What do you mean he chickened out? He flaked or he was scared?

Well I don't want to give out too much information, but he didn't want to drive. The thing is I have to drive all the time when we meet up for something. I just think that he really didn't want to go nor hangout with me. A few months ago he was blowing up my phone and I was responsive. Now he's cold. IDK man... I just don't get how can a guy go from hot to cold in such a short amount of time.

[BetaThanU]

Well I don't want to give out too much information, but he didn't want to drive. The thing is I have to drive all the time when we meet up for something. I just think that he really didn't want to go nor hangout with me. A few months ago he was blowing up my phone and I was responsive. Now he's cold. IDK man... I just don't get how can a guy go from hot to cold in such a short amount of time.

sounds like he will hang out if you do all the work. So probably a guy who can wrap women around his fingers and doesn't have to put in the effort much.

(You have a little idea what dating is like for men now, welcome)

[DanielleGreen]

sounds like he will hang out if you do all the work. So probably a guy who can wrap women around his fingers and doesn't have to put in the effort much.

(You have a little idea what dating is like for men now, welcome)

I've always know that dating is hard for both genders. The misc says it's easy for women, but it's not if you are looking for a relationship. It is easy to find meaningless sex.
The entire time I was in college I struggled with friendships and relationships. It seemed like everyone just wanted to have fun and not get into serious relationships. My own parents said that "you're too young for a BF, focus on school.." I did that and now it still seems like people just want to fcuk around and not take anything serious.

[BetaThanU]

I've always know that dating is hard for both genders. The misc says it's easy for women, but it's not if you are looking for a relationship. It is easy to find meaningless sex.
The entire time I was in college I struggled with friendships and relationships. It seemed like everyone just wanted to have fun and not get into serious relationships. My own parents said that "you're too young for a BF, focus on school.." I did that and now it still seems like people just want to fcuk around and not take anything serious.

It's the catch 22. Girls want a guy with options. But a guy with options is very hard to get because he has options.
Atleast getting sex easily is better than getting neither easily.

[pondus_levo]

I know I've cut women off 'too soon' also.
But I have principles that I stick by which is more important than trying to pick up every scrap of opportunity.

Yeah. I think I'm just getting the point where I've gone out with so many women, I'm starting to question if I am doing something wrong. IE giving up too early or possibly even something else. Just trying to make sense of it.

Well I don't want to give out too much information, but he didn't want to drive. The thing is I have to drive all the time when we meet up for something. I just think that he really didn't want to go nor hangout with me. A few months ago he was blowing up my phone and I was responsive. Now he's cold. IDK man... I just don't get how can a guy go from hot to cold in such a short amount of time.

Didn't want to drive. The ONLY time I have ever given that excuse is because I was not interested enough to put in the effort. So, there's your answer.

I've always know that dating is hard for both genders. The misc says it's easy for women, but it's not if you are looking for a relationship. It is easy to find meaningless sex.
The entire time I was in college I struggled with friendships and relationships. It seemed like everyone just wanted to have fun and not get into serious relationships. My own parents said that "you're too young for a BF, focus on school.." I did that and now it still seems like people just want to fcuk around and not take anything serious.

It is hard for both sides. Most of the women I go out with really have noting good to say about the men they have been dating. I don't really have all that much good to say either. I don't really have any bad experiences, it's just not working out. One thing is true though, as soon as they do find that person they feel good about, they will get into a relationship.

Update:

So the teacher did end up texting me back last night. Had some small chat and then she just stopped responding and then nothing today so, yeah. I'll stick with my gut. lol.

Ironically two women msged me on tinder today, so we'll see how that progresses.

Just finished getting ready to go out tonight with my date. Gonna hit up a couple whiskey bars and then maybe go dancing.

[Luc1fer]

I've always know that dating is hard for both genders. The misc says it's easy for women, but it's not if you are looking for a relationship. It is easy to find meaningless sex.
The entire time I was in college I struggled with friendships and relationships. It seemed like everyone just wanted to have fun and not get into serious relationships. My own parents said that "you're too young for a BF, focus on school.." I did that and now it still seems like people just want to fcuk around and not take anything serious.

I think you'll notice that most male posters in this section do not want to just fcuk around - you'll have better luck with guys age 30+.

Also, the guy that bailed isn't interested - move on. And if he bailed at the last minute, don't tolerate that disrespect and meet him again.

[DanielleGreen]

It's the catch 22. Girls want a guy with options. But a guy with options is very hard to get because he has options.
Atleast getting sex easily is better than getting neither easily.

I'm a little strange, but I prefer a guy that doesn't have a lot of options. I rather go for the dork than the football star, does that make sense? Men value beauty in women and I don't have that, so what's the point of me chasing the star athlete? I make up my low value in face for other things (working out, having a well paying job, etc). The men I have chased are still single according ******** years later, some have gained more weight, some still lives with their parents, etc. At this point WTF I do?