Pregnancy journal

[okayest]

Well I finally got a workout routine finished and don't mind sharing it since it isn't one I paid for. I made it possible to do in my living room rather than my gym. I also realized that with my new and totally different sleep routine (waking up earlier, getting 2 hours less sleep) that I have to work out earlier in the day because after 1 I'm done doing things. I definitely am not able to workout at 4pm like I used to.

Circuit 1-3x
Sumo squat with Pulse (15-20)
Upright row (15-20)
Reverse Lunge with Curl and Press combo (12-15es)
Bent over Fly (15-20)

Circuit 2- 3x
Single arm snatch (12-15es)
Single arm row (15es)
Step ups (15-20es)
DB pullover with Bench Press combo (12-15)

Circuit 3- 3x
DB Ice skaters with twist (12-15es)
Circle press (15-20)
Squat Shoulder Press combo (15-20)
Sitting band rows (15-20)

Circuit 4- 4x
Skier swing (60 secs/0 rest)
ss w/Seated mini-band abductions (60 secs/0 rest)

Circuit 5- 4xMini-band donkey kicks (60 secs/0 rest)
ss w/frog thrusts (60 secs/0 rest)


Mentally I'm not doing great. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly because it is several things. Reality of life changing forever is hitting. Lack of exercise usually makes me feel a bit down too. Fear of labor possibly going a way I really do not want it to go. Simply being physically uncomfortable very often. Lack of sleep. I stopped feeling like I look cute, even my pregnancy clothes sometimes have that stomach gap. I had to cut out social time for weeks. It's all a culmination of things that have to change and will soon pass but it is still a funk I have to get myself out of.

And ****. I just remembered I have to deliver something ASAP across town.

[okayest]

Didn't get a workout in today which is lame because all I committed to was one round of each circuit. I worked all day and finally had lunch past 4 pm. So I let it slip that I should have worked out earlier. I did carry a bunch of 5 lb plates downstairs and out to the gym and then carried 103 pounds of dumbbells inside. So something got accomplished at least.

Nutrition was excellent. Potatoes as carb sources are both delicious and an easy way to get a ton of potassium in.

Breakfast: eggs with a mountain of white potatoes, pepper and onions cooked in butter, a banana with almond butter
Lunch: sweet potatoes, yogurt with all-bran original and chocolate chips
Dinner: chicken, lettuce, caesar dressing and croutons

[okayest]

I cut the BS today and got a workout in. Finally! It didn't happen until 7 and I still had work to do but I was honest that the work could wait an hour. And the reason I moved DBs into the house and made a routine that didn't need the rack, bench or bars was so when it's dark, cold and late I wouldn't have to workout in the garage alone. There were no excuses left and it's actually something I love doing. I think I was feeling so obligated to do so much in the past month that I was seeing it as "needing" to exercise and missing the point of "wanting" to exercise. Attitude is everything.

My husband and I grabbed brunch after a mid-morning appointment today. And it was another day where I didn't get around to eating "lunch" until 4-5.

Brunch: cheese and beef quesadilla with sour cream, avocado and salsa, a large chocolate chip pancake
Lunch: mozzarella with tomato and balsamic, oat bran with speculoos butter

Not great nutrition today but I enjoyed everything immensely.


Just some bitching. My instagram has been suggesting keto dieters accounts for some reason. I've never been a fan of keto and what I've learned by seeing what these people eat and their progress has proven my feelings right. 95% of people doing keto are basically on the meat and dairy diet. At best a cup of vegetables thrown in here and there and drowned in dairy fat. And it seems like a great diet for going from morbidly obese to obese. Maybe even achieve overweight. Again, 95% of these dieters don't seem aware that calories matter.
The grossest things I've seen are the Beef and Butter Fast. It is exactly what it sounds like. Days of eating fatty beef topped with butter. And people aren't even doing this in a delicious was like cooking steak in browned butter. It was ground beef topped with cold pats of butter. Gross and not a good way to lose weight. Adding a side of vegetables isn't going to stop weight loss but people will find a way to avoid eating responsibility however they can. The other thing that sent me into rant mode was a snack or meal of an ENTIRE wheel of melted brie and a pile of bacon to use as "crackers" for the brie. It was from a woman trying to lose weight. That is an entire cutting diet calories in one sitting!

[okayest]

No workouts since the last update. I have been keeping busy though. Still have lots to do and as of today I am considered full term! 37 weeks.

The past three days I've had appointments and tonight I had a holiday party. One of the appointments was the OBGYN. Last ultrasound unless I go past due. They estimate him at 5.75 pounds and he is in a great birthing position with his head right up against my cervix. I've been feeling the pressure from his head pushing for the past week and didn't need an ultrasound to figure that out.

We did see his face on the ultrasound and he has gotten so fat. Much bigger cheeks. He's ready to be born!

That's it for now.

[okayest]

Still no workout. It's the thought of being out of breath for the entire thing that is preventing me. I might say screw it and cut out most of the lower body stuff that makes it cardio until I'm ready again.

But my NEAT has been up every day. I'm organizing the crap out of every room and every closet. Things I've been meaning to do for years but now push has come to shove. I had a gift card to the Container Store and used it up on getting the closets in the nursery squared away. The architect and original owner for my house was a commercial architect and did weird things. The master bedroom closet has nowhere to hang dresses and long coats but the smaller bedroom closets only have the high bar to hand nothing but long things. So I got a couple hanging compartments and a hanging low bar to maximize the amount of space used. And a few sealed bags to shove as many blankets on the top shelf as possible without having them fall down when I try to grab one.





The office is next. We're going to have the baby in here while we work so having piles of things and projects scattered about it not going to last long. And speaking of work. It hasn't been overload but I have had a nice workload everyday. Keeping busy is definitely helping me keep my sanity.

I've been worrying a lot about standard procedures vs procedures that my specific case would need. My trust in my doctor is not there in this regard. After that month where it was weeks of worrisome test after worrisome test only to find out the tests were not accurate and everything was totally okay has me scared of what happens when bad diagnostics are used in a more time pressing setting. My biggest worry is that everything is going to go perfectly but the doctor will want to put opioids in the baby's and mine system and operate anyway just because of an already inaccurate test being interpreted even more incorrectly. And then risk the complications from that. I'm already feeling helpless and at a disadvantage that I can't get a doppler monitor used after contractions instead of an electronic fetal monitor.

This has been worrying me for a month and it keeps getting worse. At last week's appointment we were talking about labor and delivery procedures and options and she actually said, "Well you don't want your baby to have brain damage" when I said that I didn't want to spend 20 minutes every hour of early labor and then continuously during pushing on an EFM. It horrified me that she said it that way because that is emotional manipulation and the last thing I will want to deal with while physically exhausted. The risk of brain damage for an uncomplicated pregnancy without continuous monitoring is like <0.4% but phrasing it the way she did conveys it's extremely high if not definite and would be 100% preventable with the continuous monitoring. But the risk of unnecessary surgery using the continuous monitoring and all it's complications to both the baby and me that could result is much higher and up around 30% and still doesn't have a lower risk of brain damage.
It's so wrong to speak that way to a patient and seems to only come from a place of terrifying me into choosing what she wants me to choose. Or maybe it's just not wanting to have data available because it's extra work and complicated. So at this week's appointment I'm going to tell her that I need to be told risks in absolute measure and severity of complications of the options that I have for any situation that come up. I was too shocked going through the exact thing that I was afraid of to be able to respond to her at the last appointment. I don't put up with people who speak misleadingly in my life for business, friends and family so hearing my doctor do it weeks before I have to rely on them has been so stressful.


One more pregnancy related thing. For the past three days straight I've gotten round ligament pain. Again it's not an issue as long as I'm sitting. It only hurts if I have to stand.

I do have week 36 and 37 photos that need to be uploaded. I wonder how many more weekly photos I'll be taking before it turns into postpartum ones.

[okayest]

I think I'm starting to drop. The tightest circumference of my belly feels about an inch lower. My husband thinks I look lower too. I guess my weekly photo will be the big decider.

Starting last night I've gotten serious about meal prepping and freezing so I have yummy, hit the spot comfort food on hand that is also nutritious the way I want it to be.
Store bought frozen meals are too low in calories, volume and nutrients and have way too much sodium.
The already prepped meals at my grocer are good enough but will need more sides to be enough food. They are really good options for seafood too which I have none of for the meals I'm prepping because none of my favorite seafood meals would freeze well.
My grocer also has meal kits that look like great options.
Nutritious prepared or kit delivery services either are too low in calories or ridiculous in overhead. I found a "best of" list for delivery meals in my city from 2 years ago and 80% of them are now closed. It's just not a cost effective model.
And then there is typical take-out which I'm sure we'll enjoy plenty of. My favorite Asian foods are fresh dishes like Vietnamese spring rolls and bun so getting take-out for that is nutritious and easy enough.


My method was to make a list of my favorite cuisines and then list a couple of dishes from each that I love and that will freeze well. Then I cut that list down to what I actually want to make. I'd love to have something like globutsi on hand but really I'm not going to spend hours upon hours of making it. Then put together a grocery list for each meal and do quick runs through the express lane and make something daily. I'm doubling everything too. So we'll have about 60+ pre-made meals on hand for the two of us.

So this is my list for now. It's the food I'm prepping and then the frozen or fresh food I'll serve with it.

Beefy Tomato Soup from Mantitlement, serve with fresh basil and frozen Texas toast garlic bread
Chicken with the Indian Creamed Spinach from Budget Bytes, serve with frozen steam in the bag brown rice
Venison Chili with beans and cornbread muffins, serve with diced onions, tomatoes, avocado and cheese
One-pot Mushroom Venison Stroganoff, serve with frozen green beans or squash
Kung-pao Chicken that has a ton of vegetables, serve with frozen steam in the bag brown rice
Fajita meat and vegetables with black bean side, serve with tortillas, sour cream and guacamole
Meatloaf and mashed potatoes, serve with frozen peas
Loaded broc**** cheddar soup
Chicken and vegetable enchiladas with black beans, serve with frozen steam in bag Spanish rice
Veggie lasagna
Met-rx protein pancakes
Protein, sugar free chocolate muffins
Oat bran carrot cake made into jumbo muffins

My favorite breakfasts are zero to 5 minutes anyway so nothing needs to be prepped for those. And I order 14 pounds worth of protein and protein foods like the protein pancake mix from bodybuilding.com so I have powders to throw into smoothies or proats or make puddings if I want something sweet and lazy that isn't going to make my blood sugar crash. I also ordered plenty of my favorite protein bars.

Other foods I'm going to have in the freezer are hamburger buns, venison burger patties, pesto, frozen sweet potato waffle fries. Given that the pantry is going to be stocked up all that's left is making a store run for fresh items once a week. Sounds doable. Hope he stays in for at least a week more so I can prep all of these things.


Oh and for storage I bought several types of Freshware containers. Single container, main and one large side and a main and 2 smaller sides. We have the freezer in the kitchen and a game freezer in the garage so keeping all this food shouldn't be a problem.

[okayest]

Whoa. I swear I was way bigger at 35 weeks than either 36 and 37. Must be a fluids thing.





The skin on top of my belly button is starting to stick out a bit but the navel itself is still definitely an innie. I also have been putting on some fat recently. No matter how much bran, yogurt, fruit, lean meat, vegetables, etc. that I eat I still want to eat more and more. Yesterday I ate an entire bag of spinach in a sitting along with an entire chicken breast + salad toppings and dressing and I still wanted more. Could've ate it all over again. I've been around 2700 daily. My thigh is the one measurement that I occasionally track because I had measured it for a pants fitting right before pregnancy and it's gone up 1/4 of an inch.
But I'm in the home stretch. Soon I'll be able to move around freely and without huffing and puffing. The lack of lung space has really gotten pitiful. I'll be doing something like emptying a bag of laundry and my husband will come into the room asking if I'm okay because of all the heavy breathing and groaning going on. I think it's funny. Everything feels like I'm post vigorous cardio.

[okayest]

The doctor went much better today. Great, actually. Last time she thought I was completely against any medical intervention and was talking to me with that in mind. This visit I cleared things up and she responded much better and now that fear that’s been lingering is gone! I am so relieved because it felt awful and could have affected one of the best days of my life.

As for my meal prep mission, I just got 16 servings of chili done. But really it’s 8 normal portions for me and 4 big ones for my husband. 4 pounds of rough ground venison, 6 cans rotel, 2 more cans plain diced tomatoes, 2 cans tomato sauce, 4 cans beans! So much food went in that pot! I baked a dozen cornbread muffins too. I like frito pie so some of mine I’ll eat with chips instead.

Now it’s time to chill. I went to the doctor. I worked. I met up with my dad for lunch. I ran errands. I worked more. I cooked for a small army. My feet and back are sore and achy. I’m done.

[okayest]

I went on a walk today. At this point I’ll count that as exercise.

No meal prep today. I was constantly moving today getting odds and ends done but having to stop and rest several times due to round ligament pain and low back pain. So spending this evening cooking and cleaning and packing containers is the last thing I want to do.

Tiredness hit me hard this afternoon too. But I have been getting a lot more sleep the past few days! I forgot to mention that I’ve been dead tired much earlier than normal and sleeping an hour later than I have been. I think around 7.5-8 hours of sleep. Sleep by the way is almost the entire night of being propped very upright. I can’t take side sleeping anymore because it hurts all my old injured joints.

Another strange pain I had a couple times today was down there. Not sure where exactly but it was some tiny muscle that did not like me moving suddenly or quickly.

This evening I went to take a shower and freaked out when I looked in the mirror and saw what I thought were about 16 spontaneously appearing stretch marks that weren’t there this morning. They turned out to be scratch marks I made without remembering I was itchy. I know I’m not in the clear until after delivery and they can develop at anytime. The fact that I’m putting on fat and retaining fluid has me very aware that they might happen in the final weeks. I guess the only factor there that I can control is to try to stop eating quite so much.

[okayest]

Bad, frustrating day. It started by noticing definite small stretch marks below my belly button. I just turned 38 weeks so I could keep getting bigger for 3 more weeks and they could get worse and I can get lots more.

Work was awful. Frustrating to the max with cursing and crying. My boss doesn't want to use the program that I use so I have to use the one he prefers which creates 6x more work, I'm not proficient in it, and has more limited and not as satisfying results. It's painful when I have to use it knowing what would take me an hour and be perfect takes me all day and I'm still not pleased with it.

Then I went to make the chocolate protein muffins only to realize that the temperature was in celsius too late. The recipe even had a C but it didn't register because it's so late and last night was a night of 5 hours of sleep. The batter oozed over the pan, the muffins are totally raw, my house smells like burnt food from the drippings falling to the bottom of the oven and I burned myself trying to get the goo covered pan out.

I did have a nice dinner with a neighbor friend I really like so that was at least one thing great that happened.

I have been really optimistic and extremely joyful of my entire pregnancy up until this last month. It's been so stressful, painful and uncomfortable and I am ready to be done.

[okayest]

Nope. No dropping. Everything looks the same as last week.




This morning has been a continued bad day of yesterday. I woke up to a work email that I might have made very public error that reflects poorly on the company. And I put on my workout clothes determined to get one round of all my circuits in only to get round ligament pain that is still going on. I got it yesterday too. It's become a daily or near daily issue. It will go away at some point and maybe I can exercise then. The last workout I did triggered the ligament pain so I might be setting myself up for it again.

[okayest]

No exercise or food prep. I had a pretty bad bout of hypoglycemia shortly after the ligament pain stopped. My husband said I looked like all my blood had drained and we both thought I was going to pass out. So I gobbled down lunch very quickly but was wiped out and literally laid down for the entire rest of the day.

I have no plans yet for today so hopefully exercise and prepping stroganoff will happen without interruption.

[okayest]

Yesterday the blood sugar thing happened again. This time with nausea. I had just left the house both times it happened so I couldn't take my blood sugar reading but I'm really curious what it would have been because these are the worst drops I've experienced in memory. Instead of laying down all day I did manage to make a double recipe of the one pot stroganoff but with venison pieces. It plus cleaning up the kitchen was enough to exhaust me and make my back hurt.

I'm going to start backing off of doing things in favor of resting more. It's not even the physical rest I need but the mental rest of having as few obligations as possible. I had two total emotional crying breakdowns yesterday from being overwhelmed with stuff to do. And my sleep is back to 5-6 hours. I need to relax. A lot of my favorite things to do to relax aren't relaxing right now because of discomfort or tiredness. Even just existing is uncomfortable. I'm going to try my best to chill out because when the baby does decide to come that isn't going to be a time of rest.

Speaking of the baby coming. I started to get some period like pains last night which I hope means something is getting ready. And even though I'm still on the iron supplement that had me constipated I'm going very, very regularly the past few days. I know this is a common sign of impending labor even though it doesn't pinpoint when exactly but I'm hoping it means within the next week or two and not 3-4 weeks away.


I had the Met-Rx buttermilk pancake mix yesterday. It is fantastic. I'm not a ready made mix kind of person but I will be for these. They are as good as my favorite diner's and almost as good as my from scratch ones.

[okayest]

Same kind of day. Hormones causing irritability. Pain. Tiredness. I've been having pain in the balls of my feet and my fingers for days now. I looked it up and the achiness in the joints a side effect of edema. I've also been getting low back pain in the first few minutes of doing chores. So the day goes: sit on butt working or resting, do 10 mins of chores bent over in pain, repeat. Today I got a lot of errands done, the kitchen cleaned and the last load with any baby stuff washed and dried. With groceries and clean pans that means tomorrow I can get the Indian creamed spinach with chicken cooked and frozen and the oat bran carrot cupcakes too. As negative as I'm being these days about all the symptoms that have hit me I am turning into focus that the days when I will have normal mobility back are very close.

[okayest]

A good day. Not much pain or tiredness. I did get one batch of the Indian creamed spinach with chicken prepped but I wish I would have doubled it. It smelled so good and I really wanted to eat it immediately. Tomorrow is going to be the carrot cupcakes.

Speaking of food I’m aiming again at getting about 4 cups worth of raw vegetables per day again. I will be dieting down slightly postpartum so I need to get used to filling up on veggies a little more again.

Still no idea when he’ll come. Could be tonight, could be 3 more weeks. Being so close to meeting him has been driving me crazy and I don’t know what else to say about it. I try not to think about when because it is excruciating anticipation. So so close to our world changing entirely.


ETA:

So that good day turned into a terrible one. Had a very intense emotional train wreck right before bedtime and woke up super early still feeling awful. I need to contact my former therapist because I'm 100% sure that I'm at very high risk of postpartum depression. Mainly because I've already gone from feeling incredible joy to lots of fear and hating myself and my life this past month. So I'm clearly already depressed and if a hormone mess happens after labor on top of this things are going to get incredibly bad.
This happened in month 2 as well. I think it's triggered not just by hormones but by lethargy and lack of exercise. I stop feeling like myself and having my usual outlet, I stop getting that regular confidence, esteem and endorphin boost, I stop feeling productive and useful and things that need to be done or that I want to do start piling up. Exercise really isn't happening either no matter how badly I want it. I've been limping with hip pain this morning and since last night.
My weight gain this past month and the appearance of stretch marks has also been very tough. I mentioned why I have such a deep psychological issue with pregnancy affecting my body and my mom telling child me that I ruined her stomach has been replaying in my head constantly for days. But now it has the extra layer of "I've ruined my own stomach too". Very messed up thinking but incredibly ingrained and I need help to even start to see it any other way.

[okayest]

Okay day. Got about 3 hour of sleep last night and am currently lounging while my ligament pain goes away.

Good news is that my husband’s dermatologist that he’s close to says that a month after delivery I can start with a thing called a pulse dye laser or something like that and follow up with a fraxel laser to get rid of the stretch marks. It’s what he did on his own wife so it had calmed me down about them starting to happen. But I do need to treat the deeper issue inside. I can treat things superficially and feel better but the problem is going to keep coming up.

I also made the jumbo carrot cupcakes. They smelled so good so I froze 5 and sat 1 aside to eat tomorrow. Will be heading to the store tomorrow to get ingredients for a veggie lasagna and a batch of the delicious Loaded Broc**** Potato soup.

[okayest]

Had another good day yesterday. Got 9-10 hours of sleep to make up for that horrid 3 hour night. Went to the doctor and all is well. We talked about my emotional rollercoastering and my OBGYN says it's commonly attached to anxiousness about waiting. I have made a point of chilling out and expecting to be pregnant for 3 more weeks instead of hoping that every day that goes by might be the day something starts to happen and it has been taking me back to the happy place that I've been at.

I made the veggie lasagna I had planned to. It's this recipe http://www.inspiredtaste.net/22401/f...asagna-recipe/. I froze all of it in 5 portions so I do not know how it tastes. It was my first lasagna I think I've ever made too! Lasagna is food that you make for a large crowd in my mind and so it never crossed my mind to make one in all the years that I lived alone. I followed the recipe exactly except I used part-skim mozzarella and macros for 5 portions came out to

711 calories
74 carbs
7 fiber
29 fat
40 protein

I thought when I put the lasagna in the oven that I would work out a little and my body instantly said HAH! Literally that minute my left hip started having sharp pain with the slightest lateral movement. I cannot wait until my joints go back to normal. I hope I have a normal birth so I can at least start biking lightly again soon after delivery. The idea of waiting another 6 weeks on top of however many weeks I have left seems like so long. And stretching! I miss bending and twisting my spine. No doubt my low back will start feeling better once I can relax my lumbar muscles and obliques. That's where my exercise goals are right now lol. Not hit my belly with my legs while cycling and to lay on my back with my leg crossed over my body. Hardcore.


I'm 39 weeks today. I took my pictures and I do think that I've dropped but it's hard for me to tell. I also haven't been getting out of breath during simple things like going up the stairs so that's another sign he's lower.

Oh, also as of the wee hours of this morning I am no longer wearing my wedding ring. My fingers are too swollen and even getting it off was hard. I still have the indention clearly there and it's been 8 hours or so.

[okayest]

Yesterday was another fantastic day of relaxation! Both my husband and I sat on the couch the entire day. He only got up to tend to the Christmas brisket he was smoking and I only got up to pee 100 times.

I forgot to mention that I talked to my doctor about what to do about diastasis recti after delivery and she told me not to worry about it and that it's just another thing being marketed to women to sell plans and products. She said to avoid sit-ups for a couple of months but transverse abdominis exercises are fine. Well first of all I already bought a belly bandit bff and even if it does nothing physically I think I'll like the comfort of the snugness while my abs and uterus are healing. And second of all I think I'll do the Forrest yoga style tiny, deep stomach movements when I am ready to start activating my TA again.
The connective tissue below my belly button is really suffering the most from stretching out. It was the first place I started to feel strain over a month ago and the past few days I'm feeling more strain there again. I guess maybe it's from him moving position? Yesterday I started getting some new sensations that I haven't felt before that felt like they were in my vagina so the area where pressure is being put is changing.

So here is 39 weeks! I'm not sure if it looks different. It kind of does look different from 38 weeks but not 37 weeks when there all viewed together in my bodyspace gallery https://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/p...otos/136883111. But different poses or camera angles can change things a little.



How many more weekly photos will I have? 1, 2, 3? It's so close now!

[Fiction2Fitness]

The food prep plan sounds like a great idea and some of the food mentioned would be absolutely delicious. You are almost there! Pesky hormones and all you're near the end (not from all of the hormones but still, some of it). ;-)

[okayest]

Haha, thanks for the encouragement.

Merry Christmas!

[okayest]

Quick update because nothing exciting is happening.

Christmas was great. We pretty much had a nothing but sweets buffet for Christmas Day. There was 13 pounds of smoked brisket and a fresh loaf of bread but that was basically it. Not filling up on savory foods and going right for the cookies was a genius idea. Usually I try to only super indulge on the holiday day only but it spilled over to the next day this year. Whoops. Back to nutritious foods today.

I was so close to working out this morning but forgot I had family coming over early and after they left I hit the lethargy wall where I lay down motionless for over an hour until I will myself to change positions. I haven’t been having nearly as much hip and back pain for the past few days so some very light exercise in the morning is on my to do list again.

[okayest]

It’s not even 11 am but it’s already been a giant day. I woke up at 1:45 after going to sleep having another emotional breakdown and was so agitated I got up and had coffee. I took care of packing the baby’s hospital bag, putting together the baby swing, ordering a breast pump, washed stuff from the baby first aid and grooming kit, boiled eggs, did a few dishes, finished a book, woke my husband up by bursting into tears and he talked it out with me. All by 7. Then I passed out suddenly until it was time for my OBGYN.

We did a cervical check today at my request. I was hoping for any news of something happening but my cervix isn’t even in position let alone thinning or opening. We talked what the latest she wants me to go would be and she said sometime in the 41st week. But looking at when she’s on call there was a big gap between dates. She’s going to end one round on the 2nd and not be on again until the 11th. So we decided for inducing on the 2nd if he doesn’t come by then.
It isn’t how I would choose for it to go. I know induction for first time mom’s frequently leads to very long labor only to end in a c-section. But I’m also so emotionally and physically miserable that waiting and risking having to induce anyway on the 11th would be unbearable. I have almost a week to think about it and hopefully go into labor naturally.

Oh, also Alexia Clark has 25% her program for 6 months with a promo code. So I’m definitely going to take advantage of signing up even if I won’t be able to perform until February.

[okayest]

My due date came and went yesterday so here I am entering month 10.

Month 9 was rough emotionally, mentally and physically.

The anxiety of being so close but not knowing when was hard to deal with. I did my best and managed but still had failures where it got the best of me. Quite a few bad days and crying just from being so on edge with uncertainty.

I also started this month extremely concerned about how labor would go but then that turned into not caring at all. Like everything kind of has gone out the window and whatever needs to be done is fine with me. I still don't want narcotics but if I end up needing or wanting them it doesn't mean that the baby will be lethargic and have trouble latching. I still want to be mobile but if I end up being bed bound it's not the end of the world. I don't want a c-section but if I get one, the recovery will be tough for awhile but not a permanent disability.

I got some stretch marks at 38 weeks and that was tough to deal with because of my past. I also got them somewhere I don't really see on other women. They go straight up the middle of my lower abdomen and that's it. None of the sides yet. I quickly looked into laser treatments to fade them that I can start one month after delivery. And I found out if I have loose skin there is also some laser treatment for that too. It calms me to know that I don't have to accept every single change to my body that has happened during pregnancy because it is a very long list and there are ones that I will accept and ones I will not if I have a choice.

I also ended up with a hemorrhoid this month which is unbelievable given my super high fiber intake. It's small and painless and didn't happen until month 9. I can only imagine how bad it could have been if I didn't compensate for the natural and iron-induced constipation with a high fiber diet. I probably would have developed one or more way earlier and had it turn into something awful.

My diet did get a bit out of hand again since Thanksgiving. I was eating so much. About 2500-2700 per day. Physical hunger needs, anxiety and depression, more calorie dense food, normal holiday season indulgence, more anxiety. I don't think there was a single cause. I have relaxed a lot this past week and have refocused on eating mostly for nutrition and have dropped back down to 2000-2100. I did put on a whole 6 pounds this month! So that means this pregnancy is ending with a total of 29 pounds gained. Over the goal of 25 pounds but pretty close. The strange thing is my one single body measurement, my upper thigh, has gone back down to it's pre-pregnancy size. It had initially gone down in the beginning and then had gone up over it's starting point by month 8 and now it's back at it's starting point. Breaking even is nice.

I was able to prepare 8 out of the 12 meals for freezing that I had wanted to. So about 36 or so lunches or dinners on hand to help provide for the first month or two. Not bad at all. I'm really happy I did it.

I think I exercised once this month and it was very hard. I got round ligament pain during it.

I got round ligament pain frequently towards the end of this month. Also a lot of back pain while doing chores. I think the back pain is due to poor posture when standing at counters. Getting space for the belly requires bending forward slightly and it puts a lot of strain on the low back. I have been able to breath better for the past few weeks though. He must have moved down a bit and gave my diaphragm some room.

Luckily I have been taking the past week or more totally relaxed. Feet up and completely supported by pillows on the couch is how I spend most my day. Thankfully work slowed down and then stopped for the holidays. Although feet up at the computer wouldn't have been too bad either.

Getting up and rolling over is incredibly challenging. It's not as simple as just using my arms. It either requires forceful heaving and launching myself with my arms or multi-step movements similar to a three-point turn. And I've almost exclusively been sleeping semi-upright because trying to switch from side to side is too hard.

The belly is big and the baby definitely feels full size. I've been getting more diastasis recti since the little bit I could feel last month. Lol my low belly peeks out below even some of my maternity shirts now! He still has plenty of room in there because he squirms up a storm especially around 10-10:30 pm like clockwork every night.

It's almost over and in a few days I'm going to get to meet my sweet little baby and nurse and cuddle and stare at him for hours and hours and couldn't be more excited! Overall pregnancy was one of the best experiences of my life. It tested me in month 2 and month 9 but the rest of the time I felt literal joy as my default. Not just happiness but bliss and it's been incredible. And this feeling is going to be superseded once I hear his cry, see his face and hold him. It's going to be overwhelmingly amazing.

[okayest]

Today is hopefully the last day before the baby arrives. I've been doing all the last minute deep kitchen and bathroom cleaning and random organizing. And after uploading this photo I decided to clean my damn mirror too because it is embarrassingly dirty.



Here is the last belly photo! Hopefully tomorrow morning happens as planned. I know inductions can be postponed for various reasons but I'm bursting with anticipation of him finally arriving.


I signed up for Alexia Clark's program again yesterday. I don't know when her New Year's promo code expires so I figured sign up early and use it later. I'm very excited about moving again. My first goals are to get back some thoracic mobility, re-engage my TVA and start stretching again. I didn't really mention how my stretching had been going throughout pregnancy but I gave up on it entirely at some point in the late second trimester. I couldn't bend or twist in any way that challenged my flexibility so it felt worthless and uncomfortable. I'm hoping for 6-8 weeks of stretching and light cardio and then by the end of February starting on Alexia Clark type routines with mostly muscular and cardio endurance being challenged and then maybe by April start adding in a day or two of heavier lifting. It sound like a long ways away right now but I am so psyched for it. April 1st is when my pregnancy officially started so getting back to regular routine by then would feel very nice.

I'm really proud of myself for staying as fit as possible for nearly the entire pregnancy. I think that if I weren't so overwhelmed with work, finishing the nursery, hosting Thanksgiving and hosting a baby shower all in a short time frame I would have been able to continue to have worked out. Getting out of the groove is such a big slip up. I hung in there during the lethargy in the first trimester and did literally whatever pathetic exercise I could muster just to stay in the routine because I know that staying in it is so important. I let routine slip in month 8 though and can't be surprised at how it turned out. So I'm very excited to get back into the new routine of my life and the baby's life. I mentioned his kicking is very routine so maybe he's like his mom and loves his daily rhythms.

[okayest]

I finally hacve a little free time to update.

So I went to the OBGYN on the 2nd for an ultrasound. There was debris in the fluid and she said it could be meconium or nothing. I wanted to be induced anyway so I was admitted with the concern for meconium. Turned out to be the right call. When my waters broke there was a trace of green. The induction actually went great and started my own contractions but the baby’s heart rate was not handling even 2nd stage contractions well so the doctor suggested a c-section and I agreed. I just wanted him to arrive healthy. And he did! It was the best moment of my life.
Literally the exact opposite of my birth plan happened but it really didn’t matter. I’m glad I came to accept that leading up to the day instead of going in set on it going to plan. None of it really mattered as long as the end result was a beautiful, healthy baby.

The past 4 days have been really hard. I wish that I wasn’t in so much pain and disability but my husband has been amazingly helpful and all the hospital staff too. Today is the day we leave and I’m going to miss them but have gotten a ton of great tips to take home.

Now it’s on to healing. 6-8 weeks is the usual time to get 100%. Hopefully 2 weeks until I stop moving around like I’m 90 and 4 to being almost normal.


Oh and my god I got the best compliment ever on the operating table. The surgeon said I had really good abs while she was staring directly at the muscles! Lol I will cherish that comment forever.

[Fiction2Fitness]

Congratulations!

[okayest]

Congratulations!

Thank you!


A bit of a postpartum update.

Premaking healthy meals was a great idea. My appetite is like early pregnancy where I can’t stomach eating salty, greasy meat, cheese, bread combos. Brans, mostly fat free dairy and some full fat dairy, fruits, nut butters and a tiny bit of sweets are my biggest wants. Good thing with the fruits, bran and vegetables in my premade meals. Painkillers on top of iron supplements is brutal to the GI system.

I weighed myself for the first time since the 2nd so it’s 6 days later and 5 days after delivery. I’m down 15 pounds and that’s with all the constipation and swelling from I guess the IV fluids or hormones. Oh yeah and milk. I’m up at least 2 cup sizes! My happy scale weight chart looks hilarious. Like a Lose 15 Pounds in Less Than a Week scam advertisement.

My activity is up. I’m walking around the house and am in a lot less pain. I cannot wait to have core strength again. My mid and lower back are killing me from not being able to stand and sit fully upright. But it is also getting better.

[okayest]

I forgot to mention that he was born 7 pounds 4 ounces and 20 inches. That is spot on average length and a bit heavier than average weight. Considering he was consistently measuring low in weight and length for the entire pregnancy he must have done some mighty growing at the end between my second to last and last ultrasound/the day of induction. So that period of super high calories and what felt like a noticeably bigger belly almost daily was not just in my head.

[okayest]

I am 11 days postpartum today.

I am going to try to keep these updates. Pictures are easy to take on the same day each week. But when I am able to get around to making an update is up in the air. Like this post has taken me 3 hours, 1 feeding, 1 pumping, 2 diaper changes and my own breakfast to make. I knew newborns were a lot of work but I didn't realize it was near constant when you factor in chores and your own basic needs. Especially since I have to pump and it triples the amount of time spent feeding factoring in the set-up, pumping, cleaning supplies and then feeding. I have an appointment with the hospital lactation consultant to try to get better at breastfeeding.

Pain and mobility improved at the very end of the first week. Like getting up and down was still slow but not extremely painful. The pain was like a burning hot ice pick jabbing me in the lower abs at the slightest movement. There were a couple of times where I was completely immobilized because even a shift of a cm would set it off something awful. The location is apparently where the knots in the sutures in my abdominal muscles are. I still have the same pain halfway through week 2 but it's much less so and only 8-9 hours after my last painkiller. I think I'll be cleared for light exercise closer to 6 weeks than 8.

I wore the hospital's girdle/brace thing while I was there but switched to my Belly Bandit BFF when I got home because it's contoured better. It really helped take the load off of my abs and support my low back. But I took it off halfway through week 2. If I want my core to strengthen wearing a brace isn't going to help. It felt like a couple of steps back the first day because I was weaker without it and had to move carefully again.

My waist from the front came back within days. I think my ribcage is going down too. Not back to pre-pregnancy bra band size but down a little nonetheless. I don't seem to have much diastasis recti from what I can tell so far. Everything seems to have gone back together well. The profile picture shows a very soft and squishy bump on my low abs. I'm not sure what it is. Loose skin, surgery inflammation, surgery diastasis, weak abs, fluid retention? No idea. I'll see how it goes over the next few months.

My uterus shrinkage surprised me. While in the hospital getting checks by the nurses they told me before being discharged that my uterus was back down below my belly button! That's way quicker than I thought.

I updated before that by the end of the first week I lost 15 pounds. So 14 above pre-pregnancy. It's going to be going down fast though. For the past few nights I have been waking up soaking wet. Apparently it's a normal way to get rid of the excess fluids.

I have loosely been tracking calories the past few days. No weighing. I'm in the 2500-2700 range. Still craving carbs and fat and lots of healthy food with some sweets and treats.

Oh and I think my skin is the most beautiful it's ever looked. I have zero redness. Whatever hormone levels I'm at that are causing this, please stay forever.



The bandage adhesive has been so hard to scrub off. Hopefully it will be gone in the week 2 photo. And the girdle marks shouldn't show up again ever either.

[okayest]

I actually have time to post this on the actual 14 days post. But I did forget to weigh this morning. We had his 2 week doctor's visit this morning and it was a rushed morning.

I am feeling so much better day by day. Two days ago I was able to put my pants on while standing. I also stopped taking my painkillers. So lots of progress. Tomorrow I have my own doctor's visit for my two week postpartum exam.



Swelling has been going down. I think the night sweats are over (edit, no they are not. They’re still going strong). And for the first time in over a month I can see the tendons in my left foot when I move my toes. Still not back to no fluid retention but soon I will be.
Last night I found about about something called "c-section shelf" that is something that can't be eliminated except with more surgery. It's scar tissue of the fascia caused by cutting through it. Who gets it and how severely is due to luck. I'll keep it in mind and do my best about what I can when I can.

There is only one good thing about a c-section and it's the best thing, a safe and healthy baby, but everything else has been awful. I have about a month or more left before normalcy happens and even then slow healing and rebuilding has to happen first before my version of normal can return.